


Passing By

by blueshadowmutt



Series: Passing [2]
Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: Cause there's a lot of that, Chapter 45 is the new chapter btw, LMAO, M/M, actually ive been re-reading it and is not as bad as i remmeber it lmao, and i hate it, i finished it, i know they're there, i wish there was a tag for "aftermath of violence", is that the word im looking for?, maybe they'll be a sequel, off screen child abuse, please don't download this it makes me nervous, please dont mention grammatical/spelling mistakes, suicide ideation, third time updating this shit is the charm?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-01-26 07:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 277,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21370435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueshadowmutt/pseuds/blueshadowmutt
Summary: i hate this more than you.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Passing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664314
Comments: 80
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to the glee cover of It's All Coming Back to Me and Ghost by Jamie-Lee Kriewitz for getting me through this.

It wasn’t that Sasuke didn’t like the new town, it’s just that it was too...quiet. It was a fine town, really. If he was being honest, it was too fine—not quite like the neighborhoods where everyone was crazy and the atmosphere was too eerie and unsettling, but it did give off a Hollywood vibe. Where dreams became true. Meh. The trees were too brightly green, the birds were too loud, the squirrels too bushy. Urushi was going to have a blast chasing them; Sasuke wasn’t looking forward to taking him out, but he was looking less forward to the dog tearing up their new house; the lesser of two evils. He was too old for this shit. 

“Sasuke, help me with the china!” Somehow, even when Kakashi was yelling, the vowels crawled pass his lips like he didn’t have a care in the world. 

Sasuke jogged over, “I thought you sold it.” He tried not to sound too disappointed as he balanced three of the boxes in front of himself. 

Kakashi stacked another one on top of the last one, chuckling lightly when it covered the rest of Sasuke’s vision. “I was going to, but then I remembered how much you hate cleaning it, and really, how am I supposed to take care of a big, scary teenager when I don’t have anything to threaten punishment?”

Sasuke managed to tiptoe to glare over the boxes. “We’re the same height, and I’m not scary. And you work with teens!”

“Every teenager is scary, that’s how I know. Anyway,” Kakashi said, waving his hand in the air. “Take them inside, put them in the kitchen. I’ll take Urushi on a walk in the meantime.”

“Why can’t you take them inside and I take Urushi on a walk instead?” Sasuke would brave the squirrels over potentially breaking Kakashi’s collection any day. 

“Because Urushi likes me best. And I’m the boss.”

Sasuke grumbled under his breath, but headed to the house. It was bigger than their apartment back in the city, but more importantly, it was cheaper. At least more affordable with Kakashi’s salary. It was also a few minutes away from the local shelter, and Sasuke had already emailed the coordinator to volunteer, although the orientation wouldn’t be for two more weeks. For the best--he’d need those two weeks to get used to the new school. 

He’d seen the uniform, and--and it wasn’t bad. Simple slacks, simple white shirt with the school’s emblem embroided on it. He was grateful honest, it was a great school, and he’d weather through Kakashi’s class like any of the other students. But the uniform--he’d never considered his wardrobe much, but the thought that he had to wear a uniform now was presenting a bigger resentment than he anticipated. 

But it was fine. There was no issue. Really. 

With a sigh, he jogged back to the moving trunk. Knowing Kakashi, he’d take Urushi on the longest walk imagineable, just to excuse himself from moving boxes. It didn’t matter. Sasuke didn’t mind, too much, and at the very least, it would provide a good workout. With the move, he’d stopped running, and although carrying boxes was not the same, at least it helped unfocused his mind. 

By the time night rolled around, Sasuke had finished unpacking everything, even Kakashi’s bedroom. He was mixing the salad when the door opened and Kakashi stepped inside, Urushi leaping across the wooden tiles with the leash still attached. 

“Eh, sorry, Sasuke. I...got lost--”

“In the path of life, I know,” Sasuke said. Kakashi’s hair was sticking to his forehead, and his normally pale skin was flushed. There was mud at the end of his pants. “For the first time, I actually believe you.”

“I resent that. Seriously, though. This place should come with a map.”

“The houses are not that similar, maybe you’re just going blind at your age.”

Kakashi huffed, “I don’t mean the houses. The trails. The walk. The squirrels. There are so many squirrels, I’m positive that if you just take Urushi running, he’ll whip you into shape and have you in the Olympics in no time.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Right. If I don’t die from a squirrel attack first.”

“Sacrifice I’m willing to make, I suppose.” Kakashi shrugged. “Need help with anything?”

Sasuke looked around. The food was done, the moxing boxes were flat and stacked against an empty wall. He’d wiped the counters down, and he had cleaned all their dishes. He had even worked out the gas and electricity. He shook his head, “I’ll just set dinner while you take a shower.”

“You’re so polite when you tell me I stink.”

Sasuke just shrugged. 

Dinner was fine; Kakashi too tired to make conversation, Urushi sleeping soundly to make any ruckus, and Sasuke...well, he was hungry, and working to control the knots in his stomach for tomorrow, so he could actually eat. He’d been the new kid back in elementary school, and it wasn’t a traumatizing experience--comparively, of course--and he had made friends soon enough, but kids at that age could make friends with monsters. High school was far more complicated, and even if it was the start of the year, he was going as a Junior, and it was a private, expensive school, which fed from another small, private middle school, which fed from--

Sasuke was pretty sure that everyone in that school knew each other since they were in diapers, and it wasn’t like he was ashamed of Kakashi--he’d been in the same school in which Kakashi taught the past two years, but it was the first time he was taking Kakashi’s class, and he was still unsure of how he should navigate that. Getting to know people would be hard enough. Not that he would mind being on his own, but according to his father, knowing people was the most important thing in the world, and Sasuke didn’t want to give him another reason to dissapoint the man. 

“Nervous?”

“Uh?” Sasuke blinked, focusing his attention back to his plate. It looked even fuller now. “Uh, no. Just...thinking.”

“Well, that’s a first.”

“Ha-ha. Hilarious.” Sasuke set the fork down. “It’s not too late to be homeschooled, you know,” he whispered.

Kakashi sighed. Sasuke looked away. “Kid, we’ve been over this. You have to get out of your comfort zone. If we homeschool you, that’s never going to happen, and you’re just going to be stuck here when you’re not running away from your problems.”

“I’m going to volunteer at the shelter!”

“With animals.”

“What’s wrong with animals?”

“Nothing. Except they are in your comfort zone already.”

“My comfort zone? I was in three sports teams! And two clubs! I don’t have a problem meeting people, I just...prefer not to.” He sighed. 

Kakashi matched the sigh. “I can...contact your dad to ask, if you want.”

Sasuke shook his head and picked up his plate. He would wash it tomorrow morning. He paused at the stairs, “goodnight, Kakashi.”

He dissappeared into his bedroom, stripping down to his boxers and crawling into bed. His stomach growled. Which was bullshit, if anyone asked. A minute ago, he’d almost puked his food. Maybe he would be lucky and get sick tomorrow and miss the first day of school, and when Kakashi updated his father, he could tell him that it hadn’t been on purpose, and then Sasuke could pretend to be sick for the rest of his high school career. Maybe somewhere in there, his father would finally like the son he had and not wished for the son he lost. 

Ha. Once pigs flew. 

\---

There was no headache in the morning. No puking in the morning. No excuse for him to stay in bed for the rest of his life. 

Urushi wouldn’t let him, anyway. He’d been out the door with the dog before sunrise; Kakashi was right, there were a lot of squirrels, and Sasuke’s legs burned a little more than usual by the time he returned home. Kakashi’s pot of coffee was already on the counter, and as he rushed through his morning routine, Sasuke was a little more warm to the idea of wearing a uniform. No time wasted wondering if he’d chosen the correct blue shade to project the correct Uchiha image, even if no one knew he was an Uchiha. Ha. 

He could get behind uniforms. He could probably blend more easily if everyone wore the same thing. 

“Sasuke, I’m leaving! See you at--” Kakashi hadn’t finished his sentence when Sasuke was running down the stairs, taking the keys from his hand, and slamming the car’s door shut. Kakashi followed, keeping quiet until they were a few blocks from their house. “Thought you were taking the bus.” 

“Tired,” Sasuke mumbled. He’d never admit it out loud, but he hadn’t trusted himself to show up to school if he had the option to take the bus. He would just the bus to the city and let the day fly away. But then Kakashi would find out, and Sasuke would have put him in an awkward position. 

Kakashi hummed thoughtfully, but didn’t say anything else. 

Fifteen minutes later, they arrived at the school. It looked private. When Sasuke opened the door, it smelled private. It was not as big as his elementary school, but it looked just as expensive. 

“I’ll see you in class,” Kakashi said, cheerily. 

Sasuke managed to put a smile on his face, even though there was no one to see it. Kakashi was long gone. With a sigh, he grabbed his bag and slammed the door. 

“That’s a teacher’s spot.”

Sasuke turned. There was a...pink-haired girl standing in front of him. She had vivrant green eyes, but the hair--what kind of private school allowed students to change their hair color to...such distracting shades? Maybe he should dye his hair too, a blue color, or maybe red, or maybe red and white to match Uchiha Inc. color scheme--would his father finally take it upon himself to come see him if Kakashi’s report mentioend a dye job? And if so, what would he do? He was too old to spank, and as far as he knew, his father didn’t have a delicate collection of old dishes to make him wash compulsively. Sasuke chuckled under his breath.

“Excuse me? Yeah, this is a teacher’s spot. And it’s too early for Senior pranks.”

Did she think he had been laughing at that? Sasuke shook his head. “Uh, no. My...” he glanced back at the car. “Uh, my dad’s a teacher. Just started. I don’t have a car, and the bus...” he cleared his throat. “And so. Hitched a ride. With my dad. The teacher.”

Outside his comfort zone? Was it too much to ask to be born charming, or at least...purposeful? His brother had it all, even if he never got to be sixteen, and his mom had been charming, and his dad--charming might not be the right word, but when he talked, people listened, and not because he mumbled. When Sasuke was younger, they used to tell him that he could just be polite--and he was good at that, being polite and listening--but now. Now, being polite was far from ideal. 

“Oh. The new chemistry teacher, right? The whole school threw a party when we found out Mr. Morino was retiring.” The girl smiled, “he was a...some students felt like he was...difficult. Hopefully, your dad isn’t.”

“Mr. Hatake--I mean, my dad,”  _ God _ . “He’s...okay.”

The girl smiled and stuck out her hand, “Sakura. Junior body president.”

Lucky him. Sasuke took her hand, biting back a sigh. “Sasuke.”

“Hatake, I take it?”

“What else?” Everything else.

Sakura, true to her position, was helpful, and by the time the first period bell rang, Sasuke knew where all his classes were, where his locker was--it was a lot bigger than his last one--and the best place to eat lunch--with her and her friends, apparently. Truth be told, everything  _ could _ have gone a lot worse. All things considered, he could have been in a worse mood by the time he stepped into Kakashi’s classroom for the last period. He half-expected his guardian to say something to him, but he barely glanced up when the students entered, and Sasuke slipped to the middle of the room. 

“Hey, Sasuke.”

He looked up. “Uh.” Sakura introduced him to so many people during lunch that it was hard to keep the faces and names straight--he needed practice, he knew. He was trying. Not good enough, though. He couldn’t recognize the blond sitting next to him, smiling brightly. Like they definietly knew each other. “Sorry, I don’t--“

“Naruto,” he said. “Sakura mentioned you during P.E., but I had to run some errands during lunch, so I couldn’t meet you. How are you liking your first day?”

At least they really hadn’t met. There was hope for him yet. “It’s been good. Sakura was nice. Everyone was.”

“Yeah, we’re pretty nice.” Naruto smiled as he took a notebook out of his backpack. He chewed on his pen, “heard Mr. Hatake is your dad, too.”

At least Naruto had the decency to whisper that. “Uh, yeah.” Sasuke shrugged, “we just moved from the city.”

Naruto nodded and hummed. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep your secret safe.” Naruto fixed his eyes on their teacher, before turning his attention back to Sasuke. “Although, that might be hard. You guys look pretty alike.”

“Tell me about it,” Sasuke mumbled under his breath. After Kakashi took him, he changed his hair color to a dark brown, to match Sasuke’s own fake, dark brown. His father and Kakashi had even considered color contacts, only to stop when they found Sasuke was allergic to them. He sometimes wondered whether Kakashi missed his natural hair color, but last time he asked, the only reply was that brown worked just as well with the ladies. Which was bullshit. He hadn’t seen Kakashi with anyone in years. 

“Hey, at least you know how you’ll look like when you’re older,” Naruto said. “I look just like my dad, too, you know. If you saw him from afar, you’d think that he was me...” he trailed off as Kakashi cleared his throat. 

Sasuke closed his eyes, but all in all, the period  _ could _ have been worse. He didn’t even mind Naruto’s pen tapping on their desk throughout the whole hour, only stopping when Naruto chewed on it. 

“After they banned fidget spinners,” Naruto began once class ended and they were packing up their stuff. “I couldn’t concentrate, but they can’t really ban writing utensils, you know? Sorry if it was annoying.” He rubbed the back of his head. 

“Uh, no. I don’t mind,” Sasuke shrugged. The school banned fidget spinners, but not distracting hair colors? Sakura wasn’t the only one, either--one of her friends had neon red hair, and another one--almost a shade of purple? To be fair, the purple could be his imagination with the lighting playing tricks on him, but  _ still _ . 

“Great! See you tomorrow, Sasuke!” Naruto said, chewing on the pen as he left the room with a easy wave towards Kakashi’s direction. 

Sasuke didn’t move from his seat until the room was empty. But before he could say anything, Kakashi beat him to it. “Meeting. You don’t mind taking the bus, do you?”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, shaking his head. “I’ll see you at home. Try to give a good first impression.”

“Don’t I always?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, walking out of the classroom. The bus stop was conveniently a block away from the school, and he was soon taking a seat at the back of it. He would think that his father would get him a car, but apparently, a car was not an emergency, and therefore, not needed. It was fine. Sasuke wouldn’t even dare to ask, and Kakashi’s teahing salary didn’t allow for...extra expenses. Even if it did, he was sure that they would never allow him his own car, though truly, how much safer could a bus be? 

It was about half an hour, and Sasuke almost missed his stop. He had to stop spacing out, it was a dangerous habit, especially in a bus. Or the street. Sasuke shook his head, watching his surroundings. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just green front lawns. Some parked cars. He turned a corner, and halted. 

Fuck. 

The school day had apparently been okay to save all the shit luck for the end of the day. Sasuke swallowed. Crossing the street would be too obvious now, but he’d have to be an idiot to head home. A white pick-up truck was parked in their driveway. A truck that was decidedly not Kakashi’s car. He slipped his phone out of his pocket. He squinted, hoping to catch a glimpse of the plates, but he was still too far away, if he walked closer, someone could see him, and no matter how much he liked to brag about his running speed, there was no way to outrun a car.

He glanced down at his phone, typing out quickly. /Truck @ home. Ml08/ Did it even matter? The motel was still a good 45 minutes away, at a good pace, maybe shorter if he ran, but how obvious would it be if he ran in a school uniform carrying a backpack? If he could just walk pass the truck without being seen, he could venture to say he  _ could _ make it to their meeting place, but even counting the slightly bigger blind spots in a truck, there was no way that he would walk close enough to be hidden by them, and wouldn’t that be stupid? Getting closer to the truck to try to hide from it? Absolutely riddiculous, he knew.

He took a step back. No one was coming out of the car, and he couldn’t see if anyone was inside--maybe they were already inside the house. But then, why would they be hiding already in it, but not hide their car? Open the garage, at least. No, they were probably still waiting inside the car, and if that was the case--

“Hey, what are--“

Sasuke turned and aimed for the nose. When had they gotten behind him? Had they been trailing him since the bus? Since school? Did they know where he went to school? Of course they did, he was wearing a shirt with the stupid emblem big and proud on his chest. How--

“I thought you didn’t mind the pen tapping.”

Sasuke blinked at the muffled reply. “Naruto?” He didn’t have to wait for a reply, though. Without his brain sprewing conspiracy theories 100 miles an hour, he could see that it was the blond who sat next to him during last period. Except now there was blood on his face and sleeves. He helped him back to his feet, “sorry, I--I’m a little jumpy.”

“No kidding,” Naruto replied, holding the pinch of his nose. “It’s fine. I kinda expect you to help me nurse it back to health, though.”

Sasuke tried to control his heart rate when Naruto took his hand and dragged him to the nearest house. Naruto was probably not a crazy kidnapper--although, if Sasuke really thought about it, that  _ would _ be a brilliant plan, would it not? Have a 16-year old high school student do the kidnapping, he was pretty sure that he’d seen a movie with that exact same plot at least a few times. 

Though a criminal mastermind would have been more difficult to punch. Unless that was the plan all along, which--Sasuke took a step as Naruto closed the front door behind them. No. He was just being too paranoid. There was always a silverlining in everything, and at least now, he didn’t have to choose the best way to evade that white truck. 

Sasuke allowed himself to breathe a little easier, and followed Naruto upstairs. The house’s layout was the same as their own, and he wasn’t one bit surprised when he ended up in what would have been his own bedroom. 

“Sorry,” Sasuke repeated once Naruto had cleaned up the blood. Sasuke was holding a shirt over the other’s nose because apparently, Naruto refused to and Sasuke should definietly take responsability for his actions. Sasuke would rather do anything else, but he had to admit, Naruto had a point: Sasuke had punched him in the nose, and it was yet to see if he’d broken something. He doubted it. He didn’t hit that hard, but apparently, Naruto had delicate bones--nevermind that it was actually cartilage.

Naruto took the shirt from him. “Is that your first reaction when someone says hi? Punch them? In the middle of the street? You seemed friendlier in chem, or--“

“No.” Sasuke shook his head. “I’m...” was he  _ friendly _ ? Arguable, but he wasn’t violent. “I don’t punch people, I just--you startled me, that’s all.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, “and you are usually easily startled, or?”

Sasuke looked away. He could feel the back of his neck getting warmer. “No. I--I watched a scary movie last night, and--“

“You’re scared of scary movies? In the middle of the day?”

Sasuke took a breath, “well, it was about a perfect neighborhood, that looked a little too similar to this one, so.” He shrugged. What was he supposed to say? Scared of scary movies was better than scared of strange trucks parked in his driveway, right?

Naruto laughed. For some horrific reason, this made the blood come rushing back out like a waterfall. Sasuke hurried to cover his nose again with the shirt. It was so red. 

“Do you feel dizzy?”

Naruto took the shirt. “No. But you really have to stop making me laugh, or I’m going to die from blood loss.”

Sasuke shoved that image to the back of his mind. “I’m not trying to make you laugh, I’m serious. It’s a lot of blood.”

“Relax.” Naruto smiled. Sasuke looked away. “I won’t die, promise. Serious. I’m just gonna wash my face again. You can sit down if you want.” He dissappeared, presumably to the bathroom to clean said face. 

Sasuke looked around the bedroom. Naruto’s school bag was leaning against a wooden desk that oversaw the backyard, the bed was half-made and the orange covers matched the orange walls. The walls had a navy stripe circling the entire room. The color matched the pillows and the carpet. It was a little too bright. Instead of books, the bookshelf was filled with soccer trophies. In the middle shelf, there were frames, and Naruto was right: he looked identical to his dad. Sasuke didn’t even have to ask if the man standing next to Naruto, with the same blue eyes and blond hair. On the other side, there was a woman, about the same height as Naruto, with long, bright red hair. 

“I guess you didn’t want to take a seat,” Naruto chuckled. “You know, Mr. Hatake seems so chill, and you...seem so not.”

“I have to overcompensate to make up for him,” Sasuke said. Naruto’s face was clean of all blood, and besides the ugly bruise that would no doubt formed, it looked like he was going to be okay. 

“I guess. So, hey, I’m making dinner, you know how to cook?”

Sasuke nodded slowly, “you don’t?”

“Eh, kinda. Glad you do. Help me and we’ll call it even?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “aren’t you milking this a little too much?”

“No. Not at all. Come on,” Naruto nudged his shoulder with a wide smile, and Sasuke followed him downstairs. 

As it turned out, Naruto didn’t really know how to cook, at all--except, apparently noddles. But the running commentary on everything and anything was mind numbing; by the time the door opened, Sasuke only tensed a little. The man from the photo, Naruto’s dad, stepped into the kitchen. 

“Dad! This is Sasuke, he--”

“What happened to your nose?”

Sasuke took a small breath. Being introduced to a dad after punching his son in the nose was never a good thing, no matter how someone sliced it. It was so far from being charming, it wasn’t even funny, and--

“Oh. Sasuke tripped and headbutted me by accident,” Naruto waved his hand. “So as an apology, he helped me make dinner. I had some taste sneak peaks, and it’s actually really good. Sasuke, this is my dad, Minato.”

Sasuke extended his hand quickly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Naruto laughed, and even Mr. Uzumaki had a small smile on his face, but he shook his hand, “nice to meet you too, Sasuke. Sorry my son dragged you into cooking dinner for us.”

“It’s fine,” Sasuke said. “I hope it tastes okay. I should really get home, but I’ll see you--“

“Wait, are you serious? You can’t go and not eat the food. We’ll pack some for Mr. Hatake too. He’s probably still in staff meetings, they tend to run long at the start of the year anyway.”

“Oh, no, really, I--“

“Sasuke, you can’t just leave without eating the dinner you made.”

Sasuke smiled at Mr. Uzumaki, and glanced out the window--the white truck was breezing by. His heart skipped. “If you guys are sure it’s--“

“Of course it is. I’ll set the table!” Naruto smiled. 

Sasuke followed Mr. Uzumaki to the dining room. At the very least, he should text Kakashi. He patted his pocket, his heart skipping another beat when he felt  _ nothing _ . He patted his other pocket, and the back pocket, and every other pocket he could think of. Did he leave his phone in his backpack? He--no, he took it out to text Kakashi about the white truck. Did he--lose it? Fuck. He could have dropped it--in the street. But the white truck was still there, he couldn’t step outside. 

“Mr. Uzumaki, do you think I could use your phone to call my dad? I don’t want him to worry.” Mr. Uzumaki was nice enough to take his phone out and offer it to Sasuke. With a small thanks, he dialed Kakashi’s phone. It went to voicemail. “Uh,” he glanced over his shoulder. They were already sitting at the table, within hearing distance. “Uh, uh...dad, it’s me. I’m at a friend’s house, uh, Naruto, he’s in 7 th period, and--anyway, I’ll be home later. Sorry,” he winced and hung up. “Thank you,” he said, returning the phone. 

“You know,” Naruto began once Sasuke took a seat opposite him. “Your dad really doesn’t seem...that strict.”

Sasuke bit his lower lip and shrugged, “he saves all his strictness just for me, I guess.”

“Your dad’s a teacher?” Mr. Uzumaki asked as he served the salad. 

Sasuke nodded, but Naruto answered, “he’s the new chem teacher, dad.”

“Ah,” Mr. Uzumaki smiled. It was kind, it softened his features. “You’ll have to work really hard to impress him, so you can keep Sasuke as a friend then--“

“Of course I will! Neji said advanced chem had more experiments, anyway, and I learn best that way, anyway. I think I’ll be okay. I’ll work to be the best one--“

Mr. Uzumaki’s smile widened. “Don’t you think Sasuke will be the best one?”

“We can tie for first,” Naruto replied easily.

Sasuke shoved some of the salad down his throat, but it was okay. Naruto kept talking like Sasuke wasn’t the most awkward person in the world, and the questions that Mr. Uzumaki asked were straightforward, and Sasuke had easy responses to them. They were beginning to talk about soccer--Naruto jammering about trials coming up in a week, and how Sasuke should definietly try out if he was a good striker, because apparently, the team had just lost two strikers, and the void should really be filled. 

Sasuke hadn’t even processed how to respond to that when the doorbell rang, and Naruto was jumping to get it, and Sasuke was left with cold sweat on his hands and on the back of his neck. When the adrenaline finally kicked in and he managed to stand up, the door was already opened, and Naruto was jammering at Kakashi. Sasuke managed to stay upright. He wiped his hands on his pants. It was just Kakashi. Just Kakashi.

“Eh, Naruto,” Kakashi’s voice floated down the hallway. It sounded soft and cheery. It made shivers crawl up Sasuke’s spine. “I didn’t know you lived around here, and Sasuke, of course is here.” Kakashi stared at him from the front door. Sasuke tried to look away, but he could only managed to swallow. “You dropped your phone on this driveway,” he said, slipping his phone from his suit pocket. “The screen cracked,” he said, tossing it across the hallway. 

Mr. Uzumaki caught it. “Mr--“

“Hatake,” Sasuke whispered, accepting his phone back. The street. He had left it on the street, and he’d been too scared to get it, and really how lucky was he that Kakashi picked it up, and not anyone else? Fuck. 

“Mr. Hatake,” he continued, his tone soft. “Sasuke left a voicemail, he didn’t want you to worry.”

Kakashi smiled. “Oh, my phone died.” He waved his hand in front of his face, “should really buy one of those portable chargers, but I always forget.” His smile remained on his face, “thank you for having him over. See, Sasuke? I told you not to worry about making friends.”

“I was just telling him that we’re all really friendly people,” Naruto said. 

Kakashi nodded, humming. “Yeah, you guys are even nice to the teachers. Come on, Sasuke. It’s time to go. Naruto, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned his attention to the adult-replica of Naruto. “Mr. Uzumaki,” he nodded more firmly this time. 

“We’ll send some dinner home with you. Sasuke made it,” Mr. Uzumaki patted Sasuke’s shoulder. “Naruto, go get his backpack while I get some tupperwares.”

After accepting the dinner bag, Sasuke walked over to Kakashi, who was listening to Naruto talk about...something, Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to pay attention anymore. He couldn’t hear much besides the buzzing in his ears. After bidding goodbye, Kakashi squeezed his shoulder, and guided him towards the street. When they were two houses away from the Uzumaki’s home, Kakashi halted. 

“Is there...a particular reason why you would send such an...alarming text, and then drop your phone near blood droplets?”

Sasuke bit back a wince, from the words or the hold on his shoulder, he couldn’t say. “There was a white truck parked, and...and Naruto,” he looked away when Kakashi shifted to be in front of him. “Snuck up to me, and I punched him, and...I guess I dropped the phone.”

“Mmm.” Kakashi nodded, “makes sense. So, instead of looking for your phone, you decided to play house with a classmate.”

Sasuke’s cheeks burned. “No. It was--a favor. For punching him. And, there was--”

“Right.” Kakashi nodded. “And then, you decided to call me from an unknown phone and leave a voicemail.”

“I...didn’t think you would appreciate a text.”

“Mmm.” Kakashi hummed. It grated Sasuke’s ears. “You know I went to the motel, and I asked for you, but no one could tell me exactly if they’d seen you or not, and once I got into the room, I couldn’t find the paperclip, and now--well, now, I not only left the staff meeting twenty minutes early, most definietly  _ not _ making a good, first impression as you so-wisely advised, but I also spent the last three hours looking for you and paid a motel for the night.” He grabbed both of Sasuke’s shoulder, leaning a little closer to him. “I want you to know, Sasuke, from the bottom of my heart, that if you were my son, I would slap you right now for being so careless, irresponsible, and selfish.” 

Sasuke looked down, “I’m--“

“But,” Kakashi let him go and straightened up. “You’re not my son.” He kept walking, guiding Sasuke back to their house. “And by the way, not a bad truck. If you had your phone, I could have explained, but I guess you just think your phone is for anything other than answering phone calls.”

“I--” Sasuke sighed. “What? Whose the truck, then--” 

Kakashi shushed him with a deep sigh, opening the door. Urushi didn’t wag down the hallway, but Sasuke could hear his deep barks from upstairs. Kakashi patted Sasuke’s shoulder a little warmer, although he couldn’t wrap his mind how he was forgiven so fast. Until he set the dinner down on the kitchen and he had an unobstructed view to the living room. Two men sat at the table. Sasuke had never seen them, but he recognized those sunglasses on the table. 


	2. Chapter 2

Sasuke turned away before the Uchiha employees could catch him looking at them. He shoved the food into the fridge, took a deep sigh, and walked to the living room. He stared a little, but his mind could not place the men’s faces anywhere. He shouldn’t be too surprised, he could hardly remember classmates’ faces, he really should not be expected to remember faces that he may or may not have seen when he was seven or younger. They could be the ones that usually came, but...Sasuke couldn’t place them. Could he recognize them if they were, at any rate? 

“Kakashi, we’ll like to talk to Mr. Uchiha in private,” the man with auburn hair said. “If you don’t mind.” It was clear from his tone that it didn’t matter whether Kakashi minded or not; without a word, Kakashi turned around and disappeared to the second floor. “How are you doing, Sasuke?” 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “it’s Mr. Uchiha, actually.”

Without a pause, the man said, “how are you doing, Mr. Uchiha?”

“Fine.” Sasuke leaned back on the couch. He resisted the urge to cross his arms in front of his chest, and instead forced himself to rest them on the armrest. Hopefully projecting confidence. “What are you guys doing here?”

The other man spoke up. His hair looked burned. “Mr. Uchiha Sr. sent us, of course. He just wants to know how you’ve been doing. Make sure that everything is in order, and that Kakashi is treating you well.”

“It’s Mr. Hatake,” Sasuke replied. He concentrated on keeping his breathing even. “And he’s treating me great, just like the last time Mr. Uchiha Sr. asked. Anything else?”

The two men exhanged a look. The burned hair one continued, “how was your first day as a Junior? It’s the most important year of high school, it’s important to do well, college will be looking at your grades the most and--” 

“It was great, my grades are great, thank you for your concern. Anything else?”

“What classes are you taking?”

“The ones Mr. Uchiha Sr. suggested. He has the list. Anything else?”

“Are you joining any sports?”

“The same as always.” Sasuke stood up. “If that’s all, I believe you know where the door is. It’s a school night, and I still have to do homework.”

“You haven’t finished it?”

Sasuke crossed his arms, “it’s a lot. I’m a Junior now, and the grades are of the outmost importance now.” Both men had matching expressions on their faces now, but Sasuke didn’t care to figure out if it was concealed anger or annoyance. “The door. You’re wasting my fucking time.” He probably shouldn’t have said that, but it was too late now. He wasn’t going to apologize. To them. 

One of the man cleared his throat, “Actually, we were hoping to catch a word with Kakashi--” 

“Mr. Hatake.”

The man nodded, “do you mind sending him. We wouldn’t want to overstep boundaries and find him.”

Sasuke turned and headed upstairs. He swung open Kakashi’s door, not surprised to find him on his computer staring at the security feed. “They want to speak with you.”

“Of course they do,” Kakashi muttered. “You know, you really have to work on your attitude.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious,” Kakashi said, fixing him with a look. “Start your homework, we’ll talk after I let them out.” He slammed the laptop closed.

Sasuke turned and headed to his bedroom. He wanted to hover by the stairs to eavesdrop, but Kakashi would see that if he checked the security cameras, which he would do. Some of the stress in his shoulders rolled away when Urushi came bouncing over to him as soon as he entered his bedroom. He knelt down to pet him behind the ears, smiling a little at the way his tail wagged hard enough to make his entire butt swing left and right. He settled on his bed to do his homework, while he absentmindedly scratched Urushi’s tummy. 

Normally, he’d listened to music while doing homework, but he was hoping to catch at least some of the conversation. Kakashi looked tensed, and so did the men--understandibly, Sasuke knew, he had gone missing for a few hours. He got it. But the house was awfully quiet for them to be having an argument. He snapped the history book, and dragged his math homework to his lap. 

Almost an hour later, he heard the front door closed. He looked up once Kakashi stepped inside the room, feeling a little satisfied when Urushi remained by his side. “I still have homework.”

Kakashi dragged his chair closer to the bed. “You really need to keep track of your stuff better, Sasuke--” 

“It was a freaking accident!” Sasuke snapped. “I told you. I’m sorry I dropped it, I’m sorry I freaked out when I saw a strange truck, I’m sorry I punched Naruto, and I’m sorry I stayed there, I’m sorry I left a voicemail on your phone, okay? Fuck, Kakashi, accidents--” 

“Language.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “get off of it. You cuss too.”

“I’m an adult.”

“Whatever.” Sasuke grabbed his phone, the cracked screen was really going to be inconvenient. He waved it in front of Kakashi’s face. “Thank you for finding it, oh, great one. I’ll make sure not to let it out of my sight ever again.”

“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, but thank you.”

Sasuke looked away, letting his phone drop on the bed. Urushi’s tail was wagging lazily. At least someone was having fun. “Are we done?”

“I wish,” Kakashi sighed. “They didn’t let me know they were coming ahead of time, but you get how it looked to them, don’t you? It looks like I’m irresponsible, and you’re out of control. When I couldn’t tell them where you were, they thought you were kidnapped. I--” He rubbed his forehead, “Sasuke, we’ve gone over this. You have to be nicer to them, so your dad knows you’re fine. It doesn’t matter what we tell them, it only matters what they say to him.”

Sasuke clenched his jaw, “if he really cared, he could come see me himself.”

“He’s a busy man.”

“I’m busy too, and you’re too, and we’re still expected to entertain his fucking shitface employees--” 

“Language.”

“Fuck off.” There was a deep sting on his right cheek. Sasuke’s breath hitched.

Kakashi let out a sigh, “try out for all the sports you can or find some clubs, you can’t be by yourself anymore. I’ll drive you to school, and you’ll come home with me.” He pushed the chair closer to the desk. “Finish your homework, Sasuke.”

\---

The next morning, Kakashi was waiting for Sasuke and Urushi for the morning run. Sasuke tried to outrun him more than once, but Kakashi never gave out, and the only thing that he succeded in was making him more annoyed. The drive to school was tense, and by the time that Sasuke was at his locker, he wasn’t surprised if there was a pop quiz in chemistry that day. 

He was looking at one of the bulletin boards trying to find some interesting clubs or try out days when he heard someone calling his name. It was Naruto.

“Thought I should announce my presence before getting any closer,” Naruto said with a cheeky smile on his face. 

Sasuke managed a tired smile. Naruto’s nose was swelled and tinged an ugly purple shade. He tried not to feel the pang of guilt again. “Thought the dinner made it even.”

“It did. Still doesn’t hurt to be safe.” He motioned at the announcements, “found anything interesting?”

He shrugged, “just soccer and cross country.” That should fill his schedule after school nicely. “Recommend anything else?”

“Nah,” Naruto shrugged easily. “They’ll keep you busy. Most of the soccer team is in cross country anyway, so the schedule works out conveniently for everyone. You like running, uh?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Not to be a creep, but you have a cute dog.” Naruto smiled, “saw you running with a dog and Mr. Hatake this morning.”

“Oh,” Sasuke said, rather stupidly. He put some effort to remind himself that Naruto wasn’t a criminal, and there was nothing weird about that. Naruto was practically his neighbor, so it made sense that he would see him running around the neighborhood. “Yeah, Urushi--uh, our dog--has a lot of energy, so we run every morning.”

“That’s nice.” Naruto said. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but the bell rang. “Hey, I’ll see you at lunch. We can eat at the bleachers. Kiba and Lee, they’re in the soccer team, anyway, they’re having a friendly juggling competition. Money’s on Lee, but no one will get mad if Kiba wins, you know?” 

And with that, Naruto walked away. Sasuke hurried to first period. Somehow, Naruto found him at the beginning of lunch, and they walked together to the bleachers. The field looked new, and truth to his word, there were two boys, each with a soccer ball. Sasuke couldn’t see very well, with a mob of other students surrounding them--he expected Naruto to head to the mob, but to his surprise, the teen sat far from the commotion, somehow getting a good spot to oversee the crowd. 

“The black haired one is Lee, and the other is Kiba, he likes dogs, too.”

Sasuke nodded, taking a seat next to Naruto. “I think Sakura introduced them yesterday.” He could see the pink-haired girl in the middle of the group, apparently keeping score in a pink notebook. “She introduced a lot of people,” he said, taking out his salad. It was leftovers from yesterday, but he doubted that Kakashi would touch it, considering how everything turned out, and Sasuke wasn’t wasteful enough to just throw it away. 

“She’s helpful that way. We’re a small class, anyway. I’m almost sure she introduced everyone,” Naruto chuckled under his breath and pointed at the field. There was a collective groan from everyone, and the soccer balls were being kicked higher in the air, most definietly not the best way to juggle. “How many can you do?”

“Never really counted,” he shrugged. “You?”

“Not as many as them,” Naruto said, looking down at Sasuke’s food, and doing a bad effort to pretend he wasn’t. “But don’t tell them that, or they might not respect their captain very well.”

“ _ You’re _ the team captain?”

“Co-captain,” Naruto grinned. “Why? Is that so surprising?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know. No.” He shook his head, “I just didn’t think a Junior could be captain, that’s all.”

“I think it’s mostly because I can run circles around everyone else,” Naruto shrugged. “Anyway, you might have liked your salad even more than my dad did. To be honest, I wasn’t sure there were good salads, but you might have proven me wrong yesterday. Mom will be glad. She’s a writer, you know. Travel writer, she was supposed to come back yesterday, but her plane got delayed. She’s coming tonight, and dad saved her some of your food. Can I take credit and pretend I did it instead?”

Sasuke blinked, “uh, yeah, I don’t mind.”

“Then again, if I do that, I might have to kidnap you whenever I’m supposed to be making dinner so you can do it instead.”

Sasuke clutched the fork a little tighter. Naruto was just joking. Obviously. “I--” 

“Or I can just text you ahead of time so you can come over and then I can hide you in my bedroom so she doesn’t know you cooked.”

Sasuke huffed, “yeah, sure, once I’m not grounded anymore.” He shoved some more greens into his mouth, turning his attention back to the spectacle in the field. Both Lee and Kiba had good speed, but even with half his view covered, he could tell that Lee was just more precised that the other. 

“You got grounded?”

Sasuke blinked at the question. Naruto sounded...sad. “I always get grounded, don’t worry about it.”

“You...seem like a good enough kid.”

Sasuke sighed. He was. Thank you very much. Honestly, Sasuke had never even tried alcohol, let alone drugs, and he didn’t naturally stay out late at night because he wasn’t an  _ idiot _ . He maintained a straight-A average, ever since he was in elementary school, and he played sports throughout the year; he practiced mixed martial arts, he volunteered at least eight hours a week, and played the piano and violin decently well. He cooked dinner, kept his bedroom--and the rest of the house--clean and helped trained Urushi. Objectively speaking, Sasuke was a perfect kid. He sighed again, and again, only stopping when he realized the deep frown on Naruto’s face.

“I’m only a good kid because I get grounded a lot,” Sasuke hurried to say, pulling a smirk out of thin air. “I would probably be a demon if I wasn’t.”

Naruto laughed, but it sounded tense, even to Sasuke. Thankfully, the warning bell rang, and Sasuke sprang to his feet. Well, that was sufficiently awkward. Chemistry was even more awkward--Naruto’s pen tapping from yesterday was replaced by side glances in his direction. Sasuke did his best to ignore it. To top it all, there was a pop quiz, and apparently everyone knew that Kakashi was his dad, so when it was passed around, Sasuke caught at least six glares in his direction. 

“So Lee wants to have a friendly soccer match, you wanna join?” Naruto asked once school ended, and the classroom was already half-empty.

Did this Lee ever get tired of playing soccer? Maybe he was the other co-captain. Sasuke glanced at Kakashi, who was giving a disinterested look at the pile of quizzes on his desk. “Uh, let me ask,” he said. Soccer would be better than being stuck in the library until Kakashi’s meetings ended, at least. He waited until only him and Naruto were left, and he walked up to the teacher’s desk. “Uh, dad.” That was so awkward. For so many reasons, that Sasuke didn’t want to list them all. Kakashi glanced up with a raised eyebrow. “Uh, so some guys from the soccer team are having a friendly game, and--” 

“Soccer try outs are next Monday,” Kakashi said. “Does your reputation preceed you so well that you don’t even have to try out?”

Sasuke felt the back of his neck getting warmer. “No. I was--”

“I invited him to play, Mr. Hatake,” Naruto stepped in. “It’ll be good for him to meet some of his future teammates.” He smiled. 

Kakashi returned the smile, putting the quizzes in his messanger bag. “Eh, you could, but you’re grounded, and I don’t have staff meetings, so we’re going home. Maybe another time.”

Sasuke was about to nod, when Naruto continued, “I could drop him off home.”

“Very nice of you, Naruto. But Sasuke’s still grounded. Maybe another time.” Kakashi repeated, and ushered them both out of the classroom. “Have a good day,” he smiled one last time and locked the classroom, before heading to the parking lot. 

“See ya,” Naruto waved, and Sasuke returned it, before following Kakashi. 

The drive back to the house was quiet, except for the annoying radio host going on and on about the stock market, and the GDP growth projected for the end of the year. It was barely August, and they were already talking about December. If this host was a Christmas enthusiast, then he’ll probably be blabbering about Christmas carols. Thank God for small miracles. 

Sasuke was heading upstairs when he heard Kakashi clearing his throat. He rolled his eyes and turned to face him. “What?”

“Living room.”

“I’m going to do my homework.”

“Of course you are. In the living room.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Are you serious? What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to do your homework in the living room.”

Kakashi dissappeared into the kitchen. Sasuke tried to calm down by petting Urushi, but even after a good five minutes, he could feel the anger pressing down on his chest. He glanced at the kitchen, Kakashi was facing away from him, doing something on the stove. Dinner, probably. Sasuke turned around and ran upstairs. Urushi followed him, and when they were both inside his bedroom, he locked his door. He heard Kakashi’s footsteps seconds later. A sharp knock. 

“Sasuke, open up and go do your homework.”

“I am doing my homework.”

“Open up. I asked you to do it in the living room.”

“I can’t concentrate there.”

“You can concentrate anywhere. Open the door.” A pause. Sasuke didn’t move from the bed. “I’m going to count to three, open the door. One.” A pause. “Two.” 

Sasuke opened the door before he realized what he was doing. Kakashi stepped inside, petted Urushi behind his ears, grabbed Sasuke’s backpack, and nudged him back downstairs. He even pulled one of the chairs back for him. He pushed him down. “Thank you, Sasuke. You’re such a good listener.”

Sasuke glared, but took his books out. He wanted to stay angry, and he was--he could feel the adrenaline kicking inside him, but...Kakashi was acting strange, and it left Sasuke with an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was just done with his calculus problems, when Kakashi walked to the living room. 

“You can take a 30 minute break and take Urushi on a walk.”

“That doesn’t count for being grounded?” Sasuke huffed.

“It’s not his fault that you’re irresponsible. Take your phone. Don’t lose it,” Kakashi said, almost throught gritted teeth. “If you’re not back half an hour after leaving, I’m calling your dad and asking him to find another guardian.”

Sasuke watched Kakashi walk back to the kitchen. He was unsure how much of an empty threat that was, but it left a bad taste in his mouth. He ignored the feeling in his gut and his throat, and headed upstairs to change out of his uniform. He was out the house with the leash in one hand and his phone on the other. He couldn’t possibly loose it if he held it the entire time. Running was a welcomed activity, but he kept an eye on the time. Kakashi had never threatened that, and...and he didn’t want another guardian. He liked living with Kakashi, and he knew where it was coming from, the completely irrational worry, and it was annoying, but...Sasuke sighed and slowed down to a walk. 

He still had five minutes to make it back home. He was turning the corner, when again, he halted. Mr. Uzumaki was standing in his driveway, talking to the red-haired, well, talking to Naruto’s mom. He vaguely remembered the conversation at lunch, she must have just gotten back. Naruto’s parents were talking animately with each other; Sasuke did his best to walk without them spotting him, eyes on the ground and all, but nope. 

Apparently, Mrs. Uzumaki liked dogs. She asked to pet Urushi, and of course, the doggie had no problem wagging his entire body for the sweet woman. Sasuke fixed his eyes on his dog to avoid eye contact with Mr. Uzumaki, but he could feel his eyes on him. 

“I’d offer my hand, Mrs. Uzumaki, but I’m kind of sweaty,” Sasuke managed to say. He was sweaty. And gross. And running late. 

“Don’t worry about it. Minato was just telling me how Naruto reeled you in to cook dinner yesterday.”

Sasuke smiled, hoping it didn’t look as awkward as it felt, and gave a weak shrug. “All I could do for running into his nose.”

To his surprise, Mrs. Uzumaki laughed. Minato had the same soft smile he wore the entire dinner yesterday. “He heals fast. Playing sports, he has plenty of practice recovering fast.”

Sasuke nodded, “yes, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“I do feel bad that you made dinner, you are the new neighbor after all, it should be backwards. Tell you what, you let us know when your family can come over, and we’ll host you.” Sasuke was thinking of a hundred million excuses to say no to that. “You can’t say no. Just let us know, alright?”

Sasuke nodded. Helplessly. He was sure that Kakashi didn’t feel anything towards the Uzumakis, but honestly, he didn’t really want to escale a situation that Sasuke was not entirely sure  _ was _ happening, but it could be, and he didn’t want to aggravate anything. “I will, Mrs. Uzumaki. Thank you for the invitation.” He glanced at the direction of his house. “I should really get going, uh...dad’s waiting for me.” He nodded vaguely, before he bribed Urushi to keep walking with a smelly piece of hot dog. 

Dinner was quiet. He hadn’t been late, but Kakashi still didn’t have anything to say. Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to mention the offer from Mrs. Uzumaki. He wanted to say something, maybe even apologize for yesterday, but Sasuke had already apologized. He was sure that he had apologized at least twice, but Kakashi didn’t seem to care, and short of begging for forgiveness, he didn’t know what to do. Besides, he couldn’t beg for forgiveness. Uchihas didn’t beg. When they were done, he cleared the dishes, washed them, and started on his homework again.

The rest of the week was just as quiet. In the past, there were quiet periods in his life, and they were usually welcomed, but--now, Kakashi was actively avoiding him, even if Sasuke was still banned from his bedroom unless it was for sleeping, and even Naruto, while still friendly and talkative seemed to be just a little more reserved. A riddiculous observation, Sasuke knew, because he really didn’t know Naruto at all. He didn’t really know anyone in the town, but still, the sudden silence in his life made him...uncomfortable. Angsty, if he was being honest with himself. 

By the end of the next week, Sasuke had joined both the soccer and cross country teams. At least the combined physical extertions were making him less angsty and less able to think about things. And Naruto had been right, everyone in the soccer team was also in cross country, and the team spirit was strong, so everyone was welcoming. 

As it turned out, Lee wasn’t the other co-captain, a Senior, Neji, was. He was the goalie and a quiet guy, but he ran hard drills, and although every teammate worked hard--harder than Sasuke’s previous team--Neji always seemed to be focused more than anyone else, not only on his own movements, but on every else’s movements. According to Neji, technique was the key to success, and an uniform technique was the key to winning games. It surprised Sasuke a little how easily he listened to Neji’s advice, but he attributed it to the visible improvements that they created. 

The last soccer practice of the week had been particularly grueling, to the point that Sasuke was positive that no matter how much Urushi whined, there was no way they were running the next morning. Let alone later tonight. Sasuke was positive that Coach Sarutobi had figured out the key to motivation: no one wanted to be the one working the least, so everyone worked the hardest. Talk about peer pressure. He shoved his towel in his duffel and was tying his shoes when he heard the bench creaked. He was a little surprised to find Naruto sitting next to him. 

“Hey,” Naruto said. “Rough practice, right?”

Sasuke nodded. Naruto had also not been joking when he said he could run circles around everyone. He could. Sasuke wasn’t out of shape or anything, but the amount of steady high energy from him, and even Lee, was just intense. “You seemed fine.”

“Ha. Nah, I think I’ll be dead until Monday.”

Sasuke chuckled and stood up. His calves burned. “See you then.”

“Actually,” Naruto slammed his locker. He winced at the sound. “I know this might be kinda awkward, but I promised mom I’d ask you, but have you, well, do you guys, are you guys--my mom says I should ask you about that dinner she mentioned last week?” Before Sasuke could say anything, he continued, “I mean, I told her that maybe you forgot, or that you did ask, but you guys didn’t want to come, which is fine, I get that for Mr. Hatake, it might be awkward, you know? To eat dinner at one of his student’s house, but mom’s not letting me hear the end of it, and she’s even more stubborn than I am, really, so I promised I would ask.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “actually, I’ve been meaning to ask since Wednesday, but like I said...I didn’t want to make it...awkward. Which. Seems it still happened.”

“Oh. Uh,” Sasuke swallowed, but managed to offer a smile. “I haven’t asked. Uh, dad’s being really busy, and uh, I’m still grounded--” 

Naruto frowned. “Seriously?”

Sasuke shrugged, “I told you, I’d be a demon if I was let loose.” 

Naruto’s frown deepened. He cleared his throat, “so, if I invite you to a team hangout on Saturday, that would be a no too, right?”

Sasuke shook his head, “sorry, but thanks.” They headed to the parking lot together. Sasuke spotted Kakashi already in the car, even from a distance, he could see him tapping at the wheel. He hurried his pace. He expected Naruto to walk to his car, but he just continued to walk beside him. 

“How long do you usually get grounded for?” Naruto asked. 

Sasuke shrugged, “two weeks.”

“Technically, if he also comes to dinner, it’s not really a violation to the grounding though, right?” 

Sasuke shook his head. All it mattered to Kakashi was to keep an eye on him. “Probably not.”

“You mind if I ask him? You guys can come over tonight.”

Sasuke shrugged. At least in the Uzumaki’s home, Kakashi would be forced to spare him some words. “Be my guest, just don’t be surprised when he says no.” He knocked on Kakashi’s window and when he caught his eye, nodded in Naruto’s direction. Kakashi pulled down the window. 

“Yo.”

“Hi, Mr. Hatake. So, I was just telling Sasuke that my mom wants to invite you to dinner, and I mean, I know it’s last minute, I kept forgetting to ask, but are you guys free tonight? I know invitations are usually not for the same day, but...I’m forgetful,” he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. 

Kakashi kept quiet for a moment, before humming. “Eh, I actually have plans tonight, but I don’t want to seem rude. Do you think your parents would mind if it’s just Sasuke joining them?”

“Really?” Both teens asked. 

“Mmm, yes. It’s not polite to decline dinner invitations, Sasuke,” Kakashi said cheerily. “What do you think Naruto? Will your parents mind?”

“No. I mean, they’ll want to try with you both another day, for sure, but no, Sasuke can come.”

“Great. Sasuke, we’ll go home, and after you pack, I’ll drop you off at Naruto’s house. Sounds good?”

“Pa--pack? For what?”

“Eh, you’re so forgetful, I told you, I have to visit nana and I can’t leave you alone. We’re leaving tomorrow after dropping Urushi at the kennel. Eh, he hates that place, but we can’t take him, so...it’ll be so much better if he could stay home, but no one is going to be watching him, and he can’t feed himself. I mean, I guess you could stay, but I can’t leave you alone by yourself,” Kakashi sighed. “Hopefully, Urushi won’t be too traumatized when we pick him up.”

“Uh, dad, I--” 

“You know, Mr. Hatake,” Naruto interrupted. “If you want, I could dogsit for you guys.”

Kakashi hummed. Sasuke was trying his best to look passive. “Eh, thanks, Naruto, but Urushi doesn’t really like strangers. Only if we’re there with him, you know? He’s so picky...eh. He doesn’t like strangers or strange dogs, so you can imagine how badly he hates the kennel.” He tsked. “Oh, well.”

“Well, if you’d like, Sasuke could stay the weekend at my house, that way, he’s not alone, but he can still go and check up Urushi every day, and Urushi doesn’t have to spend the weekend at the kennel.”

Sasuke almost huffed at that, and held his breath for Kakashi’s resolute ‘no’ but it never came. 

“Oh. Well,” Kakashi stared at Sasuke for a long time. “I guess I could unground you a few days earlier.” Sasuke gaped at him, but he was already looking at Naruto, “you sure your parents won’t mind?”

“Nah, they’re used to friends staying over,” Naruto grinned.

With another show of gratitude from Kakashi, both cars left the school’s parking lot. Sasuke managed five minutes of silence before he broke it. “I don’t--” 

“Obviously, you need your phone at all times. On.” 

Sasuke licked his lips, “Kakashi, I don’t have a  _ nana _ .”

His guardian sighed, “I’m meeting your dad tomorrow. He’s flying me in. I didn’t want to leave you alone, but he wanted me to come alone,” he huffed. “It was a wonder that Naruto was so accomodating.”

“You were egging him on.” Sasuke decided to focus on that part instead of the  _ father _ part. He knew he messed up, honestly, he knew. And now, Kakashi was going to go and try to smooth things over, and--he sighed and turned to look at him. He couldn’t read his face. He took a deep breath, “I--” Uchihas didn’t act like this. He was not sure what this was, but it was not acceptable, he was pretty sure. “Are you asking him to find someone else?”

Kakashi glanced at him. He kept quiet until they were parked in front of the house’s garage. “I shouldn’t have said that to you, Sasuke. I won’t apologize for slapping you, but I’ll apologize for threatening my retirement.” He took the keys out of the ignition, “I was really worried about you, but that was not the right thing to say. I don’t know what your dad wants, but I will never leave by my own wishes.”

“Please don’t let him fire you,” Sasuke winced at his tone, but other than that, he couldn’t care. 

“I’ll do my best.” Kakashi smiled, “but if he does, you’re just two years away from being an adult. I know there are a lot of expectations on you, and it’s been confusing, but you should always do your best...” Kakashi trailed off.

With a pause, they both got out of the car. Sasuke hurried to take a shower, and dress presentable enough, but comfortable enough to go to the Uzumaki’s. Kakashi’s luggage was by the door when he headed downstairs. Sasuke looked away, pushing down the urge to unpack the suitcase and lock Kakashi inside the house. It was a stupid urge. It was. He knew that. Last time he had clinged onto someone’s leg and begged them not to leave, they had ended six feet underground. 

He wouldn’t curse Kakashi like that. 

Besides, Uchihas didn’t beg. 

Kakashi walked him all the way to the Uzumaki’s doorstep, and turned up the charm to apologize for his absence and thanking them for letting his son stay the weekend. He ruffled Sasuke’s hair and headed back to the car, and Sasuke was left fighting the urge of running after him. It was a stupid urge. He knew that. Uchihas didn’t run after people. 

Naruto’s parents refused to let him help them set the table, or do anything else, so instead, Sasuke spent about an hour doing his homework on Naruto’s bedroom’s floor. Naruto was just finishing a story about how when he was in elementary school, everyone thought he was an idiot because he couldn’t read, until they found out he had dylexia, when there was a knock on the door, and Mr. Uzumaki came in. 

“Dinner’s ready, guys. Sasuke, I hope you like spicy food.”

Sasuke nodded. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki, thank you. I’m really not picky.” He was. But he was a guest, and no one needed to know how picky he really was. Even if he did mind spicy food, he would gladly shove it down his throat.

“I guess not many teen boys are,” Mr. Uzumaki replied easily. “Wash your hands, guys. Sasuke, you can use the guest bathroom so you don’t wait for Naruto.”

He didn’t think anyone took particularly long washing their hands, but Sasuke just nodded and followed Mr. Uzumaki to the guest bathroom. He expected conversation, but Mr. Uzumaki just dissappeared back downstairs. Sasuke shrugged to himself and washed his hands, looking around the bathroom. Its pallete was duller than Naruto’s room, but the soap dispenser was still a bright orange, and there was a little orange fox figurine next to the sink. 

After everyone had food on their plate, Sasuke dug in. The stew was spicy, but it tasted delicious, if Sasuke was being honest. Kakashi’s cooking skills were mediocre and his own were decent, but he found that it was...nice to eat someone else’s cooking for once. He made sure to compliment them on the food more than once. 

“So, Sasuke,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, setting her spoon down. “How are you liking the town so far?”

Sasuke smiled and nodded. “It’s nice. Quiet.” He had no idea what town she was talking about. As far as his experience went, the ‘town’ consisted of Konoha Preparatory Academy, the house, and the 2-mile radius around it. Kakashi wouldn’t even let him near the trails if he was on his own. 

“Done anything exciting?”

“Uh, my dog found the hangout for all the neighborhood cats,” Sasuke offered, joking a little. Bless their hearts, all three Uzumakis laughed at that. “But I haven’t really done anything else. I lead a pretty boring life.”

Mr. Uzumaki chuckled, “I don’t believe that. Naruto tells us you’re a good striker, that’s pretty exciting. What else do you do for fun?”

“Dad,” Naruto groaned, “this isn’t an interrogation. You’re not at work.”

Sasuke kept his expression under control. What kind of work involved interrogations? Police sure, but--well, Sasuke knew that looks could be deceiving, sure, but Mr. Uzumaki looked like anything other than a police officer. He chuckled a little, “it’s fine, I don’t mind.” He did, but he knew how to push through discomfort. He was supposed to, at least. “To be honest, I don’t really have a lot of free time. I guess mostly play fetch with Urushi.” 

“That’s fun,” Mrs. Uzumaki said kindly. 

Mr. Uzumaki nodded and looked like he was going to say something, but Naruto beat him to it. “Maybe tomorrow we can play fetch! You think he’ll bring the ball to me?”

Sasuke nodded, “if you have a few smelly treats on you, sure. We’ll just be careful not to give him too many, or he might get sick.”

Apparently, Naruto had been serious when he said that dinner was not an interrogation because he kept the converastion as a monologue for the rest of it. Sasuke didn’t mind, and Mrs. Uzumaki seemed genuinly interested in catching up with her son. At the end, Mrs. Uzumaki had excused herself to unpack, dragging Naruto to help her. Sasuke stood up to help Mr. Uzumaki clear the table, even when he said that it wasn’t necessary. 

“Please, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, rather smoothly. He would pat himself on the back later. “It’s not a problem. You guys have been so kind already, letting me stay here just so we didn’t have to drop Urushi at the kennel. The least I can do is help clean the dishes.” 

“It’s not a problem, Sasuke,” he replied. “But sure, if it makes you feel better, I don’t mind the help.”

Mr. Uzumaki washed the dishes and would then hand them to Sasuke to dry. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Sasuke spoke up, “uh, Mr. Uzumaki, I really didn’t mind the questions.”

He chuckled under his breath. “Thanks. Naruto was right, though. Sometimes, I forget to turn off the bad cop act. You’d think I’d remember after so many years, but...” he trailed off. It reminded Sasuke of Kakashi. “Anyway, I wasn’t trying to get information out of you. Just trying to make conversation.”

“Sorry I couldn’t make more of it. I really don’t do a lot of exciting things,” Sasuke sat the last plate in the cabinet. He washed as Mr. Uzumaki began to wash the first pot. “I’m usually busy just doing homework or other things,” he shrugged. 

“Other things?” Mr. Uzumaki asked. 

Sasuke shrugged, “team practice, violin. Running, stuff like that.” 

Mr. Uzumaki paused for a few seconds. “You seem like a really good kid. It sure sounds like you work hard at a lot of things.”

“Uh, yeah. I mean, with, uh, dad being a teacher and all, I don’t like to give him extra trouble.”

“Must be kind of weird to be in his class, no?”

“It was at first, but uh, dad treats me just like everyone. I wasn’t expecting favoritism or anything, but I wasn’t sure what to expect at first.”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded, handing him the pot. “Glad it worked out. I had a friend in high school, I know, a long time ago, that was also the kid of one of his teacher. His dad was always the hardest on him to make sure no one thought there was favoritism going on.”

Sasuke winced. “That sucks. Uh, dad doesn’t do that, I think he knows how hard I work.” The fact was that he never wanted to find out what Kakashi would do if he acted out during his class. That alone was a good deterrment to prevent any acting out--not that he tended to acted out. He felt a buzzing in his pocket and took it out, Kakashi’s number flashing on the screen. “Speaking of which, sorry Mr. Uzumaki, do you mind if I take this? It’s my, uh, my dad.” When Mr. Uzumaki shook his head with a warm smile, Sasuke picked up. He considered stepping away from prying ears, but that looked suspicious. There would be no reason for someone who wasn’t hiding something to step away for a private conversation. “Uh, hi.”

“How’s it going?”

It sounded like Kakashi was still driving. “Uh, good. We just had dinner. I helped Mr. Uzumaki clean up. I’m going to take Urushi out and give him his dinner Kong.”

“Don’t go by yourself,” Kakashi said.

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious.”

Sasuke’s breath hitched, he shifted a little away from Mr. Uzumaki. “I know. I promise.”

“Take care. Keep your phone on and charged.”

“I will.” Sasuke wanted to tell him that he knew, he wasn’t an idiot--but last week, he had been an idiot, and he wasn’t sure he had earned back the privilege of being indignated when Kakashi insulted his intelligence. “Bye.” Kakashi hung up after a light hum. He pocketed his phone quickly, before turning back to Mr. Uzumaki, who was washing the last pot. Sasuke hurried to grab the other one that was soaking wet. “Sorry--” 

Mr. Uzumaki smiled softly at him. “For what?”

Sasuke blinked. Usually when he apoligized, people would just tell her not to worry and call a day or something. “Oh, uh, it just seemed a little rude to pick up a call when I’m helping,” he shrugged and reached for the pot that Mr. Uzumaki had just finished. “Uh, would it be okay if Naruto helps me take Urushi on a walk? I promised dad I wouldn’t go by myself.”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded. “Your dad worries a lot about you, doesn’t he?”

It took more energy than it should to nod. “I guess working with teens makes him worry more about what I could be doing.”

“I’m sure he knows you’re a good kid, Sasuke.”

Sasuke sighed. He didn’t feel like a  _ good kid _ . His real father sure as fuck didn’t think that at all, and Kakashi--lately, Sasuke had been causing more trouble than not. Losing his phone shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but those stupid men showed up the same day, and Sasuke hadn’t kept his temper in check. His father had obviously wanted to meet Kakashi to go over that meeting and ask him why Sasuke had such a rotten attitude. He set the kitchen rag down, “I hope so.” He caught himself a second later, and he forced a chuckle out of his mouth, “I mean, like I said, he works with so many teens, I don’t think it’s fair if  _ I _ give him more trouble at home.”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded and smiled at him, before heading to the stairs to call Naruto. Sasuke closed his eyes, belittling himself. Idiot. Fucking moron. Maybe the vulnerability with Kakashi might have been acceptable, but a complete stranger? Fuck, he was pathetic. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Sasuke? Are you awake?”

He considered pretending that he was asleep--he had been a second ago, but now, he was not. He didn’t really know sleep-over etiquette, wasn’t entirely sure that there was such a thing--the last time he had a sleepover was in Suigetsu’s ten-year old birthday party and that was a long time. He cleared his throat, “I am now.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” After the silence dragged on, he sat up so he could be eye-level to Naruto’s bed. “Well?”

Naruto turned to face him, “oh. I thought you went back to sleep.”

Sasuke wished he could have gone back to sleep. By all accounts, he was a light-sleeper, maybe even had mild insomnia, he wasn’t sure. He had no trouble  _ falling  _ asleep, it was the  _ staying _ asleep part that really got to him. Going back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night? Ha, if only. He shook his head, “I really hope you make it worthwhile.”

“I don’t know about that,” Naruto said, rolling onto his stomach and pulling his pillow under his chin. “But do you know about the Denver Airport?”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes. “Never being there, but...it’s in Colorado?”

“Right,” Naruto said. He reached across the bed for his phone, typing quickly and passing it to Sasuke, who took it with a raised eyebrow. “Okay, you see the horse?”

“Yes. I see the horse.” It was a horse statue and it looked like it had taken a long time to do, and when he glanced up at Naruto, he looked like he was expecting him to say something else. “Do...you like horses?”

“No!” Naruto said, clearly passionate about his hatred for horses. “Especially not this one. Did you know that it fell on the sculptur and killed him?”

“No, I--” 

“I’m not done,” Naruto said. “He is kinda hellish looking, though, right? You see that?” Sasuke nodded, even though he didn’t see whatever  _ that _ was. It didn’t seem to matter, Naruto just kept going, “people say he represents the horsemen from the Apocalypse, which makes sense considering the whole airport is a secret base for rich people when the Apocalypse comes. The only weird thing is, why would they make it so blatantly obvious by putting up a horseman as decoration at the literal entrance to the bunker? I mean, if the Apocalypse did happen, and sure, they could be safe there, but wouldn’t everyone else also go there? There would be mass hysteria and literally no one would cared if they had to kill a few rich people to be saved--”

Sasuke really wouldn’t mind killing a few rich people himself. “I--” 

“Wait,” Naruto raised his hand. “I’m still not convinced about what a bunker could do, you know? I mean, there’s movies and books and stuff like that about people surviving the apocalypse, but do they really survive it? Don’t they just become monsters themselves? In all likelihood, wouldn’t they turn into cannibals or something? If they are in a bunker, they are bound to run out of food eventually--if it’s a radioactive apocalypse, there’s no way anything above ground would be eatable, and when they run out of food, won’t they have to eat each other? But, they would have to know they’ll run out of each other eventually, and does that mean they would be breeding babies to eat them later? I mean, it’s a 9-month process, and it’s probably super gross--anyway, if the rich do make it into the airport for shelter, how exactly would they even decide who gets eaten when? Wouldn’t it make more sense if they take some poor people along so they could do that? You know I watched this movie once where they were eating insects on a train, and that makes since, they’re really high in protein, all things considered, but then the rich people were eating steak and vegetables, and outside the train there is freezing temperatures, the whole earth is supposed to be frozen, so my question is, how did they get that yummy food into the train, and how did they manage to keep it that way, or keep restocking for the next twenty years or so? If the train had the technology to sustain plant and animal life, wouldn’t the governments of the world had made it so other buildings, in fact, every building, could have that technology. Nevermind that the train could have only started at one place, in one country, and the tracks must have been built ahead of time, but doesn’t it make sense that before a train that went around the world with the last humans ever would have been destroyed before it was ever completed? Surely the rest of the humans wouldn’t have been very happy about that, and let’s be honest, wouldn’t they try the very best to destroy it, out of spite at least? And even if the common people were convinced by the world government that it would be fine, surely there wasn’t enough space for all the world government and the global elites to be put into it, so wouldn’t they start to betray each other?”

Sasuke watched him take a deep breath. But to his surprise, he looked like he was actually done, and now, to his horrror, it actually looked like Naruto was waiting for his response to all of that. “Uh. I’m pretty sure that for the..airport, they would take animals so they wouldn’t have to eat each other, and animals can reproduce faster, so that...works out.” Was he really having this conversation? “And as for the train, it’s a movie. There’s supposed to be suspension of belief--” 

“Not when the movie is presented in a way that it takes itself seriously, and so expects the viewer to take it seriously too!” Naruto said, “And here’s the other thing, at the end of the movie, you find out that the revolution the protagonist was having was actually staged by the people in control of the train, and it was staged every couple of years, and I’m pretty sure the person who staged it last agreed to help the next revolution be staged, but wouldn’t it make more sense for that character to actually go through the revolution, instead of falling in flake with the system that was put in place to purposelly harm him? And--if in fact, like I said, the train had the capacity to keep producing steak and plants for the rich, wouldn’t it also have the capacity to produce it for the poor? I--” 

“Maybe it was just pointing out how it’s human nature to always put yourself above others and--” 

“I don’t believe that!”

“That’s great,” Sasuke replied. He kept his tone in check, thankfully. “But there are systems in place right now that show this. Maybe the movie made it more grotesque, but right now, people actively benefit from other people who were born in...unfortunate circumstances. The people who can change the system don’t want to because it benefits them, and the people who would benefit from breaking the system can’t because they are too busy surviving the system. It’s pretty messed up, but--” 

“Don’t say that it’s the way it is.”

“It is.” Sasuke shrugged.

“It doesn’t have to be like that--” 

“No, but short of revolution, what is anyone supposed to do?” Sasuke shrugged again. 

“If everyone does their part, then it wouldn’t need a revolution to change.”

“Sure, if everyone did it, but like I said, no one is going to do their part. And a small group of people can’t possibly change everything, much less one single person--” 

“Every person has the power to make the world a better place--” 

“That’s what they want everyone to believe--” 

“Who’s they?” Naruto asked incredulous. 

Sasuke was a little offended at that, as if he was the one with the conspiracy theories. “The people who are in charge of the system, obviously.”

“And I thought I was the crazy one.”

“Are you serious?” Sasuke would not stared with his mouth open wide. He would not. 

“I’m just saying, the people in charge are in charge because they are looking for everyone’s best interest, and if they are not, there are ways to pick better people. The people who are in charge know that, so they look out for everyone so they aren’t replaced. That’s the whole point of checks and balances.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “if you say so--” 

“And--!”

And that was how the rest of the night was spent. Sasuke was a little surprised that Naruto never relented, and even more surpsied that he didn’t either, even if common sense told him that they weren’t getting anywhere. At one point, the conversation landed on the French Revolution and the American Revolution, and Sasuke was impresssed at Naruto’s knowledge of the topics at hand and his knowledge of conspiracies during those time periods. If he wasn’t so sleep-deprived by morning, he might have congratulated him. 

When Sasuke saw it was six o’clock, he stood up. The room spun. It was fine. “Do you think your parents would mind if you tagged along for Urushi’s run?” 

“No,” Naruto replied. Unlike Sasuke’s hoarser voice, Naruto’s voice seemed unfazed by the non-stop talking over six hours. 

“Great. Let’s go.”

“Wait, right now? Isn’t it a little early?” Naruto asked. 

Sasuke smirked, “yes. Hurry up.”

“On second thought, I think my parents won’t--” 

He threw a pillow at him. “Misery loves company, Naruto. Hurry up.”

With the loudest groan, he did. After fixing up the room, getting ready, and leaving three messages explaining where they were, they snuck out the window. To his complete dismay, Naruto didn’t look as miserable as Sasuke felt. 

Urushi had a blast though. Sasuke realized competing with Naruto after getting no sleep whatsover was the stupidest thing he could do, considering he knew how much stamina Naruto had. Sasuke had no problem running faster than him, but it was near impossible to maintain that lead for even a minute. As a result, he ran like a maniac and was barely standing by the end. 

“Can’t wait for the night run,” Naruto said. Sasuke glared. He couldn’t even see any sweat on him, not a single sign that Naruto felt like dying too. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m pretty sure I told you I can run circles around anyone.”

“Wow...Thank you...for reminding...me, oh great, Captain.” It would have probably sounded more sarcastic if he wasn’t half-gasping for breath. Naruto just chuckled. 

Once inside the house, Sasuke let go of Urushi and filled up his treat ball with breakfast. Naruto stared at it, but before he could ask, he shrugged, “keeps him entertained. Usually, he gets it when we’re going to school.”

“Ah. Make you guys feel better for abandoning such an adorable pooch, I get it,” Naruto said. Sasuke didn’t let him know how right he was. “Are you taking a shower?”

He nodded, “are you going home?”

“And waste the opportunity to hang out in Mr. Hatake’s house? No way.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, before motioning to the stairs, “come on. You’ll be quarantined to my room. I don’t think my, uh, my dad’s going to be too happy when he finds out you went snooping around.”

Naruto followed him, “I mean, I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Sasuke just pointed to the camera at the end of the hallway. “Nice try, genius. You can entertain yourself here instead.” He grabbed a change of clothes and then headed to his bathroom. In the old place, they used to share a bathroom, but now, he didn’t think he could go back to that. He liked not having limited sink space. It was nice. After the shower, he was even more tired, but at least he was clean and not feeling to miserable. “Found anything insteresting?” He asked once he stepped out. As soon as he asked, he racked his brain to figure out if there was anything interesting that shouldn’t have been there, but he came out blank. 

It’s not like he kept a diary talking about his real family. 

“Uh, yes!” Naruto said. He pulled blue mats from underneath the bed. “What are they for? They’re so hard.”

Good to know some mats were the most interesting thing in his room. “Um. Uh, dad teaches me self-defense sometimes. Not since we moved, though. I actually forgot they were down there.” It wasn’t just self-defense, he was pretty sure at least half were offensive moves, but it would sound too weird. It was sounding too weird already, judging by Naruto’s expression. “Dad studied MMA since he was a kid, but he couldn’t find a dojo he liked for me, so he just taught me instead. He calls it ‘father-son bonding time’.”

“That’s super cool! When I was a kid I wanted to do karate, but then I saw the World Cup, and wanted to do soccer instead.” He shoved the mats back and stood up. “Do you need anything before we leave?”

Sasuke grabbed his laptop and charger, checked on Urushi one last time, and followed Naruto to his home. 

\---

“So you’re not allowed to stay by yourself?”

Sasuke shook his head for the twelve hundredth time. 

“But you’re sixteen!”

“Very astute observation,” Sasuke replied.

“Why not?”

Sasuke paused at that. The house had security cameras, anywhere they lived, there were security cameras, and if it was to make sure he didn’t get in trouble, surely, that was deterrment enough. He knew that being around other people was supposed to be a deterrment to other people who would want to kidnap him or something, but if they were really dedicated, that wouldn’t matter. He hoped they weren’t that dedicated. No one had tried to kidnap him since he was seven, because who would want to kidnap the kid of a high school teacher? But. But as far as he knew, logic did not faze Fugaku Uchiha. 

“Uh, dad’s being to too many trainings and conferences showing bad teen behavior?” He ventured. A lie. There were plenty of trainings like that, but Sasuke knew Kakashi tuned them out. He probably shouldn’t. But he wasn’t going to tell his guardian how to do his job. 

“But he thinks staying the weekend with  _ Naruto _ is okay?” Kiba asked.

Sasuke found that Kiba had a lot of questions. “I think is more staying with Naruto’s parents.”

“They’re not even here right now!”

Sasuke smirked, “very astute observation.”

After breakfast, Mr. Uzumaki had rushed out, apparently on-call at the station--Sasuke didn’t ask, but Naruto didn’t looked surprised, so it was probably a common thing. Two hours later, Naruto begged his mom to leave too, so that  _ the team can hang out together and have a lot of fun, Mom, it’s Sasuke’s first bonding team day, there can’t be any adults! _

Sasuke had been a little mortified that he was the excuse to get rid of Mrs. Uzumaki, and begged to all the gods that Kakashi wouldn’t find out and that none of his new teammates were secretly out to get him and that no one who was out to get him tried to get him today. But, he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying himself. Despite Kiba’s unrelenting questions. 

“Don’t get sassy with me, Hatake,” Kiba said. There was a wide smile on his face. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned back to the television. Naruto was getting his ass handed to him by Neji, and it was the most hilarious thing in the world. It felt like retribution, like Karma, for Naruto keeping him awake the whole goddam night. 

“So where did you move from?”

Kiba had so many questions. But getting to know teammates was crucial for trust in the field, which was important to win games, which was crucial if he was going to make it up to Kakashi. And to his father. 

“The east coast.” After a pause, he added, “uh, my dad used to work in one of the inner city schools. I went there, actually, but he was pretty excited when he got this job.”

“Do you miss it?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I guess? Public transportation sucks here.”

“Don’t you have a license?”

“No.” Apparently, it was okay for him to go to public school until now, where it absolutely involved being part of public records, but evidently, getting a license was too risky in case someone was snooping around. “And I wouldn’t have a car anyway.”

“Sakura told me you drive with your father,” Neji said. 

Sasuke ignored the feeling in the pit of his stomach. Right now, Kakashi must be in the meeting with his father, and...Sasuke had been such an idiot. “Yeah.”

“How do you get around, though?” Lee asked, accepting Naruto’s controller and looking too determined about beating Neji.

Sasuke chuckled. He cleared his throat. “I don’t get around...”

“Wh--” 

“Mr. Hatake likes to keep a close eye on him because if he didn’t, he would turn into the devil himself, and kill all of us,” Naruto butt in. He shoved chips in his mouth, “so really, we should all be building a shrine in Mr. Hatake’s honor.”

Lee and Kiba nodded, though Sasuke suspected it was more out of amusement than anything else. 

“You don’t strike me as a particularly evil person,” Neji said.

Sasuke shrugged. He was getting tired of this conversation topic. At this rate, it looked more like Kakashi was a controlling freak--maybe, he should start taking drugs and getting out of control to make it look like he did need a tight leash for the benefit of everyone. Ha. His father would probably choke him with that leash. “Only because I’m grounded right now. Just wait until I’m not.”

Expectantly, he was the worst one at video games. It should surprised no one--or at least, it wouldn’t have susrprised anyone if they’d known him for longer than two weeks. He was pretty sure this was the seventh time he had played video games, and he was just as bad as the first six times he’d played. 

A few hours later, Mr. Uzumaki came back home and offered to go with Sasuke to check up on Urushi. It was a little weird, but Naruto was having a lot of fun, and he was just glad that he didn’t have to ask anyone to go with him. 

Ten minutes into the walk, Mr. Uzumaki spoke up, which Sasuke appreciated because the staring...he wouldn’t call it creepy, there was nothing creepy about Naruto’s dad, but still. “He seems really well behaved.”

Sasuke smiled, “he’s good, except if there are animals to chase. We usually run, but I’m a little tired. We ran this morning, so I think it’s okay.”

“Well, his tail’s wagging, so it must be.” 

Sasuke nodded, stealing a quick glance in Mr. Uzumaki’s direction. Kakashi never told him, but he must have checked up on the Uzumakis, or else he would have never allowed them near him. Still, there was something about Naruto’s dad that reminded him so much of Kakashi...a little...unassuming in a smart sort of way. “How was work, Mr. Uzumaki? I hope it wasn’t too tiring, or else I’m sorry that I’ve dragged you out here with me.”

“It’s not a problem, Sasuke.” Mr. Uzumaki was smiling gently at him, but there was something in his expression...maybe a little sadness? An undertone to the smile. Maybe someone died today. “Work was good. I had some free time, and I got a chance to catch up on other work.”

Urushi stopped to smell a bush. “It must be very taxing work.”

“What do you mean?”

Sasuke remembered the police after his mother’s death. Some of them wore suits and others wore their uniform. There was a bald man who was scribbiling furiously on a notepad while he talked to his father. Sasuke overheard them promise his father that they would find his son. They never did. He looked away from the bush, “I don’t know. Just...police have a lot of important work. Must be difficult, some of the things.” 

“Some days are better than others,” Mr. Uzumaki replied. “We all try our best to do our job the best we can.”

Sasuke nodded. Every day, they put out their very best, but some days, their very best brought the worse things. His mother’s death had been a closed casket. She was too unrecognizable for anything else. They burned her afterwards, but he never found out what they did to her ashes. “Mr. Uzumaki...did you always want to be a policeman?”

“I did.” Mr. Uzumaki began walking again, and Sasuke followed. “What do you want to be when you grow up, Sasuke?”

“I don’t know, whatever my father wants me to be.” Sasuke had given that a lot of thought, especially when he started high school. And... 

He knew that...if nothing had ever happened, his brother would have taken over the company. Now, his interactions with his father always boiled down to what he was supposed to be to make the company better--but...but it made no sense. Whenever his father meant for him to take over...was he supposed to just bury Sasuke Hatake and become Sasuke Uchiha? He didn’t think he could do that. Not mentioning other people’s reactions...the board, the stockholders--Sasuke Uchiha had no accomplishments except the ones when he’d been younger than seven, and those weren’t particularly noteworthy. 

Not that he had any worthy accomplishments now, either. But at least Sasuke Hatake was on his way to earn a high school diploma. 

“Maybe a teacher?”

“I hope not. I’d be a terrible one,” Sasuke said. “I don’t know. It seems so far away.”

“You have time.”

It always seemed like there was time. But there never was. 

They made it back to Kakashi’s house a few minutes later, and he quickly left Urushi with his dinner Kong, before following Mr. Uzumaki to his home. The party was over, everyone was gone, including Naruto, who apparently went to Sakura’s to work on an English assignment together. 

“Make yourself at home, I’ll just take a shower,” Mr. Uzumaki said as he headed upstairs.

Sasuke wasted no time cleaning up the remains of the get-together. Who knew teenage boys could be so messy? He found the vaccum and was just putting it away when the door opened.

Mrs. Kushina came in, laptop in hand, her long hair flowing down her back. She stared at Sasuke for a moment, before her whole face turned red. “Did Naruto put you up to this?”

Sasuke took a step back. “Ex--excuse me?”

A vein seemed to pop in her forehead. “Did Naruto put you up to vacumming instead of doing it himself?”

Sasuke looked down at the vaccum. “No. No, he went to do homework with Sakura, and we all left a mess, and I thought, it wouldn’t be fair if you or Mr. Uzumaki cleaned up.” Somehow those didn’t seem like the correct words. “It really didn’t seem fair for you to come home and see such a mess, and Mr. Uzumaki said I should make myself at home, and...” the red was still there. “And I have a bad habit of cleaning?” 

“I can’t believe--Na...” Mrs. Uzumaki took a deep breath. “Thank you, Sasuke. You shouldn’t have, but thank you.”

“I don’t mind.” Sasuke shook his head, bending down to coil up the cable and put the vaccum away. “You guys are letting me crash here. It’s really the least I can do.”

Apparently, it was too much to do because neither Mr. or Mrs. Uzumaki let him help with dinner preparations. Naruto never showed--apparently Sakura had a fight with her boyfriend and she needed support. Sasuke was thinking of ways to excuse himself from dinner, because he was not too keen on having dinner with parents he’d met only two weeks ago and whose son wasn’t even there. But Mr. Uzumaki even pulled the chair for him, and really, he couldn’t walk away from that. That’ll be rude. 

“You look like a deer caught in headlights, Sasuke.”

“We don’t bite.”

Sasuke felt heat rise to his cheeks. Please go away. Go away. Fuck, just go away. “I don’t think you bite, Mr. Uzumaki. I’m just...I’m not really good at making conversation.”

Mrs. Uzumaki smiled kindly at him. Sasuke imagined that it was the generic Mom smile, but he didn’t have a lot of evidence to back that up. “Well, why don’t you tell us about yourself and about your dad? Like, what do you usually do Sundays?”

“Uh, well,” Sasuke shrugged. “Well, usually dad and I spar, but since moving, we haven’t really done that. Last Sunday, we just took Urushi to the park, and then I read. I’m supposed to practice the violin, but I haven’t. We usually watch a movie, but we haven’t done that lately. Mostly, just scramble to get everything ready for the following week.”

“You play the violin? I love how it sounds.”

Sasuke nodded.

“How long have you played?”

“Um.” Sasuke couldn’t remember when he started. He couldn’t remember a lot of things. Trauma, apparently. Not that he ever really went to a therapist--Uchihas didn’t need those things--but...well, logistically...it made sense. He couldn’t have really gotten help if he needed it if he wasn’t saying the truth. He couldn’t believe he’d just been belittling Sasuke Uchiha for having no accomplishments--he was a great liar. It was one of his better qualities, he was sure. “Um. Oh. I can’t remember. Forever, I guess.”

“You must be pretty good, then.”

“Not that good,” Sasuke shook his head. His brother was better. He remembered that. Sasuke’s fingers were just not...natural. Not at violin, not at piano. “But better than when I started, I guess.” 

“Most probably,” Mr. Uzumaki said. 

They must have sensed his utter inability to keep a conversation going though, because they turned to comment on each other’s day. Mr. Uzumaki didn’t give many details, but he’d had a good day with good leads and good breaks on bad cases. Apparently, Mrs. Uzumaki had a considerably worse day, having found that she might not go to London to cover the elections because a co-worker had just received a bias promotion. 

To his utter gratefulness, it seemed like Naruto got his ability to talk from his mom. He didn’t have to say another word for the rest of dinner. And, when it was time to clean, his offer to help was accepted. 

At some point, Mrs. Uzumaki must have detected how tired he was, because she ushered him to Naruto’s bedroom, and helped him set up the makeshift bed, before letting him crash there. Sasuke didn’t even hear Naruto return home. 

Kakashi came back Sunday night. One look at him, and Sasuke knew that it was bad, even when his guardian managed to remain pleasant, polite, and charming to the Uzumakis, who assured him that Sasuke had been great and he was always welcome at their home. Sasuke thanked them for their hospitality, and caught his backpack when Naruto tossed it at him. They walked to the house in silence and after taking their shoes off, Sasuke followed Kakashi to the living room, sitting opposite him, his heart hammering against his chest. 

When he couldn’t stand Kakashi just watching him with a troubling look on his eyes, he stopped biting his lower lip and took a deep breath, “what happened?”

It took a long minute for Kakashi to reply, “your dad doesn’t appreciate the attitude you...are developing. It won’t be good for business.”

Sasuke almost rolled his eyes--last time he saw Fugaku Uchiha on the news, he wasn’t exactly the embodiment of good attitude. But he didn’t say any of that. “Maybe he should hear the Uzumakis out. They don’t seem to think that.” He was a little dissappointed, but not surprised, when Kakashi didn’t laugh. Didn’t even smile. He swallowed, “Kakashi, I’m sorry if--” 

“You need an attitude adjustment.”

Sasuke paused. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Kakashi’s eyes shifted to the chimney, before looking back at Sasuke a second later, “I can either adjust your attitude, or he can send you to someone else who can.”

“Don’t send me away,” Sasuke finally said. He wasn’t sure if Kakashi heard him because he just kept staring at him, but after another minute dragged on, he stood up and walked towards him, unbuckling his belt. It took just a second for Sasuke to realize that this was just as much of a punishment for Kakashi as it was for him, so he let him shift him to lay across the couch’s armrest, his fingertips brushing the cold floor, and did his best to bite back any sounds.


	4. Chapter 4

Sasuke didn’t mind Mondays. Except this Monday. He wished it was still the weekend, so he could stay in his room, or the living room--at least the house, instead of being shoved in a classroom with all his classmates. He knew it was riddiculous to think that everytime he shifted on his seat, everytime he bit back a wince, everyone was watching him, but the riddiculousness didn’t stop him from feeling like today, he was the center of the student body’s attention. 

He did his best to keep his face down, not even bothering to look up to take notes, relying on just writing everything the teachers said and hoping they said all they wrote. He couldn’t risk someone catching a glimpse of his puffy eyes. He’d tried not to cry, but it had hurt so fucking much. He’d tried putting ice over his eyes afterwards, among other places, but it hadn’t helped reduce the puffiness. During lunch, he rushed to the bathroom before anyone could talk to him and didn’t come out until classes started again. 

During chemistry, Kakashi put on a movie about the history of finding absolute zero. He told them there would be a small quiz at the end. 

“Hey,” Naruto leaned closer to him, whispering. The lights were dimmed, so Sasuke managed to relax a little. “Where were you at lunch? None of us could find you.”

Sasuke shrugged, ignoring the...discomfort. “Uh, dad needed to talk--” 

“Quiet!” Kakashi didn’t have to scream. In fact, he barely raised his voice above a whisper, but Sasuke recoiled and turned his attention back to the screen. Seconds later, he felt Naruto turend his attention back to it, too. 

Once they headed to the locker rooms, Sasuke bypassed Naruto, grabbed his soccer uniform and headed to the bathrooms to change. He checked his legs, but the shorts thankfully covered anything...questionable. His shirt did a good job too, but there was a stray mark almost at his elbow and he just couldn’t take a chance. He shoved his head through his sweater. 

Soccer practice sucked. 

They ran drill after drill in the blazing heat. The sweater made him sweat even more, but he refused to take it off, no matter how many of his teammates looked at him funny, or how many times Coach Sarutobi suggested it. He wasn’t going to get heatstroke, thank you very much. A stray ball hit him in the back, and it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, but it did, and it took all of his will to remain on the field and finish the 2-hour practice. 

He slipped out of the locker room while everyone else was changing or taking a shower, and almost ran to the parking lot. Kakashi was already waiting in the car. Sasuke didn’t know what to say to him, but apaprently, neither did he. 

“Sorry for speaking during class,” he offered once they were standing outside of the house. He felt like he should be apologizing for much more than that, but he couldn’t find the words. He hoped Kakashi understood.

“It’s fine. Naruto’s probably worried about you.” He paused with the key in the keyhole. “Where were you during lunch?”

Sasuke really shouldn’t be surprised that he could eavesdrop so well. “Uh...bathroom.” 

Kakashi sighed, and opened the door. He bend down to scratch Urushi’s butt. “You should text him or something, he might think you don’t like him anymore after spending the weekend at his house. Maybe he thinks you don’t like his parents,” he said. 

“I...” Sasuke trailed off, not even sure where his sentence was going. 

Kakashi bent down to scratch Urushi’s butt. The tail swung wildly. “You up to take him on a walk? Maybe ask Naruto if he wants to go along?” Sasuke shook his head, but Kakashi continued, “I snooped around a bit, his dad’s a...cop. A really good one. It’s probably not a good idea to give him any reason to be suspicious of us, Sasuke.”

“I understand.” He’ll just...he grabbed Urushi’s leash, and headed to Naruto’s house. He should probably text and ask, but he’d rather just get it over with. Besides, if he just showed up, there would be a less chance for Naruto to agree. Hopefully, he had a lot of homework or something. He told Urushi to sit and rang the doorbell, biting back a sigh and praying that the Uchiha steel mask could fall on his face and stay on until Naruto was away again. 

Mr. Uzumaki opened the door, and Sasuke did his best to smile. Sheepishly, or pleasantly, or something--anything other than annoyed or pained. He wasn’t picky. “I was just...wondering if Naruto wanted to walk Urushi with me...again?”

Mr. Uzumaki chuckled and leaned down to scratch behind Urushi’s ears. “Let me ask.” He left the door ajar, but Sasuke didn’t move. He heard Mr. Uzumaki asking Naruto, holding hope that he would say no, but then he heard footsteps coming down stairs, and Naruto was stepping outside. 

“I’ll be back in half an hour or so!” Naruto called over his shoulder, closing the door. 

Sasuke smiled at him and offered Urushi’s leash. Naruto hadn’t minded holding it over the weekend, and Sasuke could honestly do without being pulled if a squirrel or cat crossed their path. He wasn’t in the mood for that today, didn’t have the care or energy to run if that happened. “Sorry I just dropped, but thanks for coming. I’m pretty sure Urushi missed you.”

Naruto smiled. It didn’t looked as wide as it usually did, “well, everyone likes me, including dogs. Especially Urushi, he’s so cute and well-behaved.”

Sasuke sighed, “you only say that because you haven’t seen him around other bushy-tailed animals.”

“Nah, he’s a sweetheart all the time,” Naruto insisted, and Sasuke let it go. They were turning the corner when Naruto looked at him, and Sasuke could just  _ hear _ the incoming conversation. “So...I don’t mean to pry. I know I’m nosy sometimes, but anyway, are you...okay? I mean, is your nana okay? Or--I’m hoping you just got sick of me and didn’t want to see me today, which is fine, honest. It’s perfectly fine--” 

“It’s not that, I had a lot of fun, and your parents are really nice.” Uh, Kakashi had been spot on. Sasuke should really start giving him more credit. 

“Is your nana okay?”

His  _ nana _ ? Oh. Right. “She’s fine. She’s still young and healthy.”

“That’s good,” Naruto smiled, but it still looked dimmer than usual. Sasuke prepared himself to lie some more. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke cleared his throat. “Why you ask?”

Naruto glanced at him. “Well, it’s just that you were acting a little weird the whole day, and...” He looked like he was considering something, but shook his head at the end. “As one of the team’s captain, I just want to make sure that everything’s okay.”

“As team captain?” Sasuke asked, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“As your friend too, but...” he shook his head again. “Are you? You seemed really self-conscious today.” He glanced him over, “you really don’t have anything to be ashamed of, though. I mean, anyway,” he cleared his throat and looked down at the bush Urushi was sniffing. “I just want you to know that if there’s something going on, you can tell me.”

Naruto sounded so fucking earnest, that for the briefest second, Sasuke considered telling him everything that was on his mind. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Of course not. Naruto’s dad was a cop. As far as any cop went, Sasuke Uchiha was either missing or dead. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if someone, especially a cop, found out that Sasuke Uchiha was neither missing nor dead. “Uh,” he cleared his throat, and looked away. “Uh, my dad went to see my mom. They’re divorced--I mean, they weren’t ever married.” He rubbed his arm. He winced. “She’s a druggie, and...she’s still a druggie. Uh...dad came home pretty upset, and...” he shrugged. “It kinda sucks to see, uh, your dad upset, you know?”

Naruto hugged him. It hurt. A lot. And it made Sasuke feel like an ass. They stayed like that for awhile, more than Sasuke was particularly comfortable with, but he figured it was the least he could do for making Naruto feel bad over a lie. It was the same lie that had crossed his lips time and time again--Kakashi decided it was the easiest way to earn sympathy and ensure that no one really asked too many questions. It always worked. 

Naruto let go. “I’m here for you, okay? You can always stay home if your dad needs to do anything like that again.”

Sasuke nodded. They walked the rest of the way in silence. “Naruto? Please don’t tell anyone. I’d rather other people not know that my mom likes drugs better than...me.” 

Mrs. Uzumaki was in the front lawn, watering the plants. She waved at them, big and wide, with a bright smile. Sasuke couldn’t picture his real mom anymore, but he imagined that his mom would also spend time watering the roses a few times a week. He waved back, and accepted Urushi’s leash with the other hand. 

“I won’t tell,” Naruto said. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He patted his back, and walked up to his driveway. 

Sasuke turned and walked back home. “We’re back!” He called over, letting Urushi off the leash and closing the door. The dog ran upstairs; Sasuke heard when he jumped on his bed. He headed to the dining room. Kakashi was staring at an empty glass. Sasuke walked closer, but it didn’t smell like alcohol--he wasn’t known to drink anyway. When Kakashi glanced up at him, Sasuke hurried to offer him a smile, it was almost returned. 

“You were right,” Sasuke said, sitting down. “About Naruto. He thought I was sick of him and his parents.”

“Glad you cleared that up,” Kakashi replied. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. Just that I stayed awake late binge watching  _ Game of Thrones _ and was just tired.” Sasuke smiled. He didn’t know why he was lying, but it didn’t matter. Kakashi knew that if someone asked, Sasuke’s mom was a drug addict. “He was a little insulted that I didn’t invite him over.”

Kakashi nodded. “Glad you cleared that up.”

Sasuke frowned, but didn’t say anything else. After he finished clearing the table, he knocked on Kakashi’s door. He’d been living with him for about ten years, and he could count on his fingers the number of ‘heart-to-heart’ talks they had since then, but Kakashi looked out of it and--he opened the door at Kakashi’s signal. 

Kakashi looked like he was going to say something, but Sasuke pressed on. “About yesterday, you don’t have to feel bad. My...dad was right. And I’m glad you went to talk to him, and I’m glad you came back and took care of it. You don’t have to feel bad for dishing the punishment I was asking for.”

“Go do your homework, Sasuke.”

Sasuke went back to his room, hoping his words had some meaning. It wasn’t fair to Kakashi, and Sasuke had asked him. He’d rather have Kakashi beat him than a stranger that his father picked. With a sigh, he settled down to do his homework. 

The next morning, Sasuke managed to drag his ass out of bed and out the door for Urushi. Just for the cute dog, if he wasn’t so adorable, he would have never crawled out of bed. Kakashi didn’t utter a word until they were out the car and entering the school, he told him that to see him during lunch. 

For the whole morning, Sasuke mulled those words over, trying to decide what Kakashi wanted. Part of him didn’t want to show up, but he couldn’t do that to him--he was trying to work on his attitude, after all. Ha. And he was a little curious. He was also a little scared, but Uchihas didn’t get scared. When Naruto found him, a lazy arm around Sakura’s shoulder, at the beginning of lunch, he only felt a little bad turning down the invitation to head to the mall for lunch. 

Kakashi’s door was closed, and he knocked once, before peeking his head inside. He was at his desk, typing something on the computer. Sasuke stepped in, closing the door. “Kakashi? Did you want to talk about something?”

He hummed and motioned him closer, pointing at the chair across the desk lazily. “You’re not a bad kid, and you don’t have a rotten attitude,” he said once Sasuke was sitting down. “And I don’t want you to think that it took me a whole day to figure this out. You’ve always been a good kid, with a decent enough attitude, and the only reason I didn’t tell you before was because your dad might feel inclined to take you somewhere else if he didn’t think I was doing my job the way he wants me to do it.”

Sasuke nodded, ignoring the feeling in his chest, “the security feeds.”

Kakashi nodded, his shoulders more relaxed than since they moved here. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He shrugged, “better than yesterday, doesn’t really hurt anymore.”

“Good.” Kakashi gave him a smile and turned his attention back to the computer. 

Sasuke stayed there for another moment, before he headed to the door. His hand was turning the doorknob, but he paused, “Kakashi?” At the other’s hum, he continued, “I’m going to do my best so you don’t have to hit me again.” Another hum came, and satisfied, Sasuke opened the door. He almost crashed against the girl standing in front of the door. She had long hair--with that weird, undertone purple shade--and was clutching her books to her chest. She sat next to him in English. She was Neji’s younger cousin. Hinata. “Sorry, wasn’t looking.”

“It’s...okay,” Hinata replied. She had a soft voice, barely above a whisper, and it seemed like she avoided speaking up at all costs, outside or inside class, but Sasuke found that she was actually really thoughtful in her responses and during partner work. He’d read her timed-write on  _ King Lear _ last week, and was surprised at the depth and the vasts samples from the text, even when it was a close book writting assignment. “I--I was just hoping to...catch Mr. Hatake before class. Is--is he busy?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No. Go ahead. See you in English,” he sidestepped her easily, rushing over to his locker. Did she hear something? It looked like she was just walking over, and her face looked as calm and shy as it always did. He rubbed the back of his head with a small sigh. He shoved his books in his locker, before taking out his English and Chemistry notebooks. 

“Hatake!”

Sasuke turned. It was Neji. He felt something in his stomach sink, but he kept an easy smile on his face. He hoped. “Neji.”

Neji fixed his eyes on him. Sasuke turned to face him. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

Had Hinata heard? So fast? Sasuke hadn’t left Kakashi’s room that long ago, and Hinata was just going inside. She couldn’t have heard anything, the door was locked. “Sorry I almost tripped over Hinata?” He ventured, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. 

“What?”

“Nevermind,” Sasuke said. No, that wasn’t it. “I wasn’t seeing where I was going, and I almost crashed into Hinata just now,” he said, deciding to explain because Neji was his captain, and Sasuke didn’t really want to find out how much the guy would be inclined to abuse that position. In his experience, the majority of people in power tended to abuse that power one way or another, sooner or later.

Neji raised a delicate eyebrow. After a few seconds of staring at each other, he continued, “I meant, are you ill?”

“No.” Sasuke said. “I’m fine.”

“You were acting as if you were ill yesterday.”

“Just stayed up late watching a show,” Sasuke said. Something flicker over Neji’s eyes, and Sasuke had the sinking feeling that maybe Naruto had told him something--as a co-captain, or something. “Was I not performing well enough?”

“Your reflexes were slow. So were most of the warmups.”

Naruto probably hadn’t said anything, Sasuke decided, because if he had, surely no guy would be complaining about the speed of his reflexes. He shrugged, “I’ll do better tomorrow.”

The bell rang. “If you are ill, it’ll be advised not to--” 

“I’m not sick, Neji,” Sasuke snapped. “I just didn’t sleep a lot. I slept a lot last night, though, so you can relax and know that tomorrow, I’ll be great.”

For English class, they were starting  _ The Things They Carried _ , but Sasuke barely paid attention to Mrs. Yuhi, too busy stealing quick glances at Hinata. She wasn’t acting strange, she wasn’t acting any different than any other day. By the end of the class, he decided that she hadn’t eavesdrop on his conversation with Kakashi. He headed to Chemistry with a content smile on his face. 

“YO!” 

Sasuke almost landed on his face. Naruto jumped him from behind, half landing on his back, half pushing himself off of Sasuke’s shoulders for height. Sasuke bit his lip after a small groan slipped through. 

“Dude, what the hell?” Sasuke glared, not impressed with the sheepish smile Naruto offered him. Neji definietly didn’t know; Naruto couldn’t possibly look so guiltless if he had told anyone. 

“That’s what you get for ditching us at lunch.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, following him to their table. “I told you, uh...dad wanted to see me.”

“He sees you all the time,” Naruto pointed out, still with that smile, but kept quiet when Kakashi started talking. 

In the back of his mind, Sasuke hoped that today’s class would be easier, considering that Kakashi didn’t seem to have something weighing him down, but nope. They were starting a self-directed, partner project for the next two weeks that was  _ supposed _ to finish with them identifying the unique compounds located in the back of the room, but would probably only end with crying fits. At least they were allowed to pick their partners. At the end of the period, Naruto and he had finally finished reading the instructions. It was a big packet. 

“Do you think he keeps the answers in his bedroom?” Naruto asked once they were trekking across the field for cross country. 

“Why? Do you want to try to sneak in and steal them?”

Naruto grinned and patted him on his back. Sasuke did his best to not react. “Hey, you said it, not me. Well?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Sorry. He actually tries not to bring home work. I’m pretty sure he keeps everything locked on his desk’s side drawer.” He shrugged, before leaving Naruto to change in the bathroom. 

Cross Country was better than soccer, anyday. And even if the coach--- Guy, was a little more enthusiastic that was strictly necessary, it was a relaxing activity. Even if Naruto was unable to shut up for the whole five-mile run. Even if Sasuke didn’t do more than hum in reply. They were stretching on the grass when Naruto brought up the chemistry project again. 

“If we really tried, we could steal it.”

Sasuke glanced at him, “do your parents know how open you are to stealing from your teacher?”

Naruto chuckled. “Of course not.” After a pause, he added, “I’m not serious. Just so you know. We have two weeks to complete the project, and I know we’ll work really hard to complete it and it’s going to be the best one! We’ll get all the solutions right, not just our own!”

“Are you always so willing to put more work on yourself?” Sasuke asked dryly. 

Naruto chuckled, “no. Not at all. It’s just that it’ll be a little awkward if Mr. Hatake’s son doesn’t do well, you know? What would everyone think?” After a pause he added, “what would he think?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “I’m pretty sure he thinks no one is going to figure it out. I think it’ll be more suspicious if we’re the only ones who do.”

Naruto stayed quiet after that. Until he didn’t. “We should actually work on it right away. I don’t want us to fail. It’s 50% of our grade. Are you free now?” 

“Yeah--” 

“Great! You can come over and--oh, wait. I think today’s my mom’s reading club.” A sudden look of horror cemented itself on Naruto’s face. He joined his hands in front of him and pursed his lips into a riddiculous pout, “can we do it at your house? My mom’s friends still like to pinch my cheeks.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but chuckle at that mental image. “Only if you promise never to pout again.”

Naruto grinned and nodded. 

Sasuke expected Kakashi to be oppose to it, but he didn’t say anything except that he reserved the right to laugh if they were taking the project in increasingly bad directions. Sasuke rolled his eyes, but agreed, mostly because Kakashi hadn’t cracked a joke in weeks. 

After dinner, Sasuke opened the door, “Uh, dad wants us to work in the dining room so he can have a good laugh at our expense.”

To his surprise, Naruto laughed, “sure. Anything’s better than reading club. I had to sneak out the back to avoid them. And I’m just letting you know, I am not leaving until I know for sure that they are gone. Dad said he would text me.”

“I guess we’ll just get a lot of work done, then,” taking a seat at the table. It didn’t take long to get to work. It took even less for Kakashi to start chuckling from the living room, without even having the decency of looking up from his book. After apparently another wrong thing to say, and another chuckle, Sasuke slammed his hands on the table. “Can you just fu--fudging stop?” The anger had left as soon as he stammered over the cuss. Wow. It didn’t even take a whole day to break his promise to Kakashi. That had to be a new low. Kakashi was staring at him with a raised eyebrow, but he couldn’t read his expression. He hoped Naruto couldn’t either. He felt his face getting warmer, “please?”

Kakashi set his book down, before cracking a smile, “eh, can’t help it, sorry. You guys are loud.” He stood up, “but you’re right, I can’t keep laughing everytime you guys are wrong, that doesn’t seem very fair to the rest of your classmates. I’ll just take Urushi on a walk instead. Keep your phone on, Sasuke,” he said cheerily, before whistling. 

Sasuke heard Urushi running downstairs at top speed, and heard the door close. It was quieter than it really should be. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Dad?” Naruto knocked on his parents’ bedroom. His mom was still downstairs, drinking coffee and talking about everything except the book they were supposed to be discussing. He’d just come back from Sasuke’s house and had been trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach for a good ten minutes. “Can I talk to you for a second?” He asked, peeking inside. 

His dad glanced up from papers sprawled across the bed. He patted the empty space next to him as he filed the papers into a yellow folder. “Always, kiddo. What’s up?”

Naruto fluffed the pillows behind him to be more comfortable. He sat cross-legged. He shifted to rest his chin on his knees. He moved to look at the ceiling. “I...I mean.” He glanced at his dad for a moment. “I don’t want to make anything bad, okay?”

Unsurprisingly, his dad nodded. “I know.” 

Naruto loved that about his dad, he always knew the reaction that he needed. He sighed, “it’s just, Sasuke’s been acting strange lately.”

“I thought things were fine after you went with him on a walk?”

“They were. I mean, he said he didn’t hate me or you guys. Which is good, because I’m not sure what I would do if someone did tell me that they hated you guys. Anyway, it’s not that. You know how I told you he was acting strange yesterday?” At his dad’s nod, he continued. “He told me that he was talking to Mr. Hatake during lunch, but today, I was talking to Sakura and Karin and they told me that they were doing homework in his class all of lunch, and Sasuke was never there.” He’d been a little surprised when Sakura told him that--not just because of Sasuke, but because Karin and her were actually being completely professional about their break-up and it was a little freaky, to be honest. No one should be open to doing homework with their ex so fast after a break-up, no matter how much homework they had. Now that he’d started talking, it was easier to continue. “And today, we invited him to the mall for lunch, but he said no because his dad wanted to talk to him.”

His dad nodded, “okay. You think he’s avoiding you?”

“No.” Naruto shook his head, “I mean, he didn’t even look like he was looking for another partner for Mr. Hatake’s assignment. And he was fine in practice. It’s just that...well,” he licked his lips, “well, it’s just that he was talking to his dad at lunch today.”

“That’s good.”

“Well...I know because he almost ran into Hinata.”

“Neji’s cousin?”

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, apparently he wasn’t paying attention. The thing, though, is that Hinata overhead him call his dad ‘Kakashi’.”

“That’s his name.”

“Your name is Minato, but you don’t hear me calling you that,” Naruto replied quickly. “And,” he should stop. He couldn’t. “And, have you noticed that everytime he calls him ‘dad’, he sounds like he’s lying or something? And...And she overheard him saying that he wouldn’t make him hit him again.” 

Naruto watched his dad closely. A small frown was forming slowly, a stark contrast to his usual expression. “And Hinata’s sure?”

Naruto nodded. “I thought maybe she heard wrong, or maybe Sasuke was being dramatic or something--” 

“He didn’t strike me as a particularly dramatic kid,” his dad pointed out.

Naruto had to nod. “I know. But, I don’t want to accuse Mr. Hatake of hitting him, either. I mean, Mr. Hatake doesn’t seem like the kind of person either? And I know that a lot of people don’t see like the kind of people, I get that.” He’d heard enough of his dad’s cases to know that. “But anyway, if he was hit, I mean, that would kind of explain why he suddenly started changing in the bathroom for practice, or hasn’t taken a shower in the locker room, and okay, fine, say that he just doesn’t want to do that. It’s fine. It doesn’t mean that his dad hits him, I get that. But--when I went over, Sasuke was about to cuss, but he didn’t, and anyway, afterwards, he looked so...downtrodden? It’s that a word? He didn’t exactly look terrified, but he looked pretty angry at himself. Mortified? Upset?  _ Something _ .”

Naruto had been surprised when Sasuke snapped a little like that, especially at an adult. Sure, he’d known him for less than a month, but he had stayed over the weekend, and not once was he anything other than exceedingly polite and respectful, and--it’s not like Naruto was a particularly awful kid, but not even Neji, as polite as he was, was like Sasuke.

“And,” he continued. “I mean, when Hinata told me--” 

“Why did she tell you again?”

Naruto shrugged, “I found her in the hallway and she looked kind of upset, so I asked her what was going on. I mean, she kind of stuttered, but I don’t think  _ I _ misunderstood her. Maybe she told me cuz she thinks you could do something, I don’t know.”

“Okay, I--” 

“I’m not done,” Naruto said, “anyway, afterwards, I jumped on Sasuke to check if something was the matter--” 

“Naruto--” 

“And he looked like he was about to die. I mean, he tried to hide it, but he looked just like he looked yesterday when that ball hit him in the back.”

“Okay, so--” 

“I’m not done,” Naruto repeated. It wasn’t that he was obsessing over everything that Sasuke did, it was just that he enjoyed conspiracy theories. Not that this was a conspiracy theory, but it was the same principle. Notice something off and explain that with everything that was off. It just happened that there was a lot of off things. It had nothing to do with Sasuke, honestly. “They have security cameras.”

“We do too.” 

“Inside the house, dad. Normal people don’t have security cameras inside the house, except to watch a nanny, but Sasuke doesn’t need a nanny.” He shifted a little, “I think Mr. Hatake has them so he can watch over Sasuke all the time and punish him if he does something he doesn’t like.” 

“Naruto--” 

“I know how it sounds! But I’m serious. You know plenty of my friends, and I have a lot of friends, have you ever seen any teen, any of my friends, or any other teen in the world be as sickenly polite as Sasuke? I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know mom’s name because he just always calls her Mrs. Uzumaki! Wouldn’t knowing that his dad is always watching him make him hyperaware all the time and make him want to be polite and behave  _ all the time _ ? Do you remember how he kept looking at his dad when he was picked up? He was worried. And I’m pretty sure that you and mom were gushing about him, but he was still worried. He looked worried. And! And! When he stayed over for dinner that day, he got grounded for two weeks! What exactly did he do that warranted a two-week grounding?”

“I...don’t know, Naruto. That’s a lot of--” 

“Are you going to call CPS on him?” Before his dad could reply, he rushed out. “I don’t think you should.”

“Oh? You seem convinced that Mr. Hatake is abusing his son.”

“I might just be reading too much into it, I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time, and anyway, if you call CPS and I’m wrong--” 

“You know I’m mandated to report possible child abuse, Naruto. I thought that’s why you were telling me.”

Naruto nodded slowly. He had told him for that. But if he was wrong, then Mr. Hatake could lose his job and Sasuke...well, he didn’t think anyone would be too amused to deal with CPS. “Can’t you talk to him first?”

“Naruto--” 

“I mean, not to Mr. Hatake, to Sasuke.” 

“You think he’s going to tell me anything?”

“You interrogate bad guys! I mean, I would think maybe you could work some of that magic to get Sasuke to confirm or deny it, with no lack of proof...without him realizing what you are doing...” 

The silence dragged on. It was unusual in their house, but Naruto had said all he wanted, nad was just hoping that his dad would do something without doing anything wrong if he was wrong, and would feel comfortable enough to--

“Invite Sasuke to dinner tomorrow.”

Naruto nodded and gave his dad a quick hug, “thanks.” He headed to his bedroom with a small sigh escaping his lips.

He didn’t know what he would do if Sasuke declined the invitation--he didn’t expect his dad to remain passive, without doing anything for long. His dad would work endless hours for cases, because time was crucial, always. And Sasuke had been acting strange. If he was right, then there was no way that Sasuke would want to stop by for dinner, and that was without thinking about Mr. Hatake not letting Sasuke stay for dinner. Had the weekend being too long for Mr. Hatake to let go of Sasuke? Did he beat him up because he’d been upset because Sasuke was able to enjoy some freedom over the weekend? Or did he beat him up because he’d seen Sasuke’s mom and hated her so much that he had to take it out on Sasuke? That made sense--after all, how many single fathers existed because the mom was the drug addict? 

Mr. Hatake couldn’t be that old--in fact, if Sasuke was his son, then Mr. Hatake either had accessed to the fountain of youth, which could be possible since he was a chemist, or, more probable, was that Mr. Hatake had been a teenage father, and how many  _ teenage fathers _ took care of their sons? There had to be bitterness there. 

Maybe Mr. Hatake did actually care about Sasuke, but because his ex was a drug addict, he was scared that Sasuke would start to try drugs too. It made sense, and it brought Mr. Hatake under better light than simply beating Sasuke up because of control or hatred. 

Of course, all those theories rode on whether or not Mr. Hatake did beat Sasuke up, and while Hinata would have no reason to lie, especially not after the whole Neji spectacle in seventh grade, she could have still misunderstood something. Naruto threw the covers over himself. He needed to sleep. But everytime he closed his eyes, Sasuke’s face, bloody and beaten, would appear. He tossed his covers around. It was okay. He just needed to check--maybe he should have checked before telling his dad--whether or not it did happen.

Sasuke would probably not tell him; sure, they had a heart-to-heart that day, but it was something to admit that one’s mom was a drug addict, and an entirely other thing that one’s dad was beating them up. He could just ask. But if he asked, then Sasuke would have his defenses up by the time that his dad asked. 

Dammit. Naruto grabbed his phone, scrolling through his messages for a little bit. Something, anything to distract his thoughts. Sasuke was only a few houses away, a few minutes away--was he getting hurt right now, at the same moment that Naruto was just trying to sleep?

He had to find out. He hovered over Sasuke’s phone number, but eventually settled on dialing Kiba. He’d already asked his dad to talk with Sasuke and if he was going to find out, then Sasuke needed to be caught unaware. 

“What’s up?”

Kiba’s voice provided a small respite from his raging thoughts. Until he remembered why he was calling him. “Nothing, just seeing what you’re doing.”

“Playing video games. Hana went out, and I’m supposed to wait until she comes home, so just wasting time. How about you?”

If Naruto strained his ears, he could hear the guns firing from the video game. “I was thinking--” 

“That’s never a good sign.”

Naruto let that go, happy that it drew out a chuckle from him. He hadn’t laughed a lot lately. “Anyway, you know, I think we could maybe plan a prank--” 

“Naruto, literally everyone expects us to do that. Mom says I can’t get in trouble.”

Naruto bit his lower lip, surpressing more than a chuckle--to be fair, Kiba’s mom was...well, he couldn’t blame Kiba for his effort to remain out of trouble. Besides, he knew how important it was for Kiba to keep his mom stress free; being a single mom, was too stressful already. “I know most of the school would blame us, but you know, Sasuke is new, and he is the perfect target.”

“I’m pretty sure playing a prank on him is not going to make him want to take your pants off.”

Naruto felt rising heat on his neck, spreading all the way to his cheeks. He was going to murder Karin. “I’m--not, that’s not.” He cleared his throat, wishing he hadn’t put his flannel pajamas, because suddenly the room was scorching hot. “Anyway. Sasuke’s new, he’s the perfect target, and I have the perfect idea.”

It didn’t take much to egg Kiba on--he was always easy to excite about something to do, and it had been a long time since they’d planned something together. The last time was on Garaa, and they both ended in detention, but it had been hilarious. Kiba was just as excited about this, although Naruto suspected that it had to do more with the possibility of seeing him blush than actually stealing Sasuke’s clothes.

It was simple, really. They would wait until the whole team was out of the dressing room, and they would just...hide Sasuke’s clothes. Completely harmless. Completely easy to check if he had any bruises. 

Over the school day, Naruto went over the plan, feeling rather content with it until Kiba pulled him aside during warm-up.

“You know what would be even better?” Kiba began, turning his back to the rest of the team. Naruto didn’t even know Kiba could speak so softly--the wonders of hanging with Hinata, apparently. “If I push you into the bathroom with him.”

Naruto did a double take at that, the heat from yesterday apparently wanting to make an apperance again. “What?”

“I’m serious,” Kiba said, shifting slightly. “I’ll push you inside, you grab his clothes, toss them to me, and then you’re in a stall with him half-naked, or fully naked, depending how undressed he is already, I supposed...”

“Ab--” A second later, he nodded. And promptly ignored the grin that Kiba offered up. “Fine. You get a laugh out of all of this, and I get to blame all of this on you.”

Kiba nodded. “Fine by me, but when one of you gets impregnated, you have to name your first born after me.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, and made a point to make Kiba run more than everyone else. But he couldn’t deny the genius of the plan. Not for the pervy reasons that Kiba had offered, but...well, he could just blame Kiba, and could act indignated just as he made sure that Sasuke was fine. 

Timing was difficult, though. Or it should have been, if Naruto and Kiba hadn’t had years of practice being certified jerks. God. His mom was going to kill him. Kiba’s mom was going to kill him. 

But it was for a noble cause. 

Like the last two days, Sasuke was the first one to leave the field, managing to finish the cool down drills before anyone else. Kiba pretended to have an asthma attack. Naruto pretended to help him. And the rest of the team was left to pick up the equipment. The bathroom stall was locked, of course, but that was not deterrment for Kiba, who simply reached over, grinned, and pulled Sasuke’s shirts over the door, the soccer and the school uniform, both in his hand, and deciidly not within Sasuke’s reach. 

A second later, “hey--” 

“Open the door and I’ll give them back to you.”

“Fuck you, Inuzuka.” Sasuke sounded pissed. Or maybe it was because Naruto hadn’t really heard him cuss before. 

But Kiba just grinned. “Or you can just stay there the whole day.” Evidently, Sasuke tried to push the door open, but Kiba was already leaning against it. “Or crawl under the stalls shirtless, I supposed. I wouldn’t, it’s dirty and gross.”

They heard a click, and with a grin, Kiba shoved Naruto inside, before closing the door again. Sasuke took a step back, but the stall wasn’t particularly big. It was more of a half-step, and if Naruto just took another one, he would be inches away from Sasuke. 

Of course, Naruto had seen him shirtless before, when he was not hiding and changing in bathroom stalls, but now--now, he could see why he started changing in here. He turned around, trying to forget the image, but before he could leave the stall, Sasuke reached over him and locked the door, sidestepping him, and changing positions with him. Naruto heard a light chuckle coming from outside and fading footsteps. 

He didn’t know how long they remained standing there, facing each other, but at one point, he heard Lee rambling about something to Neji, and eventually heard everyone else leaving, too. 

“Kiba can be an asshole,” Naruto said. It was not the right thing to say, obviously, but for once in his life, he could not think about something to say. 

“No kidding,” Sasuke replied. 

A complete asshole, considering that the shirts weren’t actually returned. Naruto had no doubt in his mind that if he opened the door, they would be only a few feet away, maybe laying abandoned on one of the benches, but Sasuke didn’t look like he would be moving away from the door. All the same because Naruto had a lot of questions. Just as soon as his mind would start working and his thoughts could connect to his mouth. 

Eventually, he managed to open his mouth, just as he could manage to uncurl his fists. “What happened?” The words didn’t sound as angry as he felt, which he appreciated. He cleared his throat. 

“Kiba has no sense of privacy and common decently,” Sasuke ventured, maybe going for funny, but clearly falling flat because nothing about this was a joke. 

Naruto hadn’t actually wanted to be right about this. “No, he does not. Just like your dad doesn’t seem to have much decency, either.”

Sasuke shoved him back. He almost lost his balance. “Shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about--” 

“I have eyes.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sasuke repeated, more forcefully now. 

“It doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots, you know, Mr. Hatake doesn’t have--” 

“Stop,” Sasuke said. Or begged. “Dad didn’t do anything to me.”

“Oh, yeah? Who, then? Yourself?” Naruto wasn’t that good at math or physics, but there was no way that Sasuke would have managed to make those marks on himself, not at those angles, of course, he couldn’t exactly ask Sakura to be sure, but he was pretty sure. 

Sasuke looked down. Naruto was going to kill Mr. Hatake. No questions. No explanations needed. Sasuke was so  _ fucking _ nice, why would anyone want to hit him? It’s not like he deserved it. He had vaccumed their living room because he hadn’t wanted his parents to clean after teenagers--honestly, who would do that? More importantly, who would think that someone liked that deserved to be belted bad enough that the marks were still crystal clear against the skin. 

A minute passed, and Sasuke raised his head again. “I met someone online, and they were into it,” he shrugged. “And I was curious.”

A good lie. But not good enough. Naruto shifted his expression to a grin, happy to have that ability after years of practice, and even covered his mouth to stiffle a laugh. Fine. Sasuke didn’t trust him, Naruto could understand that. It would be scary. He’ll just have to let his dad handle it. But if Sasuke was willing to say such a riddiculous and rather emberassing lie, then he would not exactly come clean to his dad. “Wow.” He widened his grin. It hurt. “Didn’t think of you as one of the freaky ones.”

Sasuke’s face looked as bright as a tomato. “Shut up.” He crossed his arms, and Naruto did his best not to stare at a mark near his elbow. “And don’t tell anyone.”

Naruto shrugged, “I don’t know, seems like pretty spreadable information--” 

Sasuke shoved him again. “I’m serious. My, uh, my dad works here, and if people find out, it’s going to affect him too.”

“And he probably won’t let you step out of his sight ever again, right?”

Sasuke looked like he was doing his best to keep his face expressionless--Naruto didn’t think he realized he was biting down on his lip. “No, probably not.”

The urge to kill his chemistry teacher increased just so. “Tell you what, I’m supposed to clean our garden tonight, so if you come over and help, I won’t tell anyone. I’ll even throw in dinner.”

“Fine,” Sasuke gritted out. “But I need a shirt.”

He felt a little bad for blackmailing Sasuke like that, on top of the obviously shitty week that he was already having, but it was a good cause. He needed his dad to talk to him. His dad had better bedside manner than he did. Naruto took his shirt off, and threw it at him. “Wash it before you return it.”

“It’s dirty.”

“Unless you want to risk anyone seeing what a freak you are in bed, I don’t think you have a choice.”

Sasuke didn’t argue with that, just shoved his head through Naruto’s shirt. It fit him nicely. But Naruto’s emotions were all over the place already, and he didn’t have time to think about that. 

Kiba, apparently had, because no matter how much they searched, Sasuke’s shirts were gone. He drove him, after unsuccesfully trying to convince Sasuke to let him give him a ride. It was fine. Mr. Hatake couldn’t possibly hit him in a car. When he got home, he headed to his parents’ bedroom. 

The bed was filled with papers. Naruto was too tired to try and steal a glance. He cleared his throat, annoyed that something seemed to be stuck. “You need to talk to him, dad.”

“What happened?”

Naruto shook his head, wiping his face, before telling his dad everything. 


	6. Chapter 6

“Why are you wearing Naruto’s shirt?”

Considering how the last few days were going, Sasuke shouldn’t have been surprised that the question came after Kakashi glanced at him for the hundredth time. He thought maybe things would look up after talking with Kakashi yesterday, but Naruto just  _ had _ to be a nosy fuck. He couldn’t remember Suigetsu ever been this much of an inconvenience. “Mine got dirty.”

“What happened to your school uniform?”

Sasuke was going to kill Kiba. Even Naruto. He shrugged, “it...also got dirty.”

“Uh. Right. So naturally, Naruto lend you his shirt. How kind of him,” Kakashi leveled him with a look that normally would only make him roll his eyes, but this time, unsettled his stomach. He couldn’t describe the relief that washed over him when the light turned green and Kakashi turned his attention to the road again.

He didn’t believe in reincarnation, but maybe he should--at least it would give him a reason to why he could just not catch a fucking break, one day break, an hour, a second--his past life must have been a total asshole. “He was the reason it got dirty, so, yeah, he was kind enough to lend me his shirt and--” 

“Did he see anything?”

Sasuke was going to shake his head and lie his ass off, but a second later, thought better of it. “It’s fine, though--” 

“Is it?” Kakashi’s voice shouldn’t have sounded so light, but it did and it drove Sasuke a little insane. 

“Yes.” He took a deep breath, “I told him I met someone on an app and had sex and it got kind of kinky.” That apparently was uncomfortable to hear, because Kakashi’s shoulders tensed, along with his jaw, and his hands curled around the steering wheel just a bit tighter. “Evidently, he didn’t ask anymore questions after that, but he did invite me to dinner, and I sort of agreed.”

Kakashi looked like he was going to say something, but ended up only clenching his jaw tighter. It was only when they parked that he spoke again, but only to tell him to “have fun”. Sasuke couldn’t decide whether he was being passive agressive or not, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt because although, Naruto had blackmailed him into helping him with chores, he was actually hoping to have fun, and gauge Naruto enough to figure out if the only thing out of this whole mess would be light teasing. 

When he opened the door, Naruto did have a funny look on his face, but that was understandable all things considered. By the time that dinner was over, Sasuke was feeling rather good about everything--although he had caught some more funny looks, they were all from Naruto, not his dad, which was a victory in his book. Sasuke offered to help Naruto weed the garden after dinner, but Mr. Uzumaki asked him if he wanted to clear the table with him instead. He hurried to take the dishes to the kitchen, grabbing the kitchen towel and waiting for Mr. Uzumaki to hand him the first plate. 

“Thank you for having me over for dinner, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, for what felt like the millionth time. 

“You’re welcome, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki replied. Also for the millionth time--Sasuke really needed to work on his conversational skills, maybe take some improvisation classes, those would probably help some. Maybe they would have helped him in the changing rooms earlier to come up with a less emberassing lie. 

Mr. Uzumaki was beginning to look differently, but Sasuke couldn’t decide on the emotions behind his eyes. “I’ll ask, uh, dad when we can host you guys instead.”

“We still haven’t hosted him, you know.” 

Sasuke nodded, “yeah...I’m not sure he’ll ever come. He’s a little shy.” He wouldn’t exactly call Kakashi shy, but he’d seen him throughout the years always weaseling out of any social functions that were not completely necessary. He’d heard all kinds of excuses from him, ranging from Sasuke being sick and needing to take care of him, to Urushi running away and needing to find him, to Kakashi losing his lucky tie and needing to find it. “Sorry,” he said. 

“For what?”

Sasuke blinked. “Oh. Just, uh, just dad avoiding you guys. It’s not you guys, I mean, he’s not avoiding you guys. He’s just a little shy. He’s an introvert, and work zaps all his social energy already.”

Mr. Minato turned the faucet off. Weird, there were still plates and glasses in the sink. “Sasuke...” he sighed. “If someone is hurting you, you don’t have to keep quiet. There are people who can help you.”

Sasuke was sure his face was losing pigmentation with each beat of his heart. He was going to murder Naruto--Kakashi hadn’t given him the sex talk, and Fugaku Uchiha had sure as fuck not done that, so he had been counting his lucky stars for avoiding it entirely. And hearing it from Naruto’s  _ dad _ was not anything he ever wanted to happen. He managed to chuckle, “thanks, Mr. Uzumaki, I know. No one’s hurting me. I just moved here, I haven’t made any enemies yet.” 

Mr. Uzumaki didn’t laugh; instead, he just turned to face him with...worry. The sudden realization that this wasn’t about the locker room talk made Sasuke considered running out the door at that moment, but then it would definietly look like he was hiding something. And if Mr. Uzumaki told anyone, then--god, what would his father do then? 

“Sasuke, you know I work with the police, it’s my job to look out for people.”

“I know,” Sasuke took a deep breath. The conversation was going off the deep end, fast. Worringly fast. Naruto must have not believed him--who knew, his mistake was not giving enough credit to Naruto? The fucking asshole, and he still harangued him into coming to dinner for this ambush. “Nothing’s wrong. Like I said, I don’t think I’ve made enemies in this town yet, and--” 

“At home.”

Mr. Uzumaki sure as hell wasn’t beating around the bush. He fleetingly wondered if this was the way that policemen were supposed to breach those kinds of topics. It was probably not. But an accusation of a break in protocol would probably make things worse. He wasn’t too sure about anything anymore. He cleared his throat, “my dad doesn’t hit me, Mr. Uzumaki.” He rolled his eyes. He should pat himself, that sounded both believable and like the mere thought was ludicrous. With a little more confidence, he continued, “Would you like to check my back or something? I promise--” 

“That would help clear up some things, yes.”

Sasuke looked away. Naruto was still in the backyard--he was going to kill him. Before his father killed him. Fugaku might even kill Kakashi, more literally than not. The bruises were fading a little now, but if he looked--why hadn’t he been expecting Mr. Uzumaki to call him out of his bluff? It wouldn’t have been the first time. It must run in the family, the fucking nosiness. If he called CPS on Kakashi, there was no way that he would be keep his job. They’ll have to move again--if they didn’t try to take Sasuke away. And what would his father do then?

He couldn’t do that to Kakashi. He couldn’t do that to himself.

He glanced back at Mr. Uzumaki. “Do...you think we could talk somewhere more private?” Sasuke followed him to the bedroom, which was weird, but presumably more private than the living room. At least Naruto wouldn’t be able to accidentally eavesdrop. Or eavesdrop on purpose. That had to count for something. 

His father was going to murder him. 

“Sasuke?”

“Umm...” Sasuke sat down at the edge of the bed at Mr. Uzumaki’s offer. “It might take a long time.”

“There’s no hurry.”

Of course not. “You have to promise not to get Kakashi in trouble.” He would be in enough trouble already.

“If he’s hu--” 

“ _ No _ .” He shook his head, breathing through the lightheadness. Awfully inconvenient timing. “You don’t understand.”

“I’ll try to understand.”

“You have to promise.” Sasuke stared at Mr. Uzumaki until he nodded. What was he doing? He couldn’t just trust a man he’d met less than a month ago. But--Mr. Uzumaki did work for the police, and if he walked out right now, he might arrest Kakashi, and--and Sasuke had already caused him enough trouble, he didn’t need to add a criminal record to make his life more miserable. 

“Um.” Sasuke cleared his throat. If he hadn’t tried to bluff with his back, he might have been able to get away, but why wouldn’t he just show it to Mr. Uzumaki to clear everything up if he wasn’t hiding something? Fuck. Fuck. He was an idiot. Naruto was an idiot. Everyone was an idiot and he wanted to scream. He didn’t. Uchihas didn’t do that. “The truth is my...uh, my father told, uh, told Kakashi to hit me because I was an ass to some of his...employees.”

Spelled out like that, it seemed worse than it was, but his brain had, apparently, unhelpfully, stopped working.

“Excuse me?”

“Kakashi’s not my real dad,” he blurted out and looked down at his hands. He had to convince Mr. Uzumaki. His father was going to kill him. “My father hired him to act as my guardian until I come of age. He sometimes sends people to check on us, and the last time they came, I was an asshole, and...my father thought I needed an attitude adjustment. He was going to send me to someone else, if Kakashi didn’t do it, and I asked him to because I didn’t want to leave.”

“Sasuke, this is--” 

“I know how it sounds, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke sighed. It hurt his chest. He didn’t even have to glance at Naruto’s dad to see the disbelief in his eyes. “I don’t know how to prove it to you, but--” 

“If Kakashi isn’t your real dad, then--” 

Were policemen supposed to interrupt people they were interrogating? Crying over breaking protocol was useless now, though. Sasuke looked down at his lap. “Mr. Uchiha,” he swallowed. He hadn’t seen him in almost a decade, and he was still supposed to be his father, and Sasuke still felt wrong ratting him out. “Fugaku Uchiha. My real name is Sasuke Uchiha, but I haven’t gone by that for years, and...and I much prefer Sasuke Hatake, if I’m being honest.” He was not sure if Mr. Uzumaki could hear him anymore. 

“Fugaku Uchiha?”

Apparently, he could. “He sent me to live with my da--uh, with Kakashi after my mom and brother...died.” He shrugged. There was a large lump in his throat. “I guess he thought it was the best way to keep me safe.”

“And Kakashi is...” 

Sasuke rubbed at his throat. There was something there. “He was part of my dad’s security team.” He was pretty sure. It was the only explaination he had come up with in ten years. “He’d actually just started, but he was young and no one really knew him, I guess, so.” He shrugged again, sucking in a deep breath. “When I come of age, my dad’s supposed to pay him for all the trouble, but...he’s...I’m not yet.” He shook his head. “I don’t...anyway, please don’t--don’t say anything.”

“I--” 

“If my father finds out I told someone, he’s going to fire Kakashi, and tell everyone he kidnapped me and killed my mom and brother, and--and he didn’t, but no one’s going to care, and no one’s going to believe me. Mr. Uchiha is powerful and Kakashi’s not, and I’m not either, and...” he trailed off. His shoulders slouched, and he found himself suddenly tired. There was something pressing down on his chest, it made it a little difficult to breathe. It was fucking inconvenient, it’s what it was. “Kakashi didn’t want to hit me,” he pressed on, “but...I asked him to. I didn’t want someone else to do it. It wasn’t fair to him, and it’s not fair if he gets in trouble for something I made him do. He cares about me, he has never done it before, honestly.” Why couldn’t he breathe? “He does. You can ask him. Just talk to him before you talk to anyone else. I’m not lying, I swear.” Fuck. Fuck. He clutched his chest. There was something in his throat. “I--Mr. Uzumaki. I swear, everything I said it’s true, I don’t...don’t--don’t...” Don’t get Kakashi in trouble? He felt a hand on his shoulder. Hadn’t he done that already, just now? “’m fine,” he said. He didn’t think that he sound particularly fine, but that was okay. 

“Come lay down for a second,” he heard Mr. Uzumaki say in between the buzzing in his ears. 

Sasuke did, not moving away from Mr. Uzumaki’s gentle touch. Slowly, he began to breathe easier, just staring up at the ceiling. There was nothing interesting about the ceiling, but it was calming his heart rate. He didn’t know how long he was laying there for, but eventually the buzzing stop, and his lungs filled up a little easier. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, and handed it to Mr. Uzumaki. 

“Call Kakashi and tell him I ate sweet tomatos, when he asks with what, tell him with fishcakes and rice.” Sasuke glanced back at the ceiling, “he’ll come, and he can tell you himself.”

He heard Mr. Uzumaki doing just that. “Stay here, alright? I’m going to send Naruto to the store so we can be alone.”

Sasuke didn’t nod, but he heard fading footsteps down the stairs. He wasn’t entirely sure where Mr. Uzumaki thought that he was going to go to, but he didn’t say anything. His mind was oddly...empty. He couldn’t think anymore, with his eyes opened or closed. It didn’t seem to matter. He couldn’t think. He closed his eyes and didn’t open them until he felt a cool hand on his forehead. 

“Sasuke.”

It was Kakashi. He didn’t sound mad. He sounded...stressed and...tired. Sasuke rubbed his eyes and sat up, feeling his face a little warmer when the realization that he’d taken a nap on Naruto’s parents’ bed dawn on him. Mr. Uzumaki was standing beside Kakashi. He looked...a little bewildered, a little annoyed, but hopefully not angry. 

He looked down on his lap. He expected one of the adults to say something, but when his ears began to buzz again, he couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Did you call the police, Mr. Uzumaki?”

“No,” his voice was soft. 

Sasuke nodded. He held his breath. “Did you call my father, Kakashi?”

“Of course not.”

Sasuke glanced at him. Kakashi did look tired, but he didn’t look angry. He didn’t sound angry, either. He was pretty sure he had already established that. He needed to get himself together. “How long was I out?”

“An hour or two,” Kakashi said. He patted his shoulder. Sasuke was careful not to lean into the touch. 

Mr. Uzumaki smiled, “Naruto’s going to come back with groceries for the rest of the year.”

Sasuke smiled a little at that, good, he deserved to be inconvenienced at least a fraction of the inconvenience he caused Sasuke. The two adults shared a look, like they understood each other. He’d never seen Kakashi share an understanding look with another adult, and it was both sad and surprising. “So...what?”

It was Mr. Uzumaki who spoke, “well, Kakashi confirmed everything you said, and,” he walked over to the bedside table, opening the drawer, taking some papers out, before he pressed down on the wood, and took out a black box. Uh. “I already told Kakashi, but I want to be honest with you too--” 

That didn’t sound good. 

He opened the box, and passed a yellow folder to Sasuke. “When I met you, I started to poke around. And Kakashi couldn’t possibly know everything he does about the Uchiha incident unless he was there or was an agent assigned to the case, which I know he wasn’t, or else I would have assigned it to him. When Fugaku Uchiha filed for your missing report, we noted some...odd things, and they never really made sense until now. So, thank you for that.”

Sasuke was half-listening, but the majority of his attention was on the pages in front of him. His eyes hurried pass the picture of his mother and brother, but he could tell that they looked alive. That was nice. He couldn’t focus much on the words either--not that it mattered. Sasuke remembered perfectly well without having to read what happened. Dead. Dead. Dead. Everyone dead. “Oh.” He shoved the papers back in the folder and handed it to Mr. Uzumaki. “Does Naruto know all that?”

“He doesn’t. I’d appreciate it if it stayed that way.”

Sasuke almost hurt himself nodding, “I won’t say anything to him, Mr. Uzumaki.” Thank whatever gods were there. After a second, he blurted out, “you say Kakashi couldn’t know everything he does unless he was there, or he was an agent working the case, but couldn’t he have known everything if he helped planned it?”

“Are you seriously trying to frame  _ me _ now?” Kakashi asked, an incredulous look on his face. 

Sasuke shook his head quickly. It made the room spin. “No! I’m just asking to make sure that Mr. Uzumaki had thought about that and he had realized--” 

“I did, Sasuke.” There was some amusement in his tone now, along with something underneath that which Sasuke simply had no energy to began to understand. Mr. Uzumaki glanced at Kakashi. “Don’t worry, if I suspected, I would have called for backup and arrested him.”

Sasuke had a hard time believing that Naruto’s dad could hold down Kakashi. They were the same height, and actually have a pretty similar build, but--no. He wouldn’t have been able to hold him down. He nodded, before turning to Kakashi. “I’m--”

“Don’t.” Finite.

Sasuke pressed on, “are you...mad?” He wanted to ask if Kakashi was going to get in trouble, but he wasn’t ready to hear that answer yet. 

Kakashi shook his head. “I’m not just pretending to not be mad because Mr. Uzumaki is in the room either, to be clear.” He glanced at Naruto’s dad with the surest and most passive look that Sasuke had ever seen on him. “I wasn’t expecting you to do this, true, but I won’t say a word about this to your dad. I--” 

“DAD, I’M HOME!” 

Sasuke really shouldn’t be surprised how easily Naruto’s voice carried through the house, considering how loud he was during soccer drills, but it jolted him nevertheless. He hadn’t quite heard him this angry during practice, though. Yet. 

“And I’ll be honest, I really think that since I--” Naruto halted in front of the door. 

Sasuke stared. Really? Neither of the adults could have thought about closing the fucking door?

“What?” Naruto stared, his eyes shifting between all three of the people in the room. His eyes settled on Kakashi, and Sasuke had the sinking feeling that he was about to hammer him to the ground, until Mr. Uzumaki stepped in front of him. That seemed to distract him. “Dad?”

Mr. Uzumaki smiled, before turning to give Sasuke a wince. “Sasuke fainted, so I called Mr. Hatake. We’re just making sure that he’s okay.”

“Oh.” Naruto walked closer. Sasuke felt like he was under a microscope--and by that point, was utterly confused about whether Naruto knew anything or not. “Is he?” That worried look, inches from his face, should have put him on the side that Naruto  _ didn’t _ know anything, but Sasuke could see his knuckles coiled into tight fists, could see the way that his jaw was clenched just slightly, just like today in the bathroom. 

Mr. Uzumaki nodded. “He’s fine now. I might have overreacted a little bit.” He walked over, “come on, I’ll help you put away the groceries.” He turned, “Sasuke, please stay until you feel ready to leave. Kakashi, remember what I said.”

Sasuke nodded and watched dad and son head downstairs. He turned his attention to Kakashi, raising an eyebrow in question, but the man only gave him a blank stare. He bit back a sigh. “Naruto’s going to think I can’t practice tomorrow,” he whispered. Obviously, he knew that was the least of his concerns right now, but something about worrying about that gave him some comfort. 

“You can just tell him you have a history of fainting spells and every doctor I take you to is baffled at the medical condition.”

“I’m serious!” Sasuke managed to glare, mostly because he didn’t think that Kakashi was understanding the severity of the situation; Naruto looked murderous as his dad practically kicked him out of the bedroom, and Sasuke could just feel the incoming headache.

Kakashi ruffled his hair. Sasuke moved away without any real intention. “I know. Me too. Ready to go home?”

Sasuke nodded, but didn’t move. Life didn’t seem to want to give him a break, which was fine, honestly, but, just for a second, it would be nice to relax. “Kakashi?” When Kakashi hummed, he continued, “what’s going to happen now?”

The entire room seemed to stilled. After a moment, he answered, “What do you want to happen?”

He blinked at the question. “Nothing. I--I want to keep going to school, and take Urushi on walks, and annoy you sometimes.”

“You mean, most times,” Kakashi said with an easy tone that made something in Sasuke’s chest tighten. 

“Yeah. All the time.”

“Like I said, I’m not saying any of this to your father, and I don’t think you are either, although you are welcomed to. Honestly...we were kind of lucky that Mr. Uzumaki was...well, that he worked that case, and he is more understanding than most.” Kakashi helped him up. “I do remember telling you that I’m not leaving you by my choice, Sasuke. And short of your dad saying I kidnapped you, and me ending in jail, I’m not leaving. You’re stuck with me, kid.”

\----------------

The next morning, Sasuke woke up with a pounding headache. From a lack of sleep, stress, or mortification for what he had done the day before, it was hard to tell. But Urushi was adorable, and he had to do something right in his life, so with whatever energy there was, he put the leash on him and walked out the door. 

He was two blocks out when Naruto’s car stopped next to him, with the window down, and Urushi was already wagging his tail and trying to jump inside. 

“I need to talk with you,” Naruto said, opening the door and petting Urushi.

Those words seemed to worsen the headache, but Sasuke wasn’t expecting anything else. He would have run away, but at that point, Urushi would refuse to move because Naruto was just that awesome, apparently. He stepped closer and crossed his arms, “and this couldn’t wait until school?”

“I thought you’d be avoiding me at school.” Naruto glanced up, “but for the record, I’m not stalking you--” 

“Oh, is that not what it’s called?”

“I ran out to get some milk, and I saw you.”

Out of all the time he spent at the grocery store yesterday, he couldn’t remember the milk? Well, it seemed like Sasuke wasn’t the only bad liar--or good liar. He still wasn’t sure what Naruto knew. He didn’t really want to find out. He just wanted to forget about everything and get some sleep soon. “So you turned the car around and stalked me.”

“Schematics.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Sasuke said, looking at Urushi, who was looking more and more comfortable leaning against Naruto’s leg. “So...”

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Naruto had a problem with always sounding so earnest about everything that involved feelings, it was slowly driving him insane. “Fine.”

To his surprise, Naruto huffed, glaring up at him, “look, I don’t know what you told my dad to make him lie to  _ me _ , but I know what happened and it’s not right.”

Sasuke diverted his attention to another car that passed by. So there were lies involved, preferaly the whole Uchiha thing, but Naruto sounded pissed off, like he was about to do something very stupid. Sasuke had already taken up the neighborhood’s allowance on stupidity yesterday, and now that he thought about it, all of it had been Naruto’s fault. His and Kiba’s fault. He glared at him, “it’s really none of your business.”

Staring at him, he could spot the dark circles under his eyes. “I know, I told you I’m nosy, but honestly, it’s still not right. You should tell someone--” 

He shouldn’t have, but he took a step closer, “I did. I told your dad, thank you very much. If you don’t believe me, you should at least believe him. What did he tell you?”

Naruto glanced down, and stood up, closing the car door. Sasuke hadn’t noticed before, but his jaw set just like Kakashi’s when he was angry. “He told me that it was nothing to worry about, and to be perfectly honest with you, I couldn’t sleep afterwards because I’m pretty sure that someone switched him for an alien. My dad wouldn’t have said something like that.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, to keep himself from sighing in relief, “isn’t your dad a cop? Shouldn’t he know whether something is wrong?” 

Naruto took a step back, “I’m just worried about you.”

“Find someone else to worry about.”

“Sasuke--” 

“And stop following me,” he finished, bending down to move Urushi away from Naruto. He turned around and ran, again. Urushi kept turning around until they turned the corner, and conveniently, a squirrel was right there waiting for them, but to his utter surprise, Urushi ignored it and kept running, ocassionally glancing back in the direction of Naruto. 

The headache didn’t leave him, but the shower was relaxing. He might or might not have fallen asleep for a second there, but he managed to get ready for school, working on how he should ask--or demand, really--his uniform back from Inuzuka. That fucking asshole. He did his best to push those feelings to the back of his mind, he was supposed to be working on his attitude--he took a deep breath, unable to unclench his teeth. 

Petting Urushi did nothing to improve his mood, although he did manage to smile at Kakashi and tell him good morning--more lies, it had been an awful morning so far, and he couldn’t think of anything that would make it improve. 

“How are you doing?” Kakashi asked once they were pulling out of the driveway.

Sasuke glared at Naruto’s house. “I’m fine.”

Kakashi hummed, “if you want to talk about something--” 

“Naruto stalked me and was angry that Mr. Uzumaki lied to him, and he looked pissed off, and I’m kind of pissed off too,” he said. Suigetsu had never been this annoying. No one had ever been this annoying. “But I’m not sure what he could have lied about. And Naruto just...he looks like he’s going to do something stupid.”

“He’s just worried about you--” 

“Whatever.” Sasuke glared at the window. There was a young woman pushing a stroller, a small chihuahua walking next to her. “That doesn’t mean he won’t do something stupid.”

“I’m sure he won’t.”

Sasuke turned to look at him, but his face, much like always, was unreadable. “How do you know that?”

“Just have a feeling,” Kakashi said. “I realized that I sound like a hypocrite, all things considered, but you really should try to relax a little. You’ve been wound up since we moved here, and--” 

“Well, you haven’t exactly made it easy!” Sasuke glanced away as soon as he said that. He didn’t want to see whether Kakashi’s expresion changed, and if it did, he definietly did not want to see to what it switched. The silence dragged on for a moment, “I just meant--” 

“No, I know. And you’re right, you should be angry.” Kakashi chuckled softly, “I’d be more worried if you weren’t. I am sorry for what happened, Sasuke--” 

“Don’t,” Sasuke said. At least they were pulling up to the school. He couldn’t stop being an asshole, could he?

“I’m serious. I--” 

“It was at least eighty percent my fault, you can stop feeling bad about it. In fact,” Sasuke said, grabbing his backpack and placing it on his knees, “I think it’s best that we entirely forget about everything that has happened since we moved.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Kakashi shaking his head, “I could have handled it differently, and I know you want to forget about it, but I can’t have you think that it was appropiate.” He parked the car, and took the keys from the ignition, and turned to look at Sasuke, “Do you understand me?”

Sasuke nodded quickly, hoping to kill the subject. If they were being honest, Kakashi  _ could _ have hit a little less hard, but he bit back that comment. It wouldn’t help the whole forgetting about everything thing, which was an idea that he was completely supporting. “I do.” That was enough convinction in his voice, wasn’t it? Kakashi reached for his briefcase. “That still doesn’t deal with Naruto, though--” 

Kakashi hummed, “don’t worry about Naruto, I’ll talk to him.”

Sasuke chuckled, “I think he just wants to punch you in the face.”

“You think he’ll manage that?”

Sasuke shrugged and opened the door. He held his breath. “What about my dad?”

“I told you, he’s not going to hear it from me,” Kakashi said, staring at him. “Are you planning to tell him something?”

Sasuke just shook his head, before walking inside the school. Of course he wasn’t going to tell his father, he didn’t want to imagine how that would play out, and he never wanted to find out. His father’s level of paranoia was enough to take Sasuke back, probably lock him up in a big tower, and keep him there for the rest of eternity. He couldn’t deal with that. 

He blinked as his two shirts tumbled out of his locker once he opened it. He frowned, looking around, but neither Kiba nor Naruto were around; in fact, not many people were around. He sniffed the shirts, wildly unsettled that they smelt clean, and felt soft. The bell rang, and he shoved them to the back of his locker, grabbed his morning textbooks, and headed to calculus. By the time English ended, Sasuke realized that his attention was the most fickle thing in the world, and that maybe the Uchiha paranoia that he always accused his father of might just be hereditary because everytime any door opened, he couldn’t help but feel that it was his dad ready to take him away.

Kakashi asked Naruto to stay after class. Sasuke practically bolted as soon as the last bell rang--in a completely dignified way, obviously. Naruto didn’t mutter a single word in practice, but finished the five-mile run faster than anyone, including Lee. It was terrifying, considering that Naruto wasn’t  _ that _ fast, just had crazy endurance, but maybe he had been holding back, and maybe, Sasuke should stop thinking about Naruto and get some sleep. Just as soon as he made it home, finish his homework, ran with Urushi, ate dinner, and got ready for the next day. He could sleep in his bed, even though his eyes refused to close, and his mind would not stop providing a hundred little reasons to why he was such an idiot.

It was hard to argue with his brain at three in the morning. Or at six in the morning. When his alarm went off, he managed to get out of bed with only a minimal groan and head out with Urushi. There were no squirrels and no sight of Naruto during the whole run, so getting up at fucking six in the morning was not a complete lost of time and energy.

In the car, Kakashi kept glancing at him with a funny look in his face. “What?” He asked, after the fifth time.

Kakashi cleared his throat, “eh, Sasuke, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning again?”

Sasuke, by some miracle, had the energy to bite back on all the swear words that popped into his mind. “No. Did you?”

Kakashi chuckled, “possibly.” He parked, “so I have an AA meeting later today, so you’re staying with Naruto--” 

“What?” Sasuke thought he heard right, but he couldn’t have because Kakashi didn’t drink, and was definietly not an alcoholic, and he definietly did not want to see Naruto for at least the rest of his life.

“I told you I’d talk to him--” 

“So you decided to pretend you were drunk and that he should babysit me?”

Kakashi shrugged, “would you have preferred that he call CPS on us?”

Sasuke sunk into the car seat. “Of course not, but--” 

“So, you’re welcome.” Kakashi patted his shoulder. Sasuke, like the grown up he was didn’t hit him or scream at him. “Now, off to class.”

Sasuke couldn’t stop himself from slamming the door and hopefully making Kakashi partially deaf. His attitude didn’t improve as he walked to first period, and when he entered the classroom, for the first time in his life, felt the need to ditch. Naruto was sitting on the desk behind his, like he had been there since the beginning of the school year. 

He took his seat, and for a while, succeeded in ignoring Naruto’s tapping on his shoulder. After awhile, the tapping turned into poking, and by the time they were starting the homework problems, Sasuke was sure there was a hole drilled into his skin where the pen kept touching him. When the teacher walked back to his desk, Sasuke turned and yanked Naruto’s pen out of his hand. 

“Will you fucking stop?” At least that was only loud enough for Naruto to hear.

Naruto gave him a stupid, annoying smile. “I just wanted to ask what kind of pizza you like. Dad’s not cooking, he’s picking mom up, and I thought we could order pizza.”

Sasuke clenched the pen. He wouldn’t throw it at him. He would not. If he did, the teacher would send him to the principal’s office--what would his father do when he found that out? More importantly, what would Naruto do once he figured out what his father had Kakashi do? He set the pen down on Naruto’s desk. “I only like cheese,” he said through clenched teeth. 

Naruto stared at him. “Really? I kinda figured you as a pepperoni person.”

“I hate that,” Sasuke said. He took a deep breath, “anything else?” When Naruto only shook his head, he contnued, “well, then, if you don’t mind I’m going to start the problems.” 

Naruto must have gotten the hint, then, because for the rest of the class, Sasuke was able to concentrate, although every few minutes, he could feel Naruto’s eyes on him. When the bell rang, he packed everything and swung his backpack over his shoulder. And then it happened again. And again. Every class, Naruto was there. Not even across the room, just to his left, or to his right, or behind him. During history, Sasuke wanted to kick him under the desk, but he couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. 

“You really didn’t have to switch your entire schedule to fit mine,” Sasuke said, once the last bell rang, and they were heading to the field. If someone asked him what he’d learned today, he would only be able to give them a blank stare, but it was fine. It was fine. 

Naruto shrugged, “I realize that saying this is awful, but honestly? If I have to be with you to make sure that you’re okay, then I’m going to do that.” He lowered his voice, “when I talked to your dad, he seemed like he was sorry, but I know how manipulative some people are, and I’m not entirely convinced that he was sorry--” 

Sasuke shoved his fists in his pockets and took a small breath, “he is sorry.”

“That’s what people like you say.”

“Can you stop?” He might just quit soccer and cross country to avoid Naruto. 

Naruto shook his head, “I’m worried about you, and I want to make sure that you’re safe. And that you stay safe.”

Sasuke huffed. That’s what everyone in his life wanted for him--to keep him safe. He hoped his father and Naruto never met, or else he might really just end up stuck in a padded basement. 

He was exhausted. 


	7. Chapter 7

In his defense, Naruto hadn’t planned to become a stalker. But after his dad steadfastly refused to tell him what really happened, he realized the importance of taking matters into his own hands; part of him trusted his dad, of course, but the other part couldn’t help but think that just like everyone, his dad made mistakes, and if it was a mistake, then it could cost Sasuke his life. That was a gamble that he was unwilling to play. And when Mr. Hatake came to him with an explanation  _ and _ a solution? It was something--he would gladly become the world’s best stalker. His reputation could take it, and he honestly did not care about it. 

After practice, he left the locker room with Sasuke, following him back to Mr. Hatake’s classroom, even opening the door for him and expecting a glare, but receiving a small smile in return. Naruto stepped inside the room, willing the heat in his face to disperse  _ quickly _ . 

“How was practice?” Mr. Hatake was packing up. It surprised Naruto a little, how organized his briefcase seemed to be, he’d expected the papers to be crumbled at least partly. 

“Fine,” Sasuke said, taking over his dad’s rolling chair. Naruto had been staring at him the entire day, trying to figure out whether something hurt still, but he hadn’t noticed anything, and couldn’t decide if it was because he was healed or he was a great actor. “When are you coming home?”

“Meeting ends at ten, I’m actually going home to walk Urushi now--” 

“I can take him,” Sasuke said. He spun on the chair, and Naruto did his best to stare at anything else. He looked so carefree, and--he needed to talk to someone about this, without mentioning names obviously, but he had no experience with anything, and--was it normal? To act like nothing at all had happened less than a week ago? 

Mr. Hatake chuckled, “nah. You guys should just work on my project.” 

At that, Sasuke scowled and stood up, “see you later.”

“Keep your phone on,” Mr. Hatake’s voice turned serious then. “Have fun, Naruto. Thanks.”

Naruto didn’t move away when Mr. Hatake patted his shoulder. He wasn’t sure how sincere the thanks was, but he supposed that maybe he should start to give him the benefit of the doubt. They walked to the parking lot; Naruto bit back a sigh of relief when he remembered that his car was actually clean, for once in his life, because he didn’t think that Sasuke would appreciate that--although it was hard to tell, after all, over the course of the day, it seemed like he had done a complete 180 degree change of attitude about staying the rest of the day with him. 

“You’re a better driver than I thought you’d be,” Sasuke said, the first words he uttered since getting inside the car almost ten minutes ago. 

Naruto glanced at him. He could see the exhaustion etched under his eyes. He bit back a sigh. “My dad is literally a cop, Sasuke. Believe me, I don’t want to be stopped by anyone. My cousin was stopped by dad once, and apparently, that was not fun.” 

“Oh.” Sasuke kept quiet after that. 

Once they were parked, Naruto handed his home key to Sasuke and told him to go make himself at home while he decided whether or not it was cheaper to pick up the pizza himself or get delivery. He watched him dissappear inside the house, and then he dialed Karin’s number. 

“What’s up?”

Naruto sighed. It was for a good cause. “Do you think you could get me access to some cameras?”

“Depends.”

“I kind of need discretion.” A lot of it. He continued, before he lost steam. “And I don’t need access to them at all times, just when, uh...someone is crying?”

It sounded like Karin was driving. “I’m not that good. Shika might be, though?”

Naruto shook his head, and after a second spoke, “More discretion.”

“Shika’s pretty quiet about things. Too lazy to talk.”

He glanced out the window; Mr. Hatake had just parked in front of their house, getting out of the car, like he wasn’t--Naruto didn’t know what to think anymore. “How much do you think he’ll charge?”

“I don’t know about him, but as the middle woman, I’d charge you about three hundred--” 

“I’m your cousin!”

“You’re right. Five hundred,” she replied. “Do you know how hard it would be to lie to your parents if they ever asked?”

Naruto groaned. “I’ll think about it, although if I agree, I might need a payment plan or something, I don’t have that kind of money just laying around, you know--” 

“Well, get a job.”

Naruto chuckled under his breath. “As soon as you do. Anyway, I have to--” 

“By the way, advise free of charge, spying on Sasuke like that is definietly not going to get you laid--” 

Naruto was utterly grateful that he was alone in the car. “That is not--It’s not even him,” he said, ignoring Karin’s humming on the other side of the line. “I’ll talk to you later. Don’t tell Shika, I have to think about it for a little bit.” After Karin’s agreement, he hung up, grabbed his backpack, and headed home. Where was he going to get that kind of money? It’s not like his parents would just hand it to him.

He halted in front of the living room, finding Sasuke on the couch, his head leaning on the armrest, his eyes closed, his breathing even. He couldn’t have told anyone how long he stood there like a complete idiot, but he only came about when the front door opened, and his parents waltzed in. He turned on his heels, about to tell them to stop making so much noise, when from the corner of his eye, he saw movement--specifically, Sasuke jolting awake, freezing on the spot, as his eyes went from one side to another, probably trying to figure out where he was. 

“Hey, kiddo, how was school?”

Naruto smiled at his parents, trying his best to pretend that he hadn’t just spent probably the better part of half an hour staring at Sasuke while he slept as he watched his dad head upstairs. “It was great. Sasuke’s here, we’re gonna work on some homework. Thought you guys were having date night today.” He didn’t pause to consider the look his mom gave him, but he did send a silent prayer to anything that was listening to keep Sasuke oblivious to it. 

“Oh, we are,” his mom said in that mom-way. “We’re just changing and dropping off work. Hi, Sasuke.” Her mom waved at him, and it was quickly returned. “Did you order pizza?”

Naruto nodded. Shit. He completely forgot about it, but Sasuke was staring at him right now, and wouldn’t it be suspicious if he just ordered it now? It really would be. “Gonna change, it’ll probably be here soon.”

Probably. He sidestepped his mom and closed his bedroom door. He ordered quickly through the app and was about to leave again, when he realized that he said he would change--where was his head today? As he was sticking his arm into a sweater, he heard the front door close, and he went out of the bedroom in a hurry, still pulling his sweatpants on with one hand, and carrying a change of clothes for Sasuke on the other. 

His parents were gone, but Sasuke remained, still on the couch. He looked asleep again, but when he got closer, his eyes fluttered open. Naruto threw the clothes at his face, mostly for his own benefit. 

“Better than staying in the uniform until whatever time your dad picks you up, right?”

Sasuke shrugged, and stood up, his eyes fixed on Naruto. He pulled his shirt over his head.

“I--I have cream,” Naruto said, clearing his throat. He should look away, but he couldn’t bring himself to, for one too many reasons. He thought he could let Mr. Hatake heal his inner demons or whatever, but seeing the bruises contrasting against skin, it was just too much and the anger twisted his gut again--maybe if Sasuke wasn’t so pale, it wouldn’t look so bad. Maybe it looked worse than it was. “If you want.”

Sasuke finished changing his shirt, a lot more calmly than Naruto could have thought possible. “No, thanks.” He stared at him--maybe they were having a moment, which would be great, and Karin had been so wrong, and there were too many things spinning in his mind, that he couldn’t. Couldn’t think. “Are you going to turn around?”

Naruto did. “You could have gone to the bathroom, you know,” he said, once he was sure that his voice would work properly. 

“Too far,” Sasuke said, like that explained half-stripping in a living room. “You can turn back now.” 

And Naruto did. He shouldn’t have, of course, because Sasuke looked...his clothes hang just so, and--and he didn’t need to continue that thought. “Pizza should be here soon, but we should probably start homework?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “you really do your homework on Friday nights?”

Naruto shrugged and headed to the dining table, kicking his backpack along the way. “It takes me awhile to do all of it,” he said, glancing away. Especially now. Calculus. Wow. That was sure going to be an adventure--but it was for a good cause. 

Sasuke sidestepped him, grabbed his backpack from the ground, and gave him a funny look. He set their backpacks on the table, taking both of their notebooks and textbooks out and laying them on the table. He was helpful. Very helpful--not quite like Sakura, but a little more subtle, and by the time that the pizza got there--delivered by a tall man with an awesome beard, Naruto tipped him a lot--he actually understood what a differential was. 

He dusted his fingers off of crumbs, “you’re really good at this.”

Sasuke shrugged and Naruto thought that was the end of the conversation, but after a moment, he spoke, “dad says you really only know something if you can teach it to someone else.”

Naruto grabbed another slice, mostly to shut his mouth, but failing by the time he swallowed the first bite. “Does it bother you? What he did?” It sure didn’t seemed like it did, which--it had to be bad. That kind of resignation was not a good sign, he was sure. He didn’t know a lot, but he was sure of that. 

Sasuke glanced at him, like he was considering something. There was something there, but Naruto couldn’t place it, only identifying sadness before everything turned blank. He shook his head. “No. Don’t look at me like that, I told you I’d be a demon if I was let loose--” 

Naruto did his best to control his face. “It’s something to ground you, it’s an entirely different thing to beat you.” With a  _ belt _ , but he left that unsaid. “No one deserves that.”

Sasuke looked like he was going to say something riddiculous, like that he deserved it, but he must have seen something that stopped those words. Instead, he focused back on the math problems littering the page in front of him. 

When he was younger, Naruto would get in trouble because he couldn’t keep still, couldn’t stop talking--specially about things that he was not supposed to say to people. He’d worked hard to develop some self-control--but he couldn’t let go of this. Not this. That would be complacency, and he couldn’t live with himself like that. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” Sasuke said, setting the pen down and leaning back, like he was proving something to both of them by pressing his back against the chair. “Of course not.”

There should have been sarcasm in that sentence, but Naruto couldn’t detect it. “Can I ask you something?”

Sasuke sighed, “haven’t you asked enough?”

Naruto ignored that. He wouldn’t have to ask so much if Sasuke would just be honest with him. Or with anyone. Or--he wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted anymore, other than to adopt Sasuke or something. “Do the cameras bother you?”

He shook his head. “They’re there to keep me safe.” It sounded like a perfectly good brainwashed response.

Or to have more reasons to beat him up. Naruto kept that to himself, sighing, and turning back to his homework. To his surprise, Sasuke remained just as helpful when he got stuck, he didn’t even need to ask, as soon as he stared at a problem for too long, Sasuke would offer help like he was reading his mind. They finished around three hours later, without much progress in chemistry, but completing everything else, and headed to the living room to watch a movie. 

Normally, he loved horror movies--paranormal, or gory, or psychological thrillers, but he settled on a funny movie about a bodyguard, unable to bring himself to force Sasuke to watch something scary on top of everything else. The movie wouldn’t have mattered though, because ten minutes into it, and Sasuke was asleep and Naruto had better things to look at than a movie about some dumbass. 

It shouldn’t have surprised him, but Sasuke was a quiet sleeper. Even with the movie muted, he could barely hear him breathing; if his chest wasn’t rising and falling, he might have thought he was dead. Naruto waved his hand in front of his face, just to see if he was asleep, but he didn’t even stir. With a sigh, Naruto headed to his bedroom, in search of a blanket, at least Sasuke could be comfortable for awhile, as comfortable as he could possibly be. He rubbed his eyes, some tiredness creeping into him. He passed his window, halting mid-step when he spotted Mr. Hatake’s car parked in front of his house. He hurried back downstairs, doing his best to keep quiet, and opened the door. 

It looked like Mr. Hatake was about to ring the doorbell, but instead, he just stood there looking at him. “Hey--” 

“Sasuke’s sleeping,” Naruto cut him off. He closed the door behind him. “I know you said that you’re really sorry and it won’t happen again and whatever, but if I find out you touched him again, I’ll call the cops myself and--” 

“I guess I’ll just make sure that you don’t find out,” Mr. Hatake replied. 

Naruto clenched his fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms. “Excuse me?”

“You should have said, ‘if you touch him again’, not ‘if I find out’, that’s not very threatening, is it? I could just take him home tonight and beat him up and scare him enough not to open his mouth again, couldn’t I?”

Naruto charged him, but landed on his knees after Mr. Hatake side-stepped him. Biting back a wince, he stood up, turning around to glare at him. How dared he? He wanted to punch him in the face. He should do it. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I’m not joking. Touch him, I dare you.”

Mr. Hatake ran the doorbell, chuckling, “do you double dare me?”

“YOU--” 

“I’m kidding, relax,” he said, ringing the doorbell again, before turning to look at Naruto with a raised eyebrow, “don’t you have a key?”

The door was unlocked, but Naruto wasn’t telling him that. “No. I locked myself out--” 

“Shame.” Mr. Hatake looked completely disinterested. “I am kidding. But also, you should consider your words more carefully, if I  _ was _ going to beat him up, I really would only have to worry about you not seeing it, wouldn’t I? I guess if I had better aim--” 

“If you’re kidding, you shouldn’t be kidding about things like that,” Naruto hissed. His heart was too fast, and his nails would no doubt leave crescent marks on his skin. Normally, he could read people perfectly, but Mr. Hatake...he couldn’t. He sounded like he could be joking, but could also be thinking about stringing Sasuke up to whip him. He just couldn’t tell. “And I can’t take the chance if you aren’t kidding. Sasuke’s not going home with you.” 

Mr. Hatake just shrugged and rang the doorbell again. “Try to stop him.”

“I don’t care what he thinks, I’m not--” 

Naruto stopped talking when Sasuke opened the door, back in the school’s uniform. “Are we leaving now?”

“No!”

“Yes.”

Naruto glared at Mr. Hatake before turning his attention to Sasuke, “he just...” he couldn’t bring himself to say what Mr. Hatake had insinuated. “You can’t go with him.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, looking from his dad to him. “You should really stop bullying your students,” he said after a moment. “Whatever he said, he was joking.”

“How am I supposed to believe that when you lie too?” Naruto didn’t blame him for lying, per say, but he still did. Sasuke just didn’t know what was good for himself.

“If you don’t believe either of us,” Mr. Hatake said, as he took Sasuke’s backpack. “You could always check the cameras. They’re not that good, a kid with plenty of time in his hands could probably gain access.” He shrugged.

Naruto’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t possibly have known that it was exactly what he’d been planning to ask Karin. He couldn’t have. He glanced at Sasuke, his face white, his eyes wide; he was glaring at his dad with an intensity that Naruto hadn’t thought possible. 

When Sasuke spoke, his voice was lower, “Naruto isn’t going to do that because it’s an invasion of privacy and  _ I’ll _ take him to court if he tries that.” He yanked his backpack back and stalked down the driveway, in the direction of their house.

Mr. Hatake turned to him, “eh, teens. Can be so moody at times.”

Naruto slammed the door in his face. He leaned against the wall, before slipping to the floor. He closed his eyes, until he could his heartbeat slowed. Why had his dad believed either of them? At this rate, Naruto couldn’t tell which one of them was lying anymore. He hoped Mr. Hatake was lying, but--but he had beaten Sasuke up, there was history there. And he just didn’t know anything anymore. 

He took his phone out from his pocket, scrolling until he found Karin’s number. It was an invasion of privacy, but he--he needed to make sure that Sasuke was safe, and would remain safe. He was worried about him, and no one seemed to take anything seriously anymore. Yesterday, he thought his dad would, but...but he hadn’t. He didn’t. He couldn’t remember the last time his dad had dissapointed him, especially like that. He still didn’t have five hundred dollars, but he didn’t care. He’ll figure it out. 

“Naruto?”

Oh. She was talking already. He shook his head, pushing himself off the ground and heading to his bedroom. “Are you busy?”

“Not anymore. Want to come over?”

Naruto did a U-turn and headed back downstairs, grabbing his car keys. “Are you by yourself?”

“Yeah, Saku just left--” 

He locked the door. “Aren’t you guys broken up?”

“We figured it out,” Karin said, simply, like that was a good explanation. It wasn’t, but he was too tired to ask her to elaborate. “Are you sleeping over?”

He glanced down at himself, the pants that he was wearing were comfortable enough to sleep in, and he hadn’t seen Karin outside of school in awhile. Besides, he didn’t know how much time was needed. “Yeah, is that okay?”

“Of course it is. But I’m hungry, so stop for ice cream.”

Naruto couldn’t argue with that, nor did he want to. “I’ll be there soon,” he told her and hung up. He sent a quick text to his mom, explaining where he was, and started driving. He stopped for Karin’s favorite ice cream, chocolate mint chip, and chips for himself, before starting to drive again. 

Karin opened the door, and after taking the ice cream from him, stepped to the side and let him in. Naruto did a beeline for his cousin’s bedroom, not even waiting to hear if Karin was following. He swung the door open and flopped down on her bed. It was huge and comfortable enough to allow some of the stress to slip out of him. 

Karin closed the door, taking a seat next to him. She set the ice cream tub in her lap and set one spoon on Naruto’s chest. “I take it you’ve been having a couple of rough weeks.”

Naruto sighed, twirling the spoon in his fingers. He wouldn’t call them rough weeks, especially if he was comparing them to Sasuke’s weeks, but they also had not been a walk in the park. “If I tell you something, do you promise to keep quiet? And not tell anyone, not even Sakura? Or your mom?”

Karin leveled him with a look. “Of course. What’s up?”

With a sigh, Naruto told her everything he knew, doing his best to stay within the facts and keep the venting to a minimum. It was hard, but he figured he managed because not once had he called Mr. Hatake any deregatory words.

She kept quiet for a while. “Okay, that’s awful, but if Uncle Minato talked to him, and told you everything was fine and he took care of it, isn’t that...what’s important?”

“Well, I don’t know what Sasuke told him, or what Mr. Hatake told him. Aren’t adults who beat kids up really good at lying? Why do they have cameras?”

“I thought you just said Sasuke told you it was to keep him safe--” 

“That’s an obvious lie,” Naruto replied. 

Karin closed the tub of ice cream and threw it across the room, directly into the trash can--if Naruto wasn’t so upset, he would have cheered. “I think the question you should be asking is from what are they keeping him safe. Besides, if Mr. Hatake hits him as frequently as you think he does, then having cameras is a rather stupid thing, right?”

“He could just erase the footage.”

“Right,” Karin nodded. “Since that would look excellent in court. Excuse me, why is so much footage deleted? Uh....I don’t know,” she cleared her throat. “Don’t you trust your dad?”

Naruto sighed. “I do. But he can make mistakes, and I mean, how do you know the cameras are real? They could just be there for show to scare Sasuke--” 

“I guess just one way to find out.” She stood up and grabbed her laptop from her desk, sitting back down and shifting the pillows and blankets about. “Better get comfortable, it’ll probably take a while.”

It was an understatment. Coming to his cousin, Naruto knew that quicker results would be done with Shika--if he could get out of bed and stop napping--but no matter how much he tried to remain awake, he was out a few hours later. It wasn’t his fault, Karin could be rather boring when she was working on something. But there was no leeway by the morning. Or the next night. He tried to understand what she was doing, but she wasn’t a good explainer, didn’t have much patience, and he couldn’t do anything other than walk around her house and run her errands while she tried to gain access to those stupid cameras. 

At least one thing was clear, Mr. Hatake was a liar. It was not easy for a child with too much time in their hands. 

It was Sunday morning, when Karin closed the laptop for the first time. “Maybe you should head home.”

“Why?”

Karin threw her phone at him. “Because your parents have started texting me about where you are. You know I can’t lie to them. What are they going to do when they figure out I’m not exactly following the law? Uncle Minato will look at me with that disappointed face and I’m not sure I can handle it again, I’m too traumatized from the last time.”

Naruto was skimming through her texts as he considered her words. His parents were blowing up her phone since last night, he should have texted them a bit more, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so, still unsure about whether he was angry with his dad. “Will you text me when you manage something?”

“Obviously,” Karin rolled her eyes.

Naruto grabbed his keys and closed the door behind him. A whole weekend? Maybe his time would have been more productive if he had just stared out his window and developed x-ray vision. Without any traffic, the drive home took shorter than he would have liked. He dragged his feet across the driveway, closing the door behind him. His dad was in the kitchen, with an apron and a tray of cookies in front of him. 

“Hi, dad,” Naruto said, but mostly because he needed to get water and couldn’t entirely avoid him. 

His dad glanced at him, offering a cookie, “how are you?”

He was sure that was not the question that his dad wanted to ask, but he accepted the cookie. It looked like a sugar cookie with one single chocolate chip in the center. “Good.” He managed a smile, “spent the weekend at Karin’s. She says hi.”

“Why doesn’t she come visit us?”

So glad Karin was only a cousin and not his sister. Naruto shrugged, “she and Sakura just got back together,  _ again _ ,” he rolled his eyes, “so she’s kind of busy.”

His dad nodded. “That’s nice. So, Sasuke invited us to go camping next weekend, and I already told him yes--” 

“What?” His dad repeated the sentence, and Naruto tried to think of something else to say other than repeat his own question. “I have plans next weekend,” he said, finally. 

“You can cancel them, your mom is going to be out of town, and I thought it would be fun. Sasuke was excited--” 

“Oh, was he?” Naruto rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe that Mr. Hatake had--he wasn’t sure about what Mr. Hatake had done, or what he was planning, but he could smell the suspicion. 

“I thought since you are so concerned about Sasuke, to the point that you switched into all of his classes, you would appreciate an excuse that you didn’t have to work out yourself, to keep your eyes on him.”

“I WOULDN’T HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM IF YOU DID YOUR JOB!” Naruto glanced away. When had he ever yelled at his dad like that? After a moment, he turned to look at him again, feeling worse when he could only see concern. “I--I’m just worried about him.”

“I know,” his dad reached out to hold his shoulder. He squeezed gently. “We’ll both make sure that he’s safe, alright? We’ll work together to keep him safe, I promise.”

His dad’s words felt heavier than they should, so Naruto just nodded, unable to form words, let alone an argument about how his dad’s actions had run completely opposite to that goal, and excused himself to take a shower. 

He crawled into bed with his hair still wet, trying to distract himself with watching videos online, a comedy special, a horror movie, anything, but he could not. He waited until three in the morning to see if Karin would text him, but she never did, and he couldn’t keep his eyes opened anymore.

He couldn’t find her Monday morning. But Sakura was also absent, and it made him feel better that they had probably both decided to ditch and go downtown or something--they deserved it, they always worked hard in school, they should be allowed to skip without questions asked. Still, he sent her a text before first period asking where she was, a minute later, he received a selfie, inside a purse store. Good for them.

He watched as Sasuke hurried to his seat just as the bell was ringing. Judging by the small smile that he gave him, it looked like Sasuke didn’t resent him for turning into a minimal stalker. Or maybe his dad forced him to play nice. Naruto tried to push that thought aside, in favor of paying attention to the board and the lecture--he wouldn’t always have Sasuke to help him with the homework, and he couldn’t fail the classes. What would he write in his college essays? I only took that class to make sure one of my friends wasn’t abused by another teacher in the school, who happened to be his dad--absolutely riddiculous. 

When it was time to work on their homework, Naruto felt like he could finish at least half of it--until Sasuke turned around and smiled softly, and everything that the teacher said promptly went out the window. 

“Your dad said you could come camping with us, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to,” he said. “You just seem like someone who likes camping.”

Naruto nodded. “I do, it’s been a while since we’ve gone camping, so I’m excited.” Not exactly what he told his dad last night, but if Mr. Hatake forced Sasuke into inviting him, then there was no need to make him feel crappy on top of everything else. “Thanks!”

Sasuke kept that almost invisible smile as he pointed to the textbook. “You copied the problem wrong, the limit is going to negative infinity, it’ll make a difference.”

“Right, thanks.” Way to perpetuate the dumb blond stereotype. Sasuke nodded once, before turning back to his own work, and Naruto did his best to keep his eyes on his paper. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to complete two of the twenty problems. 

Seventh period came in a flash, with Mr. Hatake standing in front of the door, handing their tests back to each student, alphabetically. 

“Eh, Sasuke,” Mr. Hatake said, clicking his tongue as he handed the test to his son. “Maybe we should get you a tutor.”

Sasuke’s face turned bright red. “Maybe you should work on improving your teaching,” he mumbled.

The comment was obviously not lost on the surrounding students, judging by the collective, stiffled giggles and gasps, or on Mr. Hatake, judging by his sudden hard eyes and the clicking of his tongue, “see me after class.”

To Naruto’s surprise, Sasuke just rolled his eyes and headed to his seat. He heard him mutter a ‘whatever’, but he must have heard wrong, because there was no way that Sasuke should have dared to say that. Naruto fixed Mr. Hatake with the most neutral expression, while he tried to decide whether Sasuke’s trangression was bad enough to warrant a beating. 

“I need a word with you too after class, Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, and handed over his test.

Naruto glanced at it--he didn’t think an eighty-six percent was anything that needed to be discussed after class, but he didn’t have the will to argue. He nodded and took his seat next to Sasuke, leaning close to him. “Why did you say that your dad?”

Sasuke shrugged, “cuz he’s an asshole?”

Naruto almost reached over to cover Sasuke’s mouth, he glanced at Mr. Hatake, still in front of the door, still handing tests to the last few students. “Don’t call him that,” he whispered. 

“Why not? I thought you hated him?” Sasuke asked, confused, although there was a small smile playing on his lips. 

“I do,” Naruto hissed back. Sasuke’s smile turned into a frown almost immediately. “That doesn’t mean you should be calling him names, or saying he’s a bad teacher in front of other students.” 

“Well, maybe he shouldn’t have emberassed me in front of them!” 

Naruto had never heard Sasuke’s so petulant, thankfully, still managing to keep his voice lowered. “That still--” 

“Are you really taking his side?”

Naruto wanted to grab him by the shoulders and scream at him that no, he was not taking his side, he just didn’t want Sasuke to get hurt again for being disrespectful. Instead, he shook his head with a small sigh, “what did you even get?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and handed him the test. There was a big, red ninety-eight sprawled on the top of the page with a sad face next to it. Naruto spend the rest of class staring at Mr. Hatake, trying to figure out why the man couldn’t be happy with a near perfect score, and what he was going to do to Sasuke when they went home. Was he going to ground him for two days for the two missed points? Or was he going to belt him twice? Take away dinner two nights in a row? Make him sleep in the backyard twice? 

If someone held a gun to his face at the end of class and asked him to name one thing taught, he would have died. He watched everyone pack their bags, giving them smirks as they passed by his and Sasuke’s desk. When the room was empty except for them three, Mr. Hatake cleared his throat. 

“Sasuke,” Mr. Hatake motioned with his finger. “Up here.”

Maybe Sasuke’s brain started working again, because he didn’t roll his eyes, just stood up and walked over to stand in front of his dad’s desk. Naruto held his breath, silently praying that the interaction would end quickly and nothing would happen, and it would be okay. Mr. Hatake’s eyes traveled from Sasuke to him, and Naruto did his best to keep his face impassive. And to breathe. 

“You really gotta tone down the sassiness, I’m the only one allowed to be sassy in this class.”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder, before sighing. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you really? Because you don’t sound very sorry.”

Sasuke looked like he crossed his arms, “I really am. I promise I won’t make any sassy comments ever again. Starting tomorrow.”

Mr. Hatake stood up, walking to the other side of his desk, his eyes fixed on Naruto, who had the strongest feeling in the pit in the stomach that he was about to see Sasuke get slapped. “We’ll talk about it at home. Wait in the hall for Mr. Uzumaki.” 

Naruto felt his stomach drop to the ground. He watched Sasuke leave the classroom; when the door was closed, he walked over to stand in front of Mr. Hatake. “You can’t beat him.” 

“You have a wonderful talent to imagine a lot of things, Mr. Uzumaki.” His voice couldn’t sound more disinterested if he tried. “But what I do in my house with my son is none of your business--” 

“Like hell, it’s illegal to beat someone up.” 

Mr. Hatake clicked his tongue. “Eh,” he shrugged, “not as illegal as hacking into security cameras, don’t you think? I do have to hand it to Karin for trying to avoid traces, but she still needs a bit more discretion.” He shrugged, “don’t look at me like that, this isn’t a if you tell on me, I tell on you guys scenario. It’s more of a I-hope-you-are-camping with us, or else I’ll tell scenario.”

“What?” 

Mr. Hatake shrugged, “Sasuke was excited for you guys to come. I don’t want him to be disappointed. You come with us, play nice, and I won’t tell Sasuke you’re attempting to spy on him.”

“You still can’t beat him.”

Mr. Hatake shrugged again, and took a seat at his desk. After a moment, he waved at the door, “you can leave now. Co-captains shouldn’t be late for practice.”

Naruto gritted his teeth and left the room, slamming the door behind him. The hallway was surprisingly empty, considering that the bell hadn’t rung that long ago. He glanced at Sasuke, “I’m just letting you know, tomorrow, I’m just going to lift your shift up as soon as I see you, so it should be to your convenience to run into a bathroom.”

Sasuke’s eyes widen, his cheeks coloring somewhat, “ex--excuse me?”

Naruto nodded in the direction of the chemistry classroom. “Just in case.” 

Sasuke sighed, rolling his eyes. “He’s not going to hit me.”

Naruto shrugged, “giving you fair warning.”


	8. Chapter 8

Sasuke was going to slam the door, but there were cameras and his attitude was supposed to be improving, so instead, he gently closed the door and headed upstairs. Once he was in his bedroom, he called Urushi, and closed the door as soon as the dog jumped on his bed. He wanted to lock it, but didn’t want to get up once Kakashi asked him to open it. He couldn’t believe him, or Naruto--couldn’t believe either of them. He looked up at the camera, a tiny, black one in the left corner, if he moved anywhere in the bedroom, it would be able to pick him up. 

It didn’t matter. He was used to it. Kakashi, his father, whoever his father trusted enough to keep an eye on him--they all watched him whenever they felt like it, but he couldn’t accept Naruto doing that too. He’d only met him at the beginning of the school year, about a month ago; he wasn’t ready to sign away the small privacy he still had. 

He crawled on his bed, petting Urushi while he tried to clear his head. He just didn’t understand--whatever Kakashi told Naruto, it clearly made him more worked up. Incredibly inconsiderate, considering how much effort Sasuke was putting in trying to keep Naruto in a good mood, so he would just lay off of everything for awhile, preferably for the rest of the year, or high school. He rolled onto his stomach, a light chuckle escaping as soon as Urushi copied him, his legs spread out underneath him; he was a long dog, and if he was an asshole, would have no problem taking over the bed. 

He heard the front door opening, Kakashi coming in, closing the door. He expected him to head upstairs, but he didn’t hear any incoming footsteps. Hallelujah for small miracles. When he was younger, he used to pray, a lot, and then he stopped, but recent events suggested that maybe he should start praying again. To what? He wasn’t sure. Anything that would listen. But maybe he should just start with talking with Kakashi, and letting him know that antagonizing Naruto on purpose was not going to end well for anyone. He was just utterly baffled that the man thought that egging Naruto on was “taking care of it”. 

He fell asleep with that thought. 

The next morning, Urushi woke him up, like always, and Kakashi went out with him. The off-beaten hikes were longer than his usual run, but it was mechanical and by the end, his brain didn’t have much energy to think too much about anything. 

“You slept well?” Kakashi asked, once his shoes were off and the door locked. 

Sasuke nodded. Small miracles. Right. “You?”

“Mmm, yeah.” That could have been a lie, but who knew? Kakashi headed to the kitchen, while Sasuke scooped out Urushi’s food. “What are you going to do the rest of the day?”

That felt like a trick question. Was he supposed to be doing something? Sure, he hadn’t exactly played the piano lately, but in his defense--not that anyone cared about that, obviously--he’d been a little preoccupied with a couple of things. “Uh, I finished all my homework yesterday?”

“Even my project?” Kakashi asked, with a stupid grin in his face. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Not that one. Not yet. Why?”

“Just curious,” he shrugged. “I was thinking maybe we could go camping next weekend. Urushi would like it.”

And they could get out of the house for a little bit. “Sounds fun. I can make reservations.” He didn’t know any places to go camping--except, well, there was one of the National Parks, and if he remembered it correctly, it had great sights. But. It had been a long time, over a decade. Maybe the campgrounds were gone. Urushi would have fun.

“Yeah, but first bring down the mats--” 

“ _ Now _ ?” Sasuke cleared his throat. He sounded like a girl, and that was something that by the look in Kakashi’s face, he wouldn’t be allowed to forget about in a long time. In his defense, if anyone cared, he wasn’t exactly in the best position to land on his back over and over and over again.

“Yup. We haven’t practiced in weeks, and you know it’s muscle memory.” Kakashi patted him in the direction of the stairs. “Hurry up.”

Couldn’t he eat first? With a grumble, he fetched the mats. At least Kakashi helped him set them up in the backyard. And to his complete surprise, there was no sparring--just Kata practice over and over, with Kakashi ocasionally criticizing his form and sometimes, offering some practical advice. He lost track of time, but each passing minute, his stomach growled louder, and the sun inched closer and closer to its noon position. 

Sasuke would have preferred if he had just landed on his back a hundred thousand times. 

“Your left foot is still off,” Kakashi said. 

Sasuke ignored that. “I’m hungry.”

Kakashi hummed, “I’ll clean up. Don’t eat too much, you might throw up.”

Sasuke sort of nodded, mostly to pretend that he listened to him, and headed back inside. The house was a cool temperature that allowed him to draw in breath better than the dry heat outside. He hoped whoever invented air conditioner had gotten rich or something--recognized as a genius, at the very least. He searched the fridge, deciding that someone-- _ Kakashi _ \--needed to go grocery shopping because there was hardly anything left. He found a mozzarella stick and handful of grapes, and took the liberty to glare at Kakashi as he walked past with the mats balanced on his head. 

“Are you going grocery shopping soon?” 

“Going tonight.”

Sasuke frowned, dividing his glaring between the stairs and the fridge. “What are we supposed to eat until tonight?” He called over.

“It’s almost two, I think you can survive a few more hours,” Kakashi said, as he came back downstairs. “Why don’t you make the grocery list, and you can come with me?”

Sasuke wouldn’t admit that he pouted, but...well, he might have. For a short second, before he could get his expression under control. Because from two to dinner time, there was a large gap and he was hungry. “Or, I can write it and you can go by yourself,” he said. 

Kakashi shrugged, “sure.”

Sasuke tried not to question the sudden agreement as he shoved the last grape in his mouth and hurried to write down the list, sneaking a note for Kakashi, too.

He made sure Kakashi would find the note easily, just asking if they could invite Naruto and his parents with them. He would have asked in person, but the cameras would have picked that up, and--and he wasn’t sure that his father being aware of the Uzumakis was an entirely great idea. But Kakashi really did need to expand his social circle, and Sasuke desperatly needed Naruto to get to know Kakashi so he could stop thinking that he was an abusive asshole and could stop bugging him about it. He did enjoy Naruto’s company, but not when he was being obsessive about whether or not Kakashi was abusing him, and if he had to force them to become best friends by overextended exposure to each other, then he was going to make it happen.

He was trying to clear his head by practicing the piano in the living room when Kakashi came in, Urushi dashing out the door to help carry the bags in his mouth. 

“Why is our dog more helpful than you, Sasuke?” Kakashi asked, leaning against the piano as Urushi ran outside to grab another bag.

Sasuke glanced up, pausing mid song. “He likes you better?” He ventured, slipping the note closer to Kakashi. He watched him read it, and put it in his pocket, nodding. Awesome. Now to convince him to stop annoying Naruto. 

“Rude,” he smiled, walking over to the kitchen. Sasuke was getting up when Kakashi stuck his head out, “you better be standing up to pick out a wedgie. I wasn’t even gone an hour, sit your butt back down.”

There was no heat to his words, but Sasuke couldn’t help but do so. As he practiced, Kakashi remained in the kitchen--Sasuke heard some activity that might have involved the china, and it was just more incentive to keep playing. 

About two hours later, Sasuke was just about ready to slam his fingers against the keys, but just his luck, Kakashi came over to sit next to him. He stopped playing, in favor of turning his full attention to him, more out of convenience than respect, but no one needed to know that. 

“Anything in particular you want for dinner?”

Sasuke shook his head, “I think any food would do.”

“You sound like I’ve been starving you.”

“One cheese stick, Kakashi. And ten grapes, I counted.”

“Meh, you’re so demanding,” Kakashi sighed, completely exaggerated. “Take Urushi on a walk and I’ll cook dinner.”

Sasuke was going to complain that he was tired and hungry, but the look that Kakashi sent him made him think otherwise, right, it would be great time to invite Naruto and his parents. He closed the piano, grabbing Urushi’s leash, and trying to clip it on while the dog ran in circles around him. He wished he could have as much energy as him, honestly, that would just be absolutely fantastic. Taking his keys from the counter, he closed the door after him. 

He stopped in front of Naruto’s house. He might be turning into a stalker too, but--he actually couldn’t spot Naruto’s car. He rang the bell once, staring down at the ground, the rudeness of the situation not lost on him--he knew important people showed up anywhere and everywhere unnanounced, but he wasn’t anyone important and--

“Oh, hi, Sasuke.” It was Mr. Uzumaki. Sasuke looked up, offering up a smile and an apology for showing up out of the blue. “Don’t worry about it. Naruto’s not here, though.”

Sasuke nodded, noting the worried frown on his face. “Is he okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” Mr. Uzumaki smiled, half looking at Sasuke, half petting the dog with the wagging tail. “He’s just with his cousin. Karin, I think she might be in one or two of your classes too.”

A girl with bright red hair and glasses popped into his mind. Uh. They did have the same last name. He was an idiot. He nodded quickly, “I was just wondering--” 

“Are you walking Urushi?” When Sasuke nodded, he continued, “do you mind some company?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Of course not, Mr. Uzumaki.” When he left to grab his shoes and a jacket, Sasuke couldn’t help but feel some anticipation pressing down on his chest--the last time he was alone with him, he had confessed all of his dirty secrets. He racked his brain to try to find out what else was in danger of being devulged, but drew a blank. 

“What were you saying?” Mr. Uzumaki asked once they were turning the corner and Sasuke had finished praying for a lack of squirrels. 

“Oh.” He cleared his throat, “just...Kakashi and I want to go camping next weekend, and I was just wondering if you guys would...would want to come too?” For some utterly bizzare reason, his cheeks were burning. He stared at a blackberry bush. Talking with Mr. Uzumaki had always been awkward, because Sasuke was just that kind of incompetent idiot, but after that day, the awkwardness had not only increased, but also got mixed in with something close to shame and relief. “I know it’s obviously late notice, and if you guys had other plans, obviously, we understand, but I just--just thought that...that it could be fun...” he trailed off. 

There was a moment of silence that made Sasuke want to crawl under a rock. “Well, Kushina is going overseas on Friday, but Naruto and I will love to come. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” He nodded and continued to walk. He thankfully kept quiet for the rest of the time, only listening to Mr. Uzumaki talk about the last time he’d gone camping--about two summers ago--and how Mrs. Uzumaki and Naruto had gotten lost for about three hours when they took the wrong turn to the campground. The story took the entire time, and Sasuke couldn’t decide if that was on purpose or not, but he couldn’t deny that Mr. Uzumaki’s voice was calming. 

Mr. Uzumaki was fumbling with his keys when he glanced at him for a quick second. He looked just as Naruto looked when he was about to ask something important. “How are you?”

“Fine,” he said, letting the word out before he thought about the implications of the question. Mr. Uzumaki smiled gently at him, with a calm look in his eyes that invited him to say more. And it worked, “I really am fine. I’m sorry for acting that way the other day, and for,” he glanced away. “For taking a nap on your bed.” Why was he such an awkward person? He bit back a sigh, “and thank you for listening to me.” 

“I’m really glad you’re okay, Sasuke.” The words felt heavy. “And I want you to know that if you ever need anything and you feel that Kakashi can’t help you for whatever reason, I’m here to help, okay? Even if Kakashi can help you, I’m still here to help, too.”

Sasuke wanted to look away from him, but looking away would have felt like enormous disrespect to him. “I know, Mr. Uzumaki, thank you. I’m not normally such a hassle, I promise.” 

“I don’t think you’re a hassle.” 

Glancing away, he cleared his throat, willing that annoying feeling that there was something stuck to go away. There was that heat again. So much for maintaining respectful eye contact. “So...that’s an ok for camping?”

He received a light squeeze in return. “Yup. Let me or Naruto know how we can help for the weekend, alright?”

Sasuke nodded and excused himself, trying to control the funny feeling in his stomach. The warmess only increased when he saw that Kakashi had made his favorite food, even if dinner turned into a quiet affair, after which he was promptly handed his violin and asked to practice while Kakashi graded some tests, chuckling occasionally--but Sasuke had learned not to ask. 

\---

“I can’t believe you said that in front of everyone!”

Kakashi glanced at him, moving his hand away from the ignition. “You’ve known me for how long and you really can’t believe that?”

Sasuke glared, crossing his arms, not entirely ready to concede that point. “And you really have to stop antagonizing Naruto. I’m trying to keep him happy, and you’re not making it easier.”

“My bad,” Kakashi coughed, although it sounded more like a chuckle, but Sasuke was willing to let that go considering he finally started the car. “I was planning on letting it go, but I had such a crappy time during that meeting, that I might have just been a little immature about some stuff.”

Sasuke eyed him, trying to decide where the truth ended and the theatrics began. “Well, stop it. We’re leaving with him and Mr. Uzumaki on Friday, and we’re spending the entire weekend with them, so you have to play nice.” 

“I will,” Kakashi said, and for once in his life, sounded completely serious. After a second, he added, “but only because I can tell this is stressing you out way too much, and you’re a brat when you’re stressed.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and let the conversation die, not willing to concede  _ that _ point either. Yet. In his defense, he felt that overall, all things considered in his entire life, he handled stress adequately fine. On most occasions. 

He worked on his homework in the living room, while Kakashi prepared dinner; it was delicious tonight, too. Sasuke decided that it was an apology, and he decided to accept it, even if there were no words attached to it, except to tell him that he would take Urushi out in the morning to let him sleep more.

Sasuke did sleep a little more. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept in on a weekday, but it was a good feeling. He even had time to make Kakashi his coffee and make some eggs for breakfast, sneaking an extra set of grapes into Kakashi’s lunch, the seedless kind, the ones that he would actually eat. 

“I actually did mean for you to sleep in more,” Kakashi said as soon as he entered the house, rushing upstairs, only to come down a few minutes later. “Ready?”

Sasuke handed him his lunch and mug, nodding. He pour Urushi’s food into the treat ball and hid it behind a chair, calling him as he closed the door. “Kakashi? Can I ask what Mr. Uzumaki and you talked about during that day?”

He glanced at him, “when?”

Sasuke shrugged. “That day.”

Kakashi blinked. “I’m not sure to what day you’re referring,” he said, innocently.

Sasuke stared at the window. Kakashi really was relentless, wasn’t he? He sighed, speaking through clenched teeth, “when I took a nap on Mr. Uzumaki’s bed.”

“Oh, that day,” Kakashi said, like the man hadn’t known exactly what day they were talking about. “Nothing much, just wanted to know why your dad made a fake missing person report.”

Sasuke frowned. “What did you tell him?”

“That I had no idea,” Kakashi said with such finality, that Sasuke knew the conversation was over. 

A few minutes later, he was walking towards his locker. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Kakashi knew why his father did that--safety concerns. True, Sasuke couldn’t remember much about anything, but his father was still paranoid, a decade later, he must have been much more when everything was happening, and he must have not trusted many people during that time. Let alone the police. Police would have been the suspects on his father’s mind, surely, the people willing to help, but--purposely failing because they were the ones who really killed his father’s wife and son? He wasn’t sure. He shoved his English book in his locker. But he didn’t know why Kakashi hadn’t just said that to Mr. Uzumaki, wasn’t entirely convinced that it was the only thing that they talked about, but the only thing that annoying Kakashi with too many questions was--

His shirt got lifted from behind, up to his neck. He turned around, pressing his back against the lockers, wincing. The hallway was empty. He glared at Naruto. “Are you insane?”

Naruto just shrugged, “gave you a fair warning yesterday. But you actually moved too fast, so if you don’t mind.” He looked at him expectantly. 

Sasuke stared at him, before glancing at both sides of the hallway. At least his locker was in the reject hall, and at least there was no one around. He really wanted to stomp on Naruto’s foot, but he was trying to get everyone to just move past this whole thing, and at least he would see that he was healing perfectly well. And Naruto could see that nothing had been added. Swallowing, he turned his back to Naruto. He felt a finger trailing a bruise, before his shirt was let go. “Happy?”

“For today,” Naruto replied, just as the bell rang, his tone surpringly matter-of-fact.

The next morning, Sasuke sent him a text to meet him in the locker rooms. They were empty in the morning, the school somehow managing to avoid any P.E. classes in first period. Naruto came in about five minutes later, his cheeks red and panting--quite a feat, considering how many practices, soccer and cross country, were spent with the entire team hating Naruto because he just wouldn’t look tired.

“Are you okay?” 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “funny, I was just going to ask you the same thing.”

“I thought you had an emergency.”

Sasuke shook his head and turned around, lifting his shirt. “I figured that if you were going to insist on being an idiot about this, I really would prefer it if it happened somewhere else other than a hallway.” His breath hitched when Naruto’s fingers brushed against the skin. “Happy?”

Naruto poked him. “Does it hurt?”

It actually tingled, but Sasuke was not ready to ever consider the implications of that, let alone let Naruto know. He swallowed. “No.”

“You heal really slowly,” Naruto said. “How long has it been? Almost two weeks?”

Sasuke couldn’t help but be a little offended at that--it wasn’t his fault that he bruised easily and healed slowly. “About. They’re pretty yellowish now,” he shrugged. The bruises were almost ready to dissapear forever from his life. Hopefully along with the problems that they caused. “Happy?”

After a pause, Naruto spoke, a finger still tracing the bruises, “how good of an aim does Mr. Hatake have, Sasuke?”

He pulled his shirt down, feeling an annoying heat around his neck. “I’m not pulling my pants down.”

“I--I didn’t say that! I was just asking. Didn’t you say that he practiced martial arts?”

Sasuke remembered that conversation. “He does. And I do, too. And I’m really hoping your thought process isn’t going where I think it’s going because it’s wrong.” He sighed, “I’m throwing you a bone here--” 

“I--” 

“What is it going to take for you to let this go?”

“I’m just worried about you!”

“I know. I get that.” To be fair, if Sasuke cared a little more, he also would be worried about himself more. Maybe he should just tell Naruto the whole truth. Maybe he shouldn’t make hasty decisions before first period even started. “But you really don’t need to worry about this. It’s the first time it’s ever happened, and it won’t happen again.” Mostly because Sasuke wasn’t going to do anything in his life to ever warrant it again not so much to avoid the pain, but because it had caused much more trouble than being rude to some employees warranted. 

Naruto frowned. He looked like someone had stabbed a puppy in front of him. “Come on, first period is going to start soon,” he held the door opened for Sasuke. 

The next morning, Sasuke waited for Naruto outside of his car after asking Kakashi if he could go with Naruto to school. It had been surprisingly easy to convince him, but he wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

“Can I get a ride?” He asked when Naruto walked up to him, not surprised when Naruto just nodded, but a little worried that he didn’t ask anything. “I saved you a breakfast burrito,” he said, as he took the aluminum packet out of his backpack and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” Naruto said, waiting until a red light to take a bite from it. Uh. He really was a safe driver. “Did...something happened?”

The light was still on red. Sasuke shifted to face away from Naruto, lifting the back of his shirt, “nope.” Just trying to show that Kakashi wasn’t a control freak. Nothing at all. As soon as the car started moving again, he pulled it down. “Just figured that if I’m stripping for you every morning, the least you can do is give me a free ride.”

He wished he could take a polaroid of the look on Naruto’s face. He cleared his throat, loudly, “you make it sound so dirty, Sasuke.”

“You’re the one who started manhandling me--” 

“You’re the one who got half naked in my living room--” 

“You got me the clothes--” 

“There was a bathroom across the hallway!” Naruto’s voice cracked, and it took all of Sasuke’s willpower to keep from laughing. To his credit, Naruto’s face did not turn a deeper shade of red. “You could have walked there. But you didn’t. You just--took your shirt off--” 

“And you stared,” Sasuke smirked.

“Just to see your bruises!”

“Nice try, but they’re on my back, not my front--“

“Actually,” Naruto glanced at him. “You have one like on your elbow, and there’s another one on the right side of your bo--pants line, which makes me think they didn’t just land on your back.” Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that, doing his best to keep his face impassive, but Naruto seemed completely oblivious, “yesterday, I was trying to figure out if it connected to one on your back and the belt just wrapped around a little more, but I couldn’t, and, anyway, that’s why I was asking if Mr. Hatake had good aim. A lot of them do look like they’re connected and honestly, they look kind of systematic. You say that it’s the first time that it’s happened, but no matter what you say, I’m pretty sure that it must have hurt a lot, so I can’t imagine someone who’s never been hit like that before, staying still, and even if it wasn’t the first time, staying still is still kind of unlikely. But maybe you managed. I know athletes have a higher pain tolerance than most people, so I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, I guess, mostly because I never saw rope burns on your wrists to suggest a more forceful situation. But on the other hand, Mr. Hatake said that he was super drunk and fairly angry, so I can’t imagine someone under those conditions would have hit as accurate as he did. Unless he’s constantly drunk, in which case, he could be a functional alcoholic and maybe hit like that, but if he drank as much as that suggests, shouldn’t he have more movie days at school because he would be hungover? I didn’t get a good look that day in the bathroom, but the more I look at them now, the more I’m sure that someone is lying. I still haven’t come up with an explanation to explain my dad’s whole reaction to this, though. I’m pretty sure that if Mr. Hatake was drunk and hit you, he would have arrested him. At first I thought that maybe, Mr. Hatake was a great liar, but the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced the drunk part was a lie, and if he came up with that terrible lie, then he couldn’t have possibly lied well enough to convince my dad.” He parked and turned to Sasuke. “So, who’s lying, Sasuke?”

Sasuke was having much more fun when Naruto was fumbling and blushing over the words. “Fine. Look,” he took a breath. “Remember when I told you about my mom?” When Naruto nodded, he continued, “dad might or might not have found some stuff like that under my bed, that I might or might not have used, and he might or might not have warned me a few times that if he ever found out I was potentially using, he was going to either send me to military school, or whip me until I never wanted to do anything like that ever again. I kinda might or might not have begged him not to send me away. And for the record, I did stay still all by myself, my dad wouldn’t  _ tie _ me up. I really don’t know what my dad told yours, but I imagined it would have something to do with the fact that possession of certain substances might have warranted my arrest, and maybe your dad felt bad that I had already received sufficient punishment. Dad told you that he was the drunk one because I asked him not to tell you what really happened and I think maybe he felt guilty, I don’t know. Happy?” 

His head hurt, but that was a good explanation and would hopefully--

“Sasuke?” Naruto began, slowly, “you’re the definition of a nerd. You really expect me to believe that you get high? High of knowledge maybe,” he mumbled, before getting louder, “And even if that was the case, and your dad took the blame when I confronted him, has he also been insinuating that he will beat you up again out of  _ guilt _ ?”

Sasuke was going to stab himself. Out of everyone in the entire fucking school, and he had to get stuck with the idiot who just couldn’t stop obsessing about things and had, apparently enough good luck to mutter more than a couple of accurate theories? And who apparently cared enough not to swallow the lies? His past life must have been a complete dick to warrant this. “I think--” 

“Look,” Naruto sighed, “I know that I might be pushing things a little, or have pushed them too far already. And I am sorr--kinda sorry for that. But I hope you know that when you bend yourself over backwards to defend Mr. Hatake, it looks like you’ve been forced to normalize this behavior and accept it because it’s happened your entire life. And it’s worrisome. I haven’t called the police because my dad can just wave it off and pretend I’m playing a prank on them, and I’m starting to think that he really would do that for some reason, I mean,” he looked away. “Anyway--” 

“I’m not.” Sasuke stared at the ceiling. He could feel something on his throat again. He closed his eyes. “Kakashi,” he paused. How dangerous was a Junior, really? Naruto couldn’t even dodge a punch in the nose. “I--” 

“And another--” 

Sasuke took his backpack and got out of the car. He got to Kakashi’s classroom, surprised that Naruto hadn’t followed him. A quick check of the room confirmed that Kakashi was the only person around. He locked the door. “Naruto’s absolutely insane and I don’t know what to do with him anymore.”

Kakashi glanced up from the newspaper. “Weren’t you the one who wanted to get a ride from him this morning?”

Sasuke didn’t appreciate the insinuation that he was the only one to blame right now. “Yes and you know what? He told me that I couldn’t possibly be a drug addict because I’m a  _ nerd _ . Like the two things are mutually exclusive. I mean, I’m pretty sure that Jugo spend all of last year high as fuck--” 

“Language.”

“But he still got into a great college and is arguably a bigger nerd than I am--” 

“It--” 

“Because I’m not a nerd, I’m not, it’s just that my dad would just beat the crap out of me if I didn’t get good grades, and you know what? He wouldn’t even have the decency to let you do it, but of course, I’m the  _ nerd _ . He’s the one who switched into all my classes, and is he really resenting me for that? I didn’t--” He blinked when he felt a hands on his shoulders. Kakashi was standing in front of him, and Sasuke managed to take a breath. 

“It sounds like there’s something else in your mind besides being a called a nerd,” Kakashi said, softly. 

Sasuke glanced away, “he told me that he wanted to call the cops on us, but hadn’t because his dad would make them think it was a prank, but what if one of the cops don’t think that and does believe him? They could investigate, and it’s not like I’m not trying to heal faster, but I haven’t and I can’t do it faster, and if someone sees that, they’re really going to take me away and you’re going to end up in prison, I’m just so fucking pale, but it’s not like I can help it--” 

“If you want,” Kakashi said, taking him by the shoulder to his desk, “we could tell him the truth.”

“Father doesn’t like cops, Kakashi, I’m pretty sure it’s bad enough that Mr. Uzumaki knows, but if Naruto knows, other people could find out and then, what? You still end up in prison, and I end up with someone who hates my guts--” 

“He doesn’t hate you--” 

Sasuke took a deep breath. He did. He didn’t even start after his mother and brother died, Sasuke always knew that his dad just never liked him. He couldn’t blame him, of course, it’s not like he had any reason to be particularly liked, but it was exhausting to hear Kakashi and other employees pretend that it was not so. “Fine, I end up with someone whose guts I hate.”

After a moment, Kakashi nodded, “do you want to cancel the campin--” 

“ _ No _ .” 

“Okay. How will I end up in prison if your father never knows anything?”

He didn’t have a chance to answer that question because the bell rang. With a sigh, he took his backpack and went to calculus. Naruto wasn’t there. He wasn’t in History either. Or English. Or practice. On Thursday, he wasn’t there either. Sasuke felt his chest tightening, but he had a lot of math problems to get through. It was fine. It was fine. Completely fine. The police hadn’t shown up in their doorstep, and neither had his father, which made sense because how would his father know, if Kakashi didn’t tell him? So, so it was fine. Naruto was probably not dead in a ditch somewhere, either, not matter what his dreams apparently wanted him to believe. It was fine. Completely fine. He wasn’t expecting him on Friday either, but found himself pleasantly surprised when he was sitting in first period. But Naruto didn’t utter a word to him, his face surprisingly blank. Neither did he in second period. Break, Naruto dashed out and by the time, Sasuke was in the hallway, he had disappeared. He wasn’t there during third, either. But he was back in fourth, to the right of Sasuke’s seat. 

Mrs. Mitarashi was finishing the first slide of a powerpoint on the Captains of Industry, when Sasuke felt a hand pressed against his back. Blanching, he turned to look at Naruto, but to his utter relief, the familiar pulling of his shirt never came. The hand remained there, though, for the rest of the period, and Sasuke couldn’t concentrate on anything else. To his complete horror, Naruto’s notes looked atrocious, so they wouldn’t even be legible. They had a test next Friday, and he just couldn’t concentrate on the lecture.

As soon as the bell rang, Sasuke jumped out, only to be pulled back down by his shirt. “What?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Do you?” Sasuke asked, doing his best to pretend like he hadn’t been worried sick about talking to him too. 

Naruto just nodded and headed out of the classroom. The audacity to--Sasuke clenched his jaw, fuming as he followed him. They ended up behind the bleachers, that, if he was being honest, had a lot less stoners than he had always been led to believe. Sasuke crossed his arms, as he shot Naruto’s expectant look right back at him.

“I’m sorry for what I said on Wedneday.”

Sasuke blinked. “Really?”

Naruto sighed, “kinda? I mean, yes, I am. Obviously, the topic makes you upset and I shouldn’t have pushed things the way I did.”

“And you came to this conclusion all by yourself?”

Naruto stared at him, before shaking his head. “My dad told me to cut it out and stop being an asshole and clear the air before this afternoon, or else, he was going to take the car away for the rest of the semester. So I’m sorry for making you feel distressed in any way, shape, or form.”

He shouldn’t have asked that. There was something uncomfortable in the pit of his stomach, Mr. Uzumaki must have been really angry to say something like that, the man didn’t strike him as a particular vengeful person. “It’s fine,” he said. “But did you really need to distract me in history?”

Naruto gave him a soft smile. “Promise, it was the last time. Anyway, if we’re good, then I’m really hungry, so maybe we should...get food.”

Sasuke nodded, ignoring the feeling in his stomach.

\---- 

By the time they had set up camp, something was definietly pressing down on his chest. He couldn’t tell what it was, but it got heavier each time Naruto offered to help Kakashi do something, even when the task didn’t really need two people. Sasuke was pretty sure that Mr. Uzumaki was watching Naruto like a hawk, which didn’t help matters.

Sasuke knew that he was a polite person, for reasons that were too...uncomfortable to really consider, but seeing Naruto behave in the same way was just--Sasuke excused himself to walk Urushi. Five minutes later, he turned around and asked Naruto if he wanted to come with him, biting back a wince when he practically jumped on his feet.

“You want me to hold him?” Naruto asked, when the rugged trail started. 

Sasuke handed over the leash, taking a deep breath. What would Naruto do if he fainted then and there? There was no phone signal until the dining hall. But Naruto did run fast. He shook his head. He wasn’t going to faint. It was just difficult to breathe because the elevation. That was it. That made sense. 

He sat down. Near a log. It was fine, the point of camping was getting dirty. It was fine. It was. “Why are you being so nice to Kakashi?”

Naruto frowned, glancing around the clearing. “I thought that’s what you wanted...” he trailed off. It sounded more like a question than a statement. 

Sasuke didn’t remember telling him that, but obviously Naruto could read between the lines, and it  _ had _ been what he had wanted. But not if it only happened because he got in trouble and almost lost car privileges. If he had wanted that, then Sasuke would have been a hypocrite--and--and he was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a  _ hypocrite _ . “You didn’t answer the question.”

“Right,” Naruto said, his speaking speed slower than usual. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“I just want you to answer the question!”

“Okay, uh, I don’t--I--Honestly, I told my dad what happened in the car on Wednesday, and then--” 

“And then he said he’ll take your car away if you don’t play nice.” He was such a fucking hypocrite. The fact that his father hated him didn’t mean that Mr. Uzumaki had to hate Naruto. He didn’t think ruining another father-son relationship would have been another one of his low points in life, but clearly, he was just great at outdoing himself--Itachi should have been the one who survived.

“Right, because--” 

Sasuke wiped his hands. “Kakashi’s not my real dad, you were right, we were both lying, and your dad doesn’t hate you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi wasn’t Sasuke’s real dad.

He was right.

They were both liars.

And his dad didn’t hate him.

Urushi was licking Sasuke’s face, but he didn’t look like he was paying attention to that. He didn’t look like he was paying attention to anything at all, but each passing breath, his breathing became shallower. Fuck. 

It was almost five years ago that Sakura became obsessed with going to the best medical school in the country to become a doctor, move to an underserved country, and open up her own practice. It had been a long time since Naruto was a recipient to one of her medical monologues, the honor having gone to Ino or Karin a few years back, but for some reason, his mind couldn’t help but conjure up the importance of breathing properly. 

“Hey, hey,” Naruto’s hand hovered over his back. He couldn’t remember if he was allowed to touch someone or not. Fuck. “Um, Sasuke? Why don’t you lean your head on your knees. It’ll help with breathing...better.” 

Sasuke glanced at him, his eyes glazed over, his face paled, before he pulled his knees up to his chest and hid his face between them. Naruto hesitated for a second, then placed his hand on his back, and like a rock shattering a lake, creating countless ripples, the contact brought out wrecked sobs. Biting his lip, Naruto looked around, but they had gotten off path, it looked like there was no one aorund and even Urushi was just laying on the ground after failing to get Sasuke’s attention. Sasuke was mumbling something, but it was too soft to be understandable. 

He was considering picking him up and taking him back to the campground, where two more useful people than him would be, when he felt an added weight to his chest. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Sasuke, leaned onto his chest, his eyes closed. Naruto helped him to his back, taking a deep breath--it wouldn’t do any good to freak out right now. It wouldn’t. He hovered his hand under Sasuke’s nose, feeling warm air. Good. Still breathing. Of course he was--his chest was rising and falling.

His phone had, conveniently, no signal. Of course not. And Urushi wasn’t trained off-leash, definietly not in a forest with thousand of potential squirrels, would get lost before he ever made it back to Mr. Hatake. He drew another breath. Fuck. It was fine, Sasuke was still breathing. Fuck. He tapped his shoulder, calling out his name, over and over and  _ over _ and he wouldn’t wake up. And just as fast as he passed out, Sasuke came about. His eyes fluttered open, and just like someone who hadn’t ever listened to Sakura ramble, he tried to get up. 

Naruto placed a firm hand on his chest. “Stay.” He winced at that, Sasuke wasn’t a dog--but he didn’t exactly know how much someone could understand words after fainting. Although, Sasuke seemed to. With his other hand, Naruto fanned him, worried that Sasuke didn’t tell him anything, not even to move away and leave him alone. Not that he would have left, not until some blood could flow back to the brain, or something. 

Blood flow. Water. Food. He needed to buy Sakura some presents. 

When Sasuke’s eyes became a bit more focused, Naruto helped him sit up, leaning his back against a log. He took his water bottle from the backpack, ripped the cap off, and offered it, and by some miracle, Sasuke parted his lips and began drinking. He finished it, which made sense considering the deep tear marks cutting his cheeks. Naruto ripped a granola bar open, but to his dismay, Sasuke just shook his head. 

“You should eat something,” Naruto said, slowly. 

“Not hungry.” His voice sounded so brittle.

“Okay,” Naruto nodded, putting it away and shifting to sit next to Sasuke. The silence dragged on, but for once in his life, he couldn’t find the incessant need to fill it up with an endless streams of words. Just as well, the silence let him hear Sasuke’s breathing, without having to stare at him to make sure he was alive. 

He remembered asking Sakura once in eight grade when he would need to know what to do if someone fainted--the only thing he would need to do was call the ambulance. Hinata fainted once during one of the mile runs, but there were adults and they called the paramedics, and that seemed to be the perfect argument against Sakura’s riddiculous insistence on being prepared for emergency situations. 

But now.

Now.

Now, it had mattered.

And he wished he had paid more attention to her panic attack rambles. That had to be what it was. Fuck. He was an idiot. He glanced at Sasuke, motionless by his side, except for the tears pooling in his eyes, spilling over every couple of seconds. Naruto did his best to give him his privacy, sure that he wouldn’t appreciate the staring while he cried. 

But a panic attack for which part? Not being Mr. Hatake’s real son, or Naruto’s dad not hating him? He shook his head--thinking about that when he was closed enought to feel Sasuke’s shoulders shaking, didn’t...feel right. 

He was jolted out of his thought with Urushi’s deep bark, his swinging tail slapping his face. Naruto stood up, just as Mr. Hatake was coming into view. Naruto let go of the leash, watching the dog sprinting to his owner. Mr. Hatake petted him, holding the leash, though his eyes were steadily fixed on them. Naruto couldn’t read them.

“I...” He began when Mr. Hatake was within earshot. He glanced down at Sasuke, who had gone completely stilled. 

Mr. Hatake stopped in front of Sasuke’s knees. “Come on, up you go. It’s dinner time, you two were gone for awhile, and Minato made tomato soup.” 

To his complete surprise, Sasuke stood up, keeping his head down. Had--had he been kidnapped? He had just said that Mr. Hatake wasn’t his real dad, and that  _ would _ explain the beatings; surely, a kidnapper didn’t care about hurting the person who they kidnapped. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. His chemistry teacher was a kidnapper, and--and who was Sasuke? Was it one of those--

He blinked when Sasuke hid his face against Mr. Hatake’s chest, and then, didn’t so much as breathe, when Mr. Hatake hugged him. Naruto accepted Urushi’s leash, careful to keep his jaw from hitting the ground--damm it, he didn’t know anything about kidnapped victims. But--but his dad did, and--and his dad was human, he could make mistakes, but he wouldn’t have made a mistake like this. No. Not his dad. 

Not a mistake like that. No. He drew in a breath. But that still didn’t explain the beating, and--he shook his head. No. He couldn’t think about anything like that right now. He had to tell Mr. Hatake about Sasuke fainting, that’s what was really important--of course--

No. No. He closed his eyes. Concentrate. Just--but, well, if he was a kidnapper, then...then, surely, the woods would be a great place to get rid of people. Like a cop and his annoying son. And--

“Naruto!”

Naruto jumped at his name being called. Over the weeks, of course, he’d heard Mr. Hatake’s teacher voice, but this one was much deeper, resonated longer, and it--it sort of rattled his inside. 

“Yeah?” He asked, trying to get a good look at Mr. Hatake. He was a tall man, still taller than Sasuke and him, and he knew he practiced martial arts and was good enough to teach Sasuke. He was a chemistry teacher, so presumably, he knew how to decompose bodies. Right? No. No. His dad wouldn’t have let him come camping with a kidnapper, or murderer. Concentrate. Fuck. When he got back home, he was joining a club for reformed conspiracy theorists. Fuck. “Yeah?”

“What happened?” His voice was, magically, back to normal, with the cheery undertone that Naruto had been conditioned to associate with a pop quiz. 

“Uh. Uh.” His attention drifted to Sasuke--his shoulders were shaking again. Swallowing, he replied, “he--we were talking and walking, and then, he sat down and--and, and then, he fainted. He was out for about two minutes, although it felt much longer. I kept him down for awhile, and gave him water, he finished the whole bottle, but,” he took out the granola bar from his pocket. “But, he didn’t want to...eat.”

Mr. Hatake’s eyes remained on him, staring at him like he was trying to decide whether he was lying or not. A few tense seconds later, he nodded, and turned to Sasuke. “If you can’t walk, I’ll give you a piggy back ride.”

It didn’t sound like a threat, but Sasuke jumped back, wiping his face with his sleeves as he shook his head so vigiriously that Naruto wouldn’t have been surprised if he dropped backwards again. 

“I’m fine,” Sasuke said. He didn’t sound fine, but Naruto didn’t say anything, and neither did Mr. Hatake. 

The walk back to camp was uneventful, except for the times that Sasuke would just stop walking, only to resume a minute later, apparently, to avoid being carried by Mr. Hatake. The sun did set, but they made it back to the clearing before the sky turned pitched black. A campfire burned in the middle of their tents, illuminating his dad. Naruto had never been so grateful to see his dad. 

The food was already heated. Naruto counted Sasuke bringing the spoon to his lips four times, before he set the plate by his feet. Did Sakura ever mentioned lack of appetite after fainting? After an anxiety attack? No matter how much he racked his brain, he couldn’t remember. 

“Sasuke, you need to eat.”

“’M not hungry.” If the entire night hadn’t suddenly shushed, no one would have been ablt to hear that. 

“Mr. Uzumaki made the dinner and--” 

Sasuke stood up, bowing his head, “I’m sorry for wasting your food and effort, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Naruto winced. There was politeness, and then there deferentialness, and Sasuke had just jumped over that cliff. 

His dad stared at him for a moment, before turning his attention to Sasuke. “It’s okay, Sasuke. Maybe tomorrow, you’ll be hungry.”

Naruto doubted that, but Sasuke, ever the model citizen, thanked him for that prospect and for dinner, again, wished everyone good night, and headed to bed, taking Urushi with him. 

A second later, Mr. Hatake was standing up, too. “I’m going to check up on him.”

His dad nodded, and when they were alone, he turned to look at him. “What happened?” 

He sounded so disappointed. Naruto glanced into the fire. “We were walking. He asked me why I was being nice to Mr. Hatake, and I told him because of what we discussed on Wednesday, and then he started looking a little sick, and passed out,” he glanced at the tent. Maybe Mr. Hatake was--no. No. The tents weren’t soundproof. “He--he told me Mr. Hatake wasn’t his real dad, and that you didn’t hate me.”

His dad got up, took a bucket of sand and threw it on the fire. “Come on, let’s go talk inside the tent.”

Naruto wasn’t done eating, but it sounded urgent. He followed his dad to their tent, sitting cross-legged on his sleeping bag as his dad turned on a lamp. “I--I promise, I wasn’t...trying to antagonize him anymore. And, and when Mr. Hatake showed up, he just started crying again. I didn’t--I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you sure you didn’t ask him anything to prompt him to say those things to you?”

It had been a long time since he gotten his cop dad. Naruto shook his head. “No. No. I just told him, and then he blanched, and then he got--he said that. I don’t know, dad. I couldn’t remember what Sakura told me about fainting, but I gave him water--” 

“That’s good,” his dad said. “Listen, obviously, I normally wouldn’t say this, but--” 

“I don’t want to know anything, dad,” Naruto said. “I mean,” he stared at him. When he was little, he was always so happy to look just like his dad, but now, having him look as disappointed as he felt inside--it was not a good feeling. “I mean, just that you’re one hundred percent that Mr. Hatake cares about Sasuke and won’t hurt him again, I only want to know that. If you tell me that, then I won’t ask anything else. I don’t want to know anything else.”

His dad kept quiet for awhile. “Kakashi does care about Sasuke, a lot, in fact; he’s a good man. Like I said, whatever he did, he regrets immensily, and I promise, Sasuke likes him too.”

Naruto nodded. He had to believe his dad. His dad never really gave him many reasons to disbelief him. “Okay,” he said. “I promise, I’m never bringing this up again.”

“I’m glad.”

“Yeah,” Naruto said. “Yeah, me too.”

\----

After slipping his shirt on, Naruto sneaked out of his tent, almost falling on his face as he struggled to put his tennis shoes on. But it worked out, he didn’t fall, and he was ready for a run through the woods. To start the day, to clear his head. The sun was barely peaking over the horizon, and the air was crisp. 

“Good morning.”

Looked like he wasn’t the only early riser. “Good morning, Mr. Hatake,” he said. He bend down to scratch behind Urushi’s ears, smiling at the wagged tail. “Heading out for a run?”

“Yup. Want to come?”

Naruto nodded. It was a long run. Uphill. Sometimes, he’d seen Mr. Hatake running with Sasuke in the morning, but who could have guessed that his chemistry teacher was in military-grade shape?

“Mr. Hatake?” Naruto asked when they were finally walking back to camp. Even Urushi looked tired. “How’s...Sasuke?”

Mr. Hatake glanced at him, “he’s been better.” After a moment, he added, “I’m glad you were there yesterday.”

Naruto frowned, as he tried to find the passive aggresiveness, but couldn’t. “I--I’m glad you think that. I was really worried about him, and I’m really glad you came to find us. I don’t know if I would have been able to get him back to camp otherwise,” he said. “And I’m really sorry.”

Mr. Hatake halted, turning to look at him. He looked much taller than yesterday. It was fine, he was a good man. He was a good man. “Can I be honest with you, Naruto?”

“Yes. But I don’t want to know anything.”

Mr. Hatake chuckled. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Sasuke like that. I don’t make it a habit to threaten my students and a cop’s son,” he paused. “But you might just fail chemistry if you cause him so much distress again. Do we understand each other?”

Naruto nodded. Considering all the trouble he caused, and how convinced he was that Mr. Hatake was someone awful--well, he, no. No. He promised his dad he would stop. “Even without that threat, Mr. Hatake...I don’t ever want to make him that upset again. Can--can I still be his friend?”

Mr. Hatake’s chuckles turned into laughter. “You can be his boyfriend for all I care, but it’s not really up to me, is it?”

Naruto glanced away, ignoring the way his breath hitched. No. No. It wasn’t up to him. “Is there anything I can do to help him feel better?”

“I don’t know. Ask him.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, glancing over at him, before staring ahead. He couldn’t help but think that regardless of everything, Mr. Hatake was a weird man. But he was right. If--if he wanted to try to help, Sasuke, then he was the one who would have to tell him what to do. And--and--and he could decide whether to forgive him or not. 

When they got back to camp, neither Sasuke nor his dad were around, so they started on breakfast. Camping breakfast, which really shouldn’t count as breakfast at all, part of roughing out and all. 

But dealing with the silence was not roughing it out, and Naruto got it--up till now, Mr. Hatake and him had a...hostile relationship, and--well, actually been nice to him was a reason for Sasuke’s attack yesterday, but...but before that, Naruto was pretty sure that Sasuke had set-up this thing as a playdate for them--if he had been the one to set it up, of course, which. Which he had. His dad said so. So, he should try to make peace. “Do you miss the east coast?”

Kakashi hummed, “I do, I lived there most of my life, except for college. I moved here for that, actually. I think I’m going to miss the snow during winter.”

“Never been to the snow, but I’ve always wanted to have a snow fight.”

Mr. Hatake nodded, “they can be fun. But I would have thought with your mom traveling so much, you would have seen snow by now.” 

Sighing, he threw a dry stick at the fire. “Mom’s always traveling to cold places when I’m in school, so I can never tag along.” He shrugged, “it’s fine. I mean, a snow fight sounds really fun, but I’m not sure I would like the cold. I don’t even like winter here...” 

“California winters are hardly winters,” Mr. Hatake replied. “You guys are all just wimps.”

Naruto blinked, before laughing. “We just don’t have the correct wardrobe, I’m pretty sure that you guys don’t like California heat either!”

“Actually, summers here are nicer than the humidity in the east coast. Especially if it rains over there, it’s gross.” He made a face at that, throwing a baby carrot at Urushi, who caught it mid-air. 

He offered one to Naruto, who promptly threw it in the air too. “Mr. Hatake--” 

“You can call me Kakashi,” he said. “But only outside of school, obviously. It feels weird being called Mr. Hatake in the real world--” 

Naruto raised an eyebrow. “In the real world?”

“Eh,” Mr. Hatake--Kakashi shrugged. “I know I’m supposed to think high school is part of the real world, but I don’t think there’s ever a place, other than jail, that forces strangers to be cramped together and do work without monetary compensation.” After a moment, he added, “but don’t tell anyone I said that, because I’m supposed to believe in the inherent importance of schooling.”

“What would you have instead? If you could?”

“A school, too--I do believe in the importance of education young, impressionable children, but I do think you guys should be paid for all the job you’re supposed to do, including homework and studying for tests. To be honest, if I didn’t get a laugh out of students’ expressions on a test, I wouldn’t give them.”

“I hate tests.” 

“Most kids do,” Kakashi shrugged. “Grading them can be fun, though.”

“Kakashi?” Naruto glanced at him, throwing another baby carrot at Urushi. “Why did you put a sad face on Sasuke’s ninety-eight?” By a miracle, his tone sounded more curious than accusatory.

Kakashi shrugged, “what’s the fun of having my kid in my class if I can’t have a little fun with him?”

“That’s not very nice.”

“It also helps keep other students in line. If I treat my kid like that, how will I treat everyone else? You can’t judge unless you’ve been in front of a room full of teenagers who are either planning your demise, or planning a riot.”

“And...” he cleared his throat. He had promised his dad, but there was nothing wrong asking a few questions, if he was going to absolutely listen to the answers without questioning them. “And did you really talk to Sasuke about it at home? What he said?”

Kakashi leveled him with a look, “I really don’t make it a habit to beat him, Naruto.”

“I’m just--I believe you.” He did. He believed his dad and he made a promise. “I’m just curious!”

“I didn’t actually. In fact, he was the one who brought it up, the kid can be such a brat some times--” 

“He doesn’t look like much of a brat.”

“I said sometimes,” Kakashi said, jumping to hold onto Urushi.

Naruto glanced at the dog, before he spotted his dad walking with Sasuke, both carrying two bags each, his dad looked like he was talking about something exciting, and Sasuke, for his part, looked a little relaxed. More than yesterday. 

“Do you think they got more snacks?” Naruto asked.

“I hope so. It’s not camping until the only thing you’re eating are snacks in place of meals.”

Naruto couldn’t argue with that. When they were a few yards away, Kakashi let go of Urushi, and the dog sprinted towards them. He stared, as Sasuke handed the dog both of the bags he’d been carried, and Urushi actually rushed back, sitting in front of Kakashi with his tail wagging. When Kakashi took those bags, Urushi walked back and stared at his dad until he got those bags too. Naruto was sure the dog’s tail was going to fly off, left or right, either way. 

They did bring a lot of snacks. And instant noodles, which was better than whatever else they were expecting Naruto to eat. Which was apparently fish, judging by the way both of the adults were eyeing the fishing rods--geesh. They were such old men. But they all went, Naruto making sure to pack a couple of the snacks--mostly cookies and chips, and one or two granola bars to pretend it was somewhat healthy. At least the lake was empty--made sense, it wasn’t a long weekend or a holiday, and they were probably the only idiots who decided it was a good idea to camp. 

Sasuke left with Urushi, taking a ball with him--Naruto was going to give him his space, but slowly, his brain cells were rotting away waiting for some fish to take the bait, and he was almost sure that both Kakashi and his dad were giving him a few hints that he should go over and talk with him. Which he would have loved to do, if only he knew what to say.

But after Kakashi’s second comment about how sometimes, Sasuke’s wrist hurt if he threw the ball too many times, Naruto stood up, ignoring the looks sent his way, and made his way where Sasuke and Urushi were playing fetch. 

“Your dad says you have carpal tunnel,” he said once Urushi was chasing the ball. 

Sasuke turned to look at him, his eyes puffy. “What?” His voice sounded better than yesterday, though. And at least, he was maintaining eye contact.

Naruto shrugged, “said your hand hurts if you toss the ball too many times.”

“That was one time!”

Naruto shrugged again, doing his best to keep a smile from his face. He wasn’t sure Sasuke would appreciate that, and it’s not like he was making fun of him, it was just that the kind of indignation in his face always came with a good story. Too bad. “Oh. Okay, well, if you don’t need help, I’m trying to catch my dinner.”

“You...know we bought instant noodles, right? And there’s fruit, and a ton of snacks. You don’t need to  _ catch _ your food, what kind of survival show do you think you’re on?”

“For your information, I would win those in a second.”

Sasuke made a sound. It sounded like a laugh. “You’re such an idiot, they would probably disqualify you before it even began. In fact, you would probably disqualify yourself before it even began.”

“How would someone even do that?” Naruto asked, bending over to pick Urushi’s ball and tossing it. “I mean, other than providing false information, I guess.”

“Maybe you misspell your name, I don’t know.” Sasuke glanced at him, before turning his attention to Urushi, who was dashing back. From that angle, the sunlight highlighted the slightly redenned cheeks, a small line under his eyes going across his nose. He was so pale. “Are you done staring?”

Naruto turned away, for both of their benefits. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Sasuke said. “I know I look stupid after I cry, or...during...” he cleared his throat.

“You don’t look stupid,” Naruto said, trying to sound more matter-of-fact than Sasuke. “It’s just that you’re really pale, and then sun, it--anyway,” he cleared his throat. “You never look stupid.”

“You clearly haven’t seen me take a history test yet,” Sasuke said.

Naruto didn’t believe that, but he kept that comment to himself. Sasuke, generally, always looked put together, poised, composed, and polite. Like the kind of guys that girls would kill to take him to meet their parents, and the parents would immediately want to bethroned their daughter to them. “You can’t look more stupid than me.”

“I don’t think anyone can look more stupid than you,” he smirked.

“Rude.” He watched him bend down to pick the ball again, this time tossing it backwards. “I’ve been told I’m actually rather good looking.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “I’ve seen better--” 

“Obviously, you look at yourself in the mirror all day!” Naruto’s eyes widened, as his brain tried to register if he had just said that. He had. Hadn’t he? Which--which was true. Sasuke was good looking, even with the current completely blank expression on his face. “Or some people would think.”

Sasuke took a step closer to him. “Are you really trying to tell me that you really were only getting me half-naked to check me out?”

“No!” Naruto huffed, turning away, heat unhelpfully rising to his face. “No. I was worried about you, I wasn’t... _ oogling _ you.”

Sasuke huffed, “are you sure? Because if you were, I don’t mind. I know I’m hot--” 

“Pfft.” Naruto crossed his arms, shaking his head, “you are a brat.”

Sasuke kicked the ball away, not even looking down. “I’m just trying to help you get comfortable with your sexuality, Naruto.”

He shoved him. Hard. He didn’t want to say that he preferred the quiet Sasuke who was too nice to make fun of anyone, but he wouldn’t necessarily hate it if he made an apparence right now to replace that smirking bastard in front of him. “You’re an ass.”

Sasuke shrugged, his body shifting away. Naruto could breathe a little easier, then. “All I’m saying that in exchange of rides, I really don’t mind stripping.”

“I’m not--” Naruto took a deep breath. Why was his face so hot? And the back of his neck so sweaty? His hands so clammy? It wasn’t  _ that _ hot, the air just as crisp as in the morning. “I don’t mind giving you rides, but you don’t need to strip. It sounds like prostitution--” 

“I mean, I wasn’t bringing in sex, but if you want--” 

Naruto picked the ball and threw it at him, it bounced off his chest, but Sasuke didn’t even bat an eye. Naruto shoved that piece of information to hopefully not obsess about later. “I bet you’re all just talk--” 

“Oh, yeah?” Sasuke took a step closer.

“Yeah! You’re just trying to make me emberassed--” 

“You’re already an emberassment, you don’t need my help--” 

“You’re right, I don’t need your help!” Wait. Wait, did he just agree that he was an emberassment? He huffed, doing his best to ignore the smile playing on Sasuke’s lips. “Fine. In that case, I expect you Monday morning in my room with your shirt off, and maybe a lap dance--” 

“You would sound more serious if you’re face wasn’t so red--” 

His face heated up more. They were so close, he’d never really realized the--the height difference. Damm it. “It’s only because I’m trying to keep in the laughter from Monday when you don’t show up cuz you know? You’re a chicken?”

Sasuke picked up the ball. “Oh yeah? Well just make sure you leave your window open. I won’t knock.”

“Fine. Be my guest--” 

“Fine, I will be--” 

“Now, if you excuse me,” Naruto turned around. Please, please let his face stop burning like a thousand suns. “I am going to go catch my food because that is the kind of show I’m on!”

Sasuke grabbed his shoulder, “I thought you were going to help me with my carpal tunnel.”

Naruto turned around and took the offered ball, tossing it in the air, and watching Urushi chase it like it was the best thing in the world. 

Sasuke had been right of course, there was plenty of food without having to eat fish, but his dad and Kakashi had caught a lot of fish, and it was delicious. By the time he couldn’t eat anymore, he was in bliss. His stomach was full, the fire was crackling in front of him, and if he looked up, the stars looked like the sky’s freckles. Everyone else had gone to bed about two hours ago, and although, his dad had told him not to sleep too late, Naruto couldn’t find a single bone of his body tired, even though logically he should have been exhausted. The run in the morning, chasing Urushi, swimming in the lake. Trying to stop himself from staring at Sasuke had taken the most energy, although, he was convinced that Sasuke had done enough staring for both of them. 

And he couldn’t figure out why. It would probably drive him insane, slowly but surely. Just thinking about that exchange with him made his face warmer than the fire could ever hope to achieve. He’d gotten so caught up with everything that he hadn’t even apologized to him, although--it was unclear whether or not Sasuke had done that on purpose to avoid that kind of apology. Still, it didn’t feel right not to apologize to him, even if he didn’t actually want to hear it--or was it necessary to apologize to him only for his own benefit? To make himself feel better? With a sigh, he tossed a stick into the fire, it really was too late to philosophize about anything at all--he wasn’t even that good at thinking to begin with, unless he--

“Still awake?”

Naruto jumped to his feet. Speaking of Sasuke. He was standing close enough to him that Naruto could see him holding an enormous blanket to his chest, could feel its warmth in his own chest, could see Sasuke’s tossled hair. “Gee, when did you get here?”

“Just now,” Sasuke replied softly. “I walked past you to get to the car.”

Naruto frowned. “You’re so quiet.”

“I’m really not,” Sasuke said, wrapping the blanket around himself and sitting down on the log, “you just don’t pay attention.”

Naruto supposed that he really couldn’t argue with that. He sat down next to him. “Did I wake you up or?”

“No, I was just cold. Kakashi and Urushi were hugging the blankets.” Sasuke’s voice was so calming when he was whispering. “I didn’t mean to scare you--” 

“You didn’t,” Naruto said. 

“It sure didn’t look like that, but whatever you say,” Sasuke said. “Aren’t you tired?”

“No. Are you?”

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto was pretty sure he was lying, but he didn’t want to start an argument, real or fake. 

“Do you like smores?”

Naruto raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, do you?”

“Do you want one?”

Naruto glanced at him. “Sure.”

Sasuke stood up, taking the blanket with him. Naruto heard some rummaging coming from the food locker, before he felt Sasuke’s presence again--he couldn’t say whatever he wanted, this time, Naruto had been paying attention and Sasuke was quiet. Very quiet. This time around, he didn’t sit on the log, just on the ground, with his back leaning the log, his right shoulder pressed against Naruto’s leg. 

“How’s your mom?” Sasuke asked. 

Naruto blinked, breaking the staring spell. At least Sasuke didn’t have eyes on the top of his head. “Oh, she’s good. She’s in Singapore right now,” he said. He missed her, but--he couldn’t miss her as much as Sasuke missed his mom, so he kept that thought to himself. “She was excited to try some of the street food there.”

Sasuke handed him the smore. “Can’t she get sick?”

“Probably not,” Naruto said, taking a bite. The chocolate and marshmallow melted into his tongue. “Um, mom has a strong stomach, if she ever needs it.”

“Sounds helpful,” Sasuke said, the stick back in the fire with a new marhmallow. “My stomach’s a wimp.”

“My dad’s too,” Naruto said, chuckling under his breath. He licked his fingers, blinking at the new smores. He took it, looking down at it. “You don’t want one?”

“I don’t like them, I just like making them. Do you want another one?”

Naruto shook his head, until he realized that Sasuke wasn’t looking at him. “I’m okay, but thanks,” he said. 

Silence fell around them then, but it was comfortable. He couldn’t remember ever been comfortable with someone without utterly a single word, but it felt like he could stay there for another ten years, and it would still be comfortable. He didn’t even care about the stiffness creeping onto his body, from moving so little, and judging by Sasuke’s refusal to move, he didn’t care either--although leaning against a roughed piece of wood couldn’t be that comfortable. 

It wasn’t until Sasuke’s head dropped against his leg that he realized why it was so quiet. Carefully, he sneak a peak at him, as much as he really could without waking him up. Logically, he knew there were so many mysteries still, but--but he could just pretend that Sasuke was simply adopted. The end. 

\-----

Monday morning, there was a knock on his window. Groaning, Naruto threw the blankets to the floor, and dragged his feet to the balcony, rolling his eyes when he spotted Sasuke standing behind the window. He opened it, moving aside to let Sasuke come in. 

“You’re ten minutes earlier than my alarm,” Naruto said, his heart beating dangerously fast so early in the morning. He hadn’t expected Sasuke to actually show up, like they both hadn’t been calling each other out at the lake. But as sleepy as he was, he refused to be the awkward one. “And I can’t believe you managed to climb up.”

“Why?” Sasuke asked, closing the door behind him and dropping his backpack on the ground. “We’ve gotten down before, why would up be any different?”

“Cuz it’s ten minutes before my alarm,” Naruto said, fully aware that his words made no sense, but not caring as he grabed Sasuke’s shirt and lifted it up, a small smile tugging at his lips at the lack of marks on his back. There was still the one at his elbow, but it was okay--that one too would finish healing too. “How you sleep?”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder, before turning his attention to the bed, apparently, “fine. You?”

“Great, until you’re psycho ass decided to wake me up ten minutes before my alarm.” He pushed him over to the bed, “aren’t you tired?” 

“A little,” he confessed. “I guess I’m still trying to recuperate from yesterday.”

Naruto made a face at that and flopped on the bed, easily dragging Sasuke down with him. “I tried to wake you up.”

“Yeah, at five in the morning, a little too late, if you ask me. My neck’s killing me.”

Naruto shifted to his side, huffing, “sorry my lap couldn’t be more comfortable. My neck’s killing too, thanks for asking.”

“I did ask. You said you slept great.”

There was a knock on the door. Naruto couldn’t tell whether Sasuke or him stood up faster, but he remembered to let go of his shirt just in time for the door to open, revealing his dad. 

Somehow, Sasuke recovered first. “Good morning, Mr. Uzumaki, how are you?”

His dad smiled gently, “good, thanks. Just a little surprised to hear you guys so chirpy after yesterday.”

Naruto could feel his cheeks warming up, and, sneaking a quick glance at Sasuke, could see his cheeks a faint shade of furious red. Which was riddiculous. Nothing happened Saturday night, except that he was an idiot and fell asleep on a log after whatever long he spent staring at Sasuke. To his defense, he couldn’t remember staring that much, so it probably wasn’t long. He’d woken up because of Urushi’s bark, deep and loud, which he was eternally grateful for, because he only had a few seconds to wipe the sleepiness off, and shake Sasuke awake before Kakashi crawled out of the tent. The look that Sasuke’s dad had given them made Naruto wished the Earth would open up and swallow  _ both _ of them whole. Of course, on the ride back, he’d been too tired to stay awake, and even if he hadn’t been asleep, it’s not like he was going to bring up anything with Sasuke. There was nothing to bring up, of course, obviously. Obviously, not. He knew Sasuke was just been an asshole for actually showing up and letting him pull his shirt up--at least he hadn’t taken it off. 

But who was he to complain about anything? After he caused Sasuke’s anxiety attack, he’d take any kind of company that Sasuke wanted to offer up, regardless of intentions. Even if it was just to play a convulated game of...gay chicken? Yup. Yup. That’s all it was. Coming down from that was going to suck, but it was okay. 

“Well, it is Monday, have to start the week out right.” Sasuke looked completly mortified, but his voice was steady.

“True,” his dad said, looking at him like a Dad, and Naruto hoped with all his might that Kakashi had never looked like that at Sasuke and thereby, he would not recognized that look. “I’m off to work, I’ll see you guys later. Naruto, drive safely.”

Naruto gave a quick nod, letting out a sigh when the door closed. They remained frozen on the spot until the front door closed, and opened quickly. When he heard his dad’s car driving off, he turned to look at Sasuke, crossing his arms, “I hope the stripping is worth it, Sasuke.”

Sasuke fixed a look, and Naruto was convinced that he’d won it, but then, a smirk appeared on his face, and slipped his shirt off. “Aren’t you going to get ready for school, Naruto?”

Fuck. Naruto wasn’t losing. Nope. Nope. “I can’t believe you woke me up for this--” 

“I didn’t wake you up,” Sasuke said. “I mean, I did. But it’s Monday, and we do have school.”

“We could just not go,” Naruto said. He couldn’t decide if it was worth to fix his eyes on Sasuke’s face, or let them roam, so he settled for staring at the wall. “I know for a fact that you still haven’t gone downtown.”

Sasuke chuckled, “sure, yeah, of course. I mean, my back’s just finished healing, and I miss the constant pain from the bruises so much that I’m absolutely eager to give my dad another reason to hit me again.”

Naruto drew in a sharp breath, looking at him. He promised his dad, but--no. No. He promised his dad. He cleared his throat, “nevermind, then.” He slipped his shirt off, biting back a half-hearted grin at the blush spreading across Sasuke’s cheeks. “We should get going.” He headed for his closet, taking out the last of his clean uniform shirts, slipping it on. He grabbed his pants, slipping out of his pajamas--

“What are you doing?”

Naruto bit down on his lip to supress the laugh, turning around. Sasuke’s shirt was on again, the collar all the way up to his neck. “We change in front of each other, in fact, in front of a lot of other guys in the locker rooms. What do you think I’m doing?”

Sasuke faced the wall, “nothing.”

Naruto finished getting ready, impressed that Sasuke didn’t move a single muscle. “Did you eat already?”

“I--there’s an egg sandwich in my backpack.”

“Aw, for me?” Naruto grinned, glancing at the backpack, hoping his teasing hid the happiness. He heard a mumbled word that sounded awful lot like shut up, but he let it go. “You can turn around, you know.”

The sandwich was actually delicious, it was gone in five bites, before they even reached the end of the street. 

“Naruto?” Sasuke ventured at the first stop light. 

“Yeah?”

“I was joking about what I said about my dad hitting me.”

Naruto glanced at him, trying not to frown. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Sasuke. I--I promised my dad I wasn’t going to talk about anything, or think about, I don’t--it’s not because he’d take my car away, by the way, it’s because you panicked, and I panicked, and dad said Ka--Mr. Hatake is a good man, and I promised I wasn’t going to think about anything anymore.” He turned back to the road when the light turned green. “But I am glad you were joking.”

“Mr. Uzumaki told me,” Sasuke said. “He said you didn’t want to know who real dad is, which...obviously, I believed him, but that’s kind of unbeliable.” 

Naruto shook his head, “I’m not causing you another anxiety attack--” 

“It wasn’t.”

He would have argued, but that might have gone against the whole idea of not causing an attack, so he just nodded, taking a small breath. But, but, well. “Wasn’t it, though?” 

Sasuke kept quiet until the car was parked. “I guess. Thanks.”

Naruto was a little surprised at the acceptance, as small as it was, considering how much Sasuke tended to lie about things that made him hurt. “Not a problem.”

They got out of the car, heading in different directions for their lockers. The bell rang. And he felt a hand sneaking on his back, pulling his shirt up. He heard someone that sounded an awful lot like Karin saying to get a room. He turned around, staring directly at Sasuke. From the corner of his vision, he spotted his cousin’s red hair. ”What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Sasuke replied with a small shrug. “Ready for calculus.”

Fine. If that’s how he wanted to play it. 


	10. Chapter 10

By the end of seventh period, most of their classmates believed Sasuke and him were a thing, and to his complete surprise, Sasuke never batted an eye nor tried to dissuade that rumor. Which was--rather impressive. Naruto had never been in such a prolonged game of gay chicken, that...incidently he didn’t want it to end. 

He couldn’t blame his classmates, of course. It started with Ino, he was pretty sure. Ino sat two chairs to his left in first period, and Naruto knew that her eyes always watched everything except the board. And Naruto had wanted to get back at Sasuke for sneaking up on him before class. So he reached across his desk, and began rubbing his shoulders, feeling the muscles tense up, only to relax a few seconds later. A minute later, the bastard actually leaned back on the chair. 

Second period, Sasuke initiated a game of footsies, and Naruto was co-captain of the soccer team, so losing was absolutely not an option. It went onto fourth period, when Sasuke conceded defeat. They ended up behind the bleachers at lunch. It was nice. Obviously, nothing happened, of course not, they were at school--but evidently,  _ other _ people thought something happened. But in fact, Sasuke had just fallen asleep and used Naruto as a pillow. 

During English, they actually got moved across the room from each other because they were too much of a distraction, and Naruto felt just a tiny bit bad that Sasuke’s face was as bright as a tomato as he moved across the room. And then, Kaka--Mr. Hatake’s class. Was. Was. Nothing to write home about, the movie they were watching was boring, and Naruto could feel everyone’s eyes on them. He was sure that if Mr. Hatake had given out a pop quiz on the film, the entire class would have failed. Except maybe Sasuke. 

They were running through drills in the field, when Kiba ran up to him. “Like I said, I  _ do _ expect your first born to be named after me.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, grateful that Sasuke was on the other side of the field with the other two strikers, trying to score goals on Neji. “We’re just playing--” 

“Wow.” Kiba chuckled, patting his shoulder, “you keep telling yourself that.”

“I’m serious!” Naruto sighed. “Over the weekend, we got into a game of gay chicken, and the bastard refuses to lose. And, obviously, I mean, I’m not losing either, so.”

Kiba covered his mouth. “Right. Well, you guys keep having fun, but just remember, first born.”

Naruto threw the ball at him, doing his best to concentrate and forget about Sasuke. He was only partially successful, but at least, by the end of practice, he had convinced himself that he needed to talk to him. 

“You need a ride back?” Naruto asked, when once again, they found themselves alone in the locker room. He was pretty sure that the team had done that on purpose, for which he was grateful. 

Sasuke sat down on a bench. “I don’t know.”

Naruto frowned. “What do you mean?”

Sasuke looked like he wanted to say something, but shook his head, “nothing.”

He took a seat next to him, “are you sure? I don’t mind giving you a ride.”

Sasuke shook his head, “no. No. Dad’s waiting for me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Naruto nodded, trying to hide the worry--not again, not again, not again. For what? Compared to the other classes, they had been decent and respectful in chemistry--but, well, teachers probably talked as much as students. But, well, Mr. Hatake did say he wouldn’t care if they were boyfriends. “Should I leave my window open tomorrow?”

Sasuke nodded. “Of course.” He walked to the door, halting, “what do you want for breakfast?”

Naruto did his best to ignore the feelings mixing in his stomach. “Pancakes?”

With a nod, Sasuke left the locker room. 

Naruto stayed there for a good twenty minutes, counting to one hundred fifteen times to distract his brain from Sasuke’s words. He would not. He would not. He could not go there. He made his dad a promise. Last time he went down that rabbit hole, he’d become obsessed, and he’d  _ caused _ Sasuke an anxiety, or panic, attack, or whatever it was--he’d made him cry. He was not going down that hole again. It was fine. He grabbed his bag, and ran out of the locker room, not stopping until he climbed inside his car. He would not. He could not. He started the car and headed to Karin’s house. 

Sakura opened the door, giving him a tight hug. Naruto returned it, tightly; he missed her so much, even if he hadn’t expected to see her there. They didn’t spend as much time together now, which was fine, but--he let her go. “Is Karin here?”

“Of course she is, she lives here,” Sakura replied. “She’s just taking a shower right now. Are you okay?”

Naruto took her hand and dragged her to the couch. “I just need to talk to her.”

“Ouch.”

Naruto glanced at her. “It’s not that, nevermind--I just, okay,” he shifted to face her. “You heard about stuff today, didn’t you?” When she nodded, a small smile on her lips, he continued, “I’m pretty sure it’s a game, but I’m kinda bummed out that it is, and I don’t know what to do.” Granted, that wasn’t the only reason he came here. That wasn’t even the reason he came. But Sakura didn’t need to know that he really only needed to talk to his cousin about those cameras--to--to get rid of them, obviously. He didn’t need that temptation in his life, and if, by some miracle, it wasn’t just a stupid game, then Sasuke couldn’t find out. 

“A game?” Sakura asked. “Are you sure? I mean...Ino said that you were giving him a back massage, and Serena definietly saw you two playing footsie. I mean, I saw you walking together to the bleachers at lunch, you didn’t even hear Lee asking if you wanted to come to the mall with us.”

Lee had asked that? He couldn’t remember that at all, he had been a little busy, he supposed. Naruto smiled a little at that. “He took a nap. I woke him up when it was time to go back to class...he’s been sleeping a lot...” he trailed off. It was the second time in less than a week that Sasuke used him as a pillow, and--and he didn’t mind one bit. 

“You know how much he’s been sleeping?”

Naruto understood the question for what it was: light teasing. “We’re practically next door neighbors, Sakura--” 

“And you can see through walls now?”

Naruto just shook his head, glancing away a little guiltily. He had been trying to spy on him, not with Xray vision, but it was the same principle. “How long has she been in the shower?”

Sakura squeezed his shoulder, getting more comfortable in the couch. “She just got in. We were going to watch a movie afterwards. And then plan the Halloween party,” she glanced at him. “Why don’t you invite Sasuke?”

Naruto almost laughed. No matter how nice Kakashi was, he doubted that he would let Sasuke come to a party--after all, he had grounded him for two weeks for...some reason...that--no, no. Absolutely not going down that hole. “I don’t think he’ll want to come.”

“Doesn’t hurt to ask, right?”

Naruto bit back a sigh. It was a nice sentiment, but he knew, that of course, it was going to hurt--true, it wouldn’t hurt to  _ ask _ , but it would hurt to hear the absolute  _ no _ . He placed a smile on his face, “no. I supposed not. Where is it going to be?”

Sasuke straightened up. “My house! Mom and dad are visitng my grandparents, and they said I could invite some of my close friends. Ino is coming, and she’s bringing a couple of her close friends.”

The smile turned a little more genuine now, felt more relaxed. “Do your parents know how devious you’ve become?”

Sakura just shrugged, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I’m a good enough kid to be able to have a few parties at my house. They won’t care as long as it’s cleaned up by the time that they come back. Especially in Halloween, I’m just lucky everything lined up. They won’t even know that there was a party.”

Wild. How some parents trusted their kids no matter what, and how some parents, adopted or not, refused to grant their kids some freedom, even with perfectly good behavior. “What are you guys dressing up as?”

“We haven’t decided. I don’t know, I kind of want to go as red riding hood, but that would make her the wolf, and she says she’s too cute to be a wolf, even though, of course, wolves are adorable, and she wants us to go as a doctor and her patient, but that has a lot of sexual undertones that as a future doctor, I’m not entirely comfortable with, plus, everyone looks cute in dog ears!”

Naruto cleared his throat, “maybe you can go as red riding hood and she can go as a patient.”

“Don’t be riddiculous, Naruto, the best part about not being single is able to have a couple costume for Halloween. It’s just most of them are for a girl and a guy, so...” she sighed. “Anyway, you and Sasuke can probably dress up as--” 

“Sasuke and I are not a couple--” 

“But you like him--” 

If he hadn’t known Sakura for his entire life, he would have tried to argue with her, but he did know better; plus, she wasn’t strictly wrong. “But I don’t know if he likes me.” 

Sakura patted his knee, “that’s why you ask him. You guys are practically next door neighbor’s, aren’t you?”

With a sigh, he stood up. “Can you tell Karin to give me a call later? She’s taking forever, and I know she’ll take forever and I have to--” 

“Go confess your love to Sasuke?”

Naruto did his best not to glare. He was not. He actually was not. He was just going to go home and do his homework, maybe watch some stupid show, or play video games. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sakura,” he gave her a quick hug, before leaving, doing his best to focus on the road and not think about anything else. 

He stared at his calculus homework for about two hours before giving in and calling Sasuke. For homework help, obviously, not for whatever Sakura had suggested. He picked up after the third ring. “Hey. Are you busy?”

Sasuke cleared his throat, “kinda, I’m supposed to be practicing the piano. Why?”

“Oh.” Naruto looked down at his homework. He realized he’d been the idiot who switched into the class, but it had been for a good cause. “I just had some questions on the calc homework, and I was wondering if you’d be able to...point me in the right direction.”

“Oh. Yeah, just come over--” 

“Wait, really? Didn’t you just say that you had to practice?”

Sasuke chuckled, “yeah, and you just gave me a great excuse not to...wait, hold on.” Sasuke was gone for about two minutes, “uh, dad says I have to practice, but you can come over still, you’re just going to have to seat next to me.”

Naruto flopped on his bed. “Are--are you sure? I mean, the homework is not due until Wednesday, I have time--” 

“You know what happens when people procrastinate, Naruto? They become overwhelmed, develop anxiety, and then fail everything. Just come over, your GPA can’t drop, or you’ll be kicked off the team.”

“Are you sure?”

“ _ Yes _ . Stop being an...a shy person.”

Naruto chuckled. How did Sasuke go from almost saying idiot to shy person? That was...the most riddiculous thing he’d ever heard. It’s not like he hadn’t been calling him an idiot lately, so it really begged the question of--of--Mr. Hatake was there. Of course. No more questions, then. “Okay, thanks. I’ll be right over.”

After hanging up, he grabbed all his stuff, and headed out the door. Sasuke opened the door after only one knock, which made Naruto think that maybe he’d been hovering over the door, but was sure not to mention anything. He followed him to the living room, seating down on the bench at the piano, where Sasuke indicated. 

Naruto didn’t know how Sasuke did it, but he played--rather great, actually--and helped him with homework, not exactly giving him the answers, but walking him through the problems with more patience than Naruto would have thought possible, or expected--especially, considering that at least half of his attention was on the music book in front of him. 

Kakashi was sitting on the couch by the piano, rubbing Urushi’s belly with his foot, while he read the newspaper. Naruto wasn’t sure people even did that anymore, but he supposed that old people did. The internet was so much faster. He flipped it closed, before turning to look at them, Sasuke stopped playing immediately, like he knew he was being stared at. 

“When are you guys going to work on my project?”

Naruto waited for a moment, to see whether Sasuke would answer, but he never did, his attention still fixed on the music sheet. “It is due at the end of the semester.”

Kakashi hummed, “you know what they say when people procrastinate. They become overwhelmed, develop anxiety, and then fail everything. There is a reason why you guys have so long to work on it.”

That all seemed like rather reasonable pointers, but Naruto just wanted to stuck his tongue out at him. He resisted the urge and turned to Sasuke, who begun playing again. “We can start on it tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Sasuke replied, pausing and pointing at the homework. Naruto had been looking at that problem for about five minutes. “You forgot the negative sign,” he said. “You do that a lot. You copy the problem too fast and forget to check if you copied it right and you usually don’t, maybe you just shouldn’t copy it in the first place...” he trailed off, mumbling something to himself that Naruto couldn’t hear, but didn’t look like it was an insult.

He was right though. Naruto added the negative sign and with a sigh, erased all of his work. Through the night, Sasuke caught another ten careless errors, another missing negative sign, three fractions flipped, and six missing apostrophes that Naruto couldn’t care less about, but Sasuke insisted they were important notations to indicate which derivative it was. Naruto wasn’t even convinced that the first derivative even existed in the real world. But he got through the homework and managed not to have Sasuke yell at him--not that he thought he would, of course, but even the most patient person in the world would have wanted to stabbed him at one point. After thanking him, he headed home.

He fell asleep with his chemistry textbook over his head, only to wake up because of a knock. Morning already, uh? He winced as the textbook landed on his lap once he stood up, easily forgetting about the pain as soon as his eyes landed on his balcony. Sasuke was standing there, his backpack hung over his shoulder. Naruto was pretty sure he left the window just so he wouldn’t have to get up ten minutes--oh, no, thirty minutes earlier. 

He crawled out of bed, soon watching Sasuke enter his room. “You know,” Naruto began, “I did leave it open, so I wouldn’t have to get up.”

Sasuke glanced at him, before rummaging through his backpack, “would you have preferred it if I just came in like a creep?”

Naruto stared at him. His backpack couldn’t be that big, but he looked like he was trying to find the center of the Earth in it. “ _ Yes _ .”

“Fine, next time, I’ll just get in bed while you’re still sleeping,” Sasuke replied, his tone laced with a cockiness that Naruto hadn’t really ever heard from him. 

“Be my guest,” he replied, straight-faced and headed back to his beautiful, warm bed. Maybe if he fell asleep now, he could get some minutes in before he actually needed to wake up to go to school. He felt the bed dip, and then felt a tap on his shoulder. And then another one, equally delicate as the first one. “Um?”

“Pancakes,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto sat up, blinking at the stack of pancakes that Sasuke was holding, cut up strawberries and bananas on the side, maple syrup on his other hand. “Wow. What am I going to do when you decide that you prefer rides from your dad?”

“Die from hunger, probably,” Sasuke replied. 

“You say that as if I’m not capable of making myself breakfast--” 

“When was the last time you ate pancakes on a weekday?”

Naruto looked down. Point taken. He couldn’t remember pancakes, let alone  _ warm _ pancakes, like Sasuke had just made them. Geesh, at the rate they were going, he really was going to lose the game, he needed to step it up. Maybe he’ll buy him flowers or something, red roses, to match the coloring on his face as soon as he saw them. Yeah, yeah, he could do that. Get on one knee and everything. “I think the better question is when was the last time that you slept? You look like a raccoon.” 

Sasuke rubbed his eyes, “Urushi’s a little sick, he kept me and dad up the whole night to take him out to the bathroom, I keep telling him we should get a doggy door, but he doesn’t want to, and--well, I guess Urushi wouldn’t use it. Pretty sure he’s scared of the dark.”

Naruto really needed to work on believing him. He had to. Although--well, they went camping together and his dog didn’t look scared of the dark, then--but no. No. He was believing him. “I heard dogs feel better with rice and pumpkin.”

“We left him with some. I was going to make you pumpkin pancakes, but I wasn’t sure if you liked it, so,” Sasuke shrugged. 

Naruto desperately tried not to think about Sasuke specifically making breakfast for him. What kind of dedication to a stupid game was that? He smiled, “this are great already. And plus, I don’t want to be too into pumpkin, especially with Halloween coming up.” He finished the last piece, before glancing at his clock. Still too early, but with the food in his stomach, he wasn’t going to fall asleep again. “Are you doing anything that night?” He asked as he slipped his shirt off. 

“No.” Sasuke cleared his throat, “I don’t like Halloween.”

“You really are a scaredy-cat, aren’t you?”

“Why would anyone like a night when strangers can come up to your door, sometimes wearing masks to hide their identity, and you’re supposed to open it, without even asking who it is?” Sasuke cleared his throat, “it’s really a wonder that more people don’t get killed on Halloween...”

Naruto chuckled as he grabbed a school’s sweater. He really needed to do laundry, he was just lucky that it was starting to get a little colder--if he was lucky, it wouldn’t be scorching hot by the afternoon, he couldn’t actually be shirtless for sixth and seventh. “I think that has to do with the fact that the people coming up to your door are  _ kids _ .”

“So what? Thieves, kidnappers, or murderers, and actually all three of them, could have kidnapped those kids and then forced them to go trick or treating in a costume  _ hiding their face _ , so they could rob, or kidnap, or murder other people.”

Sasuke must have a wild imagination--either that, or he’d seen an extremely scary and fucked up movie as a kid that traumatized him enough to believe such nonsense. “Okay, well, so you don’t have to worry about little kids helping people attempt to kidnap or murder you,” Naruto said, blinking at the words he was forced to say so early in the morning, “do you want to come to a Halloween party? It’s usually in Ino’s house, but it’s happening at Sakura’s this time. It’s usually fun.”

Sasuke kept quiet for awhile, but Naruto figured that it was because he took his pants off, and he had to scramble to look at a wall, just like yesterday. “I don’t know. I’ll ask.”

There was the resolute  _ no _ . And he’d been right, it stung. “Just let me know,” he said, “also, you can turn around, now,” he said, finding that Sasuke had, actually just turned to face the wall, just like yesterday. Naruto couldn’t tell if that was a point for himself. It should be. 

Sasuke did, keeping his face down as he put the empty plate and maple syrup bottle back in his backpack. “Are we going?”

“You’re such a nerd,” Naruto replied, lifting Sasuke’s shirt up as he walked passed him. He squinted to try to find any residue of a bruise, but couldn’t find anything. He let go when he heard his parents’ door opening. 

\----------

Naruto woke up with a tingled on his lips, his eyes snapping open and scanning the room, confirming that he was alone, about two hours before Sasuke tended to wake him up, because even though he’d told him days ago that he could just come in, Sasuke refused to do so, just always knocking. The first day he knocked after the invitation, Naruto had felt so ecstatic that he didn’t even grumble when he had to get up. That day, Sasuke had brought him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to which Naruto had  _ joked _ about how he had to step it up, or he would just drop him off two blocks from school, at which point Sasuke lost the shirt and pants, a stupid, stupid smirk on his face as he asked him if he had stepped it up enough. At which point, Naruto’s face felt like someone had dipped it in lava, and he promptly nodded, ignoring the induced chuckle from Sasuke, as he stepped back. 

Of course, by the time the bell had rung that day, he’d been planning his revenge for about eight hours, so when they were out in the field, he had the crazy idea of just confronting him in a very public setting, to really add to the sweet victory, which--Sasuke was supposed to have bailed, not--

Naruto wiped his mouth. This whole thing was riddiculous. Who in their--? Who wouldn’t have stepped back? And why hadn’t he stepped back? It was...he needed to talk to him. It was insane. The whole school knew about it by the next day, and Sasuke, the little bastard, had actually--not that he hadn’t stopped playing either, but--

Things were out of hand. They had been getting out of hand for awhile, obviously. But--but he needed to talk to him. He was changed and out the door in five minutes, heading over to Sasuke’s house. 

There was a bark from behind him. Urushi. He turned around, blinking as Sasuke slowed down, until he was standing in front of him. His cheeks and nose were a shade of red, and his hair was sticking to his forehead. It was Saturday, it was barely 6 in the morning, what in the world was he doing already done with his morning run?

“What...are you doing awake so early?” He asked, hoarsed. Clearly dehydrated. 

Naruto crossed his arms, “funny, I was just going to ask you that.”

“Running,” Sasuke said, the  _ duh _ clearly implied. 

Which Naruto didn’t appreciate because--several reasons, actually. Mostly because it was still dark outside, and he knew Sasuke’s runs were about an hour, and an hour ago, it must have been even darker. Also, it was  _ Saturday _ no one should be awake that early in the morning, unless they were forced, which--which, no. He promised his dad. Of course they had been...acting kind of distractedly in chemistry, and it’s not like Kakashi could--no. No. He could have sent them to detention, but he didn’t. Sasuke was probably crazy enough to run before dawn. That had to be it.

Naruto shook his head, “I need to talk to you, I was just going to go and...and talk to you.”

“At my house?”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, “yup, except not quite that squeaky.”

Sasuke cleared his throat. “Let me drop off Urushi and I’ll meet you--” 

“At your house?” Naruto asked, staring at Sasuke. He looked like he was doing his best not to squirm. “Because we can just walk there, we’re literally a house away.”

“We’re a house away from your house too.”

“Yeah, but I’m already outside. And I beat you to it,” Naruto replied, turning around, only managing one step before his collar was held back. 

“Don’t.” Sasuke sighed, “I’m fine with talking, just not in there.” The  _ please _ was also left unsaid. 

Sighing, Naruto shrugged his hand off, “fine. Hurry up, or I really am going to show up at your door.” He petted Urushi, before walking back to his house. He didn’t get the big deal, because--well, Sasuke been rubbing his knee in seventh period yesterday, and Naruto had planted a kiss on his forehead, and Sasuke had gone a little higher. Not too high. But--but all of that, in front of Kakashi, and suddenly he didn’t want to talk in his house? It made no sense. Absolutely no fucking sense. 

But then again, when had things made sense when it involved Sasuke?

He locked his bedroom door, not too keen on his parents walking in on--whatever was going to happen. He was making his bed when he heard the faintest tap on the glass. More than ten minutes couldn’t have possibly past since they met in the street, but somehow, Sasuke’s hair was wet, obviously from a shower. Naruto let him in, not even pointing out that it was open. 

“You know, when it starts raining, you’re going to have to go through the front door,” Naruto said, sitting down on his bed, decidedly not inviting him to sit down too. He realized he was being completely illogical, but...but well, he started showing up on his balcony on a--on a dare, or something, but Naruto couldn’t show up and knock on his front door?  _ Really _ ? 

“I’m not going to fall down, that’s stupid.”

Naruto cover the spot on his bed next to him with his hand, preventing Sasuke from sitting down. But then, he looked so downtrodden--much more than he really should, that Naruto immediately pulled him down on the bed. “Sorry. That was uneccesary. It’s just--I don’t know what--you’re a lot more stubborn than anyone gives you credit!”

Sasuke glanced away, turning his face to the wall, but not fast enough to stop him from seeing the faintest blush emerging across his cheeks. “Well--so are you!”

“Literally, everyone knows I’m a stubborn bullheaded person, Sasuke, I’m pretty sure you know that too, but you--you,” he groaned and fell down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, “you come off so nice and so polite that I didn’t think you were. Urg.”

The bed shifted a little. “I--I’m usually not this stubborn, I mean, sometimes, with my dad, but--well, you could have backed out!”

“And let you win?”

“Win what?”

Naruto groaned and threw a pillow at him, “you know what. I don’t know.” He shouldn’t have been surprised when the pillow hit him right back, but he was--what happened to the polite teen he’d met a few months back? 

“Sorry.”

Oh. Maybe there he was. Naruto let the pillow fall on the ground, and covered his eyes with his arm, “I just.” When he was little all his classmates thought his dad was the bravest. And Naruto had wanted to be just like his dad, made some bad judgment calls confusing bravery with stupidity and he never quite managed to feel brave, but. But he didn’t think he was a coward. Not that much, at least. Not this much. His heart was hammering, but--but he could do this. He took a deep breath. Another one. “I just actually like you and I don’t--don’t want you to get the wrong impression that I’m just--” 

“You can stop emberassing yourself, Naruto.”

His heart stopped. His wrist was grabbed, but he would really rather not move his arm away from his face. Really. 

“I  _ know _ you like me. Anyone with eyes could have told me that. I told you, I’m hot.”

Nevermind, his arm would be better preoccupied reaching for the pillow. He grabbed it, sat up, and hit him on the back of his head, as hard as he could without feeling guilty about it, “you’re an asshole.”

Sasuke wrestled the pillow from him, “well, you’re an  _ idiot _ . What? Do you think I act around that with people I don’t like? Do you really think I go around climbing into everyone’s balcony and stripping in front of them? You’re such a dumbass, it’s really a wonder you haven’t failed more tests yet.”

It sounded like Sasuke was insulting him, but...he snatched the pillow back. “Fine! We both like each other.” His face was on fire, “so why didn’t you say anything before?”

Sasuke shrugged, looking down for a second, before smirking up at him, “just trying to figure out how much of a dumbass you really are.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “You’re an actual asshole, I cannot believe you were serious about letting loose a demon if you weren’t grounded.”

“I did warn you.”

Naruto grabbed his shirt and pulled him back, until they were both laying on the bed. It was surprisingly easy. “Fine. Can you just go out on a proper date with me?” He couldn’t believe how many steps they skipped without having a date.

“Depends,” Sasuke said, turning on his side. Fuck, Naruto was never going to burn the image from his mind. He stared up at the ceiling. “Where are you planning on taking me?”

Naruto kept quiet, as he considered his options. Sasuke must have gotten bored with the silence because he started trailing a finger on his stomach--who would have guessed he was so handsy? He really was an idiot. And Sasuke really was an asshole. “You really haven’t gone downtown, have you?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Just to buy groceries.”

“How long ago did you move here?”

The finger stopped. “I’m a busy person!”

Naruto knew that. He wasn’t sure how Sasuke was laying there still. “Well, we can just go to the movies. You strip, I’ll drive and buy the snacks,” he joked.

Sasuke chuckled, “I thought you said you were against prostitution. But fine. Nothing scary, though.”

“It’s almost Halloween, the movies are oversaturated with scary crap right now,” he pointed out, rather reasonably. “But fine, no scary movies. As long as you go to the Halloween party with me.”

“I--I told you I’d ask.”

Uh. Naruto had kind of assumed he’d been joking when he said that. “And did you?”

Sasuke sighed, glancing away, “not yet. Dad’s been a little overwhelmed with work, so I’m waiting for the right opportunity.”

Naruto nodded. He would not go down that rabbit hole, he would not, no matter how much things were just begging him to--Sasuke couldn’t possibly...no. Not going down there. Nope. Nope. Nope. “Okay--” 

“But, I’m pretty sure he will,” Sasuke said, hurriedly. “But, I--” he sat up. “Listen, if this is happening, I need to keep some things straight.”

Naruto sat up, “I’m listening.”

Sasuke took a breath deep enough for his back to expand. “First, if you’re going to text or call me, you can only talk about homework, and you can’t say anything...else that anyone could ever interpret as anything other than schoolwork. Second, you can’t ever show up to my house unnanounced. And third, you can’t put anything with--with my face, or your face, or our faces, or anything that might suggest anything online.”

Why--why had he made that stupid promise to his dad? Once Sasuke was gone, Naruto would lament that much more, because, honestly, who would have such riddiculous demands if they weren’t hiding something? Which would make sense, and he got it, really. Some parents weren’t okay with certain “lifestyles” or whatever the fuck they called it, but--but Sasuke hadn’t even batted an eye when Naruto kissed his temple in chemistry, in front of his dad, so clearly, Kakashi was not that against it. Unless, his  _ real _ parents had something against it, which--he had just assumed that Kakashi not being his real dad was just an adopted case, but--but he had said told him that when he’d been telling him he’d been right about...about the beating, which, maybe--maybe, he should stop.

Naruto reached over, trying to stop his hand from shaking as he lifted Sasuke’s shirt off, his eyes not missing the way his muscles tensed up. But there was nothing. Not even the old bruises that had marked him for the past few weeks. He let go of the shirt. “Why?”

Sasuke sighed. “It’s complicated.”

He promised his dad. He promised his dad. He promised his dad. Naruto cleared his throat, “fine.” Amazing what one single word could do to relax Sasuke. He almost felt bad for continuing, “but can I add some things?” At least he asked. At his nod, Naruto continued, “if you’re ever hurt like you were hurt, you let me help you. I simply refuse to believe that you’re flexible enough to properly put cream on your back.”

Sasuke didn’t move for a long time. And then he nodded his head, “fine. But only if you don’t tell anyone, except, I guess your dad, since you can’t keep your mouth shut.”

“Fine,” Naruto said. He’d never actually had a--dated anyone before, but he didn’t think people generally set boundaries so clearly, but confusedly stated, before even going on the first date. But it was okay. “In that case, let me know when you do want to go see a movie.”

Sasuke nodded, and stood up. “I should get going.” 

“Did you tell your dad you were coming?”

Sasuke shrugged, “I told him I was going to do some sprinting drills around the neighborhood.” 

Why did he promise his dad? Naruto was going to spend the rest of the day banging his head against the wall. “Oh. After taking a shower?”

“I don’t think he believed me,” he shrugged. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yup,” Naruto said. And Sasuke left. And Naruto was too much of an idiot to ask for an actual kiss. 

\-----------

“I have something for you,” Sasuke said, as he entered his bedroom. 

“Breakfast, I hope,” Naruto replied, closing the balcony door. He dragged Sasuke to his bed, sitting down on the edge as he watched him rummaged through his backpack. And trying to keep himself from asking why he was so early on a  _ Saturday _ morning. Sasuke handed him a tuppowerware, with what looked to be a bacon omelette. “What’s up?”

“Couple of things, actually.”

Naruto glanced up, alarmed. Besides the dark circles that had become part of his face, he didn’t look...bad. “Okay...”

“First, Kaka--dad,” he sighed. “Wants to know if you can ask your dad if they can meet, and before you ask, no, I don’t know why, he asked me yesterday. It sounded kinda urgent, to be perfectly honest. I realize your dad’s probably alseep right now, but if you can let me know, in person, don’t text or call, that’ll be awesome,” Sasuke said, sounding a little frustrated. “Second, he says that he’ll let me go to that Halloween party if you promise that you won’t spy on them, or try to eavesdrop, or anything like that. Third,” Sasuke took a large, white binder out of his backpack. “I got you this. I thought maybe it’ll help you with calculus.”

There were so many questions in his mind, but Naruto figured he could focus on the monstrous binder. He opened it, looking at it. They looked like a bunch of problems. Some of them were half written in red ink, and some of them had little boxes with texts next to them. He flipped to another page, it had what looked like textbook print, with little boxes around some of the margins, one of them clearly stated  _ DON’T FORGET THE NEGATIVE SIGN _ . The pages reminded him of the calculus textbook, except it had tiny annotations on the margins, some of the text words were underlined, and there were random stars and exclamation points after sentences. 

“Did you...”

“It’s not that useful, honestly, but it’s stupid if you get stuck in a problem just because you forgot a negative sign, right? There’s stars are mostly for me, I think those ones are going to give you trouble, and I got annoyed with the textbook writers, so I just had to fix some of their sentences.”

Naruto closed the binder. “How long did it take you?”

“Not much. Doesn’t take much to improve trash, right?”

Sasuke really was an awful liar. They’ll have to work on improving that. It had to have taken at least a good...he didn’t even want to think. Just rewriting the problems with different color ink had to have taken at least 48 hours. He knew how awful it was to write formulas in a word processor. He set the binder next to him, swallowing the sappy words. Neither of them were ready for that. “Thanks. You’re such a nerd.”

A smile flashed for a milisecond, before disappearing. “So is that a yes to not eavesdropping? Or doing anything skeychy like that?” 

Naruto nodded. “I told you, and your dad, I don’t wnat to know anything about anything at all. Ever.” Those words hurt. Well-- _ why _ would Kakashi want to talk with his dad? He couldn’t think about any good reasons, all of them were suspicious, except maybe if the man was being a troll and talking about their sons’ wedding or something equally riddiculous. But he doubted  _ that _ was the case. 

Sasuke nodded. It must have been Naruto’s imagination, but for a second, he looked a little sad. “Great, oh, also, dad can’t really meet on the weekends, so it’ll have to be a night on a weekday, but he says he’s not picky which one it is, as long as it’s soon. He said preferably this week--” 

“Kakashi does know we live less than five minutes away walking, right?”

Sasuke shrugged, “he’s a busy person. He says your dad is too. Showing up randomly is, accordingly, not something that adults do in the adult world. Anyway, I really should be going, sorry I woke you up so early.”

“Wait,” Naruto said, holding his shirt so that he wouldn’t get up. “Are you seriously telling me that you woke me up this early on Saturday and you’re not even going to stay longer?” Just to drive the point home, he pulled Sasuke back until he was laying down. 

“Dad got stuck doing the Saturday detention and he dropped me off on his way there.”

“Right, so what do you have planned for the rest of the day?”

Sasuke sighed, “I’m actually hoping I’ll catch up on some sleep, maybe, although, I really should be cleaning the house...it’s such a mess. And I have a shift at the shelter later today. I was going to take some of the dogs on a walk, although, they did get kittens on Thursday and they might need some help socializing them...I don’t know,” he shook his head. 

Sasuke made him exhausted. He glanced at the binder, and then considered the list of responsabilities he just listed, which--their house was extremely clean, it almost looked like no one lived there. “You can catch up on sleep here,” he said after a moment. “My bed’s comfortable, and you’re already laying on it.” He stood up walking to his drawers and pulling out pajamas. He tossed them at Sasuke, biting back a laugh when it landed on his face. “There, you even have pjs now.”

Sasuke sat up, staring at them. “They’re orange.”

“Very observant.”

He raised an eyebrow at him, “they’re orange with tiny, bright green frogs on them. Are you sure anyone can get any sleep wearing this?”

“They’re my lucky pjs!”

“ _ Why _ do you need lucky pajamas?” Sasuke asked, smiling softly. 

“Sometimes, I have bad dreams, but I never do when I wear them,” he huffed. “Just put them on, Sasuke.”

To his complete surprise, Sasuke actually did. He put them on, grabbed his favorite pillow, and was out before he could wish him good night. After a moment, Naruto grabbed the considerably less comfortable pillow and less fuzzy blankets and settled on the floor. 


	11. Chapter 11

Naruto couldn’t find Sasuke. The first time in  _ weeks _ , he didn’t knock on his window in the morning, didn’t bring him breakfast, didn’t ride with him to school. He wasn’t there first period, second period--during break, he headed to Kakashi’s room, only to find a short substitude wearing glasses in his place. 

He was walking out of the classroom when he found someone jumping on him. For a brief second, he thought it was Sasuke, but Sasuke would have never done that. It was Kiba. “I’m really not in the mood,” he said. 

“You’re a little hungover too?”

Naruto shook his head, “I was the designated driver, you asshole.” 

“Uh, I don’t remember.”

“I know. Because you were drunk,” he said. They walked past Ino and Sakura, wearing dark sunglasses. He glared at them, promising that he would never ever allow a game of bottle again. It was a wonder why the entire Junior class had not been called to the principal’s office. “You guys were all drunk.”

Including Sasuke, who hadn’t explicitly said it, but Naruto was sure that it was his first time drinking, so he was comfortable writing his absence off as a result of a severe hangover. It was fine. It happened. He didn’t have to say it, of course, Naruto knew what a tight ship Kakashi ran--or whoever--whoever ran it. Of course, he would have expected whoever bossed Sasuke around to send him to school, for punishment, but maybe they grew a heart and let him sleep it off.

“I don’t remember fuck.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, “clearly.” He wished he couldn’t remember anything--not Sasuke drunk off his ass, not being a---he gritted his teeth. “I can see practice will be a blast today.”

Kiba groaned. Loudly. “We should have waited until the weekend.”

“But then it wouldn’t have been Halloween,” Naruto said, watching as his cousin dragged her feet across the hallway, dry heaving. He loved her, but she kind of deserved it. “And Sakura’s parents would have been back.” Which might not have been that bad of an idea, parental supervision could have prevented a few things. 

“Yeah, but we wouldn’t have to be in school, might just skip practice.”

Naruto halted, turning to look at him. “You guys can’t. I can’t be the only Junior, or else someone might notice--” 

“Why don’t I see you riding your boyfriend’s ass as hard as--” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Naruto snapped. “And he’s not here, if you’re too hungover to notice.”

“You don’t have to yell.”

“I’m not.”

Kiba leaned against a wall, sliding down to the ground, “it sounds like you are.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, “you better show up to practice, Kiba. And tell everyone else the same too, you guys are riddiculous.” He stalked away to his next class.

And his next class. He did his best to be nice to the chemistry substitute, but Sasuke’s empty seat too close to him, and the substitute’s voice was too pitchy, and he was too short. The class couldn’t have taken longer if it tried, but he was soon stalking off to practice, doing his best to push whatever feelings he had for Sasuke’s absence to the back of his mind. He was the only Junior in the field, and the looks that Neji sent him were not...nice. 

After practice, he got in the car and drove back home, passing by Sasuke’s house. If he hadn’t promised him that he would never show up unannounced, he could have just stopped by--but, but he did make him that promise. He parked in front of his own house, and with one last glance over his shoulder, he headed inside. 

It’s not like he was jealous, of course. He wasn’t, he decided as he started on his English essay. Obviously, Sasuke had been drunk and everyone was playing  _ bottle _ and Sakura had a girlfriend, so, no, he wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t even bitter that at one point the bottle had pointed at him, and their second kiss was...while drunk. First, the gay chicken, and now, drunk. But he wasn’t bitter. 

He was just worried. Naruto slammed his laptop closed, taking out his phone. He’d been carefully stalking everyone’s profiles to make sure that nothing sketchy was online, and he hadn’t found anything--except that video that Ino posted, that looked like it was clearly made by a very drunk girl, and where Sasuke and he showed up a little too close to each other. It’d been online for three minutes, before he stole Ino’s phone and deleted it, of course, because Sasuke was drunk and--and--and drunk and that couldn’t be online. Just like he couldn’t show up to check up on him. 

The same thing happened on Friday. Sasuke never showed--hadn’t even texted, and there was the same short, useless substitute in place of Kakashi. Naruto tried to hide his bad mood from his friends, but he shot more than one dirty look at Kiba and Sakura and even Karin. He drove past Sasuke’s house that day a little slower and spent the rest of the night staring at his phone, ignoring everyone’s texts because the only person with whom he wanted to talk hadn’t sent him anything. 

It was riddiculous he knew. But--well, Sasuke had been so handsy, which...actually, he tended to be rather handsy, but it was just that he’d been--it was just that he always showed up in the morning, and he hadn’t, and...he didn’t miss him, but--Sasuke didn’t have to go AWOL. And what the hell was Kakashi also doing not showing up to work? It didn’t make sense unless--no, no. He could not. He would not. 

He walked down the hallway to his parents’ bedroom, standing by the doorframe as he watched his mom pack up for a month long trip. She always traveled, and Naruto was obviously used to it, but for the first time since he was seven, he wanted to grab onto him and refuse to let her leave. Riddiculous, he knew. 

Clearing his throat, he walked in, “do you need any help?”

His mom looked at him, a soft smile on her face, “you can sit here,” she patted the only empty space on the bed, “and keep me company.”

Naruto didn’t need to be told twice. “When are you coming back again?”

“December. Don’t worry, a month goes by fast,” she said, folding the last shirts and closing the suitcase. She pushed it to the corner of the bed, sitting on a new empty space. “I’ll come back with new amazing stories to share with you, and by the then, you’ll almost be done with the semester.”

His mom’s hair was so long. He remembered when they were younger, Karin had wanted to let it grow as long as hers, but never quite managed--too impatient. “I know. And I know how much you’ve been wanting to get this job, it’s just...” 

“It’s just your worried about Sasuke,” his mom finished. “Your dad told me what happened that weekend, and...you guys are not very quiet in the mornings.”

Naruto felt his cheeks warm up, but unable to keep a straight face when her mom began giggling. He cracked a smile, “please don’t ever tell him that, or he’s never going to show up again.”

“I won’t, of course,” his mom said. “Although, it can’t be very safe, he could fall. Have you mentioned that we do have a front door and he is more than welcomed to use it. Your dad and I can pretend we don’t hear anything, so that you’re the only one opening it.”

Naruto shrugged, playing with the zipper on his mom’s suitcase. “I told him once it starts raining, he can’t climb up anymore, but I don’t think he really is going to listen.” He wasn’t entirely sure that he would be showing up again, at all, but he didn’t want to talk to his mom about that the night before she left for a month. “I think he’s been a little sick lately.”

“Mmm,” his mom glanced at him. “Mariko called me yesterday, said Karin wasn’t feeling very well. Maybe Sasuke’s not feeling very well either.”

Naruto chuckled, awkwardly. Doing his best not to picture his aunt figuring out exactly why Karin wasn’t feeling very well. “I didn’t drink,” he blurted out. He couldn’t have his mom leaving thinking that he drank and drove. “And...well, Sasuke did, and neither him nor Kakashi showed up. Not today and not yesterday. I’m sure he felt awful on Thursday, but...” he trailed off, shrugging. Sasuke could still be feeling shitty, but--it just did not make sense for Kakashi to call in sick too. 

“Why don’t you call him?”

Because he promised him. Lately, he’d been making a lot of promises...that maybe he shouldn’t have made. “Yeah,” Naruto said, “I will.” He stood up, hugging his mom. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I’ll go with dad to drop you off at the airport. Thanks, mom.” 

He headed back to his bedroom, closing his door as quietly as he could. Sighing, he took out his phone, staring at it, until he had to turned on his lights because the sunlight was not enough anymore to let him see. But he couldn’t. He promised Sasuke. He would just work on ignoring the sick feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. 

The next morning, he woke up and changed into a shirt and shorts, shoving his feet into his running shoes, grabbing his keys, and heading out. It was awfully early, but he knew that Sasuke woke up around this time to run with Urushi, and if he needed to run aorund the entire neighboorhood, then he would. And he did, but he never found Sasuke. Didn’t even find Kakashi. But it was fine. They might walk past his house later. It was fine. He closed the door, and headed back upstairs, deciding that a good nap would be a good idea, but bumping into his dad before he could crawl into bed. 

“Hey, kiddo, I’m dropping your mom off, you don’t want to come?” His dad asked. 

Naruto didn’t want to, but he had promised his mom, and--and, yes, he did want to. At any rate, it would be better than staying in his bedroom, moping with his eyes glued to his phone. He followed his dad downstairs, trying to focus on the conversation between his parents as they drove to the airport. He hugged his mom goodbye, memorizing the strawberry-peppermint perfume on her, and waited with his dad to see her past security, and disappear from view. A month. A month went by fast, he was sure. 

“Dad? Have you heard from Kakashi lately?” They were stuck in traffic, his phone still had not received any messages from Sasuke, and Naruto could only make conversation. 

His dad glanced at him, shaking his head. “Why you ask?”

The empty hole in the pit of his stomach expanded. “Both of them didn’t show up at school yesterday, or Thursday. I was just wondering,” he shrugged. “It’s nothing, I just wondered, that’s all.” 

His dad looked at him, “maybe Sasuke’s just feeling a little sick. I heard there might have been...adult drinks at that party.”

Naruto looked outside the window. Just cars. Cars moving just as slow as they were. “I didn’t drink anything--” 

“But Sasuke did.”

It should have been a question, but it sounded more like a statement. Naruto shrugged, before glancing at his dad. “Kinda. And--I know he could just be sick, but...all things considered, he could--well, Kakashi hasn’t shown up, and I can’t imagine that he is too hungover too!”

Naruto couldn’t recognize the emotions flashing through his dad’s eyes. “I thought you weren’t going to probe anything anymore.”

“I’m not! I’m just worried!” Naruto huffed, “I mean, it’s not like Kakashi didn’t ground him for nothing. How can--have you heard from him? From either of them? At all?”

His dad tapped on the wheel--from frustration at the traffic, probably. “Sasuke just has a lot of complications in his life. You have to understand that.”

“I do! But--” 

“No.” His dad stared at him, shaking his head, “you don’t understand. It’s complicated, more than you can imagine. I hope Sasuke’s fine, kiddo, but if he’s grounded, he shouldn’t have been drinking. None of you kids should have, in fact.”

After a few seconds, Naruto managed to close his mouth. “You can’t be serious. No one drove while drunk, and plenty of teenagers drink. It’s normal and fun. Sometimes, teens do stupid things, doesn’t mean we should be grounded, and I’m not even talking about that, I’m talking about Sasuke getting beaten.”

“Naruto...”

“I know!” He cleared his throat, “I know I said I didn’t want to know anything, and--and I’m trying really hard not to, but the fact is that Kakashi doesn’t have to miss work too if Sasuke’s grounded. He can just check those cameras to make sure, can’t he?” The traffic was terrible. It wouldn’t move--why wouldn’t it just move? At this rate, they could get home in three days. “I’m just--can’t you check on him? On either of them?” 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Naruto sighed, turning his attention outside again, closing his eyes. If--Sasuke was in trouble, in  _ real _ trouble, then Naruto was at least partly to blame. He should have taken that red cup out of his hands as soon as he realized what Gaara had poured inside of it, but he hadn’t, and...and Sasuke had not been unable to put it down, almost like it was the first time that he didn’t have a noose around his neck, like for the first time, he could breathe, and he’d been so relaxed that Naruto hadn’t batted an eye when he drank another cup. 

And then they’d gotten separated a little, and when he found him again, Sakura and him had been making out in a circle, with an empty bottle pointing at Sasuke. It hurt, but it had just been a game, and Sakura was his best friend and Sasuke--they were both drunk, and playing a stupid game. Ino dragged him to the circle then and--and when the bottle pointed at him a couple of turns later, he’d found out exactly how drunk Sasuke was. 

And just like that, their second kiss had been under worse circumstances than their first one, and Naruto  _ had  _ been upset and  _ had _ been sad and  _ had  _ been worried. But--but that didn’t mean that Sasuke should have gotten in so much trouble. Of course, he didn’t know if he was in trouble. But the other option--him getting sick enough not to go to school for two days, and Kakashi not showing up either, was worse. 

Sasuke hadn’t drunk anything with alcohol until that party, so maybe, he’d discovered that he was allergic to alcohol. Which. Which. 

“Do you think he’s in the hospital?” He asked, opening his eyes with a sigh. 

“No, I don’t think so. Maybe he’s just not feeling well,” his dad replied, his tone more tensed than he really should be if he was trying to be supportive and encouraging. 

\----------

The next day, his dad rushed out to work at four in the morning, leaving too fast to provide much of an explanation, but loud enough for Naruto hear the alarmed rate at which the door was slammed and the car left the driveway. Naruto waited an hour before he left the house, spending a good three hours just walking around the neighborhood, each shadow teasing him, but never delivering on the person that he was looking for. He walked past Sasuke’s house twice, both times holding his breath and reminding himself that he promised him. He wouldn’t show up unnanounced. 

When he finished breakfast, a sad-looking cereal bowl, he called Karin. “Can I come over?”

“Sure, but I’m catching up with homework.” She sounded so sleepy. 

Naruto glanced at his backpack, “yeah, I’ll take mine too.” He just didn’t want to be by himself, or else he might...do something stupid. He took his keys, jingling to try to brighten up the day, but failing miserably, and leaving the house. At least the traffic was nonexistant, especially compared to yesterday’s.

He was soon knocking on the door. 

“Hi, duckling, how are you?”

Naruto smiled, not having seen his Auntie for a few weeks. She always worked so late, and so early. “Good, thanks. Just showing up to work on homework,” he pointed at his backpack on the ground, “how are you, Auntie?”

He got two kisses on his cheeks before he was allowed inside. “Good, good. Karin’s in her room,” she nudged him. “I’ll bring snacks in a little bit, alright?”

“Thanks,” Naruto grinned, before heading upstairs. He knocked once on Karin’s door, before opening it slowly. “Can I come in?”

“Yup.” Karin replied. She was sitting on the desk, a small one, especially considering the size of her bed. “How’s it going?”

Naruto closed the door, keeping quiet for awhile. There were so many thoughts swimming around his mind, that he was not sure which one he would blurt out first, or which one he should blurt out first. For the briefest second, he had the urge to complain about that game of bottle, but--but that was childish. And stupid. Everyone had been drunk.  _ He _ should have been drunk. “Fine. You?”

Karin set the pencil down, spinning on her chair to look at him. “Are you sure? You’re not moping around because Sasuke hasn’t shown up to school?”

Naruto kept his eyes steady. He wanted to talk to her, but...but he couldn’t. If he did, the temptation for those cameras would be too much for him, and--and if he was overreacting, then he didn’t need that in his conscience. “He’s been sick--” 

“Ah,” Karin nodded, “an alcohol virgin. Makes sense.”

Naruto took a seat, sprawling his textbooks on Karin’s bed. “Yeah,” he said softly, “he must be really sick.” That had to be it. Sasuke was just sick. He would have been too, if he drank as much as he had. “Did Sakura get in trouble?”

“No,” Karin shrugged. “We cleaned up everything before her parents came back, and there was only one broken vase. She told them that she fell on it.”

“You’re such a bad influence on her,” Naruto said. “If you weren’t my cousin, I would have hated you for corrupting my best friend.”

“Lucky me,” Karin said. “If you weren’t my cousin, I would have hated your guts too, I imagined.”

Naruto didn’t believe her. Not with that fond smile on her face. But he rolled his eyes, mostly for her benefit, and then turned all of his attention to his homework. He had to concentrate. Especially right now. But it was a little hard to concentrate with Karin’s eyes on him, like she was tracking his every movement, his every thought. “Do you need something?” He asked, after finishing history and deciding that he couldn’t even attempt calculus with that kind of attention on himself. 

“Can I show you something?” Karin asked. “Sakura and I were watching some crime show, you know, while we were cleaning, and we saw something that we thought maybe you would...enjoy.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, crawling over to the desk, waiting as Karin typed something that looked eerily similar to UNRESOLVED MURDERS. Which was perfect. This is just what he needed to get his mind off Sasuke, something else that had as many mysteries as him. He scooted next to Karin, half his butt floating in the air, but not caring one bit. For some reason, his cousin didn’t seem to mind that half her butt must also be floating in the air. 

“You know, I haven’t really looked at this stuff lately. I mean, you know I prefer illuminati and aliens, but I’ve seen all of that, and the newer ones are just so implausible that is almost a joke. I could come up with better theories, I’ve been thinking maybe I’ll make my own channel, really help open people’s minds to the--” 

“Shush and pay attention,” Karin said, clicking play on a video, fastforwarding what looked like an introduction. She took a deep breath, not letting it go, “are you ready?”

“For this crap? I’m always ready,” Naruto said, turning his attention to the screen.

It was a dry documentary with bad lightning. He didn’t know why Karin would have thought he would like it, until he caught a name. Uchiha. He remembered that case when he was younger. His dad showing up home late, leaving early with coffee stains on his shirt. He knew the logistics of it, having looked it up when he was old enough to be truly curious, but couldn’t deal with the guilt too much, knowing how much pain it had caused his dad. 

“My dad worked that,” he said. 

“I know,” Karin replied, possibly still holding her breath. “Keep looking. It gets weird.”

Naruto couldn’t understand what was weird about the Uchiha tragedy. A mob tried to extort a rich man and people ended up dead. A face of a woman--Mikoto Uchiha--flashed on the screen; she couldn’t have been older than his own mom, her smile just as bright. The narrator was talking about the horrific way she was found, and the way that the oldest child’s body was still missing. 

He paused the video, looking away. “You know, dad sometimes talks about his work with mom, or even with me. But he could never bring himself to mention this.” He closed the window, “I know Uchiha Inc. is still super succesful, and Fugaku Uchiha is one of the richest men right now, but,” he glanced at Karin. “He must really wish he could exchange all that for his family. Dad couldn’t sleep for months afterwards. I think that’s the reason we really got a security system.”

“I didn’t know that,” Karin whispered.

“Yeah,” he kept quiet. Until he couldn’t. “Can you imagine? Nephews and nieces dead, and then his wife, and then he sons.” He shook his head, “just when you start thinking rich people’s problems aren’t problems at all, right?”

“Right,” Karin said. “You know, the younger son’s name is--” 

“Sasuke. I know.” Naruto chuckled. “I don’t need this right now, Karin. I already have too many theories about Sasuke Hatake in my brain, I don’t need to mix in theories about Sasuke Uchiha.”

“Do you know Sasuke’s birthday?”

Naruto blinked, shaking his head. “Do you?”

“Maybe you should figure it out. I mean, they are kind of the same age, aren’t they?”

Naruto raised his eyebrow, before he glared. “Sasuke Uchiha is  _ dead _ . Everyone in that family is dead. Like I said, my dad was very upset by that case, do you really think that if Sasuke Uchiha showed up a house over ours, he wouldn’t have investigated?” He stood up, shoving his textbooks into his backpack. “You and Sakura really need better hobbies, preferably ones that exclude Sasuke,” he told her, leaving her bedroom. Auntie Mariko was still in the kitchen, presumably making snacks, but Naruto was out the door with only a quick  _ bye _ . 

He drove faster than strictly necessary, but he didn’t care. He didn’t even glance over as he drove past Sasuke’s house. He couldn’t believe---he shook his head, opening the door and tossing his keys and backpack on the counter. He needed to clear his mind. Television. Some stupid cartoons would do the trick. 

He wasted the rest of the day with his phone off and far away from the couch, watching some animated movies, a marathon for little kids, apparently. He didn’t care. Wouldn’t that--that be something? Sure, Sasuke told him that he was adopted, but if his real dad was Fugaku Uchiha...there was no way that the man would want his last child hurt by anything. It would be far more likely that he would have kept his son in a tower hidden away from the world. 

“Still awake?”

Naruto pried his eyes away from the show, finding his dad standing a few feet from him; Sasuke was right, he needed to start paying more attention to his surroundings. He glanced at the clock, a little worried, but not surprised that it was almost midnight. “Yeah, yeah. Was watching something exciting and...lost track of time, I guess. How was work, dad?”

His dad smiled, taking a seat next to him. “Good, how was your day?”

Naruto turned the television off. “I went over at Karin’s and...did some homework,” he said, deciding that his dad didn’t need to hear about their conversation. It had been years, but he knew, deep down, that his dad must still be upset about everything that happened with the Uchiha case. He didn’t need to ruin the rest of his night, and possibly tomorrow by bringing it up. Especially not when Karin and Sakura had just been idiots. “I finished most of it,” he said. 

“That’s great, kiddo.” He squeezed his shoulder, “why don’t you get some sleep? It’s Monday tomorrow.”

Naruto gave his dad a quick hug, “good night, dad.” He headed upstairs, opting to put his lucky pajamas on. Tonight, he absolutely did not need to stay awake with racing thoughts or nightmares. 

\----------

Sasuke wasn’t at his window on Monday either, but at least his pajamas still worked and he had been able to sleep for a couple of hours. His stomach twisted when he couldn’t find him in first period, but he’d been sadly, not that surprised. He headed behind the bleachers at lunch, leaning against a pole and closing his eyes. 

“You’ve been awfully quiet lately.”

Naruto opened his eyes, just in time to watch Sakura take a seat next to him. “I’ve just been tired,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady because, well, he didn’t know if Sakura had wanted to show him that video too, or if Karin had just decided to do it on her own, and then insinuate too many things that were just  _ wrong _ . 

Sakura leaned her head on his shoulder. It seemed so familiar, and yet so strange. “Maybe he got sick.”

Naruto rested his head on hers. “It doesn’t matter. I know he’s sick, he drank so much, how could he not be?”

“Was that you guys’ first kiss?”

Naruto sighed, shifting away a little, but making sure his shoulder didn’t move so not to disturb Sakura. “No, our first kiss was us standing in front of each other to see who would pull away first, but of course neither of us did. It was in the middle of the field, I thought the whole school knew.”

Sakura shrugged, “You guys are riddiculous...” 

“I know,” Naruto replied. But Sasuke was the one who disappeared, so he was more so. He wished he hadn’t made him that stupid promise about not texting, calling, or showing up to his house unnanounced. And he wished that his dad would just--just forget the promise he made him too. “Do you know if Mr. Hatake’s--” 

“No.” Sakura changed positions so they were staring at each other. “He wasn’t there for my chemistry class, I doubt he’ll show up for yours, wouldn’t make sense, right? And that sub..I can’t imagine that they couldn’t found someone better...”

Naruto sighed. “Sakura? Do you think Karin had a point? About those videos?”

“No. Your dad would have done something if a missing child showed up next door, wouldn’t he? We were just watching stuff to pass the time and...I told her not to show it to you.”

Naruto felt a little better with those words. She was right, he was right--his dad would have absolutely done something if Sasuke Hatake was really Sasuke Uchiha. His dad was a good man, he would have contacted Fugaku Uchiha and gotten his son back to him, and thrown Kakashi in jail, as the presumed kidnapper and potential murderer. He knew he had reservations about Sasuke’s dad, and there  _ was _ some sketchy stuff going on, but there was no way that the man was a murderer. It didn’t make sense. His dad would have done something if that was the case. 

“Why don’t you go visit him?”

Naruto blinked. “I--I will, you’re right. I mean, I was trying to give him his space in case...you know, it was awkward, or something, but you’re right, he’s next door and there’s absolutely nothing stopping me from going over and just seeing him, you know? I mean, I could even climb onto his balcony like some stupid, romantic, cliche movie scene, couldn’t I?” 

“Yeah! He’s probably just sick, anyway, you know?” Sakura smiled.

It killed Naruto a little, when he had to nod. But the bell rang then, and Sakura, no matter how great of a friend she was, cared too much about classes and school to ditch the class with him. He closed his eyes, and breathed in a few times before he too, dragged his feet to sixth period, hating himself just so for making so many stupid promises. 

By the time he went home, Naruto was feeling rather sick himself. There were probably about two hundred actual steps from his house to Sasuke’s house, but he couldn’t just go. He couldn’t. He promsied him. He shouldn’t have. But he did. He ran a bath, letting the water dull out the outside world, and more importantly, his own thoughts. 

He didn’t know what to think anymore. He didn’t want to think anymore. Whatever his brain did come up with was either too stupid or too horrid, but either way, it made him sick to the stomach to think about Sasuke. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t stop. He crawled into bed, closing his eyes. 

He woke up at three in the morning, sure that he’d heard something outside his window, but it was just a stupid crow tapping on the glass with his window. Naruto would have gotten out of bed to chase it away, but crows remembered people’s faces and the last thing he needed was become a bird’s enemy. He’d seen that scary movie with all the birds taking over someone’s house and trying to eat the family inside. That was the last thing he needed in his life. 

Even if the bird just continued to tap on the glass, and Naruto was stupid enough to think each and every time that it was Sasuke standing outside. It wasn’t. It wasn’t. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up reaching for his laptop. The light blinded him for a few seconds, but his vision adjusted fast enough. He stared at the search engine, and then slammed the laptop closed. He needed to sleep, not...not go down  _ another _ rabbit hole. 

He woke up with a headache in the back of his head, but it was okay. He didn’t even care that Sasuke wasn’t at his window, either. He was too tired to care. He was. By the time first period started and Sasuke wasn’t at his seat, Naruto was absolutely exhausted to care. He was. He didn’t even care that Kakashi wasn’t there either. 

It was okay. He needed to concentrate on his classes. And on practice, he’s time was too slow still, and he needed to shave at least a minute if he wanted to get enough attention for a college scholarship. At the end of the school day, he headed home, still with the annoying headache, and not at all able to convince himself that he didn’t care. He shouldn’t care. It’s not like him and Sasuke were anything, really, except neighbors, and--and--

He closed the door and ran down the driveway; clearly, practice had not been exhausting enough because his mind was still racing with stupid, unhelpful, uncalled for thoughts. Over the weeks, Sasuke and him had spent so much time together that...he kind of assumed they were a thing. Sasuke was handsy enough for both of them, and--and it’s not like he had disagreed on anything. He ran faster past their house, welcoming the fog in his mind. Better than thinking about anything. 

He collapsed next to his car, drawing in small breaths to take some air to his lungs, and hopefully to his brain. The sky was dark now, bared from stars. His legs burned, his lungs felt like someone was squeezing and twisting them, but he wished he could have kept going. His mind was still racing--had--had he read too much into anything? Had he? It wouldn’t be the first time. Groaning, he hid his face behind his knees, trying to catch his breath. 

He could have read too much into everything, he supposed. Sasuke did make-out with Sakura and--and--no. He couldn’t have. Sasuke brought breakfast every morning, except the last...couple of days, obviously. Obviously. But, but, before the stupid Halloween party, he did, and everything was fine, and he was sure they were both rather  _ happy _ and...and he was slowly going crazy. He wiped his cheeks, clearing his throat, sneaking a quick look at Sasuke’s house. So close. So close. Why had he made that stupid promise?

Why had he agreed to Sasuke’s--well, he had to. It wouldn’t have been right if he hadn’t, no matter how much he wished he hadn’t. Obviously, Sasuke had asked him not to show up unannounced, or communicate with him, for a reason. He didn’t know the reason, no matter how much he tried, or did not try. He was unsure what he wanted anymore.

Except.

Except he wanted to see Sasuke. So badly. 

“Kiddo, what are you doing?”

Not Sasuke. Naruto stood up, wincing--had he stretched out his muscles? He hoped so. He couldn’t remember anymore, his mind clearly preoccupied with other things. Other people. “Hi, dad. Uh, just came back from a run, was just resting a bit.”

His dad was staring at him concerned, “is something wrong?”

Naruto looked at his feet. “Sasuke and Mr. Hatake still haven’t shown up. Do you think...they moved away?”

“I haven’t seen any moving trucks,” his dad pointed out, rather reasonably. Naruto let him guide him back to the house. “Maybe they got hit with a tough bug.”

Naruto sighed, “you really don’t think any of this is sketchy at all?”

His dad placed the car keys on the counter, “it is flu season, isn’t it? I heard teachers are exposed to more germs than many other adults.”

Biting back a sigh, he nodded, “I’m going to take a shower. Stinky and gross. Good night, dad.” He didn’t wait for a response, just dragged himself to the shower, standing under the hot water until it became freezing. 

Naruto woke up. A week ago, Sasuke had been sitting on his bed, handing him a chocolate chip muffin, grapes, and cheese for breakfast. He had set the food on his night stand, and tugged on Sasuke’s sleeve until they were laying down. He had spent all of five minutes annoying him about wearing a costume, having Sasuke only agreed because he had not tried any funny things with Kakashi. He had slapped Sasuke’s shoulder and gotten up, yabbering about  _ something _ \--he couldn’t remember what anymore--until he found his vampire cape and tossed it at him, pouting a little that Sasuke was able to catch it before it hit him in the face. Sasuke had only put it on after he’d shown him his werewolve costume, having some trouble eating his breakfast with the gigantic mitts. And then--and then--

And then, they had gone to school, like every other day. 

Sasuke could be  _ dead _ and--

No. No. He wasn’t dead. He was just...sick. Or missing. Missing just like Sasuke Uchiha. No. No. Dammit, Karin had gotten inside his head. Naruto threw the blankets over his head. School would still be there tomorrow. He didn’t move when he heard the door opening. It wasn’t Sasuke. It was just his dad. 

“Kiddo, you’re going to be late.”

His dad’s voice was so soft, so kind, that Naruto couldn’t help but feel guilty thinking that he’d prefer it if it was Sasuke waking him up. He knew, he knew that he was being a little bratty. But he was worried. And  _ hurt _ . “I’m feeling a little sick, dad.” He didn’t sound sick, but he refused to get up. 

The silence dragged on for awhile, before he heard a sigh. “Okay. I’ll see you later, kiddo.”

“Have a good day, dad,” Naruto replied, closing his eyes when he heard the door closed. Surprisingly, the sound of his phone vibrating on the table woke him up. He reached for it, glaring at it, and rejecting Sakura’s call. Not Sasuke. He turned it off and tossed it across the room, out of his mind. 

Where was he? Not dead. Not dead. Just sick. Naruto shoved his face on the pillow. He was sure that not even his lucky pjs would grant him relaxing sleep now. Why hadn’t he taken a picture of Sasuke wearing them when he had a chance? He’d been so stupid. He was always so stupid. No one seemed to be worried enough, but--but--Sasuke was not dead. He was not. He was just sick. Or maybe Sasuke hated him for not stopping him from drinking so much and had decided to transfer to another school, and somehow convinced Kakashi to quit his job too. Or maybe, Kakashi had realized that Naruto was too much trouble and murdered Sasuke and skipped town. Or maybe, Sasuke was really Sasuke Uchiha and Kakashi had realized that Karin and Sakura were poking too much and he decided to strangle Sasuke, bury him in the backyard, and skip town. No.

No--no. Sasuke was just sick. Or--or--

He kicked the blankets off. A shower. A shower. It would be good. It wasn’t that good, but afterwards, he took some of his sleeping pills, and that--that was good. He slept.

Someone nudged him. It was his dad. “How are you feeling today, kiddo?”

Naruto turned around. His dad wasn’t wearing the same clothes as in the morning, a darker, stuffer suit. “Still not too good,” he said. It wasn’t a lie. Sure, he was  _ technically _ sick, but at least without going to school, he could pretend that Kakashi was back, and so was Sasuke, and the reason that he didn’t know was because he was sick and not at school. Instead of going and seeing that they weren’t there--that would make him sick. He couldn’t do it. 

“I’ll make you some tea before I go, okay?”

Naruto blinked. “Go where?”

“It’s Thursday.”

More than a week. “Oh,” he said. It sounded hollow to his ears. At least he’d been able to sleep the whole night. “I think I’m going to stay here again today.”

His dad smiled softly, brushing his hair back. “I know you’re bummed out about a lot of things, kiddo, but you can’t skip school like this.”

If only his dad knew how much he actually skipped class. Until he met Sasuke. But now. “Not feeling good.”

“You don’t have a fever.”

Naruto sat up, “I just don’t feel good, dad. My stomach feels sick. I’ll go back tomorrow.”

His dad squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll leave the tea downstairs, alright?” 

“Thanks,” he said, doing his best to smile. He watched his dad leave, before laying down again. He’ll get up later to eat. And shower. And drink that tea--he wasn’t mean enough to let that go to waste. Besides, his stomach was empty. He hadn’t eaten anything yesterday--hadn’t even realized that yesterday was done. Another day gone by. Maybe he should call--no. No. He  _ promised _ . In the very bed he was resting, he had promised Sasuke that he wouldn’t contact him--which...which was great, if Sasuke’s intention had always been to disappear from his life.

He wouldn’t have minded that so much. He really wouldn’t have. He would gladly stop thinking and talking about him, if only he knew he was  _ safe _ . That’s all he wanted. Spot him outside, walking Urushi, safe and sound. And then, Naruto could go on with his life, like he had always done. 

He ate something at noon. Drank the tea. It was cold, but that was okay. He sat outside the door, trying to see if he spotted either Sasuke, Kakashi, or Urushi, but without any luck. He headed back inside at around five, before his dad came home and found him decidedly  _ not _ sick. He took a shower and went to bed. 

His dad nudged him awake again. Sasuke would have knocked on the glass door. “You’ve been absent for two days.”

“I know, I just--” 

“You need to go, you can’t keep skipping,” his dad said. 

Naruto...nodded. “I’ll get ready,” he said, getting out of bed. It was Friday. He spotted his phone on the floor, still there, where it had landed after throwing it. Off. Dead. Not--not like Sasuke. Unlike Sasuke, who was just sick of him. Which was fine. Because he was alive and not dead. 

He wasn’t surprised when his dad waited until Naruto was driving off to leave the house too. What surprised him a little, and made him feel just slightly rotten, was that his dad didn’t drive him to school himself. Didn’t even tail him to make sure that’s where he was heading--which, which, it was to where he was heading. Before he turned around and drove back home. He couldn’t do it. Maybe after the weekend. It would be fine. After the weekend, he would have convinced himself that Sasuke was only avoiding him, and not dead, and then he would get on with his life. And apologize to his dad for skipping school three days in a row. 


	12. Chapter 12

Naruto threw his car keys on the kitchen counter, turning his phone off. He groaned in frustration, but--he couldn’t call him. He promised him. Of course--no, no. He promised. When he did see Sasuke again, he didn’t want to get into a fight with him for breaking one of their agreements. He searched the fridge for snacks, filling a plate with grapes, strawberries, cheese, and chips. Grabbed a tub of ice cream, stuck a spoon in his mouth, and headed upstairs. 

He set the food down on his bed, and headed to his closet to grab something a little more comfortable--it was too early to wear pajamas, but the school’s uniform was too stiffling to wear, and it was just a constant reminder that he’d skipped school and that, eventually, he would have to talk to his dad about it.

Sweatpants it was, then. After laying in bed for a bit and shoving food down his throat, he decided that he could watch some television. He was already skipping, and he didn’t exactly want to go out to do something fun, but the living room was...well, a little more living than his bedroom. Over the past days, his bedroom had just become a sad hole.

Living room it was. He took the tub of ice cream and the spoon, running downstairs and jumping on the couch, lazily turning on the television, and flipping channels. Commercials. Something stupid about losing weight. An informercial. Some judge show that was obviously staged. He stopped in the crime show channel, figuring that watching some terrifying woman run a cartel was the better used of his time. 

A compelling three-hour story, really, prostitute turned coldless killer, becoming one of the most dangerous women in history. Naruto would like to argue that point, of course, he was sure that historically, women were dangerous, it was just that history was too from a male’s perspective, and--

The bell rang. Naruto froze, glancing at it. Had the school called his dad? They probably had, of course they had, but his dad had keys. And his mom was overseas. Probably just some religious people asking him if he wanted to convert. Which he didn’t. He turned his attention back to the show, a new one apparently having started--Naruto knew it was going to be creepy because it started with a small boy, not much older than eight playing the piano. It was a slow piece, and--and to his horror, it sounded a lot like the one Sasuke was practicing that night he went over. 

Could he not get a break? The bell rang. He jumped. Religious people sure knew how  _ not _ to take a hint. Rolling his eyes, he got up, throwing the empty tub in the trashcan. He didn’t exactly want to go off on an innocent bystander, but he had been itching to let out  _ something _ and if they insisted on annoying him, he might as well tell them where they could shove it.

He swung the door open and--

And--his mind blanked. 

Sasuke stood there, in his school uniform, his shoulder leaning against the wall, his finger hovering over the doorbell. There were dark circles under his eyes and the tell-tale signs of crying, the rash across his nose. Naruto moved to the side, letting him walk in. Before closing the door, he looked one side. Nothing. And then, the other. Nothing. He closed the door, spotting Sasuke standing in the middle of the living room, in front of the television. 

He stood next to him, his mind registering the face on the television. Mikoto Uchiha. Maybe it was nearing the anniversary for when all of that happened. He couldn’t remember. 

“What,” he glanced at Sasuke. Where to begin? He could ask him so many things, all the things that he had thought about over the past...eight days. “Why are you in the school uniform?” 

Sasuke turned to look at him. He’d never looked as tired, or dead, as he did now. He walked to turned the television off, before shrugging. “It’s Friday. There’s school on Friday.”

“Rich coming from the guy who didn’t show up to school for over a week.”

Sasuke shifted his weight on his feet. “Actually, I was there yesterday and the day before, but you weren’t. Sakura said she left you like a hundred voicemails, but you never picked up, and she asked me to tell you that you’re an asshole, and that phones are made to be answered--” 

Naruto huffed, “that’s rich coming from you! A whole week, Sasuke--” 

“You never called me.”

His fists curled, “because you told me not to call you, asshole! Believe me, I wanted to and--and...” 

Sasuke’s eyes were on the black television again. “I know. Thanks...for not calling me, or...showing up.”

“I promised I wouldn’t.” Sure, Naruto had almost beaten himself up for ever promising that, but obviously, if Sasuke was thanking him, it had been clearly important to him. For reasons. That were...unknown, but important. 

“I know,” Sasuke said. “That’s why I came--” 

“You skipped half of school, didn’t you?”

Sasuke shrugged, “just sixth and seventh--” 

“Chemistry, you mean.” Naruto crossed his arms, “what kind of idiot skips his dad’s class?”

After a long time, Sasuke replied, “me, I guess.”

He sounded so dejected. Naruto took him by the hand, dragging him to the couch. He sat down, waiting expectantly for Sasuke to do the same, but he didn’t budged. Oh.  _ Oh _ . Okay, breathe. Breathe. “I take it you came because you made a promise too.”

Sasuke’s eyes were fixed on the ground--his shoes must be rather interesting. “Can we go upstairs?”

Naruto swallowed, but stood up, following Sasuke to the bedroom. He closed the door, locking it--his dad would probably not show up for a few more hours, but he didn’t need anyone walking in. Sasuke wouldn’t appreciate that. He sat on the bed, staring at Sasuke, who was decidedly not sitting down. Had he spent the whole day yesterday at school also refusing to take a seat? Or had he forced himself to sit down and aggravate whatever happened. 

Sasuke took a tiny container from his backpocket and handed it over. Antibruising cream. Naruto’s brain filled in the holes, then. He didn’t know how he remained calm, but--but Sasuke needed help, he didn’t need someone to hunt down Kakashi and kill him. He patted the space next to him.

Sasuke hesitated, “don’t...don’t freak out, okay? It’s a little bad. It looks worse than it is.”

Naruto doubted that. “I won’t,” he said, patting the space next to him again. 

“Close your eyes.”

Naruto did, a moment later feeling a dip on the bed. “Can I open them?” When Sasuke hummed, he did and. And. And. And. Naruto could spend the rest of his life staring and would still not be able to find a patch of skin that wasn’t some shade of black, brown, or purple on him. He glanced away, but the image was already burned into his mind, just like last time. 

He opened the container, smearing some cream on his index and middle finger, fully realizing that they really were going to need at least a thousand more of those containers. He did his best to ignore the sharp intake of breath, the hiss, when he brushed his fingers against the skin. It felt swollen, felt just as bad as it looked. 

The cream was finished before he even got a quarter of the way down. He had counted to a thousand twice, the numbers lining up with the tiny sounds escaping out of Sasuke. There had been a particular point, below his right shoulder blade, that Sasuke had tried to squirm away. He couldn’t blame him. The tightened fists around the bedsheet weren’t lost on him either. 

“I think I have more in my bathroom,” he said. He was going to tell him not to move, but obviously, he wouldn’t. Sasuke was naked on his bed, where was he going to go while in that much pain? How had he gone to school? Naruto was only looking at him, and he never wanted to sit down again in his life. He let the bathroom door open, while he searched the drawers, sighing in relief when he found a container hidden behind the toilet paper. He sat back down slowly. “You could have called me, or my dad, you know,” he said, rubbing some more cream on his lower back. 

Sasuke arched his back, like that was going to help anything. “Didn’t want your parents to--” he moaned, pressing his forehead against the bed. “To worry unecessarily.” 

“Right,” Naruto replied. His hand hovered over his butt--never really having imagined that this was going to be the first time Sasuke was naked on his bed, but--but finding he didn’t much care about those implications. He didn’t have the energy to care. He rubbed the cream. All his energy was occupied, keeping the anger from boiling over. Just spread the cream. “How much does it hurt?”

Sasuke shifted a little away. “Less than before.”

Naruto gripped the container. “Not exactly what I asked.” 

“Doesn’t hurt,” Sasuke said. Naruto pressed his hand on his back a little more forcefully, wincing at the induced whimper. “A little,” he gritted out. 

_ A little _ . Naruto never wanted to find out how  _ a lot  _ would look. He finished spreading the cream, “are...you going to tell me what happened, or am I supposed to forget about this by the time I see Kakashi again?”

Sasuke sighed, “I need pajamas.”

Naruto went to find him the biggest ones he could, grabbing Sasuke’s uniform and dumping them in the laundry basket to deal with later. He turned around while Sasuke put the pajamas on, doing his bed to ignore the sounds, knowing that Sasuke was doing  _ his _ best to stiffle them. When he turned back, Sasuke was still laying face down, but fully clothed this time. 

“Anything else?” When Sasuke shook his head, Naruto took a seat next to him, only to shift into a laying position, on his side, so he could stare at him better. He pushed Sasuke’s bangs away from his eyes. “For the record, I do think I deserve to be nosy this time, but you can tell me when you’re ready to talk about it.”

“It...it wasn’t Kakashi, it--to be honest, I’m not entirely sure who it was--” 

“What?”

“If you want an explanation, stop interrupting me!” Sasuke sounded like he might start crying, so Naruto just nodded. “It--um, it--I guess my real father didn’t appreciate what someone posted online about that party and--and he sent me to someone to deal with it.” The silence dragged on. “You can talk now.”

That was hardly an explanation. First of all, what kind of father would even do this? Biological or adoptive? And how did Sasuke not even know who had been...beating him. Although, Naruto was sure that the correct term was torture. And--actually, he thought he had done a rather impresive job checking social media, and Ino’s video was up less than five minutes. What, did Sasuke’s elusive father have a whole team stalking his son? That was riddiculous. “And I can ask questions?”

Five minutes passed before Sasuke nodded, after what looked to be a rather involved internal argument. “Don’t overwhelm yourself, though.”

Naruto took a deep breath. “Who’s your real dad?”

“I--I can’t tell you that.”

“You can’t tell me who is the person who sends you to people to get beaten up? Really?” He let out a frustrated groan, “fine. Why do you live with Kakashi?”

“He’s my guardian--” 

“But your real dad still bosses you around?” Naruto asked, but before Sasuke had a chance to reply, he continued, “and Kakashi let him take you? Wait--wait, he actually listened to him when he told him to beat you that one time, didn’t he? That’s why you told me he wasn’t your real dad, I couldn’t figure out why you told me that in the woods, like I was right, when I hadn’t ever insinuated that he wasn’t your real dad. Wait--wait,” he said, sitting up. He should probably let this go. “That’s why my dad didn’t get more involved, what, are you supposed to be in some witness protection program? I guess that would explain the cameras and why you’re so paranoid all the time. Does that make Kakashi a super secret agent?” He turned to look at Sasuke, who looked  _ terrified _ . “Or--or--or your dad is just homophobic and super busy, and you like Kakashi better than him, and that arrangment worked out really great.”

“He’s not homophobic,” Sasuke said. Naruto couldn’t tell if it sounded like a lie or not. “He just doesn’t like me drinking.”

“Sure,” Naruto said, nodding his head. The conversation with his dad in the car popping into his mind--he wondered what his dad would say if he found out that Sasuke had gotten into trouble, and not the grounding kind. “If you say so. I don’t know him. I don’t know anything. Except that he’s comfortable with torturing his kid because he drank a little at a party, like most other teenagers, but other than that, absolutely, I do not know anything at all. Except, you know what? This is child abuse, and it is against the law, and someone should be pressing charges.”

“Stop.” Sasuke pulled on his shirt. Naruto let him dragged him back down, and Sasuke shifted closer. “You’re overreacting--” 

Naruto frowned. “I’m not overreacting. Whoever decided to do this to you overreacted, are you kidding me right now? You know, I thought you were just upset with me, or something, but I--you were gone for over a week, you asshole, and you’re telling  _ me _ not to overreact?” 

Sasuke pressed his face on the crook of his neck, “stop. I can’t do this right now.”

“You agreed that I could ask questions.”

“These aren’t questions, they’re judgements.”

Naruto reached to brush Sasuke’s hair. “Fine. Did it happen at your house?”

“No.” 

Naruto stilled for a second, but Sasuke nudged his hand. “Where did it happen?”

“I--I don’t know. They drove me somewhere else.”

“And what happened?”

“What do you think happened?”

Naruto nudged him. “Do you really want me to tell you what  _ I _ think happened? Because,” he sat up, grabbing Sasuke’s right wrist, pulling him up and doing his best to block the whimper. “I think that someone tied you up and beat you until you were tired enough and shut down to not realize that they were torturing you, or brainwashing you, or convincing you that somehow it was your fault. When it isn’t. You’re a  _ child _ .”

Sasuke knelt down, looking like he was still in pain, but maybe less than a moment ago, sitting down. “He did tie me, but he didn’t  _ brainwash _ me, and I’m not a kid, Naruto, honestly. You’re overreacting. You don’t get it--” 

Naruto huffed, “I think you’re the one who doesn’t get it.” He crossed his arms, “give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go to the police right this second.”

“Because you don’t have to and you’re overreactng!”

“Neither of those are good reasons.”

Sasuke sighed, taking Naruto’s hands and pressing his face against Naruto’s chest. “Please, don’t. I know you think that--I know what you think. But it’s complicated, you have to trust me. You don’t have to do anything stupid.”

Naruto planted a small kiss on his hair. He hadn’t exactly expected any of this to happen, but. “You know I promised my dad that I would stop poking around, but you’re making it very difficult to keep that promise.”

“I know.”

“How do you expect me not to go to the police?”

“ _ Don’t _ .” Sasuke sighed, “I get it.” He pulled back, “I do. But.” He sighed, “it’s nothing bad, I promise. It looks worse than it is, and if you go to the police, I’m going to have to leave.”

“Why?”

Sasuke sighed, pushing Naruto down on the bed, curling on his side. “I just will. Do  _ you _ want me to leave forever? Are you really going to call the police so that you never have to see me again?”

Naruto’s stomach twisted. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s what’s going to happen,” Sasuke whispered. “But don’t worry, I’m never drinking again, so he won’t have to beat me.”

There was something wrong with the phrasing of that sentence, but Naruto didn’t have the will to start a fight with Sasuke about it, he would not, he could not. He closed his eyes, holding his breath. Forcing him to agree not to leave any proof of their relationship anywhere really made sense now. “And you’re breaking up with me too so they won’t have to beat you about that too?”

“No. Of course not.”

But that would be the reasonable thing to do, wouldn’t it? Maybe Sasuke didn’t want to admit it out loud, but if Naruto was one of the reasons that they had done that monstrocity to him, a dad doing that to his kid, or ordering it because he said he didn’t even know who hit him, was abhorrent, then they really should end it. “If you say so,” he said, feeling his guts twisting at the cowardcy. “But--dammit, Sasuke! This isn’t right. It’s awful.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

Under different circumstances, Naruto would have screamed at him, but Sasuke didn’t need that right now. “Just for the record, I’m yelling at Kakashi when I see him. You can believe whatever you want--all you want, but how could he have just let whoever took you away, take you away? He must have known what they were going to do to you and as you’re guardian, he shouldn’t have...let them take you.”

“It’s complicated,” Sasuke replied. 

“I know! Everyone keeps saying that, but there’s nothing complicated about someone beating you up...like this. Damm, Sasuke, you can’t honestly believe--” 

“Stop!” Sasuke stood up. “You don’t get it, okay? And you won’t and you can’t, and it’s okay, I know I’m not...giving you information to get it, and I can’t, but I can’t hear this right now, okay? I don’t want to regret coming here.”

“I have a strong feeling that as soon as Kakashi finds you, you’re going to regret it anyway,” Naruto mumbled. “I just don’t get it. How exactly did you think I was going to react?”

Sasuke shrugged, “Not--I,” he sighed, “I didn’t give it much thought, I just wanted to make sure you were okay--” 

“That I was okay? Are you insane? Your entire back is black and blue, and your ass, fuck, Sasuke, and you’re worried about me?”

“Why wouldn’t I worry? You weren’t in school--” 

“You weren’t either! For days! And neither was Kakashi!” Naruto took a deep breath. He needed to keep himself under control, Sasuke didn’t deserve this, no matter how much of an idiot he was being right now. “And--and you show up now, after skipping school, Sasuke, if this happened because you drank a little, did you stop to think that maybe it’ll happen if you skip too? Are you grounded? Are you going to be? Am I going to have to worry about you everytime you’re not with me because someone could be hitting you? This is all completely insane! I can’t be worrying about you without having a way to make sure that you’re okay, are you--” 

“Fine. Then, don’t worry about me,” Sasuke snapped. “Forget I came, I’m sorry I skipped class, it won’t happen again,” he said, rolling his eyes.

He turned around. Naruto grabbed his collar, pulling him towards the bed. “I’m not going to stop worrying about you just,” he pushed him on the bed, ignoring the way Sasuke scrambled to get off his back. “Because you ask me to, asshole. I thought you were  _ dead _ . I thought Kakashi had killed you--and,” he groaned, kicking his bed. Fuck. It kind of hurt. “And I’m not...I’m not suggesting that you have to tell me everything, or that I’m going to spy on you,” he swallowed. Sasuke could never find out that he had tried to spy on him. “But if you really do die, that’s going to be on me, but more importantly, you’re going to be  _ dead _ .”

Sasuke had, apparently, decided that laying on his stomach was still the most comfortable way to be--which, really,  _ really _ begged the question as to how exactly, he had gone to school, where everyone was expected to sit down for hours on end. “I’m not going to die because of this,” he huffed, “trust me.”

Naruto laid down, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m...glad that you did come. I was sick with worry, and I’m glad you’re not dead.” He bit back the  _ yet _ , deciding that it would not serve any purpose except make himself more worried. “But--” 

“Stop.”

Naruto took a breath and closed his eyes. Another breath. In. Out. “Can you at least tell me that you know, in some level, that it was wrong to do that to you?”

Sasuke didn’t say a word, but he scooted closer. Naruto was about to fall asleep, when he felt a nudge, and then a ghost tap on his shoulder. “He might have overreacted a bit. But...I was drunk. Which is not only illegal, but also dangerous.”

Naruto couldn’t be sure how much Sasuke tried to keep his tone steady, but it cracked in the end, hopefully from indignation, or even frustration, but in all likelihood, guilt. He didn’t know what to tell him, then. It’s not like he could beat him up to make him understand how wrong everything was. When he looked at him again, minutes later, he found him asleep, his mouth slightly parted, his bangs half-covering his eyes. It would be a cold day in hell before he could forget what he saw, but--at least Sasuke was alive. 

Asleep, he looked more calm than he really had a right to, as he drew in small breaths, his chest rising and falling in a steady pattern. Who would be crazy enough to do that to him? His eyes trailed to his hands, to the raw skin around his wrists. He refused to believe any sane man would do that to his son, so--so, either Sasuke’s father was crazy and should go to prison, or Sasuke had been lied to his entire life about the identity of his father. 

Naruto sat up, slowly pulling the pajamas pants up. Marks around the ankles, just like the ones on his wrist, and--and thin cuts on his left foot. He got up, rushing to the bathroom as quietly as he could, and locking the door behind him. He barely had time to kneel over the toilet before hot bile crawled up his throat. Once his stomach was empty, he washed his mouth, hoping against all hope that he could wash the mental images off just as easily as he could wash the disgusting taste off his mouth. 

What? It wasn’t enough to make sure he couldn’t sit, but they also had to make sure that it hurt to walk? It was insane. Unless Sasuke was part of a secret government agency that trained teens as spies, and this had just been a--a yearly review on his ability to withstand torture, then nothing like this should...be even remotely okay. 

He washed his face, rubbing his face raw with a towel, and took one breath. He stepped out of the room, relief washing over him when he saw that Sasuke was still asleep. Of course he was asleep, he must be exhausted. He stood there, just watching and trying to put a lid on his anger, only coming about when he heard an annoying vibrating sound coming from Sasuke’s backpack. His phone. Naruto looked down at the screen, watching the word  _ Dad _ illuminate it. Fucking Kakashi...unless--

Unless it was the real father--

In which case, also, fuck him, too, very much so. More than Kakashi. Although, who was to be blame more, the executioner or the bystander? 

Missed call.

A second later, it started vibrating again.  _ Dad _ .  _ Dad _ .  _ Dad _ . 

His thumb hovered the green button, but--if it was his real father, and Sasuke had gone through so much trouble to make sure that Naruto wasn’t...anywhere close to him, then--

He couldn’t pick up. Sasuke would get in more trouble, and...and he didn’t want to think about how that would look. 

Four missed calls. When the name flashed again, Naruto shook Sasuke’s shoulder, calling his name softly. No one should ever wake up looking as scared as he did, but there was no point crying over spilled milk. He handed him the phone, giving him what he could only hope was the right kind of encouraging smile. 

“Kakashi,” Sasuke said, probably for Naruto’s own benefit. Naruto took a seat next to him, leaning close when he picked up. 

“Are. You. Insane?” Kakashi’s voice didn’t quite sound like his teacher voice, it sounded hoarser and angrier. Naruto grabbed the blankets, curling them into tiny balls in his hands, taking a deep breath, as he tried to consider exactly how much the man had to be screaming down the line for Naruto to hear him so clearly. 

“I--” 

“Tell me, did they not beat you enough so that the message wasn’t clear, or did they hit you hard enough to turn you into an idiot?”

Before Sasuke could reply, Naruto had the phone in his hand. “WHAT THE HELL IS--” 

Sasuke yanked the phone back, shoving his hand in Naruto’s face and pushing him away. “That’s not--” He looked down at the phone, and when Naruto managed to move closer again, could hear that the call had ended. “He’s outside.”

“Well, fuck, you’re not seriously going to go with him, are you?” He didn’t want to sound accusatorily, but--well, he was the only one in the room who seemed to be thinking straight. 

Sasuke stared at him, his eyes unmoving, until the bell rang, long and hard. “We can...wait until your dad comes back and...you can talk with him, but you can’t leave him outside.”

“I don’t want him in my house, Sasuke--” 

“Then, I have to go with him,” Sasuke replied, getting up and picking up his backpack, which he decidedly did not pull over his shoulder. Of course not. Having something pressing against his back couldn’t be very fun.

“You’re not  _ going _ with him. That’s absolutely--” 

“Then invite him inside!”

“That--” he took a deep breath to swallow his thoughts. “He just--” 

“Pick.” Sasuke stared at him, “I don’t have all day.”

“ _ Fine _ ,” he spit out the word, walking to his door and opening it for Sasuke. When they were behind the front door, he spoke again, “but if you get within a five feet from him, I’m charging at him.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but gave a nod. Reluctantly, but still. He opened the door. Naruto couldn’t remember ever seeing  _ red _ , but...but he was, and his eyes were all focused on his chemistry teacher. What would the school do, if they found out that Mr. Hatake was a complecent party in the active abuse of a minor? Of his adoptive son? Naruto couldn’t possibly be the only person in the world who wanted to hit him in the face. 

“Where’s your uniform?” Kakashi sounded positively murderous. 

“I--” 

“It’s in my laundry basket,” Naruto butted in. “Do you have a problem with that?”

The man didn’t even spare him a glance, his eyes fixed on Sasuke. “I’m counting to three. Three--”

“YOU CAN’T--” 

Sasuke dropped his backpack and rushed upstairs. 

“Two.” Kakashi stopped counting, finally turning to look at him. “You missed a test, make-up will be on Tuesday during lunch.”

Naruto blinked. And swung his fist at the stupid, stupid mouth that thought it was appropiate to talk about a test after showing up at his doorframe, after his adopted son showed up at his doorstep, with half his back peeled off, and the other half bloody purple. His face got pushed against the doorframe, his right hand no longer curled but pressed against the back of his neck. 

“Normally,” Kakashi began, “I would just have stepped to the side and let you land on your face, but I need to make sure you’re paying attention, just for a minute or two.” Naruto reached with his other hand, only to have it grabbed and held behind his back in a death grip. “If you call the authorities, the only thing that you’re going to accomplish is have Sasuke dissapear from your life in a flash, without having the benefit of ever knowing if he is alive or dead. Do you want that? Do you want to be old and covered with wrinkles, forgetting all your memories from old age, but never able to erase that annoying feeling that the guy you liked so much at sixteen died because you made rash decisions based on insufficient data?” He let him go. Naruto stayed there. “Tell me you want that, and I’ll call the police for you this instant.”

Swallowing, Naruto shook his head. He didn’t want that. He wanted Sasuke to be safe, and not hurting anymore, and he wanted him to heal. To be okay. He rubbed his wrist, looking away, looking at the ground when he heard Sasuke coming back. His stomach twisted when he felt his shoulder squeezed, heard the soft  _ bye _ escaping out of Sasuke. Keys jingled. And then, he couldn’t feel Sasuke anymore. When he glanced up, Sasuke was throwing his backpack in the backseat. 

“I--” 

“We’re trying our best, Naruto,” Kakashi said, tilting his head, presumably to get a better look at him. “Tell your dad I’d like to meet with him after-school on Monday. We can talk then. If you’re not busy tomorrow, he can come over and you guys can catch up on homework. Both of you need to.”

Naruto closed the door and leaned down the wall, until he was sitting on the ground. His dad found him hours later. 


	13. Chapter 13

“Believe me, I would put him in jail if I could, but I can’t,” Kakashi’s words were hard to hear. “And skipping school is not earning either of us any brownie points.”

Sasuke glanced at Naruto’s house, still there, the car still parked in front of it. Kakashi’s hands were curled tightly around the steering wheel, his knuckles white, even if the keys weren’t even in the ignition. “I was worried about him,” he mumbled. “He was absent for three days.”

“You were absent for four,” Kakashi said. “And I thought you said you were only hanging out with him to make sure he didn’t do anything, and I quote,  _ stupid _ . I would think that showing up like this would propel him to do a couple of stupid things.”

Sasuke stared down at his lap. He  _ had _ told Kakashi that. After camping, after that whole thing happened, he had planned on spending more time with Naruto, if only to make sure that he wouldn’t do anything stupid, with the added bonus that Naruto actually liked him. It had been easy to convince himself that it was the only reason why he was making him breakfast and staying up late rewriting textbooks for him, and convince Kakashi of that, but--but he didn’t strictly mind Naruto’s company. Plus, he had promised that he would go if something happened, and while he wouldn’t have minded not going to avoid the argument, Naruto had made everything easier for him by not calling or showing up. It was only fair that he kept his side of the bargin too. 

“Are you going to start the--” 

“No.” Kakashi replied. “I’m not done scolding you--” 

Sasuke sighed. “Haven’t I been scolded enough?”

Kakashi spared him a glance, “evidently not. I told attendance that you were feeling sick, so it shouldn’t be counted as skipping, but the least you could have done was tell me before leaving.”

“I know, I’m--” 

“You don’t know because if you knew, I wouldn’t have to tell you this. The fact that we’re having this conversation means that you don’t know,” Kakashi took a breath. It was out of place for him, having to calm down by physically slowing down his breathing, Sasuke couldn’t help but move a little away. “When I think you’re in school, that’s where you have to be. If you’re supposed to be in practice, then that’s where your butt has to be. I can’t do my job if I don’t know where you are, and I don’t appreciate the way you are making my job harder.”

Ouch. “Everyone skips--” 

“Everyone skips school and everyone drinks, are those really your best excuses? I can’t keep you safe unless I know where you are--nevermind that you shouldn’t be skipping or drinking in the first place. I thought you’d gotten the message painfully clear.”

Sasuke looked outside the window. Nothing interesting to see, but better than looking at Kakashi. Swallowing, he replied, “I did--” 

“Did you, though?”

Sasuke kept quiet. He’d expected Kakashi’s reaction, but it didn’t mean that he liked it, or was even prepared to handle it. It seemed like he couldn’t stop making bad judgment calls, and knew, deep down, that his father and Kakashi were right, he had jeapordize his safety rather stupidly, but he didn’t want to admit to that yet. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

The car moved. “You know, you can’t seem to think since we got here. You’ve never been this reckless--” 

“Well, my father has never gotten you or someone else to beat me within an inch of my life, so sorry to break it to you, but sometimes people change! And not for the better.” He got out of the car when it stopped, slamming the door as hard as he could, before rushing inside the house. Urushi followed him to his bedroom, and he let the dog in before locking the door. Dropping to his knees, his forehead pressed against the wooden door.

Why couldn’t he have been the one who died? Itachi would have been able to handle everything like an angel, without batting an eye. Of course, that would have required his dad to care that they kidnapped the youngest son, which--he probably would not have cared much, if he cared at all. He wiped his cheeks, the familiar wetness on them, he’d cried so much lately, it was a wonder he still had stupid tears to give. 

Could he surgically remove tear ducts? Would that help anything? He punched the wall, barely registering the pain--it didn’t matter, he couldn’t feel it anymore. If he had survived the weekend, he could survive bruised knuckles. 

“You better not put a hole in the door.”

How did Kakashi’s voice carry so well throughout the house? Did they teach that stuff in teacher credential programs? Sasuke punched the door again. And again. A bruised hand wasn’t anything. 

The door knob rattled. “Open the door.”

“No.” Sasuke stood up, looking down at his hand. It was nothing. A trail of blood. Forming bruises. Nothing he didn’t have the pleasure of knowing already. The door knob rattled again. Urushi barked. He headed to the bathroom, running cold water over his hand, relieved that he could feel it; going to the hospital with a broken hand was not something he needed right now. Or ever. 

He closed the faucet, hunting for a bandage. There were plenty to choose from, of course, but he grabbed the one on top, the easiest to grab. When he opened the door, he handed it over to Kakashi, and offered his hand, his eyes fixed on it as the bandage went around and around it, covering the ugly sight. 

“There’s no hole,” he said, after checking that indeed, there was no hole. Thankfully. He didn’t want to think what would happen if he really did punch a hole through a door. Kakashi would probably remove the entire door and claim he lost the privilege of privacy. Like he had any privacy to begin with. 

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke nodded. He didn’t know what Kakashi wanted him to tell him. He was in pain and feeling awful, in every sense of the word, but evidently, Kakashi was in a bad mood, understandably, he supposed, considering how caring he’d been the past few days, it really was a wonder he hadn’t let the frustration out already. As soon as he turned eighteen, he was leaving everything. Taking Urushi. He’d already been forced to toss out an identity before, he could toss out another one again. Kakashi would finally be rid of him, then. It was the least he could. 

“Is it okay if I go to bed?”

Kakashi finished wrapping his hand. “Do you need pills?”

Sasuke shook his head, gently closing the door in Kakashi’s face, not locking it this time, but Kakashi’s footsteps were fading, so it didn’t matter. He changed, unironically wishing he had Naruto’s lucky pajamas, and crawled into bed, letting Urushi stay by his feet, knowing full well that by tomorrow, the dog would be sprawled out, taking over half of the bed. It didn’t matter. At least Urushi liked him. Probably cared about him, too--not as much as squirrels, of course, but maybe more than tennis balls. 

It was barely five o’clock, but his sleeping schedule was shot to hell already. If he was lucky, he would probably sleep about three hours, here and there, throughout the night--but he wasn’t known for his luck, so he was looking at a full night of no sleep, just like the night before. Between the pain, worry, and--he shoved his face into the pillow. He could not start thinking about his mom, about his brother, right now. He could not. He could not do that to himself. He would not.

He could not. He could not. He could not. He could not. He could--

He pushed himself to his knees, panting. Did Naruto really have to be watching that? He’d be a little worried, but knowing Naruto, if he really suspected anything, he would have just taken the liberty to guess that Fugaku Uchiha was his father. And if he knew that--then. He could not. He should have taken the damm sleeping pills. 

He wiped the sweat off his forehead, wiped his hands on the bedsheet. So clammy. So gross. So disgusting. Glancing at the clock confirmed that it was only eight. Which--really set up the rest of the night to be absolutely fantastic. He couldn’t do it. He stood up, staring at Urushi. He looked so bored, and it’s not like Sasuke had anything better to do. He put on jogger pants and a sweater, and headed downstairs, feeling a tiny smile when Urushi bounded behind him. 

“I’m taking him on a walk,” Sasuke said. Kakashi was in the kitchen, washing his china, a pot of coffee brewing on the stove. “Around the neighborhood.”

“Take your phone,” Kakashi replied. 

Sasuke waited for a moment to see if Kakashi would at least look at him, but he never did. Biting back a sigh, he put the leash on Urushi and headed outside, the cool air bringing some comfort. He halted in front of Naruto’s house, staring at the door. But before he could decide what to do, Urushi dragged him across their driveway, and Sasuke--he was too tired to hold him back. He knocked once. Twice. The door opened.

It was Mr. Uzumaki. There was something twisting his insides, but--he took a small breath. He was the one who had knocked. And Mr. Uzumaki, although not exactly greeting him, didn’t exactly look like he wanted to punch him either. Which was nice. There weren’t a lot of people in his life at the moment who didn’t want to punch him. “Good...evening, Mr. Uzumaki. I’m--” 

“Do you want some company as you walk Urushi?” Mr. Uzumaki asked, the faintest smile on his face. It didn’t reach his eyes. But it was fine, Sasuke hated himself too. 

He nodded, stepping back so that Naruto’s dad could close the door. They walked in silence until they arrived at the park, where Mr. Uzumaki took a seat in an empty bench. Sasuke followed suit, swallowing any questionable sounds that threatened to escape. Just like school. Swallow. Smile. Swallow. Smile. “I saw Naruto today.”

“I know,” Mr. Uzumaki said, his voice barely above a whisper. “He told me.”

“How is he?”

Mr. Uzumaki turned to look at him. Maybe it was worry in his eyes. Could be. Could also be anger. It’s not like Sasuke was good at reading people, he was an idiot, in fact. Not just at reading people, but just generally. “Asleep,” he said. “Somewhat distressed. How are you?”

Sasuke offered up a small smile, and a tiny shrug, “not...distressed.” Why--why was he an idiot? He shook his head, “I just meant, I’m sorry for showing up unnanounced, both times, Urushi pulled me, no, not before. Now. With Naruto, Urushi wasn’t there.”

“You don’t have to apologize for showing up. Naruto was worried about you, and I know he was glad to see you, regardless of the circumstances, and I’m glad to see you too, and I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, really talk to, I’m here.”

Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes were just like Naruto’s, except that he didn’t seem to mind prolonged eye contact. It was a bit unsettling, but not in a bad way. Sasuke nodded, managing to look away. He would like someone to talk with, if he was being honest. He never realized how little people cared about him because he’d never needed to talk to anyone about real issues besides Kakashi. Normally, at this time of the year, Kakashi would be doing his best to distract him and make sure he was fine, but--but Kakashi was somewhat preoccupied now. Somewhat angry with him. Understandably. If he was in Kakashi’s position, saddled with a brat who just couldn’t seem to think properly, he would be rather angry too.

“My mom’s death anniversary is coming up.” He heard his voice crack. “And my brother’s. I know I haven’t...I’ve lived without them longer than I lived with them, ever was an Uchiha, but--I...” he trailed off, blinking and swallowing the large lump in his throat. He couldn’t do it. “Normally,” he cleared his thoat. “Normally, Kakashi calls and says I’m sick, but I already missed school so much because I was stupid. A stupid, little boy who can’t think through consequences, and...”

His brother was dead. His mom was dead. And he’d been drinking so much, and he hadn’t given a single fuck if he was too uncordinated to defend himself. Like his family hadn’t lost their lives fighting to stay alive. He felt an arm around his shoulders; Mr. Uzumaki pulling him closer. Sasuke let it so, allowing him a second to pretend that it was really his mom. 

His dead mom. Tortured and chopped like a piece of meat for money. And his dead brother, his body still missing--and--

And he’d had the audacity to get drunk? His body still hurt, everything hurt, but he couldn’t help but agree with his father. He’d been an idiot, and he couldn’t be an idiot again, unless he wanted to end up dead too--which--he kind of did, if he was being honest, but not--he couldn’t be, or else he’d just be spitting on his family’s grave. He couldn’t die. Not from reckless behavior. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Mr. Uzumaki--he’d almost forgotten he was there. Sasuke shook his head, “no, I...no. It’s been ten years, I’m not even sad, I’ve just been sentimental lately, and I--I haven’t slept, and I got really behind in classes, there’s a test in history and I already know I’m going to fail it, but--but I’d love if I didn’t? It’s not really a good time to fail tests right now, so.” He shrugged. He had tried to concentrate and to study, but he couldn’t concentrate, everything too distracting, and he clearly too much of a wimp. He could feel Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes on him. He didn’t mind. He did. But he wasn’t going to tell him to stop. Urushi was resting underneath the bench; good, now that he was sitting down, Sasuke didn’t think he could ever get back up. “I’m sorry I keep saddling you with my problems, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“You’re not saddling me with anything, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said, firmly. “Since you told me, I’ve been grateful each day that I know that you aren’t missing, but it pains me that you’re hurting.”

Sasuke swallowed, the lie that he wasn’t hurting in the tip of his tongue. But he was. It hurt, and it still did, and he couldn’t believe his father had actually--obviously, his father had always been a spare the rod, spoil the child kind of person, but...it felt a bit over the top--no. No, it didn’t. He’d deserved it. He did. “It was my first time drinking, but--I get it. Obviously. I didn’t have any business drinking, but I don’t think...it would have been this bad if it wasn’t around these dates.”

“Regardless of what you did or did not do,” Mr. Uzumaki began. Sasuke could tell where it was going, and Mr. Uzumaki was wrong. “What happened was not an appropiate reaction.”

“He’s just trying to keep me safe.”

Mr. Uzumaki pulled him closer. “Can you think of other ways to keep you safe?”

“Yeah. Getting locked up in a room for the rest of my life,” Sasuke replied. He didn’t know how long they had been sitting there, but Urushi was asleep under the bench, and the sky’s light was fading away. “I can’t do that.”

“No. No, no one should have to do that,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “Sasuke, I’m reaching out to Mr. Uchiha and letting him know that there’s a cop one house down that would take a thousand bullets for you. You’re living with a man who would take a thousand more. If he wants to keep you safe, he’ll be happy to know that you are safe.”

“You can’t tell him that!” Sasuke stood up. “He’s going to kill me if he finds out I’ve told you. He doesn’t like cops, Mr. Uzumaki, and--” 

Mr. Uzumaki patted the space where he hadn’t just been sitting, and he actually, sat back down again. “That would be somewhat counterproductive, would it not?”

There was something pressing down on his chest. “No. No. Dad wants to keep me safe, but that doesn’t mean he likes me. Clearly, keeping me safe doesn’t mean keeping me physically...fine. I’m not entirely sure he wants to keep me safe, just alive.” Sasuke knew, deep down, that his father only wanted to keep him alive as a...belated favor to his mom. “He hates me, Mr. Uzumaki. And it’s fine. I don’t like him either, but I can’t--if he finds out you know, he’s going to...I don’t think I could go through it again.” He was a coward, which meant that he would never get in a car like that again, which meant that Kakashi would end up in prison, and--and his father would take him and...and make it worse. He couldn’t do it. 

His mother--if he had to go through that again, he would kill himself. He couldn’t. He knew that what his mom and brother went through had been so much worse, but he was a coward, always had been, always will be, and he just--he had been surprised that he couldn’t have just died. He’d tried to, at one point. He’d been trying to cut his wrists with the shackles, but--but he noticed and...tape wasn’t quite as sharp. And. 

“Kiddo!”

Sasuke blinked. His eyes focusing on the snapping fingers in front of him. The park. On a bench. With Naruto’s dad. “Sorry, I...” he shook his head. “Please don’t...ever talk to my dad, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Someone has to. This can’t happen again.”

“It won’t!” Sasuke took a deep breath. “It won’t, I promise, I won’t drink again.”

“That’s not--” 

“Yes, it is.” Why--why couldn’t he have just died? He should be dead. “It is. I’m underage, and drinking is illegal, and I shouldn’t have, but I did, but I won’t. Again. Don’t talk to him, Mr. Uzumaki--I can’t.” He took a deep breath. 

“I can’t have this happen again, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki turned to look at him. “Do you understand me?”

“It won’t,” Sasuke repeated. The last light had gone, and everything was faded around him, the trees just dark, tall shadows. “It won’t, I promise.”

Mr. Uzumaki looked depressed. “You can’t guarantee that.”

“I can. I will.” Sasuke nodded, “I won’t do anything stupid again, and father won’t need to do anything. I already told Naruto, I’m never drinking again. I promise.” 

“Sasuke--” 

“Please.” He glanced down at Urushi, curled up into a ball, his tail hidding half his nose. His dad would take him away. He’d take everything away. And to make everything worse, it would be his own fault. Why had he gone to that party? He didn’t even like Halloween. No one died that night, but...but it had been almost as worse. He didn’t think he would ever be able to lay on his back without pain coursing through his veins. “Just don’t do that.”

“Do you want to stay the night?”

Sasuke looked up. He did. Kakashi needed the break, the space, and he...would like to not go back home. At least in Naruto’s place, there were no cameras. But he couldn’t. “I think not showing up for the night would constitute doing something stupid, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, standing up and tapping his foot gently near Urushi, waking him up. “I should really go back, actually. It’s dark.” And he was grounded. 

Mr. Uzumaki stood up, still looking depressed. Another reason to hate himself. “Kakashi asked to speak on Monday and I promise, I will keep what you’ve said in mind,” he said, as they walked through the tall grass. “But if he feels that you’re safety is--” 

“No!” Sasuke took a deep breath. “No. He won’t feel like that.” He couldn’t have Kakashi being an idiot too--did he not understand he was going to end up in prison? He shook his head, “dad’s not--I mean, Kakashi can’t. I’m pretty sure he’s getting paid to keep me with him.” He was not. Money would be too easily traced, but he didn’t care about that right now. He halted in front of Naruto’s house. Was he still asleep? He hoped so. “You guys can’t go around deciding my life, Mr. Uzumaki! I’m fine. I messed up. I know. But that doesn’t mean I should go live with my father.” He couldn’t do it. 

Mr. Uzumaki stood in front of the door, staring at him. It looked like he was going to grab him and pull him into his house--which, Sasuke wouldn’t mind, but--but he needed to get home. “Will you come and work on that chemistry project tomorrow?”

Sasuke nodded. “Mr Uzumaki...I really like Naruto, but I can’t have him do anything stupid, and I can’t have you do anything stupid either, and I can’t have Kakashi do it either.”

“Go home, Sasuke. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“You have to promise--” 

“I need to talk to Kakashi first.”

Sasuke looked down at Urushi. Maybe they really should run away. Why couldn’t they just listen to him? He couldn’t live with his dad. He couldn’t. He’d never see the light of day again, and--he couldn’t. His father still lived in the same house and he just couldn’t do that. He glanced up, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Uzumaki. Have a good night.”

Mr. Uzumaki still looked like he would drag him inside. But he didn’t. “You too, Sasuke.”

He managed to smile, and then turned his back on him, heading down the driveway. And up to his. He turned the key, pushing the door, and walking inside. The lights were off. He left the leash in the closet, heading upstairs. Kakashi’s bedroom light was on, but--he needed space. He did. The walk to his own bedroom was longer than it should have been, but it was okay. He was just tired. 

His bed was cold. It didn’t matter. Urushi stayed on the floor, his paws moving ocasionally like he was chasing squirrels. Comforting sounds in the middle of the night--the whole night. More comforting than his mom’s cut up face showing up every time he blinked. 

\---------

He knocked on Naruto’s door after walking Urushi. Not running. He couldn’t run. Not anymore. But Urushi was probably going to be fine. Sasuke couldn’t help it--it still hurt. And he was a wimp. 

“Hey,” Naruto said, opening the glass door for him. “Have you eaten?” Although Naruto’s hair looked messy, tousled in every and all directions, like he’d been asleep the whole night, his eyes told a completely different story. 

“Not hungry,” Sasuke said. “But I don’t mind waiting for you to eat.” 

“I’m not hungry either,” Naruto replied. “You want to work here, or go downstairs?”

Sasuke shrugged, trying to get some moisture in his eyes by blinking. They were so dry, he needed to buy eye drops. “Either way it’s fine.”

Naruto walked to the bed, yanking his bedsheets and pillow, letting them fall on the ground. “Might as well, right?”

Sasuke laid down, one of the pillows underneath his chin. Naruto followed, dragging his backpack closer to them. “Yeah.”

They got to work. Without much luck. Three more hours wasted in that project, and Sasuke was sure that it was a joke. There was no way anyone could figure it out, and it sounded just like Kakashi. Trolling a bunch of rich people’s kids, though, sure was a great way to ensure being fired. 

“I’m a little hungry now,” Naruto said, softly, half the words mumbled into the pillow. 

Sasuke glanced at him. He looked exhausted. “I can make you pancakes, if you guys have the ingredients.”

Naruto turned on his side. “You know how to make waffles?”

Sasuke nodded, standing up. Taking in a sharp breath when his left foot made contact with the ground--why was he such a fucking wimp? Honestly. “They’re a lot easier than pancakes.”

“And yummier,” Naruto said, walking out the bedroom, his voice considerably lower than it had been a moment ago. 

Sasuke kept quiet too, as they walked passed the master bedroom, the words spoken in the front door still present in his mind. He crashed against Naruto, standing at the end of the stairs. It took him a moment for his mind to catch up too, and they shouldn’t have bothered being so quiet. Kakashi was standing in the kitchen, his back turned away from them, but Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes were fixed on them both. 

Their conversation ended, making Sasuke really wonder if they’d come up with a secret signal. Kakashi turned around, looking as exhausted as Naruto, as Mr. Uzumaki--more exhausted than Sasuke must look himself. “Fancy seeing you here,” he said, his tone flat and steady, coating faint amusement. 

“You too,” Sasuke replied. “I’m making waffles for Naruto.” 

“Funny.” Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki stepped to opposite sides, one to the left, the other to the right, revealing a plate with a stack of...waffles. Already made. 

Sasuke tried to keep the annoyance from his face. It was stupid to feel anything other than gratefulness, but...he had been looking forward to making Naruto breakfast, a small way to alleviate the guilt crushing his throat for making Naruto look as sleep deprived as he did. 

“Why don’t you guys wait at the table?”

Mr. Uzumaki was so damm nice that Sasuke didn’t even bat an eye when Naruto dragged him over to the living room. 

“How long do you think they’ve been talking?” Naruto asked, although if Sasuke hadn’t been so close to him, he would have never been able to hear him.

Sasuke swallowed a sigh. “I don’t know. He was still at home when I came over.” At least, he thought he had been. It wasn’t like he had peeked inside Kakashi’s bedroom. He couldn’t do that. “Do you think they heard you wanted to eat waffles?”

“I don’t think they would have had time to make so many so fast,” Naruto pointed out, rather reasonably. 

Sasuke felt some of the tension leave. That made sense. He was an idiot. “I--” 

“You guys,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “Come on. You two must be hungry.”

Sasuke still wasn’t hungry, but he knew for a fact that Kakashi couldn’t make waffles, especially not golden ones, which meant that Mr. Uzumaki made them, and he’d already rejected some of his food, a few weeks ago, in those stupid woods, and he couldn’t do it again. He took a seat, fully aware that six pairs of eyes were fixed on him, but--he thought he managed to keep his face flat, rather impressively if he did say so himself. He’d never noticed how uncomfortable the chairs were. 

Not as uncomfortable as that fucking table, of course, but--but, still. Still. Just a little. Just enough. He picked up the knife and fork, and cut a small piece. The syrup was too far away, and--anyway, he’d never been a fan of sweets. It was quiet. Sasuke was sure that Kakashi was sending secret messages to Mr. Uzumaki, and if he would just look up, he would be able to decipher them, but no matter how much effort he put into wanting to look away from his plate, he could not. 

“Naruto--” 

“I’m not leaving.”

Sasuke looked up. Naruto looked like he was about ready to find a hot glue gun and attach himself to the chair. “I’ll tell you everything.”

The surprise on Naruto’s face was evident, with his blue eyes opened wide, his mouth parted. “Really?”

Sasuke nodded. He’d become exceedingly intimate with Naruto’s stubborn ability to guess things with an unbelievable success rate. He might as well save him the energy and save himself the aggravation and just tell him. “Promise,” he said. Naruto stood up then, his footsteps soon fading upstairs. A door closing. Sasuke turned to the adults, sitting opposite him. “I can’t promise he won’t try to eavesdrop.”

“You want something to drink?” Mr. Uzumaki asked.

Sasuke shook his head, unable to look away from Kakashi, unable to decide who had the biggest bags under their eyes. “No, thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Mr. Uzumaki smiled, softly. Sasuke was beginning to see why he might be an excellent job--anyone would want to spill their sins to someone who was that amazing at playing the good cop. “Kakashi was just telling me that he doesn’t know where they took you.”

Was that supposed to be a question? Sasuke shook his head. “It was a long drive.” He’d tried to keep track of the turns, but he couldn’t. He was an idiot. Maybe if he just blurted that out, they would understand. Although, Kakashi had known him for so long, he really should know better. 

“Do you remember anything?”

A house in the middle of a giant, dead field--the grass golden, ready to be burned away. Sasuke shook his head. “Kinda blocked it out.” 

“I understand,” Mr. Uzumaki said.

For a second, Sasuke almost believed him. Until he realized that if he had blocked it out, they might think that he was traumatized, which he was not. He turned to Kakashi, deciding for diversion. “You know, if you’re trying so hard to get rid of me, you could just tell my dad.” A week or so ago, those words would have killed him, but now--he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“I’m not trying to get rid of you. Just trying to keep you safe.”

Mr. Uzumaki stood up. “Sasuke--” 

“You’re not!” Sasuke looked down at his lap, before managing to stare at him again. He heard Mr. Uzumaki pulling the chair next to him, Naruto’s chair, back and taking a seat. “You’re getting Mr. Uzumaki involved and father is going to find out and I’m not...going with him.” He’d run away. He’d--

“Of course not. Why would I want to send you back with him? Sasuke, honestly, I know that this--” 

“No, you don’t!” He wasn’t entirely sure what he was saying anymore, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t live with his father--what would he do if he found out Kakashi didn’t even want him anymore? Why didn’t he want him anymore? He got it, he’d been a bit stupid lately, a little bit of a brat, but sometimes, people were just brats. It didn’t mean that it was permanent. 

“I’m not sending you to your father, are you kidding?” Kakashi’s fists curled up, for a second, before his palms were flat on the table again. “I’m trying to make sure he can’t hurt you again. Can you please just let me help you?”

“How will telling the police help anything?” He turned to Mr. Uzumaki, “no offense, but last time he talked to the police, he ended up with a dead wife and a dead son. You’re just going to make it worse. Just like--” 

“Sasuke.”

He snapped back to Kakashi, feeling the adrenaline sucked out of him. “I just meant that--I already promised I wouldn’t drink ever again. Can’t we all just move passed this?” Already, he’d paid so much for drinking. He wasn’t sure he could give anything else. He didn’t want to. He couldn’t. He’d be happy if he never had to hear about his father again, let alone see him, but if he continued to make stupid choices, eventually, his father would be forced to visit, and--and. And. He looked down at his hands. The long sleeves hid the red marks now, but he’d seen them in the morning, healing slowly, but. But not fast enough. He wasn’t sure they would ever fade completely. 

“Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said. Sasuke turned to face him, an apology for his earlier outburst on the tip of his tongue. “I know police have let you and your family down, and I cannot imagine the pain that your father is in every day, but that doesn’t give him the right to take it out on you.”

“He’s stressed out. Mom...died almost ten years ago, and it was the wrong month to be stupid.” He shrugged. Not--thinking about his mom. But--how much would she hate him now, knowing he was conspiring against her husband? It..he couldn’t send his father to--to wherever rich people went when they did something bad. And that was the problem wasn’t it? Rich people got a slap on the wrist and then let go, and when Fugaku Uchiha was let go, he’d destroyed Kakashi, and...and Mr. Uzumaki, and Mrs. Uzumaki, and Naruto, and Sasuke--he couldn’t be a part of that. “If you guys do anything against him, I’m going to run away.” Saying he’d killed himself was too dramatic. But he would. Run away. He didn’t want to be anywhere around the aftermath--cowardly, he knew. 

“Don’t say that.”

Sasuke managed to keep his eyes steady, looking at Kakashi. He crossed his arms. “Then don’t overreact. You’re worse than Naruto.”

“Sasuke--” 

He clenched his jaw, “and Mr. Uzumaki,” he turned to him. He looked so much like Naruto. So eager. So sad. “If you’re really worried about me, you’ll convince Naruto to let this go.”

“I’m not a miracle worker, I can’t convince him, that’ll make me a hypocrite, wouldn’t it?”

Sasuke mustered all his strength to glare. It didn’t last long, not when Mr. Uzumaki was looking at him like that. So damm nice. Riling Kakashi was a lot easier. “Can I go?”

Kakashi’s eyes trailed from him to Mr. Uzumaki, and then back. Why did it always look like he was wearing a mask? He’d known Kakashi for so long and he still couldn’t read him. Kakashi nodded in the direction of the stairs. “Go catch up Naruto.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, wanting to stalk off, but--but this was Mr. Uzumaki’s home, and...and his emotions were all over the place, but that didn’t mean he needed to make a bigger scene. Than he’d already make. To be fair, he’d only reacted to a bunch of adults who were focused on ruining his life. “Are you leaving?”

“Mr. Uzumaki and I are continuing the conversation.” He nodded in the direction of the stairs, “leave.”

For a second, Sasuke considered refusing, because if they were going to seat down and discuss his future, then he deserved to at least hear the conversation, but Kakashi was looking at him like he would chase him to Naruto’s bedroom, and he didn’t think that’d necessarily hit him, but--but he couldn’t risk it. He got up, pushed the chair in, and headed upstairs. Completely unsurprised when he found Naruto crouched down at the top of the stairs, who offered a half-hearted shrugged. 

Sasuke followed him to his bedroom, closing the door softly. “I take it you don’t need me to catch you up.”

Naruto shook his head, looking almost guilty. “I couldn’t resist. You don’t want to eavesdrop on them right now?”

He should. He really should. He needed to find out what the worst case scenario was. But if Kakashi found out, he’d be making that worst case much worse. “No. It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.”

Naruto sat on his bed. “Can I ask you something?”

Sasuke stared at him. He really did look just like his dad, he’d make an excellent cop one day. “If I say no, would that be considered cruel and unusual for you?”

He kept quiet for a long time, the silence unsettling coming from him. “A little, but I’ll respect it, if you want.”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow when Naruto nodded. Funny, this whole messed really started with him--maybe, he should be more pissed with Naruto, but he couldn’t find it in himself. It was those stupid blue eyes, he was sure. Maybe if he forced him to wear sunglasses, then he could beat--not that he would. Sasuke never wanted to hit anyone in his life, not even as a joke. “It’s fine. Ask away,” he said, laying down on the ground. He reached for the orange pillow with a blue fox...biting a ball, or something. An apple, maybe. He wasn’t sure if foxes even ate apples. 

“Why don’t you want to press charges?”

Sasuke chuckled, shoving his head in the pillow, not caring if his words were muffled. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

His mom would hate him. His brother probably would hate him too. His father had too much money. He’d come out eventually, and then--then Sasuke would have to kill himself. And then, his father would go after Kakashi, and...Mr. Uzumaki and Naruto. In fact, it wouldn’t even have to be his father. He knew that no one had gone to prison for his family’s murder, which meant that unless they were dead, they were still out there. If he tried to sue Fugaku Uchiha, it would come with uncontrollable press, and then--people might come after him. He would still jump off a cliff, of course, but could he convinced Naruto to jump too? Of course not. That was awful. But that really meant, that Naruto was going to be in danger from association, either from murderers or his father, and. And he wouldn’t even know. And Sasuke couldn’t have that in his conscience. “It’s--” 

“Complicated. I know,” Naruto said. Sasuke felt him sit next to him, felt a hand barely touching his back, he did his best not to flinch. “But--I mean, unless he’s a super famous person, then it can’t be that complicated, right? And if Kakashi is your legal guardian, then your father doesn’t really have any power over you, right?” 

He was so tired. He turned on his side, managing to stare at Naruto. “He’s Fugaku Uchiha,” he said, closing his eyes. At least if Naruto got kidnapped, he would have a chance to rat him out. It was the least he could do.

“What?”

Sasuke opened his eyes. Naruto looked pissed. It wasn’t a good look on him. “My father? Is Fugaku Uchiha. Can you imagine what is going to happen if I take him to court?”

“Fu--Fugaku Uchiha? From the Uchiha--” 

“Murders. Yeah.” Sasuke turned on his back, doing his best to ignore the flashing pain. Almost a week later? He really was a wimp. And Naruto’s ceiling needed glow-in-the-dark stars. Or some decorations. It was boring. “Now--” 

“Your father is Fugaku Uchiha?”

“Yup.” Sasuke’s eyes widened when Naruto’s face covered the patch of ceiling he’d been staring at. 

“The man who lost his entire family decided to send you to someone to beat you up?”

Sasuke shoved him to the side, so he could sit up. “You realize that I’m only telling you this so if someone ever points a gun at your face and asks about me, you can tell them, right? And also, to stop telling me to do something I can’t do.”

Naruto stared, for what felt like hours, and then stood up. Walked to his bathroom. Closed the door. There was a click. Sasuke laid back down, closing his eyes. He heard muffled curses coming from the bathroom. With a sigh, he stood up, knocking on the door. Again. “Are you going to come out?”

The door opened. “I hope you didn’t tell me for that, because I would gladly die before ratting you out,” he said. “And I hope you know that if I ever get the pleasure of seeing Fugaku Uchiha, I’m going to end up in jail for attempted murder.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, taking him by the sleeve and walking to the bed. “You’re not ever meeting him, don’t worry about it.”

“I can’t believe I own so much of his products,” Naruto mumbled to himself, “I need to throw them out.”

Sasuke shoved him to the bed, watching him flop down. “Don’t be stupid. You already bought them, you wasted the money, you don’t need to throw them away. You can’t tell anyone, though.”

“How stupid do you think I am?” Naruto said, although it sounded like he was still talking to himself. “Karin showed me a video...she might. She’s not usually interested, of course, but she wanted to know when your birthday was--” 

“December 25 th .”

“Really?”

“No. It’s actually sometime in July,” Sasuke shrugged. The ninth? Eleventh? He couldn’t remember anymore. It didn’t matter. “Kakashi let me pick my new birthday though, and stupid me picked Christmas.” 

Naruto was looking at him like he was about to cry. Pity. “You’re not stupid.”

Sasuke chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I have about sixteen years of evidence to prove you wrong.”

Naruto shook his head. “I don’t--why?” His voice cracked. 

“Born under a bad sign, maybe? I--” 

“I mean,” his shoulders rose with a small breath. “Why would he do this to you?”

He sounded so heartbroken, it almost made him heartbroken too. Sasuke nudged him, “don’t worry your pretty, little head over it. Just remember, if someone is pointing a gun at your--” 

“I already told you I’m not doing that!”

Sasuke took a seat next to him. Such a fucking wimp. “If--” 

“Besides,” Naruto glanced at him. “Who would hold a gun to my face? It seems like the only person who would do that is Fugaku--” 

“Why would he do that?”

“Why would he do this to you?” Naruto hid his face in his hands. Crouched down like that, he looked tiny. 

Great. Now, he’d gone and traumatized Naruto. He rubbed his right wrist, he should have just. Breathe. Kept quiet? Killed himself? Breathe. “I told you, he doesn’t like me drinking. I shouldn’t have.”

“That’s not--a good reason!” Naruto jumped to his feet. It looked like he was fighting to keep tears from spilling over. “That’s terrible! He...you’re the only one he has left, and--he shouldn’t treat you like this. You could have shot up heroin, and he still shouldn’t have done this to you.”

Sasuke shrugged. “To be fair, he didn’t actually do anything, strictly speaking.”

“Are you sure he’s your father?”

Sasuke paused, raising an eyebrow. Had he broken Naruto? Enough for him to blabber nonsense, evidently. “Yes. I’m pretty sure.”

“But--” 

“You’re overreacting,  _ again _ ,” he said, pulling Naruto back to the bed. “It happens. And, I really shouldn’t have been drinking alcohol. Some kids get grounded, I just happened to be hit a bit, but it’s fine. You live and you learned.”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Naruto said, but before Sasuke could get another word in, he was dragged to the bathroom. His shirt lifted. “Look at this right now, and tell me you seriously think that this was an appropiate response to getting drunk. If you weren’t beaten up this badly,  _ I _ would beat sense into you.”

Sasuke would have hated to see Naruto’s reaction on Monday. He had looked ten times worse then. The truth was that he was healing--slowly, sure. But he was. Shrugging Naruto’s hold off, he pulled his shirt down. Pulled the sleeves down harder, all the way to cover the tip of his fingers. Not looking at the mirror. Not looking. “Go ahead and try. Unless you have some rope in hand, and you manage to tie me down, I’m willing to bet that you couldn’t land a single hand on me.”

Naruto shoved him out of the bathroom. “You’re not taking this seriously.”

“You’re taking it too seriously. Enough for both of us.”

“Does my dad know?”

Sasuke chuckled, “how do you think we stopped him from throwing CPS at us? All thanks to you of course.”

Naruto’s eyes fixed on the ground. “I hope he arrests him.”

Sasuke shoved him. A little harder than he intended. “If he arrests him, I’m pretty much dead meat. Glad to know how little you care about me.” He couldn’t decide how serious the last part was, but...but he didn’t care. 

“Don’t say that.” Naruto had, clearly, taken it seriously. “I care about you.” A sound that sounded like a huff. Or like a chuckle. “I think I’ve cared about you ever since my dad got that case. I spent a whole year praying that you and your brother would be found. I don’t remember to what I was praying, but dad couldn’t sleep. And mom couldn’t either.”

“That’s...kind of creepy.”

Naruto shoved him back. He landed on the bed. “I got nightmares for months. I--I imagined you got them for years. But,” he shook his head. “You can’t say I don’t care about you, or else I really am going to beat you up?”

“Are you?”

“Yes!” 

“I’d like to see you try,” he said. Lied. He, in fact, would prefer not seeing that. He was sure he could avoid him, but he’d seen how hard Naruto kicked soccer balls, and he imagined that he would kick people just as hard. And. And. He was a wimp, and already in pain. Shaking his head, he pushed Naruto until he was laying down. “Can you listen to me before you try, though?”

Naruto must be straining his neck to keep looking at him. “I guess.”

“If you prayed that much, then you must have known how...unfortunate,” he cleared his throat. Unfortunate? It’d been a massacre. A slow, steady massacre. “It was. You can’t blame my father for becoming a little...controlling.”

It looked like a lightbulb went on. “That’s what the cameras are for...” he shook his head. Again. And again. Ocasionally, glancing at Sasuke. “Fine. Fine.” He swallowed, unclenching his hands, “if that’s the case, then look me in the eye and tell me you weren’t hit ever, until this year.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “that’s not fair. Some kids do need to be spanked occasionally. Like me.”

“No one needs to be hit. Especially not children.”

“You’re being ridiculous. I don’t even know why I’m still here--” 

“Because you’re scared that if you leave me alone, I’m going to go to the cops.” Naruto turned to look at him, “a fair fear, I imagined, because that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“You can’t.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Naruto...honestly, you can’t.” Couldn’t he just jump off of the balcony? He could. There was nothing stopping him. Except--it wasn’t fair. He couldn’t. “If you go to the cops, then eventually, someone is going to find out who I am and then, they might actually kill me. Just like everyone else. I hope you realize that the only reason I’m not dead right now is because my father managed to get me out before they could get to me.”

“He’s your father! That was his responsability! To keep you safe!” He sounded so indignant. 

“I don’t mean it like that, dumbass.” He sighed, “I mean it as in, if you get the cops involved, they might arrest him, if they have proof. I’m the proof--of whatever crime you think happened--which means that people are going to know who I am, which means that someone might actually kidnap me, and they won’t even have the opportunity to ask for ransom money because he’ll be in jail. And he’ll be too pissed to even consider paying for me, anyway, so if you go to the cops, you’re going to turn my life upside down and then, someone is going to actually torture me. And then kill me. If I’m lucky.” He sighed, “why do you think  _ I _ haven’t done anything? I mean, besides the fact that he could just say that Kakashi was the one who kidnapped me, and was the one who did it--and we really wouldn’t be able to refute that because technically, I am a missing child.”

“But--but you’re not! You’d defend Kakashi and--” 

“They’ll just say I have Stockholm Syndrome.” Sasuke had spent quite a lot of time going over that argument in his head. Over and over and over, throughout every single year that he lived with Kakashi, and every single time, it ended with Kakashi in prison. And him...dead. Or. He just didn’t want to be--he cleared his throat. “So, can you please cool off? And at least promise to consider ratting me out if someone is going to kill you?”

“Maybe...we should change the topic.”

Sasuke groaned. He’d never felt so lightheaded before. He’d never thought he would have this conversation with anyone. But--but it had to be done. Naruto couldn’t be left to his own devices. “You’re impossible.”

“So are you.”

“I’m serious.”

Naruto sighed. “If you want me to agree to those idiotic demands, then--then, I think you should agree to a couple of things too.”

“Like what?”

Naruto sat up, looking down at him. The serious expression  _ really _ didn’t suit him and neither did the dead silence. “From here on forth, you get to be the little spoon. Always.”

Sasuke blinked. That--that was not what he had been expecting. “You’re shorter than me!” Those weren’t the words he expected to say either, but he didn’t care.

The tiny smirk was  _ really _ not a good look on Naruto either. Well...no. No. It was not. “Only by a little bit! And it doesn’t matter! Besides, let’s be honest, just between us, it’s not like you’d mind.” He raised his finger, “and I’m not done. I said demands, plural. With an ‘s’. You also agree to go to the rest of school functions with me. Including Senior prom.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Was Naruto--he really was an idiot, wasn’t he? But...he couldn’t complain. These weren’t the kinds of demands he would be making if they roles were reversed and if he was being absolutely honest with himself. “We’re Juniors--” 

“Next year.”

He chuckled. “Are you really blackmailing me into dating you for the next two years?”

“Are you going to say no?”

Sasuke shook his head. “You really should have thought this through a little more, I wasn’t planning on going to any proms, but if I was, I would have asked you, idiot.”

Naruto shrugged and extended his hand. “Shake on it.”

What were they? Five? Six? Sasuke stared down at the offered hand, before taking it. “Great. Now, can we--” 

“Turn around.”

“What?”

Naruto nudged him. “You just shook on it. I’m tired and I want to nap. Turn around.”

“Now?”

“Yup.” Naruto nudged his shoulder again. “Kakashi is still downstairs. Someone will wake us up when you have to leave, but until then, I’m going to nap, and you can’t possibly tell me you have already forgotten that you’re the little spoon.”

Sasuke gave him a dubious look, before turning around, mostly for his own benefit; he didn’t need Naruto to see the warmth spreading across his face. He laid down on his side, holding his breath when Naruto pulled him closer, feeling his chest against his back. It...it was not as uncofortable as he would have thought. 

“Your neck is so warm.”

Sasuke took another breath. “Then don’t nuzzle it, idiot.”

Naruto just hummed. “Go to sleep, Sasuke.”

How was he supposed to go to sleep while Naruto pretended to be a literal koala? It was absolutely riddiculous. But--but it. It. Under the correct circumstances. It was kind of...it wasn’t terrible. And--and he hadn’t slept in a long time. Of course, having nightmares with Naruto so close couldn’t be a good idea. But. “Are you asleep?”

There was a kiss on the crook of his neck. And--and more heat on his cheeks. “Sasuke? I can’t sleep if you keep talking.”

That was a good point. A very good point. Sasuke closed his eyes, letting Naruto’s bedroom fade away. It was okay. He might as well asleep too. It was fine. And. And. And he was exhausted. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually do like this chapter  
But I think I was always biased with the Minato & Sasuke scenes

The house was a lot warmer than their own house, Sasuke was convinced that it would be a metaphor, if there were such things in real life. Naruto had left about half an hour ago, and neither Kakashi nor Mr. Uzumaki were back. He should return home, maybe check up on Urushi, but...he’d rather not be in that place right now. Even if it was rather strange to be in Naruto’s house by himself. 

It’s not like he was doing anything wrong, just laying on the bed, staring out the window, watching the sun disappear and the darkness replace it. Was that another metaphor? He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. He’d been falling asleep on and off for the entire day, with or without Naruto, and although exhausted to the bone, he couldn’t help but feel that he let the entire day fly by without any sort of result to show for it. With that thought, he left the bed, pressing down on the wrinkles his body caused and fixing the sheets. Glancing around, the bed was not the only thing that needed tidying up, he was sure that if he ran his finger along the bookshelves, tiny dust particles would flare up. The laundry basket was overflowing and the desk was a cluttered mess. 

He started with the bookshelf, arranging the few books in alphabetic order, cleaning the shelves with a wet towel, perhaps spending more time than strictly necessary cleaning the photo portraits and trophies. The desk was a little more difficult, he decided after finding an English paper from two years ago, but it had to be done--of course, he’d go a little crazy if someone tried to arrange  _ his _ stuff, but Naruto had integrated himself so much into his life, that Sasuke could return the favor and have an argument if Naruto ever complained. It’s not like he was doing anything bad, just organizing some papers that should have been tossed out about three years ago. But he arranged them, by chronological order, placing sticky notes to divide them by year, and then by subject. 

When he was satisfied, he turned his attention to the laundry basket. But it couldn’t be helped, at the rate Naruto was going, he’d be out of uniforms by Tuesday. And Sasuke really didn’t have anything better to do. It’s not like he would break their washing machine. He dragged the basket out of the bedroom, slower than he would have anticipated or appreciated, managing to carry it to the laundry room, mostly ignoring the pain on his right shoulder flaring up. But it was okay. It’ll pass. 

Once he was standing in front of the washing machine, he considered whether or not Naruto would really appreciate all of this, or would get pissed off, but--but it’s not like Naruto had given him much of a choice about anything regarding his private life. So, Naruto could deal with the fact that Sasuke had seen his underwear, it’s not even like he hadn’t seen it before, anyway. And with that, he separated the dark and the whites, deciding to start with the darker clothes. Mostly the uniforms. 

The door opened as he pressed the ON button. Not Naruto, though. It was Mr. Uzumaki, and...not Kakashi. Just Naruto’s dad, carrying a brown bag, the top of carrots sticking out of it.

“Oh, hi, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said as soon as the door was closed.

Sasuke managed to smile. Naruto told him that they’d gone grocery shopping, but he hadn’t stopped to consider that maybe they’ll come back--well, Mr. Uzumaki would come back before he finished doing laundry. “Hi, Mr. Uzumaki.” He cleared his throat, “do you need help with anything?”

“No, it’s just this one.” Mr. Uzumaki disappeared into the kitchen. Sasuke heard the fridge opening, a quiet ruffle of, what he could only assume, the paper bag. He heard the fridge door closed, and then Mr. Uzumaki came into view again. “What are you doing?”

Mr. Uzumaki had a funny way to lead people on, Sasuke realized, considering that it was clear what he was doing. It was a lot like Kakashi...when he wasn’t pissed off and avoiding him like the plague. “Naruto’s basket was overfilled,” he said, as an explanation. And then shrugged, looking at the machine, surprisingly quiet as it tumbled the clothes inside. “I just thought I’d help him with it.”

Mr. Uzumaki made his way to the couch, “that’s nice of you. Is he upstairs?”

Sasuke shook his head, “he went bowling, with--with, uh, Karin and some other friends.”

“You didn’t want to go?”

Sasuke hated himself for always making Mr. Uzumaki look so depressed. “I kind of...was tired.” He knew he was a wimp, but--but bowling hadn’t sounded like a great idea. Mr. Uzumaki patted the space next to him, and like a crazy, stupid person, Sasuke took a seat. For the second time. In two days, it made his stomach twist, but not in an awful way--yet. “Did...Kakashi--” 

“He went home, said he was going to take Urushi to the dog park.”

Sasuke was careful to keep his face passive. And ignored...everything else. How much did Kakashi really hate him for him to go to the dog park without him? On a Saturday to top it all, it’s not like Sasuke had other plans. And. And he realized how stupid he sounded, he did, he was a teenager, he certainly shouldn’t want to be with Kakashi, of all people, but--but he liked going to the dog park, and Kakashi knew that, which meant that he really only went to make it perfectly clear that he didn’t want to let him tag along. Which. Which was fine. It was. Sasuke was just a whiny cry baby. “Oh,” he said, finally. The word seemed to echo. “Is it alright if I stay here until the laundry is done?”

Mr. Uzumaki looked at him funny. Sad? Melancholic? Sasuke really needed to work on deciphering people’s faces. “Of course you can.” He picked up the remote, “I was going to watch the news, but we can watch something else if you want.”

He shook his head. “Anything is fine, Mr. Uzumaki, I don’t mind.” He was already ruining Mr. Uzumaki’s evening by forcing his presence upon him, the least he could do was sit quietly and watch the news. 

Naruto’s dad, he decided, had a more calming presence than his son, and a greater attention span, his eyes sharper. He’s hair was a bit longer too, but the same blond shade. His attention never seemed to faltered away from the screen--reporters talking about the stock market--but Sasuke could feel his eyes on him, which...was a bit unsettling, but he wasn’t complaining. It was just weird, that was all. Just as weird as the way Mr. Uzumaki was spending about half of the time texting, but again, his eyes...never seemed to look down.

“Mr. Uzumaki,” he began, after the news anchor moved on to talk about the changing weather across the country. He took a breath, hoping it was discreet enough. “Did you and Kakashi...get a chance to...think things through?” That came out a lot better than he would have thought, considering he really only wanted to ask if they had managed to calm down. 

“We did.”

And? And? Sasuke drew in another breath, letting his hands rest flat on his lap. “Are...you--is everything okay?” 

Mr. Uzumaki smiled, but it looked more like he wanted to rub his face in frustration. Or anger. “There’s nothing for you to worry about, Sasuke. I promise.”

Comforting, but not exactly what he wanted to know. “But--” 

“We disabled the cameras,” Mr. Uzumaki said, shifting his body to face him. Sasuke did his best to meet his eyes, but was only about fifty percent successful, too busy trying to figure out what that meant. “But that doesn’t mean you get free reign on doing dangerous things, got it?”

It was like Mr. Uzumaki was just an older version that Kakashi, or like Kakashi was talking through him. “Won’t that--it doesn’t seem like a good idea,” he said, keeping his voice even. He didn’t need to make Mr. Uzumaki feel stupid. 

“I promise your father won’t know--” 

“That’s not...” he trailed off. Well, that was most of the issue, really. If his father found out, which--honestly, he probably would, then...then, he wouldn’t be very happy. He’d be enraged, in fact. And that--that wouldn’t end very well for him. “I thought you guys wanted to keep me safe.” At least, he’d thought Mr. Uzumaki did, but Kakashi...maybe he did want to hit him a little. “That’s not. Father is going to murder me when he finds out.”

“He won’t find out.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow; he wasn’t trying to start an argument with Mr. Uzumaki, but it seemed exceedingly likely that his father  _ would _ find out and  _ would _ just...he wasn’t sure what his father would do to him, but. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. “He will.”

“Neither Kakashi nor I would have done it if we couldn’t guarantee with all certainty that he wouldn’t, Sasuke--” 

Doubtful. Kakashi probably was sabotaging him on purpose--understandable, but...hurtful. He wished Kakashi would just cut to the chase and send him back. Even. Even if Sasuke would literally prefer jumping off a cliff. 

“I have a great coworker, he’s the best.” Mr. Uzumaki held his shoulder, “I promise. I know this is difficult for you, but I promise, we’re going to keep you safe, okay?”

Doubtful. But Sasuke nodded, swallowing. “Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki.” It’s not like he had any power to actually argue, or suggest something else, or panic over the stupidity of trying to disconnect those cameras. Sasuke remembered when they were installed, about two years after moving in with Kakashi, and they’d been following him ever since. Watching him. Stalking him. Keeping him safe--until recently, of course. 

“Are you hungry?” Mr. Uzumaki asked, the hand on his shoulder disappearing. 

Sasuke shook his head. After a second, he hurried to say, “But I can make some food if you’d like.”

Again, that look. “No, it’s okay. Tell me when you get hungry, okay?”

Sasuke would rather stab himself than force Mr. Uzumaki to make him dinner, but he kept that thought to himself. But time went by, and Sasuke, stupidly slow, realized that Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t going to eat unless he ate too. And so, when he was taking Naruto’s whites out of the drying machine, he swallowed, praying against all hope that his face didn’t look as red as it felt. “Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, softly. He could barely hear himself, but something told him that Mr. Uzumaki could hear him perfectly well. “I--I’m kind of hungry now.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mr. Uzumaki said, glancing at his watch. “It is getting close to dinner time.” He stood up, “what do you feel like eating?”

Nothing. “Anything, really. I’m not picky.” He wasn’t even hungry. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be hungry again. 

“You want to help me make pizza?”

Sasuke blinked, before composing himself. He nodded, following Mr. Uzumaki into the kitchen. He had never made pizza, but he was a relatively fast learner, and to the surprise of no one, Mr. Uzumaki had the patience of a saint. “How’s Mrs. Uzumaki?” He asked, once the dough was in the oven. 

“She’s great. She was so excited when she got that assignment,” Mr. Uzumaki said, turning the oven’s light on. “She should be back in a few weeks, but she keeps saying it’s too cold over there. She’s been trying to write a book for a few years now, so I told her that she could take the opportunity to be stuck inside to work on it,” he chuckled, “she wasn’t too amused. Naruto’s just like her, always needing to be doing something, preferably exciting and outside.”

It was a funny thing. To hear about Naruto’s mom. Sasuke hadn’t exactly interacted with her as much as with Mr. Uzumaki, but the few times, she was extremely nice to him, and there was a certain easiness to her that made her just a bit more approachable than Mr. Uzumaki. It was a funny thing. Sasuke had always been a little incompetent when it came to dealing, or acknowledging, his emotions--something to do with every thing in his life, he imagined--but listening to Mr. Uzumaki talking about his wife, seeing the way his eyes lighted up, made him...sad? Nostalgic? A little...jealous? Happy? Too many conflicting emotions, but he had brought up the topic and he did have some manners still in him.

So he listened politely about the book that Mrs. Uzumaki had been working on since they married, or before they married--apparently, they were high school sweethearts, which was...not that unexpected, if Sasuke was being honest. Apparently, it involved dragons and aliens, and a secret society that trained kids to fight the aliens--shadows made up of blinding white light, a metaphor, apparently--with control of the five elements. 

“It sounds epic,” Sasuke commented, after Mr. Uzumaki’s long explanation had winded down. He wouldn’t exactly read it, mostly because he didn’t read fiction stories, but considering the literary market, it seemed ripe for it. Sasuke couldn’t count the amount of movies or books that focused on teenagers’ difficult lives, like living through trauma was anything to write home about. 

“It’s long,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “I wish she would just start sending it out to agents before it becomes too long to ever publish. I keep telling her that it’s fine, but she has too many ideas, and she says she’s not completely in love with the characters.” The oven beeped, but Mr. Uzumaki was smart because he didn’t try to get the pizza out of the oven, just opened it, hot air rushing out. “And she can’t have something out in the world that she doesn’t love. She won’t even send it to my dad, he works in the publishing industry, but she says that’s nepotism.”

It probably was. But that was still rather noble of Mrs. Uzumaki, he supposed. “There’s always self-publishing,” he said. “A lot of people say it’s not the same thing, and I guess it’s not--there’s a lot less gatekeeping, although it doesn’t sound like that would be a problem with Mrs. Uzumaki’s story. There’s a lot of scams out there, though, and marketing could be a problem, although Mrs. Uzumaki is already established as a writer, though I guess that brings the question of using a pseudoname; I guess there could be backlash from a reporter working on Young Adult books,” he shrugged. Usually, reporters would step into non-fiction books, if they were going to write full-length novels. He could see the potential for a fiction work definietly discrediting Mrs. Uzumaki, and it could, depending the public perception, also affect the newspaper. 

“I don’t think she’s ever considered self-publishing,” Mr. Uzumaki said, finally taking the pizza out of the oven with oversized mitts that looked awfully similar to Naruto’s frog pajamas. 

Sasuke wasn’t exactly hungry, but the smell of food did something to his stomach. At least it didn’t growled. “It takes a lot of energy to navigate how to do it, and even get it into publishing quality. It gets a bad name because a lot of self-published works are not professionally edited, so of course there are mistakes in the books. Plus, the terms of a contract can be awful to navigate, personally, I wouldn’t sign any of them without having a lawyer look them over.”

Mr. Uzumaki closed the oven, making Sasuke miss the warmth almost immediately. “Do you like to write?”

Sasuke shook his head quickly. “My,” he cleared his throat. “A friend of mine used to write stories. He wanted to become an author, and he used to ramble a lot about the publishing industry.” 

“Well, if he doesn’t think it’s neopotism, I could get him in contact with my dad.”

Sasuke felt a smile. Although, he really shouldn’t be smiling. What else was he supposed to do, though? He figured that Jugo had access to Kimimaro’s computer, and writing files, but he never wanted to breach that conversation with Jugo. Sasuke had barely texted him since moving, and...he wasn’t sure he could text him about  _ this _ . “Yeah,” he heard himself say, “yeah, maybe I’ll ask him. I haven’t really talked to him in a while.”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded, nudging him gently to the table as he carried the pizza. “Do you miss your old friends?”

It was an innocent enough question, really. But leaving had been so messy, that Sasuke didn’t feel like he could really miss them. It’s not like they talked, really. Sometimes, Suigetsu texted and he’d replied, and then the conversation would end. The last text he got was three weeks ago, a picture of a hunting knife that apparently, he bought off a strange man in the school’s parking lot--which--which sounded just like Suigetsu, honestly, but still made him go into a frenzy about how important it was  _ not _ to talk to strange man anywhere, and definietly not buy a knife from them. 

Suigetsu’s reply? A  _ LOL _ and a laughing emoticon. Which was not the correct response, obviously, but before he could point that out, Naruto had dragged him to the bed, and he’d gotten distracted, and by the time he had his phone in his hands again, it was too awkward to text anything back. Yeah, he was an awful friend. He realized that. In his defense, their communication had always been sporadic. 

“Sasuke?”

He blinked, not quite remembering when he sat down, but he was. And the dryer was beeping. “Sometimes,” he said, settling on that word. It wasn’t a lie. Sometimes, he certainly missed the easiness of keeping up the act around them and the way that they were either too oblivious or too considerate to never question him too much about certain things that Naruto hadn’t turned a blind eye on. “We used to talk about going to college together, but I’m not sure how that would work now.” Even without considering acceptance rates, out-of-state tuition was impossibly expensive. 

“Do you know where you’re applying?”

Sasuke shook his head and reached for a slice of pizza, once again realizing that Mr. Uzumaki, as nice and gentle as he was, seemed just as stubborn as Naruto. “I’m not sure of anything, to be honest.” He wasn’t even sure he’d make it until graduation, let alone college. He certainly didn’t want to have that conversation with any adult in his life, not even Mr. Uzumaki. “Do you know what Naruto’s going to do after high school?”

Mr. Uzumaki shook his head, “he used to say he wanted to go to the academy, but I haven’t heard any updates for awhile.”

The small smile felt real. “He’d be a good detective.”

Mr. Uzumaki smiled, too. “Yeah, I think so.”

\------

Sasuke was used to waking up with Urushi pawing and licking his face, but waking up with Kakashi nudging his shoulder, calling out his name softly was something new. Terrifyingly new, if he was honest, enough not to scowl at him for waking him up  _ before _ Urushi was demanding a walk. Kakashi was...still wearing his pajamas, simple gray ones, but--he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen him early enough for him to still be wearing them. That, and the arm around his shoulders, was enough to shake all the tireness out of him. 

He could probably count in one hand the amount of times that Kakashi had been physically, openly affectionate with him and half of them were a week ago, when he finally returned home from that...place. And he was pretty sure that the physical affection had been born out of necessity than anything else. 

They stayed there, on the bed, Sasuke ocasionally feeling Kakashi’s hold on him tighten, pulling him a little closer. He would have pulled away, but it was disconcerting and his brain was not working properly, obviously. “Kakashi,” he said, once Urushi joined them at the end of the bed. “What are you doing?”

It took a long time for him to reply. “You’re father was rushed to the hospital this morning after--” 

“What?”

“A possible suicide attempt.”

The question got stuck in his throat, then, just as the room grew fuzzy. He was starting to think that he really did need glasses, it would be just like him. “Oh,” he said, finally, because he didn’t know what to do with himself, or say to Kakashi. “That...sucks,” he continued, unable to decide if he was lying or not. He hoped he was not. He realized over the years, he developed a certain...bitterness to his father, but objectively--and subjectively, really--that was still...a sad development. Far away, he was aware that Kakashi pulled him just a little closer, but it was like a cover was over him and the rest of the world. “Is he going to be survive?”

“I don’t know,” Kakashi said. It sounded far away. “Apparently, his secretary called the paramedics as soon as it happened.”

How did it happened? Obviously, not by jumping off of anything, if that had been the case, there would be no need for paramedics. Hanging? That...he didn’t know his father all that well, evidently, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t do that. A gun, then--which...he must have had awful aim, if there was anything for doctors to salvage. “Oh,” he felt his lips moved. “I hope he gets well.”

And then, Kakashi...actually kissed his hair. Quickly. It was not as awkward as it should have been, but Sasuke didn’t have the brain capacity at the moment to try to figure out why that was so. “I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”

“I can feel you’re here, Kakashi,” Sasuke replied, pointedly not moving away. Pathetic, he knew. “There’s nothing to talk about.” 

But, two hours later, when the bell rang, he found out exactly how much there was to discuss. Kakashi let the men in, Sasuke was pretty sure they were the same ones he’d seen, the ones with that stupid truck; he could tell, because one still had the hair that looked burned. It was the last thing that he needed, but--but it’s not like he had another option. Before they had a chance to ask to speak in private, Sasuke pulled a chair back for Kakashi, who seemed to get the wordless message, just like the other two men. 

“Our condolescences, Mr. Uchiha,” one of them said. 

Sasuke wanted to punch him. Wanted to pummel his face, both of their faces, in. “Thank you,” he said, rather calmly. 

The other one cleared his throat, “although it might be...somewhat callous, your dad did have explicit instructions to talk with you if something were to happen to him. About the company.”

Before Sasuke even had a chance to process those words, Kakashi spoke. Sasuke had never seen him so rigid, “and did something happen? Is he dead?”

Sasuke hated himself for holding his breath, as he waited for one of the two employees to reply. He shouldn’t care, not after--what his father had a masked man do to him, logically, he should be grateful, but...he couldn’t bring himself to that. Instead, his chest hurt, and there was something tightening around his throat. 

At last, the one with the burned hair did. “Not yet, no, but--” 

“Then, there’s really no need to discuss anything yet, is there?” Kakashi said. His voice sounded murderous, really murderous--Sasuke had never heard him like that. “It seems to me,” he continued, “that we really should be praying rather than discussing Mr. Uchiha’s will.”

Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure Kakashi even prayed, but he wasn’t going to say anything. He couldn’t say anything, his mouth uselessly opened--gaping, someone might say.

“We just want to make sure that Sasuke knows that in case of Mr. Uchiha’s passing, everything goes to him. Of course, he’ll have to come of age before he can take over the company, the Board will--” 

“Thank you,” Sasuke said. His voice sounded a million miles away. “Uchiha Inc. thanks you for your work ethic and dedication. We will discuss this at a later date, when the need arises. In the meantime, please drive safely.”

In the back of his head, he registered chairs pushed back, the door opening, the men walking out, the fading sounds of the engine. He registered Kakashi standing in front of him, holding him by the shoulders, heard his voice telling him that he was  _ fine _ , but when Kakashi pulled him a little closer, Sasuke pressed his face against his chest as something in the pit of his stomach uncoiled and snapped. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second arc

December rolled around, not a speck of snow falling from the sky. Sasuke knew that they were saying goodbye to snow when they moved across the country, but the realization still hit him just like a snow storm would have hit him. If there were any snow storms. He refused to put anything other than a light sweater, rolling his eyes each time he saw a Californian walking with boots, a scarf, and a fucking jacket. Californians were so dramatic.

December rolled around and his father was still in the hospital, according to the news. Some days, he believed them because why would every single news channel and paper lie? But other times, he remembered that ten years ago, the news broadcasted his own search parties; he couldn’t deny that sometimes, the news were not...informed enough. Neither option set well with Sasuke, but he tried his best to think about anything else. It didn’t work very well. He’d lost track of the amount of nights wide awake, eyes fixed on the ceiling, going over endless possibilities, of everything that had happened, everything that could happen. Clearly, he was hanging out with Naruto too much.

“You’re going to get sick.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, having heard this conversation a little too much since November started. “I’m really not.”

“Sasuke.” He turned to face Kakashi, who was holding out a gray scarf with green stripes. “Green’s your color,” he said. 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that. He was pretty sure that blue was his color, thank you very much, but Kakashi had a riddiculous pout on his face, so he wrapped the scarf around his neck. At least it was cozy. “There.”

“Aww, gee, thanks, Sasuke. You promise to wear it the whole day?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, again, “yeah. Sure. Whatever. Can we go? I don’t want to be late.” 

Kakashi took the car keys, with a wide grin. “I always knew you loved me.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes  _ again _ , and followed Kakashi to the car. Although, he couldn’t  _ not _ agree with that; over the past few weeks, something seemed to have lifted from him, and it reminded him a lot of how Kakashi used to be when they first met, even if in the back of his head, he just knew that it was because the cameras were off, and--and his father being in the hospital...they hadn’t exactly gotten hit with the repercussions. Yet. But. But it was morning and he had to focus in school, he could keep his personal life pushed away, at least until it was time for bed.

It was not until he walked together with Naruto to 7 th period that he found out exactly why his dear guardian made him promise to wear the scarf the whole day. 

“I like your scarf, Mr. Hatake,” Naruto said, with the fucking biggest shit-eating grin in the world. 

“Aw, thank you, Naruto. I didn’t think anyone would notice.” Nevermind, Kakashi had the fucking biggest shit-eating grin in the world. 

Sasuke did his best not to openly glare at him, but he had no qualms about glaring at Naruto. He got an innocent look in return, although the stupid grin was still in place. To this day, he couldn’t decide whether he preferred the Naruto that hated Kakashi’s guts, or the one who was in cahoots with him. It wasn’t like it had been a subtle change either; as soon as the cameras were off, or--not working, whatever they had done to them--Naruto’s attitude towards Kakashi had done a complete 180 degree shift. A little disconcerting. A little worrying. But everytime he brought it up, Naruto just said that he thought that’s what he had wanted and that people sometimes changed. 

“What?” Naruto asked once they were working on some assigned problems that were supposed to help them identify the compounds still at the back of the classroom. Out of the two classes, only Sakura and Karin had figured it out, so of course, Kakashi made new compounds and extended the assignment--to the end of the year, if that’s what it took, directly from the horse’s mouth. 

Sasuke had no idea how solving ideal gas problems was supposed to help them identify liquid compounds, but. But it was a thing. Apparently. 

“You know ‘what’,” Sasuke replied.

If possible, Naruto’s grin widened, “no need to be jealous, I complimented your scarf too, remember?”

Sasuke grumbled some obsenities under his breath, and turned back to look at the problems, refusing to engage in conversation with Naruto again, no matter how distracting he tried to be. “I’ll see you in a bit,” he said once the bell rang. He waited for everyone to leave before he went up to Kakashi’s desk and crossed his arms. “Seriously?”

“Eh, I thought with matching scarves, people would finally realize you’re my kid.” Sasuke couldn’t see half his face behind the scarf, but he could  _ hear _ the grin. 

“I’m pretty sure every teacher calling me Mr. Hatake clued everyone in,” Sasuke replied. 

“You think? And here I was avoiding calling you Mr. Hatake to avoid you the emberassment.”

Sauke rolled his eyes. “If you wanted matching outfits--” 

“Eh, you’re so mean, Sasuke.” Kakashi waved his hand in front of his face. “I thought you would like it. It’s December, it’s almost Christmas. It’s family time!” 

Sasuke was pretty sure there was a bigger grin now. He rolled his eyes, ignoring the way his stomach sort of did a flip that it hadn’t done since their second Christmas together. Which was stupid, he knew, and waiting for the other shoe to drop was excruciating. “I’ll see you later. I don’t want to be late to practice.”

“You can just tell them you got lost on the path of life!” Kakashi called over before Sasuke closed the door. 

The hallway was deserted. It shouldn’t be surprising how fast students left school as soon as they could, but it still was, at least to him. With Kakashi as a teacher, Sasuke spent most of his time at school. As soon as he moved in with him, he was put in after-school programs, until he was in junior high, where the promptly joined school sports. And now, well, now he was late to practice. 

“You’re not practicing with that on, are you?” Kiba asked him as soon as he entered the locker rooms. “It’s not that cold.”

Sasuke clenched his teeth. He could not believe that someone from California was telling him that it wasn’t that cold, like his whole life hadn’t being spent in the snow. “No, of course not,” he replied. 

“Good because someone could just grab it and yank you back,” Kiba snickkered, but was smart enough to walk away.

Not that Sauske was going to punch him, but--well, lately, his temper was running short, short _ ish _ , and he was spending far too much energy reeling it back in. But--he was doing his best. Objectively, there were a lot of things to be upset about, but--but he was doing his best. He changed quickly, shoving everything in his locker, before running out to the field. The season was practically over, but apparently, according to at least half of the team, soccer was never over. Coach Sarutobi couldn’t be there anymore, and instead of practice, they called it a friendly game, but the seniors were demanding and there was nothing friendly about it. Sasuke didn’t mind, he’d rather be playing on the field than waiting in the library for Kakashi to be done with work. At the end, he kind of minded. Just a little. Lee was just a little insane. That was all. 

Once inside the car, Kakashi turned to look at him. “That bad?”

Sasuke groaned. “You should just fuc--fudging ground me so I can tell them no next time.”

“I sure will ground you if you don’t watch the language,” Kakashi said, although Sasuke was sure that was a joke. “I guess that’s the reason they’re nationally ranked.”

“They are positively crazy,” Sasuke replied, forcing his tone to be a little more even and pulling his scarf closer to him. “I think I’ll need to take the whole year off to recover.”

Kakashi chuckled under his breath, before starting the car. “You know you have to play something in the spring.”

“Track,” Sasuke mumbled. The majority of cross country went to track, although--that didn’t give him much hope for the track team being less insane. “I was thinking of lacrosse, but I’d really rather just do one.” He’d never played Lacrosse, but the way Sakura made it sound, it was great for anger managment and--he needed that, but...he was tired. 

“If you only do track, what are you going to do the other days?”

Sasuke sighed. “Watch tv?” He saw Kakashi sideglance him, his eyebrows furrowed. “Come on, it’s--” 

“I don’t think your dad would appreciate all that freedom.”

Sasuke almost said that he thought Kakashi was his dad, but he didn’t. “We haven’t heard from him, we don’t even know if he’s going to make it out of the hospital,” he did his best to not spit out that word. “And if he doesn’t die, I’m pretty sure he’ll have other things in his mind.”

“We’ll talk about it after Winter Break,” Kakashi said. “It’s not just your dad, Sasuke. I know it sucks, but I really can’t have you by yourself. I’d rather have you surrounded by an entire team, than being by yourself.”

He knew. Safety in numbers. He sighed. “Fine.” He tried not to drag out that word too much. It wasn’t Kakashi’s fault. At this point in his life, it was difficult to blame anyone, really, except...the murderers, but he no one knew anything about them, at they were more like a threatening shadows than a real entity. 

\-----

Dead week hit Sasuke. He used to be okay with tests, not really caring much for them since he spent about half his life studying, but he couldn’t fool himself into thinking that he had been studying that semester as much as before. He hadn’t. Not really. And it seemed like karma was finally kicking him in the ass. 

“I didn’t know you drank coffee,” Naruto said, sitting next to him in the cafeteria.

Sasuke took a gulp of the throat-burning liquid. It did nothing for his tiredness, but it scalded his tongue. Awesome. How did Kakashi drink this every morning? Digusting. “Leave me alone, Naruto.” 

He did not leave him alone, instead, he patted his shoulder. Once. Twice. Three. Four times. Sasuke almost threw the coffee at him. 

“Someone’s a sunshine today.”

He clutched the cup. If he squeezed hard enough, it would probably spill over. Maybe he could spill it over Naruto’s head, or Mrs. Mitarashi--god, he hated her so much. That stupid history teacher. “Seriously. Leave me alone. Go away.”

“I recall you telling me at least two hundred times that misery loves company.” Naruto took the cup from Sasuke’s hand and took a long sip. He stuck out his tongue, making a disgusted face. “How can you drink this?”

“I’m a big boy.” Sasuke said, taking the cup back. “Take it again and you die.”

Naruto chuckled, “gee. Why are you being such a butt face?”

“It’s dead week. I haven’t studied. I’m tired. Take your pick.”

“They all seem like really bad options to pick.”

If he had energy, Sasuke would have rolled his eyes. Instead, he put he rested his chin on his hands. It shouldn’t be comfortable, but it was making him more sleepy. He should move, but he was too tired. “Go away.”

“Come on,” Naruto turned around, poking him in the shoulder. “I know you’ve studied, I’ve seen you studied. You even helped me out in English. And math. And...everything else.”

Sasuke groaned, before starting up. “I’ll see you later.” 

He dragged his feet to Kakashi’s classroom, ignoring Sakura and Karin, the little shit faces, and going to sit at the back of the room. He spent some of his energy glaring at the unknown liquids in their little, tiny, stupid bottles. After much time astray, Naruto and he had finally figure out three of the five liquids--it had been the first time that Sasuke considered murdering Kakashi. Fucking orange juice. Fucking Vitamin C. Fucking  _ water _ .

He took out the chemistry problem set, glaring at Kakashi with his stupid scarf, with the stupid grin. What had he been doing the entire fucking semester? God. He looked down at the first problem. Something about titrating a weak acid with a strong base in the form of a gas, which Sasuke was pretty sure wasn’t possible, but how much did he really know? He didn’t know anything because he hadn’t fucking studied anything. 

He was starting the fifth problem after skipping the first three problems, when the bell rang. He dragged his ass to English and glared at everyone on the way. God. Why were they talking and not shutting up?

“Umm--”

“ _ What _ ?” Sasuke glanced up from his notebook. Hinata’s eyes were wide for a moment, before she looked down at her desk and her bangs hid half her face. He should really apologize. “Do you need something?” That could have counted as an apology? He bit back a sigh. He needed to sleep, and he needed to study, and he needed to apologize. Out of everyone in his life, the last person he needed to told off was Hinata.

“You...you, umm...you dropped your--your phone.”

Sasuke took it. He glared at it. “Thanks.” That sounded so far from gratitude that even he winced. “I--” 

“Is there something going on over there?” Mrs. Yuhi asked. 

The whole class turned to look at them. Sasuke felt his cheeks getting warmer, but juding by Hinata’s shade, she was blushing even more furiously. “No, Mrs. Yuhi, sorry,” he said, looking down at his desk. God. All that he needed, a reprimand from a teacher. A sure great way to end the semester. 

Mrs. Yuhi turned her attention back to the rest of the class and continued talking about the final essay. Why was there a final essay? Goddam fuck. It was something about finding the thematic similarities between _King Lear_, _The Things They Carried, _and that fucking _Owen Meany_ book. He’d hated that book so much--why would someone end a book with the character losing both arms? A fucking bullshit ending. 

He tuned out the rest of the class in favor of thinking about nothing. He might have fallen asleep. 

“You know,” Naruto said once they were out of the classroom. “You didn’t have to be an ass to Hinata.”

He knew that. He did. He was feeling bad about it, or at least, he would have felt bad about it if he wasn’t half-dead on his feet. Maybe the sleep deprivation made him a little too stubborn, too. “I wasn’t--” 

“You  _ were _ ,” Naruto said, stepping in front of him. He wore a deep frown. “I can’t believe I have to tell you this, but you can’t treat other people like your sleep-deprived punching bags--” 

“I wasn’t--” 

“ _ You were _ .” Naruto repeated, shoving him. “It’s fine if you’re a little tired and cranky, but you can’t treat Hinata like that.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and pushed pass him, but Naruto chocked him back by the scarf. Sasuke spun around and drove his fist into Naruto’s face. Naruto kneeled him in the stomach. He shoved him. And then someone was holding him back. 

“Enough!” Kakashi. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ . “What kind of school do you two think this is?” Sasuke tried to shrug the hand of his shoulder, but the only thing he managed was a tightened hold. “Pincipal’s office. Now.” He looked between Naruto and Sasuke. “Now.”

“I can’t go if you don’t let me go.”

“Watch your tone, Mr. Hatake,” Kakashi said, before releasing him. 

Sasuke headed to the principal’s office, following in Naruto’s footsteps. There was a sharp pain in his abdonem, it shouldn’t be surprising considering how hard Naruto kicked soccer balls, but it hurt more than he thought. Kakashi didn’t kick this hard--or maybe he’d been holding back the entire time. Would make sense, make more sense than a high school soccer player kicking harder.

The last time he’d been sent to the principal’s office, Sasuke had been seven. He’d punched some kids in the playground because they called him a shrimp. He never figured out how Kakashi stopped them from expelling him, but they only suspended him. 

“What happened?” 

Sasuke glanced up. Dr. Tsunade’s lips were pressed into a thin line. It wasn’t the first time Sasuke wondered why a doctor--a  _ medical _ doctor--would be a high school principal, or why she was called Dr. Tsunade, instead of Dr. Senju, but sitting across from her bedside a bloodied Naruto was not the best moment to ask. 

Naruto shrugged, and Sasuke did the same. The principal handed tissues to Naruto, Sasuke sank into his seat while they weren’t looking at him. He couldn’t believe that he’d punched Naruto  _ again _ . What was it with him? It wasn’t the first time that he needed to catch on a bit of sleep, but...

He rubbed his eyes, “it’s my fault. I was angry, and I punched him.”

Naruto glanced at him. “That’s--” 

“And then Mr. Hatake interfered, and he sent us here,” Sasuke finished. A second later, Dr. Tsunade was dismissing Naruto with a small wave of her hand and an order to head to the infirmary. He didn’t move his eyes from the table. The door closed. He did his best not to squirm under her glance, he was about fifty percent succesful. 

“How are you liking the school, Mr. Hatake?”

Sasuke blinked, clearing his throat. “Good,” he replied. 

“I think if you had a habit of punching people when you’re angry, we would have met under this circumstance a lot sooner, don’t you think?” Sasuke nodded, but before he could get a word in, she continued. “I can’t suspend you with finals starting Monday, but you’ll report for detention Saturday morning.” She handed him a pink paper, and pointed at the door.

Sasuke took his leave, closing the door gently behind him. He looked down at the paper. It listed the reason for detention as fighting and disruptive behavior, there was a line at the bottom for a parental signature. Detention from 8-12, Saturday, bolded, nice and big. He’d never had detention, but looking at the word was turning his stomach. He shoved the slip into his pocket and headed back to chemistry. 

“Remember we don’t know how much product we’re going to make, little scientists are sititng down and finding this out. Even if we figure out--So nice of you to join us, Mr. Hatake,” Kakashi said. “Please, take your time taking a seat.”

Sasuke hurried to his seat, keeping his eyes down, feeling his cheeks warming up. He wiped his hands. Naruto wasn’t there. No shit. 

“As I was saying,” Kakashi said. As soon as he began, Sasuke felt the class’ attention shift from himself to their teacher. “Even if we figured out the cure of all diseases with the easiest reaction, if the product yield isn’t high, how helpful can that really be? That’s a rhetorical question, put your hand down--”

Something about cost and production. He didn’t look up until the bell rang, and there was the final project handout staring him in the face, something about figuring out the cheapest but most useful reaction that could be made, or had been made. Chairs were pushed in with small groans. When he glanced up, the room was empty. He walked up to Kakashi’s desk, the little pink paper burning in his pocket. 

He took it out and handed it to Kakashi, “you need to sign it.”

“It says here your parent has to sign it.”

Sasuke recoiled, but he deserved that. “Please just sign it,” he mumbled. 

“Mmm.” Sasuke was pretty sure that Kakashi’s eyes were fixed on him, unimpressed and hard, but the only thing he saw was the way the pen glided across the paper. Kakashi handed it back and began piling all his papers into his messanger bag. “Let’s go.”

Sasuke glanced up, before turning his attention back to the ground. “Don’t you have a meeting?”

“Nope,” Kakashi replied, his tone slipping into that cheery one that grated Sasuke’s nerves. “Not today.”

Sasuke tightened the scarf and followed Kakashi to the car. It was quiet. The car stopped in front of the Uzumaki home. Kakashi shoved the handout with their final project onto his chest, and nodded at the door. He got out and walked up the driveway. Naruto’s car was the only one there, and he couldn’t help but feel relieved at the small miracle of not having to face either Mr. or Mrs. Uzumaki. 

He rang the doorbell, but couldn’t hear it. The buzzing in his ears was louder. 

Naruto opened the door, and Sasuke shoved the handout onto his chest. “What is this?”

Sasuke looked away. He couldn’t spot the redwood’s peak. “Chem final project, uh...Kakashi gave it out today.” 

“Thanks.” 

Sasuke looked over his shoulder. “I’m...sorry for punching you.”

“Why didn’t you tell Tsunade I kicked you?”

Sasuke shrugged. It was the least he could have done. “I don’t know. The lie came out, and then I didn’t want to be called out on it.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke replied, “you don’t even kick that hard, you kinda have to step it up.” All lies. But it didn’t matter.

Naruto’s hand reached for the door. Sasuke took a step back. “You owe me dinner.”

The door was shut on his face, but that was better than staring at Naruto and his bruised face. He was a little offended that Naruto apparently didn’t owe him dinner for kicking him, but it was fine. Sasuke was supposed to be the rich one. Ha. His father...Sasuke walked back to the car. It started. And a few seconds afterwards, it stopped in front of their house. But Kakashi didn’t move, and...he didn’t, either.

“I’m sorry.” 

Kakashi turned to look at him, keeping the keys in his hand. To maybe stab--no. No. Sasuke really needed to sleep. What was wrong with him? Kakashi might sometimes be annoyed with him, might even hate him a little ocasionally, but if he wanted him dead, it could have happened years ago. 

“I think,” Kakashi began, slowly, “you should see someone--” 

“What?”

“Like a therapist,” Kakashi clarified, because Sasuke was an idiot, apparently.

He kept quiet for a long time. Trying to understand Kakashi’s...suggestion. “I don’t need a therapist,” he settled on, because he  _ didn’t _ , he was fine, he just needed to sleep--if anything, maybe he needed to be a little drugged up, but not talk to a stranger about his feeling. That he didn’t have. 

“I think maybe you could benefit from it.”

Kakashi was acting so weird, that for a second, Sasuke felt the urge to hit him, too. “I don’t think so. I’m just tired and--” 

“You’ve been tired, but you’ve also been dealing with a couple of things lately--” 

“I’m  _ fine _ !” He swallowed, “and you’re a bit of a hypocrite because if we’re being entirely honest, I think maybe you could go to a therapist too. Not for anything specifically, just generally.” He snapped his jaw shut, holding his breath. Kakashi was looking at him funny, but not with anger, like he should be, and. “I’m sorry, I--” 

“It’s funny you mention that, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, reaching for his messanger bag. It probably didn’t him very long to take out a small piece of paper, but it felt like hours. “I figured you would say something like that, which is true. Minato recommended her.”

Sasuke took the card. But without catching a name, he tossed it back to Kakashi. “No. You can’t make me.” He could. But Sasuke wouldn’t let it happen. What--was talking about bad things supposed to make the bad things better? He much preferred to keep everything under a tight lid, squeezed down, decidedly not on the surface. It had worked great for years, thank you. 

“It could be worthwhile to develop...other methods to deal--” 

“I’m not going to a therapist, Kakashi,” Sasuke snapped. 

“When was the last time you slept more than three hours?”

Sasuke huffed. “When was the last time you did?”

“Last night,” Kakashi replied. “You need to--” 

“I don’t  _ need _ to do anything, Kakashi,” Sasuke began, although it was a clear lie. He needed to sleep, he needed to study, he needed to apologize to Hinata, he needed to work on all those final projects, he needed to walk Urushi, he needed to clean his bedroom, and he needed to get on his knees and pray that his father didn’t die and he needed to be serious about that. “Now--” 

“You need to express some of your...energy in a healthier way--” 

“Fine. Spar with me.” He was being an idiot, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. Getting his ass kicked by Kakashi was a much better use of his time than talking to a stupid stranger, and if he was lucky, he might even land one or two hits on him. Which...he wouldn’t exactly mind. 

Kakashi sighed. “Bring the mats down, will you?”

Without another word, he got out of the car. Sasuke petted their dog on the way up. He almost tripped coming back down, the mats balanced on his head, his fingers barely holding the edges. Urushi was chasing a Kong across the living room, and Kakashi was already waiting in the backyard. 

As it turned out, Kakashi had been holding back and he really needed to sleep. He landed on his back with a groan. Fuck. 

“Come on, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “You clearly have a lot of anger, and as your guardian, I’m here to help you work through it in a safe and constructive manner.”

Sasuke got up. He blocked Kakashi’s right arm. Fuck. He landed on his side. Again.

And again.

And again. 

And again.

The sun was almost set. Kakashi hadn’t landed particularly bad hits, but Sasuke hadn’t even gotten close to touching him. He just kept landing on his back and getting the air knocked out of his lungs. Sometimes, it hurt more than it should.

“Go clean up, Sasuke. I’ll get dinner ready.”

Sasuke turned his head. Kakashi was standing over him, looking down on him, blocking the rest of the sun with his enormous head. “Is eating your food part of the punishment?”

Kakashi sighed. “There’s no punishment, Sasuke, but if there was, it wouldn’t include food.” He kicked him gently on the side, before helping him up. “Up, come on. It’s almost six, and you still need to do homework.”

The floor spun a little, but it was fine. He was just tired. He headed upstairs, bypassing Urushi still sucking on the red Kong, he would do without a run tonight. He sidestepped the mirror, not at all keen on seeing how frazzled and tired he must look, and took a freezing shower. Maybe it would wake him up. Maybe he could just tape his eyes open. But he didn’t, because maybe then, Kakashi would really forced him to a head doctor. Instead, he put on pants and a sweater, and headed downstairs for dinner.

Kakashi had prepared a salad, and rice, and steak. If he was being honest, it tasted great, but...he wasn’t hungry. But. But. He could eat. It’s the least he could do.

“Kakashi?” Sasuke cleared his throat, setting his utensils down. “How long have you been going?” Dangerous question because it might make Kakashi think that he was interested in going himself. Which he wasn’t. Ever. But he was interested to hear about Kakashi’s experience, largely out of curiosity, but mostly because he couldn’t wrap his brain about  _ when _ he would have gone to the therapist. 

“About a month,” Kakashi replied, easily. Too easily. “That day you decided to play house in Naruto’s house--” 

“When you were gone for hours?” 

“It wasn’t hours,” Kakashi said, a little defensively. “But yes. We stopped at the store, and Minato mentioned it, and...he’s a rather convincing person.”

“When you were supposed to be at the dog park?” Sasuke asked, just to be sure, because a month was a long time for him not to notice that Kakashi had gone to a  _ therapist _ . The thought alone was ridiculous.

“Yup--” 

“Why did he say you were at the dog park?”

“Because I asked him to lie for me, Sasuke, why else?”

“But  _ why _ ?” He had felt so shitty. More than normal. Not more than now, obviously, but he’d been a little hurt at it, he remembered that. 

Kakashi cleared his throat. “I guess I wasn’t ready to have this conversation with you. Anyway, speaking of Mr. Uzumaki. He called, he’s hoping you’ll stop by after dinner.”

Sasuke swallowed. “Oh. Okay.” He took a sip of water. “Did...he say why?” Would he try to convince him to go to the therapist? And if he did, could he really deny that? He couldn’t think of a single instance since meeting Mr. Uzumaki that he had really been able to deny him anything, which. Which. 

“I imagined it must have something to do with the fact that you punched his son in the face, but I can’t really say,” Kakashi replied, one eyebrow raised. Sasuke resisted the urge to roll his eyes--that was a promise for an awful conversation too, but it was a little better than agreeing to a therapist. Kakashi motioned at Sasuke’s half-full plate. “Are you done?”

He wasn’t, but if he ate anything else, he would just end up throwing it up from the sudden influx of nerves tightening his stomach. He washed his dishes in the kitchen, and headed outside. Although the Uzumakis lived so close, the distance seemed to stretch endlessly before him. 

Mr. Uzumaki’s black sedan had replaced Naruto’s truck, and the sudden realization that Naruto wasn’t even in the house made him stand in front of the door, unmoving for at least three minutes. Maybe Mr. Uzumaki could just talk to him behind the door. Maybe Sasuke shouldn’t be such a coward. He knocked. Softly. Once. Twice. Softer. 

The door opened. Mr. Uzumaki was was wearing fluffy sleepers, bright orange. It looked like a cat’s face was covering his toes. Sasuke had never noticed how big Mr. Uzumaki’s feet were, but at least the slippers made them look almost like a giant’s feet. He idly wondered whether Naruto had big feet like that too. Did Mrs. Uzumaki? The slippers matched the--

“Sasuke, I’m up here.”

He didn’t sound...furious. Then again, Kakashi rarely sounded furious either, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t. Mr. Uzumaki could very much have the understated anger that Kakashi wore like gloves. He kept his hands at his sides. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.” He didn’t look furious either--then again, Kakashi hardly ever looked anything other than annoyed, so he really didn’t have the capacity to say. 

“Come on in,” Mr. Uzumaki said, stepping to his side. 

The hallway seemed to widened the more Sasuke stared. “I’d really rather not,” he replied. He cleared his throat. It almost sounded like he was going through puberty again. Ridiuculous.

Mr. Uzumaki nodded, but didn’t move a muscle to cover the enormous hallway. “I know Naruto and you got into a physical altercation today, and I’m sure Kakashi already talked to you about how wrong resolving problems through fists is. I was actually hoping to talk to you about your...father.”

Sasuke might have fallen backwards if he didn’t grip the doorframe. With a nod, he followed Mr. Uzumaki inside. “I’m guessing when you say my father, you actually do mean my father, and not Kakashi.” Obviously. Although, he would much rather gossip about Kakashi. 

“I do,” Mr. Uzumaki said. 

It was quiet, Sasuke was sure that he could have heard a pin drop across the world. His hands were sweaty, but the more he wiped them on his pants, the moister they felt. It was quite disgusting, if he was being honest. “What about my father, Mr. Uzumaki?”

Mr. Uzumaki tilted his head, his eyes fixed on Sasuke. “I already asked Kakashi, but have you heard from anyone lately?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Not since those employees...afterwards. After that happened. I think he is still in the hospital...I mean, I can’t imagine he’s not still in the hospital.” A gunshot wound couldn’t be easy to recuperate from. “Why?”

Mr. Uzumaki sat down on the couch, patting the space next to him. For the millionth time, Sasuke found himself taking a seat next to him. “I need you to understand that I only know this because I have friends who have access to the information--” 

“Is he dead?”

Mr. Uzumaki shook his head, and Sasuke could breathe a little easier. “Foul play was suspected, but--” 

“What?” Sasuke, of course, realized that interrupting Mr. Uzumaki was actively preventing him from hearing everything, but. He didn’t want to hear this. He knew where it was going, he did, and he--he didn’t want that. He couldn’t. “Does he have security in front of his door?” 

“He does,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “But--” 

“Stop.” Sasuke took a breath. Did it really sound like he was begging, or was it just his imagination? He shook his head; thoughts and feelings under tight lid. Away. “Thank you for letting me know, Mr. Uzumaki. I really appreciate it.” He stood up, “I should get going. I have homework--” 

“Sasuke--” 

“ _ Please _ . I can’t. I have homework. It’s almost finals week, and I have homework. I have to finish it.” He bowed, fully aware that he was bowing and fully aware that it was a weird thing to do, but unable to really stop himself. 

“I’ll walk you--” 

“No. No.” He shook his head, staring at the floor. Was he still bowing? He straightened up, not quite meeting Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes, but not quite staring at his slippers either, so that was an improvement. It had to be. “I can. I’m just. Going to do homework. Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki.”

He turned and, rather calmly, walked out of the house, closing the door behind him. Just in time, he supposed, because Naruto’s truck was pulling up the driveway. Great. Seeing Naruto right now was the last thing he really needed, but he obviously had shit luck, so it--but now that he was looking at it more, Naruto’s license had an X and this one didn’t, and Sasuke might not have a car, but he knew that it was a hassle to change license plates and Naruto could never shut up about anything, and if he had been waiting for new plates, Sasuke would absolutely have heard about it. 

The car door opened, and--and--he turned around, but the door was so far away, and he should have let Mr. Uzumaki walked him, or he should have stayed inside longer, or--he stomped on a foot. As hard as he could, scraping his heel down a shin before crushing the instep, but there was a cloth on his face, and that should be top priority, but it’s not like anyone ever taught him how to stay conscious while inhaling chlorofom. 

\------------

The ceiling was bared. But the bed felt comfortable. His hands and legs were stretched out, but. But. But at least this time he was facing up? Not that it really helped. He tried to move his head, but something kept it straight, facing the ceiling. He could move his eyes fine, but there were blinders to his side, like the blinders Itachi used to say chased flies away from horses’ eyes, and--and he wasn’t a horse. He wasn’t. 

“I’m so glad you’re awake, Sasuke.” The voice was...smooth. Coming from his right, but the only thing he could see was wood. A pale hand rested on his stomach, rubbing circles, it sent shivers up his spine--it made it easy not to move; he should be trying to buckle it off, but he knew that sick people wanted a reaction, and that would...could make it worse? He didn’t know. “Forgive me,” the voice said. It was drawing something out of Sasuke’s memory, but he couldn’t place the slimy words. “I’ve just thought you were dead until very recently and I’m quite excited. Fugaku tried to hide you from me, just like he tried to hide your brother, but here you are. Isn’t it exciting?”

The hand trailed lower, but--but Sasuke had other things to think about. It was rather kind of his kidnapper to give him things to think about to distract himself. His father had tried to hide Itachi? He couldn’t remember. He supposed that after his mom’s arm showed up in a box, he’d stopped being able to concentrate. Itachi was there in the morning, and was gone by the same night. And. Sasuke had only realized that because when he sneaked out of his room to Itachi’s, he was gone, and he never came back. And--

“Your mom was quiet too.”

If his father ever woke up, he would apologize for ever doubting his paranoia. The hand--did they tie his mom the same way too? Unable to see who was inches away? It made no sense. She was dead, they had killed her, so no, letting her see them wouldn’t have mattered. Did that mean they were going to keep him alive? Or was this just the preview? It could be. He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. 

“Pity, really. She was pretty, just like you.”

Sasuke buckled his hips. He shouldn’t have. Of course. But. No. He couldn’t. “Fuck off,” he spitted out. He shouldn’t have. He was tied, and he couldn’t even get a good look, and the hand was--but. But. He couldn’t  _ not _ say anything. That was his mom he was talking about and--

“But, I imagined, not pretty enough for your dad. Maybe if he hadn’t already been numbed by all the disappearing family members...I should have grabbed your mother first. But no matter. Now, we’re here. Fugaku is going to die, and here you are! And  _ in love _ , it’s perfect, really.”

The ceiling was white. Too white. He closed his eyes, but Naruto’s face showed up, and he couldn’t do that, not while--not--not while this was happening. The white ceiling was better. “I’m not in love,” he said. His breath hitched. No. No. No. No--

“Oh, don’t worry, Sasuke. I’d start with your dog first. I know you can’t really see anything, but I’d bring him here for you. I’m not heartless. He’ll bleed out on you, won’t that be fun? And then, I don’t know. Who do you like better? Kakashi or Naruto? Or Minato? Kushina? I’d drag Suigetsu and Jugo, but they might take awhile getting here, although, I imagined at least one of them would be glad to be dead--” 

No. No. No. No. “What do you want?”

“The same thing I wanted from Fugaku, of course. Nothing unresonable, I promise. Just money, and a business front for my own business. I’ll spare you the details, I learned that maybe if I had spared him the details, he would have agreed, and everyone would still be alive. Or he could have listened to Namikaze, I imagined--well, it was no one’s fault--” 

“It was your fault!” Sasuke bit down on his lip. But. But. “And I don’t have a company, so you can just kill me--” 

“Weren’t you listening?” The hand stopped and--and Sasuke had never been more relieved in his life. “I was sure I told them to go over his will with you? I guess you can be excused, I supposed you’ve had a lot of things in your mind lately. Fugaku is going to die, and that means the company is yours, unless someone finds Itachi, I guess, but no one can find that slimmy weasel, so--” 

“Fuck off.”

“Really, Sasuke?” The hand was on his throat, nails digging into it. But that had to be better than on his...lower area. “I was sure someone had taught you manners. No matter. I’ll give you some time to thing thinks over.” With one last squeeze, the hand disappeared. That didn’t mean anything, of course, because it could just be out of view. Behind the wood. Watching. Or he could have left soundlessly. It was a toss up. 

If he got out of alive, the white ceiling would join in on the rest of his nightmares. But that was for the future. If there was a future. For now, the ceiling was better than the memories, real or fake, that assaulted him every time he closed his eyes for longer than a second. The ceiling was better than thinking about anything--it’s not like he should listen to whatever had been said, because monsters lied, and--and entertaining any of those thoughts...it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t help anything. And there was nothing to think over. If he really made it out alive and his father really died...then, he would turn blind eye on anything and everything. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. But. He couldn’t lose everyone. People who weren’t even involved--he had no idea who Kushina was, but that didn’t mean she should  _ die _ . 

And neither did Urushi or Kakashi or Naruto or--oh. Oh. Wait. Was Kushina Naruto’s mom? Mrs. Uzumaki? He laughed, fully aware that was an innapropiate response and fully unable to stopped. He couldn’t believe it had taken  _ this _ to figure out Mrs. Uzumaki’s first name, it was absolutely ridiculous. He couldn’t stop, even if it hurt to laugh. Behind his laughter, he heard footsteps, and he heard blaring shots, but they couldn’t have landed on him because he was still laughing and if he was still laughing, then he couldn’t be dead.

“Sasuke!”

He recognized the voice before there was a face. “Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, choking back a laugh. Or something else. “I--I finally know Mrs. Uzumaki’s name.  _ Kushina _ . It’s a pretty name.” He could see more now, it was so nice of Mr. Uzumaki to remove those wooden blocks. He looked like a policeman. Because he was. He laughed. Watching a trail of blood, a body at the end of it. It looked like a ghost, the pale skin contrasted by the dark, long hair. 

It looked like Mr. Uzumaki was talking. His mouth was moving. But some of his buddies were taking away the body and--he lunged at it. Had Mr. Uzumaki untied him? It didn’t matter. He pounded his fists against the dead body, hearing a crack, knowing it couldn’t feel anything anymore, but it didn’t matter because he killed his mom and--and someone was pulling him back, holding him back. 

Mr. Uzumaki. If it had been anyone else, maybe he would have lashed out at them too. Maybe they knew that. They were taking the body away, and there were so many other people around, but it didn’t really matter. Mr. Uzmaki was saying something, but that didn’t matter either. Mr. Uzmaki helped him outside, a nice thought because Sasuke didn’t remember walking inside, and the hallways seemed all alike, white, just like that ceiling and--his hands broke the fall, but he couldn’t do much to stop the hot bile from coming out. It burned his throat and it was disgusting, but he couldn’t help it. He felt a hand on his back, rubbing circles and--no. Nothing had happened. Nothing happened. It was Mr. Uzumaki, making sure that he was okay, and even if it wasn’t, nothing had happened. 

Nothing. 

Mr. Uzumaki was holding him by the shoulders, and they were walking. There were less police cruisers than he would have thought, which was nice. It was nice. He didn’t think they would have gotten inside if sirens were blaring miles away. That made sense. Naruto’s dad was so smart. 

“Kakashi, I told you to stay away.”

Sasuke looked up, having never heard Mr. Uzumaki angry. Kakashi stood there, next to their car, pale like---like a ghost. 

“You did. And yet.” 

Sasuke heard Kakashi say. It had never occured to him that...Kakashi was an idiot. He could have died. He glanced at Mr. Uzumaki, most of the features blurred away, but it didn’t matter because he could have died too. Everyone could have died.  _ For what _ ? And. He felt someone--Kakashi--pulling him closer, and Sasuke let him, even if he was an idiot, because he was still alive. He was. He could feel him breathing, could hear his heartbeat, which meant that he was still alive. 

Sasuke didn’t cry until Urushi ran up to him. Hours later. After going to the station, after answering question, after getting sick and tired of telling everyone that  _ nothing happened _ . It was late. He wasn’t sure the day, but on the drive back from the station, he could only hoped that it wasn’t Saturday, because he was supposed to attend detention, and he didn’t know if missing it would go on his permanent record. He didn’t think he had been...staring at that ceiling for that many days, but he didn’t really know anything. 

Except when Urushi ran up to him, his tail wagging, and Sasuke started crying, his mind conjured up images of everyone dead. And. It didn’t matter if he was Sasuke Uchiha or Sasuke Hatake or Sasuke-Whats-His-Face, he couldn’t let anyone get hurt because of him. He couldn’t. He wasn’t. Not Kakashi. Not Naruto. Not anyone. Not Urushi. 

He allowed the sloppy licks as he faced Kakashi, who was sitting with his back against the wall, looking at him like he’d been given a second chance at something. His stomach twisted. It was for the best. Kakashi was never going to die for him. “How did you guys find me?”

“They took you in front of a cop’s house,” Kakashi replied, slipping something out of his pocket. “And you dropped your phone.”

Sasuke took it, looking at it. He couldn’t remember dropping it. It didn’t matter. Or--apparently it had mattered, but it didn’t matter  _ now _ . “Thank you.” He cleared his throat, petting Urushi behind the ears. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Do you need anything?”

Sasuke stood up, pocketing his phone. “No. I’m okay. Thanks, Kakashi, for everything,” he smiled softly, tiredly. But not sadly. He wasn’t a sap. Urushi was so soft, but it couldn’t be helped, with one last pet, he headed upstairs, grabbing a towel, and locking his bathroom door. He sat at the edge of the bathtub, taking a small breath as he turned on the water. He should undress. His socks were getting wet. It was gross. He’d probably get sick. But it didn’t matter. Not anymore. 

He took a long breath before managing to look at his phone. The battery was full, which--was hilarious, to think that Kakashi had taken the time to charge it, maybe he really did believe that his generation was too dependent on phones for everything. They were. But Kakashi was a teacher. And biased. So, it didn’t count. 

Jugo. He shut his eyes as he heard the line, holding his breath. 

“Sasuke?”

His voice sounded the same, low and calm and warm. He did his best to ignore the sharp pain in his stomach. Guilt. “I’m sorry I haven’t called. Until now.” He gripped his phone, “but.” His pants were wet now, too. It didn’t matter. “I--I need your help, I would have called Suigetsu, but--” 

“It’s fine, Sasuke.” Jugo was always too nice. 

It made him want to stab himself. Maybe he should. He really should. “Can...you come?” 

There wasn’t even a pause. “Of course, always. I’ll try to be there tomorrow. Will you guys pick me up?”

“Yes.”

“I think Suigetsu still in school, but I’m sure--” 

“No. No.” Sasuke cleared his throat, “he can’t skip finals.”

“I don’t think he’ll mind.”

He wouldn’t. “No.” He took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you later, Sasuke.”

Sasuke hung up, setting his phone on the toilet seat, scurrying closer to the water. He’ll undress eventually. And take a shower. Eventually. 


	16. Chapter 16

Spotting Jugo was easy. He saw the bright orange hair hovering over everyone else before he saw anything else. Sasuke wasn’t a particularly short person, but Jugo towered over him--he towered over everyone, height wise, width wise. He would have been a great football player, if only he hadn’t refused so adamatly about giving other players concussions. Might as well. Sasuke didn’t think Jugo had a competitive hair on his head; he’d probably pass the ball to the opposing team just to be nice. 

So nice. To even show up now, after Sasuke had abandoned him when Kimimaro died. Too nice. “Hi,” he said. Because despite the fact that he was the one who begged him to come, he didn’t know what to say. Especially not with Kakashi next to him. “How was the flight?”

“It was okay, had a chance to watch a couple of movies.”

Six hours. Yeah, plenty of time to watch some movies. Sasuke smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sounds great.”

Jugo nodded. “How are you, Kakashi?” 

“Pretty good.” 

Sasuke was sure that was a lie because this morning, he found Kakashi standing in front of his door, his eyes opened like he hadn’t slept the entire night, like he’d been keeping guard the entire time. He didn’t know how he managed to teach for a whole school day, but he had, and he had energy to drive to the airport. It turned out that Sasuke hadn’t been staring at the ceiling that long, and it was still Tuesday, and he had gone to school, despite the headache and...other things. It didn’t matter. Kakashi was lying, and he was pretty sure that Jugo knew that too. But it was fine. Sasuke was sometimes nice, too, so he helped Jugo with his luggage. It wasn’t heavy, and it’s not like he couldn’t carry it himself, but--but Jugo had dropped everything to come in a day, and it was the least he could do. 

The ride back was quiet. Expected. Kakashi was a quiet person, and so was Jugo, and everything that Sasuke wanted to say he couldn’t say, and everything that he didn’t want to say, he wouldn’t. So. A quiet. Quiet ride. And then, they made it home, and Urushi leaped onto Jugo’s arms, who had good enough reflexes to catch him and enough balance to stay upright, and Urushi’s tail was wagging like crazy, and--

Sasuke had to look away. Take a small breath, just to remind himself that Urushi wasn’t dead, wasn’t bleeding on him, after some psycho shot him or cut him or. He was brought back by Jugo’s voice, barely audible, cooing at the eighty pound dog licking his face. 

“We’ll be upstairs,” he told Kakashi.

“Okay. I’ll call you guys when dinner’s ready.”

Kakashi looked sad. But he was  _ alive _ . And that was a victory. It wouldn’t have been before, but now--now, it was. Sasuke didn’t have a lot of good things in his life, not anymore, not when--not after. Nothing happened. Anyway. Anyway, Kakashi was alive, so it made sense that he was sad. He nudged Jugo carefully, urging him upstairs, not surprised that he carried Urushi all the way to the bedroom, before finally settling him down on the bed, not even trying to avoid the licks. Of course not. Jugo was a good person, a great person, and. Sasuke sat down on the bed, trying to smile because his best friend was here with him, and his dog was happy, judging by the tail, at least, and he should be happy, too, but the only thing he could feel was...shame. And. Fear? And nothing. It was stupid. 

“How’s school going?” Jugo asked. He loved that about him--he knew that Jugo knew that something was wrong, which was stupid, because nothing was wrong, but if something was wrong, then Jugo knew not to ask, and after spending so much time with Naruto...he really appreciated that. 

“Good,” he said, finally, after making sure that his voice could work properly. “It’s been great, Kakashi’s my chemistry teacher, but it’s not too bad.” He took a deep breath. “How’s college?”

“It’s good,” Jugo said. “I was able to get some of the pre-vet classes that I need already, it’s nothing much with animals yet, but they were enjoyable.”

Sasuke smiled, staring at the empty spot next to him, and like magic, Jugo filled it up, and that was the other great thing about him because Sasuke didn’t even need to speak, Jugo could just read his mind, which was great because he rather never say a word in his life ever again. But. “Are--you really okay?”

Jugo nodded. “I started going to the therapist. School has one free, well, not  _ free _ , but included in tuition, so I thought it would be good use of my money, or the government’s money.”

And because he was that great, he pulled him a little closer, and Sasuke let him, even though he really shouldn’t, but he did; it wasn’t his fault he missed him. Although, it was his fault that he hadn’t...talked to him. Until. Until after. That. “I’m...glad to hear that.”

“Me too,” Jugo said. “It’s what he would have wanted, anyway.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he would have.” Sasuke knew that he was a hypocrite for thinking it, but Kimimaro would have gone to a therapist. He wasn’t judging. He wasn’t. It was a terminal illness, and he’d chose to take matters into his own hands, but. But he broke Jugo, and. “Sorry for not...being there.” Urushi’s tail was still wagging, and he couldn’t help but wish that some of that happiness could consume him, too. “I should--” 

“It’s not like I was letting anyone be there for me, Sasuke,” he said. Which was sort of true, but still. “My therapist says that sometimes, I can feel angry without having good outlets for that anger.”

Funny. That was something he vaguely remembered Kakashi saying just...yesterday? It felt like a lifetime ago. It sounded stupid, but he couldn’t remember who he’d been yesterday. He swallowed. “I’ve never seen you angry.”

“That time I threw a chair at your general direction was me being angry, Sasuke.”

He remembered that. Vaguely. The memory had, apparently, been replaced by other, fresher memories that were just worse. “That was no one’s fault--” 

“It was kinda extremely my fault.” Jugo sighed. “And I could have called you too, you know. I know Suigetsu sometimes texts you and I could have too; he’ll be so angry when he finds out I’m here.”

“I’ll see him soon, too.” He had to. “Jugo?” The door was still closed, and he didn’t exactly think that Kakashi was eavesdropping, because he hadn’t actually ever eavesdropped on Jugo and him, not actively at least, but he lowered his voice nontheless. “Can you take me back with you?”

“Of course,” Jugo replied, like he had just asked if he could bring him a soda or something. “Is there an explanation?”

Urushi was curled up, he looked like a black hole, Jugo’s feet underneath him, probably warm, and. “I--I can’t be here anymore.” He couldn’t be with Jugo either, but once in the east coast he could leave, too. And. Not be here. Not be anywhere. Just. Just looking for his brother, or. Or. Or not being here. 

“Did Kakashi do something to you?”

Sasuke shook his head, quickly, frowning. “No. Nothing happened, I just can’t be here anymore. I need to leave and..find someone.” He realized--he realized that listening to that person was not the best thing to do, but just like he couldn’t forget that stupid feeling, or the feeling of that sickening hand, he couldn’t forget the words either. It had been rather explicitly said that his mother had been there, but...Itachi, apparently no one could find? And--and it was a long shot, but if his brother was  _ somewhere _ , he’d die trying to find him. He’d give his entire life, if that’s what it took.

If only so that Itachi could take over the company. It was selfish, he realized, but--but he didn’t want it. It had never been for him, anyway. He was the second born son, and Itachi was the first, and that meant the company went to him. Which was awesome. Because he didn’t want it. He didn’t want anything, except to disappear so people wouldn’t die. 

“Can I help you find the person?” Sasuke shook his head, and Jugo nodded. “The only problem, I think if you don’t tell anyone, they might think I kidnapped you.”

“Don’t say that,” Sasuke said, more tensed than he hoped, his hands clenching. “I’m... going to ask Kakashi if I can spend Winter Break with you.”

“And then you’ll come back?”

Sasuke paused for a moment. The easy answer would be to say yes, but--he wasn’t planning on coming back, ever, and he didn’t feel like he could lie to Jugo. “Not particularly.”

“I don’t think that’s going to fly with Kakashi.”

He glanced at the door. Something tightened in his stomach, but it was okay. Kakashi would stay alive, and it would be okay. Everyone would be alive, and everything would be okay. He reached out to pet Urushi. He couldn’t take him. That--that would defeat the purpose of leaving. His hand froze, and it took him more than he liked to pull it back. “By the time he finds out, it’ll be too late,” he said, clearing his throat. Trying not to laugh because it was a crazy plan, but his entire life was crazy, and it might just work. He hoped it could work. He would prefer it if he could find Itachi and if he could disappear, but he could also take a more permanent solution if pushed came to shove, and that was okay, too. But. He shook his head, “They won’t blame you, if you say I ran away.”

“And you are, aren’t you? Running away from me too?” Jugo had known him for so long, that apparently, he didn’t need an answer to that. “You need to promise you’ll let me know you’re alive. Ocasionally, whenever you can.”

“I will.” He could do that. Probably. Possibly. “We’ll have to work on the schematics, but I will. I promise,” he said. He couldn’t think of the schematics at the moment because he couldn’t think right at the moment, probably wouldn’t be able to think ever again, maybe until he was dead, but it was okay. 

“We will,” Jugo said. 

Sasuke scooted closer to him, “I really missed you.” And would miss him. It was for the best, though. 

“Same.”

Sasuke smiled a little at that, but it hurt to smile, and he didn’t have the energy to do that. He was finding that...he didn’t really have energy to do much of anything. It probably had something to do with not being able to sleep, and--well, now sleep was definietly out the window. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t--couldn’t even stare up at his ceiling. It was pathetic. 

“I’m tired,” Jugo said, after the silence had dragged out.

Even though they both knew that Jugo wasn’t the one who was tired, Sasuke appreciated the way that they both pretended he was. “You can take the bed.” 

“I can also take the floor.”

Sasuke shook his head. For some stupid reason, his hands were clammy. It was stupid. He shook his head again, already moving to do his own makeshift bed on the ground. “You’re the guest, Jugo.”

“Does that mean that when you’re in my apartment, you’ll take the bed?”

Sasuke stared for a moment, before shaking his head. The bed was done, and it didn’t matter anymore, because he was already laying on it. Kakashi called them for dinner sometime later, but Sasuke pretended that he was asleep when the door opened, and wasn’t entirely convinced that Kakashi believed it, but he walked away, and it hurt his chest, but it was okay because it was for the best. 

\----

The...police...therapist was talking. Something about not being his fault--wrong, he’d practically crawled into that truck--and that everything would pass--which, also wrong, nothing ever passed. It had been a decade since everything started and...and things were still happening. The police was useless. But he nodded. Told him that he understood the importance about getting support from people who cared about him--which, wrong, because that would put them in danger, and would only make everything worse. So, overall, whatever the police was--therapist or shrink or psychiatrist--he was wrong. And bald. He was also bald. 

Mr. Uzumaki drove him back. He was the one who pulled him out of class, so it made sense that he would drive him back. It made sense. It was nice. “Mr. Uzumaki?” He began, staring out the window--it wasn’t like looking at Mr. Uzumaki would give him a good insight into his thoughts, so it didn’t matter what he was looking at. “Does Naruto know?”

“I didn’t think it was my place to let him know,” Mr. Uzumaki replied, softly. “Do you want me to?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No. I was just curious, that’s all.” If he was lucky, Naruto wouldn’t figure out anything until he left, because that was just the kind of coward he was. “I didn’t know. We haven’t talked much, recently.” If he was really lucky, Naruto wouldn’t talk to him ever again, maybe punching him in the nose  _ had _ been a good idea. 

“He’s been rather quiet since Monday,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “Sasuke, is it okay if we stop for something to eat before I drop you off? I’m a little hungry.”

“Of course, Mr. Uzumaki.” He glanced at him. He looked so much like Naruto, it was ridiculous, and stupid, and unfair. He stared outside the window again. Until there was a truck next to them, and then he was staring straight. It was stupid. “I haven’t gotten a chance to...thank you, but thank you.”

“You’re--” 

“I know it’s your job, but you could have still died. Everyone could have died, and I’m glad you’re okay. And that you didn’t die.”

Mr. Uzumaki kept quiet for a long time, long enough to be parked outside a restaurant. “It is my job, and I’m glad that it is, because I can’t imagine not being able to do anything. I guess that’s why I didn’t say more to Kakashi about tagging along, even though he really shouldn’t have done that--” 

“He could have died.” Everyone could have. It’s not like--he wasn’t making a show to point that out, he told him that he was going to kill everyone. But they weren’t dead. Yet. “But he didn’t. No one did.”

Mr. Uzumaki took the keys from the ignition, but he wasn’t getting out of the car; instead, he was turning to look at him, and Sasuke could feel himself dying a little inside. “Kakashi told me that you never went to a therapist after--” 

“Please don’t.” 

“Everything happened.” Mr. Uzumaki paused for a moment, but then, he continued talking, and Sasuke’s chest hurt too much. “So, I know that you’ve had a decade to work on your own coping mechanism, and frankly, I think you’ve done rather well, all things considered, and I know that your mind is telling you things that feel like they make sense, but I need you to know that letting people in right now is the best thing you can do, even though it might feel like it is the worst thing. Even if it feels like pushing them away is the only way to make sure they’re safe, it’s--” 

“It is.” Sasuke took a breath. It hurt. Would there ever be a time that it wouldn’t hurt to breathe anymore? He hoped so. “You wouldn’t be saying this if Naruto was dead because of me right now, Mr. Uzumaki. You’d hate me, and it would be okay because I would hate me too.” More than he already did. 

“I wouldn’t hate you,” Mr. Uzumaki said, more firmly than he should have because he would. Anyone would. “I would be extremely upset, but not with you. I’d be upset with anyone who killed Naruto, but I don’t think you would pull the trigger, would you?”

Sasuke shook his head, quickly. “Not literally. But figuratively. He said he was going to kill everyone, and it’s not like he hasn’t gone through it once already!” 

“He’s dead.”

“I know! I saw!” He’d seen the body and the blood, and he should be happy and he was, but the only thing he could really think about now was that it must have been the way his mother looked too. “But other people can do the same thing,  _ anyone _ can do it. If my father really dies.” For some stupid reason, his voice cracked, “then, I’m going to be in charge of everything and someone is going to do the same thing again and I can’t let that...happen.”

“Sasuke--” 

“No.” He shook his head, his hand scrambling to open the door. 

“Sasuke! SASUKE!”

It sounded like Mr. Uzumaki was yelling, but it didn’t matter because he was out of the car and running. It didn’t matter where. It didn’t matter how much his legs or lungs were burning. It didn’t. He didn’t know how he made it back home--to the house, but he did, and he was soon climbing onto his balcony, banging on the window. 

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke nodded, drawing shaky breaths. Because he’d just run miles, obviously. “Fine,” he said. He was. The bell rang. Which. Which shouldn’t have been as scary as it was. But. It was. He grabbed Jugo before he could get out of the room. “No...one ever...told you not...to open the door for...strangers?”

“How do we know it’s a stranger if we don’t peek?” 

Jugo was always so sensible. Sasuke let him pull him downstairs, watching as Jugo pulled back the curtain. The bell didn’t ring, but someone was banging on the door like they were trying to break it down. 

“It’s a gentleman with blond hair and--” 

“He’s my boyfriend’s dad,” Sasuke heard himself say, trying not to think too much about how that was the first thing that popped in his mind, and looking through the peephole confirmed that it was Mr. Uzumaki. Which was incredible. Sasuke opened the door, seeing Mr. Uzumaki’s cheeks flushed and...no car. Had he really chased him running? That was..

Mr. Uzumaki yanked him behind him, and Sasuke landed on his butt from the sudden movement, and when he looked up, Mr. Uzumaki’s hand was hovering dangerously close to his gun. “He’s my friend. It’s okay. He’s Jugo. A friend.”

Mr. Uzumaki sighed, sounding relieved that he hadn’t pulled a gun on an innocent person. “Sorry, uh, Jugo.”

Jugo’s eyes weren’t as wide as they should be, but without a word, he sidestepped Mr. Uzumaki to help him up. “Are you okay?”

Sasuke nodded. “Fine.” He managed a small smile, mostly for Jugo’s benefit. “Um,” he glanced over at Mr. Uzumaki, once again, lamenting his inability to read people. Especially him. “Do you mind taking Urushi on a walk?”

“Right now?” Jugo asked. Clearly minding, but clearly being Jugo and not...making it too evident. 

“Yup.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

Sasuke nodded. “Thanks.”

Jugo even towered over Mr. Uzumaki, but Mr. Uzumaki didn’t look scared, if only...maybe somewhat apologetic? It didn’t matter. They stood outside, watching until Jugo was turning the corner, Urushi’s attention completely fixed on him, instead of everything else--just further proof that Jugo would be a great vet some day. 

When Sasuke didn’t have any other excuse to look at everything except at Mr. Uzumaki, he forced his body to face him, although no matter how much he tried, his eyes couldn’t stray from the ground. “I’m sorry for...running away, and making you chase me. It won’t happen again.”

The silence was defeaning. “You didn’t  _ make _ me chase you, Sasuke. I  _ chose _ to do so.”

“Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.”

It was still defeaning. “Is it alright with you if we talk a little more? Preferably inside?”

His stomach twisted, but what was he supposed to say? No? He couldn’t. He’d already made him run at least five miles. It was the least he could do. He nodded, forcing his body to follow Mr. Uzumaki inside the house, locking the door behind him. He should probably sit down, but he couldn’t. He was barely standing up. “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Uzumaki?” Because that’s what they were supposed to have been doing, wasn’t it? He had stopped at a restaurant because he was hungry because he probably skipped lunch driving him around, and--and here they were. If Mr. Uzumaki chased him and arrived, practically at the same time, then he couldn’t have possibly eaten anything. 

“Will you make me something after we talk?”

Sasuke was sure that the question was carefully phrased for a reason, but he couldn’t put his finger on it at the moment. “Yeah. I can do that.”

“Do you want to sit down?”

Sasuke glanced at the couch, where Kakashi usually sat down to read the newspaper, while he played the piano. He didn’t know why his feet seemed glue to the floor, but after a few seconds, or minutes, he managed to drag himself to the couch. “I’m fine,” he said. To clarify. In case Mr. Uzumaki was worried. He shouldn’t be. He really should be worried about Naruto and his wife. Not the stupid neighbor kid who was more trouble than he was worth. 

“Sas--” 

He stood up again. It wasn’t his fault. The couch was uncomfortable, he couldn’t understand how Kakashi liked it so much. “I can make food right now. I’m hungry too. Wait a second, Mr. Uzumaki, it won’t take long, I promise.” 

“You’re going to work yourself into a panic, Sasuke.”

“No!” He took a breath. It hurt. “No. I’m not. It’s fine. I--I thought about what you said, and you’re right, I shouldn’t be pushing people away.” He wiped his hands on his pants, unable to tell whether the sweat was from nerves or the lies, but not caring too much either way. “I won’t, I promise. I’m just going to make--” 

The door opened. It was Kakashi. Sasuke did his best to ignore the way that Mr. Uzumaki’s hands went straight for his gun, again. Like they were seconds away from someone shooting at them. Which--which , if it was the case, then Sasuke really hoped that it would be someone with great aim, so they could just shoot him and get it over. Although--although, that...if he was dead...then. The man said that the point was to kill other people, not him. In which case--in which case, maybe he’ll just jump into the storm of bullets and get it over with. It’ll be quick. He shook his head, finding himself at the table with a burger in front of him. 

Mr. Uzumaki was sitting opposite to him, and he looked like he was talking, except not to him, he didn’t think--to Kakashi, who was opening the door. For Jugo. And Urushi. Sasuke glanced away, not sure when he could really bring himself to look at his dog again, but...not yet. Maybe never. 

“Are these the famous burgers everyone say they’re better than the ones in east coast?” Jugo asked, already sitting down next to Sasuke.

“To be honest,” Kakashi said. “I think they are better.”

“Traitor.” Jugo said. Although, Sasuke was thinking it a little, too. “You’re never allowed back in the east coast, Kakashi.”

“If only,” he replied. 

Which was great. Because that way he wouldn’t look for him. He shouldn’t. They shouldn’t. No one should. If he could, Sasuke would stop looking for himself, too. He was sure that everyone was talking still, but it didn’t matter, because with Jugo around, the adults, apparently, didn’t feel the need to say...well-intentioned, but completely inaccurate things. Sasuke managed to finish about a third of the burger, chewing as slow as he could, and working down his gagging instinct. He didn’t get it. He should eat. Something. But. It almost hurt to eat. 

Almost as much as it hurt to sleep. It was stupid. Sasuke was aware of that. But he couldn’t close his eyes. He was pretty sure that Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki were still talking downstairs, or just being miserable in each other’s company, or plotting on how to get rid of him...he shook his head. Urushi and Jugo were asleep. He was pretty sure. He was supposed to be asleep too, because it had been his idea to sleep so early, but. 

He sat up, as slowly as he could, but Jugo was snoring softly. After being a creep and staring for a second, he crawled over to the window, and then, slipped outside, climbing down the tree, ignoring the slight pain of doing it barefoot. It was okay. 

It was stupid. Naruto and he had a fight, and--and Sasuke was leaving anyway. But. Maybe Naruto would be in a good mood and let him stay there for awhile, not to cuddle, just to...stay there. For awhile. He’ll go back. And disappear from everyone’s lives and it would be okay. He climbed onto his balcony, knocking on the glass as softly as he could, shifting his weight on his feet because the floor was cold and the last thing he needed was to get sick. 

The curtain was pulled back, and Sasuke couldn’t help but stare a little at the stupid frog hat that Naruto was wearing. His “study” hat. Supposedly made him smart, although it really just made him look like an idiot. He offered up a smile, a tiny one, because he was the one who showed up unnanounced, and the least he could do was...smile.

“Hey,” Naruto said, letting him inside. It was nice of him. Especially considering the bruise on his face. “Where are your shoes?”

Sasuke looked down, before shrugging. “I don’t know. I lost them.”

“You lost them?”

“Yeah, you have a problem with that?”

Naruto stared for a moment, before closing the balcony door. He shoved him onto the bed, and Sasuke let him, because it didn’t matter. He blinked when a pair of socks hit him in the face. 

“Put them on. They’re fuzzy. And you’re going to get sick--” 

“I’m not--” 

“And we can’t have that because we’re on finals, and if you’re sick, you won’t be able to concentrate properly.” Naruto took a seat next to him, grabbing him by the leg.

“I can put them on myself!”

“You were taking too long,” Naruto replied, letting his leg go and grabbing the other one. Sasuke really needed to sleep, it looked like Naruto was moving at the speed of light, which was stupid and impossible. “There. You can borrow shoes when you go home.”

Something tightened. Sasuke cleared his throat. “What are you doing?”

Naruto flopped down on the bed with a long sigh. Before. Before, Sasuke would have done the same, but now, it meant looking at the ceiling and that was not. A. Thing that. He was planning to do. “I was reading some summary on  _ Owen Meany _ . You were right, it is a stupid book.” He shrugged, and pulled him down. 

Sasuke turned on his side as soon as his back hit the mattress. “I told you.”

Naruto turned on his side, too. His nose was purple, but it was okay, because Sasuke already hated himself. “You did. I would have thought it was heroic, but...it just made me a little sad. Oh, well. I guess that is the thematic similarity between all those books, isn’t it? They’re all depressing as fuck.” 

“Yeah--” 

“Sasuke?”

He held his breath. “What?”

“You...know how I said you owe me dinner? I...I’ve been practicing making an omelette, will you eat it tomorrow? If I bring it to school? Or if I just pick you up? I mean, you totally still owe me dinner, but I thought I could owe you breakfast. For kicking you. And...getting you detention.”

His chest felt like there was an enormous hole ripping it apart. “You’re...such an idiot. Are you sure it’ll be edible?”

Naruto shoved him. “Jackass.” But there was a smile. It was too big, too bright. Alive. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. I’ve tried it, and I haven’t died--” 

“I’m pretty sure you could eat trash, and your stomach would be fine. But fine, I’ll take one for the team.” He chuckled when Naruto shoved him again. “What were you going to do? Before I showed up, I mean.”

Naruto glanced away. “I was...going to call you, actually. How was the doctor?”

Sasuke kept quiet for a moment, until he remembered that he was supposed to have gone to the doctor. Phyiscal doctor, not the...head doctor. “He said I was perfectly healthy,” he said, figuring that if he had gone for a physical, that would have been the result. “Clearly.”

“Good.” Naruto smiled. “Did he say anything about your sleep pattern?”

Sasuke shook his head, giving a small shrug. His sleep pattern was nonexistent--obviously, and sometimes, he did take sleeping pills because he was dead on his feet and if he didn’t, he would probably faint. “I...didn’t bring it up.” 

“You don’t have to bring it up, Sasuke,” he said. “You are actually starting to look like a raccoon--” 

“Tell me what you really think...”

Naruto sighed, before leaning forward to kiss his forehead. “I’m just worried. I’ve even been thinking about giving you my lucky pjs.”

“I don’t think they would help, but thanks.”

Naruto stood up, and Sasuke...didn’t miss his warmth. It didn’t matter, he came back soon enough, with those orange...things. “You can put them on, or I can put them on you...”

Sasuke took them. Not actually minding them. They were soft, and...he did usually sleep when he was wearing them. At this point, the pajamas were more his than Naruto’s. He turned on his side, a second later, feeling a dip on the bed, and Naruto’s arm pulling them closer. How much energy would it take to banish all these memories? He shut his eyes when Naruto started playing with his hair, with his other hand; he could be so quiet when his hands had something to do. Sasuke huddled closer, until he was convinced that Naruto’s heartbeat had become his own. 

It was for the best. 


	17. Chapter 17

“He’s here,” Minato said, closing his son’s door, after finding Sasuke and Naruto cuddling asleep together, on top of the covers. “I’ll make sure he goes to school tomorrow. Good night.” He hung up, looking down at the screen for a moment.

It was troubling, the way neither Kakashi or he had realized that Sasuke was gone from the house, by his own accords. That, and Sasuke’s panic earlier in the day, hinted at a larger problem, one that would explode eventually, but Minato was still unsure on how to navigate it. On one hand, pushing the kid to remain within safety boundaries was not only callous, considering his upbringing, but could also backfire in a second as the boundaries became associated with a loss of freedom prominent in kidnappings. But on the other hand, letting Sasuke self-regulate could only lead to disaster by his inexperienced and frankly, alarming rate at which he escalated into panic. 

As he sighed, he ran his fingers through his fingers. When he realized Sasuke was really the missing son of Fugaku Uchiha, he had thought that life was giving him another chance to make things right; he still thought that, and he was grateful for the opportunity and genuinly happy to know the kid and excited that his own son spend hours talking about him with a lovesick smile on his face. But after they kidnapped him in his doorstep, he couldn’t help but feel that, once again, he was woefully unprepared to help. 

“Are you coming to bed soon?”

Minato glanced up, smiling, “I’m just going to check the locks.”

“Hurry up. Naruto’s not the only one who likes to cuddle.”

Despite himself, he chuckled, but took his time checking that each window and door were locked. Twice. Three times. He considered placing a bell on Naruto’s door, in case Sasuke tried to leave in the middle of the night, but he doubted that could be possible; he knew Sasuke wasn’t sleeping, seeing the kid and talking to Kakashi confirmed as much, and the few times he did sleep were in Naruto’s bed. Besides, if he did try to leave, it would be through the balcony, not the main door. He knew this. 

“Sorry, I took so long,” he said, as way of conversation. Kushina was already in bed, the bedside lamp on, typing on her laptop. 

“It’s fine,” she said, glancing up as her fingers danced across the keyboard. “Everything locked?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” He asked, as he changed into his pajamas. 

Kushina gave a small non-commital hum. “I have to do some last minute edits for the article because apparently, my use of commas is not correct.”

Before settling into bed, he grabbed the yellow folder with the information on the Uchiha’s incedent. “To everyone’s defense, you do have a peculiar fondness for commas.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, more people should like them as much as I do,” Kushina replied. They moved closer to each other, until their shoulders were touching. “How’s everything going?”

Minato couldn’t stop the sigh from slipping through. “Sasuke...is overwhelmed, hardly his fault, of course, but I’m really worried about him.”

“Poor kid,” she placed the laptop on the table, before taking the yellow folder. “But everyone has been rounded up? Right?”

“We’re trying.” He picked up a copy of Sasuke’s missing report from ten years ago. “But the more someone pulls on the threads, the more everything tumbles down. Shikaku told me the secretary took a cyanide pill as they were interrogating her, and Kakashi told me that the two men who took Sasuke were the ones checking up on them when they moved here. It adds up, I guess, Orochimaru seemed to know about Fugaku’s will, at least Sasuke said he did. I wished I hadn’t shot him, if only so that we could get an explanation out of him, for everything.”

“If you hadn’t shot him, he could have hurt Sasuke,” Kushina pointed out. 

“I know.” He set the missing report down. “I just can’t believe all of this has happened.” He pointed at the shared wall with Naruto’s bedroom, “I mean, the kid could loose his father at any second, and I know that he doesn’t seem him as a father figure, but that’s his only blood relative left.” Except Itachi, which Sasuke seemed to believe was alive because of something Orochimaru said. He wasn’t allowed to interfere in interrogations, but someone should have stopped that train of thought from even starting, but they hadn’t, and now, he was left with that responsability. He didn’t mind it, but he was unsure on how to go about convincing Sasuke that even if Itachi was alive, no one knew anything about him. 

“I thought he said his brother was still alive.”

Minato sighed, picking up Itachi Uchiha’s missing report. Last seen when he was thirteen, at the family’s house. “I don’t think he is, but a few months ago, I would have said the same thing about Sasuke.” Their photos made them look like brothers, although Itachi seemed to have taken the cold eyes from his father. He doubted that they would look much like brothers now--if no one had spotted Itachi, then surely, he couldn’t be walking around looking like himself. “I guess if Fugaku never wakes up, we’ll never really know.” He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes, both from frustration and tireness. 

“Or if Sasuke finds him,” Kushina said. “I mean, if I was told that my missing sibling was still alive, I’d try to find them, too. Tragic story or not.”

“Anyone would, but he can’t.” Minato sighed. “Kakashi might have a heart attack if that happens.” He still could not believe Kakashi had followed them to that house. “Besides, until everything calms down, Sasuke can’t be by himself, not just to keep him safe from others, but to keep him safe from himself. Did I tell you he ran all the way from Downtown back here this afternoon?” 

“He does run a lot, and no one should blame him for trying to physically run away from his problems,” Kushina said, beginning to braid her hair. “What I can’t wrap my head around,” she began, giving the papers spread across the bed another glance, “is how Fugaku would let random employees check in on his son? You’d think that if he was worried about Sasuke’s safety, he would be the only one to know that he was still alive.”

Minato picked up the papers, shoving them back into the yellow folder. “You got me there, though I supposed with that much trauma, one can’t blame him for making irrational decisions. Kakashi did say that those employees were the highest-paid, although, if the only motivation is money, it wouldn’t take much for other offers to come in. Kakashi said the patterns of check-ins are hardly patterns and sometimes, they show up a lot and sometimes, they’ve gone whole years without hearing from anyone.”

“Those Fugaku switch them out then?”

Minato shrugged, helplessly. “I’ve no idea, but maybe his goal was to confuse everyone, in which case, he mostly succeeded.”

“He should have listened to you,” Kushina said, her voice low enough to be lost to the night, but not low enough for the words or the anger to be lost on him.

“I was a rookie--” 

“That doesn’t change the fact.”

“No,” Minato agreed. “But it is standard practice not to negotiate with kidnappers, and we don’t know what would have happened if he had given them the money. They could have kept them and asked for more. In fact, they could have just kept either son for the rest of their lives and asked for more.” He sighed, shifting to lay more comfortably on the bed. “Can anyone really ask someone else to put a price on their sons’ heads?”

“No.” Kushina laid down, too. “But what kind of man would advise a father to not even hear kidnappers out?”

Minato closed his eyes, the conversation a familiar one. One that they had been having for almost ten years; one of their rare arguments. “Danzo has years of experience--” 

“And yet, a whole family was still massacred,” Kushina replied. “And the product of those murders is sleeping with our son. I know you know Sasuke more than I do, but it doesn’t take a genius to realize how broken that kid is. And if there had ever been even the slightest opportunity for him to grow up in a normal family, and it was taken, because you were a rookie and your boss disliked you? That is something to be enraged about. If it wouldn’t bring forth Sasuke’s identity, I would hope that Danzo would be forced to issue a personal apology to him.”

Minato sighed. “If you think that Sasuke is already broken, I think we can both agree that having him become Sasuke Uchiha would shatter him.”

“I’m only saying that if he ever chooses to do that, I hope he knows that there is a man out there who whispered in his father’s ears that keeping the integrity of a company was more important than keeping his entire family alive.”

Not for the first time, Minato was left in awe at his wife’s stubborn streak. “We should catch some sleep.” He smiled at the quick peck in the corner of his lips. 

“Good night,” Kushina said, turning the light off.

“Good night.” He closed his eyes, in the back of his mind, aware that Kushina was still awake, but letting exhaustion take him. 

\------

“Shikaku,” Minato knocked on his door. “Can I have a word?” Shukaku glanced up from his computer, nodding at the empty chair across from his desk. Minato took a seat, waiting until he finished typing. “Have we gotten anything on the cameras?”

Shukaku kept quiet for a long time, usual; the man tended to elaborate on his own arguments before even considering sharing a thought with anyone. “Your niece was trying to hack them and around the same time, so did Kakashi. Known facts. But there are two other...signatures, per say, that are linked around the same time. One of them is coming from Uchiha Inc. main address, although I’d be hard pressed to think Fugaku Uchiha needs to hack his own security cameras.”

Minato shook his head, “no, I imagined he would not.” A mole, he knew Shikaku was thinking the same thing, which only confirmed it. “And the other one?”

There was a frown on Shukaku’s face, as he shook his head, “the middle of the pacific.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

That--Minato wasn’t ready to consider the implication that there was someone out there who could leave Shikaku stomped. “Can you at least tell me that everyone involved knows to keep Sasuke’s identity a secret?”

“Of course. Especially with the apparent hermit in the Pacific Ocean, but I wouldn’t worry about us,” Shikaku pulled a folder and handed it over. “The real question is which employees know and which do not.”

Minato glanced up from the list of names, too many of them to investigate, which he supposed, was just what Orochimaru had been counting on, it would be just like him to prey on paranoia. “I’ll talk to Kakashi and see if he can remember anything useful.”

“Hm. You’re sure he’s not one of them?”

A question he’d considered over the months. But he had already interrogated him, for two hours, catching him completely unaware. There were no money trails to Kakashi, they really did live on the teaching salary, and he doubted anyone would be crazy enough to harm their best friend’s cousin. Some would call him sentimental, like Shikaku, and it was understandable, but his sixth sense had never led him astray. “I’m sure. Kakashi would die for Sasuke without a second thought; if he didn’t love him, he would have returned him a long time ago, wouldn’t he? Certainly more trouble than he’s worth, I’d imagined. Besides, there’s hours of video footage of him, without considering the lack of privacy, there’s something to be said about the alibi he’s had over the past eight years.”

“And the first two? Could have easily been used to plan something.”

Minato glanced down at the names again. “I doubt it. If he was trying to hide something, he wouldn’t have agreed to let us talk to his therapist, with full disclosure.”

“The therapist that you recommended.”

Minato shrugged. “We can bring him in for formal questioning, he won’t mind, but I’d rather save time and resources and focus on the real problems. We’ve known for years that Orochimaru laundered money, drugs, and body parts, but now he’s dead, and his empire has a vaccum. I’d like to know who is going to take over that.”

“That’s out of our paygrade, Minato,” Shikaku said. “We’re about two days away from the feds to sweep this out of our hands, if you’re concerned about Sasuke, this would be a great time to talk to him about the potential for all of this to go public.”

“The kidnapping was in our juridiction--” 

“But Orochimaru has run a criminal empire for years and that, is the feds problem.” He stood up, “and you won’t believe who is coming.”

Minato folded the papers, doing his best to let the tension seep away. “Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”

“Careful, Minato. He’ll probably ask you the same thing--I mean, Sasuke is going out with your son, you guys are practically next door neighbors. If you aren’t careful, someone might just transfer you to traffic school.”

Minato nodded, before leaving Shikaku’s office. He would like to think that he didn’t care if he was transferred, again, but, besides the pay and job, he wouldn’t be much help if he was kicked out of the case. If that meant being civil with Danzo Shimura, then he could manage it. Although, he would have hoped for more of a heads up, than returning to his own office and finding the man already sitting down. The last decade seemed to have worn on him, the frown lines seemingly a permanent fixture on his forehead, and the dark hair peppered with some gray. But the expression, cold and efficient, was just as he remembered. He’d only worked under Danzo for a year, earlier in his career, before being asked to serve as a detective in an affluent and safe community. That, had been, apparently more to his strengths. 

“Mr. Shimura,” Minato began, taking a seat. “What a surprise.”

After a second, Danzo raised an eyebrow, “I can hardly imagine it is a surprise. A missing child just turned up, after a decade, and not just any missing child, Sasuke Uchiha.”

Of course, he hadn’t expected him not to know, but some prepping time would have been nice. “Quite crazy,” Minato replied, fully remembering the way Danzo’s eyes made it seem like he was looking into someone’s soul, but fully capable of keeping a non-commital smile on his face. 

“And your son’s boyfriend, incredible.”

“Imagine my surprise when I found that out,” he shook his head. “I thought someone kidnapped him for sex trafficking, but come to find out that he is the missing child of Fugaku Uchiha, heir to the Uchiha empire; I haven’t been able to break the news to Naruto.”

“Cut the crap, Minato.”

Minato shrugged, a warm smile on his face, “I’m serious. I’m still baffled at it all.” Danzo didn’t seem to believe him, expected, but Minato was a natural blond with no qualms about playing that stereotype. “It didn’t make sense until Sasuke mentioned it, I couldn’t wrap my mind around why Orochimaru would take the time out of his day to personally kidnap a kid.”

“You understand, then, why you can’t be working this case.”

Minato smiled, “of course. Conflict of interest, I understand. I take it someone has catch you up?”

“Yes, although I can’t believe you let Sasuke leave with such an incompetent...interview.”

He kept the smile on his face, “Sasuke didn’t do anything wrong, unless we are to believe that he...planned his own kidnapping--” 

“Evidently not. But no one seemed to think it a good idea to question Kakashi Hatake.”

“About what?”

“About Hatake kidnapping him.”

Minato’s smile bit back a sigh. “Mr. Hatake didn’t kidnap him, Mr. Uchiha gave him Sasuke to take care of him.”

Danzo stood up, looking down at him, before leaving his office. Minato, should, in good conscience, call Kakashi to let him know that a raging storm was after him, but by now, phones would have been tapped, and a warning, no matter how deserved, would look terrible for everyone involved. Just as bad as he continued to look into everything, at least while he was officially an officer of the law. Late at night, playing monopoly with his family and his son’s boyfriend’s family--that was an entirely different story. With a sigh, he slipped the list from Shikaku onto his messanger bag and started to look at the files about a drug bust three days ago. 

Two hours later, someone knocked on his door. Politely enough, they waited for his assurance they could come in, but the young face did not resemble anyone he’d seen before. Although, he could not help himself but to wish that it wasn’t another rookie. He loved his job now, appreciated the 9-5 general normalcy afforded to him, but he knew that, at one point, ten years ago, Danzo had destroyed his career prospects. He hoped it wouldn’t happen to the fresh-faced woman asking him to step into the observational room. 

Minato kept the small, unassuming smile on his face when he caught sight of Sasuke sitting on the interrogation room with Danzo sitting opposite to him. It was a little harder to keep a straight face when he finally caught word of what Sasuke was demanding.

“I don’t know you,” Sasuke was saying, his tone still polite as ever, although Minato could see his shoulders tense. “Sir. I’d really rather talk to Mr. Uzumaki.”

“He’s unavalable at the moment, Sasuke.” Funny, Danzo had never given him the impression that he knew Kushina’s surname--even more funny, was his inability to play the good cop. “But I’d really appreciate it if you could answer some questions.”

“I’d really appreciated it if I could talk to Mr. Uzumaki instead, sir,” Sasuke replied.

“You can’t, kid. Can you collaborate, please?”

Minato had always loved Sasuke, of course--even before knowing who he really was, it had been impossible not to like him after he’d called him Mr.  _ Uzumaki _ , after cooking dinner for them...vacumming. But he couldn’t help but love him a little more for being the reason he got to watch Danzo say please to a sixteen-year-old. 

“I’d be happy to collaborate, sir, but I really preferred talking to Mr. Uzumaki.”

“You can’t talk to your boyfriend’s dad, Sasuke. That would raise ethical questions, and he could loose his job. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”

The smile was a little hard to maintain now, but he managed. He simply could not burst in and start an argument with a federal agent about trying to emotionally blackmail a sixteen-year-old child. Or--he could--

“No, sir,” Sasuke shook his head. “But I’d still rather talk to Mr. Uzumaki, sir.”

“You can’t.”

Sasuke leaned back on the chair, somehow, still managing to look polite, even though Minato was sure, he only really wanted to yell. “Then, sir, please, can you bring my dad here? I’d feel better with my dad present.”

“Your dad is in a hospital, in a coma, son.”

Minato didn’t miss the way that Sasuke’s eyes trailed down, but he hoped to everything that Danzo did. “Yes, sir. I meant Kakashi Hatake, sir.”

“We cannot have an alleged kidnapper in the room with you, Sasuke. It could affect your testimony. This is a safe space.”

“Sir,” Sasuke said. “You haven’t even read me my Miranda Rights. I can’t imagine that any of this testemony, so to speak, would be used in a court of law; not to mention that you just denied parental supervision, so this is hardly voluntary anymore.”

Minato glanced at the woman. “He didn’t read them to him?”

“He was hoping it wouldn’t turn into that.”

He nodded. Or, he was hoping to keep this under wraps. For some reason--like keeping Sasuke’s identity a secret. Although, he was making a show to point out who his real father was; hardly a way to get a kid to cooperate. He turned his attention back to them, just in time to see Danzo standing up, his movements sharp with coiled...anger. 

“It should be voluntary, you’re free to go, Sasuke, as you’ve always been.”

Sasuke stood up, “thank you, sir. Have a good rest of your day, sir.”

Minato walked towards the stairs, “I’m going to step aside, so Agent Shimura is not emberassed. Let’s keep it that way, yeah?”

The woman nodded her head quickly, and Minato made a beeling for his office. At least they only recorded what went inside the interrogation rooms, not what happened outside of them. He stayed in his office until the end of his shift, where he waved bye to everyone on his floor, and got in his car. He spotted Naruto, Urushi, and...Jugo in the neighborhood park. It looked like they were playing fetch, or throwing the ball at each other so that Urushi wouldn’t get it; it wasn’t very nice, but Urushi’s tails never stopped swinging from one side to the other, so the dog probably didn’t think he was being bullied. 

He hurried back home, blinking when he spotted Sasuke sitting on his doorsteps. “Sasuke?”

Sasuke glanced up, his cheeks flushed. “They...took Kakashi. Cuffed him and all.”

Minato helped him up, opening the door and guiding him to the living room. He should have been suspicious that he hadn’t seen Danzo for the rest of the time. “It’s going to be okay, Sasuke. He has amazing alibis,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Danzo just likes to pretend he is doing things to put up a show for everyone else.”

Sasuke glanced at him, “Danzo?”

“The man with whom you were talking, back at the station.”

“He reminded me of someone, but I can’t place him...I wasn’t trying to give him attitude! I just didn’t want to talk with him.”

Minato didn’t think Sasuke could handle the fact that Danzo had been in charge of everything ten years ago. He looked like he was seconds away from a mental breakdown. “They’ll have to let Kakashi go, eventually, Sasuke. In the meantime, you’re going to stay with us, okay? Jugo and Urushi can stay here, too.”

Sasuke shifted, his eyes fixed on his lap. “Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki, but--” 

Minato took a breath. What was that about boudaries vs. self-regulation? He pulled Sasuke a little closer, “I’m not really asking, Sasuke,” he said, softly. 

It took a long time for Sasuke to respond, although he didn’t try to move away. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki,” he said. That was the end of the conversation.

Sasuke seemed to brighten up when Naruto and his friend, Jugo, and Urushi came in, although Minato was not sure how much of that was an act, and how much it was genuine relief. He hoped it was more real than fake, although when he looked closely, Sasuke seemed just as upset when he thought no one was looking directly at him. 

The twenty-hours after Kakashi’s arrest, Minato realized, were some of the most stressful in his career. When he told Sasuke they would let him go eventually, he’d only been about fifty percent sure--if Danzo wanted to, he could press charges for kidnapping and, by extension...association with Orochimaru and every crime associated with that name. He expected him to do that, not just Danzo, but other officers; if Shikaku was skeptical, he could only imagine that everyone else was too. 

But they let him go. He actually found Kakashi outside the station when he was leaving work on Thursday. He looked exhausted, but then again, he begun looking exhausted for a few months now. “I’ll give you a ride,” he said. “Everyone stayed over with us yesterday, anyway.”

Kakashi nodded, following him to the car, “thanks.”

Minato started driving, “I’m a little surprised...that--” 

“I guess Danzo had to let me go once he realized who I was, I guess even people like him might feel just a bit remorseful about saying that someone’s disappearence was nothing to worry about. Very kind of him to let me go, I imagined.”

Minato had never heard so much bitterness from a single person. “He remembered you?”

Kakashi hummed. “After awhile...although, I didn’t expect him to believe the whole story about Fugaku giving me Sasuke and then filing a missing report as quickly as he did. I guess I should be grateful to those cameras, for at least showing that Fugaku was aware of me.”

“Lucky you?”

Kakashi hummed again. ”I might just sent him flowers.”

It sounded like a joke. Minato chuckled softly under his breath, “we can stop by the store if you’d like.”

He shook his head, “I have work to catch up on.”

“Well, you can come over. Everyone has work to catch up on.”

“And being in a cop’s house would sure provide a great alibi if something else happened,” Kakashi said, finishing the thought. 

At least Minato didn’t have to say it. They might have let him go, but that hardly meant that they wouldn’t keep checking up on him. It was alright, though. Their house was big enough, and Kushina had been wanting to have Mr. Hatake over for dinner for months now, he chuckled softly at himself with that thought.

Sasuke went white when he saw Kakashi. Naruto’s questions about why they’d had a substitude that day apparently the only thing that brought Sasuke back to reality and, possibly, convinced him that he wasn’t actually seeing a ghost. But to his surprise, he was the one who pulled Naruto away--Minato caught the word “study” from the muttered mess; and Naruto did, not only listening to Sasuke, but also to Jugo, who was helping them study. 

Minato left everyone in the living room, to help Kushina with dinner. A thousand meaningful glances were thrown his way, but discretion was still one of their highest strong points, so conversation was kept light. Kushina had, apparently, gotten rid of twenty commas, but she refused to compromise on five of them because the Oxford comma was necessary. She was so cute. 

He was listening to her dissertation about the English language when the bell rang. “I’ll get it,” he said, stepping out of the kitchen just in time to shoo Naruto back to the living room, smiling at the grumbled complaints about nerds. He pulled the curtain back, a frown replacing the smile when he spotted Shikaku and Yamato on his doorstep. He stepped outside, closing the door behind him. “Are you here to arrest someone else?”

“Danzo was just found dead in his hotel room, apparent suicide, gun wound.”

Minato stared from Shikaku to Yamato, but they weren’t the type of men to play a prank like this. “Who--” 

“Forensics is sweeping the scene.”

“Of course,” Minato said, “but, on record, Kakashi Hatake was with me since he left the station earlier today.”

“Are you worried it was foul play?”

Minato stared at Shikaku. “No, but maybe you guys are.”

“We are,” Yamato said, speaking for the first time. “We won’t be the only ones, Danzo was...respected and high-up the chain of command.” 

Minato nodded. “I’ll be out in a minute,” he said. It was less than a minute, he only stuck his head inside to wince at Kushina, who got the message, confirmed by a nod and a slight frown of her own. He followed them to the hotel, room 103--Danzo apparently not shaking away the need to remain in the first floor of any building, in case there was an emergency. As Shikaku said, forensics was already there. 

“Forced entry?”

“No,” Yamato replied. “Everything was locked.”

“Who called?”

“Room service. Maid was cleaning the room over, said she heard a gun go off, called us, although a minute later, someone else called with the same complaint; mom of four, family vacation.”

He nodded, before taking a look at the room. It was meticulous, although one could say that it was because of Danzo’s need for order than for someone trying to overcompensate on a crime scene. “And we have the gun?”

“His own.”

No matter how much he disliked the man, and how much he wished this was actual suicide, he couldn’t, in a good conscience, go with that. He couldn’t even lie to himself that he wasn’t happy that Kakashi  _ had _ been with him the entire day because that, at least, crossed him out of the top of the suspect list. With that thought, they headed to the hotel’s security room, collecting tapes on the main lobby’s cameras and the hallway leading to room 103. They worked the entire night, not having found anything useful, except for the time of death as two hours after he’d last been seen leaving the station. By all means, it  _ looked _ like a suicide and at six in the morning, Minato was considering writing it off as one. The only thing stopping him was the rumors that would induced. 

He was setting down his third cup of coffee when his office phone rang. “Hello?”

“Dad?! Why won’t you answer your phone?” Naruto hurried. “Sasuke’s gone--” 

He almost spilled the coffee on his laptop. “What?”

“We went to bed, and he went to bed, and now he’s gone, we went to look for him in his house, but he’s not there either. Mom and Kakashi are looking around the neighborhood, and Jugo said that Urushi might be able to smell something, but he’s not here, dad. He left a pillow instead of himself, so that I wouldn’t realize I wasn’t--” 

“Okay, take a deep breath--” 

“I’m trying, but--” 

“Try again,” Minato said, doing the same, too. At least Naruto didn’t know the whole story, or this conversation would be going south faster. “I’ll have some officers look around, too, okay? We’ll find him.”

“Dad, why would he--” 

“We’ll ask him once we find him. Okay?”

“But--” 

“Naruto,” he said. “It’s going to be okay.”

After a second, he heard a sigh, “okay. Send Yamato, I like him best.”

“I’ll see who’s free. I’ll talk to later.”

“Bye, dad,” Naruto said, not sounding more calmed, but at least, he sounded like he had been breathing.

Minato hung up, taking a breath. What was the likelihood that a kidnapper would have broke into their house and taken Sasuke out without waking anyone up? He didn’t think that Urushi was trained to attack assailants, but he doubted their dog would have done nothing if he’d smelled distress from Sasuke. He didn’t doubt that Kushina had checked all the entrance a hundred times before heading to bed. That all pointed to Sasuke leaving on his own, which--

The door swung open. It was Yamato, looking less collected than he normally did, “Fugaku Uchiha died.”

Oh. 


	18. Chapter 18

His father was dead. He was dead. He was dead. And it wasn’t even his fault. Foul play. It didn’t matter now, of course. Because he was dead. It was stupid, for him to be feeling this way because his father and he never had a worthwhile relationship; before anything happened, it had always been about Itachi, which made sense because Itachi was an amazing kid, on his way to graduate high school at thirteen, with colleges lining up to get him. And after everything happened...Sasuke lived with Kakashi, and he’d only ever seen his father in the news. 

So. Anything he might be feeling was...stupid. But no matter how much he told himself that over the past six days, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’d never see him again--he never expected to see him in person again, of course, but it had always being a  _ possibility _ , until--until now. He pulled the kneeler down, getting on his knees. It had been years since he entered a church, but it was open early in the morning, until late at night, and if he pretended to be praying, no one looked at him too much. It was two towns over from. From where he used to live. Before. He bit back a chuckle--his life had too many Befores and too few Afters. Though, in his defense, he hadn’t killed himself, which was really the best and only option available at this point. But he hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it. He couldn’t. Kakashi didn’t deserved that, even if he never knew what happened, he didn’t deserved that. 

The church was mostly empty at this hour, and the high-ceilings made him feel tiny, but...but it was okay to feel tiny. He was tiny. He was a particle of dust floating around the universe without doing anything worthwhile, and it was okay to remind himself of that kneeling in a church, in front of an unknown religion. It was shelter. That’s the only thing that really mattered. He closed his eyes, but his father’s image appeared, joined by his mother and his brother and that goddam white ceiling where nothing happened, and he could only relent and open his eyes again. It was okay. One day, he’d be able to sleep. Forever, preferably. 

Could he pray for...he didn’t know what he had left for which to pray. He should pray for everything. For nothing. It wouln’t make a difference, of course, Sasuke didn’t know much about religion, but if he was a god, he wouldn’t exactly go around granting a non-practicioner’s wishes. That would be bad for business. And if he was being honest, there...technically, he had an actual dad from whom he should seek forgiveness. He’d gotten him  _ arrested _ , a criminal record, only because he...

He couldn’t defend himself. Even after Kakashi had spent countless hours teaching him how to fight, he still had not, and now, there was a criminal record on Kakashi forever, like his life hadn’t already been terrible enough. Once he found Itachi, maybe he could ask for forgiveness then. But finding Itachi, it could take years...and...and Kakashi could die, too. 

“Sasuke!”

Someone tackled--hugged him. It took only a second to recognize the red hair. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Naruto’s mom was suffocating him too, even if he tried to run away, he doubted he could even get her to let go. “Mrs. Uzumaki,” he said, because he didn’t have anything else to say. 

Mrs. Uzumaki pulled back, although she remained holding his shoulders. “Don’t _ Mrs. Uzumaki  _ me! We’ve been worried sick about you,” she pulled him into a tight hug again. Sasuke felt a kiss on his hair, another one on his cheek, another one on his forehead. 

“It wasn’t necessary, I’m--” 

Mrs. Uzumaki pulled back again, standing up. Sasuke never realized how strong she was because without much effort, she pulled him to his feet too. “Don’t you dare,” she turned around, dragging him by the arm to the exit. 

“Mrs. Uzumaki, really, I’m fine, let me--” 

“I cannot believe...I guess it’s a good thing I decided to go to every religious house, the absolute...” Mrs. Uzumaki was muttering, although it was loud enough for him to hear--probably loud enough for the whole world to hear. 

She was pulling him towards her car, and...and Sasuke would rather really yank his arm away and run in the other direction. If she took him back there, he would never have the opportunity to leave again, no matter how much he explained that it was for the best. He’d gotten Kakashi  _ arrested _ and his father was dead, murdered probably, he needed to find Itachi before some employee took him away and forced him to--to do things that, honestly, Sasuke was simply unprepared for, he couldn’t run a company, but he couldn’t yank his arm back, it was Mrs. Uzumaki and that was rude, and there were a lot of things that he was, like a stupid, inconsiderate brat, but he hadn’t been raised in a barn, not by his father and not by his--by Kakashi. 

“Audacity, unbelievable. Incredible. What,” she halted. Sasuke almost crashed against her. “What--what were you thinking?” It sounded more like an exclamation than a question, but the way she was looking at him made him think that it was a question--even more baffling, it looked like she actually wanted an answer.

Which. Which--Sasuke had a lot of reasons for leaving. Mostly, he couldn’t run a company that his dead, or murdered, father wanted his older, missing--or dead--brother to run, and he couldn’t...he couldn’t see Kakashi again. Not. Not after he’d gotten him arrested. He couldn’t do it. When he came back from prison, Sasuke had almost fainted, the room had spun, and the floor seemed to disappear from underneath him. He couldn’t do it. 

“I just--just don’t want to go to school anymore!”

Mrs. Uzumaki began her death march to the car again. “You’ve tried so hard in school, I can understand why you are burned out, but that does not give you a reason to run away!”

Maybe it would have been better if it was the church’s busy hours; at least that way, people could maybe stop Mrs. Uzumaki from taking him. Of course. Of course, to a stranger, it must really look like a mom was dragging his son back home. Which. Which Sasuke was not ready to consider the implications of that, at all. 

“I skipped detention, Mrs. Uzumaki, I can’t go back.”

Mrs. Uzumaki opened the shotgun door, revealing a spotless interior that Sasuke was going to end up dirtying. It’s not like sleeping on the street was very clean. “Get in right--” 

“It’s going to get dirty...”

“Sasuke Hatake, get in the car right now. Don’t make me call your dad.”

She sounded like such a mom, it made his chest hurt. Without another word, Sasuke climbed in. He didn’t need to see that vein in her forehead explode. And. And she really didn’t need to call Kakashi. She closed the door for him, nice of her, and stood there, her back leaning against the car. Right then, he could climb over to the driver’s side and run out. He could. He should. Although Mr. Uzumaki had caught up to him that day...he was a policeman; Mrs. Uzumaki probably didn’t have a lot of stamina, or speed, so--

She climbed on, and started the car. Sasuke stared at his lap, that was dirty, and fucking up Mrs. Uzumaki’s car seat. At least he could make sure that his back was not touching the rest of the seat. He wasn’t too much of an asshole. Probably. 

“Do you want anything?” 

Sasuke looked up. They were at a drive-through; the burgers that Kakashi said were better than east coast’s and...and Jugo. He’d flown all the way...and...

“Sasuke?”

He shook his head. “No, thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki. I’m not hungry.”

“Let me rephrase that,” Mrs. Uzumaki said. “What do you want?”

“I’m...I’m really not hungry, Mrs. Uzumaki, but thank you.” And just because he was an idiot, his stomach growled. Loudly. But his eyes were on his lap, and even though he could feel the heat rising to his face, at least he couldn’t see Mrs. Uzumaki observing him. 

“Pick, Sasuke, or I’ll pick for you.”

“I...just anything’s fine,” he said. “Thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki.” A few minutes later, there were chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger on his lap. It...smelled good. His stomach growled again. And the earth refused to swallow him whole. “Thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“You’re welcome, Sasuke, but you actually do have to eat it,” she said, as the car picked up speed; freeway, probably. 

His throat felt so tight, so squeezed, that even if his stomach was begging for the food, he didn’t think he could manage to swallow it. But--but he couldn’t exactly make Mrs. Uzumaki’s money go to waste. Slowly, he picked up one chicken nugget, bringing it up to his mouth. He took a bite, forcing it down his throat. The nausea hit him then. Expected, he supposed. It made sense. An empty stomach could cause nausea, and he’d been...rationing his food rather aggresively. He hadn’t been able to take anything other than a peanut butter jar because--well, he didn’t need to kick Kakashi when he was already down by stealing his food. 

By the time the car stopped again, the chicken nuggets were gone. The burger--he should really save for later. He glanced up, recognizing the neighborhood park too quickly. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. Kakashi--he couldn’t. 

“Mrs. Uzumaki, I really--” 

“You can choose to tell me who you want me to call first, Sasuke, but you’re going home eventually,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, still with that mom’s voice that made him want to punch himself in the face.

Not Kakashi. Not Naruto. He couldn’t...he couldn’t see them. That really only left Mr. Uzumaki or Jugo. The logical choice was Mr. Uzumaki because he was a policeman and...if anyone could...help him, it would be him, he supposed--of course, he probably didn’t want to help him, which was completely understandable, and...and if he didn’t want to help him, then that could start an argument with Mrs. Uzumaki and Sasuke couldn’t do that. Not even when his father and mother were alive, he’d never been privy to parental fights, and he didn’t...he couldn’t be a reason for one of them. Stranger’s parents, on top of all. 

But Jugo was probably with Urushi, and Sasuke still had nightmares, during the day and the night, and. And Jugo was probably with Naruto, anyway. Where else would he be? After dropping everything to come, and...

“Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke settled on, because picturing Jugo’s face was already making him dizzy. 

He blocked out the phone call. He didn’t need to hear what Mrs. Uzumaki was telling her husband, he already knew what she was telling him. And he was already telling himself all those things, so hearing them again, while a good reminder, wouldn’t...do anything other than push him closer to the edge a little more. 

“Mrs. Uzumaki?” Sasuke glanced up. She was looking outside the window, but her phone was nowhere in sight. “How did you find me?”

She turned to look at him. Sasuke hadn’t spend enough time to figure out what she was thinking, except she looked sad. “I’m not telling you, Sasuke. If I do, and you run away again, then you’ll know my secret.”

That...made sense. “Yes, Mrs. U--” 

“But I’m glad I found you, and that you’re safe and alive.” 

She sounded so earnest. He should just stab himself and get it over with. “Yes, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“Sasuke? What are you agreeing with?”

That line of questioning seemed so much like the first time Mr. Uzumaki talked to him,  _ really _ talked to him, that he should know better not to reply, but he couldn’t make her think that she was being ignored. “That you’re glad you found me, safe and alive.”

“Are you glad I found you safe and alive?”

Maybe the Uzumakis just...liked to torture him with impossible questions. That had to be it. “Yes, Mrs. Uzumaki.” After a moment, he added, “I was really hungry.” He had been, so it wasn’t a lie. He’d been starving, and...it didn’t matter--at least he was pretty enough to get fucked for food? Money? He would have figured it out. He would have. Eventually. Or he would have died, which...an improvement, honestly.

Mrs. Uzumaki pulled him closer, it was awkward, with the emergency brake in the way, but Sasuke didn’t move away. “I know maybe right now, you don’t mean that, and that’s okay, but when things improve, I’ll be here to hear that again, okay?”

Sasuke nodded, unable to do anything else. It didn’t matter, Mr. Uzumaki’s sedan parked in front of them, and...and he couldn’t breathe. He could. Slowly. It hurt, a little. It wasn’t like he was scared of Mr. Uzumaki--he’d been nothing but nice and caring, just like...Mrs. Uzumaki, but he didn’t--

His door was opened, and Mrs. Uzumaki’s hold lessened, only to be replaced by Mr. Uzumaki, pulling him closer to him, a strong hand holding his neck, very nicely not crushing it, just holding it. Very unhelpfully not crushing it. 

“Sasuke--” 

“I’m sorry for making everyone worry, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, because he knew a lecture or two--or...or more than lectures--were bound to happen, but he was sorry for making them worry. He was. They shouldn’t have to worry about someone like him, but they still did because they were good people. It wasn’t fair to them, and they deserved an apology, and it was the least he could do. 

“I thought you were dead,” Mr. Uzumaki said, low enough that Sasuke was sure, not even his wife could hear the words. “I know it’s not fair to say this to you, but please don’t run away again.”

Sasuke couldn’t. Agree with that. He couldn’t promise that because he would run away, as soon as he could, as far away as he could. He couldn’t--He couldn’t  _ not _ run away. He couldn’t handle a company, he wasn’t smart enough, but more importantly, he couldn’t watch everyone around him die. He couldn’t. “I won’t,” he said. Lied. “Sorry for worrying everyone,” he repeated because it seemed like a thing that he should say again. 

He expected Mr. Uzumaki to say something, but he remained quiet. He felt a hand on his back, but that had to be Mrs. Uzumaki because Mr. Uzumaki was too busy holding his neck and the back of his head. 

“Mr. Uzumaki, you’re going to get dirty,” he mumbled because he  _ would _ ; he’d been sleeping on the street. It wasn’t hygenic. “And--” 

“You want to ride with me or Kushina?”

That was a pretty name. Sasuke glanced back, the gentle smile on Mrs. Uzumaki doing something uncomfortable to his chest. “I can walk back myself, I’m already--” 

“Do you think we’re idiots--” 

“Kushina--” 

“Really?” Mrs. Uzumaki’s vein popped up again. “He’ll ride with me, Minato.”

Mr. Uzumaki looked like he was considering saying something, but he only nodded, and turned back to look at him. “Naruto is in school, okay? And Kakashi is too. You can borrow some of Naruto’s clothes, they should fit. I’ll see you guys soon.”

Sasuke couldn’t open his mouth, so he nodded. The door closed, and the car started, and Mrs. Uzumaki was driving. Back to their place. “Mrs. Uzumaki--” 

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re going to take a shower and you’re going to drink water, eat something else, and then you’re going to rest.”

“I--” 

“Do we understand each other?”

Sasuke really couldn’t do anything other than nod. Not only because Mrs. Uzumaki was a little scary, but she was scary in that mom way and...and it was too much. “Yes, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“Good,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, soon parking in front of their house. 

The sedan was already there, although Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t inside--maybe he went into their house already. Sasuke waited until he was alone in the car, before he took a small breath, and opened the door, his eyes fixed on the ground. Naruto’s mom closed the door for him, which was nice, really, and then, although he wasn’t looking, he could feel her eyes on him, walking behind him. She marched him up the stairs, all the way to Naruto’s room...which was fine. It wasn’t the first time today that his chest tightened. She handed him towels, and some of Naruto’s pants, a shirt, and a sweater with a tiny fox. It was Naruto’s favorite one. 

“Take a warm shower, Sasuke,” she said, nodding in the direction of the bathroom, “and keep the door unlocked.” She took a seat on the edge of Naruto’s bed, crossing her legs and staring at him.

“Thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, before stepping inside the bathroom, his eyes adjusting to the...orange lighting. 

That was new. He checked a couple of a thousand times that the lock wasn’t in place, and then stripped, getting in the shower. He shouldn’t use their hot water, but he wouldn’t put it pass Mrs. Uzumaki to figure it out, somehow, and then...he’d already caused too much trouble. Naruto’s shampoo smelled of oranges, and really, he was too obsessed with anything orange, it was a little ridiculous, and it made him feel a little bad, that now he would smell like him, but it was fine. 

Once he was dried and dressed, the sweater too big on him, too big on anyone really, and way too bright, he grabbed his phone, turning it on for the first time in days. The battery was full, and a thousand texts came through, but he erased them all before his mind could register who the senders were. It didn’t matter. He’d soon have a chance to face all of them, and...and his mind couldn’t figure out who would scream the most. 

Kakashi was going to kill him. Naruto would probably stop him, but only so he could kill him first. Jugo wouldn’t kill him, but he might not let him hide behind him...which was good, because he shouldn’t hide behind Jugo, and he deserved to hit him a little too, but he wouldn’t because he was too nice and Sasuke was too much of a coward. It was okay.

He called him, holding his breath as he waited for him to pick up.

“Sasuke? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. Where are you?”

“Walking Urushi. Where are you?”

Sasuke looked around, the mirror mercifully still foggy, still hiding his reflection from himself. That was nice. He didn’t ever want to look at himself. “Thanks,” he said, because he still couldn’t think about Urushi--he wouldn’t even know why he was being murdered, and that...just seemed worse. 

“Sasuke...you know, I’m totally for you doing whatever you want, but where are you?”

Oh. He hadn’t answered, had he? He put the toilet seat down, sitting on it. “Naruto’s bathroom.”

“Oh.” Sasuke could picture him frowning as he considered the words. “Does he know that?”

“No. His...parents found me--” 

“Like I said, I’m totally for you doing whatever you want, and you know, I’ll help you, but I  _ would _ have appreciated a heads-up. We’ve been looking for you like crazy, Kakashi hasn’t slept in days. I know this because I also have not slept in days.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s whatever, Sasuke,” Jugo said, his voice tiptoeing to a sharper tone. “But I would have appreciated a heads-up.”

“I know.” He did. He’d wanted to. Sort of. Mostly, he did. Mostly because he knew that Jugo wouldn’t have tried to stop him, would have helped him pack better, but there hadn’t been time, and trying to wake up Jugo would have woken Urushi, and that...Naruto would have woken up, and he knew that Naruto wouldn’t have beaten him up, per se, but he wouldn’t have put it past him to tie him to the bed, or something. “I’m sorry. I--next time, I will, I promise.”

“Good,” Jugo said. “I called Suigetsu--” 

“What?”

“He took the GED and is driving over. He should be here soon.”

“ _ What _ ?”

“Listen--wait, hold on,” Jugo said. Sasuke heard Urushi’s bark, deep and loud--a squirrel in front of him, probably, but Jugo shushed him...and it actually worked. “Listen, if you want to run away and do whatever it is that you have to do, then you’re going to need a car. Suigetsu said he was totally down for a road trip, although...he did say he reserved the right to hit you a little for not inviting him sooner. I told him that was fair, but that if you chose, you could hide behind me.”

“He can’t. No. What? No.” Sasuke couldn’t have Suigetsu dying too. He couldn’t.

“Well, he’s on his way. He should be here soon, actually--how long does it take to drive across country?”

“Two days.”

“Yeah, but he gets distracted. He sent me a picture of the Great Canyon,” Jugo said. “Anyway, I’m heading back to your house if you want to talk more.”

“I...” he glanced at the door; he wouldn’t put it past Mrs. Uzumaki to still be waiting for him on the bed. “Maybe later. I promise, I’ll talk to you before I leave again.” Or try to leave again. Could Mrs. Uzumaki tie him up? Would she? He kind of had the impression that she would, and it was understandable, but he didn’t know how to untie himself...he should figured it out, though. That would be a useful skill. “Oh, Jugo? Thanks for taking care of Urushi.”

“You’re welcome, Sasuke. Do you want me to be there when you see Kakashi, or...Naruto?”

He...he shook his head. “No. It’s fine, I’m not a baby.”

“Okay. But if you change your mind, I’m here, okay?”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.” Sasuke hung up, looking down at his screen. He should call Suigetsu and tell him to turn back around, but...but a car would make for a quick gateaway, specially now that everyone knew that he was planning on leaving. 

He turned his phone off, picked up his clothes, and opened the door. But Mrs. Uzumaki was done. And the balcony was right there--

The door opened. “Don’t even think about it.”

Sasuke felt his cheeks flush. Shame, probably. “I--I wasn’t, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“Right,” Mrs. Uzumaki took the dirty clothes from his hand, dumping it into the laundry basket before Sasuke could open his mouth to tell her that he could do that, and he could just wait until...they didn’t have to put his dirty clothes with their clothes. “I was a teenage girl once, you know,” she said, nudging him to the bed. 

“I...I know, Mrs. Uzumaki,” he said, baffled at...what...those words really implied. He didn’t want to know. “I wasn’t doing anything, really.” He said, once he was sitting on the bed.

“Minato said to give you space, but he’s a softie,” she said, a faint smile on her face. “And I don’t think space is what you really need, you had space for almost a week, didn’t you?” She shook her head, and Sasuke was sure that was a rethorical question. “ _ And _ you look like you lost ten pounds. Which...you probably did, but not in a healthy way, I cannot believe that...you thought it was a good idea to run away like that!”

“Sorry, Mrs. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, although he was sure that he’d said all of that already. “It won’t happen again.” 

She pulled his chin up, with such care that Sasuke might not even run away anymore, he’d just jump out of the window. “Do you want to practice your words before you talk to Kakashi?”

Sasuke shook his head, “I can’t talk to him.”

“You’ll talk to him, Sasuke,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, her finger still under his chin--making it impossible to look down. “But you can work through your thoughts with either Minato or myself before you do. So why don’t you tell me what things led to running away?”

It felt like they stayed like that for years, but it couldn’t have been more than a minute. He’d never been able to say no to Mr. Uzumaki, but...Mrs. Uzumaki was in a completely different league, a league of her own, because somehow, he was convinced that she wouldn’t drop the subject ever, but somehow, he was also convinced that she wouldn’t scream at him. He always assumed that it was the eyes, but...Mrs. Uzumaki didn’t have those ridiculous blue eyes like her husband or son, and... 

“I...I can’t let anyone get hurt because of me, Mrs. Uzumaki, and...and I can’t be here.” The fingers under his chin disappeared, but he didn’t look down. “I can’t. I won’t.” They weren’t going to die because of him, they wouldn’t, he wouldn’t...he wouldn’t let that happen, and--and that meant he had to leave. He did. He knew this. He was just wasting time. 

“That’s understandable,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, although she didn’t sound like she was patronizing him. “It makes me sad that you’re in the position where you were forced to decide that.”

She didn’t  _ sound _ patronizing, but...she must be. He didn’t understand. It didn’t matter. “So, can I go?”

“No. I said that it was understandable, and that I was sad you were forced to make a choice between a rock and a hard place, but no, you can’t leave, Sasuke. What are you going to do?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled. He was going to find his brother, but telling her that would...wouldn’t go well for him, he knew that. “Just not be here.”

“Maybe we can find another solution.”

“There’s nothing else,” he said. There was another solution, he could kill himself, but somehow, he was sure that no one would appreciate it if he said that. Kakashi had been nagging him about going to the therapist before...before, and if he said he could kill himself, he wouldn’t even have a choice, they would force him into a psychiatric hospital, and...he was sure he wouldn’t be able to escape from there. “Please, Mrs. Uzumaki, I can’t be the reason more people die.” 

“You’re not the reason anyone has died, Sasuke.”

His chest tightened. That was honestly...arguably wrong. He couldn’t form too many arguments at the moment, but he knew that...that if he hadn’t been, he would be. Soon. “My father said I had to take over the company, and when I do that, people are going to hurt the people I care about so that they can make me do things. And I’m not strong enough not to listen to them, so I’ll end up in jail, and then everyone I care about will still be dead. I can’t let that happen--” 

The door opened. It wasn’t Mr. Uzumaki, Sasuke realized a little too late, because there was no way that Mr. Uzumaki would leap from the door to the bed and punch him in the face. 

“NARUTO!”

His cheek felt heavy, in the way that foreshadowed a bruise, but at least Naruto’d been kind enough not to break his nose. Like he had, only a...week ago? Time had slowly lost its meaning over the past couple of...years. 

“You’re such an asshole! Why would you...I...” 

Mrs. Uzumaki was trying to pull him away, but to no avail. Sasuke scooted a little away, but that really only made the threats a little louder. 

“Come on, kiddo.” Mr. Uzumaki. When had he gotten there? They really were a weird family. “You need to calm down--” 

“DON’T TELLME TO CALM DOWN, I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS, SASUKE, JUST WAIT, I CAN’T BELIEVE--WHY WOULD YOU--YOU ASSHOLE--” 

The door closed, but Sasuke could still hear Naruto screaming. It was okay. He deserved that. He blinked when there was a cool towel pressed against his cheek. “It’s okay, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

She sighed--and Sasuke wanted to die. “It’s going to bruise.”

“It’s okay,” he said because he was an idiot and he couldn’t remember that those words appeared to upset Mrs. Uzumaki. “Do...would it be okay if Naruto and I talked?”

Mrs. Uzumaki narrowed her eyes. “Right now?”

Sasuke nodded. “If I’m not supposed to leave, I’m bound to talk to him eventually, right? Why wait?” All very reasonable. He almost believed himself. 

Mrs. Uzumaki stared at him, but she nodded and got up. But she stayed at the door, further proving that he really was an idiot, of course she wouldn’t leave him alone. He heard her tell him something that sounded awful a lot like  _ be nice _ , and then he heard the door closing. He felt a slap on his shoulder.

“I told your mom told you to be nice,” Sasuke said, although he shouldn’t have.

“I am being nice,” Naruto said, slapping his shoulder again. “I’m not drawing blood, am I? And I’m not screaming, even though I really should because you’re an asshole. I can’t believe--why would you leave a  _ pillow _ in place of you?”

“So you wouldn’t wake up, obviously.”

“I threw it away.”

“You’re so dramatic--” 

“Me?” Naruto huffed. “You’re the one who let a dead murderer get into your head. Don’t look at me like that, Kakashi told me everything. I thought you were dead. Again. I tend to think that when you’re being an idiot and refuse to talk to me--” 

“It’s for your own good--” 

“I haven’t slept. I haven’t eaten. I’ve--” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “that’s not my fault.”

“It kind of is, you--you could have told me!”

“Why would I tell you?”

“So that I didn’t think you were  _ dead _ .” Naruto laid down, and the pull on his shoulder was all too familiar. 

Sasuke turned on his side, Naruto’s arm on his waist pulling him closer. He was weak, shouldn’t be allowing this, but he...he was tired, and--and he’d died before admitting it out loud, but he had missed Naruto. Of course, he couldn’t have missed him more than he would miss him when someone sent him one of his arms. He jerked away, getting to his feet.

“Sasuke--” 

“ _ Don’t _ . You need to stay away, in fact,” he said, scrambling to get his clothes from the laundry basket. He’ll return the clothes he was wearing later. “In fact, your whole family needs to stay away.”

“Sasuke--” 

“ _ Don’t _ . Stop. We’re done.”

“You don’t mean that--” 

He didn’t. But sometimes, he needed to be a big boy and make the correct decisions, like right now. “Yeah, I do. You guys are too nosy, and I don’t appreciate that. I don’t even like you, I only started going out with you so that you wouldn’t call the cops on me and Kakashi, which is hilarious, now that I think about it because your dad is a cop. Figures,” he shook his head. His chest hurt. It was okay. “Leave me alone, I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

“I get it, you--” 

“Fuck off, Naruto. And tell your parents to leave me alone, I already have one annoying adult in my life, I don’t need anymore--” 

“You can’t say things like that about them! You--” 

Sasuke clicked his tongue. He needed to get out of there, quickly. Now. Now. “Whatever.” He opened the door, just in time to see Naruto’s parents coming out of their bedroom. He ran down the stairs, out the door. 

Jugo opened the door, and Sasuke locked it behind him, slipping to the floor. It was for the best. It was. Doing the right thing was usually hard, wasn’t it? It was. It was. It was. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also so like this one

“Kakashi is pulling up the driveway, Sasuke.”

Sasuke stood up, half his body leaning on the wall for support--support from what, he couldn’t tell. “Do you mind taking Urushi on a walk?”

“I don’t, but are you sure?”

Sasuke nodded, watching Urushi run as soon as Jugo called him, the tail wagging as the leash was taken from the closet. He stepped aside to let them pass, not at all surprised when the door opened again, a few moments later. What was surprising though, was that Kakashi walked passed him. Sasuke knew this because he spotted his feet, walking, not stopping, not stopping. It made sense. But it still hurt. 

He hadn’t known what he expected, had been too scared to really think about a real possibility, besides getting murdered, which had been too good to really be true to being with. But the cold attitude left him empty and tired, and it took all of his energy to compose himself. He couldn’t believe he was thinking it, but. But he would have much prefered a beating. He would have even brought Kakashi his belt. Offered it to him and stripped. 

It’s what he deserved.

He deserved the crushing silent treatment too, but he was a brat and even when he’d messed up so badly, on so many things that his mind could no longer determine what was a mistake and what was not, he still felt entitled to complain about his punishment. He really was pathetic. But Jugo could only be gone for so long, and. And he knew that Jugo, as nice as he was, wouldn’t be very nice to Kakashi if something...if nothing--it wasn’t fair. If there was someone who didn’t deserved for anyone to be nice to him, it was him, not Kakashi.

Kakashi had gone to jail. Prison. Just because. Because he’d gotten kidnapped, and then he’d given attitude to an officer. He’d been so calm, too, even took the energy to tell him that everything was going to be  _ fine _ , even when they both knew that was a lie. He’d been so calm when they cuffed him, and Sasuke had been an idiot because for a brief second he had believed Kakashi, he’d bought into his disposition, like he wasn’t personally aquaintaed with the loss of freedom that shackles brought, like Kakashi was somehow immune to those horrible feelings. 

Jugo would only be gone so long, and Kakashi deserved to  _ react _ and Sasuke deserved anything, nothing, and everything. Not just from Kakashi. But from the Uzumakis. And. And Naruto. It...it had been for the best, and Naruto had punched him, but. But that was nothing compared to everything he had put him through, he knew that. 

Jugo would only be gone so long, and he needed to be brave. Just for a second. Just a second. With that thought, he headed to the kitchen, finding Kakashi slaving over the stove, stirring a steaming pot of...something. Coffee, probably. 

“Kakashi--” 

“Ah, he talks.”

He deserved that, deserved everything. But he was a coward, so he turned around. But. But. He needed to be brave. Kakashi deserved to let his frustration out, and Sasuke deserved submitting to that. Kakashi had turned around too, and the dark circles were just another physical manifestation about how much he regretted taking him in. Sasuke didn’t want to think about how his life would have turned out if he had been kidnapped when he was younger--maybe he’d be dead, or he’d be...he’d be staring at white ceilings for the rest of his life. But if that meant that he wouldn’t have ruined Kakashi’s life? He would have done it in a heartbeat. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Kakashi said because he was braver than anyone else. 

Sasuke nodded, because he was not. “Me too,” he whispered, because that was a thing that should be true, and he knew how social scripts went. He was glad that he was okay. He was. He wasn’t sure what being okay was, but he was. Kakashi had maintained the floors incredibly clean, made sense, he must have had plenty of time to clean everything since he wasn’t sleeping. “I’m sorry.” An apology was warranted, even if the those two words were overused and couldn’t possibly express what he really meant. 

Kakashi sighed. It was long and quiet, but Sasuke could hear it perfectly. “I wish you were.”

If he got on his knees, maybe Kakashi would understand how sorry he really was. “I am sorry,” he said, fully standing because he was a coward and a brat, and couldn’t shake away his dead father’s voice saying that Uchihas didn’t beg, didn’t even apologize. 

“I meant,” Kakashi said, setting the wooden spoon down; shame, it would have gone a long way to shake some brattiness out of him. “That I wished you were glad that you were okay, physically okay...okayish.” 

So clean, he could eat off the floor, and he wouldn’t get sick. He looked up. “I--” 

But Kakashi had turned around again, picking up the spoon and stirring. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” There was a low chuckle, and Kakashi was again turned around, and Sasuke’s eyes were once again fixed on the ground. “I should--” 

“You should,” Sasuke said, not having a clue how that sentence was going to end, but however it was, Kakashi should do it. 

The silence seemed to burn the entire house down, but then Kakashi broke it. “You can’t run away from your problems, Sasuke.”

They weren’t  _ his _ problems. He ran away to prevent people from being chopped and murdered. “Yes, Kakashi. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Look at me.” 

Sasuke would rather die, but. But he looked up, focusing on a point on his forehead, away from the tired eyes. 

“I know you’re lying. I know you’re going to try again. But I didn’t spend ten years of my life taking care of you to watch you throw away your life. I finally get why Fugaku was so paranoid--” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, again. Kakashi grabbed him by the chin, and he couldn’t figure out why it hurt so much. He was a wimp. It shouldn’t have hurt, he was barely holding him and yet. There was a familiar feeling in his throat, like something was crushing it. “It won’t happen--” 

“Stop. Don’t say anything you don’t mean, Sasuke. I get why you ran away, but it’s not your responsability to keep anyone alive--” 

“THAT’S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY,” He jerked back, his throat constricting more, probably due to the strain of the unfamiliar loudness. “YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’S GOING TO DIE! AND I’M...” he was going to be the one left without a family. “ _ AGAIN _ . IF YOU WERE SMART, YOU’D HELP ME RUN AWAY, AND IF YOU CARED, YOU’D HELP ME KEEP YOU SAFE.” His voice cracked at the end, but it had more to do with the strain the screams put on it than anything else. 

Kakashi handed him a glass of water. “I understand why--” 

He threw it across the kitchen, shattering on impact against the wall. “IF YOU UNDERSTOOD, YOU’D HELP ME. YOU’D HELP YOURSELF. THEY’RE GOING TO KILL YOU.” He drew in a breath, his mind all too helpful at providing unhelpful images that tightened his chest. “THEY’RE...” He cleared his throat, feeling a wave of tiredness crash over him. “They’re...they’re going to kill everyone, and the only thing you guys say is that it’s going to be okay. Like being missing is anything compared to being dead.” It wasn’t. “It’s not. You’re going to be dead, and I’m going to be the only one left, having to live with myself because I can’t kill myself.” He should. He wanted to. But. But. He wasn’t  _ that _ much of a brat. 

“And what exactly do you think you’re going to accomplish by running away?” Kakashi’s voice was soft. Controlled. 

It made Sasuke’s throat close up more, and made him want to punch him, even if the only person who needed a punch was himself. “They won’t kill you if--” 

“If you’re not here? Have you stopped to think that they might just kill me  _ because _ you’re not here? If you run away, I won’t even have the option to rat you out.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Sasuke said, even though he  _ should _ . But just like he’d gotten arrested because of him, Kakashi wouldn’t bat an eye if he died for him, too. 

“No,” he said. “But I’ll still end up dead, regardless of what you do. If I’m going to die, like every other human in the world, I would prefer it if my last months were not filled with worry about your whereabouts, and I could actually sleep and actually spend more time with you.” 

“You shouldn’t--” 

“You  _ shouldn’t _ have run away either, but sometimes, people just have urges. I won’t apologize if my urges include putting up a tree and forcing you to sing Christmas carols to everyone in the neighborhood for forcing them to hear Urushi going crazy over squirrels.”

“I can’t sing! And--” 

“I’m pretty sure you can,” Kakashi said. 

“That’s not the point,” Sasuke said, feeling the agitation building up again., feeling his cheeks warming up at the sudden, horrific realization that Kakashi had heard him ocasionally singing in the shower--not singing, humming. Mumbling. He shook his head, trying to get a grip on himself. He needed to calm down. Kakashi didn’t deserved to be screamed at, even as he tried to emberass him  _ and _ change the topic. He deserved to be screamed at. Why wasn’t Kakashi screaming? Why wasn’t he hitting him? He should have stayed with Naruto, he would have done it, he had done it. Who even said adults were smarter than teenagers? Naruto was the only one who seemed to react properly to--

“I get your point, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “I do, really. I know how hard losing people is--” 

“No, you don’t. Not like this.”

Kakashi smiled, as he patted his shoulder. “How do you think I came to get you, Sasuke?”

He couldn’t do anything but shrug, trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach. The chicken nuggets? Or the sudden realization that he’d just said something terrible? Along with everything else he’d said already. He  _ screamed _ at Kakashi, and--

“Your cousin, Obito, was my friend; I was going to be his best man at his wedding. My mom died giving birth to me, and my dad killed himself when I was five. I have a very strong idea about what you’re feeling, but I’d really would appreciate it if you didn’t make me lose a son, too.” He patted his shoulder again, “think about it. Also, clean up your mess.”

And with that, Kakashi left the kitchen. Sasuke heard footsteps go up the stairs, a door closing. His mind blanked as he cleaned up the broken glass, doing his best and surprisingly succeeding at not cutting himself. Accidentally. Obviously. He wiped clean the counter, throwing the garbage away. And then he slid down onto the floor, trying to. To think. He was an idiot. He knew this. Everyone should know this. By now. And yet. Yet, he couldn’t stop reaching new lows, it would be impressive, if it wasn’t so terrible. 

Sometimes, he’d assumed that Kakashi had just been an unfortunate person that happened to walk down the street in front of his father’s house, and looked innocent enough to...get a stupid child as a gift. Other times, he sort of assumed that Kakashi worked for his father, and...and hadn’t pissed him off enough to get fired, but enough to get a stupid child as a gift. He hadn’t--he hadn’t. He couldn’t have ever imagined that.

He remembered Obito. Vaguely. He wasn’t as cool as Shisui, and had visited rarely, but he’d been funny, if only...always a bit late. It used to drive everyone mad, and. He couldn’t think about this anymore. It hurt too much. Kakashi must be hurting now, too, having to remember and say all of that out loud. With a surprisingly sunny disposition...just like. Like he’d had years of practice to get used to the emptiness. 

The bell rang. He waited on the ground, but Kakashi didn’t seem to be getting it, and. And Sasuke was a big boy, he could get it. Looking through the peephole, it was Suigetsu, and Sasuke wasn’t ready to. To think of anything yet. 

Kakashi knew all that pain and. 

He couldn’t think. Now. 

He opened the door. 

“Hey, Sauce,” Suigetsu grinned. 

In another time, he would have rolled his eyes at the nickname. He stepped to the side, letting him inside. “Jugo said you reserved the right to hit me for not inviting you sooner. Go ahead.”

Suigetsu dropped a backpack on the ground, as he looked around, whistling. “Who did you meet who turned you into such a masochist?”

“No one,” Sasuke said. Life had just decided to toss him into a meat grinder, and he was fine, but people apparently hadn’t gotten the memo that he deserved. Deserved something. Except Naruto, but Naruto wasn’t...well, actually he might hit him because he’d been...He had. His parents, had. Anyway. Anyway. He could stop by Naruto’s window if Suigetsu didn’t hit him. “I just thought I’d tell you, Jugo isn’t here to hide behind.”

Suigetsu turned to look at him, “yeah, but he’ll show up soon enough; aren’t you going to show me around? I drove for hours to get here, and I’m not ready to start driving. I need to eat and rest, and maybe take a shower. A bath. Feed me. Then, maybe I’ll have enough energy to slap you.”

“Is that a threat?” It should be a promise. 

Suigetsu shrugged, “depends on what you feed me, I guess.”

“Go upstairs, second door.”

“Do you have bubbles?”

“What am I? Five? No, I don’t--” 

“Pity,” Suigetsu said, grabbing his backpack. He shoved him on the way up. 

Playfully. Not hard enough. Sasuke stayed there, watching him disappear to the second floor, before he headed to the kitchen again. They did have fish sticks for emergencies. He took them from the fridge, dumping a pile, all of them, on a plate, and shoving it in the microwave. The plate was hot, but that was okay. It didn’t matter. He mixed mayo and ketchup on another plate, because there was no space next to the fish sticks and because Suigetsu was a weirdo that liked weird combination on his food. He grabbed a banana, holding it under his chin, and headed to his bedroom.

“Did you think about it?”

If the house wasn’t so quiet, he would have missed Kakashi’s voice from coming behind the door. He would have lied. He should have. But. But. Kakashi didn’t. He didn’t deserved to be lied to, on top of everything else that he’d suffered, that Sasuke made him suffer. “Not yet,” he said back, just as soft, just as quiet, but knowing that Kakashi heard it. 

He waited, but nothing else came, so he kept walking. Closing his bedroom door behind him, but not locking it, because Kakashi deserved to have freedom anywhere in the house. Besides, he wouldn’t come in. He set the food on his bed, fleeing to the bathroom. Last time he’d been in his bedroom, he’d been. He’d left. 

“What you bring me?” Suigetsu asked, already in the water, his eyes closed, but if he opened them, he’d be staring up and looking at. And it was fine. 

“Fish sticks,” Sasuke said, taking a seat at the edge of the tub. “With that stupid ketchup mixture that--” 

“Rude. It’s delicious,” Suigetsu turned to him, opening his eyes. “Feed me.”

“You’re in the bathtub.”

“Only to relax. I’m not actually dirty. And I’m hungry. And I could kill two birds with one stone.”

“Why do you want to kill birds?”

Suigetsu shrugged, “because I don’t like birds. Anyway, feed me.” He opened his mouth and pointed at it just like a chicken would. 

Without another word, Sasuke got up, taking the two plates and banana to the bathroom, setting them down on top of the toilet seat. Until Suigetsu did some pathetic hand gestures, pretending that his arms weren’t that long, like the toilet and bathtub weren’t squished side by side, and then Sasuke was on his knees, dipping the first fish stick in that sauce that Suigetsu liked so much. So much, one time he’d put it in cereal. Because he was an idiot with bad taste. Although the entire second plate was filled with it, he wouldn’t be surprised if halfway, he needed to head downstairs to make more. 

At least he swallowed. “Are you going to tell me anything important, or am I to beat you up without much of an explanation?”

Sasuke shoved the other half of the stick into more sauce. “It’s nothing,” he said.

“You’re a terrible liar. At least tell me why you didn’t call me, too. I love Jugo, but I can’t say that I didn’t want to cry when you didn’t invite me over.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, shaking his head at the stupid grin Suigetsu offered up. “You were in school--” 

“I know, I took the GED, and--” 

“How did your parents let you?”

Suigetsu chuckled, before taking the half stick into his mouth. “Don’t be stupid, Sauce. They were just happy I wanted to take it, they say hi, by the way. I guess they were wrorried I was going to loose the only good influece in my life, so they were rather accomodating when I asked if I could drive down here.”

Sasuke picked up another stick. He wasn’t a good influence. He was going to get him killed. “And--” 

“So. What are we doing? Also, give me more sauce, Sauce.”

Suigetsu chewed so fast. Sasuke grabbed another stick, making sure he smeared it with the sauce as best as he could. “I--Kakashi. I.” He shut his mouth. He needed to find his brother, he needed to make sure that...he stayed to go caroling with Kakashi. He needed to shove alcohol down his throat and wait until his father’s ghost rose from the ashes to kill him. He should have tried harder with those shackles. “I need to...find my brother.”

“Me too,” Suigetsu said, although they both knew that his brother was in a gang, fully voluntarily. “Where is he?”

Sasuke hovered another stick in front of his mouth, slightly taken back by how easy Suigetsu seemed to take the news that he had a long, lost brother. Who might be dead. That man told him he was alive...and that was a clear indication that he was in fact dead, but. But. Too much was riding on this, and. And he needed to find Itachi. “I don’t know.”

“Then how are we going to find--” 

The bell rang. It was probably Jugo, with Urushi. “Hold on,” he said, setting the other half back on the plate. He headed upstairs, not surprised that Kakashi’s door remained shut. Not surprised that it was Jugo. He smiled. Who else would it be? 

“Suigetsu’s here,” Sasuke said, letting him inside, his hand twitching to pet Urushi. But. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t deserved to. 

“Yeah, I saw his car,” Jugo said, hanging the leash in the closet. “Sasuke?” He said, as they were heading upstairs. “It’s none of my business, but Naruto was crying in the park.”

Sasuke halted. And then continued walking. “What can I say? He’s a crybaby--” 

“Do you think I’m a crybaby too?”

“No. Of course not,” Sasuke said, doing his best to bit back a wince. At least Jugo was behind him. “But Naruto is. He’ll be fine.”

“Are you going to be fine too?”

Sasuke managed to roll his eyes, for his own benefit. There was that tightness in his stomach again. It was stupid. “Yeah, I don’t even like him. I only pretended to be his boyfriend because he was too nosy and I don’t like that. And he’s an idiot.” Eventually, he’ll  _ have _ to  _ believe _ all those words, right? He had to. For a second, he paused in front of Kakashi’s door, but. But if Kakashi knew that pain, then he could understand why it was important to leave.

He could do this. 

He guided Jugo back in the bathroom, letting him seat at the edge of the bathtub, while he continued to feed Suigetsu. 

“So how are we going to find him?”

“Who?”

“Sasuke’s brother,” Suigetsu replied. 

Sasuke felt Jugo’s eyes on him, felt Suigetsu’s eyes on him, too, but he was struggling to think. He had no plan to go about finding Itachi. “Um--” 

“You have no idea, do you?” Suigetsu asked, like he was a genius himself. 

“I--I’ve been a little preoccupied--” 

“Turning into a masochist?”

Jugo beat him to it, “don’t say that. Sasuke’s had a couple of awful months and he doesn’t need us teasing him, regardless of how irrational his actions may seem.”

Sasuke’s breath hitched when Jugo began rubbing circles on his back. It was fine. He could do this. “Yes, thank you,” he cleared his throat, pulling the food away from Suigetsu when he started laughing. Mostly, so he wouldn’t choke. “Anyway, I don’t--” 

“You don’t have any idea on what you’re doing, as usual,” Suigetsu said. “As your friends, we don’t blame you. We too, have no idea what we’re doing half the time. But. I did make new friends this semester, after being deserted by everyone, and I think maybe they could help us find your brother!”

“How?”

“Why?” Sasuke glanced back at Jugo, whose hand was still. Still rubbing circles. From a place of caring, he knew that. “Why would they help?”

“Because I showed them a picture of you, and I’m pretty sure they want to fuck,” Suigetsu rolled his eyes, and Sasuke did his best to keep his face passive, to keep his breathing even, to stop himself from throwing up; he offered another stick to him. “Don’t be stupid, we’ll have to pay them.”

“You couldn’t make new friends without resorting to extortion?”

Sasuke realized that...telling Naruto everything did avoid certain. Certain words that. That made him lightheaded. “Wh--” 

“They’re not friends from high school--” 

Sasuke looked up. “You joined a  _ gang _ ?”

“No! What do you think I am? An imbecile? Don’t answer that and don’t look at me like that,” Suigetsu shook his head, opening his mouth again. It only took Sasuke about five seconds to realize that he was waiting for food, not thinking about what to say. The silence dragged on until Suigetsu had eaten three pieces. “I told both of you, I bought a knife from this guy, anyway, he’s really cool. He knows a lot of people in all...the right places, so if we cough up the sufficient amount of money, maybe it’ll be enough to persuade them to help us find your bro.” He crossed his arms, “but the floor is wide open for more ideas.”

“We’re all broke,” Jugo said. “Where are we supposed to come up with the money?”

Sasuke...was--was technically rich now? If he became Sasuke Uchiha, then he’d have enough money to pay criminals to find his brother. Although. Although. Being an Uchiha again would leave him in square one and. And. Paying criminals was...the opposite of what he was trying to do. And. And. And Kakashi would have definietly lost a son, then, and--

“We can rob a bank--” 

“Sasuke’s boyfriend’s dad is a cop, and I don’t think--” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sasuke said, although he couldn’t blame Jugo because...he had introduced. Introduced Mr. Uzumaki that way. “And--” 

“You have a boyfriend?” Suigetsu asked, a big, stupid pout on his face. “What happened to us? I thought we had something special. Is he hotter than me?”

“Yes,” Sasuke said, without thinking. Obviously. It wasn’t true. Suigetsu was attractive, if he hadn’t known him for a decade and didn’t know that he still slept with his bedside lamp on because he was scared of the monster underneath his bed. But--but Naruto had big, blue eyes, bluer he’d ever seen, and his smile was--

“Rude,” Suigetsu snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Feed me more.”

Sasuke did, glancing over his shoulder to look at Jugo as Suigetsu took a bite. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he repeated, to taste the words in his mouth, but also to drive the point home. 

“Of course,” Jugo said. “But I think, even if that is true, we’re not robbing a bank.”

“Right,” Sasuke nodded, turning to look back at Suigetsu, not wanting to argue that it  _ was _ true, there was no ‘if’ about it. “If we do that, we’ll end up in jail.” Which. Which he probably would, anyway, but--

“You could just strip and bend over,” Suigetsu said, his voice suddenly devoid of emotion. “Isn’t that what you were going to do in the streets?”

Sasuke peeled the banana for him. “I--” 

“Sui--” 

“You’re such an idiot.”

He managed to huff, keeping the fruit in front of Suigetsu’s face. “That’s rich coming from you. Remind us again who just said we should  _ rob a bank _ ? Remind me how you passed sixth grade?”

“You say that like being an idiot is an exclusionary thing that only one single person can be in a room. Me being an idiot does not take away from you being an idiot for running away without packing shit.”

“I didn’t have time--” 

“Suigetsu--” 

“Do you know how worried Jugo was? We get it, okay? You hate California and you--” 

“I don’t--” 

“Really want to go home. But you could have prepared better. What happened to you?”

Sasuke had the strangest urge to throw the banana at his face. But he didn’t. He really only wanted to throw it at his own face. “Nothing. I--” 

“You, perfect, little boy, decided that he was bored and needed to run away without packing anything, not having money, or a viable plan for finding a brother. Please tell me that your dad finally saw the light and at least slapped you a little.”

He hadn’t. He should have, but. But he’d only gotten a pat on his shoulder. “No--” 

“Then, who punched you?”

“His boyfriend.”

Sasuke didn’t want to know how Jugo knew that, because he sure hadn’t told him. “For the last time, he’s not my boyfriend--” 

“Right,” Jugo nodded. “My bad.”

Sasuke swallowed a scream. 

“Where can I find this guy and what can I give him as a gi--” 

“Suigetsu, stop.”

Sasuke peeled the banana again, somehow stopping his hands from shaking, after Suigetsu had taken three bites. “Can we go back to the issue at hand?” He fixed Suigetsu with a look, “I’d be more than happy to strip and fuck, or be fucked, but you’re going to have to step it up as my advertising department--” 

“You’re not prostituting yourself for money, Sasuke,” Jugo said, steadily; although, Sasuke could tell that Suigetsu was at least five percent into that idea, and Sasuke  _ would _ , even if he--he wanted to kill himself just a little more afterwards. “I could take out a loan?”

“You’re a broke college student,” Suigetsu said, finishing the banana, and for some reason, taking the peel from Sasuke’s hand and tossing it in the trashcan. “Who’s going to be dumb enough to give you money?”

“You’d be surprised how many credit cards are offered on campus--” 

“You’re not going into debt, Jugo,” Sasuke said. That was. That had too many future repercussions for someone other than himself. “We could...raise money online.”

“Oh,” Suigetsu snapped his fingers, “we can pretend your dad kicked you out because you’re gay, and--” 

“We’re not dragging Kakashi into this,” Sasuke replied, without thinking. “We can say that your parents are baffled at your idiocracy and want to take you to an expensive doctor in...Egypt.”

“Who’d believe--” 

Sasuke felt a smirk tugging at his lips, “anyone who has had the misfortune of meeting you, of course.”

“Watch it, Hatake.”

His stomach twisted. “Don’t call me that.”

“Guys? Money?”

Sasuke shifted to sit down, giving his knees a rest; he deserved the pain, he knew that, but he was a wimp. A second later, someone--Suigetsu was holding his neck back, in what was clearly a friendly hug, but his heart spiked at the memory of someone holding him just like that before bringing a cloth over his face and. And. Suigetsu wouldn’t do that. 

“Who votes for Sasuke becoming a slut?”

From the corner of his vision, he saw Suigetsu raising his hand, the one that wasn’t holding him, and after a second, he too was raising his hand because that option was better than robbing a bank, engaging in financial fraud online, and Jugo going into debt. Besides, this was his problem--Jugo was too nice and was helping him, and Suigetsu was an idiot who was also helping him--and he needed to provide the solution. 

“I veto that idea--” 

“You can’t veto something, that’s not how it works.”

“I am the oldest, and so I veto it. Stop talking about it,” Jugo said, calmly, although his eyes were hard as he stared at them. 

“Then we’re back in square one,” Sasuke pointed out, still trying to get his heartbeat to even out, still reminding himself that the person who was holding him was Suigetsu, childhood friend, best friend, who, except for the occasional annoying pinch on his cheeks or slap on his ass, wouldn’t actually ever hurt him. 

And if he did, he deserved it.

“We have time. There’s nothing wrong with thinking things through--” 

“ _ We don’t have time _ .” The longer he was here, the longer people had to plan out their attack, plan out Kakashi’s murder, and the Uzumakis’ murder because they couldn’t possibly have known that he didn’t care. Care about them anymore. “ _ I  _ don’t have time.” And that really was the problem, wasn’t it? He’d hardly gotten a break, ever since his father ended in the hospital, and he hadn’t thought through things because he was an idiot, and--and even if he was thinking straight, he wanted to put his dead--missing--alive brother through this, instead of going through it himself.

The fact was that if Itachi was alive, then he must have made...important relationships with other people too. He was the first born, and their father’s favorite without a doubt, but that didn’t mean that Itachi had to sacrifice everything, everyone he cared about, to take over. He hit the bathtub with his palm, the sound echoing in the bathroom.

“Wow, Sasuke--” 

“Getsu, let go,” he said, figuring that he  _ had _ said it because the hold on him disappeared a second later. He hit the bathtub again, feeling a painful warmth spreading all across his palm, but it didn’t matter because no one else seemed to want to hit him, and it was okay, maybe he didn’t even deserved that, but he could let some. Some frustration out. All by himself. 

He felt a hand, holding his wrist. It was probably Jugo. “Let go.”

He did. Whichever one it was, who had held him. “You’re hurting yourself.”

It didn’t matter. He turned around, his eyes unfocused, but his mind telling him that Suigetsu was looking at him with concern, like all of this hadn’t been Sasuke’s own fault, like he didn’t deserve all of this, didn’t deserve the realization that no matter what he did, he was stuck. What kind of person was he? Plotting to use his older brother as a scapegoat, without thinking about how, if he was alive, he would be dealing with losing a father that loved him, that risked everything to keep him safe? He punched the bathtub, not entirely feeling the pain that should have crushed his hand, but not entirely being able to bite back a wince from the contact. He hit again. And again. And again. The back of his head vaguely registering some voices telling him to stop. 

Before he could bring his fist against the bathtub, someone was pulling him back. But Suigetsu and Jugo were still in front of him. It wasn’t until he was facing the mirror, cool water running down his hand, rushing out the blood, that he realized it was Kakashi. 

Kakashi with red eyes. Stupidly, he’d never considered that Kakashi, like everyone else in the world, cried. 

He’d make him cry. He made Kakashi cry, and he was still helping him clean up another one of his messes. “I’m sorry.”

Kakashi shushed him. “It’s okay. We’ll fix you up.”

“That’s not--”

But Kakashi shushed him again, and it made sense because if he was in his position, he wouldn’t want to hear him speak, either. He saw Suigetsu’s and Jugo’s reflection in the mirror, as they left the bathroom, as quietly as they could, and then heard the door closed, and then he was alone with Kakashi, the water running over his hand and the bathtub being drained as the only sounds. Mrs. Uzumaki had been right, he’d lost some weight, his chin looked sharper, and his skin was paler than he’d ever seen, making the orange sweater pop out more. He was still wearing Naruto’s clothes, his favorite color, with one of his favorite animals. Sasuke caught sight of the first tears spilling over before he averted his gaze downward to his hand, no longer bloodied, as Kakashi’s hands held it under the water, his fingers running over the forming bruise more gently than they really should. 

There was nothing to clean anymore, but if Kakashi was feeling better by watching him cry like a baby, then the least he could do was stand there; he’d stayed there crying for a million years if that would make Kakashi feel better. It’s the least he could do. He couldn’t do anything else. He’d already made him cry, he’d already gotten him arrested, he’d already ruined his life--was there anything else he could do to him?

He watched him turn off the water, one hand holding Sasuke’s wrist, while the other one searched the drawer for cream and for bandages. Things. Things that. That he didn’t deserve. Kakashi pressed a towel on his knuckles before he spread cream over them. 

Kakashi cleared his throat. “We can get you a punching bag, if you want. It’ll hurt less than punching walls or bathtubs.”

“It...doesn’t hurt.”

“Could be broken.” He sounded worried, but he shouldn’t be.

Sasuke wasn’t lucky enough to break his hand. “Not like that,” he said, trying to explain himself, but knowing that he was failing miserably because that was just the kind of person that he was. “I’m really sorry,” he said, hearing his voice crack, but it didn’t matter because Kakashi was letting him speak now and he had to take the opportunity, had to apologize for everything he’d ever done, everything he would do. He had no idea what he would do now, because--because he couldn’t do that to Itachi, but. But. He was bound to. He was bound to fuck up and destroy Kakashi’s life so more. 

Kakashi let his wrist go, his hand soon tilting his chin up. Did he want him to stare at himself crying like a baby too? He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to distract his body, trying to bring the shaking shoulders under control. 

“I don’t have a lot of tools to help you, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, his reflection staring unflichingly back at him. “But I care about you and I will fight with everything I have to make sure you’re safe, even if I have to fight you, too.”

Sasuke’s lip looked like it was quivering more than it felt. He managed a small nod and Kakashi, mercifully, let his chin go. His eyes trailed down, watching Kakashi bandaged his hand.

“What do you want to do?”

He must have shaken his head. He shuddered, “I don’t know.” Every single thing he came up with turned out only to be a convulated mess of selfishness and irresponsability. “I need...to study.”

“I talked to all your teachers, told them you had whooping cough,” Kakashi said, taking him by the shoulders and turning him towards him, but Sasuke kept his eyes on the ground. “They were surprised that I was an anti-vaxxer, but they said you could take your finals at the beginning of next semester. What else do you want to do?”

He’d even forced Kakashi, a chemistry teacher, to pretend he was a moron. Everytime he felt he’d hit his absolute lowest asshole level, he managed to dig deeper. “Dete--” 

“Same,” Kakashi said. “What else?”

He risked a peek up. But like a coward, he didn’t look closely enough to begin to decipher anything on Kakashi’s face. “Did...did you know I was coming back?”

“I  _ hoped _ you were going to come back.”

He wouldn’t have. If it hadn’t been for Mrs. Uzumaki. “I’m sorry.” He shouldn’t have, but he pressed his face against his chest, and sobbed. 

\------

It was a wonder that the cupcakes weren’t all on the ground, with the amount of shaking Sasuke couldn’t seem to get under control. Jugo and Suigetsu had helped him make them, even though Suigetsu was not much for help, but they were both now back in the house. And he was out, staring at the Uzumaki’s door. He’d been standing there for too long, and the doorbell wasn’t that far away, but he couldn’t bring himself to touch it. 

Kakashi had asked if he wanted him to call Mr. Uzumaki first, but...but Sasuke had said no, because it was his fault, and Kakashi didn’t have to clean up every single one of his messes. He was a big kid, and that meant...that meant, this. Baking apology cupcakes for an entire family that had been too kind to him for no reason at all.

“What are you doing?”

Sasuke turned around, holding his breath as he took in Naruto standing behind him, carrying his backpack on one shoulder. His eyes redder than Kakashi’s, his voice hoarser. He looked down at the cupcakes. Had he really--really not. Not heard the car? No wonder it had been so easy to take him. 

“Sasuke.” Naruto’s voice sounded like he was dying. “You’re covering my door.”

He stepped to the side, swallowing. “Sorry. Are--are your parents home?”

Naruto huffed. “No. Dad went to work, and mom has her reading club, someone else’s house this time, thankfully,” he unlocked the door, taking his shoes off and leaving the door open. 

Sasuke brain wasn’t working anymore, had stopped working since the bathroom earlier. But. But maybe he should close the door? Bugs could go inside their home, and no one liked bugs, not even people as nice as them--

“Are you coming in? Or did you just show up to parade those cupcakes?”

Sasuke shook his head, stepping inside the house, ignoring the tightening of his chest. He took his shoes off, although he remained by the door, in case Naruto kicked him out. Even though he didn’t look like he was going to do that. He was just standing by the kitchen, his arms crossed across his chest, his face contorted into an unrecognizable expresion.

“I--” 

“Are you going to set them down?”

Sasuke jerked towards the kitchen, setting the tray on the kitchen counter, barely registering his own footsteps, but unable to determine if that was because of the ringing in his ears, or because of the silence that followed him everywhere now. 

“What happened to your hand?”

Sasuke glanced up, before turning his attention to the fridge. But then he spotted a picture of Naruto and his parents, presumably from a photo booth, and he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Couldn’t look at it. With a breath, he faced Naruto. “I punched...something.”

Naruto walked away. And that was okay. Sasuke was turning to leave, when he spotted Naruto walking into the kitchen, stopping a mere feet away from him. Naruto raised his hand to his cheek, his fingers brushing the bruise that had slowly been turning a deeper shade of red over the past hours. 

“I shouldn’t have punched you, but--” 

“It’s okay.”

Naruto stared at him, and Sasuke could do little but stare back, into those stupid, stupid blue eyes. “It’s not, and I shouldn’t have,” he said, his fingers never leaving his cheek. “But you shouldn’t have said those things about my parents.” He dropped his hand, “I don’t care--I mean, I  _ do _ . But, it’s fine that you said those things about me, I get it, really. But my parents care about you, genuinly care, and were worried sick when you were gone and...and I don’t like it when people say bad things about them.”

He should have practiced an apology. His tongue felt like it had rolled all the way inside his stomach. “I know,” he spitted out, wincing at the way the words came out. “I--I mean, I didn’t. I didn’t mean anything I said. Not about them and not about you, I was just...” 

He had just. Been. Was. Still. He didn’t know. But it was from a place of caring. It was. He still cared. He still wouldn’t be able to sleep again, once something happened to any of them, but now, he understood that he was powerless to do anything against anyone, and when something happened, the only thing he could do was beg. He would just have to practice begging.

It didn’t matter if Uchihas didn’t do that. 

He didn’t even know what that meant anymore. 

He focused back on Naruto, who hadn’t said a word--or Sasuke hadn’t heard a word. “Just...emotional.” He figured that the uncomfortable feeling that settled on him from that word was a small price to pay. “We made the cupcakes as an apology, for you and your parents, and if you don’t mind--” His brain stopped working even worse when Naruto raised his sweater, lifted his shirt, the kitchen’s cool air rushing across his torso. “What are you doing?” He asked, not entirely sure he could stomach an answer, but. But his. It was worse, his imagination.

Naruto trailed a finger across his abdomen, stopping and poking. Sasuke hissed at the incessent probing. “You really do heal slowly.”

The bruise Naruto left on him less than two weeks ago had become familiar to him over the past days; freezing at night, poking it had been the only way to keep himself moving, reminding him why he had to keep moving, why he couldn’t just return. But he still had. He looked away, this time focusing on the cabinets lining the wall while he waited for Naruto to...stop.

“And I really have hurt you a lot.”

“I bruised your nose,” Sasuke pointed out, although Naruto’s face didn’t have a single patch of coloration. “And it wasn’t my place to snap at Hinata that way.” He hadn’t apologized, had he? He’d been too busy. Being. Being stupid and selfish. 

Naruto let him go. “Want to talk about anything?”

Sasuke shook his head, quicker than was strictly necessary. “Just...can you text me when your parents...would--would...could receive me? I would like to...apologize to them in person.”

“You can wait here, if you want,” Naruto said, stepping back. He took one of the cupcakes, licking the frosting off, at least looking pleased. “I’m pretty sure mom will be back soon, at least.”

“I don’t want to overstep, I,” he sighed, “I do realize that I was an asshole to you, and I don’t--” 

Naruto shrugged, taking the wrapper off the cupcake, “I’m shameless. If you say you didn’t mean it, I believe you. I mean, you have been under a couple of...emotional...circumstances lately. I guess it’s to be expected. Mostly, though, if you tell me that I can cuddle with you in my bed again, I don’t care what you told me.”

“You shouldn’t forgive people so easily, Naruto.” It was practical advise. He shouldn’t. Sasuke had, only a few hours ago, told him that he’d emotionally manipulated him and used him to keep the police off of them. “You’re going to get hurt.” 

Naruto shrugged again. He licked his lips. “I already got hurt. It happens. You were cranky,” he said, pausing for a second, looking like he wanted to say something else. “And you made cupcakes as an apology. As I said, I don’t care what you said about me, especially if you’re taking it back now. Just don’t say anything about my mom and dad again, got it?” 

“I won’t.” Sasuke was still dreading seeing them--if they even saw him. “I promise.”

“Good,” Naruto said, grabbing him by the wrist, and pulling him towards the stairs.

Sasuke halted in the first step. “Do you want to come to my house, instead? It’s just...Jugo and this other friend, Suigetsu, are there, and...and I did kind of make them come.”

“Your house?” Naruto asked, a small frown on his face. “Are you sure?”

Sasuke nodded. “They won’t mind. Suigetsu was talking about how much he wanted to meet you. They helped me make the cupcakes.”

Naruto grinned, “yeah. I’ll text mom and dad to tell them where I am. Let me just grab a sweater.”

He came back in seconds, still throwing on a blue hoodie as he rushed downstairs. They walked down the driveway, Sasuke soon opening the door, having clearly been forgiven for too much, judging by the hand around his waist. 

“Is this your boyfriend?” Suigetsu was standing in front of them faster than Sasuke blinked. 

“Uh--” 

“Yeah!” Naruto’s eyes were still red, and his voice was still hoarse, but he had a wide grin on his stupid face. “I’m Naruto. I met Jugo already, so you must be Suigetsu.”

Sasuke took a tiny breath, as he waited for Suigetsu to reply. Like the idiot that he was, when he invited Naruto over, it was because it wasn’t right to leave his guests alone, when he left, he had. He had just thought he’d been dropping the cupcakes off, staring at the floor while he waited for someone in Naruto’s house to either throw them at his face, or shut the door on his face, but clearly, he hadn’t realized that Naruto and Suigetsu would be meeting, and...and an explosion between them, was honestly, probably deserved, but something he wouldn’t be able to handle. Right now. Or ever. 

“Nice to meet you,” Suigetsu said, giving Naruto a toothy smile. He pinched Sasuke’s cheek, but was nice enough to pick the one that wasn’t red already. “He is cute, Sauce.” He let him go, “Jugo was putting on a movie. I’m making popcorn.”

“Please, don’t burn the house down,” Sasuke said, not having missed the way that the hold on his waist tightened just a little bit. But when he managed to glance at Naruto, he couldn’t spot anything...bad. Which. Which. Wasn’t saying much, obviously, because he had a track record of just being terrible at reading people. 

“I’ll try,” Suigetsu replied, heading back into the kitchen. 

Jugo was sitting in front of the television, ten movies spread around him. Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to care what they watched. Naruto greeted Jugo with the same sunny disposition, and Sasuke let him drag him to the floor, leaning back against his chest. Naruto’s chin was resting on his shoulder, his hands around his waist. He was talking with Jugo, helping him choose the movie, although they were taking forever, apparently taking five minutes to eliminate one at a time.

Sasuke wasn’t paying much attention, half-falling asleep. He jerked awake when he felt circles on his stomach, his abdomen and shoulder muscles tension under the touch. It stopped. But the hand remained under his clothes.

Naruto planted a small kiss on the crook of his neck. “Are you okay? Is this okay?”

Sasuke nodded quickly. “Just cold,” the lie slipping easily out of him. He was being. Stupid.  _ Naruto _ . It was Naruto. The guy who’d forgiven him without blinking. Sasuke was just being stupid.

There was another kiss. It didn’t exactly relax him, but it didn’t exactly tense him, either.  _ Naruto _ . “Are you sure?”

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah, idiot,” he mumbled back, although he was vaguely awared that Jugo was listening in on the conversation, and Suigetsu must be watching from the kitchen. After a moment, the circles started again, and Sasuke. He. Did. He did his best to relax into the touch.


	20. Chapter 20

It took approximately, judging by the movie, thirty minutes for him to stop tensing up with each new circle. Although, Sasuke wasn’t sure if it was because he was too tired to keep contracting his muscles each time, or because he’d finally convinced his fucked mind that it was  _ Naruto _ . Jugo and he had settled on a movie that had explosions, and might have been something about driving cars recklessly, although Sasuke couldn’t be sure because his eyes seemed more closed than opened. He figured it was okay, for the most part. With Naruto’s touch, his mind was too busy fighting itself already, so it didn’t seem like it had much energy to provide the more. The other images that seemed to follow him everywhere now. 

He should sleep. Try to. He didn’t deserve to sleep, of course, because. He really fucked up. And he didn’t know how to fix anything. He’d made Kakashi cry. Kakashi cried because of him. Naruto did too, and he’d made fun of him when Jugo told him that he saw Naruto crying in the park, in  _ public _ . Sasuke didn’t even know if he also made Naruto’s parents cry. He hoped not. But he was an asshole, so he wouldn’t put it passed him.

He made Kakashi cry. He forced him to talk about obviously painful memories, and he cried. Like he wasn’t the person who’d taken care of him for years, without complaining, without refusing, just because, apparently, he was friends with a cousin that Sasuke only vaguely remembered. Kakashi had lost someone when he had lost everyone too, and instead of foresaking anything to do with the Uchiha name, he had accepted a six-year-old brat, when he was only twenty-two himself. 

And. And. Kakashi’s dad had. 

He was an asshole. It was the only quality that really linked him to his father anymore. And. And. And. He owed Kakashi so much more than he owed Fugaku Uchiha. He much preferred being a Hatake, anyway. If. If Kakashi still let him. But. But he had seemed to. Although, Sasuke could have just forced him to forgive and forget by punching a bathtub and bleeding. 

Had he emotionally manipulated Kakashi to forgive him? He hoped not. But he probably had. It would be just like him. He was. He felt Naruto pulling him closer. Up till now, he’d gotten used to being the little spoon, to having Naruto’s chest against his back, but the way that he was holding him was different now. A little...it was fine. 

Suigetsu hadn’t burned the house either, which was fantastic because that would. Would just ruin Kakashi’s life even more. But it hadn’t happened, and the popcorn, whichever one Naruto ocasionally brought up to his lips, wasn’t burned either. He couldn’t tell how Naruto knew when he was awake enough to swallow, but he seemed to know, and he didn’t know how Suigetsu could tell that him feeding him wasn’t going to end really well either, but Sasuke was grateful for that. Maybe Suigetsu could see the way that Naruto kept pulling him closer every few minutes, like he was trying to make them a single entity. It was fine. He didn’t mind. 

Even though Naruto really  _ shouldn’t _ forgive so easily, especially not someone like him, who had--

“Aw, you guys look so cute,” Kakashi said. He was wearing a black tuxedo, with a matching tie, and his hair was neatly combed to the side. 

“Where are you going?” Sasuke asked, suddenly very much awake, managing to keep his question steady. 

“I have a date.”

“That’s awesome, Kakashi. You look great,” Naruto said. Sasuke could see Jugo nodding along. 

“Thanks,” he said, fixing up his tie.

Sasuke stared. A date? Kakashi didn’t do dates. He was also looking at him like he was trying to communicate something else, his eyes unwavering, his right eyebrow slightly raised, like. Like. He was probably reading too much into it. He was tired and his mind was foggy, he hadn’t exactly been sleeping for what felt like years now. Kakashi had..Sasuke had clearly proven over the past couple of hours that he didn’t really know anything about Kakashi, because he was callous and inconsiderate and had never stopped to ask, like. 

Anyway. He was probably reading too much into everything. Kakashi probably didn’t. Didn’t hate him. That much. He should. But. But. 

He swallowed, forcing his eyes, his attention, his  _ everything _ to focus on Kakashi. “Dad?” It was...unecessary to call him that in front of Naruto, Suigetsu, and Jugo and it made him feel exposed and vulnerable, but. But. He had to check. But Kakashi was only looking at him, nothing happening, except for...his expression softening, a small smile on his face. That. That. Probably meant that he could still be Sasuke Hatake. He hoped. “When are you coming back?” 

“Not too late. Don’t go to sleep too late,” Kakashi said, checking his pocket, probably for his wallet. Sasuke could breathe just a little bit easier. 

He’d. He’d worked hard so that Kakashi wouldn’t regret forgiving so easily, too. 

“You too, Kakashi,” Suigetsu replied, the toothy smile slowly, but surely, spreading across his face. “And make sure you use protection, I’m not sure Sauce would like another brother. Or sister.”

Despite his sleep-deprived state, this time, Sasuke was just fast enough to avoid the pinch on his cheek, and he even managed a half-glare in Suigetsu’s general direction. It must have not been very strong because the smile was still there, though his eyes were decidedly on Kakashi. The only thing Sasuke accomplished was a tightened waist, and another kiss on his neck. He couldn’t tell if that relaxed him, or if it was. It was Kakashi offering him yet another chance. 

“Ah. Suigetsu, how I’ve missed you.”

Suigetsu shrugged, “shouldn’t have moved then.”

Another kiss. Sasuke was pretty sure that there weren’t even atoms separating Naruto and him anymore. “I think he was being sarcastic.”

Kakashi chuckled, lowly, before turning around and walking out. Maybe he was really going to his therapist. He should. He made him. Although, Sasuke couldn’t figure why he’d dressed so formally for that. Maybe the date was with his therapist? Which was just insane. It was obviously none of his business, especially not with everything he had done, but it. Kakashi would. Would go on dates with a therapist so that eventually, Sasuke would have to meet the lady and play nice. That was. Convulated. But. Anyway. He clearly needed to sleep.

He closed his eyes. Only for a minute. But the bell rang. The movie credits were rolling. Maybe it had been for longer than a minute. Jugo was standing up. 

“I’ll get it,” Sasuke said, sticking his foot out to stop Jugo. The barrier didn’t exactly work, but Jugo was nice enough to stop and sit down again. And Sasuke, somehow, found the energy to get up. 

Sasuke wasn’t expecting Naruto to let go, but he was surprised at how easy it was to walk with him still holding him towards the door. Even though Sasuke would have preferred to have him stay in the living room because if something happened, if someone was knocking who wasn’t supposed to be there, he’d preferred having the option of stepping out and going qiuetly. 

He looked through the peephole. It wasn’t...anyone dangerous, but Sasuke’s heart still stopped as he spotted Mr. Uzumaki standing in front of the door. The day really couldn’t just end, could it? 

“It’s your dad,” Sasuke said. “Did you text him?”

Naruto hummed against his shoulder. “Yeah. He never replied, though. Mom didn’t either.”

Of course, Sasuke was deeply familiar with parental figures doing...extreme things for their children, but Mr. Uzumaki had never seemed that way, and showing up to drag Naruto away did seem a little extreme. And if he was being honest, he wasn’t entirely sure that Naruto would let go, so he was really looking at being dragged along too, and Mr. Uzumaki could not possibly appreciate that because the point was to separate them.

“Maybe you should let go,” Sasuke heard himself say. 

Naruto pulled him closer. “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t think Mr. Uzumaki would appreciate seeing us like this.” Sasuke had been such an awful person only a few hours ago. 

“Sasuke, my parents don’t hate you--” 

“They do.” Anyone would. They should. 

Naruto kissed his neck and rested his chin on his shoulder. “They really don’t. I told you, they were, and probably are, worried about you. They care about you. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you absolutely do need to apologize to them, I guess for my own benefit more than theirs, and I do hope that they sit you down and have a talk with you, because I genuinly think a lot of people should have a talk with you about the fact that you ran away for days, but they don’t hate you.”

So. Basically, Naruto knew his parents almost as little as he knew Kakashi. Awesome. He would still feel more comfortable if the first thing Mr. Uzumaki saw wasn’t them so closed together, but. But if Naruto wanted to hold him, who was he to stop him? Naruto deserved to do anything he wanted. To him. It was the least he could do. It was fine. With a sigh, he opened the door. 

“Naruto?” Mr. Uzumaki sounded more confused than angry, but Sasuke was an idiot about. Everything. So he couldn’t be sure. 

The hold on his waist tightened. “Hey, dad. Fancy seeing you here.”

“You--” 

“I texted,” Naruto said. “You and mom, actually. Sasuke invited me over to watch a movie with some of his friends.”

There was silence. Sasuke should really look up. 

“Right,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “I was actually hoping to talk to Sasuke, if you don’t mind.”

“Right,” Naruto echoed. “We don’t mind.”

“Alone.”

Sasuke looked up. Still...if he had a gun to his face and had to decide the emotion reflected on Mr. Uzumaki’s face, he’d go for worry, instead of anger. And then, the gun would probably go off. He nodded, his hands going to Naruto’s arms, tugging at them, as gently, but as determined as he could. 

“Is this Sasuke’s boyfriend’s dad?”

Sasuke turned around, just as Naruto let go. Suigetsu and Jugo were standing in the hallway, and he  _ got _ it, he must looked a little distressed at the moment and he could see both of them jumping over the fine line between sassiness and rudeness, and that was the last thing he needed. But he managed to lock eyes with Jugo, the more sensible one, and he must have gotten the message, because after a second, he was taking Suigetsu’s shoulders and dragging him back to the living room, probably with more force than necessary. But it was okay. Now, if only Jugo would come back and take Naruto, too.

“You should watch the sequel.”

Naruto’s shoulder was brushing his. “Are you sure they won’t just give me the if-you-hurt-him-I’ll-kill-you talk?”

Sasuke glanced back again. How long was he making Mr. Uzumaki wait? He hadn’t even invited him inside. He was an asshole. “I’m pretty sure that Jugo won’t do that and I’m pretty sure Suigetsu will just tell you to tell him when  _ I _ hurt _ you _ .” 

“Are you sure?”

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah. Trust me.” If anything, Jugo would keep Suigetsu in check. Besides, if Suigetsu hadn’t started a fight already, it just meant that he had been serious about wanting to buy Naruto a gift. He should.

Naruto turned his attention back to his dad, and Sasuke could breathe just a little easier. “See you later, dad.”

“Bye, kiddo.” After they were alone in the hallway, Mr. Uzumaki spoke again, barely above a whisper, “do you mind coming to the station with me?”

Dragging him to the police station to have the if-you-hurt-my-son-again-I’ll-end-you talk did seem a little extreme, but it. It wasn’t like. Like he didn’t deserve that. He even deserved getting cuffed, if only to even out the playing field with Kakashi a little bit. 

“Of course, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said. He grabbed his keys before closing the door, following Mr. Uzumaki to his car. Not the sedan, though. An actual police cruiser. His stomach twisted, but. It was fine. 

“Listen, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said, looking at him. “The only reason that I’m having you go in the back is because I can’t have you running out in the freeway, okay? And I know that you probably don’t believe that and your mind might be filling non-existent holes, but it’s just that, I  _ promise _ .” He sounded like he was telling the truth.

And even if he was not, Sasuke deserved this. For several reasons. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, crawling into the car. He had run out on Mr. Uzumaki once already, out the sedan, so he understood. It was fine.

Mr. Uzumaki had been nice enough to open the door for him. The seats were. Were uncomfortable. It was fine. They were covered in plastic, and there were bars on the windows, and the seatbelt snatched on the bottom of his chest, instead of on the side like a normal car. It was fine. The space was cramped, forcing his legs closer to his chest and his head bowed, which. Which. Made just the right amount of sense. 

Kakashi must have been even more uncomfortable--

“Sasuke!”

At least now, he had an actual excuse to keep his eyes, his entire head, down. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki?”

“Kakashi is waiting for you--” 

“I thought he had a date,” Sasuke replied, belatedly realizing that he’d cut off Mr. Uzumaki. Not a date? Maybe he hadn’t been reading too much into Kakashi’s raised eyebrow and intense gaze. “Sorry.”

Mr. Uzumaki kept quiet for a second. If he had thought that trying to figure him out by looking at his face, it was nothing compared to trying to figure him out by looking at his back. “It’s fine,” he said, finally. “How are you doing back there? I know it’s uncomfortable.”

“It’s not,” Sasuke said. It was. A little. Just enough. But it was fine. It wasn’t alright for Mr. Uzumaki to feel bad about putting him there. Didn’t runaways sometimes get arrested anyway? It was fine. “Mr. Uzumaki?” Sasuke started, because in all likelihood, he probably would never be anywhere else with Mr. Uzumaki that gave him an excuse to keep his head down  _ and _ only have to stare at Mr. Uzumaki’s back. Or rather, the back of Mr. Uzumaki’s seat. 

“Yeah?”

“I--I’m really sorry for the way I acted today towards you and Mrs. Uzumaki,” he began. “I don’t know how loud Naruto and I were talking, or if you guys heard anything, or if Naruto said anything of what I said, but I was still rude beforehand, anyway, and I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t right for me to run out of your home like that, especially not after...leaving already, beforehand, and for, what Naruto said, causing you and Mrs. Uzumaki a lot of worry. I wasn’t thinking, and I’m sorry about that, too.” He took a breath, forcing his mouth to keep moving, “and if you did hear what I said, or if Naruto told you what I said, which is fine, of course, I’m not trying to--to suggest that he shouldn’t have said anything, I--I don’t think you or Mrs. Uzumaki are annoying, and I really shouldn’t have said what I said. I didn’t mean it. I know that doesn’t change the fact that I said it and I don’t mean to excuse my behavior, I’m just trying to say how sorry I am. I hope you can forgive me sometime.” Even though he shouldn’t. 

He closed his eyes, willing the fogginess in his mind to lift, just for a second to go over his words and try to decide if he was just guilting Mr. Uzumaki into accepting the apology. He couldn’t decide but. But he probably had. He was an idiot like that, couldn’t even apologize properly. First Kakashi, and now, Mr. Uzumaki. 

“We do care about you, Sasuke, thank you,” Mr. Uzumaki said, after what felt like years. “I think we should talk about this more later, with Kushina, too. Is that okay?”

Sasuke swallowed. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“It’s nothing to do with you, Sasuke,” he continued. “It’s just that I’d rather have this conversation outside of this particular car, when you’re not like that, and I’m not like this. Besides, I think it makes sense to wait for Kushina, so you don’t have to hear everything twice, right?”

That. That. All made sense. Although, Sasuke wasn’t sure how successful his apology could be if he wasn’t like  _ this _ . “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.” 

“Okay,” he said. Sasuke heard him take a deep breath. “So, listen, I realized that this has been a very long day for you and I would have waited until tomorrow, but it couldn’t wait,” he said, parking the cruiser next to a lot of other identical cruisers. Mr. Uzumaki got out of the car, opening the back door, but instead of letting Sasuke out, he got in. 

The door remained open, which. Which was smart. Otherwise they would both be stuck inside. 

“Mr. Uzumaki? We can talk outside, if you’d like.” It was fine if he was uncomfortable, but it wasn’t okay for Mr. Uzumaki to be too. “I promise I won’t try to run away.” For now, at least.

He didn’t move. But then, he did. Mr. Uzumaki got out of the car and Sasuke unbuckled the seatbelt, sliding across the seat. His neck hurt a little, but it was okay. It was fine. Mr. Uzumaki grabbed him by the shoulders, looking him directly in the eyes. Sasuke wanted to look at anything else, missing the backseat already, but--but he could. He could do this. Mr. Uzumaki deserved to be looked directly in the eye, if that’s what he wanted. 

“I do realize this isn’t fair to you, but I need you to promise that when I explain what’s going on and we get inside, you’re going to do anything and everything I tell you.”

“I promise,” Sasuke said. For a second, Mr. Uzumaki looked like he was considering something, but what had he expected? That Sasuke would  _ argue _ with him? Mr. Uzumaki could tell him to walk off the station’s roof and he wouldn’t even blink. 

It might be guilt in his eyes. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to promise something that you’re not going to follow through.”

“I promise, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said. “If you tell me to do something, I’ll do it. Unless...unless you tell me to kill Kakashi, in which case, I won’t, but anything else, I’ll do. I promise.”

“I’m not asking you to kill Kakashi, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said. He glanced at the station, before turning his eyes back to him, still holding him by the shoulders. “Someone came in today saying that he was Itachi Uchiha and insisting that he won’t--” 

Mr. Uzumaki looked like he was talking. His mouth was moving. Unfortunately, rather rudely, Sasuke’s brain seemed to not be functioning any longer. It was stupid. He. He. Interesting. Itachi had always been smarter. Than him. Made sense. That. That. That he’d find him before Sasuke even had a plan to go about it. But. It. But if it was Itachi, then. Then. That man hadn’t been lying. And. And. Did that mean that someone had tried to tell his...father to agree to the demands? Who was it? He. The white ceiling popped up. It was okay. He had to remember that name. A ghost sensation settled on. Near his stomach. It was fine. It was fine. Fine. The name. Who was the person who’d almost saved his entire family? Na--Namikaze. 

Mr. Uzumaki was rubbing his arms. Sasuke nodded, he was pretty sure. “Right,” he said, because he could tell that Mr. Uzumaki’s mouth wasn’t moving anymore, so that must mean that he was waiting for a response, and like an idiot, he hadn’t been listening. But at least he had a name. He didn’t know what to do with the name, other than try to...send a thank-you card? Although, that. That did beg the question of why his father hadn’t listened to this Namikaze.

Mr. Uzumaki was staring at him, probably realizing that Sasuke was incredibly rude and stopped listening awhile ago. “He wants to talk with you. I called Kakashi, he came over. He wouldn’t talk to him. He won’t talk to us. Kakashi is waiting for you outside the observation room. You are not to enter the room unless I give explicit permission. If I give explicit permission, you are not to go in by yourself. You are not to stay in the room with him by yourself. You will get out if I tell you to. If  _ anyone _ taps you out. Are you with me so far?”

Mr. Uzumaki must have finally gotten the memo that Sasuke was an idiot. He was probably repeating everything he had already said. Because Sasuke was an idiot. He nodded. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki, I understand.”

“He took a polygraph test and that didn’t show that he was lying, but if it’s okay with you, I would like to double check with a blood sample from you, to confirm that he is Fugaku Uchiha’s son.”

Sasuke nodded. “Of course, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“In that case, I’ll have someone collect the sample beforehand. We won’t receive them until tomorrow at the earliest. If you do go in the room, I don’t want you talking. Understand?”

He nodded, again. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“I’m serious, Sasuke. If you talk, you’re out of that room.”

“Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded, still holding him. “I don’t even know if you’re going to go inside, but I don’t want you arguing with me, understand?”

Sasuke nodded again.

“I need to hear it, Sasuke.”

“I won’t argue with you, Mr. Uzumaki, I promise.” He wouldn’t. He’d be happy if he could spend the rest of his life  _ without _ disrespecting Naruto’s parents. And. And. And if it was Itachi, he didn’t know what he could say to him, anyway. Sorry, I’m so glad that you’re here so your friends can die instead of mine? He couldn’t say that.

“Okay, okay,” Mr. Uzumaki said, although it appeared like he was talking more to himself than to Sasuke. 

He guided him towards the station, his hands still holding him, probably scared that Sasuke would run away. The inside were just as he remembered, which made sense, because it wasn’t like anyone in that building probably had the energy or time to care much about interior decoration. It wasn’t like Sasuke cared either, or knew anything about it, but it was still just as depressing. It needed a little more color, or maybe light. The windows were still wide open, but the darkness outside wasn’t doing anything to lift the mood, and last time he’d come in the middle of the day, the mood was the same too. 

It also smelled of coffee, and that reminded him of Kakashi. Which. Which, anyway. Mr. Uzumaki took him to a a bared room, with only a wooden table in the center and four chairs around it. Unlike the outside, the room was lit bright enough to hurt his eyes a little. Sasuke must have missed it, but Mr. Uzumaki must have contacted someone because someone came inside. It was a woman, with short brown hair, her bangs covering her forehead. She pushed a trolley, parking it next to Sasuke. It had. A lot of things that he didn’t want to get a good look at. 

“Hi, Sasuke, I’m Sukui,” she said, putting on medical gloves. 

Sasuke smiled, watching her wipe the table clean. “Hi,” he said after a moment, placing his arm, palm face-up, on the table, rolling his sleeve up. And then promptly looked away. He wasn’t a fan of needles, and he didn’t. Didn’t need to faint--that was the last thing he needed. 

He felt an elastic go around his bicep, Sukui tightening enough to cut of blood circulation, which made sense because that was the  _ point _ , but it. It really did more things to him that. His eyes trailed Mr. Uzumaki as he walked to stand in front of him. Sasuke appreciated that. Wouldn’t say it aloud, but he did. 

“Can you make a fist for me?”

Sasuke did, sure that it was tight enough to leave crescent-shaped marks on his palm, his eyes still fixed on Mr. Uzumaki’s general direction. He heard the door opening, but looking in that direction would risk looking at whatever Sukui was doing to his arm. So. That. There was nothing wrong about not looking at the door. He felt the needle go in. Into his forearm, hopefully into a vein. People usually told him that he had good veins from which to draw blood, but that always seemed like a weird compliment, because wouldn’t losing blood be a bad thing? But now. Now. It couldn’t possibly be a bad thing if Sukui just kept sucking the blood out of him. Taking out the needle hurt more than getting it in, and he was too tired to stop himself from flinching, from biting back a wince, but no one seemed to notice, or everyone took pity on him and decided not to call him out on it. That was nice. Not what he deserved, but it was nice. 

He felt cotton, and then tape, and then the elastic was loosened and removed. Sasuke still didn’t look. He was a wimp. He was already feeling a little lightheaded, and looking at. At his arm might just be enough to make faint. A wimp. It was pathetic, but he’d never really broken the stupid habit. 

“We’ll rush this, Minato.”

“Please. As soon as you guys can.”

“Of course,” Sukui said. “Bye, Sasuke.”

“Bye, thank you,” he replied, pulling his arm away from the table, his eyes catching the makeshift bandaid before he rolled his sleeves down. Naruto’s sleeves. From the corner of his eye, he saw a white bag pushed towards him. 

“Eat.”

Sasuke turned. Kakashi. Still wearing the tuxedo and tie, although his hair wasn’t neatly combed anymore, like he’d been running his fingers through it, maybe pulling a little. He turned to look at the bag. “I’m not hungry,” he said. He was. A little. But he didn’t feel like eating. He’d eaten some popcorn, and earlier in the day, he had chicken nuggets. What happened to that burger? He couldn’t remember. Just another mistake to apologize for, making Mrs. Uzumaki waste her money like that. He sunk on the seat. Why couldn’t he stop fucking--

“Doesn’t matter. You can’t faint--” 

“I’m not going to faint.”

“You always faint,” Kakashi said. Which was not always true, but enough to excuse the exaggeration. Besides, Kakashi deserved to make whatever statements he wanted about him.

Mr. Uzumaki sat on the table. Sasuke was sure he was looking at him, but he was a coward and would not look up to confirm that theory. “We can’t do anything until you eat.”

It wasn’t fair, the way they were teaming up against him. But he deserved it. And life wasn’t fair, anyway. Biting back a sigh, he straighted up, pulling the take-out bag closer to him. “Thank you,” he said, because he’d been rude lately, and he needed to stop that. Being in the streets. Had. Well. It had provided some perspective on food, and how nice it was for Kakashi to have always made sure there was something to eat. 

It was a cheeseburger and fries and two chocolate chip cookies. Looking at it made him want to puke, but he was grateful; what did he know anyway? Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki said he needed to eat, and they weren’t in front of any observation room, but he had promised that he wouldn’t argue. Before. Before, everyone always said he was prettier with his mouth shut, anyway. It was weird, eating while both Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki were watching him, like he was a specimen under a microscope--he probably was. It hurt, a little, his stomach apparently having gotten used to not eating a lot over five days. But he managed. It was the least he could do. 

He was eyeing the second cookie, the last thing in the bag,  _ finally _ , when Kakashi sat up, and Sasuke took that as an invitation to push the bag away. “Is it really him?”

“I don’t know,” Kakashi replied. The adults looked at each other, like they could have a conversation without words, which was awfully convenient to keep him out of the loop.

It was fine. It’s not like his heart was hammering painfully against his chest because he still hadn’t come up with what to say to Itachi. Or to someone who was pretending to be Itachi. “Are we going to...go?”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded. “You remember our agreements?”

Sasuke stood up, nodding, letting Kakashi grab him by the shoulder and pull him closer. It seemed like today, people just had the need to grab him. It was fine. It didn’t matter. He had disappeared for a few days, so it made sense that people wanted to hold him, to keep him from leaving again or to convince themselves that he was there. It was fine. They followed Mr. Uzumaki downstairs, what must be the basement, where Sasuke had talked to that officer. Danzo. He knew from inside the room, the window looked like a mirror, but from outside, he could see a man with blond hair tied in a low ponytail, the hair disappearing underneath a red hood. The hair roots were decidedly black, though.

“Should we go in?”

Sasuke looked towards the source of the voice. A man. That. That looked a litle familiar, he was sure he’d met him before, but to him, most officers blended together. Sukui was next to him, behind the same trolley he’d seen. There was another officer next to her, wearing a grey cap. 

Minato nodded, and all three of them went inside the room. Sasuke turned back to the window, but the man never turned to face them, didn’t even move when the door opened. 

“Sir, if it is still alright with you.”

The audio really was. Crystal clear. Sasuke watched, unable to look away as the man, or Itachi, or a liar, turned towards them. He had long eyelashes, just like Itachi would have. 

“Of course.” The voice was slow and deliberate, but not unkind. Polite. 

“That’s my brother,” Sasuke heard himself say, because he might have blond hair, but he could recognize the voice; by the time Itachi was twelve, his voice had already dropped--another sign of his maturity and ability, according to everyone--and it. It was him. Kakashi’s hold tightened, and Sasuke didn’t miss the way that Mr. Uzumaki stepped to the side, a second later, grabbing his wrist. It was him. It  _ was _ . “I know--” 

“Our agreements, Sasuke.”

Sasuke bit down on his lower lip, to keep the bubbling swear words in. He. He had promised and. And he still didn’t want to disrespect Mr. Uzumaki, or Kakashi. Itachi sitting there, with only a fake window between them, was. Was. It could not be a reason that. That he cussed both adults out. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to pay attention, again. Now fully understanding when Mr. Uzumaki had mentioned that it wasn’t fair to make him agree before. Before this.

“Thank you,” the man...Itachi. That was weird. Itachi. Itachi was saying, as Sukui wrapped an elastic around his arm, too. “I take it my little brother did agree to get his blood drawn.” No one answered. But it didn’t seem to bother him, his expression still calmed, as he watched the needle go in.

Sasuke tried. He tried to compose himself, to keep his face blank. But hearing someone refer to him as a little brother did. It twisted his stomach and tightened his throat. Thankfully, by now, he had figured out how to keep his breathing even, despite each breath hurting. It wasn’t his fault. He had only been someone’s--Itachi’s--little brother for six years, two of which he didn’t remember because he was a baby, and the other four only hazy memories he’d worked hard to forget over the past years. By all accounts, logically, he was an only child, wasn’t even a real Uchiha, not really, belonging more to Kakashi than his parents. But. 

But. But. Itachi was there, and it was like he was five again, trying to get him to play with him, or teach him a song on the piano, or--

He turned when the door opened. The trolley the first thing that came out, followed by the other three. Sukui once again saying that she’d get back the results as soon as she could. Sasuke didn’t need lab results. That was his brother. 

Itachi was. Was looking directly at him. Logically, he couldn’t be looking at  _ him _ , because Sasuke had seen it himself, that on the other side, it was a mirror. Itachi could only really be looking at himself. But. 

“Mr. Uzumaki...” he trailed off, as Itachi raised his hand and. Waved. Smiled. Just like their mom used. “He’s my brother.”

Mr. Uzumaki was looking at him, a small frown on his face. But he didn’t speak. 

It was Kakashi who spoke. “We need to be sure, Sasuke. You can’t--” 

“ _ Then why did you bring me here _ ?” 

He got it. He’d been stupid. He’d run away. He’d told Naruto to fuck off. He’d said Mr. and Mrs. Uzumaki were annoying. He made Kakashi cried. But. But. Bringing him to observe his brother and not let him talk to him, not even let them meet face-to-face, was more than extreme. 

“I told you,” Mr. Uzumaki said, still holding his wrist. “He won’t talk to us.”

“So let me talk to him!” Sasuke said, wincing from the way Kakashi’s nails were digging into his shoulders. 

Mr. Uzumaki glanced over his shoulder, nodding at the two officers, who soon disappeared upstairs. “Our agreements, what are they?”

Sasuke swallowed a scream. They weren’t fair. Sure, Mr. Uzumaki had warned him that they weren’t, but. But. His brother was right there. 

“Sasuke.” That was Kakashi. A warning. That was. Kakashi was his real. But Itachi was sitting right  _ there _ . 

He took another breath. “I cannot go in the room without your explicit permission.” Wasn’t fair. “If I am allowed in the room...I won’t go in alone.” Not fair. “I’ll come out if someone tells me to.” Unfair. “I won’t argue.”

“And?” Mr. Uzumaki pressed softly.

Sasuke glared at the ground. “He’s my brother. How am I suppose to not  _ talk _ to him?”

Again, it was Kakashi who spoke. “If you can’t do that, then you’re not going in.”

Did he really deserve this? He’d been seeking punishment the entire day, which. Which. He did. He deserved punishment. He was still waiting for it, and who knew? Maybe the waiting was part of the punishmnet. But. But still. A beating seemed. It seemed a little more fair. He looked up when he heard footsteps, the original two officers now joined by four more. Did ‘not alone’ really mean joined by six officers, clearly carrying guns?

“It’s not fair.”

“No,” Mr. Uzumaki agreed, softly. It sounded sad. “I told you that it wasn’t. We’ll give you a few minutes to compose yourself.”

Kakashi let go of him. Compose himself? At least Mr. Uzumaki admitted that it wasn’t fair. He knew that if he didn’t follow the rules, they would just take him out. If he didn’t compose himself, he wouldn’t even make it inside. But he needed to. To at least look at Itachi in the eye. Although. If he wasn’t supposed to talk, did they really expect Itachi to carry a one-sided conversation? A confession? Was he getting drafted to incriminate his brother about something? How did his brother even find him? Mr. Uzumaki was right. He needed to compose himself. He trusted Itachi not to accidentally incriminate himself for. For anything. For nothing. His brother wasn’t a criminal. But. Anyway. Anyway, he wanted to find out things too. He could do this. 

Over the past months, he’d gotten politeness beaten into him. He could do this. He was prettier with his mouth shut, anyway. 

He glanced up, Kakashi’s hand on his shoulder a second later, the nails no longer digging into his skin. “I can behave, Mr. Uzumaki. I won’t say a word, I promise.”

“If you do--” 

“I’ll walk out myself,” Sasuke said, glancing inside the room. Itachi was still staring in...the mirror’s direction, the same calm expression. “I promise.”

A minute passed and then, Mr. Uzumaki nodded. The six officers went in first, then Mr. Uzumaki. Kakashi walked behind him, still holding him by the shoulder. And, oddly enough, when Sasuke stepped inside the room, he was...grateful to feel Kakashi’s hold. It centered him. Itachi was his brother. And. And he was glad to see him, wanted to ask him things, wanted to get to know him again, maybe better this time than when they were younger, but. But he belonged to Kakashi. 


	21. Chapter 21

He belonged to Kakashi, even more so, if Itachi took the company. 

His brother wasn’t shackled, but he didn’t move a muscle. Or at least Sasuke couldn’t spot anything. Looking at Itachi, he could now remember why he was always so bad at reading people’s faces. It was because Itachi’s was unreadeable, anything and everything covered by unstated politeness and calmness. 

Sasuke took a seat after Mr. Uzumaki pulled the chair for him. For the first time. First time seeing his brother’s face, only a week or so ago believing that he was dead. Until. Until. Until that ceiling. 

“When I said I would talk to my baby brother, I thought the ‘alone’ was implied,” Itachi said, but he didn’t sound angry, not even annoyed. He sounded just like he’d been stating a simple fact.

“No,” Mr. Uzumaki said. Sounding. Not angry, either. But if he’d talked to Sasuke like that, he would probably. Not pee his pants. But. But. Something like that, just slightly more dignified. “If that doesn’t work with you, he can leave.”

Sasuke watched Itachi, frustration starting to grip his chest because he couldn’t figure out what he was thinking, just like how it was when he was a kid, but hoping that he would cooperate. He needed to hear Itachi give. Give him some kind of explanation. Anything. At the very least, he needed to know if he’d take the company. Like their. Like. Like Itachi’s father intended.

At last, Itachi shook his head. “No, Mr. Namikaze. I understand, you’re looking out for my brother. It’s fine.”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. Mr. Namikaze?  _ Namikaze _ . That was. Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes met his. And. And. Sasuke schooled his features as much as he could, not wanting to give any reason for him to be kicked out of the room. Even. Even. If he kind of wanted to ask Mr. Uzumaki about that. He turned his attention back to his brother, trying to relax. Kakashi’s nails were digging into his shoulder again. Did he know? Did it matter? If Kakashi knew--it wasn’t like Sasuke had ever asked him about it. Until  _ today _ , he hadn’t even known why he took him in. 

“Great,” Mr. Na--Uzumaki.  _ Uzumaki _ . He was Naruto’s dad. Mr. Uzumaki. “Just to make things a little more awkward, he’s also not talking.”

Itachi’s gaze traveled down back to him, away from. From Mr. Uzumaki. “If only our father had listened to you so well,” he said. “I’m happy you got at least one Uchiha listening to you, Mr. Namikaze.”

It was Hatake. It was Mr. Uzumaki. But he bit those comments back. 

That man. That. He must not have been lying at all. If--Naruto’s dad--Mr. Uzumaki. Mr. Uzumaki. He had been the one who told his--his--Fugaku to listen to him. Why hadn’t his father listened? It wasn’t like Mr. Uzumaki was untrustworthy. Everyone could still be alive, if Fugaku had just listened to Naruto’s  _ dad _ . That was. He forced his jaw to relax. That was just another reason to always listen to Mr. Uzumaki. 

“Go ahead, then,” he said. “You wanted to speak with Sasuke.”

“I did,” Itachi said. For the first time, he shifted on the seat, turning to face him even more directly. Sasuke managed to. To stay put and keep his mouth shut, and keep his eyes steady, his breathing even. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to take over father’s company.”

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek. That. That. That was great. Although, if that meant Itachi didn’t have anyone for whom he cared about, it was a little sad. But. But. Sasuke was at least out of the woods with that one. Now, he could. Could focus on. On making amends. And. Maybe sleeping--

“Is he allowed to nod or shake his head?”

“No,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “But once we have proof you are who you say you are, we’ll talk about it again.”

It was like Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t talking. Itachi’s eyes were fixed on him. “You don’t recognize me?”

Not shaking and not nodding weren’t strictly part of the agreements, or the things he promised. But. But. Mr. Uzumaki could just take him out of the room. It was hard, to not react, to not move, not tell him that he did recognize him. How could he not, when he looked so much like their mom? When his eyes looked as cold as Mr. Uchiha’s? When he sounded just like he had ten years ago?

“Like I said,” Mr. Uzumaki said, once again his voice sounding like. Like Sasuke hadn’t heard before. “He’s not responding to you. If you can’t monologue, then he can leave. Why don’t you tell him how you’re still alive?”

Sasuke would have leaned forward, if Kakashi wasn’t holding him back. It was a good thing that he was though, because he wasn’t sure whether or not Mr. Uzumaki would tolerate  _ any _ kind of movement. 

“Alright,” Itachi said. “Is this on record or not? I guess it doesn’t matter. After mother’s murder, father was irrationally worried about me and Danzo Shimura suggested that--” 

“Who?”

“Danzo Shimura, Mr. Namikaze,” Itachi replied, still looking at Sasuke. 

The name probably meant more to Mr. Uzumaki than to Sasuke, but it still. Still. He’d met him. It was the guy with whom he talked. It was the guy who arrested Kakashi. He’d acted so mighty, but Sasuke hadn’t seen his face among the officers that were lined up against the wall behind them. 

“Can you describe him?”

“Why? You know him,” Itachi said, like it wasn’t worth the time. “Danzo took me. I lived under his care for about two years, and then I left. I guess our father was upset that I was lost because he installed cameras to watch over Sasuke, although, I’ve never thought he actually thought you’d run away, Sasuke. I could pass as someone in his early twenties, and as a college student, so I headed to the nearest college town and stayed there. Professor Kabuto Yakushi took me under his wing, and I started working with him. I’m a doctor now, Sasuke.”

Sasuke caught himself before he nodded. That. Was. Congratulations, he supposed. It wasn’t surprising. Itachi was always intelligent, had always been destined to greatness. That was one of the many reasons that Fugaku liked him best. 

“Kabuto Yakushi?”

“Yes.”

“No one wanted to write about an alleged twenty-two being a doctor?”

“I pretend I’m thirty-three, actually. It took me awhile to become a doctor.”

Who was stupid enough to believe that? Sure, Itachi had always looked a little older, and he didn’t exactly look twenty-two, but he didn’t look like he was in his thirties. Even Kakashi, in his early thirties, didn’t look like he was in his thirties. Even Naruto’s parents, who Sasuke was pretty sure were older than Kakashi, didn’t look old. 

“So you sneaked into a class and Admissions and Records just decided to take you?”

“No,” Itachi said. “I snuck into a class for about two weeks, took a test, and Prof. Yakushi wanted to know who had the highest test score. He let me worked for him until I could apply and be accepted. It’s all easily checked information, Mr. Namikaze.”

“I’m sure it is,” Mr. Uzumaki said, in that way that adults sometimes said things when they were only thinking of swear words. “Why don’t you tell Sasuke about what brought you here?”

Sasuke held his breath. Clearly, he wasn’t a part of the conversation because he couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, but if Mr. Uzumaki wanted him to be a broken puppet to get his brother to divulge his life story, then he could do that. Fugaku should have done that. And he was interested.

“Well,” Itachi said, for the first time his face changing into something that Sasuke couldn’t. Didn’t want to decipher. “I imagined it had something to do with our father dying, or being murdered. I wanted to check up on my little brother.”

“You can’t  _ imagine _ something that you did,” Mr. Uzumaki said. 

Itachi made a sound that sounded like a chuckle, a mocking one, but it couldn’t have been because Sasuke wasn’t even looking at Mr. Uzumaki and he could feel the anger pouring out of him so strongly that it was making him feel sick. “Forgive me, I did not study English.” But Itachi didn’t sound sorry at all. “So is Sasuke considered a flight risk now, or not, Kakashi? Did he manage to slip out, or did you just simply not care enough after father’s death?”

_ Was _ he considered a flight risk? Itachi made it sound like it was somehow Kakashi’s fault, like Sasuke hadn’t spent a few months climbing up and down Naruto’s window, like Kakashi hadn’t been exhausted after staying twenty-four hours in prison, like Sasuke hadn’t always being a quiet person, a light sleeper. He bit the inside of the cheek to keep the wince away from his face as Kakashi’s hold tightened just a little bit, making him think that Kakashi  _ did _ think that he was a flight risk. 

He probably was. He still had the urge to. To leave. But--but he couldn’t do that. He had wanted to do so to find his brother and now that Itachi had found him, any and all reasons to run away again were inappropiate and childish. He couldn’t do that to any of--

“Ah, you’re not talking either. I have to say, Mr. Namikaze, that is quite impressive, your persuasion skills have certainly improved, even if I don’t see any bruises on Kakashi. I hadn’t taken you as someone who’d beat a kid, even one who has been making rather foolish decisions lately--”

Sasuke glanced down. It hadn’t been Mr. Uzmaki who punched him and he couldn’t even tell what Itachi really meant by all of that because they both knew that he had always been the one who leaned more to...needing a more physical approach to discipline anyway. And if Itachi was angry, it was stupid, because he--Sasuke had deserved the punch. From anyone, really. It was just that Naruto took the shot. 

Personally, he thought more people needed to take other shots, too. 

“You--” 

Itachi stood up, “but I’ve always been a man of a few words myself and I think it’s best to wait until Sasuke is allowed to speak.”

“We’re not done, sir.”

Sasuke wasn’t sure how he was standing up, could be Kakashi or Mr. Uzumaki pulling him up, or it could have been himself, but it didn’t matter. Itachi was leaving and...and he hadn’t answered anything of importance, or at least anything important to him. How did Itachi know where he was? More importantly, why hadn’t he visited before? Why had Itachi waited until  _ after _ Sasuke fucked up everything by running away to--to try to find him? Why was he leaving  _ now _ ?

“I know. You’d like to keep me here, but I haven’t done anything wrong--” 

“We’re not done. Sir.”

“Oh, we are,” Itachi replied, like Mr. Uzumaki didn’t sound murderous. “Unless you would like to have someone shoot me, although,” he paused in front of Sasuke. Close. But too far away. “Wouldn’t that be ironic? You being the reason that Sasuke gets to watch his last blood relative die, right in front of his eyes. I’m sure someone who studied English could wax poetry about that.”

“ _ Leave _ .”

Itachi. Smiled. “See you later, little brother. Don’t do anymore foolish things. Just remember how proud our parents would be if they knew how much you listen to Mr. Uzumaki.”

Itachi walked out. And. And. Mr. Uzumaki nodded at the officers, and they walked after him. And--

“You can’t shoot him!” Sasuke said. Why couldn’t he shake off Kakashi? He needed to get his brother. Why did his brother leave? Couldn’t they just let him talk to him for a second? Say something? Anything? Why were they going to shoot him? He tried to shrug off the hold, but it was too tight, and Sasuke. It was Kakashi. He couldn’t. “Itachi didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, suddenly exhausted, feeling as Kakashi pulled him back, pulled him closer.

“They’re not going to shoot him, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, his hold no longer constricting, but still unrelenting. 

“They’re just going to make sure he leaves the station,” Mr. Uzumaki said, his tone more like Sasuke had grown accostumed to.

Although, now that he knew what Mr. Uzumaki sounded like when he was enraged, Sasuke never wanted to cross anyone in his family. Again. Maybe that’s why Itachi said that at the end. Or maybe, he was being sarcastic. Sasuke had always been too stupid to really understand him, anyway. And. And. 

And it didn’t matter whether his parents were proud or not. His parents were dead. And. And Sasuke was tired. It didn’t even matter if Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki were saying the truth--he hadn’t heard a gunshot, but even if he had, what could he do? He hadn’t even talked to his brother. Too tired to begin to work on making amends for living people and he didn’t have energy to think about dead people, even though he should because they were his parents and his brother, and--

“You did good today, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said.

“Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki,” he managed to reply. Like today hadn’t involved him refusing to eat food that Mrs. Uzumaki bought for him, considered running away from her, had been a complete asshole to Naruto, had said awful and untruthful things about he and his wife, had made Kakashi cry, made Naruto cry, abandoned everyone back home, and. And. And. Looked his brother in the eye and not spared him a single word. 

He really was a trooper. He glanced at Kakashi, who looked pale, probably needing to rest after the shit day Sasuke had put him through. “Can we go home?”

“In a little bit.”

He wanted to get out of the room. But it was fine. They wanted him to stay there and it was fine. He could be a good person and stay put. Not be a _flight_ _risk_. It wasn’t--he hadn’t. He’d been trying to keep people safe and find Itachi and it hadn’t been an easy decision. It’s not like the fancy just stroke him suddenly and he had the yearning to frolic in the streets.

But it didn’t matter. Itachi was there now and he wanted to take over the company, and Sasuke could stop worrying about that. He could instead. Instead worry about trying to get everyone to forgive him. For trying to find a brother that had already found him. He was such an idiot. 

“Sasuke!”

Why hadn’t Itachi found him beforehand? Why did he leave? He couldn’t tell which one of them said his name, but they were both looking at him, Kakashi apparently having let him go in favor of joining Mr. Uzumaki’s side. It kind of looked like they were waiting for something, but he was. He clearly hadn’t been listening. Why couldn’t. Couldn’t the day just. End. “Sorry. Yes?” 

Kakashi sighed, “Minato is picking you up in the morning tomorrow. You’re not to be by yourself.”

Like an idiot, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “He’s my brother, he’s not going to--” 

“We don’t know that,” Kakashi said. “Until we do, you are not to be by yourself. Understand?”

He wanted to scream. But he couldn’t. Not at Kakashi. “Yes, I understand, dad.”

“We’ll come back here tomorrow, okay?” Mr. Uzumaki said, looking more like himself than whatever...had been in here minutes ago. “Jugo and your other friend can come too, if you want.”

Sasuke nodded, although he wasn’t sure if he did want that. But entirely sure that even if it wasn’t, what really mattered is what Jugo and Suigetsu wanted. So. He’d asked them. “Can we go now?”

He couldn’t stop being a brat, could he? 

With a nod, Kakashi grabbed him by the right shoulder again, walking behind him as they made their way upstairs. Sasuke was vaguely aware that Mr. Uzumaki was behind Kakashi, and he was vaguely aware that his brother really had. Had left. 

“Sasuke!”

Naruto. He looked up, blinking when he spotted the blond hair, just like Mr. Uzumaki’s, and behind him were Suigetsu and Jugo. And. And Mrs. Uzumaki. 

“I told you guys he’d be here!” Naruto sounded proud. And pissed.

And Sasuke was too tired for any of this. When would the day end? He wasn’t even asking for his life to end, just. Just the day. Kakashi let him go just in time for Naruto to grab him, kissing his cheek, bringing out a tired smile. 

“What are you guys doing here?”

It could have been Kakashi asking that. It could have been Mr. Uzumaki. It could have, he supposed, been him as well. 

“Us?” Naruto asked, somehow handing him off to Suigetsu and Jugo. “You were the one who took Sasuke! Hours ago--” 

“I told you, I needed to talk to him.”

That had to be Mr. Uzumaki. Sasuke really couldn’t tell anymore, too busy leaning against Jugo. Had they seen Itachi? And if they did, could they tell that he was his brother? Did Itachi see them? If Itachi had known. Known that he’d run away, then he had to know more things too, and it wasn’t like Naruto wasn’t the identical copy of his dad. He wished he could have asked him how much he knew. But he couldn’t. And. And. Itachi had decided to leave. 

He even said that the only way to stop him from leaving was to kill him. 

Like. Like Sasuke didn’t have enough images cramped into his mind already.

“Are you really trying to tell us that you guys can’t see how tired he is and that you really thought it was a good idea to bring him here for...something, that’s--” 

“Don’t talk to your dad like that.”

That was decidedly Mrs. Uzumaki, even if Sasuke was decidedly not looking at her. Mostly, because he couldn’t think well enough to formulate a decent enough apology at the moment. 

“Hey, Sasuke,” Suigetsu said, pulling on his sleeve. “Did you know that blond hair was dominant over red?”

Sasuke was pretty sure he shook his head. He didn’t know that. He let Suigetsu pull him away from Jugo, an arm around his neck. Naruto was too busy...arguing with every adult in the general area to pay attention. Or maybe, while they were looking for him, they had come up with an agreement about who could hold him when. 

“You okay?” Suigetsu could be surprisingly quiet when he tried. 

Sasuke nodded, watching the scene unfolding in front of him. “Fine.”

“Sure?”

He nodded again. “Fine.”

“Sasuke? I don’t think your dad really had a date, if he did, he sure has some interesting kinks.”

He might have smiled, might have sighed. He would have preferred if Kakashi had slept with his therapist. Not that he had a say in the matter and it wasn’t any of his business, but if that had been the case, then at least Kakashi wouldn’t be arguing with Naruto right now. “Stop.”

“If you need to talk. Or leave, just tell us. Your boyfriend said he’d hold them back. Although, now I’m thinking maybe Jugo will need to help him out.”

Sasuke shook his head. Naruto wasn’t his boyfriend. Sasuke was his. “It’s fine.”

“Sasuke, let’s go,” Kakashi said, side-stepping Naruto. “Now.”

He would love to. But Suigetsu’s arm was difficult to shake off, and Jugo had taken a small step forward and Naruto looked like he was about to attack Kakashi. 

“Getsu, let go. I’m tired, I want to go home.”

“We can drive you--” 

“You’re not driving him. He is either driving with me, Minato, or Kushina.”

“HE’S NOT DRIVING WITH ANY OF YOU--” 

“Stop yelling!” That. Mrs. Uzumaki. 

Couldn’t he just. Please. Just sleep. Rest a little. He was so tired. He promised, tomorrow, he would submit to more consequences, without complaining. Really. He would. “Jugo.”

Jugo got it. Probably reading his mind. That was sad. Jugo shouldn’t have to see all the fucked up things in his mind. He’d apologize later. Jugo stepped aside, grabbing Suigetsu, and after a moment, he let him go. 

“I’ll see you guys later,” he told them. Kakashi was already waiting for him by the front door, even without looking, Sasuke could tell that he was  _ watching _ him. He needed to get over there fast. But he needed to at least. Try to calm Naruto a little. He grabbed him, Naruto letting him turn him away from his parents. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Don’t fight with them.” It’s not like he had any right to tell anyone what to do, but it was right for Naruto to be arguing--in his dad’s work place. 

“Are you going to be okay?”

Sasuke nodded. “I’m just tired.”

“I need to take my last finals tomorrow, but I’ll see you afterwards, okay?”

Sasuke nodded. “Don’t talk to your parents like that.”

“Fine. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Sasuke nodded, recognizing the look on Naruto’s face. It was okay. They could talk tomorrow. 

“Sasuke!”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. Kakashi still looked too pale. He turned quickly to...to Mr. Uzumaki. It wasn’t his fault, he hadn’t been prepared to face Mrs. Uzumaki right now. And. He got it. He shouldn’t be complaining. But. But whatever apology he mustered up, it would be terrible. He’d do it tomorrow. Or later today. He couldn’t tell anymore how close midnight was. It didn’t matter. He nodded in their general direction and then dragged his body over to Kakashi. 

They were in the car soon. And then in the house. He might have passed out. 

“You’re staying in my room, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “Suigetsu and Jugo are staying in yours.”

Sasuke nodded. The stairs were. Long. Tall? He stared at them. And. They were getting closer. And then farther. His feet were off the ground. “I can. Walk,” he said, once he realized that what he was staring at was Kakashi’s back. 

“I know,” Kakashi said, but his feet still weren’t on the ground. 

They made it to Kakashi’s bedroom. Sasuke knew this because Kakashi dropped him on the firm mattress. It didn’t hurt as much as it could have. “Where are you going to sleep?”

“On the floor,” Kakashi said. “Go to sleep, Sasuke. You’ve had a long day.”

Sasuke hunted for the pillow and threw it on the ground, in the general direction where Kakashi made the bed. “I can--” 

“No. Go to sleep, Sasuke.”

Sasuke closed his eyes. 

\------

Mr. Uzumaki was there in the morning. Sasuke had. Had sort of slept. He didn’t want to think about. It was fine. Now, it was morning. And. And. He still couldn’t do this, but he vaguely remember thinking that if yesterday could just end, then he would be fine today. And yesterday had ended. And.

He had to be fine today. 

“Are your friends coming?”

Sasuke nodded. “They took Urushi on a run, but they should be here soon. Kakashi’s in the kitchen, he said that he’d like to speak with you.”

“Of course,” Mr. Uzumaki said, grabbing him by the shoulder, walking him away from the front door. 

Kakashi was pouring the coffee into his traveling mug, but Sasuke knew that it was an adult talk, and he wasn’t one, he’d shown that he was barely a kid, and that. Anyway. He knew what Kakashi was telling him. In his defense, he had apologized for waking him up in the middle of the night screaming. With a sigh, he headed to the living room, sitting on the piano’s bench, his fingers hovering over the keys. 

Did Itachi still play? 

He shoved his hands in his pockets. In Naruto’s pockets, actually. The sweater had been too tempting after the shower. 

Sasuke only played because two years after leaving with Kakashi, the piano had showed up, and Kakashi had told him that his father wanted him to start practicing again. He still wasn’t very good, obviously, being a self-taught eight-year-old was difficult, but. But he had tried so hard. He couldn’t even remember why. 

There was a hand on his shoulder. Kakashi. “I’m leaving. I’ll see you once I get the grades in.”

He still looked so tired. Of course he did. It hadn’t been a fun night. “Have a good day,” Sasuke said, because he was an idiot. He watched him leave, turning his attention back to the piano. Maybe he should play something. Maybe he should stop trying to be an idiot.

“Sorry they’re taking so long,” he told Mr. Uzumaki when he came to join him at the bench. Sasuke scooted over, to make sure that he had enough space to be at least somewhat comfortable. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “I’m in no rush this morning.”

Sasuke nodded. He kept quiet for a long time, trying to gather his thoughts. Until he realized that the problem was that he had no thoughts. “Mr. Uzumaki, I’m sorry that Naruto started an argument with everyone yesterday. I hope it didn’t continue at your house.”

“It didn’t,” Mr. Uzmaki said. “Even if it had, it was not your fault.”

“Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.” Sasuke said. Another minute passed. He should play something for Mr. Uzumaki, if only to entertain him a little; of course, if he played, his ears might just bleed. “Mr. Uzumaki?”

“Yeah?”

“Did...” he swallowed, holding his breath. The white ceiling too close already after the night. But. “When I was. There. The man said that Fugaku could have listened to someone to prevent everyone from getting killed. He said a name and yesterday, Itachi called you that name, and...is it really your name? Namikaze?”

Minato rubbed his eyes. “You know, the very first time we met, you called me Mr. Uzumaki before I could introduce myself and at the time, I thought it was endearing. I still think so. I didn’t think that it would end up like this, but yes. Uzumaki is Kushina’s last name.”

“Oh.” Sasuke remembered that. He’d just assumed that...Naruto’s last name was his dad’s name. He was such an idiot. He’d known them for almost half a year and...he hadn’t realized that. He was pathetic. “Did you...did you really tell him then? Could my mom still be alive if he had just listened to--”

Sasuke heard the front door opening, a second later Urushi running into the living room, trailed by Jugo and Suigetsu. His questions were still burning his throat. 

“Oh, hi, Sasuke’s boyfriend’s dad,” Suigetsu said. Jugo jabbed him in the ribs. 

“Hi, Suigetsu,” Mr. Uzumaki said, apparantly not minding that Suigetsu was being an idiot. As usual. 

Sasuke should really tell him that if anything, he was Mr. Uzumaki’s son’s boyfriend.

Suigetsu grinned. “Obviously, you’re a cop. Naruto has a good sense of humor, so maybe he got it from you. Listen, my parents said I had to make good choices while I was visiting Sauce, but Jugo and I were talking and it would be hilarious if I sent them a picture from the back of a police cruiser.”

Sasuke would bet his life that Jugo had not agreed to that. 

“I’m not driving the cruiser today.”

“Mm,” Suigetsu scooted Sasuke with a hand, sitting on his other side. “How about inside of a cell?”

Mr. Uzumaki smiled. “No.”

“Oh, I get it. Sasuke’s boyfriend got his sense of humor from his mom--” 

“Suigetsu,” Sasuke said, not surprised when he only got his signature grin in return. He shook his head at him, before turning back to Mr. Uzumaki. “Did you?” 

Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes widened, glancing at Jugo and Suigetsu, his eyes pausing in the general of Urushi, even. “I--” 

“It’s okay, Mr. Uzumaki. I’ll just tell them everything you say, anyway.” Sasuke should even record the conversation because he wasn’t sure he could remember everything to repeat it to Naruto as dutifully as he would want. As if to prove a point, Jugo sat on the floor, Urushi quickly sitting on his lap, his tongue hanging out.

Sasuke missed him so much. 

“Okay.” He nodded, “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, Sasuke. It was a complicated situation--” 

“I know,” he snapped. Fuck. “Sorry. I didn’t mean. Sorry, please continue.”

“It’s okay. I don’t have to explain how complicated it was to you. I worked under Danzo at the time and in a few occasions, I met Fugaku. I shared that he could talk to the kidnappers, but many other experienced agents advised otherwise.”

Sasuke hadn’t really given much thought to the logistics of it all, obviously, because he couldn’t get past his mom’s murder, but--but he could be angry at Fugaku for not listening. Why hadn’t he listened? He should have. He should. His mom could have.

“Sasuke, it was--” 

“Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.” He shook his head, to clear his thoughts. “Or, Mr. Namikaze?” His cheeks flushed. Why had he been such an idiot for half a year? 

“It’s actually Minato, Sasuke--” 

“Or Sasuke’s boyfriend’s dad.”

Minato smiled. “Sure. Although, if you want me to pick, then stay with Mr. Uzumaki.” He stood up. “Are you guys ready to go? Did you guys have breakfast?”

They all nodded at the same time. Before leaving, Jugo gave Urushi his Kong, and Sasuke. It was fine. Suigetsu sat with him in the sedan’s backseat. Sasuke tried to open the door, not surprised when he realized the child locks were on. Maybe Mr. Uzumaki had figured out that between all three of them, Jugo was the only trustworthy enough to sit in the front. Sasuke wanted to tell him that he wouldn’t run, but. But he understood why he wasn’t trusted--even Itachi, without interacting with him for more than an hour, had called him a flight risk. 

He had thought they were going to that station, but Mr. Uzumaki drove them around town for four hours. Stopped at a coffee house and then took them to the beach--Suigetsu went crazy, there, and it was nice, watching him leap in the water like it wasn’t December, although, he supposed it wouldn’t be very cold for him. 

“Did I wake you guys up?” Sasuke asked, laying on the sand, on his side, staring at Jugo’s profile. Mr. Uzumaki was a few feet away, pretending he was asleep. 

“Yeah. Suigetsu wanted to check up, but I thought it best to let Kakashi be there for you.” 

No one should have been there for him. “Thanks. And. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Jugo said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Before he could stop himself, he started. “Itachi was there and I looked at him. I couldn’t talk to him, and he said that--he’s a doctor now, apparently. He pretends he’s in his early thirties and he said my parents would be proud if they knew how well I listened to Mr. Uzumaki; I think he implied that...Mr. Uzumaki was the one who punched me. I still can’t believe he was there. We weren’t ever close, he was always too busy, I mean, clearly, he had to be busy, I get that, but I could still recognize him, but I don’t know what...They won’t believe me that it is him and they’re waiting for lab results, but I don’t know what I’m going to do when they come out positive. I’m so tired.”

“I’m really glad I’m here for you right now,” Jugo said, after the silence dragged, but before Sasuke’s mind could really start torturing him. “Can I ask what you were dreaming about?”

Sasuke tried to, but eventually, he could only shake his head. 

“Do you want to talk about Itachi?”

“I recognized him, but I don’t know him. I never did, and,” he lowered his voice. “It’s not right. He’s my brother. I’ve mourned him. For years. Every single year, and he never showed up. I’m pretty sure he knew where I was because he said he only came after I ran away, so he must have known that I ran and when I did, and that means he could have contacted me beforehand, but he never did.  _ Why didn’t he _ ?”

“I don’t know,” Jugo said, softly. “But you should ask him that, once Mr. Uzumaki and Kakashi say it’s okay to talk with him. You deserve an answer.”

“I don’t know if I want an answer.”

“No, you wouldn’t. It sounds scary. You know that if you want, Suigetsu and I can be there.”

“Itachi won’t talk unless we’re alone,” Sasuke said. He didn’t know him, not at all, not even a single bit, but he knew that he wouldn’t talk unless they were alone, just like he knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he got some answers. “But thanks.” 

“Uncle Minato!”

Sasuke turned around, scrambling to sit up when he spotted Karin, running towards them. Or not towards them, but to Mr. Uzumaki, which made sense because that was his uncle because she was Naruto’s cousin, Naruto who was walking behind her.

“Who’s that?” Jugo whispered.

“Naruto’s cousin. Karin,” he said, shutting his mouth just in time before she made it into hearing range. 

Mr. Uzumaki was sitting up too, a wide, easy smile on his face. It was nice. Sasuke pried his eyes from the scene, fixing his attention on Naruto instead, who wasn’t walking towards his dad, was heading towards. Him. 

“How were they?” Sasuke asked once Naruto was sitting behind him, his arms wrapped around his waist after greeting Jugo.

“I think they went okay,” Naruto said. “I didn’t run out of time.”

Although, how okay could finals be after going to sleep so late? Sasuke kept that question to himself, not wanting to bring the possibility of failure into Naruto’s beliefs. He knew how much Naruto had slaved over Calculus, which he only really joined to make sure that he was safe. He could fail that class and...and it was all his fault. He hadn’t even helped him study because. Because he had decided to run away. Like an idiot. 

“That’s always a good sign,” Jugo commented, once again laying on the sand. 

“I think so too,” Naruto said. Sasuke could feel his chest vibrating from the soft chuckles. “Sorry Karin insisted on coming,” he started, his tone lower and more serious. “I couldn’t say no to her. Sakura left on her family vacation right after the last final, and she was sad, and she heard me say that I was meeting some friends here. And my dad. She mostly just came for my dad.”

Sasuke could see that. Karin had given a slight wave in their general direction, but otherwise, had continued to talk, clearly excited, with Mr. Uzumaki. Sasuke appreciated that because maybe that way, Mr. Uzumaki’s attention wouldn’t be fully on them. “It’s fine.”

“And Kakashi said he was coming after he finished grading everything.”

Sasuke nodded, watching Suigetsu lay just out of the tide’s range. “It was your idea?”

“Kind of,” Naruto said. Jugo stood up and headed over to Suigetsu; maybe he could read Naruto’s mind, too. “Dad asked for suggestions about what he could do with you guys and well, I imagined that you really would just prefer to stay home, but...but you said you liked coming here on our first date. I didn’t tell dad that, obviously, but I hoped that it would...relax you a little, at least. Plus, Suigetsu was saying yesterday that he wanted to be a fisherman.”

He did want to be a fisherman, although Sasuke was pretty sure that he actually wanted to talk to sharks, but had finally settled down to be a fisherman. “It is nice,” Sasuke said. 

“Do you want to walk for a bit?”

Instead of replying, Sasuke stood up, helping Naruto up, too. 

“Don’t go too far.”

“We know, dad,” Naruto said. He didn’t say a word, and Sasuke didn’t either, until they were definietly away from earshot. “How you sleep?”

They had come around this time too, but it had been considerably warmer back then, the water fight that one of them started--Sasuke couldn’t remember which one had pushed the other one into the water and which one had pulled the other one in--ending with the sun drying them. Sasuke remembered thinking how Naruto’s eyes were still bluer than the ocean, than the sky. He remembered shoving his face on the sand to hide that particularly blush, and pretending that he jsut wanted to tan his back. As if his skin did anything other than get scorched. 

The next time they came, they had brought Urushi, Sasuke letting him off leash because there were no squirrels and chuckling while Naruto tried to outrun his dog and failing miserably. 

“Sasuke?”

It wasn’t right to burden Naruto like this, but he knew, from experience, that Naruto would make his own theories about everything if he wasn’t given something. “I couldn’t. I woke Kakashi up.”

“Nightmares?’

Sasuke nodded, feeling his throat...again. “I couldn’t stop seeing everyone dying. Not even the way they died. I mean, my family, not you guys. I don’t know how you guys will die, I don’t what to know how you guys are going to die, obviously, I’m not...but they were all hanging from that white ceiling and falling and I couldn’t do. Anything.”

Naruto reached out to push his bangs out of his eyes. “You were six, Sasuke. You couldn’t have done anything.”

He could have died with them. “I couldn’t do anything to save you guys either. I could feel Kakashi’s dead body on me, and yours. And everyone, and I couldn’t even look at you guys, I just kept staring at that white ceiling, like I was. Like before. My mom’s murderer was right there with his stupid hand,” his voice cracked. No. No. No. “And I didn’t do anything. I just laid there, I didn’t do anything until he was already dead, until he couldn’t feel the punch anymore, until he couldn’t tell me why. He ruined my life and I didn’t do anything, he was right there, and I couldn’t--not in the nightmares, not in real life, I just laid there. Not. Not. He was...” he covered his face with his hand, the one that wasn’t holding onto something. Fisting Naruto’s shirt.

Naruto pulled him closer, pulling the oversized hood over his head. It was a small gesture. But. But Sasuke appreciated the privacy and darkness it afforded him, even if he was getting Naruto’s shirt wet. 


	22. Chapter 22

“Are you ready for bed?”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t. But Naruto had begun looking tired throughout the day. And it was late. By all accounts, it was time to sleep, even though. He would rather stab out his eyes; his vision had begun to get blurry, anyway, so his eyes were pretty useless. Not that different from the rest. Of him. He followed Naruto out the bathroom, “are you sure it’s okay?”

Naruto held his waist, “obviously. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Sasuke let him push him onto the bed, “your mom’s downstairs and I haven’t...apologized to her yet. I tried apologizing to your dad when we were driving, but he said we should wait until Mrs. Uzumaki could be there too.”

He’d heard the Uzumakis talking downstairs, but he was upstairs already, watching Naruto play a computer game, he didn’t know what it was, but the graphics were impressive, and he’d been too much of a coward to head back downstairs. But since then, he hadn’t heard anyone coming up the stairs, and Naruto had stopped playing, had dragged him into the bathroom while he took a shower because he liked him, but he wasn’t an idiot, and he’d promised Kakashi that he wouldn’t let him run away again, and Naruto intended to keep that promise.

The familiar and persistent. Supervision was...nothing he ever wanted from Naruto, but he understood, so he kept those thoughts to himself, pressed down as far away from the surface as he could. He wouldn’t even be surprised if the cameras were replaced with new ones, just so Kakashi and the Uzumakis could keep an eye on him. 

It was understandable.

He messed up.

Becoming a mistrustful flight risk, as his brother had so nicely stated, was just a consequence to his own actions. 

“I told you, the apology is for my own benefit, not theirs,” Naruto said, pulling him down. 

Sasuke turned on his side. “It’s not just your benefit. I was rude, and I shouldn’t have been, but I was.” Because he was an asshole, but he kept those words to himself. “I’m just--do you think I should--should wait until tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Wait until tomorrow, okay? In the meantime, try to get some sleep.” Naruto reached over his chest, and took Sasuke’s phone from his side of the bed. Sasuke couldn’t see, but he figured he’d place it on the nightstand on Naruto’s side. Sasuke would have said something, but if Naruto wanted to keep his phone, it wasn’t his palce to argue. “Turn around.”

Sasuke did, feeling the familiar arm around his waist, pulling him closer. “Are you sure about this?”

“For the last--” 

“It’s not that,” Sasuke said. It was partly that, but Naruto said it was fine and he had to listened to him. He. He knew his parents best. “It’s just,” he pulled his knees up to his chest, convincing himself that he wasn’t trapping Naruto’s hand there. “I didn’t let Kakashi sleep last night. I was just. I don’t want you to be sleep deprived too.”

“Sasuke, tomorrow it’s the first day of Winter Break. Even if you weren’t here, believe me, I never sleep during these times, anyway. I tend to stay up later playing video games, or watching videos online.” He kissed his neck. “Just try to relax, okay? Just try to sleep a little.”

“I took a long nap,” he pointed out. “You were there--” 

“It was barely two hours,” Naruto kissed his neck again, leaving the skin tingling, as it usually did. “You can’t survive off of two hours.”

“I’ve never been someone who sleeps a lot,” Sasuke replied, although he couldn’t deny that he was tired. But it was fine. Being awake was better than being. Not awake. “It’s--” 

“Doesn’t mean you should be trying to survive off of two hours each day. Sleep deprivation can lead to a...plethora of health problems and--” 

“Sakura would be so proud of you using SAT words in daily life,” Sasuke mumbled. “After the hours we both sat with you trying to practice...I think we should record the moment, just so that she can be part of it too.”

“You can record it tomorrow, I’ll still remember the definition. But you need to sleep now--” 

He couldn’t. “Why are  _ you _ so tired?”

Naruto kissed his shoulder, trailing kisses until they were millimeters away from his lips. “You need to sleep, Sasuke.”

Sasuke closed his eyes. “That’s not what I asked.”

“I’ve been staying up late studying for finals, but I can’t sleep unless I know you are too, so can you try?”

Sasuke did the best to do so. But he must have tossed and turned a thousand times. He snapped awake, clammy and disgusted, before a pale hand could. Could. Why couldn’t he stop? He shook his head, rubbing his eyes. “Naruto?” He called out, once he realized that the space was empty beside him. “Naruto?”

Was he still asleep? He slapped himself. It stung. Awake? He crawled out of the bed, almost landing on the floor, scrambling to turn the light on. The bedroom was empty. He rushed to the bathroom, but with the light on, it was empty too. The lights on the hallway were off, and normally, he wouldn’t have stepped out, but Naruto--he’d promised that he would keep an eye on him, so not being  _ there _ couldn’t possibly be a way to keep an eye on him. And he knew how important it was for Naruto to keep a promise.

That really only meant that Naruto had left...not on purpose. Or he might have just gotten up to get water, or a snack, it wouldn’t be the first time he did that. Sasuke rushed downstairs, but the lights were off, and when he turned them on, the kitchen was empty, and so was the living room, the downstairs bathroom, maybe in the backyard, where in the world--

“Sasuke. Is everything okay?”

He turned around, coming face-to-face with Mr. Uzumaki, wearing blue and white stripped pajamas. He looked so different than how he looked at the station, even the way he looked at the beach. He looked...asleep. Which made sense because it couldn’t be early enough for his son’s boyfriend to be running downstairs. 

“I--I,” he said, willing his mind to work. He didn’t want to get Naruto in trouble, although if he was being honest, he wasn’t entirely sure Naruto had ever been in any real trouble, not the kind Sasuke himself was familiar with, which was a good thing because normal people didn’t need to be in trouble like that; and if this was going to be the first time, he didn’t want to be the reason for it. So he could keep his mouth shut. Why would he even want to rat his boyfriend out? That didn’t make sense. What kind of boyfriend would do that? He really was an asshole. 

But. But on the other hand, Naruto was gone and missing. And. And. He got it. He. He had done the exact same thing to him, but. 

But Naruto wasn’t the vindictive type.

It wasn’t like he would have run away to prove a point, to make him feel the same kind of desperation that must have clawed at Naruto’s chest too. For five whole days. Before Mrs. Uzumaki had found him, taken him back, to whom Sasuke had not apologized, hadn’t even looked at when they were all back at the station.

“Sasuke?”

He looked away, his mind unhelpfully bringing up the memory of Mr. Uzumaki talking. Like that. He didn’t sound like that now, but he couldn’t understand how Itachi could have just. Just waved him off. Sasuke couldn’t. Not even if it made him the worse boyfriend in the world. He rubbed his eyes. “I’m--I’m. Just looking. For Naruto,” he said. “I can’t find him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I woke up.” Sasuke rubbed his eyes. Again. The horror settling against his chest and stomach as he figured out that it probably wasn’t him running around the house like a madman that woke Mr. Uzumaki up. It was probably the uninhibited screams. He could still remember what he was dreaming. And. But even if he had not, his raw throat was indication enough. “And he wasn’t there. I can’t find him.”

“Go sit at the dining table, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said, heading towards the kitchen.

Sasuke did as he was told, soon sitting down. He knew that from there, Mr. Uzumaki could keep an eye on him, which was fine, it was understandable, even if Sasuke wasn’t planning on leaving now, and even though Mr. Uzumaki was the reason that he couldn’t just talk to his brother. To get answers. He needed so many answers that he couldn’t even begin to formulate any questions. But he needed something from his brother, anything, just. Just something.

Something that could just make sense. Itachi could have prevented him from running away if he had just showed a week earlier. 

He figured that other people would want to know why he was suddenly interested in the company, or why he suddenly showed up, but. Those answers were for him. Maybe Kakashi. But. Anyway, it didn’t matter why he wanted the company, it only mattered that as smart as Itachi was, he was apparently stupid enough to want it. After seeing what the company did to their family, only an idiot could possibly want anything to do with it. 

That’s why Sasuke had run. Even if everyone around him considered him a flight risk, a runaway. An emotional, impractical idiot who couldn’t think straight. There had been a reason. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t think of a reason for Naruto to have run away too. 

Mr. Uzumaki was talking to someone on the phone and by all accounts, he should be listening into the conversation, but Sasuke was raised correctly, properly. By someone. He couldn’t tell anymore. Kakashi. It had been Kakashi. 

Maybe Naruto had just stepped out for a second to catch a break from the crying and screaming. There must have had to be some kind of. Sounds. Coming out of him. Maybe he should just cut to the chase and start sleeping with a gag. He should ask Naruto to buy it for Christmas. If he ever showed up again. It had to be something convoluted, for him to say that it was fine to sleep over at his house and then  _ leave _ . He got up, figuring he could at least call him and ask--

“Sasuke. Sit down.”

He did, glancing at the kitchen. Mr. Uzumaki was staring at him, clutching the phone, presumably listening to someone on the other line. Sasuke dropped his eyes. Only looking up when he heard footsteps coming downstairs, Mrs. Uzumaki soon walking into the dining room area, wearing a shawl over her pajamas. That. That matched with Mr. Uzumaki’s. She pulled the chair next to him, a few moments before taking a seat. She set her hand on his forearm, smiling softly at him when he looked at her.

Sasuke managed to return the smile. Partly. A little. Out of politeness. He knew he needed to apologize, but not at the moment, not while they were worried about his son, not while Sasuke was worried about him. An apology from him would be worthless at the moment, and if she accepted it, there would be no real forgiveness, and it would just further proof that he was an emotionally manipulative person. They were worried about Naruto.  _ He _ was. Was worried, too. Sleeping on the streets was cold and lonely and dangerous, starving was not something anyone should go through, and--

“You want to move to the couch?”

The couch was close and more comfortable, but Sasuke wasn’t sure Mr. Uzumaki could see him from the kitchen if he did that. He shook his head, letting his eyes remain on the table, the smooth wood nothing like. Anything above him. Anyway. “No, thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki. I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Mrs. Uzumaki squeezed his arm. “I’ll bring you some tea,” she said standing up.

“No, Mrs. Uzumaki, I’m...” he trailed off because she was gone already. 

What an asshole, here he was having woken them up at an ungodly hour, and they were worried about their son, and he still forced her to make him some tea. He couldn’t sink any lower, could he? He rubbed his eyes, before crossing his arms on the table and resting his head on them, facing away from the kitchen. He was tired. And worried. But. Like an idiot, he didn’t know what to do. He should have called Naruto before waking his parents up. He was an idiot. 

He drank the chamoille tea that Mrs. Uzumaki placed in front of him, scorching his tongue before scalding his throat. It was fine. It was better than dropping it over his head, wasn’t it? If only he wasn’t such a coward. The cup was half-finished when he set it down on the table for the first time, going back to keeping his attention on the backyard, away from the kitchen, he was. Was encroaching already. And. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t here by staring at the backyard, watching it become more illuminated with each passing hour. 

“Where were you?” He couldn’t tell who said that, sounding like both Mr. Uzumaki and Mrs. Uzumaki in perfect unison. 

The front door closed. There was still time for him to pour it over his head, although over the hours, the tea had become incomphrehensible cold. 

“Oh. Just,” Naruto’s voice carried down the hallway. “Just driving around.”

“At three in the morning?” That had to be Mr. Uzumaki.

Naruto walked into Sasuke’s vision range. He was still wearing his pajamas, his frog hat. His parents followed him, and. And. Sasuke realized. He should have. Just. Kept quiet. He hadn’t seen either one so angry. But Naruto just took a seat next to him, setting his hand on his lap, hidden from view by the table. 

“Ino threw a party and some of them needed a designated, sober driver. I was being responsible,” he said. “I didn’t think that anyone would appreciate a bunch of high school kids dying from a drunk driving accident.”

“Ino’s parents let her throw a party with alcohol?”

“No, dad,” Naruto said. “They went to visit her grandparents. I’m pretty sure we’ve gone over this, high school kids don’t throw parties with alcohol unless their parents are out of town and they know someone old enough to buy it for them.”

Sasuke couldn’t believe that Naruto had just insinuated to his dad, a  _ cop _ , that some of his underage friends knew people who would buy them alcohol, breaking the law. But. But. What did he know? Nothing. He was pretty sure he’d broken the law by running. Away, too.

“I guess that’s a good reason both of us are never out of town at the same time.”

“It is,” Naruto said. “Am I losing car privileges?”

There was a pause. Sasuke kept staring down wishing he could just. Disappear. 

“We’ll talk about it later,” Mrs. Uzumaki said. “You two just head upstairs. Get some sleep.”

With a squeeze on his leg, Naruto stood up and Sasuke followed him up the stairs. Although he could think of a hundred things that he would rather do than try to get some sleep. He had tried, and Naruto had left, and. And. He didn’t want to try again. He couldn’t. 

“Sorry,” Naruto said, once the bedroom door was closed. 

Naruto turned the light off, although the sun’s faint rays were. Were already peeking through the curtains. Sasuke pushed him to the bed, where he should have been like. Like he was a hypocrite, having done the exact same thing, without even thinking about how. He couldn’t remember if he had even apologized to Naruto. “It’s fine. I’m sorry I woke your parents up.” He should apologize to them too about that. 

It seemed that every time he was awake. Living. He couldn’t stop adding things to his list of reasons to apologize. 

“It’s okay. I should have figured. You were sleeping fine before I left, so I thought it would be okay. Sorry you had to wake up like that, I was really hoping I’d make it back before you woke up.”

Sasuke propped himself up by the elbows, watching Naruto get in bed too, although he kicked half of the blankets to the ground. Like he was kicking something besides blankets. He could understand, he had a habit of punching walls. He looked down at his hand, still bandaged from yesterday. Or two days ago. He couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter. “Are you going to get in trouble?”

“No.”

Sasuke wanted to believe him. Mostly, for his own benefit. Because he was just that kind of a person. “Are you sure?”

Naruto was staring at his ceiling, a hand trailing across Sasuke’s chest, until it sneaked up to his neck and over his mouth. Naruto turned to face him, the hand pressed firmly against his mouth, although Sasuke wasn’t pulling back. He had. He had just been thinking about a gag, an hour or two ago, hadn’t he? It was fine. It was. 

Naruto’s eyes flickered over to the door, before looking back at him. “Don’t freak out, okay?” He said, pushing Sasuke down onto his back and straddling his hips, the hand still over his mouth. 

It wasn’t like Naruto had never straddled him, or Sasuke had never straddled him. But. Covering his mouth was new and. It. It was fine. At least Naruto’s head was covering the ceiling. This was not. Was not exactly what he’d expected, although he had just gotten him in trouble. Anger was understandable. And if this was retribution then. It was fine. It was. Naruto had given him so much already, Sasuke could. Could give him. This. He would have done so, too, without. But if Naruto wanted to. Do. Who was he to really argue? He nodded.

“I--I, uh,” Naruto said, lowering his voice, grabbing Sasuke’s wrists with a small frown on his face. It was fine. Naruto’s ceiling was better than. That white one. And it was  _ Naruto _ . It was fine. It wasn’t like Sasuke was saving himself for anyone, or anything, special, and if he had been, it would have been for Naruto. It was fine. “Ino didn’t have a party and people weren’t drunk. I went to...meet Itachi.”

Itachi? How did he even find him? That. Why wouldn’t Naruto take him with him to see his own brother? He tried to sit up, but Naruto’s hold was too firm and he was too tired. He managed to get one hand free moving to take Naruto’s hand off his mouth so he could just ask some reasonable questions like--

“If you don’t settle down, I’m not telling you anything,” Naruto whispered. “You agreed that you wouldn’t freak out and I want to tell you. It’s your right to know, of course, but I can’t have my parents coming in right now. They’ll freak. They’ll freak some more if they found out where I was, and then I really am going to be in trouble. I guess, I should, but I don’t want to. Okay?”

Sasuke wanted to glare, but. It was Naruto. And. And what he said made sense. And he sounded willing to tell him. And he was too tired, anyway, Naruto’s weight pressing him down against the bed, not quite like between a rock and a hard place, but close. He nodded. Again. 

“Can you keep quiet until I finish?”

There was a lot of nodding involved. A second later, the hand was gone and Naruto was on his side again, before turning on his back. Sasuke wiped his hands off on his pants. He couldn’t believe he had just thought that Naruto was going to. Which, it wouldn’t be true anyway because. It was only that if it wasn’t consensual. And it would have been. Their whole relationship had been built on agreements. Naruto wouldn’t. It was fine. It would have been fine. Even if it hadn’t. Anyway. He rubbed his eyes, pulling the pillow closer to him, as he simultanously scooted closer to Naruto.

“Are you--” 

“You just agreed to keep quiet.”

He had. “You haven’t even started.”

Naruto sighed, turning his face away from him, in the direction of the balcony. “Your phone started vibrating. It was an unknown number and I was curious. I shouldn’t have, I know. I tried not to. Rejected the first call, but then it happened again, and I. It was a man. He said an address and said that your brother was there, and he’d like to talk to you in private. In my defense, someone could have been lying--” 

“So you--” 

“Be quiet. I’m not done,” Naruto said. 

Naruto was such an idiot, he could have gotten himself  _ killed _ . Who even listened to strange men talking on the phone? Granted--well, he would have gone too, but that was besides the point. “You could--” 

“Do you want my hand over your mouth again, or do you just want me to stop talking?”

“You could have died!” Sasuke shouldn’t have been surprised the hand was on his mouth again, but the speed was surprising. 

“Seriously, Sasuke,” Naruto said, his voice soft. “The walls are thin. I know it was stupid, but you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t have done the exact same thing. Because you did it, for five days, you were gone, the only difference is that you never found Itachi. I know it was stupid, really, I know. But you need to keep your voice low, my parents aren’t going to be too happy if they ever find out about this. I didn’t have time to have a backup plan, okay?” 

Sasuke pulled back, “it was stupid. Your dad--” 

“My dad is never letting Itachi near you if he finds out that he wanted to speak with you at two in the morning, okay? So, my dad doesn’t need to know. And neither does my mom, okay? You have the right to be as angry as you want with me; I get it, an invasion of privacy, but I’m just letting you know, my dad isn’t going to let Itachi see you.”

“He can’t--” 

“Maybe not him. But Kakashi could, okay? Will you just let me finish?” 

Kakashi could. Would. Sasuke was. Not. Not entirely sure he’d argue with him. He couldn’t, not after everything he had put Kakashi through. “Why did you go?”

Naruto sighed. “You would have done the exact same thing, as I said,” he took a deep breath. “I told you. I was curious.” He waited for a moment, probably checking that Sauske wouldn’t say anything again and a minute passed, silence crawling around them. “I went. It was a motel room. He was there with another guy, tall, shark tattoo peeking out his shirt’s collar. Tall guy. Your brother is fairly tall too.” He licked his lips, “he was surprised to see me, and he said something about everyone in the area being flight risks, but he invited me inside, anyway. He offered to make tea, but obviously, I said no. I’m not  _ that _ much of an idiot. And I’ve seen and heard enough crime shows to know that you shouldn’t ever drink anything from a stranger. Anyway, he said that he’d been keeping an eye on you since he found out you were alive, before he left Danzo’s care. I asked him why he hadn’t talked to you before, and he said it was because he wanted to keep you safe. He looked serious too. He said he even liked Kakashi--” 

“Stop.” Sasuke hadn’t realized he said it until Naruto’s voice died down. “I--I can’t hear this from you. I can’t believe that you went to talk to him without telling me. I could have gone with--” 

“You really think you should be walking into and showing up to a room that someone told you to go to? Seriously?”

“That’s exactly what you did! And it wasn’t anyone. It was my brother.” It didn’t make sense. Why did Itachi talk to Naruto? If he had called him, then he must have wanted to talk to him. Naruto  _ robbed _ him of the opportunity to see his brother again. He couldn’t. He sat up. 

“Sasuke--” 

“Stop.”

“I thought someone was trying to kidnap you. I didn’t think I really would be talking to your brother. If I had, I wouldn’t have gone, I wouldn’t have taken this from you--” 

“Then why the fuck did you stay and listen to him?” The fact that Naruto  _ understood _ somehow, made it worse. He should get over it. It wasn’t his place to be angry. But. 

“Weren’t you listening? To make sure no one kidnapped you. Or tried to--” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes, unclenching his fists, not remembering when they tightened, but not caring, either way. After a moment, he managed to lay down again. “So they could have kidnapped you instead?”

“I...” Naruto turned away. “I wasn’t thinking that much ahead.”

“You’re such an  _ idiot _ .” Sasuke sighed, turning on his side, facing away from Naruto. He wanted to call him other names, had a scream halfway up to his throat, but. But deep down, he knew, it had been from a place of caring and Sasuke was just too selfish to understand that. 

But. 

Itachi had. Had given Naruto, Mr. Uzumaki’s  _ son _ , an explanation about, apparently, everything, had given him the explanation that he couldn’t have spared him. Naruto was identical to his dad, so Itachi must have realized they were at least related, and must have realized that by all accounts, Mr. Uzumaki would find out. Which. Really meant that Itachi must not have cared at all that Mr. Uzumaki was there. He just. Just hadn’t wanted to explain anything to Sasuke. It--it didn’t make sense. 

Or it did, and he just didn’t want to admit it.

Itachi had always been cold towards him.

But nice to everyone else. 

And Naruto--it was easy for people to be nice to him. 

He moved to the edge of the bed, his body balancing by a thread. If he just passed out, he would fall over, and if he was lucky, he could hit his head on the bedside table. If he was really lucky, he could forget everything. Or just die. It wouldn’t have mattered. It didn’t matter. Naruto knew more about his own life than he did at this point, and it made sense, Sasuke had no right to be angry about anything. But. He still was. He must be just rotten inside. 

“I’m sorry.” The words felt far away. “I shouldn’t have. I don’t think you should have either, should have gone, but I shouldn’t have. I’m--” 

It didn’t matter. “Don’t.” He swallowed. Something. It didn’t matter what. It was fine. Whatever it was, it should stay buried inside, not. Not out in the open, burdening Naruto, making him feel worse for being stupid enough to risk his own life so Sasuke wouldn’t get kidnapped. Again. “You were stupid, but it doesn’t matter. I’m glad Itachi talked to you--” 

Naruto huffed. “If you’re so glad, why are you so far away?”

Sasuke was too tired to do anything other than to scoot back towards Naruto, closing his eyes just as the familiar hold pulled them impossibly close. He opened his eyes when. 

Anyway. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his brain’s fault. Naruto had just turned him onto his back, drapping a leg over his chest, clearly asleep, clearly passed out because he had been running around finding. It was fine. He couldn’t turn on his side again, not unless he wanted to risk waking him up, which. Which he didn’t. But the ceiling was staring at him too. And he couldn’t do that. He turned his head away, staring at the bathroom door. 

Itachi didn’t want to give him answers and. It was fine. But he couldn’t help but wish that Mr. Uzumaki hadn’t shot that. Him. He had. His mom was dead, but. He had been the only one who had even...he was the first one that mentioned that Itachi was probably alive, was the first one who made it clear what would happen if Sasuke were to take over the company. 

Sasuke just wished he had gotten more answers. Even if he had to. Anyway. Nothing happened. It wasn’t like he was saving himself for someone special. Anyway.

He said that no one could find Itachi. Yet. Itachi not only seemed to know where he was, but apparently had his phone number, apparently was comfortable enough to invite his boyfriend inside a motel room. 

“You need to sleep, Sasuke.”

He turned to look at Naruto, the leg and arm still on him, but his eyes wide open, staring at him. “Why? So you can run to Itachi again?” It wasn’t possessiveness. It was. Was something else. And if it was possessiveness, he couldn’t decide who he really was jealous off. 

But either way, possessiveness was not an attractive quality. There was nothing to possess anyway. If anything, he was Itachi’s little brother and Naruto’s boyfriend, not the other way around. 

Naruto sighed, “no. Because you need to rest.”

“You say that,” he said, facing the bathroom again. He should. Should stop. “And yet, last time I felt asleep on your bed, you left. A few hours ago, in fact.”

“Look at me.”

All the Uzumakis were so demanding. But. But. It made sense. They wouldn’t have to be, if he could make good choices. Naruto had probably only gone because he’d been too scared of what Sasuke would have done if given the choice. He turned to face him again. “What?”

“It doesn’t matter where you sleep, it matters that you get some sleep. You look like you could fall over at any second. If you want, I’ll walk you back to your house so you can sleep there. Don’t get me wrong,” he hurried, like Sasuke had said all the things he had on the tip of his tongue, “I want you here. I do. And I’m sorry that I left, I really shouldn’t have. But if you can’t sleep here, then we need to find a place--” 

“Stop.” Sasuke said. He was being childish. And he should stop. “It’s fine. I wasn’t. I didn’t. It’s fine. I get cranky when I’m tired,” he said, stupidly, like Naruto didn’t know that already. “But I’m more hungry than tired.” He wasn’t. He hadn’t been hungry, his stomach apparently couldn’t get pass the nausea that hit him everytime he so much as looked at food. But forcing something down his throat was better than closing his eyes and. “Can we get something to eat?”

Naruto kissed his shoulder and sat up. Sasuke followed him downstairs. 


	23. Chapter 23

Itachi was sitting in that room again. Still staring at the mirror, directly into Sasuke’s eyes even if it didn’t  _ make sense _ . There was no way Itachi could see him. And yet. Nothing he had done made sense. Itachi shouldn’t have been able to call his phone either, but he had, and he had gotten Naruto to go there. And now, Mr. Uzumaki was watching Itachi too and Sasuke had no idea how he could stop him from mentioning that. He didn’t want to imagine what Mr. Uzumaki would do when he found out that Naruto had left the house in the middle of the night to meet a man with whom Sasuke hadn’t even been allowed to talk in a room overflowing with officers.

“He won’t talk here, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said. It was true, he was sure. Regardless of whether or not Mr. Uzumaki and Kakashi had the lab results back, he was sure his brother wouldn’t say anything important. “He knows the room is bugged.”

Mr. Uzumaki turned him so they were staring at each other. “You can go in by yourself. We’ll be out here, if we need to go in, okay?”

“Mr. Uzumaki, I can’t.” He wanted to. But Itachi could rat Naruto out, and. And that wasn’t okay. “Don’t--” 

“You wanted to talk to him two days ago, kiddo,” Mr. Uzumaki pointed out, rather reasonably. “What changed?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled, glancing towards his brother again. He looked so calmed. Like he hadn’t stayed up late too, talking to Naruto. “But he won’t talk if he knows you’re here, if anyone is watching, and--” 

“It’s just something we have to work with, okay? It’s the safest place to talk with him, Sasuke.”

Sasuke knew that Mr. Uzumaki could be scary, no matter the sweet disposition that was part of him most of the time, and he didn’t. He didn’t want to get Naruto in trouble, but he had wanted to talk to Itachi, and Mr. Uzumaki knew that, everyone knew that, and if he continued to refuse then someone. Would be bound to ask questions. He couldn’t answer them without throwing Naruto under the bus. He couldn’t do that. 

He nodded. “Is Kakashi going to be here too?”

“He’s, apparently, trying to distract your friends and Naruto, along with Kushina. Do you want him here?”

He did. But leaving Mrs. Uzumaki with everyone wasn’t fair. Shaking his head, he spoke, “no, Mr. Uzumaki, it’s fine.”

He nodded. “Let me know when you’re ready to go inside.”

He took a deep breath, managing to nod. He would be ready as soon as he could control his face, make sure it wouldn’t give anything away. His controlled expression had never been anything compared to Itachi’s, but he needed to manage. For Naruto. He took another breath. “I’m ready to go inside, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“We’ll be out here,” he said, patting him towards the direction of the door. 

Expression under control. He could do this. He opened the door, slipping inside. 

“You’ve gotten so quiet,” Itachi said, looking at him. Staring at him. 

He dragged his body to the table, pulling back the chair and taking a seat. “Mr. Uzumaki said the results came in and you are my brother.”

“So you hadn’t recognized me?”

He hadn’t been able to nod, had he? He hadn’t. And for some reason, he didn’t want to tell Itachi he did. Not after he. Talked to Naruto. “I haven’t seen you in ten years. You’ve changed. Half your hair is blond.”

“All your hair is brown,” Itachi replied. “And I still recognized you.”

Itachi had done more than that. He’d gotten Naruto to show up and had apparently talked to him, when he couldn’t. Sasuke did his best to unclench his jaw, only managing by telling himself that Naruto’s dad was observing outside the door. They had already taken his car away and Sasuke didn’t want to be responsible for more than that. 

“How did you find me?”

Itachi leaned across the table, his breath sending cold shivers down his spine as he whispered into his ear, “didn’t your boyfriend tell you? He is...something.” 

Sasuke didn’t see Itachi retreat back, his eyes too focused on the door, waiting for it to open, but it never did. “Are you going to answer me?”

“Eventually. I would prefer to hear you renounce the company first. Technically, it’s mine, of course, or it will be once I out myself as Itachi Uchiha, but I don’t ever want to enter a legal battle with my little brother over it. You understand, don’t you?”

“I don’t want it,” Sasuke said. “It’s yours, I’m never going to fight you for it. I know...Mr. Uchiha--” 

“Mr. Uchiha?” Itachi echoed, apparently not bothered that he had interrupted him. Of course not, why would he? He was the elder child, and Sasuke was his youngest brother; a few generations back in their family and Itachi could have been the one disciplinating him, if their father was too busy, especially with their age difference. “You really like Kakashi, don’t you?”

“It’s none of your--” 

“It is. You’re my little brother, anything you do is my business, Sasuke.”

Sasuke huffed. “If that was true, you would have talked to me a long time ago. You were alive and I--” 

“What you do is my business, Sasuke. However, what I do is none of yours.”

He needed to get himself under control. He could feel his eyes stinging with offensive, threatening tears about to spill over. Out of frustration. It wasn’t  _ his _ business? And yet, Itachi apparently had no problem. Talking to Naruto about it. He glanced away from the door. Mr. Uzumaki was right there and he couldn’t. Sasuke couldn’t rat him out. “Then--” 

“But I understand, you’re frustrated and shocked. Personally, I don’t need you running away again, so I’ll give you three minutes to answer your questions.”

“I ran away to find you!”

“Sweet.” The word dragged out. “But foolish, especially days after being kidnapped. Also, not a question, you’re wasting your time.”

“How do you know that?”

“How could I not? The second time in less than six months--” 

“What?”

“Come on, baby brother,” Itachi said, his voice lowering considerably. “You don’t really think our father, or Mr. Uchiha, really sent you to get beaten bloody like that, do you?”

He couldn’t be serious. “What?”

“You keep interrupting me and the three minutes are running out,” Itachi said. Sasuke had to lean over to hear him, “don’t misunderstand. He did send you over so you could realize the irresponsibility and dangers of underage drinking, which you should have, but the men were in Orochimaru’s payroll, too, and he was always a little sick.”

Sasuke had hated his father. He was pretty sure he’d wished him dead a few times. And he was. Now. But Itachi was. “Stop.”

“Why?” He asked. “I thought you wanted answers; I’m a busy person, little brother. I have a lot of things to get done, the company still doesn’t have a figure head. You ran away and I’m here, but I have better things to do than wait until you decide whether or not you want answers.” 

He’d apparently given Naruto so much time, and. It was fine. Naruto was a good person and at the very least, he would have never told Itachi to stop, too curious for that. Maybe he should have just gotten the information from him, but last night--or this morning, he couldn’t tell--he’d been so insulted and pathetically hurt and he had thought that hearing it from Naruto would have been worse than hearing it from Itachi. But. It couldn’t be. 

In the worst case scenario, Naruto might have teased him a little, but Sasuke wouldn’t have felt so humiliated, so taken back by Itachi’s emotionless face, voice. 

“I do. I want answers.”

“It’s good to see you haven’t--” 

“What happened?” Sasuke asked, looking down at the metal table. Not unlike the one where he. He had. His wrists had lost the proof of that weekend a long time ago, his back too, but. It. The table did look like it. He was sure that if he placed his palms on it, a familiar coldness would creep into his bones.

“You were out the radar for a long time and maybe I shouldn’t have run away. The cameras were useful, of course because I could keep an eye on you too, but so could other people. It was just a matter of time before someone noticed, and Orochimaru did, wasn’t very patient, either. I think father was about to agree, when his secretary shot him in the head, inducing the coma that eventually killed him. At least he didn’t have many days to think about how much you hate him.” 

Sasuke didn’t hate him. And if he had, he.  _ He hadn’t known _ . “That doesn’t make sense,” he said, trying to clear his thoughts. Trying his best. But his attempts consistently fell flat. “If he-he was about to agree, why would he get murdered?”

“Oh,” Itachi said. “No. Orochimaru wasn’t the one, it was Danzo Shimura. He wanted to stop father from agreeing with Orochimaru, so he had someone shot him instead--” 

His father hadn’t even been shot by a bad guy? Just a cop? It didn’t. Didn’t make sense. “Stop.”

“Honestly, Sasuke,” Itachi said, his eyes trailing to the mirror. “I know you care about Mr. Uzumaki, I know you understand he’s invested in this. If you can’t handle it, he won’t ever find out anything.”

Unless Naruto told him. But. But Sasuke wasn’t sure Naruto would, and he. Could. He could do this. “Fine. A cop shot--shot Mr. Uchiha. That still doesn’t explain why you haven’t  _ talked _ to me until now.” Itachi stared at him. Panic crushing Sasuke’s stomach, coiling it painfully, when he realized that maybe he wouldn’t say antyhing else anymore. He couldn’t. He had. He wanted an answer, just one, maybe, it didn’t matter. He needed something. “Why didn’t you?” His fists were clenched under the table, just another way for him to try to keep himself together, keep his cheeks dry. Keep his hands from touching the table. 

“There was no reason to do so. You were safe, and I’ve been busy. Going through medical school is no easy feat--” 

“You could have--” 

“I know,” Itachi paused. For a second, Sasuke thought he was agreeing that he could have talked to him, said anything, just to let him know that he was alive. But then he continued, “I know you don’t usually make rational decisions, but tell me exactly what would have been accomplished by talking with you?”

“I--” 

“A few less nightmares?” Itachi cut him off, straightening more, looking taller than Sasuke could ever feel, looking down on him. “Make no mistake, little brother, I would give you a thousand more if that meant keeping you safe. By some miracle, you’re still safe with Kakashi, and Mr. Namikaze even gets a second chance to take care of one of us, I’m sure clearing up some of his consciousness, which means you’re staying here, finishing high school, going to college, a  _ good _ one, and doing something productive with your life, but most importantly, staying safe.”

If only Itachi knew that the only reason why he wasn’t safe was because of himself. “I’m not--” 

“You are,” Itachi said, the certainty dripping from his voice. 

Sasuke would have punched him, but. But he was Itachi’s little brother. And Fugaku was dead, and Kakashi was still there, and he should stay there, but he. He knew that no matter what, no matter how many years he’d gone thinking that Itachi was dead, he still. Still had an obligation to listen to him. 

Itachi was, now, just someone else who hated him for running away. Running away was decidedly not being safe. 

He bit back a sigh. “I am.”

“Good,” Itachi said. “I don’t really care what you study at college, but I do expect you to pick something that will lead to a viable career. A safe one, so nothing with guns.”

Sasuke stood up, shoving his fists in his pocket. In Naruto’s pocket. “No guns, got it--” 

“Little brother, I don’t think Mr. Uzumaki is yet satisfied with everything I’ve said. You wouldn’t want him to get angry, would you?”

Sasuke glanced at the door, expecting the door to open, but. But it never did. It was fine. Sasuke could. Could be Mr. Uzumaki’s doll for a little longer, could sit there while he listened to Itachi talk. It was the least he could do. “Right,” he said, sitting back down, keeping his hands inside the pockets. “He doesn’t get angry,” he mumbled, after he couldn’t sink down on the chair anymore.

“Your face says--” 

“It wasn’t him, it was Naruto, but don’t worry. He’s just as concerned about keeping me safe as you are. You two would get along just fine.”

Itachi kept quiet for a long time. It felt like ten more years passed before he spoke again, the atmosphere in the room stealing the air in his lungs each passing second. “I don’t know why, maybe he felt some remose, but Danzo killed himself soon afterwards. Ironically before father’s time of death.”

It took a lot of energy to nod. It wasn’t something he was interested in. Great. The man who got his dad killed had committed suicide, and the man who had. Who had provided the most answers in his entire life had been trying to blackmail his father, but it didn’t matter because everyone was dead. He knew what Itachi was saying wasn’t even for him, although he didn’t seem against sharing, so he. He. He couldn’t just tell Mr. Uzumaki all that, for some reason. It didn’t matter, the reason. It was the least Sasuke could do. 

“Okay,” he said, after his mind told him that the silence had dragged too long. “Are you...you really aren’t telling me why--” 

“I’ve told you. To keep you safe.”

Sasuke didn’t know where he got his energy. His bones were weighing him down. “Well, you did such a fantastic job at it! I know running away was my fault, but I didn’t run away until after.” His voice left. Him again. Like it did when. Nothing happened. He was just. Just too emotional, clearly. Evidenced by the wet trail down his cheeks. He stood up, wiping angrily at his face, too angry to.

To realize Itachi was standing in front of him, holding his shoulder. “I know. It was a miscalculation, I didn’t think--” 

“A miscalculation?” Sasuke repeated, something ugly kicking inside him. But. But letting Itachi pull his hands down, presumably to. To wipe the tears away himself. It didn’t make sense. If he had cared. He would have talked to him. But. But the touch was soft and. It was his brother. 

“Yes,” Itachi replied, his voice so quiet that Sasuke couldn’t be sure the hidden microphones would catch it. “A miscalculation, I didn’t think that he would have,” he shook his head. Apparently not having a problem with the way Sasuke was leaning into his hand, like a stupid kid, like. Like the stupid kid he had never stopped being. “I’ll do a better job at keeping you safe from now on.”

Sasuke managed to step back, bumping against the chair. “You’re really not telling me anything, are you?”

“It’s for your own good,” Itachi said. He almost believed him. If Sasuke hadn’t known that he had told Naruto everything, after he showed up at dawn, telling him that he found Itachi in his motel room. “Once I’ve settled down, I’ll talk to you again.”

“That doesn’t seem safe. If you wanted to keep me safe, you wouldn’t talk to me. You’re taking the company and you’re painting a target on your back,” Sasuke bit out. Although he should have not. Everything had been his fault. Itachi was just too nice to tell him. His father would have never sent. Sent him there if he hadn’t become a drunk at a high school party. That. Man wouldn’t have. Wouldn’t have gotten to him, if he hadn’t drank so much. Danzo Shimura wouldn’t have shot their father if he hadn’t. 

“You’re right,” Itachi said, his hand dropping. It couldn’t be true, but for a second, he sounded sad. “I’ll send someone to check up on you.” 

It must have been Sasuke’s imagination. There was nothing sad in his brother’s voice. He nodded, closing his eyes. Although sending people hadn’t exactly worked for Fugaku. But it didn’t matter. “Are you leaving?”

“Stop making foolish decisions, Sasuke,” Itachi said. “You need to stay safe.” 

Sasuke kept his eyes closed until he heard the door opening. Somehow, he managed to sit on the chair, before pulling the hood over his head and hiding the rest of his stupid face in his hands. It didn’t matter how long he stayed there, but eventually, his eyes were dried and Mr. Uzumaki was pulling him up; it was nice of him to leave him alone while he was being an idiot. He kept his eyes down, watching each stair disappearing below his feet. 

Mr. Uzumaki took him to an office, pulling a chair back.

“Do you want me to call Kakashi to pick you up or wait until I get off work?”

It didn’t matter. Sasuke looked up, watching Mr. Uzumaki take a seat behind the desk. His office. The gold nameplate had Namikaze written on it. “Either one is fine, Mr. Uzumaki, thank you.” His voice sounded so  _ stupid _ .

Mr. Uzumaki rested his hand on his head, crouching down so Sasuke could still see him. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

Why was he so nice? And why was Sasuke so stupid? It was disgusting. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything else.” He’d been so concerned with his own questions, that he had no idea what the police actually wanted from his brother. He hadn’t asked. And. And he still didn’t know anything.

Except that everything had been his own fault.

“You did,” Mr. Uzumaki said, letting his hand drop to his hand, taking a seat on the desk. “You did so good, Sasuke. We really appreciated it.”

At least he wasn’t that useless. He watched as Mr. Uzumaki walked back to his chair, looking official behind it, looking tired. Obviously. Because Sasuke had kept him and his wife up the whole night. “I’m glad I could help, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Your brother,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “He said he needed a few days to get everything ready, but I expect that we’ll see the news coverage soon--” 

“Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, doing his best to ignore the guilt from cutting him off. “I know it’s not my place and I don’t deserve to, but--but would it be okay if I just took a walk? Around the block? I’ll be right back, I just.” He just needed to. He didn’t know what he needed. He just needed to be. On his own. Just for a little bit. 

“Sasuke--” 

“Please,” he said. “I’ll be right back. I just. Just need to walk a little bit.”

Mr. Uzumaki stared at him. Probably trying to decide how he could tell him he was an idiot, without saying it outright. He knew he was an idiot. He wasn’t trustworthy, but. But the station was stiffling and. He. He just needed to be on his own. Just for a second. 

“Don’t be too long, Sasuke. Answer your phone if anyone calls you, or I’m going to assume something bad happened.”

Sasuke nodded quickly, standing up, “thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. I really aprpeciate it.”

With that, he left the office, closing the door behind him softly. He found the stairs and the neon green sign that read EXIT, managing to leave the building soon after. He turned to the left, shoving his hands in his pockets, and beginning to walk. Just around the block. Maybe to get something to. Eat. Or drink. He’d eaten breakfast, but juding by the sun, it was almost noon, and. And. Food would be good. He’ll bring something back to Mr. Uzumaki too. He could do that. 

He found a sandwich spot that looked rather empty. Maybe because the food wasn’t good. But it was close to the station and it wouldn’t take long for him to return, if Mr. Uzumaki wanted him to. He ordered two tuna salad sandwiches, paying at the counter, deciding that he could eat his own there. It was empty. And. He wasn’t ready for anything else. He picked the closest table to the door, watching idly as the employees made an egg salad sandwich and. Grilled cheese for a mom and daughter duo. 

He looked down at his food, his stomach suddenly tight and. And not ready for food anymore. It was soggy anyway. Not that he had a reason to be picky. It wasn’t. It was food and he was grateful he could buy it, but. His stomach hurt. And--

“Hey, Sasuke.”

He looked up. A man was sitting on the booth in front of him, he looked. He had short spiky hair and. And a shark tattoo peeking out of his shirt collar. And he knew his name. He thought Itachi wasn’t going to send someone to look out for him, but. It didn’t matter.

“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know your name.”

“Kisame Hoshigaki,” he replied. “I met your boyfriend last night.”

“He met you, too,” Sasuke said. After a moment, he pushed the other half of his sandwich across the table. He wasn’t planning on eating it and for some reason Mr. Hoshigaki wasn’t ordering anything. “He mentioned the tattoo.”

“Is that the only thing he mentioned?”

He shrugged. “He came back late and we were tired.” He watched Mr. Hoshigaki pick up the sandwich, eating half of it in one bite. “Is there--” 

The sandwich was gone. “Why don’t you come on a ride with me, kid?”

“I can’t, I told Mr. Uzumaki I would stay close.” And there was something suspicious about going on a ride with a stranger. But he didn’t care about that. If Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t waiting for him, he would have. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. If it had been a kidnapper, this time he knew what to do. Just beg to be killed.

“You really are his lapdog, aren’t you?”

Sasuke shrugged. Did it matter? It didn’t. He might be. But it was for the best. It wasn’t like he’d shown he could make good decisions on his own. And Mr. Uzumaki was a good person. “Do you need anything, Mr. Hoshigaki?”

“Wow.” Mr. Hoshigaki leaned back, chuckling under his breath, a wide smile cracked across his face. “You’re so polite. I just want you to come on a quick ride with me. I’m your brother’s friend, you can trust me. If I wasn’t a good person, your boyfriend would have never returned, would he? Especially being so annoying.”

“I told Mr. Uzumaki--” 

“I’ll give you a ride back to the station, it’s a bit of a walk.”

Sounded reasonable. It didn’t. Didn’t matter. Anyway. He was Itachi’s little brother, and. And Mr. Hogishaki was his brother’s friend, it would be rude to decline too much. And. And if that wasn’t true. Then. Then, maybe. Maybe, if he was good enough it. It would end. He nodded, grabbing the sandwich for Mr. Uzumaki and following him to a rental car, a black jeep. He crawled on the passanger seat, the engine soon starting. 

Mr. Hoshigaki finished texting, fixing the rearview window. “Listen, Sasuke. About the company--” 

“I already told Itachi, I’m not going to fight for it,” Sasuke said, staring out the window. “He doesn’t have to worry about anything.”

“You sure about this? You won’t be able to change your mind later.”

He wouldn’t change it. Itachi could. Could do whatever he wanted, he didn’t want anything to do with it. He didn’t know anything about his life. Didn’t know what he wanted. But. But he knew that he didn’t want that. “I won’t.”

“Are you sure?”

They seemed so worried that he would change his mind. But. He wouldn’t. “I won’t, Mr. Hoshigaki.” He glanced back at him. They were almost at the station; hopefully the sandwich wouldn’t be so soggy--that would just be the cherry on top of Mr. Uzumaki’s awful day. Having to babysit him. “Really.”

“Good. Good, you’re a good kid, Sasuke.”

Sasuke pulled the sleeves over his hands, hiding them. He hadn’t. Hadn’t felt like a good kid lately. He was. Before. He had been. A great kid, never in trouble, always studying. Or playing sports. Volunteering. Now, he. He hadn’t even walked Urushi, in days, hadn’t even. Pet him. He wasn’t a good kid. Not anymore. Wasn’t even. Even a person. 

“Thank you, Mr. Hoshigaki,” he said, glancing over his shoulder. The backseat was empty, a rental car. Obviously, he couldn’t. Couldn’t remember what happened when. When it hadn’t been Naruto’s truck, but. He must have been in the backseat. And. He had no idea what. He turned back. “It’s left at the light.”

He chuckled, “I know.”

Sasuke watched. Him turned. Left. Of course. He was Itachi’s friend. They were parked across the station, his phone buzzing against his leg. “Thank you for the ride, Mr. Hoshigaki.”

“Of course,” he replied, a. A look. It was a funny look, but Sasuke didn’t pay it any mind. 

With another smile, he grabbed Mr. Uzumaki’s sandwich and got out of the car. He waited until the street was empty. Even if he really only wanted to. But he waited. His phone was buzzing against his leg, but he was right across the street, anyway. Would be there soon. He ran once he couldn’t hear any cars, slipping inside the station. 

Almost crashing against Mr. Uzumaki. Stopping just in time out of. Luck. “I brought you a sandwich, Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, offering up the bag. “It might be a little soggy, sorry.” He accepted it, although, he didn’t. Didn’t look too happy. Of course not. Who liked soggy sandwiches? He was such an idiot. “I--” 

“I called you five times, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said. To his credit, the hand on his shoulder didn’t. Didn’t hurt. It should have. “You said you would answer.”

He had been across the street. But it didn’t matter. The station’s floor was becoming a familiar sight to him. All the way back to. To Mr. Uzumaki’s office. He sat down. “I’m sorry, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Thanks for the sandwich, Sasuke,” he said. Although, it was just to be. Polite. Clearly. “It’s good and it’s not soggy.”

Too nice. “You’re welcome, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Eventually, Mr. Uzumaki had to leave. Something. Something to do with work. Sasuke hadn’t listened too closely. Just enough to thank him again. It didn’t matter. Of course Mr. Uzumaki had other things to do, and it was fine, it was nice that he trusted Sasuke enough to let him stay in his office instead of a cell.

His phone buzzed. It didn’t make sense. Because Mr. Uzumaki was in the building, but. But he took it out of his pocket, looking at the Unknown message flashing on the screen. He accepted the call. “How did you get my phone?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Hearing Itachi’s voice over the phone was. Was something else. Even more difficult to understand. Anything. Him. “I thought I told you to stop doing foolish things, Sasuke.”

Something worked. In the back of his mind. “He’s your friend,” he said. “Naruto met him last night.”

“I know. I sent him.” Itachi sounded. Angry. 

“I’m--” 

“But that doesn’t mean you should be getting into cars with anyone you don’t personally know.”

Itachi had. Had sent him? To test him? To see how stupid. He really was. And. And it had worked. He’d proven that. That he was an idiot. It stung. “I’m sorry.”

Itachi. Sighed. “It’s fine, but don’t do it again.”

“Are you going to tell me how you got my number?”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter,” he replied. And. 

And then, the line went dead. His phone slipped to the ground and. And he rested his forehead on Mr. Uzumaki’s cold desk. He didn’t understand. Anything. It didn’t. It didn’t matter. He just. Just wanted to go away. 

It must have worked. Just a little. When he woke up, the sun had faded from Mr. Uzumaki’s back window. And he was back in the office. Looking at his computer, a small frown forming as he typed.

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” he said. “You were sleeping and you seemed to need the rest.”

Sasuke nodded. He. He must have slept. He couldn’t remember anything, just a comforting darkness. It was better than. Than white above him. It had. It had been nice. Just passing out. It had been nice. Although, now that he was rested. He. He had, apparently, the energy to be angry. Again. 

“Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, shaking his head. But. But Suigetsu had been right: someone being an idiot didn’t excuse everyone else from being idiots too. He got it. He did. He was an idiot. But, last night, so had Naruto. And. “Yesterday, Naruto.” He clenched his jaw. No. Naruto was an idiot, but. But he didn’t have to be an asshole to him.

Mr. Uzumaki’s attention was no longer on the computer.“Yeah? Sasuke?”

It wasn’t just. Naruto leaving in the middle of the night to meet people in a motel, it was. His parents didn’t deserved to be lied to. Not about something like that. Even if Naruto broke up with him. “Naruto didn’t--he. He told me that he left last night to meet Itachi. I guess he called my phone and Naruto picked it up and. And. He went.”

“Naruto told you this?”

He couldn’t decide whether he ratted Naruto out for the right reasons, or just because he was angry that Itachi had talked to Naruto, but not him. He nodded. “I’m sorry I hadn’t said anything before, I--I didn’t want him to get in trouble.”

“Thanks, Sasuke,” he said. “I know telling me wasn’t easy, but I appreciate it. Are you ready to go home?’

Why had he opened his mouth? He watched Mr. Uzumaki lock some files, in a drawer behind his desk, standing up. “Mr. Uzumaki are you,” he wiped his hands, “are you going to hit him?”

“No, I’m not, kiddo,” he said. It didn’t sound like a lie. “Come on, let’s go. It’s already seven.”

Sasuke followed him to the sedan, not surprised when they parked in front of his house, instead of the Uzumakis. Obviously. It made sense. Naruto would break up with him soon enough. It was fine. “Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki.”

He nodded and patted his shoulder, “I’ll check in tomorrow, okay?”

Sasuke gave him a nod too, offered another show of gratitude and walked up the driveway. He slipped inside, closing the door behind him. Urushi didn’t come running. Which made snese. Because. Because Sasuke had stopped paying attention to him years ago. But. But Jugo and Suigetsu weren’t downstairs either. He headed upstairs, seeing the light slipping underneath his bedroom’s door. He walked up to it, finding Kakashi sitting on his bed, reading a book. 

Sasuke closed the door behind him, “hi--” 

“Come over here, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, patting the space bedside him. 

He. He couldn’t believe he had just been worried about Naruto getting hit. It. It was fine. Even if it took him longer than strictly necessary to walk over to his bed, took more willpower to sit down. His bookshelf staring back at him, his violin case leaning against it. He hadn’t touched that in weeks. Didn’t want to, again. It didn’t matter.

“Why would you get into a stranger’s car?”

Sasuke looked down at his lap, digging his nails into the skin, hidden in his pockets. “You talked with Itachi?”

“He called,” Kakashi replied. Itachi sure liked to talk to everyone except himself. “Why did you?”

“I’m sorry--” 

“That’s not what I want to hear, Sasuke. I want an explanation.”

Maybe his nails would draw blood eventually. Was that possible? He’ll try. “Are you going to hit me?”

Kakashi sighed. “I don’t think--” 

“But you want to.” Clearly. Sasuke’s eyes were on his lap, probably would. Would stay there forever. But even without looking, he could feel the anger coming off of Kakashi. 

“I just want you to answer me.”

Kakashi had always complained about how difficult it was to maintained thirty teenagers under control with the potential of explosions all around them. When. If. When, they were better. Sasuke could. Could tell him that if he only talked like. That. He would never have trouble trying to. Keep his classroom under control. 

“I--I bought Mr. Uzumaki a sandwich and it was going to get soggy. Mr. Hoshigaki ate my half, since I didn’t want it anymore, and he said he’d give me a ride back to the station. He. He’s Itachi’s friend and.” He shrugged.

“So you knew that he was your brother’s friend?”

He had already told Mr. Uzumaki. It didn’t matter. “Naruto met him last night, he said Itachi was with someone with a tattoo on his neck. I--he had it. I saw it.”

“Naruto said that?”

He nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“And it never occured to you that maybe the man was just holding Itachi hostage too?”

He shook his head. His chest was starting to. Be squeezed. But. It was fine.

“Of course not. Why would that cross your mind?” Kakashi clicked his tongue. “Why did you do it, Sasuke?”

He curled his toes so he could focus on stopping the trembling leg, the right one. “I told you--I. The sandwich was going to get soggy--” 

“Sasuke.”

“What do you want me to tell you?” The scream was halfway up his throat, but. He managed to not do that. To Kakashi.

“The truth,” he said. “Why did you get into a strange man’s car?”

“Because it didn’t matter, okay? I don’t care about.” He shut his mouth, again with the stupid. He thought he couldn’t cry anymore. 

“What?”

He shrugged. “Nothi--” 

“What, Sasuke?”

He shook his head, his jaw set. He wasn’t. It didn’t matter. The bed shifted, when Kakashi got up, walking to the door, and locking it. He walked over to the balcony door and locked that, too, pulling the curtains close. “Sasuke.”

“Not--” 

“I’m going to count to three, Sasuke; I hope by the time I get to three you’ll have an ans--” 

“I already gave you an answer, I was just trying to give Mr. Uzumaki his sandwich before it got gross and--” 

“One.”

He thought. He knew he. Deserved. This. And he thought he would be. Fine. But. But the last one had left him bedridden for days and. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. Not again. Not. No. No. He scrambled backwards until his back was pressed against the cold wall, fully aware. Aware that Kakashi could just drag him to his stomach. And keep him down. But. But. Maybe, it would stop him from. Or it would just make it worse. If he tried to. It had been worse last time. They were. They had. 

“Two.”

No. No. No. He shook his head, pressing himself harder against the wall. Naruto wouldn’t. Even be there this time. That. It shouldn’t matter, but it did. He wasn’t. Flexible enough and Naruto. “It just didn’t matter, okay? I--I..It. It didn’t matter if it was really Itachi’s friend or not, I didn’t care, okay? I’m sorry. It wasn’t important, I didn’t want to. It just didn’t. Didn’t matter. I know I shouldn’t have and that it was stupid and dangerous, and I shouldn’t have, but. I--I don’t care. Not anymore. I messed up. And I’m sorry, I just. I haven’t.” He wanted to stop talking, but he couldn’t. Couldn’t let Kakashi get to three. He couldn’t. He couldn’t go through that again. “I haven’t cared. About. Itachi said that Fugaku hadn’t. He hadn’t meant to do all that, and he’s dead now, and...I am not.”

Kakashi sat on the bed, near his feet. “Sasu--” 

“ _ Stop _ . I--I don’t know what else you want me to tell you! I don’t mean to want to kill myself, okay? I don’t mean it anyway. Not really. Not like that. Sometimes, it--it just happens. I wouldn’t do it. I’m not crazy. I’m just...tired.”

“Can I give you a hug?”

Sasuke’s eyes went to Kakashi’s waist, but he was wearing joggers, nothing that required. And even if he was. It was fine. He nodded and. 

It was a hug.

He remembered that when he was younger, when he first lived with Kakashi, he’d start crying everytime Kakashi so much as moved towards him. He had cried a lot back then, generally. He couldn’t help it, he supposed. But. But now, he was older and logically, he should. Stop. His knees were pulled up to his chest and somehow, Kakashi was somehow keeping him together, and. And. He appreciated that. 

“Sasuke--” 

“Itachi doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t why--” 

“He’s worried about you.”

“He hates me.” Not that Itachi was at fault. There were lots of reasons to hate him. Mostly, he was a crybaby. Evidenced. By everything lately.

“He doesn’t,” Kakashi said, pulling him closer. “It feels like that because things have been happening fast lately and you haven’t been able to catch a break.”

“He talked to Naruto. All of last night, he was gone for hours and--” 

“Do Minato and Kushina know this, Sasuke?”

He nodded, his nails digging just. Just a little deeper into his skin. “I told Mr. Uzumaki.” Naruto was going to hate him, too. “He said he wouldn’t hit him, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to get grounded.”

“It sounds like he should be,” Kakashi said. 

In the back of his mind, Sasuke agreed, too, but that made him a. Rotten boyfriend. If they were even together anymore. They were probably not. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was his fault. “Kakashi?” He sighed. “I’m really sorry you have to put up with me like this.”

“That’s what parents do, Sasuke.”

Somehow. Sasuke felt a small smile, slowly spreading on his face. It shouldn’t have been, but he didn’t have energy to stop it. “Did you finish grading everything?”

“Took hours,” Kakashi said with an exagerrated sigh. “It almost made me regret making so many assignments.”

“It serves you right,” he said, with no real heat. “Are you going to tell me what was the stuff in those last two containers?”

“Nope. That’s cheating, Sasuke--” 

He wiped his cheeks, shifted a little, moving the bulk of his weight to the mattress, rather than on Kakashi. “I’m your kid. You should give me preferential treatment.”

Kakashi chuckled. “I don’t think so. But nice try.”

“I bet it’s bleach,” he mumbled. “Or something stupid. Like acetone--” 

“What did acetone ever do to you?”

“Nothing,” he replied, quickly. “I just think it’s stupid. It evaporates so quickly, but it’s so flammable. What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s a...molecule.”

Sasuke sighed, “I know. I just don’t like it. Is it that one?”

“I’m not answering that.”

Sasuke huffed, moving away to lay down. Not on his back. The ceiling. On his side. Except. Naruto wasn’t there. On his stomach then. Except. Kakashi was there. Which. He turned on his side again. “Were you...really going to beat me? When you got to three?”

He couldn’t be sure. But--but Kakashi had never gotten to three. Sasuke had never been stupid enough to let him get to three, of course, because he knew what generally happened when adults did. But he was curious. If Kakashi was. If he was Kakashi’s kid, then a beating was the only logical conclusion to counting to three.

Kakashi kept quiet for a long time. “No,” he said, quietly. “To be honest, the first time I counted, I was terrified of what I was supposed to do if I got to three, but you’ve always been such a good kid, I’ve never gotten to three. But pretend I didn’t say all that, you still need to listen at two, even if I don’t have a backup plan. Although, I’m open to suggestions, now.”

“You could hit me.”

“I don’t think so,” Kakashi said. “I could make you...grade all my assignments.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but make a face. He’d seen Kakashi grade his entire life, it never looked fun and it was a long process. “Sounds unethical--” 

“Do my lesson planning.”

That. Sasuke sat up. “Also unethical. You could ground me.”

“And give you another reason to stay at home? I don’t think so. I could give you more chores.”

“You’re so full of it, I already do everything!”

“Clean the china?”

Sasuke made a face. “I’d really would prefer a spanking.”

“How about you just don’t make me get to three?” Kakashi offered. “At least not until you go to college.”

He could agree with that. He needed to work hard to be a good kid again. Sasuke nodded. College. Itachi wanted him to go to a good one, but he didn’t think that he’d make it into any good ones. There wasn’t anything particularly noteworthy about himself. “Kakashi? If something...if Itachi dies, I--I really don’t want the company.” It was an awful thing to say. It was his duty. But. He couldn’t. 

“No one’s going to kill Itachi, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. More matter-of-factly than he had a right to. Because. “It’s going to be okay.”

“They killed Fugaku--” 

“He was alone,” Kakashi said. “He didn’t trust anyone, didn’t have anyone to look out for him. Itachi isn’t like that. He has a lot of people watching his back. He’s going to be fine, and you won’t have to think about it ever again.”

\----------------

Jugo was holding the leash, but that was okay. At least Sasuke had come out with them, and with Urushi. Surprised Kakashi said it was okay, but he didn’t care. He was just glad to be out of the house, just for a little bit. 

“So, Itachi sent someone to see if you would get into a car with him?” Suigetsu asked, for the hundredth time. 

Sasuke was beginning to regret telling them anything. “Yeah.”

“That’s...a little messed up, isn’t it?” Suigetsu and Jugo shared a look. Sasuke recognized it because a few months back, he’d looked at them like that too. When someone was being stupid.

“I know. Kakashi already talked to me about it, so you can drop it. I told you.”

“I don’t mean you getting in a car like that,” Suigetsu replied. “I meant Itachi sending someone to see if you would in the first place.”

“Oh,” Sasuke shrugged, watching Urushi spot a squirrel and Jugo somehow managing to make him stop barking before he even started. It was fine. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Itachi’s friend?” Jugo asked. “How did he look like again?” 

“Yeah, uh,” Sasuke followed them up a hill, marveled at his lost of physical condition through the past week or so. He couldn’t remember telling them anything about how he looked. But. His mind had been. Playing tricks on him, lately. First, Naruto. Yesterday, Kakashi. He shook his head. Just more proof he needed to sleep. “Short hair. Tattoo shark. He might like tuna sandwiches,” he shrugged. 

Suigetsu halted, putting out his hand to stop Sasuke too, Jugo walking ahead. “Shark tattoo?”

He chuckled, “yeah. I’m sure you would have liked it. But if you’re going to get one too, do it at least somewhere where you could hide it without having to wear a turtleneck. You could have it on your back. Or your butt.”

“Cute,” Suigetsu said. Jugo was already at top of the hill, throwing a tennis ball for Urushi. “Does he, by any chance,” he said, taking out his phone. “Look like that?”

Sasuke took the phone. It was. The exact same tattoo. Blue. Detailed. Big. “Yeah. You know the artist?”

“And his name was...Kisame Hog--whatever?”

Sasuke nodded again, handing the phone back. “He seemed nice enough,” he said, watching Urushi down the hill for the ball, seconds later, heading back up to Jugo. “He--” 

“Sauce.” Suigetsu was facing him, looking. A little angry. Sasuke knew because a lot of people had been looking at him like that lately. “He’s the guy I bought the knife from, the guys that I mentioned that could maybe find your brother.” 

Urushi was running down again. He had so much energy, Sasuke was a little jealous. “What?”

“You know, the guys I said that if we paid them enough money, they might be able to find your brother--” 

“No, I remember,” Sasuke shook his head. “I wasn’t asking you to repeat that, thanks, I was just--” 

“Confused. I know,” he replied. “Please tell me you think this is a little weird.”

Sasuke. Was not thinking anything anymore. “Getsu, if you want someone to join in on conspiracy theories, you should just talk to Naruto. He’s really into this stuff.” He was sure that it was the main reason that Naruto started to really get to know him in the first place. That and his butt. 

“It’s not a conspiracy theory,” he lowered his voice, although it didn’t make sense. They were alone. “This is the guy that sold me that knife and I’ve met some of his friends, I mean, granted I was a little confused that all of them were called John, but aren’t you a little weirded out that your brother apparently is friends with someone like that? I wouldn’t call them bad people, but I wouldn’t call them good people, either.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call you a good person, either, but you’re not bad,” Sasuke shrugged. “And Itachi can be friends with whoever he wants--” 

“I don’t think you’re getting it.”

Sasuke shrugged, his hands securily inside the pockets. Still Naruto’s pockets. He really needed to wash it and return it. After Naruto wasn’t grounded anymore. That conversation hadn’t. Hadn’t been as bad as he’d imagined. Of course not, Naruto was a good person. Sasuke was just an idiot. “I really don’t care. It’s none of my business--” 

“I know you’re lying. Jugo is not even listening in, and he knows you’re lying too.” Suigetsu sat on the ground, tugging on his sleeve until Sasuke was sitting next to him. “Will you just talk to me?”

“ _ You _ wanna talk about feelings?”

Suigetsu made a face, “no. But Jugo is having fun throwing a ball for Urushi and maybe you should talk to someone. You’ve been acting weird lately, since I’ve gotten here, and I’m not worried about you, you know because I’m not a girl, but if I were, I would be worried about you.”

“You’re such an idiot--” 

“I’m just trying to say that I’m worried, but, like no homo.”

Sasuke had to cover his mouth to stop from. Not laughing. But something close to that. “Get off of it, you’ve been trying to tap this since forever.”

“Fine. Full homo,” Suigetsu grinned. “But can you talk to me? You know, normally, I’d let you brew in your emotions for a little bit, but to be fair, you’ve gone through a couple of things lately, so maybe we should speed up the process a little bit and hopefully, we won’t be too traumatized at the end.”

Sasuke stared at him, feeling a small smile coming out. It’ll take too much energy to supress it. Suigetsu was such an idiot. He’d always been an idiot. “Look, even if Itachi has some sketchy friends, I’m not--he wants to step up to the plate and that’s great for me. Maybe he needed some sketchy friends to survive, I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t know, he doesn’t want to tell you anything,” Suigetsu laid down. Urushi almost ran on top of him a second later, a black blur, but Suigetsu didn’t even flinch. “Which I get, I wouldn’t want to rip my heart out in a police station either, I’m no saint,” he shrugged. “But he sent John, or--Kisame, or whoever, on purpose, and he must have known that car couldn’t have possibly being bugged, right? So why didn’t he tell you how he knows everything about you then? He didn’t even have to tell you, Kisame could have told you, instead.”

Sasuke shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe if they’re sketchy enough, they’ll have to kill me or something. I don’t know. I don’t really want to know--” 

“But you do,” Suigetsu said because he’d known him for years and Sasuke was a liar.

“He shows up after ten years, of course I do!” He took a deep breath. He should stop. But. But the only ones around were Jugo and Suigetsu and they wouldn’t. Wouldn’t judge him too badly. They got it. “But it’s not my business, I just want him to take over the company and call it a day, okay?”

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me about that.”

Sasuke stared, raising his eyebrow. Until Suigetsu was coughing from laughing. He rubbed his back, “kudos to you for never telling anyone.” He hadn’t told him anything, obviously. He never had to. Sasuke was pretty sure that Jugo picked up on something  _ funny _ first, but never told anyone, never even told him. But it made sense that they would have known something. Considering how easy they seemed to roll with all of this, more so than himself. 

“Couldn’t say something I didn’t know, right? But I think I’ll keep the kudos.” Suigetsu poked him on the rib, and Sasuke swatted his hand away. “You sure you don’t want to run away? Just for the rest of your break. We can tell Kakashi. We can go on a road trip. It wouldn’t even be running away, just a little vacation.”

That. That sounded great. If he could be honest, for a second. “I can’t. We still don’t have money and. And that would be...foolish.”

“If we tell Kakashi, maybe he’ll pitch in.”

Sasuke chuckled, “he’s a teacher, he doesn’t have any money to pitch in. He barely has the money to pay the bills.” Maybe now that Fugaku was dead, maybe he could finally get a job, too. Help out a little more. He should. Get some of the financial burden off Kakashi.

“We could pick up jobs along the way. I have a fake and it says I’m eighteen. There are a lot of nightclubs around and I know I’m not you, or your boyfriend, but I’m not  _ that _ ugly.”

“You’re not stripping to pay for a vacation,” Sasuke said. 

Suigetsu sighed, “look, Sasuke. I just really think you need a break. An actual one. I’m worried about you--” 

“But no homo, right?”

Suigetsu poked him again. Sasuke scooted away. “I’m serious. You look like you’re fading into the background. You won’t even touch Urushi.’

Sasuke looked away. Incidentally, to where Urushi was laying down, the tennis ball in front of his snout, his tongue hanging out, Jugo was next to him, picking flowers, setting them on his body like someone. Someone might do. In a. 

He looked back to Suigetsu. “I think I’m allergic to him.”

“Right,” he said. “Just recently. Of course.”

They’d gotten him nine years ago, adopted from a shelter. One of the ears had been flopped down, and he’d peed on Kakashi when they met him. Sasuke didn’t know how Kakashi managed to convince their landlord to agree to a dog, but the lady had always seemed a little smitten by him. He didn’t think Kakashi had thought Urushi would turn into an eighty-pound dog, or else he might not have listened to Sasuke. It was a lot of money for dog food. It probably had something to do with Urushi being the first thing that he had really asked for. 

“You know--” 

“ _ Stop _ .”

The man. He shook his head. Orochimaru. Presumably. That’s what Itachi called him. He had. Orochimaru had known so much about him, too. Those cameras had been a bad idea, but he couldn’t blame Fugaku. Not after it had apparently been Itachi who caused them. And. Urushi was on his back, obviously wanting a tummy rub. Why else would he be lying on his back for, the tongue still sticking out, small, yellow flowers on top of him? 

“Sauce, are you okay? 

It wouldn’t. Urushi was. There was something against his chest. A hand. 

“Sasuke?”

A hand. On his chest. But he wasn’t laying down. Urushi wasn’t dead. He wasn’t. He was just asleep. There was something on his back. 

“Are you breathing?”

Circles. All over his. His back.

He grabbed it, the index and middle finger, pulling back hard. He didn’t know why he wasn’t tied. But. There was a pained groan. But it didn’t matter. Now. Urushi was. On his legs. Not dead. Not dead. 

“Fuck, Sasuke!”

_ Fuck _ . Suigetsu was almost just as pale as. He took a deep breath, somehow aware that both Urushi and Jugo were closer now, behind him. It must be their shadows behind him, covering his own. Suigetsu was snapping his hand in the air, a faint frown on his face. 

“Sorry,” he said, once his mind decided to start working. Now, Suigetsu. Who was next? Jugo? He shook his head, hoping his ears would stop buzzing, but knowing that he wasn’t that lucky. “I didn’t--” 

“It’s fine.” He said, “are you okay?”

He nodded, glancing at Urushi. Jugo was kneeling next to him, his hand hovering just a few milimeters on top of his shoulder. Sasuke gave him a small nod, and somehow Jugo, understood. At least he hadn’t tried punching either of them. Jugo’s hand wasn’t as heavy as Kakashi’s or Jugo’s, an observation that didn’t make sense. 

“Are you sure?” Jugo asked. “You look a little,” he glanced at Suigetsu. “Sick. Whiteish.”

Pale, he meant. Obviously. Sasuke rubbed his eyes, not wanting to look too closely to the reason that they didn’t want to say that word. He appreciate it. Didn’t matter. He nodded, “I’m fine. Sorry, Getsu, I didn’t mean to do that.” To him. 

“I know. It’s fine, it’s not broken or anything, you just took me by surprise,” he said. “But I would like to take this moment to--” 

“Suigetsu--” 

“Once again suggest that you need to get away for a little bit. Away from here, not even a road trip, you can just crash at my parents’ place. It’s not particularly nice, but it’s not here, either.”

“Or you can stay with me,” Jugo said. “Cramped, but also not here.”

Sasuke. Did like the winter there better than whatever was going on in California. It would be nice, but. Kakashi would have to be an idiot to let him go. And even if he did, Itachi wouldn’t. “I’ll ask Kakashi, but he’ll probably say no.”

“You never know.”

Sasuke chuckled under his breath, standing up. The floor spun, but it was okay. He just needed to keep breathing. He knew. “We should start heading back.”

“Are you going to make food?”

“Only because I almost broke your finger,” he replied, waiting for Jugo to put the leash back on Urushi. He was such an idiot. He almost kind of figured his mind was a little fucked up, but. But it was starting to get a little ridiculous. He hadn’t even been laying down. He was stupid. “What do you want?”

“Anything. No salad, though.”

Sasuke nodded, almost falling down, but managing to keep upright. Brain fucked, feet fucked. Amazing. Truly. But he managed, for the half hour it took to get back on his street. He stopped in front of Naruto’s door. “I’ll see you guys in a while.”

“You want us to wait for you?”

Sasuke smiled at Jugo, shaking his head. “No, I won’t be long.” He watched them walk away, slower than they could be, but maybe they were tired. When they disappeared into his house, he went up the Uzumakis’ driveway. The black sedan was parked behind Naruto’s truck. He rang the doorbell, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He could do this. He’d almost  _ broke _ Suigetsu’s finger because Urushi was taking a  _ nap _ . He couldn’t. Couldn’t. 

“Hey.” It was Naruto, wearing his stupid froggy hat. Still in pajamas. Sasuke did his best not to feel too guilty. His smile helped. “How are you?”

Sasuke nodded, “fine. You?”

Naruto shrugged, “pretty good.”

He must be bored out of his mind. When they talked in the morning, it had just been for Naruto to tell him that he was grounded and that he wasn’t angry and that his dad really hadn’t hit him, which was nice. Sasuke had believed Mr. Uzumaki since he wasn’t known to be a liar. But it was still nice to hear confirmation. 

“Is your dad here?” Sasuke asked, remembering why he had shown up. It hadn’t been to stare at Naruto. It was. It was so he could stop being an idiot about so many things.  _ He’d thought Naruto was a would-be rapist _ . It was fucked up. Naruto nodded, and he walked inside, closing the front door behind him.

“He’s in the backyard,” he said, already halfway up the stairs. “I’m supposed to be in my room, so I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Sasuke said, watching him go. He almost broke Suigetsu’s fingers. He shook his head, walking down the hallway, spotting Mr. Uzumaki raking leaves. He should do that when he got home. “Mr. Uzumaki?” He said, leaning against the door frame.

“Oh, hey, kiddo.” He took an earbud from his left ear. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering if I could talk with you for a second? Maybe outside?”

Mr. Uzumaki just nodded, moving faster than anyone really had a right to. Sasuke should have probably mentioned that it wasn’t an emergency, but it didn’t matter. Before he could really register the movements, they were both standing outside, Mr. Uzumaki leaning against his car. 

“Is there something wrong, Sasuke?”

For a second, he considered turning around and just running to his house. But. He almost broke Suigetsu’s fingers and he’d thought Kakashi was going to beat him and that Naruto was going to. It wasn’t like Kakashi hadn’t counted to three a billion times before. It wasn’t like Naruto hadn’t straddled him before a thousand times. It’s not like Suigetsu had never held him. He might not be particularly smart, definietly not like Itachi, but even an idiot could see that there was something wrong. 

“Uh. I...” he shoved his fists in the sweater’s pocket, feeling the nails digging in. A bit harder than before. Softer than before. He unclenched his fists, feeling the fabric against his fingertips. He knew it was Naruto’s favorite sweater and even if the color was a little too much, Sasuke didn’t want to give it back. “I was--was just wondering if.” He cleared his throat, Mr. Uzumaki looked like a statue wearing a frown. “If I could take Urushi to the park too.”

“I’m sorry?”

Sasuke should have seen that one coming. Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t a mind reader and Sasuke had always been awkward in front of him. “I almost broke Getsu’s fingers. Urushi was sleeping and--and he looked dead.” His chest was tightening again. He glanced away, to the tree he climbed to get to Naruto’s bedroom. “And Getsu’s really...pale.” His fists were clenched again. “And yesterday.” He cleared his throat. “Kakashi said that you recommended someone for him. To. For help.”

“Of course,” Mr. Uzumaki said. If he was surprised, his voice didn’t betray him. “Of course, Sasuke--” 

“But I’m not.” Sasuke had climbed that tree so many times, he was sure he could do it blindfolded. The night he ran away had been so dark that he had practically done it. It was a wonder he hadn’t fallen off. “I’d rather keep it a secret,” he said. “For now.”

“Right,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “I can talk to her and maybe make an appointment for you, if you want. Or you might have to make the appointment yourself, I’m not sure yet.”

Sasuke nodded. “That’s okay. I don’t mind.” He didn’t. Did he? No, he didn’t. He needed to get a grip on himself. That’s all that mattered. Before he hurt someone else. “But,” he cleared his throat. “My dad won’t get in trouble, right?”

“Did...he do something to you?”

He shook his head. “From that time. I could just not mention it, but would it still work? I mean, if I’m not--” 

“Do you feel like you need to talk to someone about that time?”

He shook his head. He had been the one who asked Kakashi to hit him, so he wouldn’t have to go with someone else. At least he had managed to delay that for. For a couple of months. “No. Not from that time.” He chuckled, “there’s so much more now, anyway.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to her and let you know, okay? Is that okay?”

He nodded. “Mr. Uzumaki?” He took a deep breath. “How long is Naruto going to be grounded for?”

“The weekend, but we’re keeping the car until school starts again,” Mr. Uzumaki replied. “I’m sorry you got caught in it too, but you can see him on Monday.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Uzumaki.” He deserved to be grounded. “I could have said something faster. Sooner.” He was taking longer than he had expected. Suigetsu was probably starving by now. “Mr. Uzumaki...do you know how my brother got my phone number?”

“We’re...looking into it, Sasuke. Do you want a new number?”

It took awhile to shake his head. If Itachi really wanted to he’ll just get his new number and--and he didn’t really want to find out how he would react to that. “Thanks for all your help, Mr. Uzumaki, I really appreciate it.”

“Sasuke,” he said, like he was suddenly hit with a migraine. “Itachi called me earlier, he said he called Kakashi, too. He wants to talk to you, invited you to dinner--” 

“He called you guys to invite  _ me _ to dinner?” That was. Ridiculous. Itachi clearly had his phone number and he had called him. Already. At the station. It didn’t make sense. “Why?”

“He told me he didn’t want us to think he was trying anything sketchy with you and he also apologized for calling you so late, and for not sending Naruto away. He told Kakashi that as your legal guardian, he wanted to make sure it was okay with him; Kakashi told him that it depended on you. Do you want to go? I could also look into charging him with--”

“No!” He shook his head, quickly. He didn’t even know what Mr. Uzumaki could charge Itachi with, but he had to stay outside of jail if he was going to take over that fucking. Over the company. The last two times he’d seen Itachi. It had been. He’d been. Upset. And Itachi hadn’t. Exactly been too nice. But. It was his brother. It was complicated. “Yeah. Yeah, I do, see him, I mean--” 

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Of course, Mr. Uzumaki. He’s my brother. If I remember correctly, he used to cook well. Are you guys going to...show up too?”

“Do you want us to be?”

That. Eventually, he managed to shake his head. “No. I’d rather be there myself. I think Itachi would prefer that, too.” He smiled, “thanks, Mr. Uzumaki. I appreciate it. Did he say what time?”

“He said you could show up whenever you wanted.”

He nodded. “Thanks. Speaking of dinner, I should get going, I told Suigetsu I was going to make food.” For almost breaking his fingers. “Thanks for everything, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Mr. Uzumaki must have pulled that smile out of his. Hat. “Bye, kiddo.”

Sasuke waved, heading back home. Aware that Mr. Uzumaki was watching him, wouldn’t stop leaning against his car until Sasuke was inside the house, not thinking too much about why Mr. Uzumaki had been so. Anyway. He thought Itachi was just going to send someone to check up on him, like Mr. Hoshigaki, but. But apparently not. He even asked Mr. Uzumaki and Kakashi if that was okay, which. Which made sense. He was surprised that they both seemed okay with it. He’d been under the impression that Mr. Uzumaki hated him, but. But he shouldn’t. Maybe a little. He had gotten Naruto to show up in the middle of the night. Although, Naruto had been the one who showed up. It was hard to decide who was to blame. He could even. Even say that it was his own fault for not hearing his phone. He’d been sleeping. He was pretty sure he was supposed to be sleeping.

He locked the door, spotting Kakashi in the kitchen. “You’re making dinner?”

“Suigetsu wouldn’t stop complaining, he’s taking a shower now. Jugo took him,” Kakashi said. “You want to help?”

He washed his hands. There was a pot with noodles on the stove, brocolli and corns on the chopping board. Sasuke took out the eggs, figuring he could make an egg salad and sneak some more vegetables for Suigetsu in it, who never ate enough vegetables. If he cut them small enough, he wouldn’t even notice. 

“Itachi called--” 

Sasuke sneaked behind Kakashi, to reach for another chopping board. “I know, Mr. Uzumaki told me. I went to see Naruto, he’s still grounded. Until Monday. Is it,” he grabbed a knife. The sharpest one he could find. “Okay if I...want to go?”

“Do you?”

He’ll sneak in celeries and brocolli and sprouts and spinach. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Kinda.”

It took a moment for Kakashi to reply. Probably faster than it felt to Sasuke. It felt like years to him. “I can drive you,” Kakashi said. He sounded like someone was making him walk on hot coals. “And I do expect your phone to be on, Sasuke.”

“I know,” he replied. “I wouldn’t turn it off. Or drop it. Thanks, Kakashi.”

“Yeah. Of course.”

They prepared the rest of dinner in silence. Sasuke was too busy trying to make the vegetables disappear by cutting them into the tiniest pieces to think about much of anything. Kakashi was busy cutting things too, although Sasuke had no idea what. It didn’t matter. The ride to the motel was quiet too.

“Stay here for a second,” Kakashi said, once the car was parked. 

Sasuke nodded, watching Kakashi get out, a few steps later, knocking on the door. Itachi opened it, wearing. Glasses. Uh. Maybe Sasuke really did need glasses, too. Did Fugaku wear glasses? He didn’t know. Maybe he had. He couldn’t remember, not from his own memory and not from news coverage. 

Sasuke would have cracked open the door, just to hear what they were saying, because it looked like they were saying a lot, but. But that wasn’t a very nice thing to do. They talked for about five minutes, until Kakashi opened his door. Sasuke unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Call me when you want me to pick you up, okay?”

Sasuke nodded. For a second considering going home with him, but. Because. But. It was his brother. His only blood relative left. “Yeah. Thanks. I won’t stay too long.” He got out of the car, feeling a pat on his back. It should have been a hug. He bit back a sigh, he really had been an emotional wreck lately, hadn’t he?

Itachi wasn’t looking at him nearly as cold as he had been in the police station. He--he looked a little sleepy, actually, dark bags under his eyes that he did not have just. Yesterday. He walked inside, his chest. His chest was fine. The door was just closed. But it wasn’t locked. That was nice. “Were you wearing makeup at the police station?”

“Just to look presentable,” he said, walking to the kitchenette. “Do you still like tomatoes?”

The room was spotless. Or at least, one side of the room was. Itachi’s side, obviously. Mr. Hoshigaki’s side was decidedly more messy, but in his defense, anything compared to Itachi’s neatness would look messy. Compared to him, Sasuke was. A slob. “I already ate,” he said. Itachi had said for dinner, but. But they made good food at home. “But thank you.”

“Of course.” Itachi walked over. “You can sit down, if you want.”

Sasuke did, on the edge of the bed. Itachi sat opposite to him, on the other one. He actually looked exhausted, much like he must look himself. He could sympathize with. With that. Sleep deprivation. “Did you need something, Itachi?” He didn’t have much. But. But he could manage.

“Kisame said you were really polite.”

“Thank you.” He glanced away. Itachi had sent him on purpose. Like he. It had been stupid. He had been stupid. “He’s nice.” For someone who sold knives to high school students. 

The silence was. Different than the ones he was used to. It was worse than the silence from Kakashi because at least he knew him. “Did you invite me to stare at me?”

“No.” He said, pausing, “I just wanted to know if you wanted to know anything else.”

“Excuse me?” He asked, before the anger could really take a hold of him. “I’m pretty sure my three minutes have been up for over twenty-four hours.” He sounded like a brat. Because he was. But. But he hadn’t been able to stop those words from slipping out. 

“We were at the police station, Sasuke--” 

“You treated me like trash. You were only talking to me as a substitute for Mr. Uzumaki, even though you clearly have no problem talking to him! You called him, you could have just talked to him directly. And you talked to Naruto, too! They looked identical, if you know my phone number, you must know that he’s my boyfriend, and you still talked to him.  _ You made him tea! _ ” All of this was ridiculous. That had to. To be the only explanation. Nothing made sense otherwise. 

“He did most of the talking and somethings Minato can’t--” 

“Shut up!” He needed to reel his temper in. But the more he tried, the more the need to punch him in the face increased. “You would give me a thousand more nightmares if that meant keeping me safe? You can’t give me anymore, I need to sleep to get nightmares.” He couldn’t believe the words were straining through his clenched jaw. “If you could go ten years and not say a word to me, then you can go the rest of your life not talking to me again. Make sure when you take over, you find someone else to take over when you’re dead.” By some miracle, his face was dry, even with the tightening throat, chest. 

“Sasuke, I couldn’t talk--” 

“Stop. It doesn’t matter. If, for some reason, you care about me, even a little, then stop talking and leave me alone, and if you don’t care, then just kill me and get it over with--” 

“Don’t say that, you’re emoti--” 

“Of course I am! I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t even lay down on my back. I almost broke my best friend’s fingers because he was holding me. I just found out the brother I’ve mourned for ten years is alive and hates me--” 

“I don’t--” 

“More than he already did.” He swallowed. It was difficult. It didn’t matter. “I’m glad you’re here and you are taking the company, and I’m glad that you have enough sketchy friends to know they probably won’t get murdered by someone.” It. Had Mr. Hoshigaki stalked Suigetsu? It wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be surprsing anymore. “But I don’t want anything to do with you. For all I care, Itachi Uchiha was murdered ten years ago.”

He didn’t know how he managed to get out of the motel room. Probably something to do with Itachi remaining. It was nice of him. It was nicer than holding him back and screaming back at him. Sitting down, his face blanked. He closed the door, taking his phone out as he slipped to the floor. Kakashi picked up on the first ring. 

“Sasuke?”

He bit down on his lip. “Can...can you come pick me up?”

“I’ll be there in five.”

Kakashi’s voice somehow managed to pass the ringing in his ears. “Don’t hang up.” So demanding. Such a brat. 

“I’ll keep you on speaker.”

A great idea. Kakashi needed to keep both hands on the wheel. The last thing he needed. Was. No. No. Both hands on the wheel. Safe driving. “Thanks.”

Kakashi was listening to Christmas Carols. Jingle bells. It was almost Christmas. He hadn’t even thought about what he was going to get for their joke present. Last year, he’d gotten Urushi a cat luring toy that he destroyed in three seconds, and he’d gotten Kakashi a fake distillation set-up and a black hat because according to pop culture, every chemistry teacher was only really cooking meth. He didn’t have anything. This year. Hadn’t prepared anything. Too busy being an idiot.

“I’m pulling up. Do you want me to get out?”

“No,” he said, looking up, spotting the car’s beams before the car stopped moving. He pushed himself off the ground, ending the call. The car was right in front of him, anyway. He climbed on, biting his lower lip harder. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Kakashi replied, doing a U-turn and pulling out to the street. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay.” The red light made the car stopped. “Do you want a hug?”

“ _ No _ .”

“Okay. I’m here if you need something.”

Sasuke turned the volume louder and stared at the window, letting the carols drown him. The crescent marks on his palm were. A good focal point. It wasn’t harsh enough, but. But it cleared his mind. Somewhat. Not too well. He needed something more. He didn’t know how he hadn’t realized how the majority of the houses in their streets already had Christmas lights on. Of course they did. They should get on that. Sometime. The car stopped. Their house looked so dead. Fitting, he supposed.

“Do you want us to stay here for a little bit?”

“You can leave.”

“I’m not leaving you out here by yourself, Sasuke. You have to go in eventually--”

“I’m not, so you can just leave.” If he was lucky, he could just freeze to death. The nights weren’t as cold in California, but by some miracle, maybe it would be cold enough. He heard the door opening and. And he ignored. He dug his nails deeper. But he didn’t see Kakashi walking up to the driveway. He turned, some of the window covered by his back.

He clenched his jaw, unbuckling his seatbelt, and resting his forehead on the dashboard. When he opened his eyes again, he was. On his bed. Or Kakashi’s bed, judging by the firmer mattress. He pulled the covers over his head, shutting his eyes. He’d been such an asshole to Kakashi, and he still carried him all the way upstairs and gave him his bed. He was. Was such a brat. He couldn’t just stop, could he? Maybe he could just stay there for the rest of his life. What did he really have anymore, anyway?

He’d gotten his boyfriend grounded. He’d hurt his best friend. He’d been an asshole to Kakashi. At the rate he was going, even his dog would hate him eventually. Or maybe he already did. He always thought dogs never hated people, even if they really deserved it. He scooted to the edge of the bed, sticking his head out, the bedroom’s cool air a sharp contrast to the warmth underneath the blankets.

“Urushi,” he whispered. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d called him. But a second later, he heard soft  _ tap _ s, louder each second. Sasuke raised the blankets, and Urushi leaped onto the bed. He dropped the blankets. It must look amusing. From. From the outside, just a bunch of blankets getting new lumps as Urushi circled the bed to make a comfortable spot. 

Urushi was such a stupid dog, still coming when called by him. Like he hadn’t abandoned him for weeks. When did it become animal neglect? Urushi was a stupid dog, licking the stupid tears off his face, his tail thumping against the mattress.

“Sasuke, breakfast’s down--” 

“Not hungry.” He should probably get out of Kakashi’s bed. But his body seemed to be glued to it. And he had been the idiot who put him there in the first place, anyway. And Urushi was there, too.

“At least drink some wat--” 

“No.” 

He might have heard a sigh. “Jugo and Suigetsu are outside putting up Christmas stuff, if you want to help.”

There was. His throat again. “No.”

“Okay.” 

He heard Kakashi leaving. And then, he heard footsteps again. He clutched the sheet, in case someone tried to take it off. But then he heard fading foosteps again. He poked his head out staring at his water bottle, on the bedside table. He glanced at the door, opened, but no one was around. He grabbed it and threw the covers over, somehow finding himself curled up, almost a smaller ball than Urushi. He barely had enough time to bite down on his arm before his shoulders shook. 

He hicupped. It hurt. He couldn’t stop. Somehow, he clawed his way out to the air. But. But. It didn’t help. He reached for the water bottle, somehow, not sure, but somehow, managing to get the cap off. But his throat closed off and he couldn’t do. Anything except puke the water out. The water stopped, but hot bile was crawling out. His stomach contracted. 

“Sasuke, did you eat or drink anything in the motel?”

He shook his head. It was Kakashi. He made such a mess on. On his bed. He was going. Kakashi was going to.

“Can I hold you?”

He must have nodded his head because the next thing he knew, he wasn’t on his hands and knees anymore. The circles were. It was Kakashi. Just Kakashi.

“You know, you don’t have to tell me anything, but maybe you should consider talking to someone.” It was hard to miss the pleading tone.

Why did people feel so exhausted after crying? It was stupid. Crying was stupid, too. He must be leaning against his chest, he couldn’t see him very well. The only thing he could really focus was the mess he’d made. On Kakashi’s bed. He couldn’t just let Kakashi catch a break, could he? A snotty teenager and a messy bed. 

“I’m sorry.” The silence dragged on. Sasuke was a coward, so he shut his eyes; he was also an asshole, so he. He leaned closer to him. 

“It’s okay, I was going to wash them.”

“I can...do it.”

“You could,” Kakashi said. Sasuke felt a hand on his head. “But maybe you can just take a shower instead. I’ll wash the sweater, too.”

“No.” He didn’t know what he was saying no to. It didn’t matter. “Not yet.” The headache wasn’t even a headache anymore, it just felt like someone was stabbing his brain. A lot. It was okay. It didn’t matter. “I didn’t eat anything in the motel.”

“You mentioned.”

Sasuke would have loved to say that it was because he wasn’t an idiot. But it was just because he had been a brat. “I told him not to talk to me ever again,” he drew in a breath. Kakashi’s hold tightened, for a brief second, before it loosened again. “I kinda said his friends were criminals--” 

“How do you know?”

Sasuke must have shrugged. Or his shoulders shook. Again. “Getsu told me that one of his friends, the guy who gave me a ride, sold him a knife once.” The silence. Dragged on. Again. Sasuke shut his eyes, waiting for. It would be understandable. He’d gotten in a car with someone who sold knives to underage kids. 

“Oh.” Kakashi said. “For how much?”

He blinked. “Really? That’s what you’re concerned about? I could have died.”

Kakashi sighed. “I’m trying not to think about that, Sasuke.”


	24. Chapter 24

Sasuke didn’t think that he would show up a few minutes passed midnight on Naruto’s balcony. But it was technically Monday. He didn’t want to get in trouble with his parents, but. But Kakashi was a quiet sleeper, and he. The silence was eerie at night. He’d sneaked off, in the back of his mind knowing that Kakashi might actually consider hitting him a little when he read the note he left, but. But at least he left a note. And he couldn’t sleep. Not with the words he told Itachi crashing against his skull everytime he so much as blinked. 

He’d been such an asshole. 

He hadn’t meant it, he didn’t think, not really. Itachi was his brother, and Naruto was his boyfriend, and. And it was perfectly reasonable for them to talk. Maybe not in the middle of the night, but. But it was understandable. It was fine. And. And he would rather not think his brother was dead again. He hadn’t meant that part. 

He knocked on the door, quickly shoving his hands inside the sweater. Maybe Naruto would ask for it back. He knew he had to give it back, of course. But. But he might just not. He was already an awful person. He might as well keep the sweater. He knocked again, wishing he could see through the curtains, at least through a small peek. He knocked again. The curtains opened. Naruto’s study hat had apparently become his sleeping hat. Naruto opened the door and Sasuke slipped inside. 

“You know I’m still grounded,” Naruto said, after closing the door and joining Sasuke on his bed. “It’s--” 

“It’s technically Monday,” Sasuke said, taking out his phone and passing it to Naruto. It was clearly Monday. It still counted, even if it was only ten minutes into Monday. 

Naruto stared at him. “I really like you, but if my parents find out, you’re on your own with them.”

Sasuke had to. To consider that for a moment. Naruto’s parents were always so nice to him, even. Even when he didn’t deserved it. He hadn’t deserved their kindness for the last couple of days, and yet. Yet. They remained kind to him. But. But it was technically Monday. He nodded, trying to convince himself that it was okay. He wanted to sleep a little more and he’d missed Naruto. They lived so close to each other and. He crawled underneath the blankets, laying on his side, and closing his eyes, just in time for a hand--Naruto’s hand--settling on his stomach. 

“You really like that sweater, don’t you?”

Sasuke scooted closer. For some reason, Naruto’s pillow was more comfortable than his own, or than Kakashi’s. He. He might just take it, too. Just for a bit. “I don’t like the color.”

“Have you taken it off recently?”

To take a shower today. Sasuke had. It wasn’t his fault that Kakashi had wanted to wash it. Obviously, it needed to be washed. But. But not in their house. He was pretty sure the Uzumakis had a different laundry detergent. And. And it made a difference, no matter how much Kakashi said it didn’t. It was. Was a little troubling, but. But it had nothing to do with anything, it was just that the sweater was comfortable, and Sasuke liked to wear it. “Kakashi washed it today.”

Naruto chuckled. “Why do you sound so pissed off?”

“Because he shouldn’t have grabbed it!” He would have crossed his arms, but he was too comfortable. The hand slipped to his hair, making it just that much easier to close his eyes.

“I don’t mean to start a fight,” Naruto said. Sasuke bit back a sigh. “But are you sure this is about the sweater?”

“Of course it is, idiot. Go to sleep, I’m tired.”

“I’m only dropping it because I know how cranky you are when you’re tired,” Naruto said, although he didn’t stop playing with his hair. 

It didn’t matter. Sasuke just closed his eyes. For the most managing to relax. Until he heard his phone buzzing. It was on Naruto’s side, but Naruto was clearly asleep, snoring softly, his stupid lips parted. So, he reached over and grabbed it. The ‘Dad’ was flashing on the screen. It was two in the morning. 

“Hi,” he said, softly, lowering the screen’s brightness. 

“Please tell me what I have to do to stop you from doing stupid things at two in the morning.”

“I left a note,” Sasuke said. “I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“Why would you think it’s okay to leave right now?” Kakashi sounded. Exhausted. Sounded upset.

It made him feel like an asshole. “I’m sorry--” 

“I don’t want you to apologize, I want to know  _ why _ .”

“I wanted to see Na--” 

“He’s grounded.”

“It’s Monday.” 

Kakashi sighed, “I don’t believe that you’re stupid enough to know that Monday at midnight is not when the grounding stops. It doesn’t even matter because now  _ you _ ’re grounded--” 

“Why?”

“Because you left at an ungodly hour without permission, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “It’s not safe, not for anyone, but especially not for you. I want you home by eigth in the morning, understand?”

“I don’t want--” 

“I don’t care.” Kakashi sighed, “I want you home by eight in the morning. Do we understand each other?”

Sasuke hung up and turned his phone off, letting it drop to the ground. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep anymore. Just staring at the bathroom door, feeling Naruto ocasionally shift closer. He was a good cuddler, even while passed out. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t realized when Naruto left to find Itachi, considering that his hand never moved away, kept holding him, even when he was somehow closer to the edge of the bed than to Sasuke’s back.

His eyes strayed to the door when it opened. It was barely six in the morning, but. But Mrs. Uzumaki was standing by the doorframe, staring right at him, motioning with two fingers. Sasuke slipped out of Naruto’s hold, tiptoeing to the door, closing it behind him, and following Mrs. Uzumaki downstairs. The house looked empty. Quiet. 

Mrs. Uzumaki handed him a glass of water. “Your dad called.”

“He’s not my dad,” Sasuke replied. Without thinking. It made him feel rotten. But. But it was almost Christmas, and Kakashi didn’t have to ground him, and he wouldn’t have had to come if he hadn’t washed the sweater in the first place. Sasuke would have waited, but. But Kakashi just had to wash it. 

“Come on, Sasuke, let’s go sit in the living room for a little bit,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, holding a glass of water in her hands, too. She walked pass him, and after a second, he followed her, taking a seat on a different couch then she did. “Do you want to share anything that’s on your mind?”

Sasuke set the empty glass on the ground. He shouldn’t have. Drank the water so fast because now, he didn’t. Didn’t have anything else. To do. “I don’t have anything on my mind, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“You can trust me, Sasuke.”

“I do,” he replied, without thinking. It was hard not to. She had a sweet smile and a soft voice and kind eyes. It was hard not to trust someone like that. Like his. Like his. He moved to the floor, so he could bring his knees up without putting his feet on the couch. “I do. But there’s nothing in my head. I--I haven’t been able to think. Not anymore. Sorry, Mrs. Uzumaki.” He glanced to the hallway. “And I’m sorry for. For not.” He needed to focus. Just on the apology. Just needed to think properly for an apology. “Naruto didn’t invite me tonight, I just showed up. Technically, it was pass mindignight, so technically it was Monday, but I know that’s what you guys meant. And I’m sorry for being so mean the day you found me, I didn’t appreciate it back then, but I’m really grateful you did find me. And I’m sorry for calling you and Mr. Uzumaki annoying. I shouldn’t have. You guys aren’t annoying.” He was just stupid.

“It’s--” 

He scrambled to his feet. “I have to go, Mrs. Uzumaki. I’m sorry. Da--Kakashi said I needed to be back home. Soon.” It was still not close to eigth, but he couldn’t do this. She was so much like his own. He couldn’t do it. “Have a good day, Mrs. Uzumaki,” he said, already out the door. 

He ran back home, knocking on the door, not at all surrpised when Kakashi opened it with dark bags under his eyes. Sasuke slipped inside, closing the door behind him. 

Kakashi extended his hand, “phone.”

Sasuke took it out, but didn’t hand it over. “It’s almost Christmas, you can’t ground me. It’s almost my birthday!” Of course, Kakashi could ground him, regardless of the day, but. But. It was almost Christmas.

“I know,” Kakashi sighed, sounding tired. Tired of dealing with a stupid, petulant child. “You should have thought about that sooner. Phone.”

For a second, Sasuke considered just. Just walking away. But even if Kakashi had washed the sweater, he still shouldn’t have walked out. It had been dangerous. And stupid. With a sigh, he handed it over, shoving his hands in his pockets as soon as the phone was out of his grip. “Happy?”

Kakashi sighed, again. “Of course not. I don’t actually enjoy grounding you and I really don’t appreciate worrying about you in the middle of the night when you should be asleep, or at least in bed, or at the very least inside the house. So, no, I’m not happy, Sasuke.” He pocketed the phone. “Why? Are you happy?”

Sasuke just stared down at the ground. Of course he wasn’t. If. If he allowed himself to be honest, just for a second, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling anymore, except. Except the simmers of anger trying to boil over. Probably at himself. “Can I go?”

“Suigetsu and Jugo are still asleep in your room. So you get to be in the living room,” he said. “And while you’re sitting there, you can think of a way to explain to them why exactly they came across the country just so you could get grounded.”

Something in his throat got squeezed, but it was okay. He managed to make it to the living room. At least he could put his feet up in this couch and stick them under Urushi for warmth. He pulled the sleeves over his hands. Also for warmth. It was December and. And the house was considerably colder than he could have ever imagined. Heating was too expensive. He pulled the hood over his head, and wrapped the scarf laying on the couch around his neck, tightening it. For warmth. 

Kakashi was right, though. He’d made both of them show up and. And he hadn’t exactly spent that much time with them. They left their families to spend time with him, and. And he just. He turned, hiding his face against the couch, away from the world, or. At least as much as he could. 

Why had he said that to Itachi? Sure, he was a little. Of course, he didn’t have much of a right to be angry about anything. It’s not like he could tell Itachi with whom he could talk. If he tried to do that to Naruto, he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be a good relationship anymore. He didn’t want to be like that. He just. He just wanted answers. Just for once in his life. 

There was a hand on his shoulder. “Sasuke--” 

“If I’m grounded, the least you can do is leave me the fuck alone, Kakashi.”

“Watch the language.”

Sasuke huffed. “Why? What are you going to do? Slap me? Go ahead, I fucking hate you already anyway.”

He heard him walk away. And again, he was left with. With something on his chest. He was almost sure it was anger, but it could have been guilt. If he could just sleep a little, maybe he could begin to. To figure out why he was being so stupid. He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew, someone was poking his back. Not Kakashi though. 

“Stop.”

“Heard you were grounded,” Suigetsu said. “But we’re not, so we’re watching movies. Do you have any preferences?”

Sasuke turned around, scooting back so Suigetsu could sit between his stomach and the edge of the couch. “No. You guys can just pick. I am grounded and I’m not supposed to be watching tv.”

Jugo was leaning against the couch, petting Urushi between the ears, presumably trying to find something interesting to watch. “Your dad left,” he said. “He did take your phone, but he said we could watch something. I think maybe he was feeling bad.”

“Good,” Sasuke said, without giving it much thought. He had just wanted to see his boyfriend, it’s not like they lived seventy miles away. He wouldn’t have gone seen him in the first place if Kakashi hadn’t taken the stupid sweater and washed it, so it was really his fault. He spotted Suigetsu’s phone in his pocket and he reached out for it, punching his pin number, not surprised he hadn’t changed it. 42069. It was stupid, but it was Suigetsu. “Do you know any other sketchy people?”

“I’m pretty sure you being grounded means you can’t use anyone’s phone,” Jugo said, apparently having settled on a movie about...a stalker in a red dress. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s none of your business,” Sasuke replied, as he scrolled through Suigetsu’s contacts. “Are--” 

“Hey, don’t be mean to Jugo. We weren’t the ones who grounded you.”

Sasuke almost kicked Suigetsu off the couch. But. He sighed. “I know, I’m just.” He sighed, again, sitting up. He was being such an asshole, it was making his skin crawl, but the realization. It was doing nothing else than make him angrier. He just. He knew he didn’t. He shouldn’t be. There was no one except himself to be angry at. He’d been the one to walk out on Itachi, and. And even if his brother hadn’t exactly promised to tell him anything useful, it was. It was still his fault for walking out and not hearing any. He could have gotten answers. But now, he couldn’t. He just wanted something. Why had Mr. Uzumaki killed that man, anyway? It wasn’t necessary. It was rude and. And unecessary. Sasuke could have asked him everything he needed to and he. He would have given him answers. But none of that could happen now, because Mr. Uzumaki had just  _ shot _ him, apparently. Apparently not caring that Sasuke needed him. It was. It was mean. He shook his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

Jugo nodded. “I know. I forgive you, but if you don’t want us to meddle in your life, you could stop being passive aggresive and tell us.”

“I do. You guys aren’t meddling anyway.” Not like. Not like everyone else in his life. He laid back down, “I’m just tired.”

Suigetsu grabbed his phone back. “I could go get you sleeping pills. Natural ones, non-perscription ones. I mean, I guess I could get you prescription ones, too, but I don’t know many people here.”

“You know Mr. Hoshigaki.” Sasuke was pretty sure that they shared a look, Jugo and Suigetsu. 

“Do you want me to call him?”

They could. But. But if Itachi held a grudge, which he probably did, and didn’t want to talk to him, then. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t do anything much, but. He just couldn’t. The only thing he wanted was to go back in time and stop Mr. Uzumaki from shooting him. Killing him. Murdering him. “No,” he said. “It’s okay. I’m just going to...take a nap.”

“You don’t want to see the movie?”

Sasuke would have smiled at Jugo, but Suigetsu was on the way anyway. “I’m tired.” And that was that. Until he felt a poke on his ribs. Not a gentle poke, either. He opened his eyes, not at all surprised that it was Suigetsu. “What?”

Suigetsu shifted to turn to look at him, although his eyes went to the kitchen for a minute. Sasuke could only assume that Jugo had gone to make popcorn or something. “You know, I wouldn’t be saying this, but if you’re going to make Jugo go through what he did with Kimmimaro, I’m actually going to kick your ass.”

Sasuke shoved him. Hard. But he didn’t budge. “I’m not going to off myself,” he said. “I’m just--” 

“Tired. I know. How do you think he felt?” Jugo must be in the kitchen because Suigetsu’s voice was hardly above a whisper. “I know that I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but being mean to people isn’t going to make you feel better. Especially being mean to Jugo.”

“I know. I know, I didn’t mean it. I don’t mean anything.” He didn’t even know what he was feeling. 

“I know you’re grounded, but--” 

“Stop,” he said, turning around. It was uncomfortable, but it didn’t matter. If he tried hard enough, maybe he would be lucky enough to be swallowed by the couch. There was another jab on his ribs, but he didn’t care. Suigetsu was just being an annoying. 

“You need to talk to someone.” 

A slap on his butt. It didn’t hurt. Obviously. It was Suigetsu. Being annoying. “Can you just let me take a nap?”

“Will you think about it, at least?”

“I already did.” He had asked Mr. Uzumaki--had told him. To talk to a stupid therapist for him. Like everything hadn’t been half of Mr. Uzumaki’s fault. No. No. It was just his own fault. He didn’t know what was his fault, not anymore, could barely. Anyway. It was not. “The answer is no, so you can just drop it.”

“You’re being an idiot and I’m worried about you.”

“Can you please just leave me alone?”

“Yeah, but only because Jugo is coming back,” he said. And he did. 

And Sasuke could just pretend to be asleep. Until he couldn’t anymore. And he made his way to the kitchen, to make them dinner. Or lunch. Just food. He made a salad and steamed rice and then went to sit with them on the couch, in between Jugo and the Christmas tree, to pretend that he was watching the movie. A movie. And another one. It was getting late and Kakashi wasn’t back yet, and it was fine, it wasn’t like Kakashi didn’t sometimes leave, but. He rubbed his eyes. His emotions were all over the place and. He just wanted it to stop. If Kakashi had finally decided to leave.

No one could blame him, of course, but. 

But the last thing Sasuke told him was that he hated him. He didn’t. He was just being a brat, he hadn’t meant anything. But. But maybe Kakashi hated him, and. That was. Fair. Understandable. But. But as selfish as it sounded, he just wanted to see him to tell him that he didn’t actually hate him.

He excused himself to the shower, opting for Kakashi’s. It was. Stupid, he knew, but. But it didn’t matter because Kakashi wasn’t there. It was fine. He took a quick shower, shoving his head through Naruto’s sweater again. Heading to the window, pulling the curtains back, just to check, but. But Kakashi’s car was still not there. With a sigh, he locked the door, and picked up the house phone, dialing Kakashi’s cell phone number.

He hung up when it went to voicemail. Was this some roundabout way to punish him? Show him how shitty it felt? It was almost nine, the night was pitch black, it was. It had been hours since Kakashi left. He dialed the phone again, holding his breath.

It went to voicemail. Again. “Look, I learned my lesson. Not knowing when people are sucks, I get it. Can you just come home?”

But he didn’t.

It was midnight when he called him again. “Kakashi, honestly. This isn’t funny anymore. I get it, I promise I won’t run away ever again. Just come back. Or at least pick up the phone.”

But Kakashi didn’t. 

If he had his phone, he could text him, and at least see whether he was reading the texts and just ignoring him, which. Which was acceptable. Sasuke had been an asshole to him. He deserved this, but. But it was almost three in the morning. 

And Kakashi wasn’t home. 

“Please, just come home.” He pulled the pillow closer to his chest. “I’m sorry, okay? I promise I’ll be good, I won’t swear or cuss ever again, and I won’t be a brat anymore. Just come back.” He closed his eyes. “Don’t do this to me, I’m sorry.”

At five in the morning, he moved the pillow and blanket towards the window, dragging Kakashi’s desk chair to it. With the blanket around his shoulders, the coldness seeping through the window wasn’t as icy as it could have been. It wouldn’t be enough to freeze him. He watched cars drive across their street, but none of them were Kakashi’s car and none of them stopped in their driveway. 

It was useless.

“Dad, please just come back, I’m sorry. I don’t hate you. I won’t do anything wrong ever again, I promise. Just come back. I’ll be good. I swear.” 

He hung up, flopping down on the bed. Kakashi ditched him and it was fine. It was. He had already stolen a decade out of his life, and he was almost an adult, so Kakashi didn’t have to take care of him anymore. But he just wanted to apologize to him. In person. 

This was just like with Fugaku. Of course. He had hated him, after that Halloween weekend. He had meant it, too, because it had  _ hurt _ . A lot. And no matter what he said, they wouldn’t stop, and so. So, he hated Fugaku for sending him there. But. But it hadn’t been Fugaku’s fault and. And he could have died thinking that Sasuke hated him.

And now, Kakashi was gone and. And he couldn’t tell him that he didn’t hate him. 

He had just been a brat. He hadn’t meant anything. 

Kakashi could be dead and. And he. 

The phone rang. “Dad?”

“Mr. Uzumaki, Sasuke.” 

He groaned, keeping the phone near his ear, but pressing his face on the pillow. “Good morning, Mr. Uzumaki. How can I help you?”

“Good...morning, Sasuke, sorry for calling so early,” Mr. Uzumaki said, speaking slowly, like Sasuke was an idiot. Which he was. But it still grated on his nerves. “I...was just calling to let you know I talked to Dr. Uzuki and--” 

Sasuke hung up. It didn’t matter anymore. If Kakashi was gone. Or. If he was gone or dead, it didn’t matter. He could finally jump off a cliff, if that was the case, and. And if he did. Then, then it didn’t matter if he went to a stupid therapist or not. It didn’t even matter that he had just told Suigetsu that he wasn’t going to kill himself because. He’d be dead. Kakashi had a razor in his bathroom. It wasn’t that far away. 

Soon. He just needed to. To wait a bit more. For Kakashi, to see if he’d come back. He probably would not. It was okay. It wasn’t okay. The phone went off again. He picked the call up. And hung up. He stared at it for a moment, before pressing his dad’s number again. 

“Dad, please just call me. I need to apologize. Just let me apologize, I don’t hate you. I got it, okay? I promise, I won’t do anything wrong ever again, I’ll stay grounded until I go off to college, I won’t even go to college if you don’t want, or I will go to college in another country, so you don’t have to see me again, I--I,” he turned on his side. “It’s almost Christmas, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything. Just come back. I’ll make it up ot you, I won’t even do anything ever again. You can’t leave.”

He could. He should. But. Sasuke was a selfish kid and he couldn’t have. Have Kakashi leave, too. 

Why did everything just keep getting worse? Why did he keep making everything worse? Mistakes just kept piling up on top of each other and he didn’t know how to make anything better. Just as he was apologizing for something, he’d messed up again, and the tower would just get bigger and less balanced, and he couldn’t. Just like he’d finally apologized to Mrs. Uzumaki, he’d fuck--messed up Kakashi. Of course, he couldn’t even remember if Mrs. Uzumaki had accepted the apology, and Mr. Uzumaki had said that they should all talk together, except now, he’d hung up on him, and Kakashi was still gone. It was. He couldn’t. Couldn’t do it. 

The door knob rattled. Probably Suigetsu. Or Jugo. Might just be Urushi. Sasuke was an idiot. “Open the door.”

Kakashi.

He rushed to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. Kakashi wasn’t dead, but Sasuke clearly looked like he’d been crying like a stupid baby. One look in the mirror, and he looked exactly how he used to look when he was seven and very much a stupid crybaby. He blew his nose, throwing the paper on the toilet and flushing it, before he washed his face again. He rushed to the door just in time to stop the fourth knock, opening it. 

The smell of alcohol hit him before anything else. He. He had. Kakashi had gotten drunk. He never got drunk. But. But. Now, he had. Practically a whole day inside a bar. It. He kept his eyes down, stepping to the side so Kakashi could get to his bed, the one he’d taken over because. Because he was an idiot. 

“Come here,” Kakashi said. 

Sasuke closed the door. Locking it. Walking to the bed, but not sitting down. It was Kakashi’s bed. He glanced up, holding his breath when he spotted Kakashi’s bruised lip. “What--” 

“I hit a pole,” he said. “I might have sprained my wrist, can you get the medical kit?”

Sasuke rushed back to the bathroom, not taking long to find it. He wetted a towel, with water as cold as he could, and headed back to the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping Kakashi’s hand, just as he had done a few days before for him. 

“I don’t think you hate me, Sasuke.”

It was funny. Kakashi reeked of alcohol, but his words weren’t slurred. He taped the bandage, watching him pull his hand back, to rest it on his chest. “Then why did you get drunk?”

Kakashi sighed, “sometimes, adults just get drunk, Sasuke--” 

“Because of me.”

Another sigh. “No, just--sometimes, adults just drink. You know, teachers actually have a very high possibility of drinking irresponsibly? It’s absolutely crazy, but with so much grading, it makes sense, now.”

“You could have called.”

“I know,” Kakashi said. “I’m sorry I worried you, it wasn’t my intention.”

“Don’t apologize!” He cleared his throat. “It was my fault. I promise I won’t swear again, and I’m sorry I said I hated you. I really don’t.”

“I know, Sasuke, it’s okay.”

“It’s not! Stop saying it’s okay. I got you drunk, and drunk enough to walk into a pole and burst your lip and sprained your wrist!” What kind of pole could even do that anyway? He must have been completely blacked out, and Kakashi didn’t even drink wine at the end of a long day, never ordered anything during happy hour, never even went to happy hour, he’d been so insulted that time he had to go to an AA meeting, and now. Now. 

“You didn’t make me get drunk, Sasuke. I chose to do so, okay? I realize you probably have not slept, but can you try to? You look exhausted.” He patted the space next to him, and Sasuke, like a stupid kid, went to lay down next to him. 


	25. Chapter 25

“You have my brother’s phone now?”

Kakashi pocketed the phone. “He told you not to talk to him again--” 

“He was being emotional. He’s probably feeling guilty about it, already,” Itachi said. Closing the door.

Kakashi stuck his foot out. “It doesn’t matter if he feels guilty or not. Until he decides to reach out to you, leave him alone, Itachi. He doesn’t need this right now.”

If Itachi was just a tiny bit more expressive, he might have sighed as he opened the door again, but his face remained void of emotion. “You should leave, Kakashi. I have friends over.”

“Oh, yeah, I bet. You settled in so quickly.” He shook his head, staring at the house. No longer the motel, but a house--a ranch, really. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but stop trying to talk to Sasuke. Okay?”

Itachi stared at him, before moving to his side. “Why don’t we talk about this over tea?”

From his position, he could see shoes on the stairs, someone halting there. They were black, dressing shoes. Friends. There was a soft whistle coming from inside the house. “There’s nothing to talk about. Stop annoying Sasuke, Itachi.”

“I don’t think you’re quite understanding the situation you’ve found yourself in,” Itachi sighed, slipping his hands under his jacket and pulling out a black gun. “Why don’t you step inside and we can discuss some things over tea? Or I can just shoot you and Sasuke can...go to foster care. I can’t imagine that he handed his phone just like that, so he can go to foster care while also thinking you abandoned him, after a fight. If I were you, I’d go with the tea.”

When Itachi had called him to tell him that Sasuke had willingly gotten inside a stranger’s car and that he should watch out for him more, he hadn’t exactly expected to so quickly become acquantanced with some of his friends that were presumably going to keep him alive so that Sasuke didn’t have to worry about the company. It made sense now, of course; the gun cleared most of his doubts. He stepped inside, hearing the door close behind him. Ingenius, really. Having criminals watching his back was something Fugaku should have considered. 

The inside of the house was empty. Kakashi would have thought it was because Itachi had just moved in, but there were no moving boxes and it hadn’t been that long since he picked up Sasuke in that motel. The shoes were gone. The person wearing them was quiet enough, or the gun was distracting enough, to disappear without a single sound. There was a single couch pressed against the wall, an ugly, green color. He had assumed Itachi had better taste, but clearly not. 

“Before you sit down, I need your shirt and scarf. If you don’t mind.”

Kakashi did mind, but he unwrapped the scarf and took his shirt off, turning around, and throwing them on the ground, by Itachi’s feet. “Do you need my jeans too?”

“Maybe later,” Itachi replied, kicking everything back, down the hallway. “Though I certainly hope not.” He put the gun away. “Sit down. I’ll go make some tea. Do yourself a favor and don’t try anything stupid.”

Kakashi watched him leave, a second later, sitting down. The couch was uncomfortable and with his shirt gone, the house was a little too cold. If he had thought Itachi would have answered, he would have asked why he even needed his shirt, but Itachi had proven that he was well-versed talking in riddles, and he simply had no energy to decipher them.

His attention snapped to the backyard, the door opening. It was a tall man, with a shark tattoo on his neck. 

“Kakashi, right?”

He bit back a sigh, “and you are?”

“Well, your kid called me Mr. Hoshigaki, but most people just call me Kisame.”

“Ah. You’re the one who gave him a ride that day,” Kakashi said, eyeing him better. Just further proof that Sasuke was working on making terrible decisions, probably with the hope, realized or not, of just dying. Itachi hadn’t sent him a photo of the stranger, of course, so Kakashi had allowed himself to believe that it was just a nice looking fellow who happened to have a tattoo of a shark. But the man looked exactly like a man from whom no one should accept a car ride. “He mentioned you.”

“Sweet kid, polite,” Kisame replied. “A little stupid, but Uchihas are not known to make the best decisions.”

Kakashi glanced at the direction of the kitchen. It hadn’t looked like it even had running water, but Itachi had been gone for awhile, and he wasn’t trying anything stupid, but he would like his shirt back. He would have agreed with Kisame because Sasuke  _ had _ been making emotionally-charged, dangerous choices, but agreeing with him made him feel like an even worse guardian than he already did. 

“Still, it would be a shame if something happened to him.” 

Punching one of Itachi’s friends was surely consider stupid. “Is there a reason you’re trying to make conversation?”

“Just trying to take a page out of your kid’s book and be polite, don’t mind me.” With a shrug, he walked away, presumably towards the kitchen, but there was no way to be sure.

He waited, but there weren’t any footsteps, coming or going. He walked towards the back door, pulling back the curtains. There was still light outside, but it did nothing to brighten up the day. It would be dark soon, and he should be heading back home. Itachi might have pulled a gun on him, but Kakashi seriously doubted that he’d prevent him from going home, back to his little brother. It had been a cute bluff, really. If something did happen to him, Itachi would take Sasuke in a heartbeat, would never let him land in foster care. He was too precious to Itachi, both as a convenience and responsibility. 

He let the curtain cover the glass door, turning around as he heard someone approaching him from behind. Apparently too slow to see who slammed him against the door. He stomped his foot down, somewhat satsfied at the soft groan against his ear. He reached behind him, digging his nails into what he could only assume was a torso. If only he hadn’t let the curtain cover the glass door, he would have been able to get a look at what was happening with the reflection. His other hand was grabbed, but he could improvise with his elbows and free fist. 

A hand went up to his neck. “Think about your kid.” Sounded like Kisame. So much for tea. “What’s going to happen to him if you don’t calm down and stop hitting me?”

Kakashi let his free hand fall to his side. Maybe if Sasuke hadn’t told him he hated him, he would have fought more, but if he was killed, he couldn’t have Sasuke carrying that guilt with him for the rest of his life. He couldn’t have him thinking that he’d abandoned him either. He took two steps back, as the hand in his throat so helpfully suggested with a tightened hold. He watched the curtain be pulled back, a man in a red sweater, like the one Itachi wore that first night in the station, step inside. There was a click from the lock. 

“Now we’re running a brothel?” The man’s voice was...high. Annoying. “We’ve reached such depravity.”

“It’s Itachi’s little brother’s dad.”

The hand slipped away from his neck. His head snapped to the side, a metallic taste in his mouth. The hand was on his throat, again, except now, there was bloosoming pain on his left side of the face. 

“Wow! He’s so calm!”

Kisame was sure doing a great job keeping him uptight. He drew in a breath, closing his eyes as a second fist landed on his side. He dug his nails on his thigh, willing his hand to remain uncurled, by his side, away from the man’s face. He should have talked to Sasuke before leaving and coming here.

“Hidan, leave him alone.” Maybe the tea was ready. Though, Itachi clearly did not know how to treat guests. “Just--” 

“Why? If he shows up a little battered, surely, baby Sasuke is going to come around.”

From his peripheral vision, he could see Itachi standing, holding a cup of...tea. He sipped on it, “Sasuke’s not coming.”

“He should.”

“He’s not.” Itachi replied. “Just knock him out.”

Such good friends. Kakashi moved his head away from the white cloth, but Kisame just whispered behind him to remember his kid, and Kakashi stayed put, his jaw clenched, smelling the chlorofom until his vision began to blur. He should have listened to Obito when he told him that smelling chlorofom in small amounts to build immunity would prove useful some day. Of course, it hadn’t been too useful for him. 

He woke up with the smell of alcohol burning his nostrils. A quick check confirmed that his scarf and shirt were on him again, except wet, seemingly drenched in a concoction of alcohol that Kakashi never wanted to decipher. The smell did nothing to improve the pounding headache. It was funny, Sasuke never complained from the induced headache of chlorofom inhalation, and Kakashi had been so bedside himself that he hadn’t considered it. He stirred, clenching his jaw when his mind began to register why he couldn’t move; the hand that Kisame had been holding was tied, twisted to lay flat against his back. But the other hand was just loosely tied to the chair’s armrest, so loose that if he tried, he could have untied himself. 

A joke, no doubt. 

“I see you’re awake.” It wasn’t Itachi. Nor Kisame. Nor, that man, Hidan. The voice was as smooth as Itachi’s, but it was lower and it sounded more deliberate. “Forgive us, we’ve been improvising for some time now.” A man came into view then, with orange hair, with a matching mask covering his face. “You know, you can untie yourself.”

Kakashi stared. “I’d rather not give you much of a reason to kill me.” Or kill Sasuke. He couldn’t believe he’d thought that Itachi cared for him, in an oddly, but vaguely understandable, way. He couldn’t believe he’d let Sasuke go to that motel room.

“We’re not going to kill you. Hidan sometimes gets overexcited. It’s quite a pleasure to meet you, of course, Mr. Hatake, but I believe Itachi was really expecting his little brother. He’s been sad since Sasuke walked out of the motel room. You understand, I’m sure, the Uchiha depression is a sight to behold.”

“Sasuke doesn’t want to talk to him,” he replied. He was also grounded, of course, and he would remain grounded for the rest of his life if that meant keeping him away from these people. 

“Understandable. You understand, don’t you, though? Everyone likes Minato, but he does work for the police and we couldn’t have him hearing all of this. He might have tried to arrest us and we would have had to defend ourselves, and it would have been such a mess.”

Defend themselves was a nice euphemism for murder. “Right--” 

“But Sasuke’s such a sweet kid and Itachi really wanted to talk to him,” he said. He waved a phone--his phone--tossing it in the air, before catching it. “You guys had a fight, didn’t you? Here, you should hear his apology.” 

Kakashi shouldn’t be surprised that they had access to his phone. But when Sasuke’s voice came through, it took everything he had to not reach over and throttle the man. 

“Look.” Sasuke’s voice was always deeper in recordings, but there was an edge to his tone that unsettled his stomach. “I learned my lesson. Not knowing where people are sucks, I get it. Can you just come home?”

The man’s mask was looking down at the phone. “Such a sweet kid. You really did a good job with him, you must be proud.”

“Kakashi, honestly. This isn’t funny anymore. I get it, I promise I won’t run away ever again. Just come back. Or at least pick up the phone.”

Kakashi looked down at his lap. He’d walked away because Sasuke clearly needed some space, and he didn’t feel bad for grounding him: going to Naruto’s house in the middle of the night had been stupid. Even more stupid now that Kakashi was seeing first hand the kind of company Itachi liked to keep around. 

“And the best one.”

He closed his eyes.

“Please, just come home. I’m sorry, okay? I promise I’ll be good, I won’t swear or cuss ever again, and I won’t be a brat anymore. Just come back. Don’t do this to me, I’m sorry.” 

“Does he cuss a lot?”

No. Not until today, or yesterday, Kakashi couldn’t tell how long he’d been there. The last time Sasuke swore, he’d slapped him across the face, hard. Not one of his best moments and he couldn’t even remember if he had apologized to Sasuke. Knowing himself, he probably had not. 

“Does he?”

“No,” he said. “You’re right, he is a sweet kid.”

“You’ll let Itachi talk to him, won’t you? He cares about him.”

Kakashi huffed, “over my dead body.”

“Careful, Mr. Hatake,” he chuckled. “We’re keeping Sasuke alive and I would prefer it if you remained alive as well, it’s not like Sasuke can handle much of anything anymore, right? But if push comes to shove, I don’t mind killing you. I’ll be helping reunite a family.”

“Cut the crap,” Kakashi said. “If any of you cared about reuniting them, Itachi had a lot of years to do so.”

“The amount of time passed is not an indication of a diminished effort, I assure you. But Itachi talking to Sasuke would have clued Orochimaru into his existence and obviously, now that all of us are aquaintanced with Orochimaru, you might understand why he couldn’t just do that.”

“What?”

“It’s complicated,” the man said. “Of course Orochimaru got to him anyway, but we like to think that we postponed that, somewhat.” The man stood up, getting out of his vision range, but he came back, only seconds later. “It was a miscalculation, we angered him and he went after Sasuke, and well, you know what happened.”

Kakashi stared at the pictures that the man was holding in front of his face. A man with white, long hair and round glasses was hanging from the ceiling, clearly bleeding and clearly in pain. He was on a chair, much like himself, in the next picture. He didn’t get a good look at the last one before the man slipped them inside his pocket. 

“In case your moral compass is suddenly pointing due North, he is still alive. We’re trying to get the names of Orochimaru’s people still in Uchiha Inc. but he doesn’t talk much.”

“Who is he?”

“It doesn’t matter,” the man replied. “If we’re lucky and he’s lucky, he’ll be dead soon. Not unlike yourself, if you decide to open your mouth and go to anyone. You should have listened to Itachi when he told you to leave, he spent a while trying to convince the rest of us that you could be assured that nothing was going to happen to him so that you could tell his baby brother to stop worrying about the company. But you didn’t listen and now, you’re here, and I’m not going to mince words. We’re not going to hurt or kill Sasuke, but we will hurt and kill you, and I think,” he took the phone out again. “I think you can realize how upset he’ll be if you never return.”

For some reason, one that he would likely examine for the rest of his life, the man knew him enough that he was right: his moral compass had never exactly pointed due North. He’d never gone out of his way to engage in criminal activity, of course, but throughout his life, he’d turned his attention away from somethings that more morally upstanding people would never. He hated the idea of his absence affecting Sasuke so much that he would spiral further down, but it was just a fact now, clearly emphasized by those voicemails. 

“I won’t tell anyone anything,” he said. “I promise. I know you probably think that I’m best friends with Minato, but I’m particularly talented at pretending stuff isn’t happening around me. Teachers call it deliberate nonintervention and I am exceedingly good at it.” Of course, that really referred to not yelling at a student on his phone, not turning a blind eye on what was clearly criminal activity. 

But Sasuke had made it abundantly clear that even thinking about being forced to take the company made him go into anxiety attacks and Kakashi wasn’t scared of dying, but if he went to the police, Itachi and his  _ friends _ would likely find out and murder him, and then if things became even worse, Minato--or someone else--could find something out, and arrest Itachi, and Sasuke would be left with the company. 

He had already turned a blind eye on everything Itachi told him over the phone that night, anyway. Seeing it with his own two eyes didn’t change the fact that this was best for Sasuke. 

“We take promises very seriously.”

“I can tell,” Kakashi said. “The only thing I can’t promise is that Sasuke is going to talk to Itachi. Maybe not over my dead body, but he doesn’t want to talk to him.”

“Please, Mr. Hatake. The kid is riddled with guilt, he’s probably itching to call his big brother right about now and apologize for everything he told him at the motel. The perks of being an anxiety-ridden teen, I guess.” He shrugged, “I wouldn’t know, of course.”

Kakashi bit back a sigh, “well, until that happens. I, and I realize I’m in no position to be asking for anything, would appreciate it if Itachi could just not get near him.” Of course, it was a good point. If Sasuke had taken the time to leave him three voicemails, at least some of that guilt must be coming from whatever he told Itachi, too. 

“Perfectly resonable,” the man replied, walking behind him. 

Somehow, Kakashi could feel a hand hovering over his back. “Great.”

“If it makes you feel better, Mr. Hatake,” the man said, seemingly losing the ropes around his hand. The circulation morphed the throbbing pain into a sharper one. “The only thing we’re going to do with Itachi as CEO is to shift the company’s vision to include cheap, but high-quality medicine to third world countries.”

Kakashi brought his hand to his chest, looking down at it. Oddly, the remaints of the ropes were not etched into his skin, but it did look an unhealthy shade of purple. He’ll have to ice it once he got home. If he got home. “Sounds noble,” he said, unable to find a willingness to care whether that was true or not. 

It was none of his business, as long as whatever vision didn’t involve Sasuke.

“I do hope we have come to an understanding. We’ll be watching and you simply do not want to give us a reason to make us lose faith in your word, Mr. Hatake.”

“Right, understandable,” Kakashi replied. “Though I would like you to consider that Sasuke is dating Minato’s son, and if you do spy me talking to him, it’s because we’ll probably end up being related by marriage.”

The man chuckled, “don’t worry. We’re not idiots, we can tell the difference.”

“Great,” he said. 

Well, Kakashi had to admit, this pseudo-kidnapping went a lot better than it could have gone. Much better compared to Sasuke’s, at any rate. He stood up, still half expecting someone to hit him over the head, but nothing came. He could feel his lip swollen and his wrist did hurt, and there was sure to be a couple of forming bruises on his stomach, but the shirt covered those. If there were any marks on his neck, it was cold enough to wear a permanent scarf until they faded. His lip would heal and so would his wrist. It could have gone worse. 

“You don’t mind if I blindfold you, do you? I just don’t want my own paranoia thinking that you are going to betray us and tell someone where we are.”

Ah, maybe it would get worse. “No, of course not. I understand.” If they were going to kill him, he didn’t have to see that, and if they were going to let him go, he couldn’t see where he was. He understood, in a completely objective way, so he managed to remain put as a black hood was slipped over his head. 

He stumbled a bit, too disconcerted to walk straight with his face covered, but the man was gentle with him. He could have shoved him, but he didn’t, so he cooperated and got into what he could only assume was a car, working down his panic from the lack of control; he’d never done well in situations without control. His car, he realized, evening out his breathing, once he heard the old engine; he recognized it because it was old and it gave him nightmares and reminded him that becoming a teacher had not been a sensible economical choice. All things considered, it had not even become a safe choice. Clearly. 

Sasuke told him that when they took him, after the Halloween party, he’d tried to keep track of the turns and the distance, but hadn’t been able to, laying down on the car’s floor with a blindfold over his eyes. Kakashi was sitting and he was having some trouble keeping track of the turns too, getting more dizzy than not. But counting the seconds in his head confirmed that they had been driving for about two hours before the car stopped. 

“You can take it off now. I suggest you go home, I think Sasuke must be really worried now, but I’m sure the offer for tea still stands.”

Kakashi didn’t rip the black hood off his head until he heard a door closing. He blinked at the light, surprised that the sun was peeking through already. The car was parked in front of the same ranch he’d driven, presumably the day before. He did appreciate being let go, but he would rather stab his eyes than drink tea with Itachi. He got into the driver’s seat, surprised to find the keys still in the ignition, and his phone on the dashboard. With another missed call, from their home number. 

Kakashi started the car, putting the voicemail on speaker. 

“Dad, please just come back, I’m sorry. I don’t hate you--” 

He considered deleting the voicemail, but he couldn’t do that to Sasuke. He’d been gone the whole day, his shirt and scarf still reeked of alcohol, and he had a busted lip. He’d just tell him he ran into a pole and hope for the best. 

“I won’t do anything wrong ever again, I promise. Just come back. I’ll be good. I swear.”

He was such an idiot. He hadn’t expected Itachi to have his literal criminal buddies hanging at the ranch, in the address that he texted him when he pretended to be Sasuke, but the desperation in Sasuke’s voice was just the cherry on top of everything else. At the first red light, he grabbed his phone, hovering over Sasuke’s phone number. 

The car behind honked. Loudly. 

He clearly needed to focus on driving. The last thing Sasuke needed was to get a call from Minato telling him that he was in a car accident because he was distracted texting. He was almost home, anyway.

He did his best job parking, although the front wheel was on the street. He’d fix it later. He opened the door, peeking inside. The lights were off. Of course they were. It was early in the morning. Urushi came over to him, by some miracle, not barking. He scratched him between the ears, managing to get inside the kitchen and hand over a Kong, not surprised their dog took it and completely forgot about him. 

He headed upstairs, hovering over Sasuke’s door for a minute or so, unable to hear anything. He cracked the door open. Jugo was sleeping on the bed, his orange hair sticking out from underneath the blankets. Suigetsu was sprawled on the ground, the blankets covering half his body. But Kakashi couldn’t have a sick teen. He tiptoed inside, pulling the blankets over him, assuming he would kick them off soon enough, but he’ll turn on the heater by then. 

He slipped outside the bedroom, closing the door gently behind him, and went to his own bedroom, turning the knob. But. It didn’t budge. 

Sasuke wouldn’t have killed himself before knowing he had heard the apologies. That really was his first thought, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath, rattling the knob again. “Open the door.”

He held his breath, until he could hear footsteps, light, but present, and the faucet. A minute or so, Sasuke opened the door. Kakashi couldn’t get a good look at him, considering his eyes were glued on the ground, but he still looked like he was about to pass out standing up. He sidestepped him, going to the bed. “Come here,” he said, as gently as he could. 

Sasuke did, after locking the door. Although he remained standing. He really needed him to see a therapist, or someone. Forget someone killing him, Kakashi wasn’t entirely sure Sasuke wouldn’t kill himself if he found out his brother was part of a dubious, but disconcertingly polite...gang. 

“What--” 

The worried face. “I hit a pole,” he said. “I might have sprained my wrist, can you get the medical kit?”

Sasuke did, of course, almost falling on his face as he rushed to get it. Prescribed sleeping pills would probably help, hopefully help him. But getting the perscription would be difficult, especially if Sasuke didn’t want to talk to anyone. He probably did not. Kakashi didn’t want to force it, obviously, because that along would probably make the therapist completely unhelpful, but he had to convince him somehow. 

But at the very least, he could start by telling him that he knew he’d been joking when he said he’d hated him. It hurt, obviously, because there were a lot of reasons for Sasuke to hate him, but he’d known he hadn’t meant it. 

Sasuke was too kind to really hate anyone.

“I don’t think you hate me, Sasuke,” he told him when he came back, clutching the kit to his chest. Just like he used to clutch his green dinasour. Sasuke grabbed his hand, his face almost as blank as Itachi’s, as he looked at the purple tint on the skin. He began bandaging it, more careful than he had to, but Kakashi appreciated it. Taped it for him, too. Kakashi set his hand on his chest, hoping some of the minimal swelling could go away on its own. 

“Then why did you get drunk?”

He sighed, “sometimes, adults just get drunk, Sasuke--” 

“Because of me.”

He sighed again. They really were good at what they did. Kakashi had no idea what he’d imagined when Itachi asked for half his clothes, but he hadn’t imagined that it would actually convince Sasuke that he’d gone to get drunk because his feelings were hurt. For a moment, he considered telling him the truth, but between the two evils, Sasuke could handle the idea of him drinking better. “No, just--sometimes, adults just drink. You know, teachers actually have a very high possibility of drinking irresponsibly? It’s absolutely crazy, but with so much grading, it makes sense, now.”

A cheap joke. Expectantly, Sasuke didn’t laugh.

“You could have called.”

“I know,” he said. He could have, at one point. But he hadn’t. For many reasons. Safety, mostly. “I’m sorry I worried you, it wasn’t my intention.”

“Don’t apologize!” Sasuke’s voice cracked, although he did a good job hiding it by clearing it. “It was my fault. I promise I won’t swear again, and I’m sorry I said I hated you. I really don’t.”

Somehow, he bit back a sigh. They were right. With the amount of guilt Sasuke was carrying around, it would make sense he would have been feeling bad about Itachi, too. “I know, Sasuke, it’s okay.”

“It’s not! Stop saying it’s okay. I got you drunk, and drunk enough to walk into a pole and bust your lip and sprain your wrist!”

So much guilt, Sasuke couldn’t even call him out on the obvious lie. What kind of pole could do that, anyway? 

“You didn’t make me get drunk, Sasuke. I chose to do so, okay? I realize you probably have not slept, but can you try to? You look exhausted.” He patted the space next to him, not surprised when Sasuke crawled over him to lay down on it, his eyes closed. 

He wasn’t asleep, but he would be soon. Kakashi reached out to brush his hair, humming softly, letting himself relax when Sasuke’s breathing evened out, his hands clenching the sheets. But a nightmare still meant sleep, and he needed to sleep. At least for a few hours. 

But it wasn’t a few hours. It was barely one, when Sasuke turned on his back, sitting up like his back was on fire. It was a wonder that his breathing could become so ragged, so fast. “You want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “No--” 

“Sasuke--” 

“But you didn’t have to leave! I realize I’ve left like three times, or twice, or one too many times, but that doesn’t mean you should teach me a lesson like this. Naruto did the same thing, too, you know, and I get it because I did the same thing to him, but it’s not a nice thing to do!”

Kakashi wasn’t sure Sasuke realized there were tears spilling over. “I know, I didn’t mean to. I went to a bar, and I was going to come back, but then I got distracted, and I walked into a pole, and this guy showed up and he was a doctor, and told me I shouldn’t be driving because I walked into a pole, so I went back to the bar. I know I didn’t handle anything properly and I don’t have any excuses for you, but I am sorry for worrying you--” 

“You didn’t even tell me you were leaving!” He looked so young. Just like he looked yesterday, when he found out Kakashi had washed Naruto’s sweater.

Considering that Sasuke had been rushed out of his home and handed over to a stranger without much of an explanation at six, the abandoment issues really shouldn’t be surprising. Kakashi had obviously known about them, but for the past years, since the utter failure that was Sasuke’s first day at public school, Sasuke had managed them. Slowly, at first, but mostly successfully. Of course, it made sense they were surfacing again.

The truth was that Kakashi hadn’t woken him up because he was sleeping; presumably uncomfortable on the couch, but still sleeping. “I know,” he said. “I should have. I will, next time. Although, I hope there won’t be a next time, I actually do hate drinking. Alcohol tastes bad, Sasuke.”

“ _ I know _ .”

Kakashi was an idiot. Of course he knew. If there was something he didn’t have to worry about with him was drinking. Someone would have to be absolutely crazy to drink again, after having to deal with their first hangover while they were stripped, strapped, and beaten. Had that been another miscalculation?

“I know, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I won’t drink again, okay? We both hate it, I promise, okay? In the meantime, do you want to call Naruto? Or show up? See if you can catch some sleep--” 

“Why are you trying to unground me?”

Clearly, they both needed to sleep. “Well, it’s  _ not _ because I’ve given up on you, like you might be thinking.” Judging by Sasuke’s face, that was exactly what he’d been thinking. He bit back a sigh, “your butt is absolutely still grounded. But Naruto can come over and maybe you’ll be able to sleep a little. You do look exhausted, Sasuke, and I’m worried about you.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” he mumbled, apparently having extended all his energy. He rested his back on the headrest. “We could go downtown and find a Christmas present for Urushi.”

“I want to,” he said. “But you need to sleep.”

“I can’t.”

So young. Just like he had looked ten years ago. Kakashi bit back a sigh, “if we talk to a doctor, maybe we can get your sleeping--” 

“No. They just make it harder to wake up. I’m just being stupid--” 

“You’re not,” he said. “You’re tired and overwhelmed. I can’t say I get it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about you.”

“It’s Itachi,” he mumbled, looking towards the window. “I was really mean to him and--I mean, he was a little mean to me, too, I guess, but we were in the police station, and I guess he couldn’t really talk that much. It doesn’t matter anyway. Him being mean to me doesn’t mean I get to be mean to him, too. That’s not how it works, and--and,” he glanced at him for a second, before his attention went back to the window. “Don’t tell Mr. Uzumaki, okay? I just apologized to Mrs. Uzumaki, so I don’t want them to get mad again, but I’ve...been a little angry with him, too. He didn’t have to shoot him. He killed him! He didn’t even tell me. Anything.”

Maybe they were not only criminals who liked to torture people, but they were also psychologists. Could be, at least that would explain the accuracy of their description about Sasuke, without even looking at him. Kakashi cleared his throat, “Sasuke, you know that man was bad and he would have hurt you if Minato hadn’t killed him quickly, right?”

Sasuke looked like he wanted to say something else, looked about ready to scream, yell, or cry, or all three of them. But a second later, he was laying down, again, the covers up to his nose. “Goodnight.”

Kakashi bit back a sigh, fully feeling as incompetent as he’d felt ten years ago. “Goodnight.”

“Are you going to stay here?”

“Yeah, of course,” he replied, biting a wince as Sasuke just closed his eyes. 

There were clearly nightmares involved, but his eyes never opened, regardless of how white his knuckles got. Kakashi stared up at the ceiling, swallowing back a couple of cursed words, maybe a scream. 


	26. Chapter 26

Naruto opened the door after checking that it was Sasuke, still wearing his orange sweater, with that green scarf Kakashi also had, and with black gloves, almost as dark as the bags under his eyes. “Hey, my...my dad’s not home.”

Sasuke’s cheeks flushed a faint shade of red, before he was looking down at the ground. “I...wanted to see you, but if you’re busy,” he turned around.

Naruto reached out to him, “of course not. It’s just that you usually show up at my balcony when you come for me and at the front door to see dad.” And he was also under the impression that Sasuke was grounded, if the last text from Kakashi was anything to go by. He stepped to the side, dragging Sasuke inside, locking the door, “you want to watch a movie?”

“I can’t. Grounded,” he mumbled, pulling the sleeves over his hands. Naruto could have never imagined that Sasuke would appreciate that sweater even more than he did. 

“Okay,” Naruto said, “but you can be here?”

He nodded. “They went Christmas shopping. Dad said it was okay if I came. Sorry I just showed up, but if you are busy, I can leave.”

“I’m not,” Naruto chuckled. Especially now that he knew that apparently, grounding meant no shopping. He couldn’t figure out how Kakashi could look at Sasuke, looking so utterly upset about  _ something _ , clearly sleep-deprived, clearly looking a little lost, and keep him grounded. “My parents went shopping with Auntie Mariko and Karin, too. I was just going to watch a documentary on aliens, but it’s being recorded anyway.”

“I can close my eyes,” Sasuke said.

“Seriously? No, it’s fine, unless when you say closing your eyes, you really mean sleeping,” he said, not at all surprised that Sasuke shook his head at that. “In that case, do you want to help me make Christmas cookies? I told Karin I could make yummier ones than her this year, and she’s not that good of a baker herself, but she doesn’t need to know you helped out.” 

As soon as Sasuke nodded, he dragged him to the kitchen, taking all of the pans out of the oven, and hunting through the cabinets for flour and...sugar? Cookies did have sugar. And. Chocolate chips. Right? Those tasted good. It didn’t matter, they could never be worse than the bean brownies he tried making last year. 

That had been an emberassment. 

He turned around, going for the butter and eggs, but halted. Saske was leaning against the fridge, his forehead pressed against the door, his eyes closed. Naruto set the sugar down on the counter, stepping closer to him, hovering, expecting him to wake up, but he didn’t. He ran his hand down his back, but Sasuke didn’t react, although his chest was rising and falling evenly, slowly. Biting back a sigh, he shifted him about, until he could lift him up. 

Sasuke was lighter now, apparently having lost weight since their last soccer match. And apparently, a heavier sleeper now, he realized, when he placed him down on the couch, and Sasuke remained completely asleep. More like passed out.

Itachi asked him to keep an eye out for him, to which he had agreed because he had already been keeping an eye out on him, and had already promised Kakashi the same thing, anyway. But he doubted that any of them really expected Sasuke to develop insomnia as badly as he was now. He headed upstairs, grabbing a blanket, checking one last time that Sasuke was only asleep, and covered him with it, walking back to the kitchen. 

He was throwing an extra bar of butter into the bowl when the sounds came from the living room. Not the first time that he’d heard them, of course; compared to the first night, the soft whimpers now were barely audible, but still noticeable. Naruto walked back, pulling a chair close to the couch, hoping that it would pass and he could remain asleep, but watching as Sasuke’s hands slowly clenched around nothing, and he was seemingly trying to bury his head inside the couch made it abundantly clear that it wouldn’t be restful sleep, anyway. He shook his shoulder, softly calling out his name. 

Sasuke woke up more calmly than anyone had a right to after clearly waking up from a horrific nightmare, although his eyes were looking wildly around the room. “How long was I out?”

“A little over an hour,” he said. He hadn’t even put the dough in the oven, and not just because he was inexperienced and had no idea what he was doing, but because it really had not been that long ago since Sasuke was asleep standing up. “Do you want to sleep a little more?” He might as well have asked if Sasuke wanted to lay there and get tortured, judging by the speed in which he practically threw the blanket off of him and jumped out of the couch. 

“Did the cookies burned?” He asked, rubbing his eyes, and not waiting for a response as he walked to the kitchen. 

“You know,” Naruto said hoping that maybe Sasuke would be too tired to really start a fight, but not tired enough that he would be cranky. “You really do need to sleep,” he said, watching him scoop out some of the dough, somehow making it into a perfect ball. “The human body isn’t known to function properly if it is severely sleep deprived and I think it’s safe to say that you are. You have been since before finals.” Of course, Sasuke had always been a little sleep-deprived, but not like  _ this _ . 

“I’m fine,” he said, making another ball and setting it on the pan, next to the previous one. “I think you added too much butter.”

“Probably,” Naruto shrugged. “But I did remember the baking soda this time.”

Sasuke glanced up, before his attention was back on the pan. “Impressive,” he muttered, although to Naruto it sounded more like his brain couldn’t follow the conversation anymore. 

Of course not. When was the last time he had slept? Properly? He walked back to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as Sasuke set another blob down. “I’m really worried about you.” He was sure that everyone was worried about him, but for some reason, Sasuke was being an idiot half of the time, and the other time, he was depressed. 

“I’m  _ fine _ .”

Naruto looked away, “you realize you passed out standing up, right? And you didn’t even realize that I picked you up, right? You know, you’re lucky that I care about you, but honestly, if someone was trying to hurt you, they could just wait until you fell asleep on your feet, becoming absolutely unaware of your surroundings, and unable to defend yourself, and take you.” He sighed, not missing the way Sasuke’s shoulders tensed, but not wanting to lose steam. “I know that I punched you for running away.” The bruise was, not surprisingly, still clear as day on Sasuke’s cheek. “Or after you ran away, and I know my first reaction that you saw after finding out that someone had kidnapped you was to punch you and scream at you, but you have to sleep, if only to watch your own back--” 

“What does it matter?” He almost threw the next soon-to-be-cookie on the pan. “I was awake when they took me, and they still took me. I’d very much preferred to be passed out so it’s not my complete ineptitude that gets me kidnapped,” he spitted out. Or tried to, sounding more sad than angry. “Besides, who’s going to kidnap me?”

Naruto’s attention snapped back to him, feeling the anger in the pit of his stomach stir, “everyone? Anyone? Dad is still trying to round people up, you know, I’m pretty sure, and Itachi said that you had to be careful, I can only really assume that there is a reason--” 

“Stop.”

Naruto sighed, “look, people are worried. It almost looks like you’re trying to fuck yourself over, which I know can’t be the case because I know you know that doing that will hurt a lot of people.” 

“I don’t need to...hurt myself,” Sasuke said, clearly doing his best to bite back the  _ fuck _ . “Everyone’s doing a fantastic job at that all by themselves--” 

“We’re trying to take care of you! We’re worried--” 

“Rich coming from the guy who punched and kicked me.”

Naruto stared up at the ceiling, willing himself to calm down. They didn’t need to get into a fight. Sasuke was tired and hurt, and he knew that. “You’ve punched me too, you know.” He thought talking to Sasuke after Halloween was going to be the most frustrating experience in his life, but this had to take the cake. “Twice. It’s just that you heal slowly and I don’t. And it doesn’t even matter because you know what? Running away for days after being kidnapped? A completely stupid thing to do.” Obviously, he shouldn’t have punched Sasuke, he knew that, but his mistake didn’t erase Sasuke’s mistakes either. “It was dangerous. The only thing you should have been doing was talking to a therapist and sleeping.”

“I don’t need to talk to a therapist.”

It was like talking to a wall. Naruto sat on the counter, just to get a better look at him. “Yeah? When was the last time you managed to sleep without nightmares? Last time you even managed to stare up at a ceiling while on your back?” 

Sasuke froze. “ _ Nothing happened _ .”

“I’m not saying it did.” Obviously, it wasn’t his place to say anything. Despite the way his imagination just couldn’t help but conenct the dots. It wasn’t his place. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t anyone’s but Sasuke’s place to say what did or did not happen, no matter how much Naruto wanted to scream at someone to help him. Obviously, he would prefer it if Sasuke sought out the help, but at this point, maybe someone like Kakashi should just force him into it. Not by physical force, obviously, but--convince him, somehow. Guilt him into it, maybe, because clearly, forcing him to talk to a professional and get help was better than having him jump off a cliff. “I’m just saying that you need to talk to a therapist. Because people are worried about you. I know you don’t want to make Jugo go through what he went with--” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He told me about it,” Naruto said, staring down at his lap. “We were looking for you, and I ran out of conversation topics to talk about, and he stepped up to the plate, I guess.” He had actually just been too distressed to talk or think about anything other than Sasuke. Anyone in their right mind would have gotten tired of hearing him ramble about the way that Sasuke always took notes, writing everything the teachers said, except in history, where he tended to doodle cats and dogs in the corners of his notebook, or the way that he looked at the animals in the shelter, like he was considering the best way to take all of them home. Jugo had been patient, but eventually, he started talking too. “But I know that you didn’t bring him all the way here to watch you die, too.”

Sasuke grabbed the tray, filled with cookie dough, and opened the oven, bending over to slip the tray inside. “I’ll sleep if you want me to, and I’ll stare up at your ceiling if you want, but stop talking about him.” He turned the oven light on, standing back up. “I’m not going to kill myself. I can’t.”

He looked so sad. Naruto understood what he really meant with that. “That means not seeking out people to kill you either, you know that, right? That also counts as killing yourself.”

“I can’t be held responsible for what other people do to me.”

Naruto knew that he didn’t meant that, because if he did, he would be blaming more people for hurting him--his dad’s employees after Halloween, his kidnappers--instead of blaming himself for getting drunk and getting kidnapped. “No, but you should be held accountable for getting in a car with a stranger.”

“You’re such a hypocrite! You literally went to meet someone at two in the morning in a motel after listening to a creepy voice.”

“With the only difference that no one is trying to hurt me. And I was held accountable, I got grounded and got my car taken away, for the rest of break. I know you’re grounded now, but you did that days ago, and I’m assuming you didn’t get grounded for that.”

Sasuke blanched, shaking his head, “I didn’t.”

“I didn’t mean it like that--” 

“You did.” He sounded so downtrodden. 

But Naruto didn’t know what to say because he  _ had _ meant it like that. If he was entirely honest with himself, in the back of his mind, he had kind of assumed that Kakashi would have slapped him, but he’d tossed that thought aside, convincing himself that it was just a leftover memory of the first months he’d known them and he’d been obsessed about hating Kakashi. “Fine, I did, but this is exactly what I mean. Now, you’re feeling guilty about not being grounded! You think you deserve whatever people want to do to you, and okay, fine, I think you should have been grounded in that particular instance because you did something exceedingly stupid, but someone could walk in right now and beat you up, and you’d think you deserved that, even if you hadn’t met the person before.  _ I  _ could beat you up right now, and you would think you deserved it, even though the healthy response would be to fight back, or at least start thinking about breaking up with me!” Not that he wanted Sasuke to break up with him. Obviously. He’d cried for hours when he had. “Someone could walk in right now, hand you a gun, tell you to shoot yourself, and you  _ would _ .”

“I--” 

Naruto wiped his cheeks. “And you know what? My entire family adores you and I know we’ll be devastated when something happens to you.” It wasn’t a matter of  _ if _ anymore, as much as it was  _ when _ . “And we haven’t even known you for half a year. Kakashi has practically known you your entire life, and so have Jugo and Suigetsu. I can’t even bring myself to consider the amount of pain they’ll be in. I can’t even decide if you don’t want to go to a therapist because of some...guilt or shame thing, or if you don’t want to go because you’re afraid that it’ll actually help you and you feel like you deserve everything you’re going through right now. And I don’t know what you’re going through, and I know you’ve been brave, but you need to be braver, just--” he shut his mouth, seeing his dad’s car lights flashing against the window. He got off the counter, wiping his cheeks with somewhat more urgency now, watching Sasuke do the same, just in time for the door to open. 

It was Karin, hugging to her chest a brown bag, followed by Auntie Mariko, carrying two grocery store bags. Naruto hurried to grab them, receiving a kiss on each cheek. “Hi, Auntie,” he motioned for Sasuke to come closer, and he did because of course he did, with a polite smile on his face, looking just as he looked the first day they met. “Uh, this is my boyfriend, Sasuke.” His voice sounded okay. Okayish. It was the best he could do, under the circumstances. It sounded too happy, but it was Christmas, and maybe the sickening happy tone was understandable and acceptable. “Sasuke, she’s my favorite aunt!”

“I’m your only aunt, duckling,” Aunt Mariko said, offering up her hand to Sasuke. “It’s nice to meet you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke took it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” Of course Sasuke’s voice sounded fine, even with the faint blush as Karin giggled.

“You can call me Mariko, Sasuke.”

Naruto watched him shift his weight, although he wasn’t sure anyone who wasn’t completely intuned with him would have spotted it. “Don’t bother, Auntie. He still calls mom and dad Mrs. and Mr. Uzumaki.” He took Sasuke’s hand, “we’ll help you guys get everything out.”

Of course, Sasuke let him drag him outside and greeted his parents with a polite smile. Naruto could tell that his parents only grew more worried, and wasn’t all that surprised when his dad asked him if he could help him wrap up some presents. Naruto didn’t exactly want to let go of him, but he trusted his dad, so he did, soon finding himself in the living room, with their moms in the kitchen, probably trying to salvage the cookies in the oven. 

“I can take you shopping tomorrow, if you want,” Karin said, grabbing the remote. “I know it’s kind of hard to go shopping without a car.”

Naruto smiled, “I don’t know if I want to go shopping, but thanks for the offer--” 

“So, what did you get him for Christmas?”

Naruto glanced up. “I haven’t gotten him anything yet--” 

“Seriously?” Karin shook her head. “You definietly need to get him something. I mean, it’s Christmas and also his birthday, right? You need to step it up--” 

“I’ve been busy,” he said, stopping himself from sighing. Obviously, he’d been planning on getting him a present, but between finals, him running away, later finding out he’d been kidnapped, and then getting grounded, everything had zapped his energy. “But you’re right, I should get him something.”

What, though? The only thing Sasuke really needed was a will to live. He’d been thinking of buying him a punching bag, just so he could stop hurting himself by punching walls, but he wasn’t entirely sure anyone should really be encouraging Sasuke to hit  _ anything _ , safe or not. Some kind of gift to promote sleep would be good too, but that might be considered passive aggresive. Of course, before everything happened, he’d been planning to get him a cat lamp that looked more like a statue, they found once in the city, and that Sasuke had spent too much time staring at with that stupid smile he had--used to have--when he thought people weren’t looking at him. That, and new running shoes.

But those ideas just sounded stupid now. 

“What does he like?”

Naruto glanced at the television. “Running, animals, camping. Warm sweaters.” he shrugged, resting his chin on his knees. It was hard to tell with Sasuke, of course, because most of the stuff he did, like playing the piano and violin, were things he hated doing. Most of the stuff Sasuke did was stuff he didn’t like, but he still did them, and as a result, Naruto was sure that not even Sasuke knew what he really liked. “What did you get Sakura?”

“Oh, I got her a fake real-size human skeleton and new makeup brushes.”

“Nice--” 

‘You could get Sasuke some melatonin to sleep, he looks like he needs that.”

Naruto shrugged. “I could.” And Sasuke would probably take them, while thinking that Naruto was being passive aggressive. 

“He looks like he’s about a second away from passing out.” Karin glanced at the kitchen, scooting closer to him. “Is he okay? I’ve never heard of whooping cough making someone into a zombie.”

“He’s fine,” he said. Maybe saying that would make him believe it, would make it true. Maybe that’s why Sasuke kept repeating it over and over again, like a broken record. “Just tired.”

“You know you’re practically my brother, and I can tell when you’re lying.” 

“It’s not my place--” 

“When has that really stopped you before, though?”

Naruto huffed, scooting closer to her, turning the television volume up. With one last glance towards the kitchen, he started spilling all of Sasuke’s secrets, feeling just like the worse person in the world, but feeling some of his own tension and worry seeping out of him. “You can’t tell anyone, though. I trust you.”

Karin’s eyes were wide, her mouth slightly open. “I’m not. I won’t breathe a word to this to anyone, not even Sakura, I promise.”

His cousin hardly made promises, so Naruto felt just a little better with that. “He can’t sleep longer than two hours, and--” 

“I think you’re focusing on the negatives,” Karin said, a small frown on her face. “I can’t believe I just told you that,” she shook her head. “Obviously, no one could be doing well after all of that, but maybe you should focus on the fact that apparently, nothing happened to him while he was on the streets and that he somehow had enough energy to reach out to friends. And apparently apologize to you for breaking up with you. He’s obviously trying his best to keep people he cares about closed, to remind himself that he shouldn’t kill himself. Can anyone really ask anything else out of him?”

“No, of course not. But--” 

“I mean,” Karin continued, “you said that it happened in dead week, right? That was like two weeks ago. It hasn’t even been a month. People can’t heal from that kind of stuff that quickly, especially not if everything just keeps going to shit. Honestly, I think everyone should be happy that he hasn’t killed himself already. He’s obviously trying his best not to, and you’re not making it any easier by leaving in the middle of the night to meet his long-lost brother.”

“I didn’t--” 

“You could have walked away,” Karin said, giving him a look that shut him up. “But you decided to stay. What did you guys even talk about?”

Naruto sighed, “nothing, really. Itachi’s really polite. I told him that I really liked Sasuke and I was really worried about him, and he told me that he was doing his best to keep him safe, and that he wanted to talk to him, but was glad I showed up.” He shrugged, “I don’t know. We mostly just talked about...nothing, really. Just Sasuke. And Kakashi. Mostly Sasuke, though. I did most of the talking, if we’re being honest, Itachi is even more quiet than Sasuke is. It kind of felt like an interrogation, you know? Like he was trying to decide if he wanted me to keep seeing Sasuke, but he said I should, so I must have passed.”

“Shouldn’t the only person deciding to keep seeing you be Sasuke?”

“Yeah,” Naruto said. “I guess. But he’s not making great decisions lately, so generally speaking, maybe he shouldn’t be making a lot of decisions himself. I mean, he felt so bad about calling mom and dad annoying and he decided to do that all by himself. I’m not saying I should be the one making those decisions, I’m just saying that if someone can’t make healthy decisions for themselves, there’s nothing wrong about letting other people make them.” 

“Well, as a  _ girl _ ,” Karin said, clearly doing an effort to keep her voice lowered, “I don’t think you’re appreciating the kind of lost of control in his life already, and I can tell you when you’re fighting things that are out of your control, that the last thing you really need is everyone telling you that you’re too stupid to make the correct decisions. What even is the correct decision, anyway--” 

“To go to a therapist and get some sleeping pills! Everything gets better eventually--”

“You want him to go to a therapist so he can relieve every single trauma in his life in an effort to gain control of it and you want him to get sleeping pills so he is unable to wake up from the nightmares so he can continue to relieve that trauma while asleep  _ and _ awake? Absolutely seems like the correct decisions, absolutely, completely--” 

Maybe that would happen at the beginning, but eventually, it was supposed to help. Naruto knew that Karin knew that and for some reason, she was just being an ass about it. Besides, suffering through trauma was always better than ending one’s own life, no questions, no contest, no argument. Killing one’s self was heartbreakingly selfish, and it sucked for everyone, but the dead person never had to deal with those consequences. Some people would mourn the loss of potential in a person, but those were the  _ living _ people, still beating themselves over someone else’s suicide, while the  _ dead _ person didn’t even have the capacity to realize their lost potential. 

“What exactly would you do if it was Sakura?”

“Ask her what she wants--” 

“And when she tells you she wants to kill herself?”

Karin shrugged. “I don’t know,” she mumbled, “but at least she would have felt heard.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Right, see. Not so easy.” He supposed Sasuke could feel heard, but honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure anyone should be humoring the idea by asking him about it. Obviously, Sasuke wanted to kill himself and if he said that out loud to someone, it could make it more real. 

“I’m not saying it is,” Karin whispered. “I’m just saying that he hasn’t killed himself yet, so maybe someone should at least congratulate him for that.”

“Try saying that without sounding passive aggressive about it,” Naruto reached for the remote, jabbing the button to change the channel. “I’m just--” 

“I know it’s not hard for anyone who cares about him. I’m just saying that it’s at least ten times harder for him and pretending that anyone around him is more hurt than he is, it’s kind of awful--” 

“It is true, though, because when he kills himself, it’s going to be over for him, and everyone else is going to have to deal with it.”

“Listen to yourself, you shouldn’t be saying when, it’s if, you don’t know that he is going to--” 

“Spend a few hours with him and you’ll realize that I can absolutely say when and I absolutely know what he is going to do.” He took a deep a breath. That was the whole problem. It wasn’t a question of whether or not the countdown would start, it was a question about when the bomb would go off. Karin was right, a lot of things had happened to Sasuke in less than a month, he knew that, he was aware of that. “And before you tell me why I just don’t call the cops on him and force him into observation, it’s because obviously, doing that is just going to make it worse for him. Talk about lose of control.” 

He wanted to. But he couldn’t imagine whatever they tried to to do to help him wouldn’t be anything but detrimental if he was physically forced into it. The more anyone could do was either hope that he’d have some moment of clarity and get help himself, or gently guilt him into it. 

“I don’t think you should do that, haven’t you been--” 

“Can one of you guys get the door?”

Did someone knock? Naruto stood up, glad there was an actual excuse to leave the conversation. Karin was simply not understanding because she didn’t really have stakes on anything regarding Sasuke. He went up to the door, looking through the peephole, spotting orange hair. Jugo. “Hey, how are you?”

Jugo smiled softly, “good, how about you?”

“Yeah, pretty great, just getting ready for Christmas, you know,” he shrugged. “You’re here for Sasuke?”

Jugo nodded, “ony if he wants.”

Naruto nodded, too. He supposed these were the kind of decisions that Sasuke should be allowed to make. Low-stake, non-life threatening decisions. “I’ll go get him, he’s upstairs. You can come in if you want, my mom and aunt are just in the kitchen, and my cousin is watching a movie.”

Jugo nodded, “I’ll just wait here, but thanks.”

Naruto left the door opened, as he headed upstairs, stopping in front of his dad’s door. After a second, he knocked and then opened it. They were clearly not wrapping presents. His dad too busy holding Sasuke, and Sasuke too busy trying to breathe. “If you want to leave, Jugo’s here.”

Sasuke didn’t move. It was hard to read his face when he was facing away from the door, but his dad was pushing his hair back, clearly whispering something. A second later, Sasuke was standing up, disappearing into the master bathroom. The faucet water ran, and then stopped, and then Sasuke was stepping back outside, clearly doing his best to pretend he hadn’t just been crying. With a sigh, he stepped to the side, letting him go down the stairs, hearing him tell Aunt Mariko it was a pleasure to meet her again and saying bye to his mom. He heard the front door closed, and his attention was back on his dad.

“What happened?”

His dad stood up, “it’s not my place to say, kiddo.”

Naruto groaned, because unlike himself, that had always stopped his dad. “Can you at least tell me if he’s going to be okay?”

“I hope so,” his dad replied, pushing some boxes under the bed. “You want to help in the kitchen?”

Naruto shook his head, “I’m just going to be in my bedroom.”

“Okay,” his dad said, clearly upset about something. Probably about the kid crying on his bedroom’s floor. “We’ll call you down once dinner is ready.”

“Don’t. I’m not hungry,” he said. How could he be hungry? He was too upset to think about food. He closed the door, heading to his own bedroom, and locking it. He grabbed the murder book he’d been trying to read for the entire semester and flopped on his bed. He hadn’t gotten past the first chapter, but he didn’t feel like doing anything else. Of course, he didn’t exactly feel like reading either, but he couldn’t just stare at empty space worrying about Sasuke. 

Of course, by the time that the detective found the dead body in a room with too many clocks, he was doing exactly that, no longer focusing on the individual words, just focusing on what exactly it would be like to find someone dead in a living room. Of course, it depended on who the person was. If it was a stranger, someone would have to call the authorities immediately, obviously, but if it was special, the first instict had to be to reach out to them and try to wake them up. 

There was a knock on his window. Naruto glanced at the clock, narrowing his eyes at it. It wasn’t that late, but it wasn’t exactly early either, not anymore. He crawled out of bed, pulling the curtain back, not surprised that Sasuke was standing out there because he was the only who did that, but a little surprised that he was standing out there. He hurried to let him in, stepping to the side as Sasuke made his way to the bed. Laying on his back, clearly staring up at the ceiling. Naruto closed the curtains and went over, shoving him onto his stomach, and laying down next to him. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, allowing himself to be proud of not yelling that. 

“Nothing happened,” Sasuke said, the words muffled by the pillow.

“I know, I know.” It wasn’t his place. That had to be another choice that Sasuke was allowed to make, he supposed, he had to believe that. “Doesn’t mean you should be out there making yourself uncomfortable, right?” Sasuke didn’t reply, instead turned on his side, scooting closer until his back was pressed against his chest. Naruto wrapped an arm around his waist, the other hand going to play with his hair. “I’m sorry for what--” 

“Naruto? I’m really tired.”

“I know--” 

“So, can we do this tomorrow?”

Naruto kissed the spot between his shoulder blades. “You don’t want to get under the blankets?” Non-life threatening decisions.

“No,” he mumbled. “I’m too comfortable already.”

“Okay,” he said, pulling him just a little closer. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Naruto stayed awake, passed the first hour, when Sasuke’s nightmares tended to appear, and then the second hour, just to be safe. He made it a little pass three in the morning, before realizing that Sasuke was apparently too tired to even have nightmares, and he allowed himself to close his eyes, burying his face against Sasuke’s shoulder blades. 

He woke up with a faint poke against his ribs. 

“You sound hungry,” Sasuke said, the words accompanied by another poke. “And it’s late.”

Now that Sasuke mentioned it, his stomach was grumbling. He hadn’t been hungry last night, but clearly, now, it was a whole different story. It seemed to be a different story for Sasuke, too, who was looking at him with a small smile, less pale than yesterday and every other day before then. His eyes were puffy, but that made sense because he’d been crying in his dad’s bedroom, so it was okay. Naruto would have woken up if Sasuke started crying in his sleep, and he hadn’t, so it was okay. It wasn’t okay, but this morning, it was okay. 

“I forgot to eat last night,” he said. “I was reading this book, and I got distracted.” Naruto handed it over, watching Sasuke flip through the pages. “It’s about this detective who’s out for a vacation, but finds someone passed out in a room full of clocks. I think the clocks have something to do with it, because they keep mentioning them. You know how they have to mention stuff when it’s important, right? I think maybe some clocks are broken, but I can’t imagine somoene walking in, and,” he shook his head. “Anyway, it took a lot of effort to not read the last chapter.”

“You sure are developing the patience of a saint,” Sasuke said.

It felt like someone stabbed him, because that was the first time he really heard a joke out of Sasuke in weeks, and it was a good feeling. It would have made him cry, if he didn’t know crying would just make Sasuke feel like an asshole. “Yeah, yeah, it took a lot of effort, alright? I mean, I could just read it--” 

“But if you read it, you’re going to ruin the entire book.”

“No, I won’t, I’ll know the book. How is that ruining it?”

Sasuke set the book on the bedside table, “I know this is kind of ruining the surprise, but when you see your Christmas present, you have to promise to be patient.”

Sasuke had gone through that amount of shit and he still had time to buy a Christmas present? That. “I thought you didn’t go shopping yesterday.”

“I buy all my presents on Black Friday.” He shrugged, “cheaper that way.”

Okay. So he bought them before much of anything did happen. “So why do I have to be patient?”

Sasuke just smiled. “You’ll have to wait and see, I guess. Practice being patient.”

Naruto knew that Sasuke was joking, obviously. Although, it was good advice. Maybe Karin had been right. He knew, obviously, it couldn’t be easy to heal and move on from anything, ever, really, but maybe he should be a little more patient about everything. “I’ll try my best,” he said, sure that Sasuke didn’t really understand why he suddenly sounded so serious. “And I am sorry about what I said.”

Sasuke nodded. “I know. It’s okay.” He huffed, “it’s not like you were wrong.” He stood up, clearing his throat, “do you want to go downstairs? I can make breakfast.”

“I can, too.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I don’t really want to get sick two days before Christmas. You can just keep me company.”

Naruto wasn’t that bad of a cook, but he wasn’t the best either, he was awful compared to Sasuke, and he didn’t have much of an argument against any of that, so he crawled out of bed, and headed downstairs. There was no one, and it was a little surprising, that his parents were apparently still asleep. But both of them did have the day off and they deserved to be lazy for a day. 

“Pancakes?”

Naruto nodded, reaching for the mix and handing it to Sasuke, taking a seat on the counter. Sasuke looked more awake than yesterday, his shoulders were less tense, and while he still had the general impression that he was exhausted and traumatized, he was acting more like the Sasuke he’d known before everything happened, and that had to be a good thing. Obviously, Sasuke had always had some traumas, which meant that he knew how to deal with at least some of it, right? Maybe he had just been missing a full night of uninterrupted, non-nightmarish sleep. 


	27. Chapter 27

Sasuke was the complete opposite of his brother, if one managed to look passed their seeming politeness. Even that politeness, Itachi’s was clearly mocking, not stepping outside of boundaries, but a lot like Southern politeness, where people were just flipping others in their mind. Sasuke’s politeness, of course, was more anxiety-inducing than anything else. But more than that, if someone stared too long, it wouldn’t be difficult to decide that the amount of control in their respective lives was polarized completely: Itachi, to Minato’s dismay, was in control, always, and Sasuke, also to his dismay, had no control whatsover. 

The fact that he had a direct line in taking some of that control out of Sasuke’s life wasn’t lost on him. 

“You’re really good at this,” he said, just as Sasuke finished wrapping the second present, somehow knowing how much wrapping paper he needed to cover the box perfectly. 

“Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki,” he said, reaching for Yamato’s secret santa present, an old western movie and a brown scarf. “Dad’s not very good at it and I don’t mind. I’m happy to help.”

Minato looked down at the present he was wrapping, a box of bathbombs, that according to Kushina, were, in fact, relaxing and the perfect gift for any travel writer who had the rare luxury of an uncomfortable motel room. He doubted that Sasuke could identify if something really bothered him, or if he was actually happy. He suspected much of that happiness was, in fact, just a non-distressed state. “Thank you, I really appreciate it. Neither Naruto nor Kushina are good gift-wrappers either.”

Sasuke nodded, keeping his eyes on the ground, as he taped one side of the paper. “It’s the least I can do.”

Minato grabbed another box of bathbombs. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing, Mr. Uzumaki,” he replied. “Please forget I said anything.”

“You know, you’re always welcomed here, right?” Minato asked, as gently as he could, because he realized that no matter how much Kushina or he tried to make him feel comfortable, chances were that he didn’t understand that. 

“I know Mr. Uzumaki, thank you,” he said, with a tiny nod. But he didn’t sound like he knew at all, he sounded like he was about to cry. “Mr. Uzumaki?” Sasuke looked up, before looking down again, as soon as they made eye contact. “The day my brother came into the station for the first time, did he really not talk to anyone?”

Minato finished taping the last side of the box. That day had been one of the longest of his life, not just because it started while still looking for Sasuke, and not because halfway through the day, Naruto was crying and running out of the house, and not because he got a call a few minutes later to come into the station without an explanation. It hadn’t even been the shock of getting down to the basement, and sitting across a man who claimed to be Itachi Uchiha. It had been because he’d dragged Sasuke to the station, after what could have only been a terrible day for him as well, and asking Sasuke to promise that he would listen to everything, without even knowing what was happening.

“Itachi,” he began, doing his best to keep his personal opinions out of it. Sasuke had a right to form his opinions about his own brother, no matter how much he wanted to stop Sasuke from ever seeing him again. “He...I wasn’t there when he arrived, but they called me over. They said he was very polite and agreed to wait in the room, where he was still waiting when you got there. He told me who he was and then asked to speak with you. I called Kakashi, and he came over,” he paused. “Itachi didn’t say much, Sasuke. Not until you got there, and you were there for that. Why do you ask?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I talked to him afterwards. When he invited me for dinner,” he said, a small frown on his face. “I--I...he didn’t get to tell me anything, because I kind of went off on him. It wasn’t my best moment, but Naruto said he’s trying to keep me safe, and Itachi kept saying that I had to stop making foolish decisions, and I guess acting stupidly is not...it doesn’t lead to making safe choices. I know that, but I seem to be incapable of doing that, and everyone’s worried about me, and I just keep messing up.” He sighed, “I even got dad drunk enough to walk into a pole and bruise half his face.”

Minato, as the adult in the room, could not possibly cheer when he heard that Sasuke had walked out on Itachi. Especially when he kept listening to him, the guilt clearly evident in his voice, in the way he’d stopped taping the paper onto the box and instead was fiddling with his sleeves, in the way he sighed, long and soft, like the whole world was on his shoulders and he was ready to crumble underneath it. As the adult in the room, he couldn’t possibly interrogate Sasuke about Kakashi being drunk, despite the fact that it was hard to believe. He patted the empty space next to him, not surprised when Sasuke crawled over to it, his back pressed against the end of the bed, his knees up to his chest, his eyes fixed on the door. 

“Is Kakashi okay?”

Sasuke nodded. “He’s fine. For now, I mean.”

“Kiddo, is very noble to worry about everyone around you, but the only person you need to take care of right now is yourself. You’ve been so strong the last couple of weeks, but--” 

“I haven’t. I’ve been a stupid, foolish little kid who can’t even manage to sleep.”

Obviously, he didn’t want to be the reason that Sasuke did lose his last living, blood relative, but he wouldn’t exactly mind having the opportunity to arrest Itachi, if even for a day. He’d heard Sasuke call himself a stupid boy before, but the word foolish was so remiscient of everything Itachi had said to Sasuke, that it was just a tad bit more heartbreaking, and worrisome. Minato stood up, not missing the way that Sasuke jerked back, pressing his back harder against the foot of the bed. “Hold on,” he told him, deciding that telling him  _ not to move _ , while accomplishing keeping him there while he went to the medicine cabinet, was not the smartest thing to say to him at the moment; clearly distressed about something. He had an idea what it was. It didn’t take a genius. 

He rummaged through the medical drawer, until he managed to find the natural stress relievers Kushina had bought for Sasuke a few days ago. That, and the sleeping aid he’d gotten him should hopefully help somewhat. He’d much preferred giving Sasuke prescribed medicine, but he wasn’t a doctor, and as a cop, couldn’t bring himself to get a fake perscription for him, no matter how much he wanted to do that. So, over the counter, natural remedies had to do it, at least for now. He walked back, taking a seat in his original spot, in front of Sasuke. 

“I’m--” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Sasuke,” he said, all too familiar with the way that sentence tended to start whenever his eyes were widened just so. “I didn’t leave for any other reason that you mentioned you can’t sleep and,” he handed over the sleeping aid first. “I know it’s not medicine, and you might not even believe it works, but whenever I can’t sleep, they help me out, and I hope they help you out, too.” He handed over the stress relievers, “and Kushina says that these ones help her feel less anxious whenever she’s nervous about interviewing someone extra important, and she hopes that they may help you, too.”

Sasuke looked down at them, before glancing up, clearing his throat, “Mr. Uzumaki, I can’t accept these. There’s no need to waste money on me.”

“It’s not wasted money, as long as there’s a possibility, even a tiny one, that it’ll help you out,” he replied, softly, yet firmly, to hopefully prevent Sasuke from doing more mental gymnastics. “You’ll have to tell me if they work for you too, okay?”

Sasuke glanced at the containers again, the moment dragging on, before he slipped them inside the sweater’s pockets. “Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Minato smiled softly, before turning his attention back to the unwrapped presents, dragging the one for his dad to his lap. He expected Sasuke to start wrapping presents too, but he never moved. It wasn’t until he finished wrapping Shikaku’s present that he found out why. Sasuke was crying, biting down on his lower lip, somehow swallowing back any and all sounds. “Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong?”

Obviously, a lot of things were wrong, but if he’d learned anything as a cop, it was that it was a lot better to let someone tell the story than to try to make it up on your own. Regardless of how closely his theory was to reality.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, wiping at his cheek.

“I don’t mean to pry,” Minato said. “But I can see you’re crying, and that makes me wonder if there’s anything I can do to help you feel better.”

Sasuke swallowed and took a deep breath. Minato wondered idly if anyone had ever congratulated him for his ability to pull himself together and stop crying in seconds. It was heartbreaking to see, because he didn’t even look angry when he sotpped crying, he just looked like a kid who learned to calm himself down without giving his emotions any regard. If it wasn’t for the way that a small rash would sometimes spread across his cheeks, it would be almost impossible to know he’d been crying.

“It’s just,” Sasuke cleared his throat. “You and Mrs. Uzumaki are very...kind to me, and I’m going to...miss you guys...”

Had to hear the whole story, could not fill in the blanks. “Are you going somewhere, Sasuke?”

He shook his head and Minato allowed himself to breathe a little easier. “Naruto doesn’t like me anymore and, I mean, that’s okay. I don’t really like me anymore, either, so no one can really blame him. I get it. He didn’t really signed up for any of this and--and anyway, I get it. But I’m just going to miss all of you, that’s all.”

If Minato remembered correctly, Naruto spent the entire weekend moping around the house and complaining that the fact that he’d been an idiot didn’t mean that Sasuke had to be grounded indirectly too, and that he should at least be allowed to write and deliver a letter, or sit in his balcony to see if he could spot him from the street. 

“I know this might be awkward considering I’m his dad, but why don’t you tell me a little more about why you think Naruto doesn’t like you anymore?”

“He thinks I’m an awful person because I’m going to kill myself and make Jugo go through that again, and make you guys go through that, and make  _ Kakashi _ go through that again. I’m not! I mean--I--I know I tried, but that was just because everything really hurt. And. And I’m a wimp and I didn’t know that Kakashi’s dad killed himself. If I had, I wouldn’t have tried, I can’t do that to him, and I can’t. I’m not even. I’m not, really. I won’t. I can’t. I don’t really know what happens after people die, but in the off chance--what would I tell my entire family? My  _ mom _ ? They got murdered, I can’t kill myself. I can’t do that to them. I can’t do that to Kakashi.” His shoulders shook, although he still looked like he was trying his best to keep it together.

Minato moved closer, retrieving the stress relief pills, snapping the container open in one swift move. There was clearly a lot of things going on, but he needed to get Sasuke’s breathing a little less ragged, a little less eratic. He’d seen him like that once, when he was panicking about someone arresting Kakashi for beating him. He’d passed out that time. He brought two chewables up to his lips, not surprised that he parted them, accepting them. Minato allowed himself to think that it was because Sasuke trusted him, specifically, and not because he would accept any and all pills from any stranger. He slipped the container back inside Sasuke’s pocket, feeling him lean in, and he shifted to accomodate the position better, letting Sasuke rest against his knee, although he was considering just moving him to the bed. 

Just as soon as Sasuke wasn’t shuddering so much. “The chewables are supposed to taste like grapes, but they always taste more like rubber to me. What do you think?”

“I don’t taste grape,” he replied, in between clenched teeth. 

“Right?” Minato said softly, surprised that Sasuke was leaning closer, instead of pulling away. “Kiddo, can you feel my breathing?” When he nodded, he continued, “I know it’s difficult right now, but I need you to match it, okay? Can you do that?”

Sasuke had a death grip on his right arm, but he nodded, and he was clearly trying. He was managing too, until it started to quickened, getting uneven faster than before. Minato reached back, feeling for anything other than plastic bags. He was sure Kushina had asked for at least three paper bags, but with his attention fixed on Sasuke, making sure he was still conscious, he couldn’t find it. 

“Hey, you’re doing great, it’s okay,” he said, glancing over his shoulder, spotting a brown bag. He leaned back, managing to grab it, and bringing it closer to Sasuke’s face. “This is going to help, okay?” With only one hand, it was difficult to keep it in place, but Sasuke, regardless of his frenzied state, was eager to help, and he held the other side down. Minato watched the bag compress and expand, the grip Sasuke had on his arm slowly losening. Sasuke moved his head away, pulling the bag down. Minato set the bag next to him, within reach; it wouldn’t be smar tto toss it aside right now. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Can you tell me what you mean by that?”

Sasuke took a deep breath. “Better. I’m fine, Mr. Uzumaki. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to apologize for, Sasuke. You did great, and you listened to the instructions well.”

“Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Minato bit back a sigh. “Do you want to talk about anything else or do you want to--” 

“Are you going to send me to an institution?”

Minato was not ready to answer that question. Maybe rather stupidly, he believed that Sasuke wouldn’t kill himself, if only because apparently Kakashi’s dad had committed suicide, too, and he believed that Sasuke would never put Kakashi through that. After all, it had been in this bedroom that Sasuke had broken through a decade-long conditioning to never tell anyone anything, especially a cop, just so that Kakashi wouldn’t get in trouble. Of course, no one should be living just for other people like that, but it hadn’t even been a month, and Minato could give him a break. First, know that Sasuke wasn’t going to kill himself and second, down the line, help him live for himself, rather than other people. 

“I believe you’re not going to permanently hurt yourself,” he began, putting effort into picking his words, feeling as Sasuke relaxed. “But I’m worried that you’re going to faint from an anxiety attack and bump your head.”

“I don’t have anxiety,” Sasuke replied, his shoulders tensing just as fast as they’d relaxed.

“Kiddo,” Minato said, softly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to call it that, for now, but this is the second time it happens in this bedroom, alone. I know a lot of people make it seem like only weak people have anxiety attacks, and you might feel that way too, but I am still worried that you’re going to hyperventilate, faint, and accidentally hurt yourself. What do you think we can do about that?”

“You really believe I won’t kill myself?”

“I do,” Minato replied. “And I also want you to know that even if Naruto breaks up with you, or you break up with him, or both of you break up with each other at the same time, Kushina and I will still care about you, and I’m always going to be here, if you ever need my help.” Sasuke’s shoulders shook again, but the bag was within reach. “But I’m worried about you, and I think it’s important we brainstorm some ideas to make sure you won’t accidentally hurt yourself.”

“I could take anxiety medication,” Sasuke said, softly.

If he was honest, Minato had been hoping for something like that, he just hadn’t expected Sasuke to jump on it so quickly. He didn’t know what to think of it, except that maybe Sasuke was simply too tired to put up much of a fight and wasn’t entirely sure what he was saying. “That’s an option, but you have to have them prescribed first, so you’d have to talk to a doctor. What other options can you think of?”

“Dr. Uzuki doesn’t want to see me?”

“No, she does,” Minato replied, proud that his heart didn’t skip a beat, not even because of the downtrodden tone Sasuke’s voice suddenly adopted. When he’d hung up on him, Minato had assumed that Sasuke wasn’t interested anymore, but he had still gone and made an appointment for the earliest date, tomorrow. He’d assumed he’d have to call and cancel it, apologizing, but apparently, a little baffling, Sasuke was still wanting to go. “She actually just called and asked me if you wanted to come in tomorrow? You can come later, of course, if you want, but she’s going to be out of town until New Year’s Day, so we’ll--” 

“Tomorrow?”

There went Sasuke’s heartbeat again. “Yeah, but like I said, you can wait until--” 

“Tomorrow works fine, except.” Sasuke took a deep breath. “Except I’m grounded, and I don’t think dad is just going to let me walk off.”

“I can talk to him, if you’d like. I won’t say where we’re going, if you don’t want, but maybe if he knows you’re with me, he won’t mind.”

It took a long time, but Sasuke eventually nodded. Although his heart rate had spiked, and his breathing was becoming more shallow, again. “What should I bring? What if she does think I need to go to an institution? Mr. Uzumaki, I can’t. I can’t do that. I know there’s nothing wrong with it, but I can’t do that, I’m not going to kill myself, I’ve just been a little overwhelmed lately, but--” 

“I know. I know,” Minato said, just as the death grip came back. “It’s going to be okay. Remember you’re going to talk to someone, and you’re going so you can get medicine to help you feel less anxious.”

It took a moment, but Sasuke nodded. “How much is it going to be, Mr. Uzumaki?”

He would love to tell him not to worry about it, but that would probably make him feel worse. He brushed Sasuke’s hair back, allowing himself a moment to close his eyes. “If you don’t want Kakashi to know, it’s going to be about four hundred dollars.”

“Four hundred?”

“Yes,” Minato replied. He could have just lied and told him fifty and paid the difference himself, but if Sasuke ever found out, he doubted that he would ever trust him again. He suspected that a lot of this talk was possible because he hadn’t given Sasuke a reason to mistrust him yet. “I know that it’s a little steep, but I can pay tomorrow and--” 

“No--” 

“You can pay me later. It’ll be a loan,” he said. “In fact, if you want, I have a couple of friends, the trainers we get our K-9s from, they’re looking for someone to help out a few times a week. You could help them out, and we can call it even.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. You’ve volunteered at animal shelters for a few years, right?” He asked, already knowing the answer because Naruto had spent hours talking about how much Sasuke loved animals, and how if they ever got to live together when they were older, they could totally have a thousand pets. “And you don’t mind hardwork. They’ll love you.”

Sasuke was clearly trying to slow down his heartbeat after the understandable spike from the prize. Minato handed him the brown bag, but he shook his head, so he set it back down on their side. 

“Okay, that sounds good, I think--” 

There was a knock. And then the door opened. Minato turned around, finding his son standing by the doorframe. “If you want to leave, Jugo’s here.”

He needed to talk to Naruto later. “You’ll tell me if the sleeping pills work?” He whispered, fully aware that Naruto tended to eavesdrop, and making sure his voice was low enough that Sasuke could barely hear him. Sasuke gave a small nod, and Minato reached out to brush his hair back. “I’ll talk to your dad about tomorrow, okay? It’ll probably be around noon, so I’ll go get you. I won’tell him where you’re going, I promise, okay? Go wash your face.”

Sasuke did, disappearing into the bathroom, the water running, presumably because he was washing his face. And then, he was out of the bedroom. Minato heard him say goodbye just as clearly as he heard the front door office. 

“What happened?”

The talk they needed to have with Naruto was not one that could be done quickly, much less in the heat of the moment. Obviously, he knew there were always at least two sides to the same story. He’ll hear Naruto’s side, just not in the heat of the moment. He stood up, “it’s not my place to say, kiddo.”

Naruto groaned, “can you at least tell me if he’s going to be okay?”

“I hope so,” he said. He did hope so, and--and the conversation with him, if he could disregrd the crying and the anxiety attack, had been...productive. The words  _ anxiety meds _ had left Sasuke’s mouth without much prompting, and that had to count for something. Minato had to give the kid credit. He pushed some of the wrapped presents underneath the bed. “You want to help in the kitchen?”

He shook his head, “I’m just going to be in the bedroom.”

“Okay,” he replied. It was not the time to have the conversation with him about how guilting someone out of a suicide, no matter the circumstances, was never a good option. “We’ll call you down once dinner is ready.”

“Don’t. I’m not hungry.”

Minato watched him turned around, closing the door after him, hearing footsteps that never seemed to fade because the farther he presumably was, the louder he stomped. He shook his head and walked to lock the door. He sent a text to Kushina, telling her that he was working upstairs and would be heading down soon, and then he dialed Dr. Uzuki’s phone number. 

“Hello, this is Dr. Uzuki’s speaking.”

“Hi, Dr. Uzuki,” Minato smiled. “It’s Minato.”

She laughed down the line. “Stop calling me Dr. Uzuki. What’s up?”

He sat down on the bed, his eyes catching the brown bag. Kushina and her efforts to save the Earth by recycling, at the very least, managed to help Sasuke out. “Just calling to confirm Sasuke’s appointment for tomorrow.”

“Oh! He decided to come?”

“Yeah. It’s still okay?” The last thing Sasuke needed was to find out that a doctor was too busy to see him. 

“Absolutely. I’ll see him at one.”

“Okay,” he said. He’ll have to hold out the hope until he actually watched Sasuke go inside her office, but it was less than twenty-four hours away, and that had to count for something. “Oh, he still doesn’t want his dad to know, so just tell your secretary not to bill his insurance.”

“Is he sure?”

“Yeah, don’t mention it. We figured it out. We’ll see you tomorrow, then. Thanks, again.”

“Don’t mention it,” she replied. “See you tomorrow at one.”

Minato stared down at his phone, for an entire minute, before he dialed Kakashi’s phone, waiting. He knew that there were at least two sides to the same story and it’s not like he could technically say anything, but he hoped that at least he had realized that drinking did nothing to help Sasuke. 

“Hey. Is everything okay?”

Minato cleared his throat, “yes. Sasuke just headed over with Jugo.”

“Thanks.”

“Would it be okay if I pick him up tomorrow? I know he’s grounded--” 

“It’s fine,” Kakashi sighed. Minato couldn’t help but frown at that. “He should get out of the house for a bit.”

“If you want him out of the house, why is he grounded?”

There was the sigh again. “He almost started crying when I asked him if he wanted to come shopping with us. I think he thought I didn’t want him anymore, or something. Don’t worry, he likes you too much to cry about it, too, and he doesn’t mind going to see Naruto, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants to sleep over, again...anyway, yeah, yeah, what time?”

Sasuke had  _ wanted _ to stay grounded? Becuase he thought Kakashi ungrounding him meant he was going to toss him away? No wonder he’d been...he’d reacted the way he did when he thought about making Kakashi go through losing someone close to him, again. Minato rubbed his eyes. “Uh, just before noon, but he can show up whenever too.”

“Okay. Do you need something else?”

Maybe a glass of wine. “No. No, I’ll keep him safe tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t let him near you if you didn’t. Bye, have a good night.”

“Bye, Kakashi,” Minato said, hearing the line go dead. He stayed on the bed for a few minutes, until he found enough energy to wash his face, too. 

And then headed upstairs, offering his help in the kitchen, but Kushina and Mariko both waved him off, decidedly pointing at the living room. Minato didn’t complain, he loved spending time with Karin. There was something odd about her, but he knew that she was missing Sakura.

That had to be it. 

After dinner, he cleaned up, Karin still by his side, talking about cheerleading tryouts, and how she wanted to try out, just so she could cheer on Sakura in her lacrosse games while wearing a cute, real cheerleading outfit. She was enthusiastic and loud enough, and sweet enough, so he could do nothing except encourage her, and tell her that everyone would come out to cheer her on, and Sakura, too. Minato hadn’t seen Sakura in awhile, but he was glad that they had resolved their issues and had obviously fallen in love harder than the first time. That was the only explanation to why Karin was thinking about cheerleading.

But he kept that thought to himself as he listened to her, while they washed and dried the dishes. 

The next day, he slipped out of bed, knowing that Kushina had gotten into bed late, having spent most of the night talking to her sister, drinking hot tea. He hovered on top of the stairs, though, when he heard Naruto and Sasuke. Downstairs. It couldn’t possibly be noon. He glanced down at his watch, but it clearly showed it was barely ten. 

He finished walking downstairs, spotting his son and Sasuke, in fact, in the kitchen. Naruto sitting on the counter, his attention fixed on Sasuke, who was clearly cooking something. Breakfast, he realized, spotting a small stack of golden pancakes already on a plate. 

“Good morning,” he said, heading to the coffee machine.

“Good morning, dad.”

“Good morning, Mr. Uzumaki.”

Minato needed coffee. Kakashi did tell him that he wouldn’t be surprised if Sasuke came and slept over, and he didn’t mind that, and he knew Kushina didn’t mind, either, obviously. But he had been under the impression that Naruto had hurt Sasuke’s feelings, and that they were in a fight. But they didn’t look like they weren’t in a fight. Naruto was smiling, and so was Sasuke. A small one, but a clear one. 

Had he accidentally drugged him? He couldn’t have. They didn’t have drugs in the house. He shook his head, to himself, and took a large gulp of the coffee. 

“Would you and Mrs. Uzumaki like pancakes as well, Mr. Uzumaki?”

He stared a little. “Um. Yeah, kiddo, if that’s okay. Thank you.”

Sasuke nodded, before turning his attention to the pan. Minato stared some more, before taking his cup of coffee to the dining room, his mind vaguely registrating Naruto talking about a book that apparently involved a little too many aliens, and fake ones at that. He had no idea how anyone could call aliens fake, considering no one had really seen an alien, but, for all he knew, Sasuke had turned into an alien. It was...disconcerting. 

The conversation followed him to the table, once Naruto and Sasuke came over with breakfast. “Kushina is still asleep,” he said, watching Sasuke almost immediately cover half of the pancakes with a paper towel. “But I know she’ll appreciate it.”

Sasuke nodded, but his attention quickly drifted to Naruto, still a soft smile on his face, even accepting the piece that Naruto hovered in front of his mouth. Minato turned back to the food, eating two whole ones, before he stared down at his watch again. It was eleven now, and it didn’t take two hours to get there, but Sasuke was acting so--more like he’d acted before. He needed to talk to him and make sure he was okay. 

Naruto pouted, but Sasuke told him to practice patient, and it seemed to be an inside joke, because they both shared a smile and a look. It was truly disconcerting. Minato grabbed his car keys and headed outside, walking sideways so he could keep an eye on Sasuke and make sure that he got in the car. He would have understood if he didn’t, but Sasuke did, putting on his seatbelt before Minato was even inside. 

“How are you?” He asked, once he was driving out of the street.

“The sleeping aids worked,” Sasuke replied. “I mean, I don’t know if it was the pils, I can only assume they did, though. I could sleep fine.” His cheeks flushed, “Naruto might have helped. I don’t know. I mean, we didn’t do anything. I’m just...his pillows are comfortable.”

Minato nodded. “I’m glad you slept well, kiddo. That’s great news,” he said. “How are you feeling? You still want to go?”

Sasuke nodded. “I don’t...I don’t like not breathing.”

No one did. “Okay. I can come in with you, or I can stay outside, okay? Just let me know.”

Sasuke nodded. At the end, deciding that he would rather go inside alone. Minato hadn’t expected anything else, but he’d wanted him to have that choice. He sat in the waiting area, the chairs surprisngly comfortable. It had been awhile since he’d come in here, since he’d brought Kakashi here the first time. They had a new stack of magazines, so he picked one up, and started flipping through the pages. An hour later, he heard a door unlocking. 

Sasuke came out first, followed by Dr. Uzuki. Surprisingly, he didn’t look like he’d been crying, but he handed him a paper, with doctor’s handwritten scribbled on it. 

“Do you have any questions, Sasuke?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No, Dr. Uzuki.” His voice sounded hoarse, but his eyes weren’t red. “I think I got it. Thank you for your time. I’ll come back in six weeks?”

Minato kept his face impassive. He had been hoping it wouldn’t be a one-time thing, because obviously, it needed follow-up, but he hadn’t thought Sasuke would bring that up himself. For the first time in his life, he wished there was no such thing as patient confidentiality, just so he could stop being bewildered at Sasuke. 

“Sooner, if you feel any negative side effects, okay?” Dr. Uzuki smiled at him, and when Sasuke nodded, she turned to look at him. “It’s the pharmacy closest to your house, they should be ready in about an hour or so, but they’ll call.”

Minato nodded, and watched Sasuke thanked her again. He did the same, excusing himself, letting Sasuke open the door for him. They were in the elevator, when Sasuke turned to look at him. 

“Thank you for bringing me, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Of course, Sasuke,” he replied. “I hope it was helpful, and I’m very proud of you. I hope you’re proud of yourself, too.”

Sasuke just gave him a small smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fav chapter  
i really am bias to minato arent i


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also like this one

“Are you busy?”

Naruto looked up. His dad was standing by the door, holding a stuffed portfolio. He shook his head, sitting up, setting the book by his side. “No, why?”

His dad came in, closing the door. “I’m hoping we can chat a bit,” he said, grabbing the desk’s chair and pulling it closer to the bed. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Naruto replied. He always had time to talk to his parents, just like his parents always had time to talk to him. Despite the way that his dad was looking at him now, with a small frown and a disappointed look; perhaps, even more so, because of the way his dad was looking at him. “What’s up?”

His dad stared at him for a few seconds, before he spoke, “I was wondering if you could walk me through some things about Sasuke. Like what you guys were talking about before we got here yesterday, and maybe what you guys were talking about afterwards? This morning at breakfast, and a little before that.”

“Well, I guess,” he began. It couldn’t have been Karin telling his dad, his dad was worried because Sasuke had been crying yesterday, while they were supposed to be wrapping presents. Maybe if he was lucky, he’d find out why Sasuke was crying yesterday. “Well, at breakfast, we were just talking about books, when we woke up I mean. He slept the whole night, and he woke me up and told me I sounded hungry. Before you guys got here yesterday...he fell asleep standing up, leaning agaisnt the fridge, and so I took him to the couch, and he never realized I carried him there, never woke up, and then he had nightmares, so I woke him up. I told him he had to sleep because it wasn’t funny that someone could just wait for him to fall asleep and get himself kidnapped. I told him he should talk to a therapist, and he refused, so I told him that he obviously needed to because very clearly, he is trying to get himself killed and that’s stupid because when he does, he’s going to leave a lot of people who care about him behind and hurting.” He sighed, “I talked to Karin afterwards, and I said maybe I wasn’t congratulating him enough for not killing himself  _ yet _ , but I’m pretty sure no one should be congratulating him for that because if he isn’t thinking about killing himself, after that, he’ll definietly start. But anyway, I also told him that he couldn’t even stare up at ceilings and he should definietly talk to a therapist about that, and when he came over, he stared up at the ceiling and I pushed him onto his stomach because that’s not what I meant, but I did want to apologize because pointing that out...it wasn’t very helpful, even though, I’m technically right.”

He’d said the ceiling thing in the heat of the moment. He hadn’t meant to, and he had wanted to apologize for that because it hadn’t been  _ right _ . He still wanted to apologize, because even if Sasuke slept through the night, by some miracle, he still deserved an apology for that one, but now, Naruto didn’t know if he should apoogize because that could mess up Sasuke again, and he didn’t want to be one of those people that only apologized to make themselves feel better, didn’t want to put the burden of accepting an apology on Sasuke because he  _ would _ , even if he shouldn’t, or didn’t want to. 

“That sounds like a lot of things happened yesterday,” his dad said. “Why don’t you tell me about what makes you think Sasuke’s trying to get himself killed?”

Naruto was used to his dad’s questions. He grew up with them, he knew the way they led someone on, knew that his dad was always interested in hearing every side of the story, but his questions were targeted to get to the real problem. He sighed, “you mean besides that he ran away without a plan, and he walked into a car of a stranger, whom I met, by the way, and looks exactly like the kind of person who no one should ever get into a car with? Also, his general low self-esteem that I used to think was just politeness, and maybe a little bit of anxiety around adults, but now feel like it’s more because he hates himself and just wants to die. Nevermind everything else going on around him. I mean, he got kidnapped, he’s obviously traumatized about that, he keeps having nightmares of everyone dying and he can’t do anything about that. Even without the low self-esteem, the sleep deprivation alone would make anyone want to kill themselves a little, right? He probably wants to kill himself because he’s tired and thinks that he’s a burden on everyone, which is stupid because when he kills himself, he is going to become a burden on everyone because he’s going to be dead and everyone else is going to have to deal with that.”

“And you feel that people who commit suicide are not thinking of other people when they do it?”

“They’re obviously not, if they were they wouldn’t kill themselves.”

“So you would be angry with Sasuke if he did try, or suceeded?”

“Yeah. I’d be sad too. Why would he kill himself, he has so much to live for? He’s  _ sixteen _ . Obviously, he has a lot to live for. I mean, obviously, like I said, there’s a lot of things to make him want to die, too, but people care about him and he shouldn’t. It’s stupid when people kill themselves and they’re obviously not thinking about other people. I mean, aren’t people worried about copycat suicides? People who kill themselves are obviously not thinking about the fact that they’re probably shoving three other people over the edge.”

“It sounds like you think people who commit suicide are selfish and have a character flaw.”

“I don’t think it’s a character flaw, but it is selfish. There’s help available and they decide not to use it? That’s stupid.”

“You know, sometimes we’re called to help someone who is going to commit suicide, right?” His dad asked, and Naruto had to nod because he did know that. “What do you think we tell them?”

“That it’s going to get better? Which it is!” Naruto huffed, “and that there’s help available. Which there is!”

It looked like his dad was biting back a sigh. “What are you doing for the rest of the day, kiddo?”

Naruto shrugged, “nothing. Just read that book. Sasuke says I shouldn’t read the last chapter, but I really want to know what happens, so I gotta finish it.”

“Do you think you could read some things for me instead?”

Naruto eyed the portfolio. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” He sighed, “you’re disappointed in what I said, aren’t you?”

His dad started to take out stacks of papers from the portfolio, laying them neatly in front of him. “I’m concerned that neither your mom nor I have talked to you about this, and we’ve let you come to your own beliefs about suicide on your own. I’m worried that your current beliefs may hurt you in the long run, or may hurt Sasuke, or other people for whom you may care for in the future.” There were five stacks in front of him. “I want you to read them all, okay? And when you’re done, I’ll like you to come talk to me about your thoughts again. There’s not much wrong about not being educated about things that you haven’t been exposed to, other than through your friends’ opinions or mainstream media, but I think it’s time that you get a little more educated, properly. I’ll be downstairs when you’re done.”

Naruto watched his dad close the door after leaving the bedroom. And then pulled the middle stack towards him, shifting to lay comfortably on the bed, his chin supported by Sasuke’s favorite pillow. 

And then he started reading. 

Articles upon articles, some of them a little difficult to stomach, not just because they were on brain chemistry, but because they were depressing. Actually depressing. He just hadn’t known. It made sense that he hadn’t because...his life was fantastic. He had great parents who loved him, and he had friends who liked him; sure, he’d been a little sick as a kid and some teachers thought that he was a little stupid, but he’d convinced himself a long time ago that he wasn’t stupid, he was just stupid in school, and even then, he’d been trying a lot this semester, and he hadn’t gotten  _ terrible _ grades. His life was perfect enough that the first guy he liked had actually liked him back. 

And some of the articles--the sadder ones, he found, talked about how a lot of times, it wasn’t that someone’s life  _ sucked _ , it was just that their fall from grace had been worse--which maybe suggested that his own fall would suck because he had never, apparently, developed coping mechanisms to handle much of life’s harsher punches. It kind of suggested that someone like Sasuke, who’s life had objectively sucked, could handle more of the trauma involved in his life, which Karin...had kind of talked about because he hadn’t killed himself yet, right?

So maybe Sasuke’s coping mechanisms hadn’t caught up to the new trauma, but they would, and maybe Naruto had been exceedingly unfair with him yesterday. Maybe Sasuke just actually only needed to sleep. But other articles talked about how sometimes, events just pushed people off the edge, and--and there had been a lot of events that could push any sane person over the edge in Sasuke’s life lately. 

So, it was hard to tell. But Naruto wasn’t a trained psychologist, or doctor, or therapist, so it couldn’t be his responsability to diagnose him. That wasn’t why his dad asked him to read all the articles. 

No. No. It was because, regardless of the article--scientific article or the memoir of a wife whose husband killed himself--it was abundantly clear that people who thought suicide was selfish were. Idiots. In so many words. Were lucky, that they couldn’t possibly understand why someone would fight human nature itself to survive and end their lives. 

He set the last article down. His dad couldn’t have possibly known it was the one he would finish last, but it made him feel like an asshole. It talked about what people shouldn’t say to suicidal people, and at the very top was clearly that they shouldn’t guilt them. And right below it, it mentioned that they shouldn’t...make it about other people. 

He glanced at the clock, finding he’d spent about four hours looking through everything. He sat there, for a few minutes, trying to uplift his mood, and then collected all the articles, and shoved them in his closet, in the top shelf, underneath his summer clothes. He wrote a note to Sasuke, telling him that he was downstairs, getting food, but the door was opened, and to come in. He taped it on the balcony door, so he’ll be able to read it if he showed up. He didn’t know if Sasuke would show up, but if he did, Naruto couldn’t have him waiting outside on the balcony. 

And then he headed downstairs, his dad, just like he said, in the living room, watching the evening news. More sad stuff. 

“I read them,” Naruto said, going to sit next to his dad, moving the pillows away so their shoulders could be touching. 

“And what you think?”

“I think that this is just like freshman year English, when we were reading  _ Speak _ , and ironically enough, it was Hinata who went on a five minute speech about the way that people who weren’t sexually abused survivors couldn’t possibly understand the pain involved and that the only thing people could do was be there for people who were survivors, but  _ shut their fucking pieholes otherwise _ .” 

Hearing Hinata swearing had been enough to shut the entire class up. Hinata’s face had been bright red and she had been shaking, and her voice had made it seem like she was on the verge of tears, and Ino and Sakura had jumped in, and taken over, talking about the policing of girl’s bodies and too many words that had been lost on him at the time. But he remembered thinking that he’d been so glad he’d been on their side because it made sense. People who couldn’t speak personally to an experience shouldn’t barge in with their opinions about it. But, now, he had been on the wrong side.

“Tell me more about that,” his dad said, shifting to, presumably, get a better look at him. 

“I talked to Karin yesterday,” he said, “and she said that pretending that anyone around Sasuke was in worse pain than Sasuke himself was stupid. I thought that it wasn’t because if he killed himself, he wouldn’t be in any pain anymore, but everyone else would be.” He shook his head, “I mean, I didn’t actually say  _ if _ , I said  _ when _ , and I mean...I’m still really worried about Sasuke, and I don’t want to go through his suicide, but...a lot of the articles talked about how the brain makes people think that no one cares about them, and if someone does care about them, they are being a burden to them. Thinking your presence is a burden on other people is...the complete opposite of selfishness, isn’t it? If they can even think about people who would care for them, because if they don’t think anyone cares about them, then why would they want to keep living so isolated and alone, anyway?” He shrugged. “I just...I guess my life isn’t bad like that, and even if it was, you and my mom have always talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with others and helping others, and letting yourself get helped, too, and I mean--I mean, you and mom have always listened to me, even if I guess sometimes, what I say, it’s kind of stupid, or it might not be a big deal, but you guys have helped me realize that everything passes, but some people don’t have awesome parents like you guys, and if they don’t have parents like that, or people like that in their lives, then how are they meant to know that everything does get better? And even if they have heard that before, how are they ever supposed to  _ believe it _ ? It mostly just means that I don’t really understand, and I hope I never really understand, but that just means that I shouldn’t be an asshole about it. I mean, I don’t wear glasses, but I’m not going around telling Karin that she doesn’t need glasses, just because I’ve never had to wear them. It’s stupid to say that. It’s just as stupid when people say that being gay is just a phase, because anyone who isn’t, can’t really understand, and if they can’t, they should shut up, or educate themselves to teach other people who are being assholes, right? Anyway,” he cleared his throat. “I guess I’m just trying to say that I was an idiot and I messed up.”

He said a lot of things to Sasuke that he shouldn’t have. 

His dad squeezed his shoulder, “you know what we do with guilt?”

“Do better” He nodded, “make amends, grow, and do better.”

“Do you think you’re ready to start on the first step?”

Naruto chuckled, “well, I can tell you that I don’t really want to wallow in my misery and don’t want to keep feeling guilty. I mean, I know that maybe Sasuke won’t forgive me.” That was a real possibility, he supposed, although...Sasuke had shown up hours afterwards and had stayed over. But still. He had to prepare himself for that possibility. And he had to respect it. He’d been stepping over a couple of things lately and...make amends, grow, and do better. “But even if he doesn’t, I think I still owe him an apology.”

“You want help with it?”

Naruto shook his head, “no. I think I should work on it on my own.” He couldn’t always rely on his dad for his apologies. If his dad helped him with it, it wouldn’t be his own apology anymore. “I think...some of the articles were helpful, and I think I can do it.”

“Okay,” his dad said. “If you do need help, or if you do want to talk more about it, I know it’s a heavy topic, or talk about anything at all, your mom and I are here for you.”

“I know, dad.”

“And I’m really proud of you, too. I know that you are dealing with worrying about Sasuke too, and I know that’s not easy.”

Naruto nodded. “Thanks, dad. I’m going to grab something to eat and then I’m going back upstairs. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, kiddo.”

Naruto smiled, and headed towards the kitchen. He decided that he could make himself a grilled cheese sandwich and a sliced cucumber. He headed upstairs, pushing his bedroom door open. He had meant it about apologizing to Sasuke and he knew he had been the one to leave the note taped to his door, and the door opened, but he had hoped for more time to prepare his apology. But Sasuke was there, laying down on the floor, writing something on a notebook. 

“Hey. The bed’s right there,” Naruto said. Because it was.

“No kidding, Sherlock,” Sasuke said, glancing up. “I read that you’re not supposed to be in bed unless it’s for sleeping,” he said. “Because if you do other stuff on it, then you’re going to confuse your brain and it won’t be able to sleep when you’re tired.”

Naruto was pretty sure that Sasuke not being able to sleep was because of nightmares, not because his brain was confused about what a bed was supposed to be for. But he kept that thought to himself. Instead, he took a seat by him, “what are you doing?”

“Sudoku.” He shifted the notebook a little, and it was filled with numbers, and Naruto didn’t want anything to do with them. “Dad said that if I could finish five of them by tomorrow, I didn’t have to do a second sport once school started. I’m almost done.”

“Weren’t you going to do track and lacrosse?”

“I don’t want to do lacrosse,” Sasuke said. “I’m tired. I barely want to do track.”

Naruto stopped the frown. “How come? I thought you liked running.”

Sasuke sat up, their shoulders touching, keeping the notebook on his lap, his eyes still fixed on the page. “I do,” he said. “I’m just tired. I want to get a part-time job, and I can’t do that if I have sports every day of the week, plus weekends for meets and games. Your dad said some friends of his were looking for some help, I guess the kennel that trains the K-9s.” He wrote a nine down, and then a seven on top of it. 

Naruto hummed, “well, if it helps, you can tell Kakashi I can give you rides back and forth.”

He wrote down a two. “If you do that, you probably won’t be able to do anything than track, either.”

Naruto chuckled, “that’s okay. I’ll have more time to study anyway. Besides, last year was the only year I’ve played two sports in the spring, and I did not enjoy all that much.”

“If you say so,” Sasuke mumbled. “And if you’re sure.”

“I am,” Naruto said. He picked up one slice of the sandwich, nudging Sasuke gently. “Are you hungry?”

He shook his head. “Ate before I came. Jugo made pasta,” he said. A three and seven went on two squares. “They’re skyping with their parents.”

“Oh,” Naruto said. “Wishing them a merry christmas a few days early?”

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah. Jugo’s mom is visiting his grandparents, I think she just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

Naruto nodded, his words from yesterday replaying in his head. “Sasuke?” He got a hum as a reply, although, the paper got three other numbers. “About what I said yesterday, I shouldn’t have said any of that, and the stuff that I should have said, like how I’m worried about you, I should have said differently.” 

“It’s okay,” he said. 

Naruto bit back a sigh, “I really don’t think it is, and if it’s alright with you, I would like to apologize for a couple of things.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him, but set the notebook and pencil down, nodding. “Sure, if you want, but you really don’t have to.”

Naruto nodded, taking a deep breath. He still hadn’t prepared, but he could do it. Sasuke was allowing him to do it, and maybe it was because he was too nice for his own good, but he had to do it. He spent hours learning and reading articles, and he’d told his dad that he didn’t need his help in apologizing. “I am still frightened that you’re going to kill yourself, but yesterday, I don’t think I acted well because I didn’t let you speak, and I’d like you to know that I really can listen to you, if you ever feel like you want to talk with me about anything. I shouldn’t have guilted you and I’m sorry about that.”

Sasuke picked up the notebook again. It was okay. Naruto wasn’t sure if that had been a good apology, or even a decent one, and it was okay that Sasuke didn’t want to talk about it, or accept the apology, or anything, really. He took a bite of the sandwich. It was hard to swallow. He managed.

“You weren’t wrong,” Sasuke said. “I mean,” he closed the Sudoku book, “you were. I’m not going to kill myself. I don’t want to. I’m just tired, and I can’t sleep very well, but I can’t do that. I’m not going to.” He looked away, towards the bathroom, “I wanted to tell you yesterday, but you cut me off, and when I saw you again, I,” he cleared his throat. “I really was tired last night.”

“I’m sorry for cutting you off and not listening. I don’t want to be that kind of person in your life.” Obviously, he knew that he had a strong personality, but...he could do better. 

Sasuke glanced at him, a ghost smile on his face. “But you were right about the therapist. When Kakashi took me, I didn’t. I never went to one, I mean, logistically, I couldn’t have gone because then they would know, right? So, I didn’t, and I guess I just thought that I could deal with things fine.” He shrugged. Naruto wanted to tell him that all things considered, he had dealt with things fine, really, but he kept that to himself. “And I didn’t want to go, but I don’t want to be the reason that people who care about me are hurt. Your dad took me today. I don’t really want to talk about it, but...I didn’t...hate it. And I’m...glad I went.”

Naruto wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that information. Obviously, he was glad that Sasuke had gone because he genuinly thought that it would help, but--if he had only gone because he didn’t want to hurt other people, that...may defeat the purpose. He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure. But Sasuke had given him a cop out when he said that he didn’t want to talk about it. So, they wouldn’t. “Oh,” he said, taking another bite of the sandwich, keeping his eyes on the wall. 

Until he felt a sharp jab on his right side, and he turned to look at him, finding him with a small...Naruto wouldn’t call it pout because that was not something that Sasuke did, but...it looked like a pout.

“You can tell me you’re proud of me.”

“I am!” Naruto said. He was. Obviously. “You just said you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t. Not. Not what was happening,” he shook his head. “Not inside. In the actual session. But you should tell me that you’re happy for me. Aren’t you?”

For some reason, it kind of felt like Sasuke was stringing him along, but Naruto didn’t care. “I do.” He nodded, “I am happy for you. And proud. Really.”

Sasuke smiled, and then grabbed the notebook again. Naruto watched him for a moment, before he turned to face the wall again. If his dad took him, then...he was a little confused. He wasn’t confused. He knew that what he said was wrong, but then...why had it, apparently, worked? No, it couldn’t have worked. Sasuke going to a therapist didn’t mean that telling him that he was a selfish, in so many words, had been the way to go about it. 

It didn’t matter. He had apologized, and he had meant it, and he was glad and happy that Sasuke had gone to a therapist, and he hoped that it really helped--

“Naruto?”

He glanced at him, his eyes still fixed on the page, although it looked like more squares had numbers in them, and the pen was gripped tighter, juding by the tension in his hand. 

“Yeah?”

“I...I--I don’t want you...talking to my brother again. I know that I shouldn’t tell you who you can and can’t talk to, but,” he sighed, “please don’t talk to him again.”

Naruto bit back a sigh. Maybe if he hadn’t gone, and if he hadn’t told Sasuke he went, then maybe, he would give Itachi a chance. His brother obviously cared about him. “Okay,” he said, literally watching the tension leave Sasuke. “I won’t. I promise.”

Sasuke nodded. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. He’s your brother,” he said. A brother who cared about him, but Sasuke apparently didn’t want anything to do with him. “I won’t.” He cleared his throat, “how many do you have left?”

“This is the last one,” Sasuke replied. “I’m almost done.”

Naruto nodded, standing up and taking the plate to his desk. “Do you want to get under the blankets tonight?”

“Only if you’re giving me pjs.”

Naruto went to his drawer, taking out his frog pajamas for Sasuke and a striped set for himself. He tossed the pajamas towards Sasuke, and went inside the bathroom to get ready for bed. When he came out, Sasuke was wearing the pajamas; it was weird, seeing him out of the orange sweater, that was now folded on the ground, along with the rest of Sasuke’s clothes. 

“You finished it?”

Sasuke nodded, standing up and going to the bathroom. It was around the time that Sasuke showed up yesterday, and there was...worry, some of it. It could have just been that last night had been a fluke and that Sasuke wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. It would be okay, because Naruto would be there and he would be able to wake him up. But he hoped Sasuke would be able to sleep again. A full night of sleep, uninterrupted, without nightmares. He sighed, picking up Sasuke’s clothes and putting them on top of his drawers, before pulling the blankets off the bed, and getting under them. About five minutes later, Sasuke was crawling to his side, decidedly not looking up at the ceiling, just on his side. 

“Sasuke, what do you want for your birthday and Christmas?” He might as well ask. It didn’t matter that asking was practically admitting that one day away from Christmas, he hadn’t gotten his boyfriend anything. 

“You mean other than free access to your bedroom and wardrobe?” Sasuke asked, turning to face him. “I’m good.”

“I’m serious,” Naruto said, his eyes closing involuntarily when Sasuke leaned closer, leaving his lips with a warm tingle, and his breath caught in his throat. 

“Me too,” he said. “I really don’t want anything else. I guess just don’t break up with me on my birthday.”

“I’m not going to break up with you,” Naruto said. The thought had never even crossed his mind, and if it had, it would not be on Sasuke’s birthday. That was an awfully shitty thing to do, to even consider.

“Good,” he said, turning around. “In that case, I think I am good.”

“Sasuke--” 

“I’m serious,” he said, a little more firmly. “You let me show up, unannounced, whenever I want, and you let me keep your clothes, and your parents even give me stuff. I really am good, stop worrying about it. If you really are dying to get me something, get me the laundry detergent you guys use.”

Naruto laughed. Covered his mouth to stop himself. “I’m not laughing at you,” he hurried to explain. Well, a little--not at  _ him _ , just at the idea of a sixteen-year-old asking for laundry detergent for his birthday  _ and _ Christmas. “I’m just laughing because  _ I _ have no idea what laundry detergent we use.”

“You have all day tomorrow to figure it out,” he said. “Now, let me sleep. I’m tired.”

“Okay,” Naruto replied. Sasuke was tired, so maybe he would be able to sleep. Of course, he had been tired forever. That didn’t mean anything. He really could only hope and pray that tonight would be like the previous night, and that maybe, every night after that would be restful, too. Hopefully. His ceiling was white.

It was. 

Sasuke couldn’t stare up at it anymore. Obviously, Naruto didn’t know how he slept in his own house because they didn’t exactly spend a lot of time in his house, but it...must have been awful. He knew it had been awful. It didn’t take a genius to piece all of that together, he had known, Sasuke’s inability to lay down on his back and the breakdown at the beach told him as much. He hoped his dad had taken him to a good therapist--a competent one, who could really help him. 

“Aren’t you going to hold me?”

Naruto had never heard him so demanding. It wasn’t crankiness. It was petulant, almost like the rare moments that he tended to act like a kid around Kakashi. A little quieter. Scared, maybe. He couldn’t tell, or maybe, he didn’t want to know. But he turned on his side and pulled them closer, playing with Sasuke’s hair until the first hour passed, and then the second hour, and the third. 

He fell asleep sometime around two. 


	29. Chapter 29

Sasuke reached back to poke Naruto’s side, having laid there for about an hour, staring at the bathroom door. Naruto stirred, probably trying to get away from the poking. 

“I’m going to run with Urushi.”

Naruto mumbled something against his back. 

Sasuke waited for a moment, but Naruto’s arm was still around his waist. He. He had to ask him one of these days if his arms were ever asleep, with that annoying, numbing tingling from a lack of moment. For someone who. Who was always moving around, it was a little unbelievable that Naruto wouldn’t move the entire night. 

“I kind of need you to let me go.”

Naruto kissed his shoulder, “only because Urushi is such an adorable doggie.” He released him, and Sasuke handed over a pillow, not surprised when Naruto grabbed it instead. “Do you want company?”

Sasuke shook his head, but Naruto’s eyes were closed. “No. You just keep sleeping,” he said, crawling out of the bed, and grabbing his clothes. He changed in the bathroom, rubbing his eyes as he left it. He tossed the pajamas in Naruto’s laundry basket, figuring he’ll be back to do his laundry anyway. He picked up the Sudoku book from the floor and slipped out the balcony, after doing a last check that Naruto had fallen back asleep. 

Dr. Uzuki had perscribed him medication after a. A rather. Vulnerable talk that felt like a year, but apparently. Had only been an hour. But she said that with it, he might experience insomnia, which was. Unfortunate. The sleeping aid that Mr. Uzumaki gave him had been working, apparently, fine the last two nights because. He hadn’t woken up and he couldn’t remember any nightmares. But he’d rather not take more things. Which really meant that he had to tire himself out. 

Enough to pass out. In bed. Obviously.

He walked past the house in between Naruto and his house. He hadn’t seen the elderly couple who lived there lately, but. But he also had not seen an ambulance around either. So, they were probably still there. 

He opened the door, slipping inside, closing it again as quietly as he could. Urushi didn’t come running up to him, so he was probably in Kakashi’s bedroom, or his own bedroom, he supposed. Asleep. Just like, apparently, everyone else. He headed to the kitchen, climbing onto the counter, and reaching to the toppest shelf, behind the bags of chips and sweets that were mostly there for. For some reason. Neither Kakashi nor he ate them. He was pretty sure the bag of chocolates was from three years ago. Halloween. 

But it was a good hiding spot for anything that he didn’t want Kakashi to find. It’s not like. Like he didn’t want Kakashi to know he was taking prescribed. Drugs. It was just that. That. He wasn’t sure. He just didn’t want Kakashi to know he’d gone to a therapist. Psychiatrist. He--

“What are you doing on top of the counter?”

Sasuke almost fell down. If Naruto thought that he was quiet, he would think that Kakashi was just a shadow haunting the house. He slipped the bottle into his pocket, “just looking for chocolate.”

“Right.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, getting off the counter. “Sorry. I’ll get a chair next time.”

Kakashi was standing by the fridge, wearing shorts and a shirt with a face mask. For jogging in the cold. Urushi was still wearing the leash. “Did Minato give them to you?”

Sasuke glanced away from their dog and his wagging tail. “The chocolates?”

Kakashi didn’t say anything for what felt like years. “The pills, Sasuke.”

Sasuke, he. He nodded. And Kakashi did too. But the mask made it harder than normal to get a good read on his thoughts. Kakashi could have been happy or disappointed and. And it was a toss up. Sasuke didn’t know. Couldn’t know. And then Kakashi was out of the door, with Urushi, presumably not having come back from a run, but just leaving. Sasuke left the bottle on the counter because it cost almost three hundred dollars and he didn’t need to lose it running. After Kakashi. With Kakashi. It didn’t matter. With Urushi.

He just needed to tire himself out. 

He rushed out the door, not caring that he hadn’t exactly warmed up, easily spotting Kakashi, already at the end of the street. He sped up, almost catching up to them around the corner, but they remained steadily out of range. He hadn’t run in a while. In a long while. Maybe since before that. The hand. Before. He couldn’t remember. A soccer practice? It didn’t matter. His legs were stupidly not used to hitting the pavement and his lungs. Felt like they were on. Fire. 

“Dad!” 

Kakashi halted, making it a lot easier to jog over to them. 

“What are you doing?”

Sasuke couldn’t believe he’d gotten so out of shape so fast. It shouldn’t be possible. But. But here he was, gasping for air. He supposed that it made sense, in an annoyingly sick way. He hadn’t exactly been the epitome of good health lately. “I was...going to run with Urushi today.”

“You’re wearing jeans,” Kakashi pointed out.

“Just because you didn’t give me a chance to change. You left before--before I could.” He took Urushi’s leash. “You didn’t even say ‘bye’. You didn’t even say anything about the pills! Why won’t you talk to me?”

“We don’t tend to say ‘bye’ to each other, Sasuke,” Kakashi pointed out. Which. Fine. But. But that didn’t make it okay. Especially not lately. “And I thought you didn’t want me to say anything about the pills. If you hid them in the death shelf, then I can only imagine that you don’t want me to talk about them, and frankly, if Minato gave them to you, I can only assume that they are prescribed drugs and not illegal drugs, so that’s okay.” He shrugged, and started walking again, “I just assumed you didn’t want me to talk to you. I was trying to give you space.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you to talk to me?” He looked away, at the empty street.

“I’ve had the impression you’ve been avoiding me since I...came home drunk.” Kakashi sounded pissed. 

So. Sasuke just nodded and started walking. Not getting too far with the hand on his shoulder. 

“Do you want to talk about something?”

Sasuke had spent a lot of time talking about. Stuff lately. His thoughts. Feelings. It was kind of okay, but it was also. A little gross. He’d never been brought up to talk about those things. He couldn’t remember much about when he was younger, but his thoughts. He remembered just been worried about getting his father to like him as much as he liked Itachi, and to get Itachi to pay attention to him. Of course they were both busy. Didn’t have much time to listen to a five-year-old’s stupid ramblings.

And. And then. 

His thoughts and feelings were a liability and even. He cried a lot. But even then, he’d understood they were a liability and. And inconvenient. Better set aside for. For later inspection. For never. He remembered getting the hint by the third time that Kakashi was asked to leave work early to deal with him at school. 

“Sasuke?”

But not talking about feelings and thoughts had brought both of them here, and Sasuke did care about Kakashi, and if there was something bothering him enough to get drunk, then. Then. Then, he could. Be a grown-up and at least ask him about it. 

He kept his eyes on Urushi. “I know there are a lot of reasons for you to hate me, and I  _ get _ it, but I don’t know how to make it up to you anymore.”

“I don’t hate--” 

“You got  _ drunk _ . You wanted to  _ unground _ me. You have, mostly,” he sighed. He was under no impression that being grounded allowed anyone to sleepover at their boyfriend’s house. Twice. Which. Which he appreciated, because. He was almost sure that Naruto was half of the reason he had been able to sleep, but. But. That really only meant that Kakashi had given up on him. 

“Sasuke, we’ve talked about this,” Kakashi said, turning him around. Sasuke kept his eyes on the ground. “I got drunk because I chose to do so and I wasn’t trying to unground you. I’m trying to cut you some slack--” 

“You’ve never cut me slack,” he mumbled. Not true. Kakashi used to cut him a lot of slack, he supposed. But. But not since they moved. He knew how it sounded. Stupid. But he’d put Kakashi through a couple of shitty things lately, including an arrest and a stay in jail, and. And had he apologized for that? He couldn’t remember. He just wanted Kakashi to pretend to care about him, again. Maybe even stop pretending somewhere in there.

Kakashi sighed. “You had never lost your father, or gotten kidnapped, or ran away, or sat across a brother you thought was dead.” He pushed Sasuke down on a park bench. “I know--” 

Sasuke looked up. “You don’t even care that I have prescription drugs.”

It was stupid. He hadn’t wanted Kakashi to know--he owed Mr. Uzumaki about seven hundred dollars just so that Kakashi wouldn’t know. But Kakashi saw him with them and he still hadn’t said anything. He didn’t say anything. Kakashi had just nodded. 

“Fine,” Kakashi said, sitting down next to him. “How did you get them?”

Sasuke looked away. Suddenly not wanting to talk. Somewhat angry at himself that he was the reason for this. “Nevermind,” he said, standing up. Only to be pulled back down. 

“No, no, no. You wanted to talk. I can’t have you think that I didn’t say anything because I don’t like you--” 

“I don’t think that.”

“Clearly, you do,” Kakashi replied. “So, we can either have this conversation right now, out here, or we can have this conversation back home, in private. Pick.”

“Home,” he mumbled.

“Okay. In that case, do you want to finish the run with Urushi?” Sasuke nodded, and Kakashi stood up, “I’ll see you at home, then. Here, take my phone. I’ll start worrying if you’re gone for longer than an hour.”

Sasuke took the phone, stood up, and started jogging, wishing he had change out of jeans. About an hour later, he was sweaty and tired, dragging himself back home. Spotting two figures standing by the door, the  _ opened _ door. Urushi barked. They both turned around, and Sasuke spotted Kakashi hovering by the door, clearly blocking them from entering. 

Kakashi’s hand was gripping the door, but the men, one with orange hair and too many piercings and another one with slicked silver hair, were not holding any weapons, and were wearing the same red sweater that Itachi wore that first day at the station. 

“You’re Sasuke, right? You do look like that fucking weasel.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but kept quiet, his eyes fixed on Kakashi. Who motioned for him to get inside. The men, nicely enough, parted the way, and Sasuke was inside the house in seconds. 

“Take Urushi upstairs,” Kakashi said, the words slipping pass clenched teeth. “And stay upstairs.”

“Come now, Kakashi,” one of the man said, but Sasuke was facing away from them, and he couldn’t see who it was. The voice was smooth, though, and deep. Unsettling calm. “We came to talk to him.”

“I’m more than happy to relay the message.”

“Ah, but you’re not a messanger--” 

“Sasuke. Upstairs.”

Somehow, he managed to run upstairs, leaving Urushi in Kakashi’s bedroom and going into his own. Jugo was making the bed, and Suigetsu was nowhere in sight. 

“Hey,” Jugo said. “Suigetsu’s in the bathroom.”

Sasuke nodded, going to sit on the floor, leaning his back against the bed, “how you guys sleep?”

“Fine,” Jugo replied, a little too fast. “Yourself?”

“Fine, too,” Sasuke’s eyes went to the bathroom. “Is Getsu okay?”

Jugo nodded, but sat down next to him. “His mom called last night. Apparently, his brother went back home. I don’t think it was a very nice reunion, though.”

Sasuke winced at those words. Sasuke hadn’t known Suigetsu’s brother very well, being a lot of years his junior, but he remembered sometime in eigth grade, Suigetsu got suspended for knocking the teeth out of three different people. When Sasuke saw him again, he told him his parents had kicked his brother out. They both pretended that Suigetsu hadn’t cried. “What happened?” 

“No idea, except Suigetsu’s not doing too good. I tried to talk to him, but he didn’t want to. I think he’s just angry.”

Sasuke nodded. Understandable. He knew how much he liked his brother, but he also knew that he secretly liked his parents too, and had never quite gotten pass his brother abandoning them. Who knew their lives were really that similar. He stood up and knocking on the bathroom door. “Getsu?”

“I’m peeing!”

Sasuke sighed, knocking again, turning to find Jugo hovering by the door. “Don’t. There are weird people downstairs.”

“Weird people?”

Sasuke shrugged, “I--I think they’re Itachi’s friends.”

The door opened. “Your brother’s friends are downstairs?”

Sasuke wasn’t fast enough to avoid the pinch in his cheek. “Please tell me you washed your hands.”

“I lied, I wasn’t actually peeing.” Suigetsu slapped his ass. Sasuke didn’t mind letting him overcompensate for something. “Why are you brother’s friends downstairs?”

“I don’t know. Dad sent me upstairs.”

Suigetsu and Jugo stared at each other before they were rushing to get out of the bedroom. Which. Would have been funny, the way both of them tried to get out of the same time and got stuck. Would have been. If it wasn’t so stupid. Sasuke couldn’t have them going downstairs because he was supposed to be upstairs and Kakashi hadn’t technically said anything about Jugo or Suigetsu, but clearly, it was  _ implied _ . They ran out of the bedroom, and Sasuke ran after them, managing to hold them back by their collars, hovering on the stairs. 

“You guys, get back upstairs.”

“Why? Worrying about your brother is an excellent way to forget about my own.”

“Aren’t you curious, Sasuke?”

He groaned, softly. He was curious and Suigetsu did need a distraction. It was just that Kakashi told him to stay upstairs, and the conversation in the park could have gone better, and Sasuke didn’t want him to think that he was disobeying him. On purpose. 

“Fine. Just stay here, though,” Sasuke said. He hesitated, but let them go, and they were nice enough to stay put. He didn’t know what they were trying to spy on, because they weren’t hearing anything. There was nothing to hear. It was almost like the entire house was empty. “Why is it so quiet?”

“It doesn’t look like they’re talking,” Suigetsu whispered back. He had the best view of downstairs, his head in between the bars. 

If he could get in between them, he could get out. Right? Sasuke pulled him out. Yeah, he could get unstuck. “What did it looked like?”

“Just staring at each other. A little angry, possibly.”

“Sasuke. Upstairs.” That was Kakashi’s teacher voice. Sounding. Angry. “Jugo. Suigetsu.”

They were back in Sasuke’s bedroom in a few seconds. He sat down on the floor, dragging Suigetsu down with him. Jugo sat down in front of them. 

Suigetsu sighed, “not gonna lie, that was not nearly distracting enough.”

Jugo stared at them. “I’ll go get breakfast. You guys,” he waved them. “Talk. I need keys.”

Sasuke was a little surprised that Suigetsu had them in his pocket. And tossed them at Jugo, who caught them without a blinking. Would have been so good at sports. If he was just a little more competitive. 

“Bring me hot chocolate!” Suigetsu called over, although Jugo was gone. 

Sasuke turned to get a better look at him. “Are you okay?”

Suigetsu chuckled, “I am. I’m all the way over here. I just can’t believe he showed up, that’s all. I’m not feeling as bad as Jugo made it seem to be.”

“Are you sure?”

Suigetsu nodded, jabbing him on the side. “I’m fine. Now, can we focus on the more pressing issue? Why do you think those two men are here?”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. He was sure that Suigetsu wasn’t fine, but he could appreciate not wanting to talk about one’s brother. At least Itachi hadn’t stolen half of the family’s money, he supposed. “I don’t know. They said that they wanted to talk to me, but dad didn’t want me to talk with them--”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Getsu,” he said. “I don’t want to talk with them, either.” He stood up, going over to his desk and taking one of the word search books and a pen, heading back to his spot next to Suigetsu. “I was just hoping to go the rest of my life not knowing anything about Itachi again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

Sasuke sighed. Opening the book, and going to the last page he’d been doing. Awhile back. “I guess not,” he said, because he knew that Suigetsu’s brother had disappeared off the face of the earth, just like Itachi, really, and. And now. They were both there. “I just. I feel like he’s torturing me, I don’t get it. I mean, I get the stuff at the station, I wouldn’t be talking if I had been in his position either, but. And I guess the stuff in the motel, he wanted to. But. I didn’t let him. Naruto keeps saying he wants to keep me safe, but--” 

There was a knock on his door. And then it opened, revealing Kakashi. He leaned against the door. “They want to...talk with you.”

“They said so,” Sasuke said, glancing at Suigetsu, but he was staring at Kakashi, a small frown on his face. “But I was under the impression that you didn’t want me to talk with them.”

“They made a compelling argument,” Kakashi replied, his jaw clenched. “Come on.” Sasuke stood up, followed by Suigetsu. “Alone. You can tell him afterwards.”

Suigetsu sat back down, “only because I’m tired.”

Sasuke glanced back at him, before following Kakashi out the bedroom. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” 

Once downstairs, Sasuke got a better look at the men. The red sweater. The piercings. The. The expresionless face, just. Like Itachi. 

“ _ Alone _ , Kakashi.”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. Kakashi’s jaw was set and his hands were inside his pockets, but it didn’t take a genius to know they were clenched. His eyes were hard. It made Sasuke die a little inside.

“If you don’t mind.”

It was clear that Kakashi did mind, but. But he turned around and left. Sasuke watched his retreating back, and turned his attention back to the two men. The situation reminded him of all the times his father’s employees would show up to ask pertinent questions that were necessary, but unwarrented. They, too, made Kakashi leave every single time. But. But Itachi wasn’t hiring Kakashi, he didn’t think. It just didn’t make sense that they would be able to make Kakashi  _ leave _ . Unless. Unless Kakashi just didn’t want to be there. 

Which. Understandable.

“Would you two like to sit down?” Sasuke asked, figuring that. That the last time he hadn’t been polite to people in the living room, he’d. He’d make Kakashi beat him. Convuluted, but true. 

“You’re so polite,” one of the men said. The one with orange hair and piercings. 

Sasuke bit back a sigh. “Thank you, sir.”

But they remained standing. 

And Sasuke just didn’t have enough energy to care at the moment. “Are--are...do you guys have something to say?”

The one with the silver hair sat down. “We sure fucking do. Your brother just thought that you should know that he’s taking over tomorrow. Press conference and everything, didn’t want you to be cut fucking unaware.”

Sasuke stared. He. It was a little...he’d wanted this. And yet. It was. He shook his head. “Fine, thanks. I guess. He could have just...texted.”

“Do you have your phone, Sasuke?”

He shook his head. Technically, still grounded. “And you two just wanted to tell me, out of the kindness of your hearts?”

“Well, no,” the orange hair man said. The one who didn’t swear. “We just didn’t think that you would handle it very well if you suddenly saw your brother in a press conference on television, on your birthday. It would not end very well, for you, would it, Sasuke? We just would have preferred that you were prepared. You understand, don’t you?”

Sasuke stared. He--he supposed they were right. He would have probably passed out if he suddenly caught sight of his brother in a business suit, with the Uchiha logo behind him, talking to a room of reporters. “What is he going to say?”

“I’d imagine much of what you would have said,” the orange-haired man said. The other one, Sasuke realized, probably didn’t want to be there, judging by the way he was...snoring. “You know, Mr. Uchiha getting you out before Orochimaru could get to you. Leaving life with another identity, hiding away from danger. A sweet, compelling story.”

“And you guys think everyone’s going to leave it at that?” Sasuke wasn’t a reporter, but even he could see some. Plotholes in that story. Even if it was his own life. 

“It’s not your fucking concern is it?” Not asleep. Apparently. 

“It kind of is,” Sasuke said. “I mean, you’re the ones who showed up. At least answer some questions!”

The man’s eyes were still closed, but he hummed, “and the fucking politeness leaves. A lot faster than Itachi’s.”

Sasuke took a deep breath. “I’m just saying, Itachi is going to need proof of all of that.”

“We have proof.”

“We sure fucking do.”

Sasuke couldn’t tell why, but the laugh grated on his nerves. It didn’t matter. “Fine. If that’s all,” he took a deep breath. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Neither of them made a move towards the door. But the orange-haired man did took out keys from his backpocket. “You want your birthday present now, or do you want us to mail it to you tomorrow?”

“My what?”

The keys jingled. “Your birthday present. Don’t worry, not from Itachi, unless you want it to be from him, I supposed.”

“There wasn’t a car outside. And I don’t have a license.” There was a car inside, a sedan, like Mr. Uzumaki’s, but obviously, they needed a car to leave. They needed to leave. 

“We fucking know, idiot.” The man stood up, “but you’re almost seventeen, aren’t you? It’s time for you to get a license,” the man patted his shoulder. “Get a job. Get a fucking life.”

The other man somehow got him to take two steps back, which made Sasuke like him better than the man who apparently had no concept of personal space. The orange hair jingled the keys again. “We got another ride. The sedan is actually for you.”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. If he sold it, he could. Pay back Mr. Uzumaki. And who knew, maybe Itachi just wanted to wish him a happy birthday. Possibly. Potentially. “I can’t accept this, but--” 

“You should.” The orange hair said. “It’ll be good for you, Sasuke. We already talked to Kakashi about it, and he was into the idea too. He’s happy that you’re going to get some freedom, the one you’ve been needing.”

Sasuke took the keys. They were cold in his hands, and his chest felt a little tighter. But...saying no to a car was mean. And. And it was okay. He did need a car, even if he really did not have a license. Was re-gifting that terrible? Because he still had not gotten Kakashi anything, because he was just that kind of person, but Kakashi could use a new car. 

“Thanks,” he said, looking down at his hand. “I think.”

“It’s not from us, Sasuke.”

“Right,” he said. It was from his brother. His doctor brother. It was stupid, for Itachi to think he could buy him with a car. It was even more stupid that Sasuke was not talking to him yet, because even without the car, he should. He should talk to him. Especially now. There was. There was a lot to be said about the fact that Itachi was apparently gearing up to become Itachi Uchiha, now, again. 

“You want to talk to him?”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder again. “I don’t--” 

“Your dad said you could, if you wanted.”

He couldn’t imagine that his brother would care, really, Itachi had certainly proven that he...he didn’t care much about anything. Except maybe, keeping him safe. But. But Itachi would. Any normal person would be...a little nervous, right? Taking over a company, going back to being the person they were meant to be a decade ago--

“Sasuke?”

And Kakashi even said he could. Sasuke thought they were going to have a talk, but. But it would be a lot easier for Kakashi to hand him over to his brother, let them have a. A talk. Rather than them. He nodded, “yeah. Yeah.” He frowned. “I--I think I would like that.” 

“Of course you would.”

Sasuke headed to the door, hovering over the stairs, but. “I’m grounded.”

“We fucking told you, kid. He doesn’t mind. He said it was fine.”

“As long as you want to,” orange hair said. “Do you?”

Sasuke followed them to the sedan, though the man who swore a lot went on the backseat. It was nice of him. Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure he could ever get into a strange car and stay in the backseat, where the doors could remain lock forever. He glanced back, but climbed on, listen to orange hair talking about the car. Sasuke nodded. Sometimes. Most times. It took him awhile to realize that they were not driving to the motel, but. But it made sense, according to them, because Itachi Uchiha couldn’t be in a motel.

Of course it made sense.

The ranch, secluded by acres, was a more appropiate place for Itachi Uchiha to be, he supposed. Surrounded by trees, and...and goats. Sasuke had never seen a goat up close and he always thought his brother was more of a horse person, but here they were. With goats. And sheeps. He got out of the car, closing the door behind him, and following the other men inside the house. The inside of the house was bared and...clean. It was. 

“Go sit on the couch. Down the hallway.”

Sasuke nodded, walking down the hallway, spotting a green couch. An ugly color. It reminded him of the kind of couch that Naruto would...want. In a future apartment. At least it wasn’t orange. He supposed that he could. Live with green. A green couch. He took a seat, pulling the sleeves over his hands, the clash of ugly colors not lost on him. But not caring too much, either. 

The footsteps were. Funny. Quiet, but present. He looked up. Itachi was standing a few feet in front of him, holding a cup of tea, the blond hair gone, most of the hair gone, actually, except the. The black hair. It was stupid, the way that the black hair was so much like everything that was Uchiha. 

“Thanks for the car,” Sasuke said. “But I can’t drive it.”

Itachi sat next to him. “You’re welcome. I know you can’t, not yet, at least.”

It was. Hearing Itachi’s voice sounding just more tired and lighter, all at the same time. Was. Made him feel just like he felt the first day he saw him at the station. Like he was his big brother and. And Sasuke just really wanted him to get him to like him. He cleared his throat, “how are...you? They--they told me that you had a press conference tomorrow.”

“I do. It should be fine.”

Sasuke bit down on his lower lip, looking down at the sleeves. Naruto was an idiot. A lot of the times, most times, if they were being honest, but he didn’t tend to be wrong about important things. Like insisting that Itachi only wanted him to be safe. “The story...is it all worked out?”

Itachi picked up the cup, bringing it up to his lips. “There’s more reality than fiction in it, I promise.” He set the cup down. “I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t have to see it on television first, or the internet, whatever you youngsters do these days.”

Sasuke bit down on his lip harder, but. More to stop from laughing. ” Us ‘youngsters’? You’re only six years older than me.”

“Don’t remind me, I can’t believe I have to be a twenty-two-year old again.”

Sasuke felt a smile on his face. He looked away, towards the empty wall. It. He couldn’t do this to himself. But. But. Itachi was making it so easy. It was hard not to let himself relax. “You’re going to be thirty soon enough,” Sasuke replied. “And I’m sure once you’re really thirty, you’re going to regret that.”

There was a faint  _ clink _ , as delicately as Itachi must have set the cup down on the plate. “Why? I have mom’s genes, I won’t age.”

Sasuke knew that Dr. Uzuki told him that the effects of the medication wouldn’t take full effect until a couple of weeks, but. But he didn’t think that without taking it today, he would have been able to stay put while he listened to his  _ brother _ talking about their  _ mom _ . “It really makes people wonder how anyone could believe you were thirty in the first place.”

“Intellectual growth and accolades are more important than the physical apperance of someone, Sasuke.”

And Itachi had plenty of that. He always had. And. And Itachi had always been treated more like a grown up than a child, let alone a teenager. Obviously. Obviously, Sasuke hadn’t been handling things very well, but. He thought that most people would not be able to handle things very well. Except. Itachi. He--he would have. He clearly had. Somehow. He didn’t know because Sasuke didn’t know anything, but his brother always had everything together. 

He turned to look at him, to the cup of tea, actually. It was a simple white cup, with a red pattern along the rim. “I know you’re not nervous, but--but if you were a normal person, would you be?”

The cup was set down again. “A normal person?” Itachi pondered, sighing deeply. “I am nervous, Sasuke. I was not expecting for it to happen so quickly, but it’s necessary.”

“You could just let the company go.”

Itachi set the plate and cup on the ground. “Would you do that? If I never showed up and father died, and you had to take over the company? Would you let it go?”

Eventually, Sasuke managed to shake his head. He wouldn’t have. He should have. Logically. But. But he wouldn’t have been able to. “I guess if I would have done that, I wouldn’t have tried to find you.”

“That was stupid of you.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, “I know. I know.” He knew. He was. Was still making it up. Not just to people, but. His stomach was still queasy, and if the morning jog proved anything, it was that he’d gotten himself out of shape. Not sleeping and not excercising and not eating would do that to a person, he supposed. “I know.” The sigh escaped. “Why didn’t you show up before?”

Itachi shrugged. “I was tying up some loose ends in the east coast. Orochimaru was--” 

“He was the one who told me you were alive,” Sasuke cut him off. “He. He.” He cleared his throat. “Mr. Uzumaki killed him.”

“I know,” Itachi replied, sounding annoyed. It threw Sasuke off, mostly because Itachi didn’t make it a habit to sound like anything other than...calm or emotionless. “It made our lives a lot more difficult,” he said. 

Sasuke looked up, spotting a ghost frown on his brother’s face, before it disappeared. “What do you mean?”

Itachi glanced at him, “you understand that I didn’t say anything at the station so that Minato wouldn’t be able to find out, right?”

Sasuke. Nodded. “I know.”

“And you understand that up till now you seem to be very fond of the man, right?”

Sasuke nodded, again. He was fond of Mr. Uzumaki. And Mrs. Uzumaki. Naruto’s parents were nice to him and. And. Sasuke appreciated that. 

“So you can understand that if you do want me to tell you what you want to know, you can’t mutter anything to Mr. Uzumaki, right, Sasuke? Or else, I really will be forced to deal with that, and no one wants that.”

“Are you trying to tell me you would kill Mr. Uzumaki?” Sasuke asked, keeping his eyes on his brother, searching for any reaction. But there was nothing.

“I wouldn’t kill him,” Itachi replied. “But you understand, don’t you? When we were at the motel, I hadn’t realized how...much you liked him. I wouldn’t have offered up the answers if I had known.”

Mr. Uzumaki had sacrificed so much for him that...Sasuke could live without answers. Except. “Can’t you at least tell me who he was? I mean. I--I know he killed mom. And--and he.” Sasuke looked down. He hadn’t been able to talk to Dr. Uzuki about. About that. It made sense because. Because nothing happened. But. “He said no one had been able to find you in years, and he tried to make a deal with father. You said that father was going to agree before Danzo Shimura got him killed, and--and I don’t care about that.” He cared a little about that. “But. He. Why did he come after us in the first place?”

“Orochimaru was a...drug lord,” Itachi replied. Sasuke was a little surprised he answered, but he figured that Mr. Uzumaki would know this already. “He wanted a front for--” 

“I know. He--he told me.” While he just laid there and listened. “But there are a lot of other companies for fronts and--” 

“And would you have preferred it happened to other families?”

“No, but--” 

“It’s not very nice to wish this on someone else, Sasuke.”

“I’m not! I’m not wishing it on anyone. I just--just want to know how he picked our family. Did father piss him off? It couldn’t have just been because a madman picked the company’s name out of a hat.” It couldn’t have been. It would make more sense if it had been some convuluted revenge ploy. He would take that over losing his entire family for...bad luck. 

Itachi shrugged. “It’s a powerful international company with sustainable costumers and a history of success. I don’t know what to tell you, Sasuke. As far as I know--” 

“And Danzo?”

“Danzo was an important...idealistic agent who believed in...the inherent importance of integrity, regardless of the possible outcomes, with years of experience.”

“You lived with him, right?”

“I did.”

Sasuke took a deep breath. “Did you know when you were living with him?”

“I imagined that my experience with Danzo is rather similar to your experience with Kakashi. How much do you know about him?”

Not much. But. But--but enough to know that. That Kakashi didn’t--he wouldn’t have told their father to let everyone die. “Enough.”

“I knew enough too.”

“Why did you leave then?”

“I found out you were alive,” Itachi replied. “I wanted to find you, so I left--” 

“But you didn’t!”

“I got derailed.” 

“By stuff that if you tell me, Mr. Uzumaki is going to get hurt?”

Itachi nodded. “I’m glad we understand each other. But for what it’s worth, Sasuke, I have always tried to keep you safe, and I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe from Orochimaru. It was--” 

“A miscalculation,” Sasuke finished for him. “You’ve said.” He sighed, leaning against the couch, mostly because his back, as erect as it was, it was starting to hurt. “It’s fine. He’s dead.” Sasuke would have preferred it if he wasn’t so that. He didn’t know anymore. But. But Mr. Uzumaki really didn’t have to kill him. He stood up. “I think I should go back home. Thanks for the car, but I really don’t have a license.”

“John will drive you back. He’s outside. You’ll get the car once you have a license.”

Sasuke nodded. “Good luck, tomorrow, and. And--and merry Christmas.”

“You too, Sasuke.”

He headed down the hallway. 

\------

The ride was quiet. Except for the ocasional curses at every intersection and every red light. In the freeway. When an old lady was crossing the street. It was only a quiet ride in the sense that John never looked at him, except to ocasionally comment on what a  _ fucking nice kid he was _ and  _ how he might like him a lot fucking better than his brother _ . It was a funny thing. Because. Because Sasuke couldn’t think of a single person in his life that ever told him they liked him better than Itachi. Which, understandable--Sasuke liked his brother better too, he supposed. 

He thought he had been angry with him and then he had been feeling guilty about that, but. But he couldn’t deny that. That he had...it hadn’t been the worse thing in the world to talk to Itachi, even. Even if he hadn’t thought he’d actually gone. Thinking back, he--he couldn’t remember why he had gone. But he had. And it hadn’t been. Bad. 

He climbed out of the car, thanking John for the ride, getting a  _ fucking Itachi _ in response, but. But Sasuke just closed the door and walked up the driveway. He found the door opened, which. Nice. Because he didn’t think he had his house keys. Kakashi was in the kitchen.

Holding an ice pack to his torso. “Are you okay?”

Kakashi looked at him, his jaw set. The ice pack was left on the counter, right. Right next to his medication. “Where were you?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “I--I went to see my brother.”

“Weren’t you the one who had just been talking about how we don’t say ‘bye’ to each other? And you just...didn’t want to practice what you preached?”

“I--I thought you said it was okay. The...man with the orange hair said so.”

“Oh,” Kakashi turned around. Sasuke couldn’t understand how he could tell that his back muscles were tensed, but he could tell, and a dreadful feeling settled on his stomach. “Of course. How could I forget.”

“You...” he took a deep breath. He couldn’t believe he had just been. Been happy that he’d seen Itachi. “You did say that, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did.” Kakashi turned around, walking pass him. 

Kakashi could have stepped on the stairs more forcefully, but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway because either way, Sasuke felt like throwing up. He hurried after him, halting at the closed door. He knocked once. Usually, being on the other side of the door, usually throwing a tantrum on the other side. He didn’t think that Kakashi was throwing a tantrum, but. But. He knocked again.

“It’s open, Sasuke.”

It was, he found, when he turned the knob and there was no resistance, when he pushed the door and there was no resistance. Kakashi was sitting on the bed, petting Urushi behind the ears. Sasuke didn’t miss the wagging tail, although the dog didn’t move, only to turn on its back. Sasuke looked away, turned his attention to Kakashi. 

“I--I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking--” 

“It’s fine, Sasuke.” Kakashi replied, even though his jaw was still clenched in the surest show that it wasn’t fine. But he motioned at the bed. “Do you still want to talk about the meds?”

Sasuke took a seat at the edge of the bed. And shook his head. “I’m sorry if--” 

“Sasuke, it’s fine.”

“You’re angry!”

Kakashi was looking down at Urushi, scratching his stomach. “I’m not angry, Sasuke. But I would have appreciated you letting me know where you were. It’s fine, though. You’re not in trouble. I’m glad you talked to your brother.”

Sasuke nodded, pulling his feet onto the bed. “Where are--” 

“Naruto stopped by, asked them if they wanted to go with him to the mall. I sent them to the grocery store too. I think they might be gone for a couple of more hours.”

Sasuke nodded. “Getsu’s brother was--” 

“I know. His dad called me. He might stay with us a bit longer, but I don’t think you mind.”

Sasuke shook his head, doing his best to stop from smiling. Obviously, he would prefer it if Suigetsu didn’t have to hide out here, but he couldn’t deny that he would prefer him to stay there for a bit longer. Though he doubted Suigetsu stay there long. If anything he’d get a job or something. But that gave him enough time to convince him to go to the local college. “I don’t. Do you?”

Kakashi shrugged and shook his head. “Not particularly. He does his own laundry.”

“Was it...this easy when father convinced you to take me?”

“Easier,” Kakashi replied without missing a beat. “You were a cute six-year-old.”

He shoved his hands inside the sweater’s pockets. “Kakashi...I really need you to tell me the truth. You did say it was okay if I went with him, didn’t you?”

“I did,” he replied. Sasuke couldn’t tell if he was lying or not, but for his own sake, he--he needed to believe him. “I just...didn’t think you would go, that’s all. But it’s fine, Sasuke.”

“He--he has a press--” 

“I know. They told me.”

Sasuke pulled his knees up to his chest. Kakashi said he wasn’t angry, but it didn’t take a genius to know that he was...a little pissed off, at the very least. He shut his eyes, figuring that if Kakashi was already angry, it would be okay to make him angrier. And--and if he wanted some semblance of honesty between them, he. He might be the one to start. “I owe Mr. Uzumaki almost seven hundred dollars.”

“ _ What _ ?”

Sasuke swallowed. Money had always been an issue. Kakashi was a teacher. And. And money, generally, was an issue for every teacher. “I--I--I,” he took a breath. “I went to talk to Dr. Uzuki and she prescribed me the meds and...and they cost money. I didn’t want you to know and I was going to work to pay Mr. Uzumaki back. I mean, I’m still going to. Or I was going to, if it’s still okay with you, and. I mean, I could also sell the car Itachi just gave me--” 

“Itachi gave you a car?”

Sasuke nodded. “But you can have it,” he said, quickly.

“I don’t want it, but thank you. And it’s fine. Don’t worry about the money.”

“I--” 

“Go to your room, Sasuke.”

“Dad, I--” 

“Your room, Sasuke. We’ll talk later.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, and got out of the bed, hovering by the door to see if Urushi would come, but he never did. He closed the door, and went to his bedroom. After a minute deciding that. That he could use a shower. 


	30. Chapter 30

Kakashi called him about an hour later. Sasuke’s hair was still wet from the shower. And Suigetsu and Jugo were still gone. He knocked once, chewing on his lower lip while he waited for Kakashi to open the door, this time finding that it was lock. He knocked again, hearing footsteps. Slipping inside once the door was unlocked. Once inside, Kakashi locked it again. 

Sasuke did his best to breathe and not think about that as Kakashi took him by the shoulders and walked him to the bed. Sasuke sat down after only a mild suggestive push down. Kakashi crouched down to, presumably, get a better look at him. It was hard to stare at the ground when Kakashi was covering that view. It reminded Sasuke of before, when--when he was a little kid with a rough day and Kakashi would sit him on the nearest thing and crouch down, and talk to him, that the image alone made him want to. Cry. Or scream. Both. 

“I’m not angry with you, Sasuke. I care about you and I’ve been worried about you, but I’m so proud that you went to talk to Dr. Uzuki. I hope she’s able to help you.”

Sasuke looked towards the window. The curtains were drawn. He tried not to think about that either. “I should have told you before I went, at least so they could bill the insurance.”

“It’s fine,” Kakashi said. “We’ll figure it out. I know I said that you could get a job if you did those Sudoku puzzles for me and you still can, but if you only wanted a job to pay Minato back, you don’t have to do that. I do have an emergency fund, you know.”

“Yeah! For hospital visits or vet emergencies!”

“Dr. Uzuki is kind of a hospital visit, don’t you think?”

Sasuke shook his head. “I guess, but...I’ve been wanting to get a job for awhile. You know that.” He needed to help him with the bills. When Kakashi nodded, he continued, “and--and I do think I should pay back Mr. Uzumaki, it was my mistake and--” 

“Going wasn’t a mistake--” 

“Not telling you was.”

Kakashi sighed. “No, it wasn’t. I didn’t tell you about me going for an entire month, remmeber? I get it. I am curious, though, why do you want to have this conversation?”

Sasuke felt heat rising up his neck, his eyes still fixed on the window. “I really miss you,” he mumbled, hoping that the heat had stopped before it got to his cheeks, but judging by the sudden overwhelming warmth around him, he wasn’t so lucky. “I know neither of us have really ever been touchy-feely, but I,” he cleared his throat, a familiar lump trying to gatekeep his words. “I know I’ve ruined about a third of your life, but I really want to make it up to you, I just don’t...know how...” he trailed off, doing his best to stop the incessant thumping against his chest. 

“You haven’t ruined my life, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, tapping his knee with an annoying beat until Sasuke looked at him, getting a cheeky smile for his reluctant effort. “I wasn’t joking when I said I didn’t want to lose a son. I didn’t get a chance to be much of a son myself, but I’m glad I get to be a dad, as mediocre as I am--” 

“You’re not.” Sasuke sighed. Some people might think that Kakashi sucked, but everything that could make him mediocre was a direct consequence to Sasuke forcing his hand. “You only think that because you still feel bad for hitting me,” he mumbled. “And it’s not fair because I told you to.”

Kakashi sat down on the ground, apparently tired from crouching. “We both know I could have handled all of that a lot better.” He wasn’t looking at him anymore. “And I am sorry for that, it should have never happened--” 

“I know--” 

“And I’m sorry for slapping you.”

Sasuke stopped at that, only for his mind to remember that a second later.“It’s okay,” he said. “I was stupid. And--and I don’t like the idea of having a potty mouth.” Especially not after sitting in a car with someone who swore so much; it sounded ugly. Besides, Kakashi didn’t swear that much either, and if habits were copied, then he had no business swearing. 

“Regardless of whether or not you think you were stupid,” Kakashi said. He didn’t even need to finish the thought for Sasuke to know he was wrong. “A physical reaction is never appropiate. And I realize you don’t believe me, but I’m dead serious.”

Sasuke...shrugged, unable to decide what else he could do, or say. Kakashi was wrong, but he didn’t want to start an argument about that; one would probably make Kakashi think that he really messed him up with a slap, or with that belting. When Sasuke knew that...that he’d take that over the silent treatment anyday. He supposed he was kind of lucky that Naruto was more open to a physical altercation than swallowing his words. “You haven’t hit me since,” he said, a little more sure of himself. Kakashi hadn’t hit him, although--objectively, there had been a lot of reasons for him to hit him, if Kakashi was really an asshole, he supposed. Running away, throwing him in jail, leaving, getting into strange cars--the list was endless. “And it’s okay. It doesn’t matter. That was months ago.”

“I am sorry.”

“I know, it’s okay. Really. Stop feeling bad, it’s giving me hives.”

Kakashi hummed. “Thought you were just lamenting us not being touchy-feely.”

“Not like that,” Sasuke said. “I’ve had plenty of touchy-feely stuff in my life lately.” He rubbed his eyes, not long ago lamenting how wet they were from stupid tears, but now, they seemed to be awfully dry. Not that he wanted to cry. He cried a lot in front of Mr. Uzumaki already. “I just meant...I don’t actually like feeling like I have to lie to you and I know that I’m the one who’s lying and who’s ruining our relationship, but I just--just...want to do better. I know I’m going to be eighteen soon, but I...” 

“I know, Sasuke. Me neither.”

He smiled softly. Thank god Kakashi didn’t need to have that spell out. It was just that he always assumed that being eighteen would be an expiration date on this whole arrangment, and sometimes, he had been happy for that, but--ever since he ran away, ever since he saw Kakashi in handcuffs, the idea of not being a Hatake was...not a good feeling anymore. “Dr. Uzuki is really nice. She’s single.”

“I’m not looking for a girlfriend,” Kakashi replied, his mind-reading abilities apparently not only working for sappy things. “But thanks for looking out for me.”

“Aren’t you lonely?”

Kakashi chuckled for a second, before he winced. And then got his face under control. “Are you kidding? Between one hundred kids coming and going every day and staff meetings, I barely have time to hear myself think.”

“Aren’t you going to be lonely later?”

Kakashi chuckled. And winced. And got his face under control. “I don’t think you’re quite understanding what one hundred kids coming and going really does to a person’s social energy, Sasuke.”

He decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though...Sasuke really couldn’t remember the last time that he saw Kakashi with someone. Maybe their first landlady, although retroactively, Sasuke was almost one hundred percent sure that it had only been to get permission for Urushi. 

“Maybe you should sub for me one day--” 

“I’m not old enough to sub!”

“Oh,” Kakashi snapped his fingers. “But you  _ are _ old enough to do a presentation. I can’t believe I haven’t had anyone present yet, you know with the new science standards, there should be a lot more public speaking opportunities. I  _ could _ assign each one of you a topic and have you teach it. Twenty students a class...that means I could not teach for twenty whole days...”

“You can’t do that!” Sasuke was...not that great at public speaking, admitedly, but. But he couldn’t have Kakashi do that even if he was great. Mostly because if people found out that he had been the one to put the idea in his head, they wouldn’t exactly be happy. Not that he generally cared, but one hundred schoolmates hating his guts would...not be that great for his self-esteem. He supposed. Mostly, though, he didn’t want to do a presentation--he’d gotten through them last semester because Naruto had transferred into all of his classes early enough that whatever presentation they had, Naruto. He. He was a good speaker. Really good, honestly. “You can’t have students do your job.”

“It’s a private school, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “As long as everyone’s wearing the uniform in my class and no one’s fighting, I can do whatever I want.” He smiled, clearly struggling to keep laughter in, “thought my little final project was evidence enough for that.”

Sasuke groaned. “I can’t believe you had water in there. And Vitamin C!”

This time Kakashi did laugh. Until. That wince. It was...it was uncharacteristic of him. “I know. It’s great. You kids were so cute.” He shook his head, “I still can’t believe Karin and Sakura figured it out so fast, but I guess I can’t mess with everyone,” he shrugged.

Sasuke knew that he absolutely would love to troll everyone and anyone. “Serves you right.” He sighed, “but you are kidding, right?”

“I don’t know,” Kakashi shrugged. “I really would love not to have to lesson plan for twenty days...or more, if I say that the first one is practice and the second one is for a grade. That seems more fair, doesn’t--” 

“ _ No _ .” Sasuke cleared his throat. “No, it isn’t. Stop it.”

“Fine, fine. Only because I can see it’s really stressing you out,” he said. “And because with Itachi taking the company, you don’t actually have to improve your public speaking skills.” 

Sasuke smiled. He knew he had to work on them, but. But Kakashi was right. Without the prospect of taking over the company, it didn’t really matter. “He said he was nervous,” he said. “And that he couldn’t believe he had to be twenty-two again.”

Kakashi stared at him. “Are you glad you went to talk to him?”

Sasuke considered that for a moment. He--he. He supposed that he was. It. It could have been worse. He knew where Itachi lived, and at least he had been straight with him. He nodded. “He cut his hair, I guess for the press conference. He...he said he couldn’t tell me a lot, but he said that--that. He wished me a merry Christmas,” he settled on. Mostly, because he didn’t think he could really tell Kakashi that Itachi said Mr. Uzumaki would get hurt if he ever found out anything. But. But wasn’t part of the problem with Kakashi the lack of honesty? Kakashi wouldn’t tell Mr. Uzumaki. There was nothing to tell. Sasuke didn’t know anything. “Do you...” there must be a frown on his face. “Do you--can you keep a secret?”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, not looking nearly as offended as he had a right to--because, obviously, he knew how to keep a secret. Sasuke was living proof of that. “Yeah, of course.”

“Itachi said that,” he pulled the sleeves over his hands, “he. That he couldn’t tell me a lot of things because if Mr. Uzumaki found out, he would have to hurt him. He said he hadn’t realized how much I liked Mr. Uzumaki,” he cleared his throat. “I know that Itachi couldn’t be the most innocent person around...the friends he keeps makes that abundantly clear, but...” he took a deep breath, “but you don’t think he’ll really...you don’t think I’m making a mistake, by not fighting him for the company, do you?”

“No, Sasuke,” Kakashi replied, without missing a beat. “Itachi is your older brother and the company is his responsability. Your brother...he lost his family too, just like you did. He...wouldn’t engage in that kind of criminal activity.”

“He told me that Mr. Uzumaki--” 

“Minato is a cop,” Kakashi said. “If he were to find out about...some potential unsavorily aspects of your brother, he’ll face a moral dilemma, even without someone trying to hurt him. What do you think Minato would do? Try to arrest someone and force you to take the company? Or turn a blind eye on everything, and lose sleep over not doing his job?” He stood up, only to sit down next to him. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Sasuke did. Mostly that Mr. Uzumaki didn’t have to know anything about anything. And not telling him wasn’t a diservice to him, it was a favor, to prevent a potential mental breakdown over letting Sasuke go the rest of his life without having to deal with his family’s legacy, or letting Itachi go free the rest of his life without facing consequences for things that may or may not have happened. 

“I understand,” he said. “I don’t want to hurt Mr. Uzumaki.”

“I know.”

“But I guess I’m glad that Itachi didn’t tell me anything because I don’t know if I could stop myself from telling him. I guess Itachi was right.” It really spoke to how predictable Sasuke was. “But--but you don’t...” he looked down at his sleeves. So orange. Naruto better had gone to the mall for that laundry detergent. It had been a moment of tired weakness, but he. He hadn’t been joking. “You don’t really think Itachi really would hurt someone like though, right? Like you said, he lost his family too, and...and he wouldn’t actually kill Mr. Uzumaki, right? Or hurt him? He was joking, right?”

Kakashi kept staring at him, but Sasuke couldn’t identify any of the emotions behind his eyes. Much like always. “I think the better question is whether or not you feel comfortable risking it, I guess--” 

“I don’t.” Sasuke couldn’t. He liked Mr. Uzumaki, and he liked Mrs. Uzumaki, and he obviously liked Naruto. And he. He didn’t mind the idea of Itachi as his...brother, he supposed--even if that made him a little more Uchiha than he would like. So he couldn’t deal with that. “I don’t think so.” He shook his head, “you’re right. I don’t have to think about it.” If he didn’t know, then he could pretend that Itachi wasn’t talking about murder. 

Kakashi squeezed his shoulder, “you don’t, especially not right now.”

It looked like he made to move away, but Sasuke pulled him down. The thing was that. That the only person he’d been able to be completely honest with over the past decade was Kakashi, largely due to logistics, and although sometimes, he hadn’t necessarily appreciated hearing that sometimes people just had to pull themselves together, those words had always been present in his mind--until recently--and. And he’d like to hear them again. He needed to hear them again because that was Kakashi’s way of saying that everything would be okay, and Sasuke desperatly needed things to be okay. 

He wasn’t entirely sure why he couldn’t move past this. Maybe it was because his father had chosen to let everyone die, including his wife, and had chosen to send away both of his sons, never to see them again, to keep the integraty of the company. If Itachi was--was even remotely capable of letting someone get murdered, to keep hold of that same company--

But it shouldn’t matter to him. It couldn’t matter to him, because Sasuke had his own problems to deal with and he was only beginning to deal with them. He closed his eyes, drawing in a small breath as Kakashi rubbed circles on his back. “I’m not going to kill myself. Just so you know.”

The silence that fell over the room was not uncomfortable, but somewhat stiffling. “I know,” Kakashi said. “But I’m glad you know that too. What brought that up?”

“Naruto sorta mentioned that I would. And--and I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t worried about that.”

Kakashi’s hand paused. “You know,” he started, his voice soft, “there’s a difference between not killing yourself because you want to live and not killing yourself because you don’t want to die. I’m proud of you either way, but I hope you can step into the former, if not right now, in the future.” The circles began again, smaller and slower than before.

Sasuke. He. It was neither the former or the latter. He didn’t want to kill himself because people he cared about had gone through that with someone they cared about already, and he didn’t want to add to their pain. And. And. Well, he couldn’t say goodbye to Urushi. But he nodded, because Kakashi didn’t need to feel bad about that. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Of course.”

“Dad? I really need to come clean about--about. Because I...” he wanted to be honest with Kakashi, not because he had never lied to him ever, but because honesty, about the important stuff, had been the bottom foundation of their relationship, and. And. The room spun. Until now, of course, because now, Sasuke had messed it up. Had it messed it, not quite sure when it started, maybe only recently, maybe when he lied about not liking Naruto, or. Or maybe earlier, when he told he couldn’t care less about moving to California. Or maybe it was a few moments ago when he didn’t tell him that he was halfway in between the not killing himself thing--though that hadn’t been from cowardice, that had just been for Kakashi’s sake. Something was pressing down on his chest and his. His. 

“Yeah?”

He pulled his knees up to his chest, hiding his face between them. Logically, like this, nothing would.  _ Could _ happen and. And. He didn’t know if doing so really helped breathe better, but both Naruto and Mr. Uzumaki had told him to do so, and Mr. Uzumaki was at least was a cop, to whom Sasuke lied to because he was a coward, just like he lied to Kakashi because--

“Sasuke?”

“You know when I said that nothing happened--I--I...nothing  _ serious _ happened, but I--I just stayed.” He didn’t know if it was helping his breathing pattern, but. But at least he could talk to the darkness, instead of having to face Kakashi. Who taught him how to. To defend himself and. And have him fail spectacularly. 

“Hey--” 

Nothing had happened because his mom had died and. And he hadn’t. And even if he. If something had happened. He deserved it because he had just. Lay there, letting it happen. He ran to the the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet, letting the hot acid tear his throat. 

Had he even eaten anything to puke?

The last thing he remembered eating was Jugo’s pasta last night. Much like the day after Halloween, Kakashi was there with a glass of water for him. Once his stomach had finished contracting and there was nothing else to give up. He wiped his mouth with the offered paper, tossing it into the toilet. Kakashi flushed it. 

“Dr. Uzuki, she...said that nausea could be a side effect.”

“I know,” Kakashi said, moving to sit on the bathtub, his knee brushing Sasuke’s shoulder. “It’s a common side effect,” he continued. 

Although Sasuke wasn’t paying too much attention to him anymore, his chest pressed down again. “I--” 

“If you want to talk, Sasuke, I’m here for you, always, but you’re not obligated to tell me anything you might not be ready to--” 

“He kept touching me.” His voice cracked, his mind only then catching up to his words. “Mostly my stomach,” he said because now Kakashi would think he was dirty. Which. Understandable. He was. But. But not that much. Just a little. Just enough. “Don’t--don’t tell Naruto, he’s going to hate me and just yesterday he--he had been so happy when--” 

“I promise, but Naruto isn’t going to hate you, Sasuke--” 

“Yeah, he is!” His throat made a sound that. That Sasuke couldn’t place. Between a strangled laugh and choked sob. He pushed his back deeper into the corner between the wall and the bathtub. “I won’t even let him get to--to second base. Of course he’s going to hate me when he finds out I let a stranger.” Naruto would eventually find out. Sasuke knew that. That if Naruto wanted to go further. Now, he would. But. But even with the willingness, he. He didn’t think his stupid mind would be able to. Clearly, he didn’t have control over himself anymore. And Naruto would put it together, sooner or later.

“You didn’t let any of that happen, Sasuke. You were drugged and tied--” 

He closed his eyes. “Can you leave? I want to be alone.”

“Sasuke--” 

“Please. I already said I won’t kill myself.” He never. Never thought that speaking could be physically painful, but it hurt now. “Go away.”

Kakashi gave his shoulder a light squeeze. Sasuke heard the door closing, and a quick peek confirmed that he was alone. He pulled the hood over his head, until it covered his eyes. He muffled most of the sobs with Naruto’s sleeves shoved into his mouth. When the doorbell rang, he crawled over to the door, locking it with a faint  _ click _ . 

Just in time to prevent the door from opening. The doorknob rattled. “Sasuke--” 

“Please just leave me alone.” He crawled over to lay in the bathtub, to be as far away from the rattling sound. “I won’t kill myself.” He’d just lay there. 

“They’re back and--” 

“Tell them I have the flu.” He didn’t think Suigetsu or Jugo would think...that badly of him. But. But he just didn’t have the energy to. To do anything about it. Not now.

A softer knock came sometime later. If Sasuke had his phone, he’d have a better sense of time. But. But. He didn’t. 

“Sasuke, it’s dinner time--” 

“Not hungry.”

“What have you eaten today?”

Sasuke knew that Kakashi knew the answer to that. So he saved his energy and. Didn’t answer. He wasn’t hungry. Even if he was, he knew the nausea would force the food out. He wished he could blame this on the medication, too, another side effect, but. But he was pretty sure that this was just. A consequence for. For that. 

He shut his eyes. 

Until there was another knock. “Sasuke, you can be out here by yourself, but you need to come out. It’s almost midnight.”

He wasn’t going to reply. But. But he couldn’t have Kakashi think he was dead. “No.”

“Now.”

He pulled the curtain close. Had he really spent so many hours in there? It felt like five minutes. Kakashi just didn’t get it. 

“If you don’t open the door, I’m going to kick it in,” he said. “One.”

Sasuke was pretty sure only people in movies could do that.

“Two.”

He remembered awhile back, he’d asked Kakashi what would happen if he ever finished the count. Kakashi had told him just to never let him get to--

“Three.”

Sasuke faced the wall, his body jerking to a sitting position a second after, when there was a loud  _ thud _ . The curtain was pulled back.

“Do you want me to carry you to bed, or do you want to walk there?” He didn’t sound as pissed off as someone who’d just been forced to break into their own bathroom. Mostly, he sounded. Tired.

Neither. “Can’t you just bring a blanket?”

Kakashi sat on the toilet. “Sasuke, the bed is right there. You can’t sleep in the bathtub.”

“It’s not uncomfortable.”

“That’s not why,” he whispered. “Come on.”

Sasuke did, laying on his side, not getting under the covers because he was dirty. But he pulled the blanket that Kakashi placed on top of him all the way up to his nose. 

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

He shook his head. “I’m not hungry. But...thanks.”

“Okay. I’ll be downstairs, if you need anything. I’m...really proud of you, Sasuke. I can only imagine that you’re dealing with scary...things, but I’m really proud of you. And thank you for trusting me with that. I know it wasn’t easy.”

Sasuke considered asking him to stay. Which was stupid. Because he had just wanted to be by his own in the bathtub. But. But regardless of how he felt now, for saying. That. Anyway. At least Kakashi knew that he told him to. To. To gain some of his trust back.

\-----------------------------------------

Sasuke didn’t know how he actually showed up to Naruto’s house because. Well. It hadn’t been a good night. And. And he still. Anyway. It wasn’t even just his own insomnia. Which. Which had been a good thing because otherwise, if he had been passed out. He wouldn’t have heard Suigetsu knocking at two in the morning. Sasuke had opened the door after hearing an awfully alarming sound coming from him. Suigetsu had handed him the phone, and Sasuke had spent the next four hours alternating between insulting Suigetsu’s brother and trying to calm down his mom, hearing loud banging and incoherent, but. But loud screams. Mr. Hozuki’s voice had come down the line, telling him they’d called the police. Sasuke stayed connected until the banging stopped, and Mrs. Hozuki told him to watch Suigetsu for them. 

He dragged Suigetsu out on a run then, stopping only when their biggest problem was dry heaving into the ground and burning calves. 

Sasuke knocked. Because he had to deliver presents. The door opened, revlealing a...gentleman with long, white hair. He was wearing a red sweater with a green frog holding a sign that said  _ Merry Christmas _ . 

The man looked him up and down, his eyes narrowed. “Naruto’s boyfriend, right?”

“Yes, sir.” He looked down at the presents in his arms, his cheeks suddenly warmer. Along with a tightened stomach. He spent the entire night thinking it over, but. But he’d taken enough advantage of Naruto over the past weeks and. And just like he owed Kakashi some honesty, he owed Naruto some, too. “I was just--” 

“Come on in,” the man said. “He’s taking a shower, but he should be done soon.”

“I can just wait out here, sir--” 

“Nonsense, head upstairs, I’m sure he won’t mind.” The man pulled him inside.

Sasuke did his best to keep his breathing controlled when he closed the door, too. “Thank you, sir,” he managed, before making his way upstairs. Not all the presents were for Naruto, of course, but maybe people were in the living room, and he shouldn’t impose his presence there. He’d gotten so used to showing up out of the blue that the thought that he should  _ call _ first to make sure it was okay. Hadn’t. Hadn’t occured to him. 

He knocked on Naruto’s door, shifting the weight of the boxes as he waited for the door to open. 

“Oh, hey, Sasuke.” It was Karin. Also wearing a red sweater with a toad holding a sign that said  _ and a Happy New Years _ , exclamation point and all. She took some of the boxes from his arms, pulling him inside the bedroom and closing the door. “Merry Christmas! And happy birthday!”

The bathroom door was closed, but he couldn’t hear running water. So maybe he would be out soon. “Thank you,” he said, maanging to smile. He’d never thought any holiday could be worse than his first Christmas with Kakashi, but. But. The way he was feeling, it was. Competiton, at least. It obviously wasn’t just him. Suigetsu was obviously upset. And Jugo was too receptive to not be affected by. By everyone else around him, too. “Merry Christmas to you too, Karin.”

He set the boxes on Naruto’s bed, next to the ones Karin had already placed there. “I was just going to drop--” 

“I know you’re probably with your family and all, too,” Karin said. “But Naruto hasn’t shut up about you since yesterday, so on behalf of the rest of our family, we would really  _ really _ appreciate it if you could stay long enough for him to see you and drag you under the mistletoe he spent a good hour trying to hang from the roof.”

That. Sasuke nodded, “sure, that’s okay.”

Karin looked at him for a second too long, but she didn’t say anything else, turning to look at her phone. Sasuke took his out of his pocket too, getting it back from Kakashi earlier in the day, along with a code to an online driver’s course to study for his permit test, and started playing a game Naruto downloaded awhile back. It was an endless, repetitive game, and Sasuke had been trying to beat Naruto’s high score anytime he was too bored. He wasn’t bored now. But. But it was a calming distraction. 

He heard the bathroom door opening, but Naruto was hugging him before he could even look up. 

“Happy birthday!” He said, a wide grin on his face. He was wearing the same sweater as the man downstairs. “And Merry Christmas!” 

“Thanks,” Sasuke said, his smile more easily maintained, Naruto’s energy infectious, regardless of. Of. Anyway. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

Naruto kissed his cheek, thankfully moving away to stare at his cousin before getting a chance to feel the warmth coming back with a vengance to Sasuke’s cheeks. 

“Get out, Karin.”

“Why? I don’t kick you out when Sakura’s around,” she chuckled, but left the room.

Naruto kicked the door closed with his foot, before turning to look at him. Still with the wide grin. “How are you?”

“Good,” he cleared his throat. “I just came to drop,” he motioned at the boxes on Naruto’s bed. “But I should really get going. I’ll see you later.”

“I don’t get a christmas kiss?”

Sasuke closed his eyes. Until he could take a deep breath and face Naruto. “I--I need to tell you something and--” 

His smile was faltering. “I know I was the one who said I wasn’t going to break up with you today, but I was kinda hoping that you wouldn’t either--” 

“I’m not,” he replied, quickly. He knew that Naruto had promised that. He. Sasuke was sure that it was the reason he was telling him. Today. He knew Naruto wouldn’t break a promise and. And he realized it was a shitty thing to do. But. But if he didn’t tell him today, he. He’d have to wait until next year, and. And forcing Naruto to stay in a relationship that. With. Someone. Anyway. It wasn’t fair to him. So it was today and he could call them off tomorrow. “I just...I guess...technically, I--I...” he closed his eyes. “Someone could say I cheated on you.”

There was a small peck on his lips, a faint taste of peppermint. “No, you didn’t.”

Sasuke opened his eyes. Naruto didn’t look worried, he just looked confused, just like he looked when he was staring at most math problems. Not even  _ seriously _ confused. “I’m telling you I did.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, “Sasuke, you won’t even cheat on tests. How can you think I’d think that you’d cheat on someone? You know, if you’re lying to get me to break up with you, I...I really like you and I actually do want to spend much more time with you, but if you’re not happy and you don’t want to be--” 

“Shut up.” He glared, crossing his arm. Vaguely aware that him being mad was the least appropiate response. Maybe. Maybe he was just building up the anger os when naruto really was angry, he wouldn’t. Wouldn’t be too upset. “I can’t believe you don’t think I could cheat on you because I don’t cheat on tests! Just like you wouldn’t believe that I could take drugs because I’m a nerd. You know Jugo? Yeah, he’s a nerd and--” 

“To be fair,” Naruto said, poking him on his stomach. “I was right about the drugs. Just like I’m right about this. Like I said--” 

“I let him touch me.” The words, much like yesterday, turned into buzzing in his ears. Just like yesterday, his chest was pressed. By something. “What would you call that?”

Naruto was staring at him, gnawing on his lower lip. “Not cheating, Sasuke.” He didn’t sound mad, but his clenched fists told a completely different story. “And I’m not entirely sure you want to hear what  _ I _ would call it, but it’s  _ not _ cheating. You didn’t let him.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“No, you didn’t,” Naruto replied, a little more forecefully now, but not unkindly. “You couldn’t have done anything to stop him, but that’s not the same thing as letting him. I doubt that he asked you if he could do anything and I doubt that you said yes. It’s not cheating unless you verbally agreed and even if you had, it’s not consent unless--” 

Sasuke covered his mouth. “ _ Stop _ .” Naruto’s eyes didn’t widened, he didn’t look scared. He only lick his hand. But Sasuke kept it over his mouth because he needed Naruto to. To listen to him before. Before Sasuke let himself listen to him. “I’m trying to--to tell you that I’m...gross and--and--and.” He let Naruto pull his hand down. “He touched me before I let you and--”

“Sasuke,” Naruto cleared his throat. Sasuke let him cover his mouth. “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t say this because it could be the wrong thing to say and--and I don’t mean it in a wrong way, but...I don’t care if the whole world touched you before I did, or do, or--or, I mean, I would care, if it happened like...like it happened already, but I don’t care because it happened, I care that it happened like that and that you feel like it was your fault because it wasn’t, but if the whole world did because you wanted to, I still wouldn’t care because I just love you and it doesn’t matter if we don’t ever do anything because I still care about you and obviously, I think you’re hot and I’ve been smitted since I saw you, but, I mean, it could...I mean, I would just wait for you until forever and longer because I really, really like you and you’re not dirty and it wasn’t your fault.”

Naruto’s hand dropped. There was. Naruto was mostly wrong, but. “How did you go from love to  _ really, really like you _ in the same sentence?”

Naruto huffed, his cheeks a deep red. “Out of all of that, is that really what you took?”

Sasuke glanced away, towards the bathroom door. “I really, really like you, too.” His cheeks must look as red as Naruto’s now, too. “But--” 

“Stop. I know you think it was your fault, and I know people telling us that it’s not true isn’t going to change that, but...but when you do, and even if you don’t, I’ll still really like you.”

“There are a lot better people for you to like, Naruto.”

Naruto turned his face towards him, his cheeks still bright red, but the wide smile was back on his face. “Sucks for them.” 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate the word dinosaur okkk

“Are you sure Sasuke won’t mind?”

Naruto shook his head, side glancing Karin while he tried to figure out where his house key was. Normally, with his car keys, but since he had those taken away, his house key was loose--his mom kept telling him to keep it in another keychain, but he kept postponing it, and now half his bedroom was destroyed, in a futile attempt to find it. “I just texted him, he said it was fine. Why are you being so weird about it?”

Karin shrugged, “it is Christmas and--” 

“He was just here,” Naruto pointed out, lifting a trophy from middle school, sighing in relief when he spotted the key with the frog cover. It wasn’t the one that he had lost, but it was still a house key. “You wished him a happy birthday--” 

“I know!” Karin shrugged, again. “I mean, you’re his boyfriend, so it would make sense for you to go, and it’s not like we hate each other, but we don’t really talk that much and--” 

Naruto threw his phone at her, watching her catch it. “You can read the texts. He literally wrote that you could come too, and we can all play board games. We’ll come back for the Secret Santa exchange. Or you can stay here, it’s fine either way.”

She went through his phone, presumably--hopefully--reading the texts, before handing the phone back with a small nod. “I can’t believe you guys are so G-rated that you didn’t even think twice about someone going through your texts.”

Naruto pocketed the phone. They would remain G-rated for as long as Sasuke wanted to, or needed to. He--he hadn’t had time to properly think about what Sasuke told him. He first notice when something was off the day he met Suigetsu, and Sasuke had frozen when he snuck his hands under his shirt. He’d asked him if it was fine, and he said it was. But Sasuke slept over a lot, and he used to have a cute habit of staring up at his ceiling--Naruto first noticed because when Sasuke was staring up at the ceiling, he could look at him without being worried that Sasuke was looking at  _ him _ . Over the past weeks, Naruto hadn’t seen him stare up once, except when he was proving something. 

Naruto had an idea of what happened, but hearing it from Sasuke, who brought it up ashamed and terrified, calling it  _ cheating _ , as if being sexually assaulted or...worse should or could ever be considered cheating. After Sasuke left, he’d gone to his bathroom to attempt to compose himself, and then headed downstairs, but by the looks that every single person in the living room sent him, he had only been mildly successful. 

“Is that why you won’t let me read yours and Sakura’s?”

Karin pushed him out the door. “I don’t let you read them because we make fun of people together,” she laughed. “We had a blast this semester with chemistry. Oh! I just realized, Mr. Hatake is there, too.”

“You know, your crush on Sasuke’s dad is absolutely ridiculous and uncomfortable, and you have to stop.”

Karin rolled her eyes, but Naruto spotted a faint blush on her cheeks. “It’s not a crush! I’m a  _ lesbian _ , do you know what that means?”

“I mean, I’m utterly gay, but I can still have girl crushes--” 

“So, you  _ are _ aware that Mr. Hatake is hot? Aren’t you the one with the uncomfortable--” 

“Don’t. Gross.” Naruto stuck his tongue out. “Seriously--” 

“Nothing to feel bad about, Naruto,” Karin said, as she closed the front door behind them. “It’s quite obvious that Sasuke has a crush on Uncle Minato, so you can call it even--” 

“He does not.”

“Yeah, he does,” Karin shrugged. “It’s cute. Of course, it makes sense, if he likes you, why wouldn’t he have a crush on your dad? You’re identical to him.”

Naruto halted, grabbing her hand. “You can tease me all you want, but don’t do this in front of him, okay? I’m not entirely sure how--” 

“What do you think I am? An idiot?”

Naruto let her go, continuing to walk to Sasuke’s house. He didn’t think that she was an idiot, obviously. Karin was smart, sometimes a little  _ too  _ smart. “You’re right, about the crush. I did get grade genes from dad!”

“And Auntie Kushina!”

Naruto nodded, although sometimes he had a hard time seeing the resemblance with his mom. “Can you imagine me with red hair?”

“We don’t have to imagine it, we could just dye it.”

Naruto chuckled, ringing the doorbell. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull off red hair. I can barely pull of the blond--” 

“You’re a great blond,” Karin said, a teasing smile on her face. “You got the grades--” 

“I’m going to tell dad you think blonds are stupid,” Naruto cut her off, and to his complete pleasure, Kakashi opened the door. He was wearing a red sweater, and that green scarf that matched Sasuke’s. Naruto took some pleasure in glancing at his cousin, who had gone completely still and quiet. “Merry Christmas, Kakashi.”

Kakashi probably smiled, stepping aside. “You too, guys.”

“Merry Christmas, Mr. Hatake,” Karin said. 

He groaned, softly. “Thanks, but do me a favor and don’t call me that outside of school. I try to forget I’m a teacher during breaks. Kakashi’s fine.”

Naruto chuckled, and dragged Karin away before she could potentially embarrass herself. He halted in the hallway; all three of them were in the living room. Jugo was wearing a red sweater, too, and Suigetsu was wearing a shark onesie, hood and all, but it was Sasuke who drew his attention. When he told Sasuke he loved him, his face had felt like someone had dipped his entire body into a volcano, but he hadn’t been joking. He meant it. Seeing Sasuke wearing a green dinosaur onesie just made him love him even more. 

Kakashi chuckled, walking passed them, handing a photo to Naruto. He looked at it, feeling a smile tugging at his lips. It was Sasuke and Suigetsu, probably around seven, maybe eight, wearing onesies that looked exactly like the ones they were wearing at the moment. Sasuke looked utterly adorable, his cheeks puffed out, the smallest smile he’d ever seen on anyone, half staring directly into the camera, half-staring at Suigetsu who looked like he was caught in the middle of giving Sasuke an earth shattering hug, and a toothy, wide smile. There was a small, red arrow on the bottom right corner, with Kakashi’s teacher writing  _ turn over _ . He did.  _ Merry Christmas, from the guy who’s going to go to prison for murder if you ever hurt his son :D _ . 

Naruto shoved it in his back pocket, just in time for Sasuke to spot them apparently. Naruto could see his orange sweater peeking from underneath the onesie. And--and he might loved him even more. Sasuke pulled a chair back for Karin, next to the one he was using, and then turned to stare at him, until Naruto got the message, and let him sit on his lap.

“We’re playing Exploding Kittens,” Suigetsu said, after they introduced themselves. 

He went over the rules, some of them going over Naruto’s head, even though they weren’t a lot. But he joined Sasuke’s team, not just because of the rules, but because it would have been difficult for both of them to hide their cards from each other. It didn’t matter, though, they lost rather quickly. It was more luck than anything because the rules didn’t actually let anyone  _ not _ take a card unless there was an attack or a skip, and they used their protection card earlier on. So, it was luck. Jugo lost afterwards.

“Hey, you can join my team,” Suigetsu said, scooting closer to Jugo and showing him his cards. 

“That’s not fair--” 

“You can take those two,” Suigetsu replied, chuckling as he took a card from the deck. 

“Why would I want the two that lost two minutes into the game? No offense, birthday boy,” Karin mumbled, although she was already showing them their cards.

“None taken...”

Karin had two protection cards, and three attacks, and one see the future, and one that looked like a man with a cat on his beard. Naruto didn’t care much for any of them, except the protection cards. That meant they had two chances of getting an exploding kitten and not dying--or at least they had two chances until Suigetsu and Jugo put down two cards, rainbow cats, and stole a card from them. One of the protection ones. Naruto decided that was the beginning of the end. They got an exploding kitten in their next turn. 

“Why would we want to see the future if we can’t do anything to stop it?”

“We could attack,” Karin whispered back. 

Naruto would have paid attention to what they were talking about if he understood what they were talking about and if he didn’t have Sasuke distracting him; he didn’t think it was on purpose, of course, but he looked adorable with the dinosaur onesie, especially with the hoodie on. It made him look like a real-size stuffed animal and Naruto just couldn’t stop staring. 

“That’s only two cards, though, what if the third one we see is the kitten? Maybe we should just grab one.”

“But what if the first one is the kitten? If we see first, we could still attack afterwards,” Karin said.

“And what if there’s nothing to see and we waste that card?”

“Come on,” Suigetsu groaned. “You guys have been arguing for a good five min--” 

“You and Jugo literally spent five minutes just to end up taking a card,” Karin replied, still staring at the cards. 

“It was hardly five minutes and we only have two heads, you guys have three--” 

“Naruto doesn’t count,” Karin cut him off, glancing at Naruto and shrugging. “No offense! You’re not playing! I don’t really think blonds are dumb.”

Naruto shrugged back. “Just remember, I look just like my dad.” He felt Sasuke’s stomach contracting, clearly trying to stop himself from chuckling. It made him smile. He would have kissed him if Kakashi wasn’t in the living room--although, he seemed to be distracted with a book he was reading, occasional, soft chuckles coming from him, Urushi by his feet, curled into a tiny ball. 

“I still think we should peek at the first three cards...” Karin trailed off, leaning closer to Sasuke and whispering something in his ear. 

Sasuke nodded, and they set the vision card down, before covering all angles around the deck, so they could be the only ones looking at the cards. After a moment, they glanced at each other, and then Sasuke took a card from the top of the deck. Suigetsu and Jugo looked at each other, before they set down an attack card. Karin groaned, and Saske sighed, but when he picked up the two cards, the ones they had looked at, Naruto caught sight of a protection card. Naruto buried his face in between Sasuke’s shoulder blades, to stop from laughing. 

The bluffing, though, seemed to be karma because about an hour later, Karin drew an exploding kitten, ending the game with their loss. Just in time, though, because it was almost time for dinner at their house, and for Secret Santa. 

Naruto nudged Sasuke. “We need to go home.” He poked Karin, whose face was planted on the table, mumbling something to herself about Sakura that he didn’t care to decipher. “Come on, we have to set the table.”

Karin sighed, but stood up. “Fine.” She crossed her arms, “you suck.”

It took a moment for Naruto to realize that she was talking to Suigetsu, and not him. Suigetsu gave her toothy smile, “nothing that you have.”

Sasuke threw a popcorn at him, but he caught it and grinned. But Karin was already walking off, although she said bye to Kakashi and to Jugo, and to Naruto’s utter surprise, Suigetsu. 

“Bye, guys,” he said, waving, not at all surprised that Sasuke walk down the hallway with him. 

“We made your family some cupcakes,” he told him. “Is it okay if I drop them off?”

Naruto nodded, watching him pick up what was clearly more than one hundred cupcakes. “Thanks. We didn’t have any good desserts. Aunt Mariko made some cookies, but we already ate those. Do you need help?”

“Just get the door,” Sasuke said, shaking his head. 

Naruto did, staring at Sasuke as he walked out the door, still looking like an adorable dinosaur. He patted his back pocket, smiling to himself when he felt the picture. “You never mentioned you liked dinosaurs.”

There was the blush on his cheeks. “I don’t,” Sasuke cleared his throat. It sounded like a lie. “It’s just that I used to have this one and, anyway,” he shook his head. “Getsu bought me a dinosaur onesie, or I guess his parents did, and I wore it for like a year. I had dad buy him a shark one, and he wore it for a year, too. I guess dad thought it’d be funny.”

Naruto didn’t point out that he still wore it. It was adorable. “Aren’t you warm? I mean, you have my orange sweater too--” 

“It’s cold,” he shrugged. “Do you want it?”

Naruto didn’t know why Karin didn’t leave the door open for them, but she didn’t. He ignored the random mistletoe hovering from the roof, that was not there when they left. He opened the door, holding it open for Sasuke to come in, slower than he would otherwise, his face a little redder than normal, than even a few moments ago when he’d been talking about the onesie. 

“Come on, just drop them off in the kitchen.” Naruto couldn’t tell why he practically had to drag Sasuke there, he’d been there a hundred thousand times, and it’s not like he had walked down the street wearing the onesie already. Besides, it was adorable. Besides, his gramps was the only one in the kitchen, tilting a wine glass back. “Hey--” 

“Still Naruto’s boyfriend, right?” His grampa said, staring at Sasuke with a raised eyebrow, but small smile.

“Yes, sir,” Sasuke replied. 

Naruto could feel the warmth radiating from him. “You can call him Jiraiya, you know,” Naruto said, helping him set some of the trays on the counter. “He’s my gramps. Dad’s dad. I don’t think you can really call him Mr. Uzumaki Sr., though.” That wasn’t even his dad’s last name, really, though he knew how endearing he thought Sasuke was because he called him that.

“Actually, ‘sir’ is fine,” his gramps said, leaning against the counter. “Only because not many people call me that, although they  _ should _ ,” he huffed, swinging back the glass and finishing it in a large gulp. 

“Of course, sir,” Sasuke replied, as he tried to pretend that he wasn’t staring at him. He had a small frown on his face, his eyes narrowed, and he was lifting the aluminum from the trays slower than he could. He tilted his head to the side, and Naruto wished he could have filmed him because the dinosaur hood tilted to the side, too. “Are you...by any chance the writer for the  _ Paradise Lost _ series?”

Naruto’s eyes widened. He wasn’t allowed to read those books, so that meant Sasuke definitely shouldn’t either. Most of it was corny, or so he’d gathered, but some parts were for adults. “You know--” 

“Why yes, yes, I am,” his gramps said, a wider grin on his face. “I’m surprised someone your age knows about them, though, and to be entirely honest, I am not sure you are the intended audience.” 

Sasuke shook his head. “No. No. Uh, my dad likes your books. Not in a weird way. Just, generally. As literature, I mean--” 

“Ah, I like you, and your dad, very well, Sasuke, you don’t have to ask, I’ll write your dad an auto--” 

“He wasn’t asking--”

“Thank you, sir,” Sasuke said.

Of course his gramps would have a pen and paper available, and he asked for the name, and wrote what looked like a novel. “Do you want a picture? So your dad doesn’t think your joking?” 

“Is that okay, sir?”

His gramps nodded, and before Sasuke could take out his phone, Naruto grabbed his own. His gramps put an arm around Sasuke, and they both smiled. He took it, saving it, “I’ll send it to you,” he said. He would just sent it after putting it as his phone background. 

“Thanks,” Sasuke said, accepting the note. “Thank you, sir.”

“Of course, of course, always happy to know people are reading my books,” his gramps said, walking out of the kitchen, presumably towards the living room.

“How did you recognize him?”

Sasuke’s face turned a darker shade of red. “I remember your dad saying once that your mom didn’t want to send her book to his dad because it would be neopotism.” He shrugged, “and dad does like his books. He was reading the latest one just now; plus, the name. Anyway,” he cleared his throat. “I should get going. I’ll see you later.”

Naruto nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets to stop himself from holding onto Sasuke. He did want a kiss, but he knew that Sasuke would just say that his entire family was in the living room, which was true, and that they couldn’t do that in front of them. It was cute and endearing. “Bye. Happy birthday again, Sasuke, and Merry Christmas.”

Sasuke smiled, walking past him. “You too.”

Naruto remained in the kitchen long after the door closed. Until his mom called him, saying that it was time for dinner. 

He walked over. “Sasuke left some cupcakes for us--” 

“And you didn’t invite him to stay longer?”

Naruto shrugged, ignoring the look that his gramps and Karin both sent him. It was funny, it was a matching expression, down to the quirk of lips, but they weren’t even actually blood related. Still, Karin called him grandad, too, and whenever he was in town, his gramps would visit him, and visit her, too. “He has his own stuff to do, mom.”

“We could have sent food with him.”

Naruto took a seat next to his Auntie Mariko, turning his phone off and placing it in the middle of the table, in the bowl along with everyone’s phones, to stay there until after gift exchange. “He would have just felt bad,” he said, taking a large scoop of mashed potatoes. “Besides, they have food--” 

“Naruto,” his parents said at the same time, shaking their heads.

“I’m serious. He would have felt bad, you guys know that--” 

“He seems exceedingly polite,” his gramps said. Aunt Mariko nodded her agreement. The entire table seemed to be nodding along, too. “But he seems nice.”

“He is nice, and polite,” Naruto said. And adorable, and the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. Sure, sometimes Sasuke did stupid things, but they were understandable. Besides, he was a teenager--Naruto was pretty sure that every single teenager in the world sometimes did stupid things. “I’m going to ask him to prom!”

“That’s months away--” 

“I don’t care. If I don’t ask him,” Naruto started, “someone else might feel inclined to ask him, and I’m pretty sure he’ll say no, but what if he’s too polite to say no? I really need to ask him to make sure that he knows that I want him to go with me and he can’t agree with someone else. We’ll have matching ties and everything, I’m thinking orange, but he’ll probably want blue, that’s his favorite color, and I guess I can compromise, I don’t mind blue. I guess he could really wear any color and--” 

Naruto tried to stop talking. But it wasn’t his fault that everyone asked him questions about Sasuke, and it wasn’t his fault that it was so easy to talk about him. Until Karin pointed out that Sakura was better than Sasuke, which--which was difficult because he definietly loved Sakura, too, she was his best friend, and he missed her so, so much, but Sakura could give someone a concussion and she  _ would _ and Sasuke could give someone a concussion, too, but he  _ wouldn’t _ , and that was the real difference between them, and obviously, Karin was just a lovesick puppy with Sakura, which he respected because so was he, but it was just delusional to think that Sasuke was not objectively better than Sakura. 

How many instruments did Sakura play? None. How many did Sasuke play? Two. What did Sakura do in her free time? Volunteer at the hospital. What did Sasuke do? Volunteer at the animal shelter. Were animals better than people? Yes. Would Sakura be able to handle the pressure of being the missing child of a powerful man? No. Did Sasuke? Yes. 

_ Objectively  _ better. Naruto couldn’t understand how Karin couldn’t see that. But whatever. The only thing that mattered is that everyone else knew that he had the best boyfriend in the world. Anyway, by the time presents were over, around one in the morning, Naruto was pretty sure that everyone did know that Sasuke was better, although to her credit, Karin put up a valiant effort. 

He was putting his pajamas on when he heard the front door opening and closing. Karin burst into his bedroom, closing the door, her back pressed against it. Her hair was braided, just like his mom and her mom. 

“What are you--”

She threw the phone at him. “I’m only showing you this because I know you’re going to see it, okay? And I’d rather be in the room with--” 

Naruto wasn’t paying attention to her, having caught her phone, having caught the headline of the article.  _ Itachi Uchiha’s Press Conference and Suicide _ . His eyes couldn’t get past the headline, it was--there was a video. He clicked on it, holding his breath, feeling Karin behind him, watching over his shoulder. It was from a news site, it didn’t matter which one, but there was Itachi, his hair shorter, standing behind a podium, wearing glasses and suit, and--someone, some person who must be a reporter asking about Sasuke, saying that everyone knew where Sasuke lived, and that they were coming for him, and then he took out a--something that he drove up to his--and the video cut, with a lady behind a table, talking about how the conference had been cancelled upon the death of a reporter in the room. 

He hated clickbait. 

That title had made it look like it was Itachi who committed suicide. Not--Naruto knew that it was...sad...except that--he wasn’t an expert, obviously, but it seemed to him that the person committed suicide out of spite than...anything else. He didn’t know. It wasn’t his place to know, but it looked a bit...fanatical, the gleam in the person’s eyes before...

Naruto handed Karin her phone, dialing Sasuke’s from his phone. It went to voicemail. He tried again. Voicemail, again. Voicemail. Again. He dialed Kakashi’s phone. Voicemail. Voicemail. He tried Jugo’s. Voicemail.

“None of them are picking up--” 

“It is past bedtime, maybe they’re--” 

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Naruto cut her off, looking down at himself. He was already in pajamas, but what did it matter? Sasuke lived a house away from him, he could go there himself and  _ check _ because Sasuke should be there. In his house. He should be asleep. But--but it seemed to him that the press conference, what happened, had been a taunt, or a warning, or something, so if no one was picking up because they were all asleep, then someone needed to wake them up and warn Sasuke, and Kakashi, that someone knew where Sasuke was, and that somoene probably had other friends who knew that, and--

“What are you doing?”

He was climbing down the tree. If Sasuke could do it, then so could he. “What does it look like I’m doing?” He whispered, stepping over the rail and grabbing onto the tree branch. “What are you doing?”

Karin was doing the exact same thing that he was doing. “What does it look like I’m doing? If you think I’m going to let you go by yourself, then you really are dumb, and I’ll tell Uncle Minato myself that some blonds do perpetuate the stereyotype, because some blonds  _ are _ dumb.”

“You can’t come, you’re going to get in trouble,” Naruto pointed out, but helping her down. “I’m just going to check--” 

“If you’re just going to check, then so am I, and there’s nothing to get in trouble for, right? I mean, it doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving you by yourself, I can feel the energy pouring out of you, and I know that if you don’t find anyone in there, you’re going to do something really, really stupid.” 

They were walking past the house separating them when Naruto felt his phone buzzing against his butt. He scrambled for it, an unknown number. He picked it up. “What?”

“Naruto?” It was Itachi. His voice was soft and strained. “Is Sasuke with you?”

He wasn’t supposed to be talking to him. Sasuke asked him not to, but Itachi was clearly upset--anyone must have been upset if the person who was blurting out facts about a supposedly hidden away brother had also killed themselves in a press conference, presumably in front of anyone watching. “Uh, not at the moment.”

There was a sigh. It was barely audible. “Stay away from his house.”

“Too late,” he replied. They were at the doorstep, all the lights were off. He knocked, softly, but couldn’t even hear Urushi barking. Naruto didn’t usually spend time knocking, or ringing Sasuke’s doorbell, but whenever he did, Urushi barked without fail. “I don’t think he’s here, Itachi.”

“Go back home, Naruto--”

“I will. Right after I check.” He followed Karin to the back. Sasuke’s balcony was more difficult to climb than his own, but if Karin climbed onto his shoulders and then jumped, she might be able to pull herself over the rail and check the bedroom.

“It’s not  _ safe _ . Go back home and stay there. Or I’m going to call your mom and tell her you’re sneaking away in the middle of the night--” 

“If you call my mom,” Naruto replied, holding onto Karin’s feet, leaning against the wall. “I’m pretty sure she’s going to scream at you for not talking to Sasuke before. So, go ahead, be my guest.”

“I’m serious, Naruto. If you care about my brother, you’re going to stay in a safe place. In fact--” 

“What happened?” He said, biting back a wince as Karin’s foot landed on his face. But she was helping, so he didn’t complain.

Another sigh. “Bad people got angry.”

“Who?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“I can’t reach,” Karin mumbled. Naruto sighed, tapping her foot and motioning to get down. She did, climbing him down, until she touched the ground. She was looking at him apologetically, but he smiled softly. 

“Why not?”

“I just can’t, okay?” Itachi said, sounding a bit like an exasperated, desperate older brother. “I know I can’t tell you to trust me, but please go home and stay there.”

“I trust you,” Naruto said, letting Karin already drag him back to his house, to his own balcony that could be climbed. He did trust Itachi. He’d seen the way that Itachi looked that night in the motel when he talked about Sasuke, about his little brother, like his heart was broken into tiny million pieces, and the only thing still keeping him alive was making sure that Sasuke didn’t have the responsability of the company, the only reason he was alive was to keep his brother safe. “And I’m going back home,” he said, a shallow breath clutching his chest painfully, at the realization that Itachi hadn’t kept his brother safe, and he was living with that realization himself at that same moment, down the line. 

“Thank you,” Itachi replied. “Stay there, please.”

They walked past the neighbors car, heading inside their garage. Naruto had been under the impression that the old couple who owned that house wasn’t allowed to drive again, but it was Christmas--a little late for family visitors, but maybe they were celebrating Boxing Day, instead of Christmas, he wouldn’t know. 

Karin went up the tree first, sliding the door and disappearing into his bedroom. “Is it the same people who kidnapped him a few weeks ago?”

“I don’t know,” Itachi replied. 

“What do you mean? The guy killed himself at  _ your _ press conference--” 

“I had never seen him in my life,” Itachi said. “Your dad’s calling, I have to hang up. Take care, Naruto--” 

“Yeah, you too.” He hung up, and climbed back up to his bedroom. Karin was standing in the middle of the room, looking a little lost. Looking just like how he felt. If his dad was calling Itachi, then obviously, there was something  _ wrong _ . There were many things wrong. “You want to stay here?”

Without looking at him, she nodded. Naruto let her have the bed because the thought of laying on it was making him sick to the stomach. He stayed on the floor, on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He tried to go to sleep, as he convinced himself that Sasuke was in his house, sleeping, but--but if that was the case, then surely, Itachi wouldn’t have called him and told him to stay away from that house because it was dangerous. His dad wouldn’t have been calling Itachi. His dad’s sedan was missing, and the door closing made more sense now. 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the third arc

“Oh, Sasuke, where are you?”

Jugo accel--

“We just want to talk to you.”

Another voice. Whispering. If they yelled, someone could hear them. They weren’t far. Not close.

Sasuke’s back was pressed against a tree. It was cold. The night was cold. It had been a bad plan. Funny. He couldn’t feel anything. Adrenaline. Probably. His phone was in the car. 

_ 911, what’s your emergency _ ?

They took him before he could answer. They shoved him in another car before the operator could repeat the question. His sweat was cold. 

“Do you want to know how many of us there are?”

It hurt to breathe. His chest hurt. Perfect timing, for the adrenaline to fade. He always thought seatbelts were supposed. Supposed to be good. 

“We’ll tell you, if you just come with us.” The one whistling in the car. 

The problem with nature was that it was loud. And quiet. If he moved, they would hear him. If he didn’t, they would find him. He ran to the woods, the trails. Away from people. Away from the Uzuamkis. The same way he’d disappeared to when he ran away. The night just as dark, the wind slapping his face just as cold as that night.

“We won’t kill you.”

After. They dragged him back there. Their neighbors were dead. Sitting. Bleeding. Bled. It hurt to breathe, but he couldn’t take shallow breaths. He knelt down, clutching a rock. They had guns. He’d lose. 

“It’s your brother’s fault. He shouldn’t have taken Kabuto. It’s all his fault.”

Would it be considered self-defense? Did it matter? He was going to die. Just when things. When they were improving. Sleeping. 

“We just want to play.”

Maybe he could offer to play exploding kittens with them. A branch snapped. To his left. Not too close. Not too far. Jugo had been breathing still. He had to keep breathing. 

“If you don’t come out, we’re going back and doing to that boyfriend of yours what we did to your mommy.”

He stepped out to the right, avoiding the dead branches and leaves laying in front of him, behind him. Where that voice was coming from. The shadow was far off, it was darker than the surrounding ones. It didn’t move; his back to him, then, but he’d turned around before he ever got close enough to land a hit. 

“We’ll do it to his mommy, too.” 

The voice echoed. Though it should not. He looked down at his hand, holding the rock. He bent down, picking another one, a bigger one, with his other hand. It couldn’t be more difficult than throwing tennis balls. He could miss. It didn’t matter. 

He didn’t miss. He even got an ‘ow’ for his effort. The second rock and another one, for his effort. 

He landed face down on the ground, the pain in his chest flaring up with a vengeance. Someone straddled him. It was fine.

“Let’s see if you’re as quiet as your mommy, uh?”

He was going to murder them. On. His. Back. Kakashi used to call it turtle and roll. He was on his back, the pebbles digging uncomfortably into it. But he was facing the man now. Locked elbows. Double chin, tightened neck. There was a hand trying to get at his throat. The right one. It was okay. Kakashi had spent years on top of him like this, and they didn’t seem to have chlorofom this time. Improvement. Monkey grip on wrist, elbow down. Left hand on his tricep. Locked elbows. Leg over his foot. Hips up, roll. Thumbs on the eyes. Claw in. There might have been a scream. A groan. It didn’t matter. 

He ran. It should have been harder to, he supposed, but he couldn’t feel much, and he knew the way, much better than, hopefully, a half-blinded person, and. He glanced over his shoulder. If he couldn’t see them, they probably could not see him either. A sound crackled through the air. 

Another one. Another--fireworks. They had to be fireworks.

Would there have been time for them to return? Sasuke seemed to have been running forever. They returned. For Naruto. There was. He had to get back. He couldn’t know where he was, near the park, maybe. He’d never gotten to the hill, he didn’t think. He hadn’t felt the exertion of going uphill. Then again, he hadn’t exactly felt much. It was nice of his body, though, because he had to keep moving. To the park. If. If there was.

If they had gone back. The entire street should have heard. He’d know, if he saw people running out of their houses. But there was no one around. Naruto’s house still had the lights around their front tree, bright. They left them on every night. It was a lot of electricity wasted, but it was nice right now. Mr. Uzumaki’s sedan was missing. 

He glued his finger to the doorbell. It was loud. 

What would he say? 

_ I’m sorry I tried to blind you, I know you must be angry and hurt, but can you consider hurting me instead of hurting innocent people?  _

He shouldn’t have come. The could be dead. Already. He rattled the doorknob. Jabbing his finger into the doorbell. It was louder. 

Someone pulled him inside. It was. White hair. He shook his head. It was Naruto’s grandpa. Kakashi’s favorite writer. Holding a baseball bat. There was a click when he closed the door. 

“Are you hurt?”

Sasuke waited for a response, letting him take him to the living room. There was no one dead in those couches. Only Naruto’s aunt, who seemed to be getting closer and closer. The backyard’s curtains were drawn shut. The Christmas tree was off. It wasn’t Christmas anymore, he was pretty sure. Wasn’t his birthday anymore. It couldn’t be his birthday anymore because it wasn’t Christmas anymore. 

His chest hurt. Not much. Like bruises would form, like something was pressing down on something. His calves felt tight, but that made sense too because he hadn’t had time to stretch. There hadn’t been much time. He’d been out the backyard as soon as his eyes landed on those couches. 

It smelled of oranges. He was so tired. His hood was pulled over his head. Everything hurt. But the oranges smelled nice. For some reason, it was making it easy to let the colors and sounds blur away. But he couldn’t. He was still waiting for a response. 

He rubbed his eyes. 

“Are you okay?”

Oh. 

_ Oh _ . 

They had been talking to him. Not him to them. He rubbed his eyes, again, leaning against a couch. A different couch. The long one, against the wall in the living room. The couple didn’t have one like that. 

“Okay,” Sasuke replied, as he tried to do a head count. 

He could do this. There was, he realized, Naruto, sitting next to him, the one who must have pulled the hood over his eyes. There was Naruto’s grampa--Mr. Namikaze. Interesting name. Karin was sitting on the armrest, leaning against the wall; it must be cold. Her mom was at the table, pouring something steaming into a cup. A white cup, with a green frog in the middle of it, with a red hat, a Santa hat, part of the rim chipped away. There was something cold on his face. It was Mrs. Uzumaki--not her, obviously. Not her, just a wet towel. Everyone seemed. Awfully calmed. Not like there were murderers hanging around. Very nice. 

“Where’s your dad?”

“He’s coming.” It was Mr. Jiraiya Sir who answered. 

Sasuke assumed that he understood that he was asking for Mr. Uzumaki’s whereabouts, not Mr. Jiraiya Sir’s dad. That wouldn’t make sense. “Awesome.”

Maybe he closed his eyes. He couldn’t be sure. He focused back when he saw someone who looked like Naruto, but a little less dopey-looking. “Mr. Uzumaki.” He looked up. Most be him. It looked like him. He rubbed his eyes, like that would help him focus out of the haze forced by the pain. “I need to speak. Alone.” For some reason, they were alone. It didn’t smell like oranges anymore. In the living room. Nice. “Our neighbors are dead. I’m not sure if I am. I heard shots, I think, maybe fireworks. Something loud. Back in the woods. I’m not supposed to be there, not by myself, I know dad’s going to ground me, but there was nowhere else to run.”

“Thank you for sharing that, kiddo. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

He shook his head. “Jugo needs to. I’m fine.”

“Jugo is fine, he’s in the hospital. He wants company.”

Sasuke stood up. Mostly, by himself. But it was entirely possible that Mr. Uzumaki was supporting most of his weight. It was a bit emberassing. They were walking to the front door. “Bad people are coming, Mr. Uzumaki.” Clearing his throat sent fire up and down it, but it was okay. He nodded towards the house. “They need bodyguards.”

“I’m leaving four policemen, kiddo. They’re going to be okay.”

After Mr. Uzumaki strapped him into the car, Sasuke closed his eyes, not quite able to tell him that seatbelts didn’t help. Opened them. His chest hurt. He’d just been in the car, not too long, or too long ago, he couldn’t tell anymore, there was light now, and he could see. Hadn’t his eyes been closed? He rubbed his eyes. Or tried. He was tired. Or dead. Both, probably. 

\----

But he wasn’t dead. He wasn’t even injured, just had bruised ribs. And was exhausted, apparently. He felt exahsuted. And tired. And sore. It had been stupid to run after a car accident. Just as stupid as being kidnapped from a car accident. It was. Whatever. 

“Cost?”

His dad glanced up from the book. “No idea. Your brother is paying for it.”

Sasuke nodded, but his mind couldn’t help but remember what that voice said. He should have told Mr. Uzumaki, but he hadn’t seen him since the car, since his house, presumably. He’d only seen his dad and a doctor, and Jugo. With a broken arm. Jugo was nice, though, and let him doodle a dog on it. It wasn’t very good, but it was nice of him. The idea of his brother footing the bill for this was. Was kind of terrible. He couldn’t decide. But at least his dad wasn’t going to have to worry about it. So. So it couldn’t be  _ that _ terrible. 

“Where’s Getsu?”

“They wouldn’t let Urushi in, so he took him back to Itachi’s ranch.”

“Why not home?”

“Minato asked us not to go there.”

Sasuke couldn’t remember that conversation, but he’d been asleep. Passed out. High on pain medicaion, maybe. He didn’t know. Jugo handed him a green sharpie. “Do you want a cat?”

“You already did a cat.”

Oh. Funny. He could see it, in pink sharpie. Next to the dog. “What do you want?”

“A bird.”

“I don’t know how to draw birds.” He hardly knew how to draw anything, really. But definietly not birds. 

“It’s okay. You know I like birds.”

Sasuke knew that. He tried his best, although the peak was oversized. It could be a toucan. By the time the doctor, Dr. Saito, came in, there were two other toucans on Jugo’s cast, in different colors. Apparently, most of the checking-in with him happened while he was utterly out of it because the only thing that the doctor really told them was that he should rest, avoid extraneous exercise, and to remember not to take shallow breaths, as that could build mucus in the lungs and cause an infection. Sasuke would have thought a nurse could have relayed that message, but that’s what money bought someone, he supposed. Jugo and he were, apparently, very lucky. 

It was not really a word he would use to describe himself, or Jugo, if they. They were honest. But he appreicated the sentiment. They could have walked off with a lot more injuries. A concussion. Apparently, the only reason that Jugo had a broken arm was because he’d locked his hand on the steering wheel when it happened. Two policemen were waiting outside the room for them. And the man with the silver hair. The man--John. Mr. John. 

“Where’s Mr. Uzumaki, dad?” 

“Not sure,” Kakashi replied. Sasuke appreciated the arm around his shoulders, guiding to the elevator, apparently. “But I’m sure he’ll talk to you soon.”

Sasuke wasn’t ready for that. He trusted Mr. Uzumaki and--and he wasn’t sure how much he should believe a shadow telling him that his brother shouldn’t have taken Kabuto, whoever that was, although Sasuke had only heard that name once. From Itachi, himself, Kabuto--Kabuto something, the guy who mentored him as he became a doctor. Itachi had said that it was easily accessed and checked information. He didn’t know if Mr. Uzumaki had ever checked. 

His brother had also told him that he couldn’t tell him anything because if he told Mr. Uzumaki anything, Itachi would be forced to hurt him. And. And there was something bad about trusting people who clearly had a score to settle on someone--himself, or his brother. But. But. But. That man. Orochimaru. He’d been the one who told him about Itachi first, and about Mr. Namikaze, and. And. And that meant that bad people could tell the truth. 

“Dad, I’m hungry, I want tomatoes.”

When was the last time he said that? He might have told Mr. Uzumaki that months ago. It didn’t matter. 

“We have some at home,” Kakashi replied, walking towards a car that was decidedly not theirs. John went to the driver’s seat, but he was annoyingly hovering. “But we can grab some at the store, if you want? We’re going to the ranch first, and--” 

He shook his head. He needed to talk to him in  _ private _ . He didn’t mind Jugo listening, obviously, because he would just tell him and Suigetsu everything, but he couldn’t have anyone else listening. He needed to. He didn’t know what to do with the information. Not. It didn’t make sense, but it kind of made sense, and he didn’t want to think about it. He was tired. He didn’t care. He wasn’t like Naruto, he didn’t need to know everything, he didn’t want to. He was barely keeping it together not knowing anything. But. But. “I can wait until we get home. Won’t Itachi have some, anyway?”

Kakashi squeezed his shoulder, opening the door for him. “Maybe.” 

Jugo was already on the other side of the backseat, but Sasuke didn’t climb in until Kakashi was inside, too. It hurt too breathe, he realized when the car stopped at a red light. There was no one behind them, nothing behind them. Yet. Yet, the air seemed to be stuck somewhere far away from his lungs. Jugo was in the backseat, not the front seat, and he was in the backseat too, next to him, not driving shotgun. There was nothing behind them, and the light changed to green, and the car moved, but it still hurt to breathe. The next light, it hurt to breathe, too. The next one, Jugo was in the middle seat, a little closer and still not driving. The doors were locked this time. They should have locked the car doors that night, too.

He couldn’t remember much, except that it was disconcerting, and there was a loud bang. Somewhat shattering. He probably could remember more, but he was a coward and didn’t want to, but they should have locked the doors. 

Kakashi opened the door for him. Urushi jumped inside the car, his tail slapping Sasuke and Jugo on the faces. Sasuke mananged to close his mouth before anything could get inside his mouth. Suigetsu didn’t seem to care that it was hard to breathe, but Sasuke didn’t care either. It was good to see him, fine. Alive. 

“Where’s Itachi?” He asked, once they were inside. The place, it looked--it wasn’t the one he’d been before. It looked like stables, from the outside. But they weren’t any animals, just a kitchen, and three doors off to the side. 

“Fucking taking care of business, kid,” John said. “Said to make you feel at home. So there’s your dog,” he pointed at Urushi. “There’s the kitchen. And there’s your fucking dad.”

“Thank you, sir,” he said, glancing at Kakashi. He looked just like he looked whenever his staff meetings lasted longer than they should: politely murderous. 

Suigetsu grabbed him, “come on. Aren’t you tired?”

Sasuke let him drag him behind another door, that opened to another hallway, with three doors. They entered the second door, and it was another hallway, ending with stairs, they went down. 

No windows. It looked like a maze. It was well-lit, but it was cold, just like. Like the nights. And the woods, last night. Last night? He didn’t know. Hadn’t checked the date, didn’t have his phone. His mind focused on Urushi’s paws hitting the pavement, the little _tap_ _tap_s somewhat. Somewhat calming. “Getsu?”

Someone grabbed his shoulder. It was Jugo. Obviously. He could see, too, there was nothing scary about the hallways, other than the fact that there were too many and. And. And there were no windows. Not that windows were that great, but. But it was kind of. Suffocating. He was already having trouble breathing.

“I know,” Suigetsu replied. “It’s creepy. But don’t worry.” 

“Why does Itachi need so many rooms?”

Suigetsu shrugged. The hold on his shoulder tightened, but it was friendly. There was nothing bad about it, just Jugo. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t ask questions while you’re tired.”

“I’m not,” Sasuke mumbled, clearly lying. Following Suigetsu down  _ another _ hallway, but this time, it ended with a bedroom. There were four doors along, too, but the last door, at the end of the hallway was a bedroom. That had a bunk bed and another bed, pressed against the opposite wall. There were two dressers in between the beds. But there were no windows. “Please tell me that door there is--” 

“A bathroom,” Suigetsu said. 

Sasuke took a deep breath. The doctor said no shallow breaths, but it was somewhat difficult to breathe deeply. “The house doesn’t seem this big from the outside.” 

Jugo guided him to the bottom bunk bed. Sasuke sat down. Not because he was tired. He just. Maybe Jugo wanted to sit down, too. He wouldn’t know. The mattress was firm, like Kakashi’s. 

“I think it’s a bunker,” Suigetsu said, from the top bed, his head hanging over the rail. 

That would explain the lack of windows. “Why does--” 

“Maybe he’s seen too many zombie movies,” Suigetsu said. “He’s rich, right? So he has the money to hire people and to make this. Go to sleep, Sauce. We’ll be here. Kakashi’s room is next door. Do you want to shower?”

Sasuke didn’t even want to lay down. He wanted to go home. At least Urushi was there, on the other bed, but there, so it still counted. “I don’t have a change of clothes.”

“Sure you do. We all do,” Suigetsu waved at the dressers. “Don’t ask how anyone knows our sizes, though.”

Sasuke managed to focus on Suigetsu. “How long have you been here?” 

“It’s the 26 th .”

“Come on,” Jugo said, nudging him until he stood up, and then pulling the blankets off for him. “You should sleep. We’ll be here.”

The problem, though. Sasuke crawled under the blankets. Was that. That if he tried to sleep, he’d be on his back. Staring up. And. He couldn’t do that. Not yet. Not now. Not here. He sat up, biting back a wince. It was stupid, he would have thought after all the physically shit he’d gone through, some stupid bruised ribs wouldn’t hurt, but they did. “You said Kakashi was next door?”

“Yeah.”

Sasuke left the room, somehow letting them know that he was okay. He just. Closed the door behind him. It was stupid. And yet. The first door, the one on the right was another hallway. The hallways weren’t  _ long _ , but why were there so many? He closed it, taking a deep breath, feeling some pain, but the doctor said and he couldn’t go back to the hospital due to. To an infection. He went to the door on the left because that was the other  _ next door _ . Kakashi was sitting on the bed. Itachi was leaning against a wooden desk. They seemed to have been talking, but. But not that surprisingly, they seemed to stop just before Sasuke’s brain could register and. And understand any words. 

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke stopped looking at his brother in favor of turning his attention to Kakashi. His expression somewhat more approachable, more recognizable. He looked like the time when Sasuke had. That time that. That Orochimaru had. When they returned home. “I want to go home.”

“You can’t.”

“It’s not safe.”

Sasuke didn’t care who said what. It just sounded like they were ganging up on him. “ _ I want to go home _ .”

“You can’t. It’s not safe.” That was Kakashi. 

Sasuke turned to look at Itachi. “It’s not safe here either! They told me what you did.”

Itachi moved towards him. From the corner of his vision, he saw Kakashi standing up, moving closer, too. “Is this what you’re doing now? Listening to men who kidnapped you, who worked for the man who kidnapped you first? The man who murdered our entire family--”

“Orochimaru wasn’t lying. He didn’t lie about any--” 

“You’re being stupid, Sasuke.” 

He shoved him. “You’re being an asshole.”

Kakashi’s hand was on his shoulder. “Sasuke--” 

“You should be thanking me,” Itachi said. If only he could see anger in Itachi’s face, then maybe his words wouldn’t be so infriutating. “What else did Orochimaru tell you? If he told you the truth, he must have told you about how he was going to kill everyone you cared about. Naruto. Kakashi, your dog. You’re right, he didn’t lie. He would have killed all of them. Every lunatic who worshipped him is going to do the same thing. You want to go home? Go ahead. Enjoy seeing everyone you care about murdered, again.”

Sasuke shoved him. Harder, this time. “Fuck off.” He was going to punch him, but someone--Kakashi was holding his arm back, holding him back, like. Like he wanted to be there. He didn’t, Sasuke knew that. 

Itachi smoothed out his shirt, fixed his tie, as if Sasuke had messed it up that badly. “I know you’re stressed, I understand that, but you’re not the only one who’s stressed. We can talk about anything you want when you’re ready to act like a mature adult and when you’re ready to listen and keep your mouth shut, but until then, keep your hands off of me or someone may be inclined to retaliate and no one will like that, least of all you.”

Kakashi didn’t let go of him until they were alone in the bedroom and the door was closed. “Come on,” he said, guiding him to the bed.

“I want to go home.”

“Sit.”

Sasuke did, not at all excited to make Kakashi force him to sit. This mattress was firm too. “I--” 

“Want to go home, I know,” Kakashi said. “But it’s not--” 

“Safe, I know.” He rubbed his eyes. “I can’t stay here the rest of my life.” He. He supposed he assumed that if anyone was going to lock him up like this, it would have been his father, and in a tower, not his brother in a bunker. But it was the same thing. He couldn’t. 

“You’re tired, Sasuke. You need to rest, you’re hurt, and you’ve had too much adrenaline in your system lately. Are--” 

“I don’t want to sleep, I slept the whole time in the hospital--” 

“You were in the hospital for eight hours,” Kakashi said. “You need to rest so your body can heal--” 

“I can’t lay down.”

“On your side, Sasuke. You don’t have to be on your back.” Kakashi walked over to the dresser, next to the desk, also made out of wood, taking out a backpack and returning to sit next to him. Kakashi handed a bottle of pills to him, pain medication, he recognized the label from that. From the Halloween spectacle. “Here,” he said, handing him two granola bars and a banana. “Eat so you can take the pills. It’ll let you sleep on your side.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Kakashi turned to look at him, resting one leg on the bed. “You need to meet me somewhere, Sasuke--” 

“I want to go home.”

Kakashi sighed, grabbing one of the granola bars and ripping it open. “Itachi wasn’t joking, Sasuke. Clearly, people who want to hurt you know where your home is and evidently, I’m not letting you go back there until it’s safe--” 

“It’s...never--never going to be safe.”

“You’re never going back there, then,” Kakashi replied. “You need to eat.”

Sasuke took a bite, but no matter how much he wanted to. To swallow. He couldn’t, with his throat constricting. He spitted it out, shutting his eyes when Kakashi pulled him closer. Fuck. It hurt to cry, but it was stupid because it also felt good to cry. There wasn’t anything to cry about, not really, but he couldn’t stop. None even when his mind was too tired to provide any images that he couldn’t remember clearly, but he knew were there. 

Until the room faded. Faded away and he was back in those woods. In that house, with the couches, the lady’s grey hair still in a bun, the man still wearing his glasses. Their skin sunken into their bones. Sitting like they were enjoying the evening, the holiday, not. He ran, but the door was out of reach. He couldn’t run fast enough, couldn’t jump over the fence, couldn’t make it into the woods. It was those couches again. 

And again. 

Again.

He jerked awake, a sharp pain on his right side. 

“Nightmare. It’s okay, it was a nightmare.”

For some reason, he could not really focus on anything still, but he could tell that he wasn’t in that living room. There weren’t any couches. His cheeks were wet, but if he tried to wipe them off, then he’d have to let go of Kakashi’s arm and he couldn’t do that. Not right now. Physically, he couldn’t do it, wasn’t sure his hand would ever release their hold. It didn’t even matter because he was a whiny crybaby and would just start all over again. 

“I can’t do this.” The honesty in the words seemed to scratch his throat. 

“If you could do it as a little kid, you can do it now.”

Sasuke had no idea how his six...or seven-year-old self managed to do it, but he couldn’t help but hate him a little for just not. Dying. That fucking asshole, staying alive just. Just for this. “I don’t want to.”

“You have to.”

He knew that. He did. He couldn’t  _ not _ , but. But. He couldn’t. He was tired, he didn’t think he would ever be able to stop crying. And wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to stop. If he couldn’t die, then why couldn’t he just cry until he did? He should. There was nothing. Nothing else for him to do. “I can’t.”

“You will. There’s no other option.” 

Sasuke choked back a sob. “I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“I know. This month has been terrible, I know that, and I know you haven’t had time to heal properly from any of it, and your body is trying to deal with everything that has happened to you and that keeps happening to you. What you’re feeling right now is normal. You’ve been high-strung for a month, this crash is going to suck. I know that you know that in this state, your brain is not equipped to make these kinds of decisions.”

“If--if it’s so normal, then why aren’t you like this?”

“I imagine it’s because I wasn’t grabbed from a car accident, taken to our neighbors’ house, and then chased through the woods. Or maybe it’s because it doesn’t make sense for two people to be emotionally distressed at the same time; or perhaps, it’s because like you, I’ve spent most of my life pretending I don’t have feelings, but I have about sixteen years of practice more than you.”

“I’m so tired.”

“That’s the adrenaline crash.”

Sasuke choked on something--a sob or a chuckle, it was a toss up. “Serious.”

“Me too,” Kakashi said. “I thought it would happen at the hospital, or in the car. Minato said you were exceedingly calm when he took you to the hospital, but I thought it would at least happen with Jugo and Suigetsu. I didn’t think you would last this long.”

“If they see me crying like a stupid kid they’re never going to let me live it down and they are also going to do stupid things.”

“They sure are. If they got suspended because someone took your green dinasour, I’m sure the only reason one of them hasn’t tried to hunt anyone down is because they’re here; I know you don’t want to be here, but at least you know that it’s preventing them from going to jail,” Kakashi chuckled under his breath. “Did you like your Christmas present?”

Sasuke nodded. He knew why Kakashi had gotten it for them, because Suigetsu was going through a shit time, too. It was one of the only reason he’d actually wore it. “Yeah, but it’s at home.”

“Suigetsu took it--” 

“So  _ he _ is allowed--” 

“No. No. Before we left. While I was putting Urushi in the car, he went upstairs and took it.”

Sasuke sighed, shifting a little around to wipe his face. “I guess it’s a good thing you guys didn’t go to the hospital, or else he would have been wearing that shark--” 

“You really think he has that level of self-consciousness?”

Seconds later, Sasuke had to shake his head. Suigetsu hadn’t taken his off. Sasuke had, but only because he was rushing to his bedroom to get his emergency backpack, too, and he had the sweater and shorts underneath it, anyway. But. But. But. It was a good thing he took it off, because he probably--if. If. He would have died, and they would have found him like that, and he would have died again from sheer emberassment. 

“Oh, and Sasuke? You don’t have to do any of this alone.”


	33. Chapter 33

“I take it that I’m not the only thing around here falling apart.”

Itachi closed the door. Strictly speaking, he shouldn’t be here, but strictly speaking, none of this should have happened. He’d only been there once, on the night he found out that Orochimaru had taken his brother; he’d lost control that night, and for a few hours, watching Kabuto bleed had brought sickening satisfaction to him. The room had a tall ceiling, one that made the straightjacket somewhat unecessary considering his shoulders were dislocated sometime ago. For information, though Kabuto had proven to be tight-lipped and stubborn, more than Itachi anticipated or would have liked. 

Now, he was visiting him again, but this time, it was out of necessesity, instead of pleasure. True, he wasn’t the best at improvisation, but he was the best at pretending he had everything under control. Wasn’t the first step to success visualization? He pulled up a chair closer to the bed, avoiding the straightjacket by staring at Kabuto’s face, somewhat broken and bloodied, but still recognizable. “Has their depersonalization routine finally worked on you? Referring to yourself as a thing?”

Kabuto tried to move. “No.”

“Shame.”

“Why? Have you finally realized that this was a bad idea?”

When he was younger, Itachi would hear people whispering that he was too emotionless to carry out comfortable and normal conversation with anyone, but it had been a particular characteristic that kept him alive for...this. Perhaps it wasn’t much of a quality, then, but the logistics were peculiar and he had other things to worry about. “Which part are you referring to?”

“I told you. Orochimaru didn’t care for anyone, but a lot of people cared about him. How long do you expect it to take for one of them to decide that they’d much rather kill Sasuke than toy with him?”

Normally, Itachi would say that he didn’t care about Sasuke, and those words had once saved his life, but even an idiot would see them as lies now. They were in this mess  _ because _ he cared about his brother. The irony of which wasn’t lost on him, considering how much Sasuke hated him, something that had been necessary to keep him safe, but now he was, once again, traumatized and here, something that Itachi would have rather gone his entire life without having to see. “Considering that they all loved Orochimaru, I imagine it’ll take them a few years to finally get the courage to do so.”

“Have to say, Itachi, you’re underestimating a lot of them.”

“If I’m underestimating them, then Orochimaru must have been overestimating them. Was he?”

“Your interrogation skills need work.”

“Forgive me,” Itachi said. “I find that I don’t have the stomach for the more persuasive methods.”

“No. That’s why you have friends.” Kabuto huffed, “or is that why they have you? You know, for someone so apalled by Orochimaru, you sure have a funny way of showing it.”

“Why? Have you recently heard any of your visitors mention that they are killing for organs and selling kids for sex?”

“As opposed to killing for money,” Kabuto replied. “The truth is, any person would kill for something important to them. Take you, for example, you’d kill to keep your brother safe. I doubt it’s his real name, but Pain would kill for what, I’ve come to find out, he actually believes is world peace. Big dreams, for a murderer, but maybe he had a very good kindergarten teacher who sold him on the importance of dreams. Has he started blackmailing you with Sasuke? I mean, at this point, it would be far easier to rebrand Uchiha Inc. and use someone else to lead it, himself for example, instead of wasting resources and money on keeping your baby brother safe, to make you happy and cooperative. You realize that that you’re in the exact same position that Fugaku would have been in if he hadn’t been an idiot and cared about your family, or at the very least your mother?”

Itachi knew that one day his expressionless face would be valuable, and that day, was today. “Interesting theory, but a couple of things. We don’t kill for money, we have money, especially now. Sasuke will remain safe, even if he has to stay here for the rest of his life, and I will continue to be cooperative with something that doesn’t particularly interest me, I supposed, but for what I am genuinly more than happy to help.”

“You honestly think keeping your brother safe involves leaving him underground for the rest of his life?”

“I do, that’s why he’s here.” Itachi leaned back on his chair. The truth was that he would rather not think that, but Kabuto didn’t need to know that. Besides, he wouldn’t have to stay here for his entire life, just long enough to wipe Orochimaru’s devotees off the planet; Kisame, Hidan, and Sasori were diligent hardworkers. “It surprises me that after all we’ve been through, Kabuto, you don’t believe that.”

“Just perplexed at your fluid morality, that’s all. Your brother’s going to hate you, if only because he won’t be able to see his cute boyfriend, whom we all know, he loves so, so endearingly much; first loves are like that I--” 

“I’m baffled that you think I care whether or not Sasuke likes or hates me. I don’t. If it kept him safe, I would break both of his legs and watch him crawl as I whip him back to his room.” 

He would not, of course, but his previous actions and his general disposition could suggest that he would do something like that and Itachi needed to distance himself from his brother, in this room, in front of Kabuto. Not to mention that it would require a stronger stomach, though he honestly didn’t think Kisame would agree to do that, either--he’d developed somewhat of a fondness towards Sasuke since he apparently offered him half a tuna sandwich and called him Mr. Hoshigaki.

“Does he know that?”

“He probably does,” Itachi said. Especially with that vague threat in Kakashi’s room. Unfortunately, he had been serious; Nagato was peculiar about keeping his face unharmed. “But if not, I imagine he’s going to find out quickly enough, if he’s foolish enough to try to leave.” 

“Exactly then, how are you different from Orochimaru?”

Hurting his brother was Orochimaru’s reality. Itachi had been utterly annoyed that Minato killed him because it made it that much difficult to deal with the aftermath, but the annoyance was never matched by his relief that he’d gotten there in time, presumably in time--of course, he didn’t know if anything had happened. He doubted that Sasuke would tell him anything, understandably so; he should have another talk with Kakashi. “Well, I’m not actually hoping to have sexual relations with my brother; that’s disgusting.” He would call it rape, but that might actually make him physically throw up. It would be difficult to compose himself afterwards. 

“So no sexual gratification, but beating him up is fine? I guess that would explain why Kakashi is still alive.”

Kakashi was still alive because despite his frequent stupidity over the past months, he’d actually managed to take care of Sasuke for years and Itachi wasn’t entirely sure Sasuke wouldn’t actually kill himself if he lost anyone he cared about, especially Kakashi. Or his dog. Or Naruto. His brother had fortunately not tried to murder his emotions quite like he had done himself, though picking people who could defend themselves better would have been useful. Suigetsu, for example, could use a knife like no one’s business, at least. Itachi continued to be baffled that a cop couldn’t teach his son how to shoot a gun. “It does.”

“Have you asked him what Fugaku told him to get him to beat him up that badly?”

“No,” Itachi replied. His father had turned off every single camera in his office for that meeting, and it drove Itachi mad. It was entirely possible that the meeting hadn’t even taken place in the office. He didn’t think anything useful had happened during it, but if it had, maybe it would have prevented a couple of things. “But if I had, I wouldn’t be telling you, would I?”

“Why not? What other person is better to tell than a dead man? I know we were both pretending to care, but we did used to be friends, didn’t we?”

“Sure,” Itachi nodded. Until he found out Kabuto was dissecting children for Orochimaru. “As friends, of course, you understand that I can’t let you go, although I would like to, but I don’t think you have the power to call people off the hunt for my brother, but if you tell me some of their names, I’ll kill you and you can stop suffering, and I’ll set up a scholarship foundation in your memory. You are a brilliant--” 

“I can take the bullet off of your brother’s back. Whatever you do, however many people you find, there’s always going to be someone else. It’s what happens when you create a power vaccuum, Itachi.”

Itachi hadn’t created it. Minato had. “I can’t let you go. You know where Sasuke is now, and I don’t actually have another one of this just laying around, unused.” Though that would be useful. 

“What am I going to do? Drop a bomb?” Kabuto’s eyes trailed up to the ceiling, fiberglass and steel, although he couldn’t move his head. “Sasuke’s untouchable here, you know that. That’s why he’s here. Unless you’re not serious when you say that you would keep him here for--” 

“Uchiha.” Kisame had been calling him that for the past weeks, to get him used to it, apparently. Itachi was sure it was just to make fun of him; although, generally speaking, his last name was better to The Weasel. “It’s time to eat.”

Itachi stood up, pushing the chair back against the wall. “Think about it,” he said with one last glance at Kabuto before following Kisame out of the room. He turned the key and shoved it in his backpocket. “Time to eat?”

“I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell you that Sasori is here, but your baby brother refuses to speak to either of them. He says he’ll only speak with Mr. Uzumaki. Do you think anyone has told him that his real name--” 

“I did,” Itachi said. “Has Minato at least send his family away?”

“How am I to know?”

“Wouldn’t Sasori know?” 

“Don’t know, haven’t actually talked to him, just saw him in the security feeds. It would be a little suspicious if I talked to him, wouldn’t it?”

Itachi nodded, as they headed upstairs. He hadn’t meant to talk with him out of the open, but he’d been hoping the two of them were communicating. Kisame stepped inside his bedroom, no doubt to keep an eye on them through the cameras. He could breathe easier when he was above ground, walking away from the barn and to the house, halting in the hallway. He hadn’t seen Sasori wearing a suit in years, but if possible, he looked even younger, like he was barely eighteen. Unsettling, but he couldn’t be too judgemental.

Kakashi was standing by the couch, and Sasuke’s friends were sitting on either side of him. Itachi liked them. Jugo was calm and quiet, and he reminded him a little of himself, when he was younger, when Sasuke was still a baby. Suigetsu, of course, could potentially defend himself and that was a win in Itachi’s book. 

“You can at least confirm your name,” Sasori said, his expression just as blank as his own. 

Sasuke shook his head, “I’m only talking to Mr. Uzumaki.”

“He’s on his way,” Sasori’s partner was saying. Itachi couldn’t remember the name, he didn’t care too much, only cared that he wasn’t the sharpest person on the block. “But in the meantime--” 

“No.” Sasuke sounded like he’d been crying. Expected, but unfortunate. Itachi walked into the living room, walking past Sasori like they were strangers. 

“Mr. Namikaze has been deemed too--” 

“Hey.” That was Suigetsu. “It doesn’t matter. Sasuke isn’t talking to either of you, so just stop asking.” 

“Son, we--” 

“Son?” Suigetsu huffed. “You look old enough to be my  _ younger _ brother.”

Itachi would have laughed, if he did stuff like that, but he caught Sasuke’s lips quirking up. 

Someone else would have frowned, but Sasori’s face remained frozen. “Regardless--” 

“I’m not talking to either of you, sir. Sirs. But thank you for your concern.”

When everyone told him that his baby brother was exceedingly polite and that he should take notes from him, he’d assumed it had been a jibe at the way he’d lost certain pleasanties over the past months, but they were right. Sasuke  _ was _ polite. He’d always been a polite kid, of course, somewhat shy, somewhat anxious, always eager. A sweet kid. Their parents used to say that Sasuke was the purest kid in the world. 

Sasori and his partner shared a look, as if they were utterly inconvenienced by being there. Itachi almost believed it. 

“Alright, son--” 

“Don’t call me that, sir,” Sasuke replied, his tone somewhat less polite. 

Sasori smiled. “Right. Alright, Sasuke, we will wait for Mr. Namikaze to arrive.”

Sasuke looked down at Jugo’s cast, taking a sharpie from him, and beginning to doodle something that was too small for Itachi to see properly. By his hand movements, it looked it could be a pig or cow, with a long tails, and perhaps, wings. They waited for almost an hour, waiting for Minato Namikaze to turn up. 

He finally did, not dressed for the occassion, looking like he’d walked out of his bed, instead of work. Itachi opened the door for him, keeping his eyes on Sasuke, watching the way his muscles seemed to relax and his expression softened, just like it used to whenever their mom allowed him to help cook Sunday dinner. All that was missing to sent him down memory lane was Sasuke’s puffing his cheeks out in fake indignation. 

“Alone,” Sasuke said, before anyone else could say anything else..

“No.” That was Sasori’s partner. “He’s not in charge of this investigation.” 

Minato seemed like he hadn’t slept for a day or so, but he had to have some common sense and send his family away. Itachi would have had them here, too, but that might be considered overkill, and he was not sure that he wanted to have Naruto snooping around. Sasuke might be easily persuaded to keep his mouth closed when it came to certain unsavory aspects, but Naruto would likely not. 

“I don’t care.”

“Sasuke, if we could be in the room, it would go a long way--” 

He crossed his arms. “No. Please leave.”

Itachi watched them leave the room, seeing them through a window, hovering in view. When he turned his attention away from them, he found his brother staring at him. As if he didn’t want him there. Itachi matched his stare, until Sasuke looked down. Itachi turned his attention to Kakashi, but besides the general stress of the entire situation, he could not read him. 

“Thanks for coming, Mr. Uzumaki,” Sasuke said, capping the sharpie. 

“Of course, kiddo,” Minato replied, crouching down, presumably to get a better look at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.” He cleared his throat, like he was trying to wipe away the need to cry. “Is everyone okay?”

Minato nodded. “They’re in Lake Tahoe, they’re okay.”

Sasuke leaned back on the couch, a faint smile on his face that made him look like he was about to cry; or maybe that was the way that he always looked now. “That’s good. Uh, sorry to make you come, but I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t know what they want to talk about anyway.”

Itachi moved to lean against the wall, to get a better look at them. He caught the look that Minato sent Kakashi. Itachi let it go, figuring that it was shared worried about their sons than anything dangerously stupid. Maybe Kakashi couldn’t appreciate the amount of effort that he’d put to stop Nagato from properly threatening his life, or the amount of energy it took to get Hidan to stop beating him up. It was alright, though; he didn’t mind going underappreciated, as long as Kakashi could keep his mouth closed. 

“Well,” Minato began, “if you think you can, it would be helpful to hear what happened, from your perspective. Do you think you could do that for me, kiddo?”

He was so utterly patient that Itachi  _ would _ like him if he was a bit more morally flexible and was not a cop. 

“Yeah,” Sasuke glanced at him, before turning his attention back to Minato. “Uh, I left with Jugo. We were driving and...and there. There was a stop light. It was red. And. Someone crashed. I don’t know. They dragged me out of the car, and. And put me in another one.” His brother looked like he was watching bad memories, staying quiet for a few minutes. “They said Karin and Naruto were walking past, but--but I didn’t look at them. They said they were going to kill them if they saw me. But they didn’t. And--and. They dragged me out of the car, once we were inside the garage, but I couldn’t see much, it was dark. They must have taken me upstairs. But. And then, they took me back downstairs, and. They were dead. I must have climbed the fence, I guess. It was dark, and I tripped a bit, but...it must have been dark for them, too.” He chewed his lower lip. “I think I blinded one of them. It--it wasn’t an accident and I shouldn’t have, but...they had guns. And. I ran. I didn’t mean to go to your house, Mr. Uzumaki, I know it was stupid, but I--I wasn’t thinking straight, obviously, and I just wanted to make sure they...were okay.” 

Sasuke had always been the more emotional of the two of them, and Itachi couldn’t deny that he’d his own moments of weaknesses; clearly, he did, or else they wouldn’t be in this mess. Hearing his little brother talking about going to check on people he cared about while criminals chased him was a new level of complete stupidity, however. He had been young when they were taught what to do in hostage situations--not that it did anyone any good--but he would have thought he would have at least understood that checking in on his boyfriend’s family was  _ dumb _ . 

Almost as dumb as Itachi playing a bluffing game with Orochimaru. He was still unsure on who had won. 

“They are okay, kiddo. They’re fine. Can you tell me what happened when you got there?”

“I--I don’t know. I think...your dad opened the door, I...” Sasuke’s cheeks turned a faint shade of red. “I might have called him Mr. Jiraiya Sir. Maybe not. I don’t know. I...I think Karin’s mom made tea, but I don’t know if I drank it. I don’t know if it was for me. And--and then you were there.”

“You did drink the tea,” Minato replied. “And my dad opened the door. Can you remember anything else?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Should I?”

“It’s okay,” he replied. Itachi had to hand it to him, even his voice made him feel trustworthy. “Did those men tell you anything, kiddo?”

Sasuke glanced at him before looking at Kakashi. “Uh. No. Nothing. I don’t remember.”

“Sasuke, you can trust me.”

He looked like he was having a rather elaborate internal battle. “They...I threw a rock at one of them after he said that...are they still out there, Mr. Uzumaki?”

“We found them dead.”

Maybe the local police wasn’t as incompetent as previously demonstrated. Itachi took a small breath to level out his annoyance. If he had not seen it coming, how would they have seen it coming? Itachi was hoping that the target was on his own back, and speeding up the press conference had been a way to presumably allow Sasuke to have a few relaxing days at the end of the year. Searching out the venue for potential exploding devices and needing to pretend like it was the first time he heard about his baby brother possibly being alive forced him to lose focus. When he collected himself, he’d called Naruto, and then talked to Minato. So, he couldn’t be too unfair with the local police, if he’d also been a fool. 

“Did I kill them?”

“No. It seems that one of them killed the other and the other one committed suicide. You didn’t kill them, it’s okay. Do you remember anything else they said?”

“They...” he shook his head. “I don’t remember. Sorry, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Sasuke, you can trust me. You know that, right?”

Itachi was starting to feel the need to interrupt or step in, but if he ever wanted to find out what his brother would do in front of Minato, this was a good a chance as any. 

“They said they would hurt Naruto and Mrs. Uzumaki like--like how they hurt my mom.”

To his credit, Minato’s shoulders didn’t clench, and his face remained as calm and approachable as if he hadn’t just heard that now, criminals were after his son and wife, too. “Thank you for telling me, kiddo, I really appreciate it. I know it’s not easy to remember words like that.”

Sasuke, also to his credit, seemed to understand the implications of those words. “I’m sorry Mr. Uzumaki--” 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” Minato didn’t sound like he was lying, nor did he sound patronizing. Itachi could start to see why his brother would like him so much.

“I don’t want to be here--” 

“Sasuke, we talked about this.” For a moment, Kakashi sounded just like their father would sound, and for a second, Sasuke looked down just as he would. Under fdifferent circumstances, Itachi would have yelled at him, but he appreciated his ability to keep Sasuke in line, at least. Though, he wished he didn’t. 

Minato, it seemed, had managed to stop looking at his brother. “Kakashi--” 

“No,” he replied. “We know it’s not safe out there, and we did talk about it, and the answer is still no, Sasuke.”

Sasuke nodded, because he was that kind of kid, but Suigetsu, evidently was not. “Well, you can’t really blame him, can you? No offense, Itachi, but it’s a little claustrophobic. Plus, it’s your fault. What kind of security did you have for someone to...mention Sasuke like that in front of cameras?”

“And why wouldn’t ithe transmission cut quicker?”

Itachi was not aware that Jugo could sound so loud. “We had great security...I just didn’t anticipate something like that. The address wasn’t communicated; in fact, I’m starting to think that they just did that as a pleasentry--” 

“Oh,” Minato stood up, turning to face him. “Yeah, real pleasant thing they did. Do you ever stop to hear what you say? Becauses it doesn’t look like you do.”

Maybe Sasuke was so easily riled up because he was spending so much time with Minato. He definietly was not acquiring that...characteristic from Kakashi. “I do. I simply don’t have time to consider the way that people might perceive them--” 

“You should--” 

“I don’t care to,” Itachi replied. Generally, he did; but Minato was supposed to be good at his job, which meant that the more time he spent around him, the more time Minato might have to...understand more than he should. Itachi simply couldn’t run the risk of him finding out that they were only better than Orochimaru because they hadn’t fallen down the slippery slope yet. It boiled down to perpetuating a more aggresive mask than he would like, even if it meant hurting his brother, too. Sasuke would understand, if he knew that he was just doing all of this to keep him safe. Itachi liked Nagato, but he knew that if he was pushed into a corner, he would kill anyone, except Sasuke. But that wouldn’t account for Sasuke killing himself. “I meant that if they were next door to both of you, then clearly, they already knew where Sasuke was, and didn’t need to wait for a walking corpse to tell them. It was a warning, more than a threat.”

“A warning?” Suigetsu stood up from the couch, though Sasuke seemed to be putting a great amount of energy to make him seat down. “Your brother was hunted down and you don’t think that’s a--” 

He shut up when Jugo and Sauske managed to make him sit down. Though Itachi caught ‘stupid, older brothers’ out of his mouth. He couldn’t be mad because Suigetsu wasn’t exactly wrong. 

“Regardless, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “You have to be here and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

“I--” 

“Kakashi, that’s not--” 

“Minato, I know you care about him, but I don’t tell you how to raise your son, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t either.”

“I will tell you how to raise your kid as long as you’re being insensitive to him.” 

“Sasuke, you need to rest. All three of you, in fact.”

Jugo stood up first, followed by Sasuke, who looked like he wanted to blurt out a thousand apologies to everyone in the room, but instead, left the room. Suigetsu glared at them, walking backwards out of the room, presumably to continue glaring at them.

Itachi had been in enough standoffs to last a lifetime, this one was nothing special, but if he was less accostumed to them, he might have wanted to walk away, too, considering the way that both men were staring at each other, like they didn’t think the other one was an idiot, but like they wouldn’t mind exchanging a few choice words. 

“If you touch him, I’m arresting you.”

What would Sasuke do if he ever heard that? Probably have a panic attack.

Kakashi’s jaw was clenched. “You should go debrief those poor agents, still waiting outside.”

Minato looked like he had another thousand choice words left in him, but without another word, he left. Itachi watched as he talked to Sasori and the other one, though most of his attention was still on Kakashi. 

“Sasuke is going to cry.”

Kakashi didn’t move. “He’ll cry more if he says something inappropiate to Minato and one of you is...forced,” he spitted out the word. “To kill him, won’t he?”

“Probably,” Itachi said, keeping the surprise away from his voice and face. He hadn’t expected that, taking care of Sasuke and Minato all at the same time. He should, perhaps, be giving Kakashi a little more credit. “Tough spot you’re on,” he said. “I guess doing it once makes everyone else believe that you can do it a million more times.”

“I’m not.”

Itachi raised an eyebrow, “you should. If push comes to shove, I’m sure anyone, even Minato, would prefer Sasuke to be beaten than murdered.”

“With your ability to talk about Sasuke like a piece of meat, anyone would question how much you care about him. Would make anyone sick.”

It made him sick, too. 


	34. Chapter 34

It still hurt to lay down, with the bruised ribs and all, but at least he could pet Urushi, who seemed to be just as tired as he was. Suigetsu said he played fetch in the ranch, so it...it made sense. 

“I can steal Kakashi’s keys and we can leave.”

Sasuke paused mid-scratch. Urushi seemed to protest with a frozen tail. He shook his head, “it’s okay. He’ll flip.” As in, either his brother or Kakashi would flip. Both, at the same time. It was. It was not something that he wanted to deal with. Not really. What would do they do, if they found out before they could leave? More importantly, what would they do once they found him? 

“So, what? That’s better than being a prisoner here, isn’t it?”

Sasuke shook his head, beginning to scratch Urushi’s tummy again. It was. But--but he couldn’t. It wasn’t right, and he was supposed to be better than running away. He--he’d already tried that, once, and. And it ended badly. “When are you guys leaving?”

Jugo sat down by his feet. “I was planning on taking a leave of absence, for the semester.”

“And my parents don’t want me there right now,” Suigetsu shrugged. “Kakashi said he didn’t mind and...anyway. Why? Are you trying to get rid of us?”

He’d been so focused on himself that he hadn’t figured out Suigetsu’s family situation. He was an awesome friend, clearly.

“Of course not. I’m not.” A little--not. Not because he didn’t like their company, or wanted it, or needed it. Just because he. He already put the Uzumakis in danger, and Jugo already had a broken arm because of him. He couldn’t put them in more danger. It wasn’t fair. “Are you sure you want to leave college for a whole semester?”

“Yes,” Jugo replied, without missing a beat, without. Without really considering that he was essentially agreeing to stay underground for months, at least. “If that’s alright.”

It wasn’t, but. But he was an asshole, so he nodded. If Sasuke had to pause his life, it. It didn’t mean that everyone else had to do that, too. But they were, because. Because he just had that effect on people. He turned his attention back to Urushi. At least he was alive. That was something--not much, but something. “Do you know where my phone is?”

“Mr. Uzumaki took it. I think he gave it to Kakashi afterwards, but I’m not sure.”

“There’s no signal down here, anyway,” Suigetsu said, like he was reading his mind.

He probably was, Sasuke decided, and if he wasn’t, it just meant that he was incredibly predictable. “Right. We’re underground.”

“You wouldn’t be able to text anyone.”

They were right, of course. He wasn’t. When Kakashi gave him his phone back, there was no signal, and nothing much he could do. He tried texting Naruto above ground, too, when they played with Urushi, watching him chase a tennis ball, but there was still no signal. Remote area, apparently. It didn’t matter. 

The last time he saw Mr. Uzumaki, days ago, he had said that Naruto was in Lake Tahoe, no doubt where it was snowing now. Naruto always went on and on about the snow, that he must be having fun playing with it, so it was a good thing that his phone wasn’t working, or else he could. Could ruin Naruto’s first experience in the snow. It wouldn’t be very nice of him. Even if he only wished that he could hear Naruto’s voice, if only so he would be able to sleep.

If he thought the insomnia was bad before, it was. Was nothing compared to it. It was hard, not having anything to do now. Just tossing Urushi a tennis ball, numbingly waiting for more tears to fall, and been just slightly terrified that they never came. Worrisome, except. Except it felt good not being able to cry anymore. At least he could wipe out “crybaby” from the list of his many shortcomings. Just to replace it with insomniac. It was fine. At least, when he was half-asleep the entire day, the world was dulled and boring, and nothing made too much of a difference. Half asleep, the nightmares weren’t nightmares, just an extension of the previous day. 

He couldn’t be bothered to tell anymore, but. But it looked like it was dawn, the sun barely peeking through, the sky somewhat of a faint orange hue. Urushi didn’t mind the hour, though, not. Not having a preference for either day or night, much like himself. The time didn’t matter, throwing a ball was just the same. 

“Are you cold?”

He didn’t recognize the voice. It didn’t matter, though. He turned around, finding. He didn’t know who he was, couldn’t be sure he ever learned the name, but it was the man with the orange hair and the nose piercings. 

He shook his head, picking up the ball and tossing it again. “No, sir. I’m alright. Are you?”

The man took a step closer to him, taking a deep breath. Sasuke watched his chest expand. “No. I like the cold, it helps me think, even when I can’t sleep and my mind is hazy.”

Sasuke nodded, not sure what to say to that; maybe because. Because he was too tired to think of something to say. It didn’t matter. Urushi was back with the ball, and he took that as an excuse to toss it again. He couldn’t talk and play fetch at the same time, not anymore. 

“How have you been?”

Urushi seemed to be having trouble finding the ball. It was okay. He was a smart dog. He’ll find it, eventually. “Good, thank you, sir. Yourself?”

He sighed, “I won’t lie, it’s been difficult watching your brother be as stressed as he is. He’s trying his best to make sure it’s safe for you out there, once and for all, before school starts again on Monday. He’s having some trouble, though, as you can imagine.”

Sasuke could imagine. He hadn’t seen Itachi in a while, not since. Not since he last saw Mr. Uzumaki, when those agents came to talk to him and he was. Was being a brat, not talking to them. But he’d assumed that he simply wouldn’t go back to school. “I thought I wasn’t going to go back to school.”

“Itachi cares too much about your education to not want you to go back. He’s doing his best so you can. You deserve a normal life, don’t you, Sasuke? You’ve--” 

“So does Itachi,” Sasuke mumbled. 

“Well, sure, but I think we both know that’s not possible,” the man said. “It can’t go both ways, right? I guess I wouldn’t know, I don’t have any siblings.”

It wasn’t. The man was right. There was something to be said about Itachi being forced to give up his life for Sasuke’s life and. And it wasn’t right. He thought about that before, hadn’t he? Sometime ago, what felt like years, he’d been. He’d been angry at himself for wanting to find his brother just to take the company. But Itachi wanted it. Itachi had wanted the company, hadn’t he? It was the first thing he really told Sasuke, that he would like to take over the company. Sasuke remembered the gratitude overflowing his body because he hadn’t even brought it up himself. 

“I was an only child for awhile, too,” Sasuke said. For a decade, really. Maybe that’s why it became so easy to become so selfish, so fast. 

“But before that, you were Itachi’s little brother,” the man said. “I guess it’s different since he always knew that you were alive, but you never did, until now, I mean, of course.”

Itachi had never really told him why he had stayed so far away for so long. But. But if this happened when they were close to each other, then. Then it did make sense. Or maybe it happened because Sasuke cared too much about people. Because he was selfish, if he. If he cared for them, then, he would find a way to stop putting them in danger. The only thing he could think about doing was killing himself, though. But. But--but that would probably make at least one person sad, and. And that might be counterproductive. 

He couldn’t do that to them. Besides, Kakashi told him once that--that if something happened to him, and people couldn’t get to him anymore, they would still hurt everyone he cared about. He said that when Sasuke saw him again, after running away, and it had been to stop him from running again, but. But maybe Kakashi had it wrong. It should have been to make him stay. If he could just stay, properly. Then, then. Then. Then, maybe he would paint a target on his back big enough to stop everyone else from getting hurt. Of course--of course, it would be easier to turn himself in. Properly, this time, not running away, not half-blinding someone, not being an idiot about going to visit another family and putting them at risk. 

But he didn’t know where those people were. 

And. And, historically, he’d been a coward. Was. Was a coward. 

But. But for a decade, it had worked for his father, getting rid of both sons, so. So maybe there was something to be said about pretending that there weren’t any people left in the world for whom to care. 

Kakashi could take Urushi. Could even take Suigetsu for awhile, to keep each other company. Sasuke picked up the tennis ball, looking down on it before tossing it again. Jugo could return to school, not take that leave of absence, not miss out on an entire semester. The Uzumakis could go back to their lives and forget about ever meeting him, like normal people could forget about a bad dream. Eventually, he too would be able to wake up and forget about everything, like the way normal people forgot about a good dream. 

“Until now,” he heard himself say. But--but if he turned himself in, then. Then, they would worry, wouldn’t they? He couldn’t kill himself, and couldn’t turn himself in. Was there anything left to do? He couldn’t even cry anymore. “I get it now. Why he didn’t want to see me before.”

It was dangerous. Sasuke, like an idiot, had gone and gotten attached to too many defenseless people, and if Itachi got close to him, all of those people would have been hurt. Were hurt. Were being hurt. Would be. Hurt. 

“He always wanted to, but he couldn’t protect you. I guess you must think he’s stupid because he has, clearly, not protected you very well, now, either, but he’s tried.”

That wasn’t Itachi’s fault. That was his own fault. He knew that. Everyone should know that. But. But for some reason, he seemed absolved of those consequences. Everyone seemed to forget that they were suffering because of him. “He has. Itachi has done the best he could, but...” 

But it was impossible to protect him. It was about time that Sasuke protected everyone else, and himself. But. But first everyone else. He could do that. Would have to. Maybe not as Sasuke Hatake, but...but maybe Sasuke Uchiha could. 

“But?”

“But I should be able to protect myself, too.” He should. He had to. He had nothing else to give, but that. That also meant he had nothing else to lose--but other people did. He couldn’t let them die, couldn’t let them get hurt. He had to try, at the very least. “I know that I said I wouldn’t fight Itachi for the company, and I won’t, but--but if I could just be Sasuke Uchiha, then they’ll have to come after me, won’t they? Sasuke Hatake cares about people, but Sasuke Uchiha has gone a decade without caring for anyone--” 

“Absolutely not, Sasuke,” the man said, slowly, deliberately. “It would just put a target on your back--” 

“But I would be here. And it would be on my back, not on anyone else’s, and--and it would be easy to keep me safe. I could have bodyguards, but people’s anger could be redirected at me. No one else would get hurt.”

“No one’s going to let you do that, Sasuke--” 

“I don’t care!” His breath hitched. Almsot like he would cry. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Physically, he could not and emotionally, he would not. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, if they’re trying to hurt me, then they wouldn’t be hurting anyone else.”

“True...” 

“And I wouldn’t take the company. I don’t care for it. But besides keeping everyone safe, it would--would make a compelling story. The publicity alone could get more people investing in Uchiha Inc., and I know it’s fine, and it’s not in financial trouble, but a sweet, reunion story could sell for millions.” That thought seemed to turn his stomach. But. But he could do this. He had to, there was nothing else for him. 

“Also true, but no one’s going to let you do that. What are you doing to tell Itachi? Kakashi? Even Mr. Namikaze--” 

“I’m going to tell them that if it’s not okay with them, then I will look for all those people who want to hurt me and I’m going to let them do whatever they want to do with me.”

“How are you going to find them?”

Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets. In the sweater. It would have to go, Sasuke wouldn’t be strong enough to keep wearing Naruto’s favorite sweater. “All of you have been trying to find them, right? But I’m sure that if I return to Kakashi’s house and wait there for a bit, some of them are bound to show up.”

“I don’t know, Sasuke...” 

“I don’t care.” He shook his head. He didn’t even know how he’d gotten into this conversation topic with the man, he wasn’t even sure who he was, but--but. But he had been right, the cold did let him think better too, even sleep deprived. “I don’t care what you have to say. I don’t care about anything that anyone else has to say. This is the best option. For everyone.”

“You’re going to have a hard time convincing anyone of that--” 

“They’ll come around,” Sasuke said.

\---

He knocked on the door, turning the knob, feeling his throat clench, though it was stupid because he couldn’t cry. He was long passed that. And yet. Watching Kakashi tossing a ball in the air, Urushi catching in a second later...it. It made it somewhat difficult to breathe. It shouldn’t be. He had some days to go over the conversation in his head, ever since that morning with. With that man, the gentleman, or whoever.

“Want to toss it?”

Sasuke shook his head, moving to sit next to him. Watching him toss it again. And again. He cleared his throat, ignoring the hurt. He bit back the ‘dad’ because he couldn’t do that. Not anymore. Not again. He couldn’t do that to himself, and. And he couldn’t do it to Kakashi, either. “Are you busy?” 

Kakashi shook his head. “What’s up?”

He couldn’t tell him. All the arguments weren’t. Wouldn’t work. Maybe Sasuke didn’t want them to work, not while he was sitting next to Kakashi, watching as Urushi caught balls in the air. “Just wanted to apologize for being such a brat lately--” 

“You weren’t--” 

“I was.” Sasuke cleared his throat, moving his head away from Urushi’s tongue. “And I’m sorry. I’ll...stop.”

“You aren’t a brat, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, and. And to his horror, it sounded believable, making it just that much harder to properly hate himself enough to destroy himself. “You’re tired and stressed, and hurt. It’s not your fault.”

It was, though. “Okay. Well...I just want you to know that,” he cleared his throat. Reaching out to pet Urushi behind the ears. “That I’m going to be better.”

“Better than what?”

“Than now. Than before.” He cleared his throat. He took the ball from Kakashi and tossed it in the air. “I’m just--” 

“Are you okay?”

He nodded. He was. He wouldn’t be able to tell if he was not, anyway. “I’m just trying to tell you that--” 

“You’re sorry. I know, you’ve said. A lot, in fact,” Kakashi said. “But there’s nothing to be sorry about, and you’re worrying me.” He patted the space next to him, Urushi laying down on it soon after, and then, he turned his body to face him. “You know, it might not feel like it right now, but things will improve. They always do, eventually.”

“No. I know.” He nodded, “I’m not going to kill myself, it’s okay. I just...we. I guess.” He closed his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. But he wouldn’t be able to make Kakashi see sense, would he? He would not. He knew that. “We haven’t talked in a few days and I get it, not going back there. To the house, I mean. I get it. You and Itachi were right. I was just being stupid, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Sasuke reached over Kakashi to pet Urushi one last time before standing up and excusing himself. When the door was closed, he leaned his forehead against it, closing his eyes a bit. It was cold, probably because it was metal. Sasuke knew doors could be made out of metal, or steel, but it didn’t matter. It was just a stupid observation to try to clear his thoughts. 

He was such a coward, not able to tell Kakashi. Or. Or maybe, he wasn’t a coward because he knew that if Kakashi caught word of this, he would stop him, and Sasuke, didn’t want to go through this, but he had to. He did, it was his responsability, he’d made all the messes and. And it was about time to clean them up. Kakashi would just...just. Just have to find out after the fact. Just like Jugo and Suigetsu. Just like the Uzumakis. He left the hallway, eventually finding his way upstairs. 

Mr. Hoshigaki was going through some envelopes on the table. Sasuke cleared his throat, to get his attention and not because it was difficult to breathe. 

“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Hoshigaki, but have you seen my brother?”

He glanced at him, “he went to an interview.”

He shoved his hands in his pocket. “Why?”

“There was a lot of talk about the last one,” Mr. Hoshigaki said. “I think he’s hoping to cool everything down for a bit, at least. Did you need him for something, kid?”

He assumed that he would be able to talk to Itachi about all of this, and he would at least...appreciate the duty to the company. But. It would just be somewhat easier to show up and announce it to the world, in an interview already taking place. That. That would make sense, and it would, at least give him some relief from the anxiety. The anxiety was not something to worry about, though. He was just being an idiot about everything. 

“Do you think you could take me there? It’s an emergency and it can’t wait.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think Itachi would appreciate that. Don’t get me wrong, he likes you and enjoys your company, but--” 

Itachi evidently did not. But it didn’t matter. “Please, it’s really important. Something happened and I have to see him. Now.”

“I can go and deliver the message, if you--” 

“No!” He took a deep breath. “I have to go, I’m sorry Mr. Hoshigaki, but it’s not something that someone can tell him. I have to do it.”

“I don’t know, Sasuke, I really don’t think Itachi would appreciate that. He was already a little annoyed he had to go, but Nagato said it was important. Clearly, it is. You understand, right?”

Who even was Nagato? Did he know him? Did it matter? It did not. Sasuke shook his head. “Please, sir. It’s really important. I won’t distract him. I could go by myself, doesn’t it count for something that I’m asking you for a ride?” 

“You don’t even know where he is,” Mr. Hoshigaki replied, with a raised eyebrow, his tone amused, like the whole situation was hilarious.

It was not. “Please, Mr. Hoshigaki, it’s important. I have to go talk to him right now. You know, I got in trouble because of you once, and it’s an excellent opportunity to make amends.”

“Kid, you got in trouble because you got into a car with a strange man,” he said. “With good reason. It was a dangerous thing to do.”

Sasuke huffed. And then left the barn. Fine. He’ll just have to walk there. It didn’t matter. He was past the house when he spotted the agent from--the one who looked too young to be anything other than a high school freshman. 

“What are you doing?”

Sasuke halted, frowning. “Walking. What are you doing?”

“You should be inside.”

“You should suck my--” he cleared his throat. Sleep deprivation always made him more cranky than he should be. Especially with people who had no business telling him what he should or should not be doing. “I’m just walking.”

“Sasuke,” Mr. Hoshigaki was on his side. “You can’t go by yourself.”

“I don’t care. You didn’t want to give me a ride, and I don’t care.”

“I’m going to call your dad.”

He shrugged Mr. Hoshigaki’s hand off his shoulder. “I don’t care! He’s not my dad--” 

“Sasuke.” And yet hearing Kakashi’s voice say his name like that, it. It. Sasuke turned around, just in time to see Urushi running towards Kakashi, his tail wagging wildly. But Kakashi didn’t even look at him, his entire attention, apparently, fixed on him, or on Mr. Hoshigaki, or on that agent that Sasuke couldn’t care to remember the name, not anymore, not right now. “What are you doing?”

“No--” 

“He wanted to leave to meet Itachi,” Mr. Hoshigaki said. 

“By himself, apparently,” that stupid agent--where was his partner? Why was he there, anyway? 

Kakashi hummed. “Not actually talking to either of you,” he said, his dismissive tone somewhat jarring. “Sasuke, you want to come to the store with me?”

“There’s--” 

But Sasuke was already nodding. “Should I go get Jugo and--” 

“No. They’re still asleep. Come on.”

Sasuke glanced at the agent and at Mr. Hoshigaki, but he couldn’t read them and it didn’t matter because he was already following Kakashi to the car. It’s not like getting Kakashi to drive him over there, to see Itachi, but. But it didn’t matter. At least he would be out of that stupid ranch.

It was quiet. Even Urushi was asleep, laying on the backseat with his paw hanging off the seat. 

“I wasn’t...serious.” 

“It’s okay, Sasuke, it doesn’t matter,” Kakashi said. 

It didn’t, but hearing that it didn’t matter from Kakashi was. It made it worse, somehow. He didn’t even think it could get worse, but. But the empty pit in the middle of his stomach suggested it. “I was just--” 

“You’re tired and upset. It’s okay, Sasuke.”

He wasn’t. And if he was, it didn’t matter. And if it mattered, he deserved it. “Why did you want to go to the store?”

“Thought you could use some fresh air.”

Could he? It didn’t matter. “Thanks.”

Kakashi hummed, but otherwise dropped the conversation. Until they were parked in front of the school. He would have said something, but what was there to say? It was Sunday, tomorrow was the first day of school and Kakashi was a teacher, who probably had to catch up on a lot of things. Except that he didn’t get out of the car, although he took the keys out of the ignition and set them on the dashboard. 

“Kakashi, what are we--” 

“I know it doesn’t matter, but if I could go back in time and refuse this job, I would--” 

“It’s fine.”

Kakashi took the keys and started the car. “It’s not.” He sighed, “what were you going to do?”

Sasuke turned his attention to the school fading in the distance. “I...was going to...I...to,” he cleared his throat. “I was going to crash Itachi’s interview to make people know that I’m his little brother.”

“Oh.” Kakashi didn’t say anything until they were in front of Naruto’s house. “You want to do that?”

No. 

“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “It’s--it’s just that--that I want to be a part of Itachi’s life, and I can’t do that if I’m not Sasuke Uchiha.”

Kakashi nodded. “Okay, I’ll wait for you. Go on, go break up with Naruto, I’ll wait. He can’t be your boyfriend, once you’re an Uchiha.”

Was Naruto even back? But there was nothing on Kakashi’s face or voice that...made it look like he was joking. 

“Hurry up. The longer you’re here, the more dangerous it is for them.”

Sasuke scrambled to get the seatbelt off and crawled out of the car. The driveway stretched before him, but he managed to walk up to the door. And. And ring the doorbell. He glanced over his shoulder, but Kakashi was still there, inside the car, one finger tapping against the steering wheel. 

“Is something wrong?” It was Mr. Uzumaki. Pulling him inside the house, and closing the door. Looking him over, presumably checking for any injuries. It was a little disconcerting because it was usually Naruto who did that, but. But it was fine. He only checked his face and his arms. After everything that Sasuke put him through, it was only natural that Mr. Uzumaki would be worried. “Are you okay?”

Sasuke slipped the sweater off. “I’m fine, Mr. Uzumaki.” He folded it over his arm. “I was just stopping to return this and...and maybe talk to--to Naruto.”

“He’s taking a shower. You want to wait upstairs?”

Sasuke shook his head. “I’ll wait here, Mr. Uzumaki, it’s quite alright. Thank you.”

“You can wait in the living room, kiddo.”

The living room? It felt so far away. “Maybe I should wait upstairs, Mr. Uzumaki.” 

The stairs were, at least, closer. When Mr. Uzumaki nodded, he started on his way up. It took longer than it should have, but what in his life wasn’t difficult? He closed Naruto’s bedroom door and shoved the sweater inside the laundry basket. The water was running, presumably because of the shower, and. And the thing--it was. Sasuke had been there countless times. Because they lived so close to each other and because there weren’t any cameras here, and because he liked the room, regardless of the ridiculous color scheme, and. It was--

Stupid.

He crashed, face down, on the bed, taking only a second to recognize the orange smell, and the blond hair, shoved against his nose, half of a body pressed against his back. 

“Get off.”

“I haven’t seen you in years, Sasuke,” Naruto’s words muffled by the mattress. “I’m not moving unless you say that you never want to see me again--” 

“I never want to see you again.”

The weight got off of him. But Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to move. He felt the bed dip and when he finally managed to unglue himself from the bed, to move his head to the side, he found Naruto sitting cross legged on the ground, his head tilted up. Some emotions somewhere in there, but. 

But Sasuke just couldn’t. 

“You haven’t slept, have you?”

“Stop talking to me like I’m a little kid, I’m older than you.”

“I’m older by two months!”

“My real birthday is in July, stupid.”

“You don’t even know when that is, so it doesn’t count!”

He didn’t. He should. What was he thinking? Who would believe him, if he didn’t even know Sasuke Uchiha’s birthday? He was such an idiot. Why couldn’t he ever come up with a good plan? Something that wasn’t utterly stupid. 

“Sasuke?”

He should just stop talking for the rest of his life. Thinking. Why had he...if he’d been smart, he could have. They could have ended it for him. But he tried to blind one, and the other one. They were dead. 

“You’re--” 

“I’m just hungry.” He sat up. “And I was joking. I’m just hungry.” He rubbed his eyes. “Can you get me something to eat?” 

Naruto stood up in a blink of an eye. “Of course! I’ll get you something yummy, okay? I’ll be right back.” 

Sasuke stayed there until he heard the fading footsteps. He left through the balcony. Kakashi’s car was gone. It made sense. He’d been thinking of abandoning Kakashi and Urushi first. So. So he couldn’t be too hurt. He walked back to the house, jumping over the fence, ignoring the--something in the back of his head, after walking past the middle house, walking past. 

Anyway. He threw a rock, watching glass shattering on impact. Somehow, he fit through the window, a somewhat worrying sign. But. But it was fine. Everyone was always talking about the importance of losing weight that it. It made sense that he would lose weight. It was a good thing. He made it all the way to his bathroom before realizing that the weird feeling in his hand was blood. From the broken window. Probably. He turned around. There was no one behind him, probably no one trying to kill him, though it was impossible to figure out if that was a good thing. 

He should probably sleep. Forever, preferably. It didn’t matter. The water was cold. It was fine. He got out, put on a fresh pair of clothes, and walked out. His hands were weird now, but. But it had been awhile since he’d been uninjured. It was fine. It happened, sometimes. Especialally lately. He put on sweatpants and a shirt, and jumped the backyard’s fence. 

It had been darker before, when people were chasing him, but it was the same path. At some point, he must have thrown the rocks, and poked someone’s eyes. He hadn’t been thinking. It was okay. 

He found a tree. There was no shade, but he still took a seat, leaning his back against it, watching the world fade away.

There were voices. Sasuke rubbed his eyes, with the voices stoping, only to start again a second later. It took some time to recognize them as Mr. Uzumaki and Kakashi and his brother, all standing a few feet from him, all yelling at each other about.

About something. Sasuke couldn’t figure it out. But someone dragged him up to his feet. Itachi. Judging by two other voices screaming his name and telling him to let him go. He did, but only after telling him to _ stop listening to Nagato _ . 

Sasuke still wasn’t entirely sure who Nagato was, but was there anything else for him to do except nod? He nodded. And then Kakashi dragged him back to the house, mumbling something all the way to the door, Mr. Uzumaki following close behind. Suigetsu and Jugo were both there, and so was Naruto, but judging by Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki’s tones, they were not supposed to be there. He thought he’d gone to break up with Naruto, but he couldn’t remember doing that. It didn’t matter.

Sasuke slammed the door on their faces. Everyone’s faces. He didn’t even know how he made it into his bedroom without getting held by any of them, but it didn’t matter. He locked the door. Ignored the knocks. Closed the balcony. Pushed the bed against the door. Shoved the desk against that. Grabbed his laptop. And walked inside the bathroom. Locking it. Slipped down the wall, turned on the laptop. It was going to be okay. He didn’t have social media accounts, but it wasn’t difficult to make one. 

Somewhat more difficult to ignore the banging on the door. The bed and desk would last. They had to. 

Somewhat more difficult to turn on the camera and stare at that little light, until he managed to force the words out of his throat, to be recorded. Uploaded. 

He tried to give a heads-up to Kakashi, but he’d been too much of a coward for that. He tried to come out with Itachi, but Mr. Hoshigaki had been right, he had no idea where that interview had been taking place. And he tried to break-up with Naruto, but. But hadn’t managed that. 

But talking to a laptop was easier. The video might not go viral. But if it did, then everything would be okay. And even if it didn’t, he knew that the people who needed to see it, would. They clearly were stalking him. They probably had someway to. To keep track of his face, if it ever showed up online. They were the ones who really needed to see it. He’d practically baited them to come get him. 

It hadn’t been a joke. It might sound like a joke, but he’d been serious. If they came for him, then. Then they could use him to make Itachi cooperate with whatever they wanted, if Itachi really cared for him, but either way. Either way, they wouldn’t come after anyone he cared about again. 

Had they even gone after them?

They had. They told him they would kill Naruto and Karin if they saw him. 

It didn’t matter. Not anymore. The video was uploaded. The laptop was closed. It hadn’t been what he’d wanted, having to look up his birthday, July 23 rd as it turned out, and talk about what happened to him after his father handed him over to Kakashi and filed a missing person report. He kept Kakashi’s name out of it, though it wouldn’t matter for the people who knew them already. 

It hadn’t been what he wanted. 

But it didn’t matter. 


	35. Chapter 35

Everyone was trying to break the door, to get in. Kakashi was unhinging it from the wall, or at least trying to. Naruto had been trying to break in too, until his phone buzzing against his butt became too distracting and he was forced to look at it. It wasn’t Sasuke, just Karin. A hundred texts messages, too many missed calls. 

_ Sasuke just came out--CALL ME!!!!!!! _

Which. Which was weird because Sasuke and he were rather...it’s not like they were coy about anything; Sasuke was only shy when they were at their houses, so it wouldn’t be necessary to come out. But then another text came through with a video link, and Naruto pressed on it, watching the page load, watching Sasuke, recognizing the wall of his bathroom. It was a short video, about two minutes long, and there was a calmness in his expression and tone that unsettled Naruto’s stomach; it seemed like it reached over the screen and settled the entire hallway, too. He wasn’t looking at anything except his phone, but he was sure that the banging had stopped, the drill wasn’t on anymore. 

Just Sasuke’s voice, over a two minute video, providing his autobiography with enough compelling details to apparently make some journalists and reporters watch and comment on it, along with their followers and subscribers. It hadn’t even been an hour, it was insane, and too many people had already watched it. There was a point that made it sound like Sasuke was baiting himself out, but Naruto didn’t want to think too much about that. He was reading too much into it, just like he always did. He turned the phone off when a message from Sakura came through. School was going to be fun tomorrow. 

When he looked up, he found out exactly why it was so quiet. Suigetsu and Jugo were standing by the door, staring at him, and Kakashi’s face was white, and his dad’s eyes were too wide. Itachi was paler than Kakashi, if that was possible.

“A lot of people have watched it,” Naruto said. 

“He’s such an idiot.”

Before Naruto could open his mouth to argue with Itachi, Suigetsu had already shoved him back. “Don’t call him that. This is your fault--” 

“No, it’s--” 

“It’s all of your faults, actually.” Suigetsu shrugged Jugo’s hands off of his shoulder. “I can’t believe any of you thought it was a good idea to leave him alone! We,” he motioned to Jugo and himself, “were sleeping. We turned our backs for a second and all of you fuckers shoved him into such a tiny corner that he pulls this shit--” 

“Don’t talk about my dad like that!”

“Shut up! It’s mostly your fault, why would you leave him alone in your bedroom? Have you not noticed that he likes to climb down your fucking balcony?”

“I was excited to see him and that he wanted to eat!” 

He had been losing his mind for days, worrying about Sasuke not returning any of his attempts at communication, worried about the way that his dad skidded around the topic everytime they talked over the phone. He’d been excited to see him and that he asked for food, because Sasuke didn’t make it a habit to ask for anything. Though that should have been his clue. But he’d been too excited. He’d still been too excited downstairs when his dad asked him to help him sleep. He would have. He was going to. But Sasuke was gone by the time he went back upstairs with the soup. 

“What would make you think he was  _ serious _ ?  _ Why are you guys so stupid _ ?”

Jugo cleared his throat. “Getsu, maybe you should walk away. You’re not helping the situation at hand--” 

“Like you’re not thinking it, too. You’re just too nice to say it, I bet you want to stab at least one of them--” 

“I don’t wish to harm anyone--” 

“Physically.” Suigetsu cleared his throat. “All I’m saying is that you guys are lucky that he likes you so much because otherwise,  _ I _ would have kidnapped him just to keep him away from all of you. Idiots.” 

“Getsu, I think you’re projecting--” 

“I’m not,” he snapped back, crossing his arms, glaring at the door. “I’ve always been right, Jugo. Every single adult in the world is an incompetent fool. This is just more proof. Some teenagers are idiots, too.” 

It sounded like a heavier statement than the situation really required. From where Naruto was standing, their only mistake was...misjuding Sasuke’s mental health and giving him the benefit of the doubt. But was it really that terrible that their only mistake was assuming that Sasuke could get better? Naruto might have believed him, gotten too excited to find delicious food to offer Sasuke, but--but in all honesty, what was he supposed to do?

Not believed him? Forced him to march downstairs with him? Naruto had been under the impression that Sasuke  _ should _ be allowed to make decisions for himself, and asking for food while he waited upstairs had seemed like a harmless decision that he could make on his own. Clearly, it had not been. But that meant that...from now on, Sasuke simply couldn’t be on his own ever again, not just because now there was an evident need for security around him, announcing to the Internet who he was, but because apparently, whenever he was left alone, he did stupid things.

Suigetsu stormed off, stomping down the stairs. Jugo moved to follow him, but Kakashi stopped him, a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll go talk to him.”

“I don’t think he wants to talk to you.”

Kakashi hummed, perhaps understanding that Jugo raised an excellent point, but nevertheless, shaking his head and leaving. The front door never opened, so Naruto could only assume that they were both still in the house. Itachi left, but he didn’t open the front door either. 

“Suigetsu’s a hot head,” Jugo said. “He only meant about fifty percent of that.”

“He’s not wrong,” his dad said, picking up the drill.

He was, though. His dad wasn’t an idiot. He’d been working in the living room when Sasuke left, and when Naruto figured that out, he’d been out of the door immediately, calling Kakashi. It had just been his own fault and...and some of Sasuke’s fault. 

He loved him, but he’d been an idiot. 

Which meant that Karin was an idiot, too, because she was the one who was talking about letting him make some decisions. Sasuke clearly should never be allowed to make any decisions for himself, or anyone else, ever again. He watched as his dad got to work on the door, but it opened. 

Sasuke opened it. That uncomfortable calmness was still hanging around him, like--like he’d completely detached from anything and he was gone, and there was nothing that could...it was weird. He looked exhausted, but he also looked like he didn’t sleep anymore. It was the first time in weeks that Naruto had seen him wearing anything else besides the orange sweater, the one that was in his laundry basket currently, and it was--was probably a sign of everything that was wrong with him. 

“Are you okay?” His dad asked, setting the drill down. 

Naruto threw the phone at him. It hit Sasuke’s chest, falling on the ground, but he didn’t seem to react. It was Jugo’s reaction, throwing the phone back, hard, an angry look in his eyes that seemed to snap him out of his thoughts. “Jugo, it’s fine,” he said, his voice lowly. “And I’m okay, Mr. Uzumaki. Thank you for asking.”

His dad was holding his shoulders, presumably to keep him from launching at Sasuke. “Are you sure that you’re okay?” He asked, his tone sounding exactly like how it sounded when he was giving someone another chance to reconsider their words before he followed-up with worse questions. 

“Yes--” 

“Stop lying! I can’t believe you left  _ again _ . And to do this! What were you thinking?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s okay, now.” 

“It’s not!”

“Naruto, go home,” his dad said. 

“No! I’m not. This is--” 

“Go home, now. There’s school tomorrow and you need to get ready. Now.”

Naruto huffed, shrugging his dad’s hand off of his shoulder. It seemed like a lot of people felt like doing that now, keeping physical contact to a minimum. He stared at Sasuke, but failed to get anything out of him, not a word, not even a nod. He picked up his phone and left the house. He spotted Sakura and Karin standing in front of his door, but they looked at him, and it would have been too late to leave. 

“I’m really not in the mood,” he told them, as he opened the door and stepped to the side to let them in. 

“Well, too bad,” Sakura said. “When people aren’t in the mood, that’s when they need to know there’s people around who care about them, isn’t it?”

Maybe Sakura could tell Sasuke that. He wouldn’t listen, though. He was such an idiot. Why would he do something like that? He shook his head, locking the door. “Thanks, but--” 

“Look, you and Karin,” Sakura said, glancing at her before turning to look at him. “Spent the entire break with each other, but I’ve been stuck with my parents and my aunts and little cousins for two weeks. We don’t have to talk about Sasuke, or anything, but I genuinly want to spend time with you.”

Naruto sighed. “I want to spend time with you too, Saku, but I don’t think I’ll be great company right now.”

Karin patted his shoulder. “That’s okay. We’ll fill in the time.”

Naruto stood in the hallway, until he found enough energy to walk to the living room, sitting next to Sakura. He had spent so little time with her, not just during the break, but also the entire semester--he had been too busy and obsessed with Sasuke, that he’d neglected some of his other friends. 

“You want to hear about Hawaii?”

Naruto wanted to, absolutely, just not right now. “Sure.”

“Well,” Sakura cleared her throat. “It was so beautiful, everything was absolutely beautiful, but I kind of didn’t love it. It makes me kind of happy because if I want to move to the East Coast for college, then, you guys know I was worried about the snow, but I figured that if I kind of got a little sick of the weather there, maybe I wouldn’t hate the snow that much--” 

“You’ll definietly hate the snow,” Karin said, shaking her head. “Only because it’s such a hassle to get ready every day. I swear, I spent more time making sure I could walk out of the cabin than Ino spends getting ready for school dances.”

“Yeah, but that’s because you don’t have the right equipment, I’m sure--” 

“Or you could stay in California for college and we can be roomies.”

“ _ Or _ you could go to college in the east coast and we could still be roomies.”

“But then I’d be states away from my mom, and Uncle Minato and Auntie--” 

“Yeah, but you can visit them. And if I stay here, I’ll be in the same state as my parents.” 

Naruto sighed. Never quite understanding what was the big deal with Sakura’s parents. They were nice people, enthusiastic, and utterly proud of their daughter. They went to every single of her lacrosse games, but she always seemed more annoyed than anything else. Naruto secretly thought she only said that because she was a teenager--when she was younger, she was always latched onto her parents’ hands. “You still wouldn’t be in the same city as them. And with a few hours of driving, the snow is right there. I heard people in the East Coast are mean because there’s never any sun. Plus! Plus, the fruits and veggies there suck--” 

“Some of the best school are there, though.”

Naruto couldn’t believe that his boyfriend was less than five minutes away, but he was at home discussing things that didn’t matter. Sasuke had been an idiot and it didn’t make sense. It’s not like he ever outwardly showed it, but Naruto  _ knew _ that the thought of being Sasuke Uchiha made him sick to the stomach. “It doesn’t make sense--” 

“It’s the bad weather, they have to export--” 

“Not the food!” He took a deep breath, shaking his head. “Why would he post that? It was so stupid! Did Karin tell you what happened?” But it didn’t matter because the words were flowing out of his mouth like water without a dam. “He got kidnapped. Our neighbors got murdered, and two psychos kidnapped him. He got away, obviously, and then he came here and he was out of it. He didn’t say a word and...and he was clearly traumatized. Understandably. But now he’s gone and told the world who he is, and presumably where he is, so what does he think is going to happen? They’re going to come after him, not just out of some stupid vendetta against his family, but just generally as a vulnerable, half-heir to a lot of money, and I’m not even sure he thought about it enough. He couldn’t have. Because he’s an idiot.”

The look that Sakura and Karin told him all that he had to know.

“He’s hurt--” 

“It doesn’t matter! He’s going to be even more hurt, now. He’s an idiot.”

Karin sighed, “he’s trying his best. It’s not like anyone can read his mind and it’s not like anyone is forcing him to talk to a professional.”

He had. For a day. And for those days, Naruto had thought that he’d only needed to sleep a little, something that he obviously had not done in a while, a week or so. Maybe if he had just gotten him to sleep, instead of trying to make him food, maybe none of this would have happened. He’d been such an idiot. But Sasuke was a worse one, doing something so utterly stupid. “I can’t believe you still think that after all of this! He’s throwing his life away and thinking that he’s doing his best is the reason that he got a chance to throw his life away. Anytime now, psychos are going to take him and he’s going to let them--” 

“He didn’t last time!” Karin shoved him. “You know he ran away from them, lost them in the woods, and came back here. If he wanted to throw away his life, that would have been the perfect--” 

“Regardless of whether or not he’s throwing his life away or trying his best,” Sakura said. “I mean, I don’t really know much, except apparently he was kidnapped, which is awful, and he is the missing son of a now dead person...I mean, he’s still kind of stupid. I can only assume that he was hiding for a reason--” 

“You can’t call him stupid!”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “ _ You _ ’re calling him stupid.”

“Because I’m his boyfriend and I know the whole story. Or at least half of the story, more than you, definietly--” 

“I was just going to say that his best doesn’t excuse him for doing something stupid. If he was hiding for what? Ten years. There’s obviously a reason for that, and he’s obviously not caring about it anymore. And you’re obviously stressed about it, Naruto--” 

“Of course I am!”

“And we’re worried about you.”

“I think you’re both wrong,” Karin said. “You guys are just condemming him, without--” 

“Regardless of the reasons, objectively it was something stupid.”

“You can’t talk about the outcome without considering the circumstances.”

Sakura shrugged, “isn’t there something that says cool motive, still murder?”

“He hasn’t killed anyone.” Karin stood up. “He’s been kidnapped,  _ twice _ . In this same neighborhood, which suggests that there should be better security. Naruto, you know he wasn’t sure about how he felt about his brother, but we know that he’s spent the last week in the same place as him. People don’t make these kinds of decisions without thinking about them long and hard--” 

“He made this decision  _ because _ he didn’t think about it long and--” 

“It might have seemed that way to you,” Karin sat down, after, presumably, getting tired from Sakura pulling at her sleeve. “But you were going absolutely crazy, I mean you were  _ insufferable _ , the whole week, and you’re just a bystander. You’ve known him for like six months. You’re watching his life fall apart, Sasuke is experiencing it.”

“I’m not saying that--” 

“I mean, can you imagine the kind of shit he’s gone through? Not just right now, but his entire life? You know there’s a thousand articles on Itachi Uchiha, genius kid, there’s at least twenty interviews of his parents gushing about him. There’s nothing on Sasuke Uchiha, except some pictures during his mom’s funeral,” her voice cracked. “And he wasn’t even crying? None of them were. What kind of five-year-old doesn’t cry at his mom’s funeral? I mean, the emotional repression he must have already had, and then, he’s reported missing. Do you think Kakashi took him to the therapist, like he should have? Have you even seen him mourn for his father yet? Is he allowed to? Don’t you think it would be difficult for him, I mean, if we’re meant to believe that adoptive parents are actual parents, then it stands to reason that Kakashi is his dad, but it must have been weird to know that his real dad was still there. Right? Don’t you think that would make for some awkward interactions, never really been able to move on like an adoptive family  _ could _ . I mean, I know  _ I _ have daddy issues and I think they are there for a pretty fucking good reason, but I can’t even imagine the kind of issues he has to deal with. On top of everything else. Do you really,  _ really _ think that anyone in his life has ever sat him down and asked him what he thought about anything like Uncle Minato and Auntie Kushina do with you? I--” 

“I know all of that, okay?” Naruto put in the effort to keep his voice down. They all knew how much Karin hated talking about her dad and he’d rather not force that conversation. Sakura wouldn’t either. “I do. I get it. He’s overwhelmed and he’s obviously exhausted. But that doesn’t mean this wasn’t stupid because it--” 

“Fine. All I’m saying is that if you talk to him and make him feel stupid, then I actually do hope he breaks up with you because that’s bullshit.”

Naruto looked away. It wouldn’t feel so terrible, if they hadn’t been the ones to whom he’d gone after Sasuke did break up with him. 

“Karin--” 

“No. I’m serious. This is insane. I  _ told _ you to get him melotonin for Christmas. He needs to sleep and he needs some good friends, and you need to step it up. I’m tired of your ineptitude, sometimes you remind me of my dad. And you know how he ended up? Alone and drunk and dead.”

“Oh, like you’re such a walk in the park.” Naruto sighed. “I didn’t mean that. I mean, I kinda did because you’re not, and neither is Sakura. And neither am I. But using ourselves to compare to Sasuke is not...right. I mean, all of our experiences are so far--” 

“That’s exactly why you can’t go around calling him stupid!”

Naruto rubbed his eyes. “I told you guys that I wasn’t going to be good company right now, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but that’s what friends are for.”

Naruto glanced at Sakura, her soft smile somehow managing to make his lips curl up. He turned to Karin, “I really do get it. But you said that I should be congratulating him for keeping his friends close, right? You remember, right?” She nodded, and he continued, “well, now, he’s pretty much shot all of his friendships and relationships down the drain. In a stupid attempt to keep us safe, I’m assuming, because I can give credit when it’s due, and he wouldn’t put himself in danger unless he thought he was saving someone else from the trouble. But it’s stupid because now he’s put  _ himself _ in danger, but he obviously doesn’t care--” 

“Of course he cares! Why do you think he’s so scared?”

“He doesn’t. He never has, I don’t think.” Even before December, Sasuke had been excusing that horrible beating as something that had to be done because he messed up. Nevermind what Kakashi did to him. It was all because he deserved it, because he had done something wrong and the only way to make amends was to bleed, apparently. “He’s doing it to keep people safe, I guess, though that has some glaring holes to the theory, but he’s also doing it because he’s trying to make up for something. Getting kidnapped, maybe--” 

“That wasn’t--” 

“I know.” Naruto glanced at Sakura, reminding himself that Sakura didn’t know anything about Sasuke bedsides the fact that he was too polite, too involved in extracurriculurs, and was a good kisser. “It’s not his fault. I know that. He just doesn’t--” 

“How can he--” 

“Daddy issues?” Naruto shrugged, watching Karin move to the armrest. She’d been sitting there when Sasuke showed up. “It doesn’t matter. It’s done now. And...it was kind of my fault.”

“It couldn’t have been.”

Naruto didn’t think Karin was capable of defending him. “No. It was. Sasuke showed up and I was supposed to help him sleep. Dad said Kakashi only dropped him off for that, and--and I was going to. I mean, we were going to sleep, sometime, eventually. I was just making him chicken noodle soup. Some of it is still there. I was just too excited, I should have just...tied him to the bed or something.” It was a bad joke, obviously. But there was nothing else to do, not really. There was absolutely nothing he could have done. Sasuke decided to do something stupid because he thought there was no other option. That was fine. He was stressed and he needed to sleep. He still needed to sleep. He stood up. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow--” 

“What?”

“It’s just that he still needs to sleep. There’s school tomorrow, after--” 

“You really think anyone is going to let him come?” Karin asked.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe? It is a private school,” Naruto shrugged. “That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t sleep, though. You guys can stay here, I’m going to go over--” 

“Why didn’t you stay there to begin--” 

“My dad told me to leave.” Naruto rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t like outright disobeying his dad, not like this, at least. He wasn’t obedient, generally, especially not compared to someone like Sasuke, but he liked to think that he respected his parents, which generally meant listening to them. Just not now. Maybe Sasuke would break up with him, but that still meant he needed to sleep. 

They could break up.

After Sasuke slept.

“Won’t he tell you to leave again?”

Naruto shrugged. “I’ll see you guys later? Saku? I still do want to hear about your break. It’s just--” 

“I know.” She nodded towards Karin, a small smile playing on her face, “I get it. I’m also dating a highly emotional--” 

Karin giggled. “Like you’re any better.”

“I am! I get all my anger out on the field.”

“Did I tell you I’m going to try out to be a cheerleader?”

“Oh, you’re going to be the cutest one! No way, just in time for--” 

Naruto left. It was...kind of funny, the way they could de-escalate situations with each other. Karin  _ had _ just said she disagreed with both of them and yet, they were now discussing cute cheerleading outfits and things that Naruto wasn’t interested in. He locked the door, the cool air forcing his hands inside his pockets, and walked over to Sasuke’s house. Suigetsu was sitting on the doorsteps, ripping petals off a flower. 

“Are you okay?”

He didn’t look up, just ripped another petal. “Fine.”

“What are you doing out here?”

“Making sure Sasuke doesn’t leave. Jugo’s watching the backyard.”

“Do you think you should keep a watch over him for the rest of his life?”

Suigetsu looked up. “Of course not. Just long enough for him to find better people to care for.”

Naruto frowned. “We’re good people. My dad and I. It was an accident.”

“I don’t know if you know, blondie,” Suigetsu began, “but your dad went to visit him. Sasuke wouldn’t talk to anyone else, so he came. And then left him, after Sasuke told him he didn’t want to be there. If he was a good person, he would have done something about it. He could have called it a kidnapping, he could have called for backup, but nothing happened, and he abandoned Sasuke.” He huffed, “you know how many years I’ve known him for? A decade. All my memories that aren’t hazy are with him. Do you know how many times I’ve heard him ask something from an adult? Or even attempt to argue with Kakashi? Five times. Mostly over a dinasour and mostly over a piano.” He stood up, tossing the flower on the ground, “so make no mistake, he obviously likes your dad. But your dad fucked up.”

Naruto hadn’t known that. His dad never mentioned it. But he couldn’t have done anything. Kakashi was there and...and until recently, he was Sasuke  _ Hatake _ . “My dad was trying his best. He’s always trying his best, with him. With anyone--” 

“You only think that because he’s your dad.” 

“No. I think that because he’s a good person. And I’m too. I was making him food, I’m sorry I didn’t think he was lying. I was excited. I guess you must have seen through that lie, and I’m glad you would have, but I’ve only known him for six months and they’ve been intense months, and I’m trying my best. I care about him, I just wanted to feed him.”

Suigetsu shook his head, opening the door. “I know he’s an idiot, too. Just so you know.” He rubbed his eyes, letting Naruto inside. “I’m not stupid. I get what he did was stupid. I wish I could kick his ass.”

“Me too,” Naruto shrugged. “Is he upstairs?”

“He’s talking to Kakashi and your dad.”

“And Itachi?”

Suigetsu shrugged. “Must have left, I don’t know. Hell, hopefully. I don’t care.”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, but otherwise bit down on his questions. Now that he thought about it, Suigetsu seemed to have gone off after Itachi said Sasuke was stupid. But apparently, Suigetsu thought that too. He shook his head, heading upstairs. It wasn’t any of his business. It wasn’t. He already had one emotional guy to take care of. 

Sasuke’s bedroom door was leaning against the wall. Naruto walked inside the bedroom, where Sasuke was sitting on the bed, Kakashi and his dad standing in front of him. Clearly worked up. 

“I told you to go home.”

“You did,” he said, keeping his eyes on Sasuke. He turned to look at him, but there was absolutely nothing there. It was okay. Naruto would dig through hell itself to find something again. “But I came back. Karin and Sakura were there, and they were being too mushy.”

Sasuke chuckled. “Mushier than you?”

Naruto didn’t miss the way that both of the adults were looking at him, like it was the first time Sasuke said anything. “And you.”

“I’m not.”

Naruto shrugged, “but you are. I promise I won’t let him run away again.”

They seemed to get the message because they both left. Naruto didn’t hear creaking stairs, but they were still outside the room. Maybe Sasuke really hadn’t said anything and they left because of that. He couldn’t be sure, but at least he didn’t hear a lecture from his dad, not here--it was fine at home, just not here. 

“I told you to stop treating me like a kid,” Sasuke said, standing up, turning to face him. 

“Oh, my bad.” He took a deep breath. “I really don’t mean to, it’s just,” Naruto moved towards the bathroom. “See, I was under the impression that you were a kid because you’ve done so much stupid shit since the last time I’ve seen you. What were you thinking? Sasuke, you could have slept and thought about it--” 

His neck snapped to the right, his vision blurred. For a second, before his eyes focused on the floor. He tasted metal. When he looked up, Sasuke was standing a centimeters away from him. 

“You want to say anything else?”

“Yeah. I do. You really need to sleep.” His neck snapped to the other side, a sharp pain blossoming on the other cheek.

School was going to be fantastic tomorrow. 

“Anything else?”

Naruto opened the bathroom door and dragged both of them inside. He didn’t need anyone interrupting, so he locked the door, standing in front of it. “You’re going to be sorry.”

He got it. He could see it now, behind the makeshift anger, just the utter desperation to punched him hard enough to make him walk away. But Naruto had punched him before, too, and Sasuke hadn’t walked away. He didn’t think he deserved to be used as a punching bag like this, but Sasuke needed to get something out, and he needed to see that regardless of how much or how hard he punched, Naruto would stay there. It didn’t matter how much Kakashi and his dad banged on the door, it didn’t matter how much Sasuke banged against him. 

He would have to put him in the hospital before he moved away. 

“What are you doing?”

He was the quietest angriest person Naruto had ever encountered.

“Waiting.”

“ _ For what _ ?”

He bit back a groan.“For you to get tired and go to sleep.”

“I don’t need--” 

“You do.”

He refused to double over. He should have taken up karate instead of soccer, it wasn’t like he was ever going to make it into a professional team, anyway. 

“I don’t. Stop. Don’t you get it? We’re not a thing anymore. I’m not Sa--” 

“I don’t care,” Naruto said. “I mean, I do. But I don’t care whether or not you want to keep being my boyfriend, or how you want to call yourself, although we’re both lying to ourselves if we pretend you’re anything other than Sasuke Hatake. I care about you getting some sleep because you need to sleep, you need to rest, and you need to take care of yourself. It doesn’t matter who is with you, it just matters that you take care of yourself. So, keep punching and kicking. I’ll wait.” 

But he didn’t. 

“You’re such an idiot,” he said, running a towel under water, a second later, pressing it against his face.

Naruto didn’t move away. The coolness was seeping some of the hot pain away, and--and he would be a liar if he said that he didn’t appreciate it. “So are you.”

“You don’t get it. And now you’re all beaten up.” He was starting to sound more like the normal, anxiety-ridden Sasuke that Naruto knew and loved. “ _ I _ ...what kind of moron doesn’t defend himself? I know you can defend yourself and--” 

“Maybe I didn’t defend myself knowing that you were going to feel guilty over it and would do anything to make it up--” 

“You’re not that smart.”

He wasn’t. But Naruto was trying to alleviate that real guilt from him by pretending that it had been his plan all along. “If it makes you feel better--” 

“It doesn’t.”

He looked like he was about to start crying. Which, despite the constant misfortunes in his life, Sasuke didn’t tend to do. If he thought long and hard, Naruto had really seen him only cry  _ properly _ once, and--then again, maybe it was a good thing. Crying had to be better than whatever detachment he had before. Feeling was better than not feeling, right? Though...feeling too much had been the problem in the first place, hadn’t it?

“It’s okay, I heal fast, remember and--” 

“It’s too late, Naruto.”

“No, I know, but that’s what the healing is for--” 

“Not for this. I know that you heal fast, but...” 

Naruto closed his eyes, hearing the water running, focusing on that instead of on the crazy knocking, the increasingly persistant drill. “But what?”

“I already made that video. It’s too late now.” He shook his head. “The whole point of making it was...” 

He opened them, watching the deep frown on his face, his eyes somehow more...present now, but only filled with what could be described as...self-disgust? Hatred.“To keep everyone else safe?”

Sasuke nodded. “I have to--” 

“Seems like a lot of responsibility.”

He shook his head. “They told me what they were going to do. They were next door. To both of us. I can’t go through it again--” 

“I’m sure Itachi will get you some bodyguards--” 

“Not that,” he snapped. “I don’t care about that. What they did to my mom. It was them. They’re going to do it to you and--and to your mom. Probably your dad. Mine...I can’t do that. I won’t--” 

“You know,” Naruto said, slowly. “They can still do all of that. It doesn’t matter what you do--” 

“No.  _ No _ . They won’t come after any of you anymore--” 

“They knew where you were without calling yourself an Uchiha, Sasuke. It doesn’t matter what you do, if they want, they can hurt anyone they want, but that doesn’t mean you should hurt yourself, too--” 

“ _ Stop _ .”

“Sorry.” He had promised him that he would listen to him, hadn’t he? He shook his head. He had to do better. He had to. Especially right now. Even though he was right. If anything, Sasuke might have just angered more people, gave more people more incentive to hurt him, to hurt anyone he might care about. “All I’m trying to say is that I’m still here for you, okay?”

“You’re such an idiot! You can’t be, don’t you get it?”

“I do. Really.” He got that Sasuke was utterly delusional, too sleep-deprived to think properly about anything. “Why don’t you take a nap for a while and then we can talk more--” 

“No. There’s nothing else to talk about.”

“Can you at least talk to me? About anything? Sasuke--” 

“No. Stop. You need to leave.”

“Make me.”

He tried to. And Naruto would have one too many bruises tomorrow, but it didn’t matter because Sasuke was exhausted and couldn’t do much to move him away from the door. He stopped trying, eventually, slidding down the wall instead, burying his face against his knees. Naruto was going to sit next to him, but something was holding him back. It was his dad, he realized, when he glanced over his shoulder, finding the door gone. 

“I’m fine,” he blurted out, as his face was tilted from one side to the other. Sasuke hadn’t landed many hits there, just three, most of them had gone to his side and stomach, which meant that Naruto could hide them well enoug. At least for a while. “Dad, it’s okay. Really.”

His dad let him go. In favor of going to check Sasuke, who seemed to curled tighter into himself. Probably upset about his dad seeing those bruises. But his dad didn’t sound angry, as he tried to coax Sasuke look at him. Naruto only stopped looking when he heard Suigetsu screaming downstairs, Jugo apparently telling him to calm down. But Naruto couldn’t blame Suigetsu, when he realized what was happening, when Itachi came into the room, followed by Kisame, and Kakashi. Holding a duffel bag, walking towards the bathroom. 

“Do you want to pack, or should I do it?”

Suigetsu screams were muffled by--

His own. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU CAN’T JUST--” 

“Sasuke.”

He walked passed him. Just like he was casually passing by, and not getting a suitcase from his dad to go away and leave, and live with a brother who hadn’t seen him in ten years. From the corner of his eye, he could see how Jugo was holding Suigetsu back, who was still screaming obsenities. It took him a moment to realize that his dad was holding him back too, because no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t seem to reach Sasuke. Couldn’t understand why his dad was holding him back, wasn’t holding Sasuke back, wasn’t screaming at Kakashi, or Itachi, or anyone, he should be stopping them--

He couldn’t believe Suigetsu had a point, when he said his dad wasn’t a good person. 

His throat hurt. He was aware that he was yelling obsenities too, but his dad’s hold on him was too steady to manage anything else. Sasuke was...it was that stupid calm again. Like he didn’t even know what was going on around him, like the only thing that mattered to him was doing his best to fade into the background, fade away. 

Until he apparently was done packing, and he had a suitcase full of absolutely nothing--that small thing couldn’t possibly hold everything that Sasuke truly needed, but every adult in the room was, for some reason, pretending that it was. And the only thing that Sasuke did was stand in front of Kakashi, unspilled tears pooling in his eyes. 

“Take care,” he said like--like that wasn’t the kid he’d been taking care of for a decade, like it was just someone with whom he was only vaguely aqcuinted.

“You...too.” 

Sasuke slung the bag over his shoulder. Jugo let go of Suigetsu, grabbing Sasuke, and running out of the room. Itachi and Kisame moved, but they weren’t fast enough, or at least they were smart enough to stop with a knife pointed at them. 

“Getsu--” 

“Fuck off, Kisame, don’t call me that, we’re not friends anymore,” he said. “Fuck all of you, in fact.” He raised it higher when Kakashi took a step forward. “Honestly. It’s sharp. And I’m not actually afraid to use it.”

“Suigetsu, you’re sleep-deprived too, and emotional. Put the knife down. You can’t keep Sasuke safe.”

“Maybe not,” Suigetsu said. “But I sure will try, before handing him over. He doesn’t need this--” 

“You don’t need this either,” Kakashi said. “And you’re better than your bro--” 

“Don’t.” His fist tightened around the knife. “He’s not my brother, Sasuke is. And unlike everyone in here, I seem to take that title seriously.” 

Itachi was moving towards the balcony. But. But--but Naruto shoved his dad back and jumped on his back. They crashed against the floor, though most of the impact must have ended on Itachi because he didn’t feel anything. Except someone trying to pry him off, but Suigetsu was right. And Naruto did take whatever title he had to Sasuke seriously. More seriously than Kakashi at the very least. 

Kisame pried him off, but it didn’t matter because he was ready to cover the balcony. With Suigetsu on the bedroom entrance, and he covering the balcony, they would give enough of a heads up to Jugo to take Sasuke away. 

To where? Naruto had no idea. He wasn’t even sure this was a good idea, but it didn’t matter because Sasuke was clearly upset and no one in this room had been able to help him, not even his dad, who had just stood there, holding him back. 

“Kid, you want to move.”

“I don’t,” Naruto replied. “I really don’t.”

“Naruto,” Itachi stood up, brushing his pants. It wasn’t like the floor was dirty. “What do you think is going to happen to Sasuke? You want to move.”

“I don’t.” Naruto shook his head. “Everything has already happened to Sasuke, Itachi, if you haven’t noticed. And...and staying with you for a week clearly didn’t make anything better, in fact, I think it made things worse. He doesn’t want to be there.”

“It doesn’t matter what he wants,” Itachi said, his jaw clenched. “People are trying to hurt him. They’re not even going to kill him, they’re going to destroy him. If you care about him--” 

“Stop talking to my kid.”

Naruto blinked, his dad suddenly by his side. It would be a lot easier to keep them at bay with him there. He glanced at the doorway, where Suigetsu and Kakashi were still staring at each other, talking about something that seemed important, but that Naruto was scared would distract him from the two men trying to get out of the room, though the knife remained raised. 

“Minato, honestly,” Itachi said. “You know my brother isn’t safe. I’ve gotten countless emails already, asking about that video. They’re going to come after him. He’s not going to last with another teenager and a backpack.”

“He didn’t want to be there, that’s the only reason--” 

“Oh, please.” Itachi rolled his eyes. It was the very first time that Naruto realized that maybe Itachi wasn’t as polite as Sasuke was. “You walked away that day. You walked away, even when you thought that Kakashi was going to beat him. You don’t really care about my brother, you’re just trying to alleviate some of the guilt from ten years ago and trying to save your kid from puppy love hearbreak.” 

“I do care about him--” 

“If you did, you’d move, and help me find him.”

“But he’s not safe with you,” his dad said. “I can’t prove it, but I know that you’re the reason all of this happened in the first place.”

Kisame shifted closer. His dad moved in front of him, almost like he was legitimately scared that they were going to kill them. It was silly, though, because they wouldn’t. If they wanted someone dead, at least--Naruto had gone to meet both of them in the middle of the night in a motel. If they wanted him dead, they could have killed him a long time ago, and probably had time to hide the body, too.

“You’re right,” Itachi said. Naruto’s heart dropped to the floor. “You’re absolutely right, you can’t prove it, and even if you could, there’s nothing to prove. I didn’t do anything. I’m just trying to keep him safe, even when everyone else, who pretend to care about him, refuse to let me.” 

“Itachi...” 

He glanced at Kisame, before somehow making himself look more calmed, more threatening. “Look, I’m going to find him either way, but if you make it more difficult for me and you make the search take longer than it should, I will make sure that when I do find him, none of you ever see him again.”

“Fuck you! Like you’re not already planning that!”

Naruto couldn’t understand how Suigetsu could be paying attention to this conversation, while still, presumably, keeping the conversation with kakashi going. He could barely process the words himself.

“I wasn’t,” Itachi said. “But I will. Also, put that knife down, you’re going to cause an accident. I guess, logistically, that could be a good thing because you’ll go to jail for manslaughter and it would just be a tad easier to keep Sasuke away from you. On second thought, keep the knife.”

“Fuck you.”

“You’ve already said that, Suigetsu,” Itachi said. “But I do have to hand it to you for being such a good distraction. I hope that they haven’t found him yet, or else this would be awkward, wouldn’t it?” 

“He’s with Jugo.”

“He was with Jugo last time, too, wasn’t he?” Itachi shrugged. “They won’t miss this time. You’ll end up with a dead friend, and a missing one, and you’ll end up in jail. Quite the misfortune.”

“How do you think anyone can believe you care about Sasuke when you talk like this?”

Kisame stepped closer to his dad. “How can you feel the right to pretend you care more about the kid, when you had just been handing him over a few minutes ago?”

“I wasn’t handing him over, he isn’t a package to be handed--” 

“He’s--” 

“Kisame, it’s fine. Mr. Uzumaki is--” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Emotionally distressed,” Itachi finished. “He hasn’t slept in a few days, worrying about my little brother, and his own family. It’s okay, he still needs time to process the fact that the only way to keep Sasuke safe involves keeping him a little sad.”

Was this the Itachi that Sasuke had first met? The reason he’d been so...pissed when Naruto had gone to talk to him, had been so stressed, had gotten so broken in just a week of being with him? He was nothing like the Itachi he met in that motel room. That Itachi had been softspoken and polite, quite nice, sitting by the edge of the bed, nursing a cup of hot tea like an old man, finally settling down after a long life. This Itachi was...terrifying. 

Naruto still believed that he wanted to keep Sasuke safe, could see in the back of his eyes, but--but there was no doubt that keeping Sasuke safe was his priority, even at the expense of Sasuke’s well-being. Safe, but not happy. It was a hard compromise. It shouldn’t be, though. Sasuke deserved to be happy. 

“You can’t keep him safe if he isn’t happy! What are you going to do when he feels like it gets too much and--” 

“Kills himself?” Itachi shook his head. “I’m surprised at you, Naruto. I thought we all knew that Sasuke is too scared to do that. I imagined he’s scared of what would happen if he died and met our mom. I’m not worried about that--” 

“There’s other ways of killing one--” 

“Oh, sure. You mean emotionally dead. Yeah, he’ll get over it, or are any of you actually thinking that him being dead, but happy is better than him being sad, but alive?”

“They don’t have to be mutually exclusive--” 

“They’re not,” Kisame said. “That’s why the police are trying to find something, isn’t it? But they haven’t because Mr. Namikaze has better things to do.”

“I’m not in charge of the investigation.”

“Right,” Kisame said. Naruto watched Itachi glancing at him. “Really makes someone wonder why you’re still involved in this at all. It’s--” 

“It’s not my job. I’m involved because I care--” 

“About him. We all do, don’t we? That’s why Getsu is holding a knife to his throat, and why we’re all talking instead of trying to shove each other aside.”

“But,” Itachi said. “That doesn’t change the fact that Sasuke is in danger right now. Once he’s safe, he’ll be back with his normal life. He’ll come back, he can keep the last name, Kakashi, but until then, he needs to stay safe.”

But Naruto wasn’t budging, and neither was Suigetsu. Kisame was right, the knife was at his throat, which--which was an atonishing jarring image, but he said himself that he was only holding it because he knew that Kakashi wouldn’t try anything funny that way. And he wasn’t, Kakashi was still in the same spot, asking him to put the knife down. 

But the thing was that Itachi said until Sasuke was safe, but he was Sasuke Uchiha now, and there was no way to ensure his safety, ever. That meant that Sasuke would stay sad for the rest of his life. 

Suigetsu seemed to understand that, too.

And for a time, no one seemed to move, the room stilling entirely. Until Itachi’s phone rang. Naruto felt everyone else leaning a little closer in his direction, but it was hard to piece any useful information with Itachi’s one-syllable answers to the person on the other side. But then, surprisingly, he handed the phone to his dad.

His dad took it and Naruto’s attention zeroed in on him, trying to rid the small frown, not--not from worry. A little...he looked utterly heartbroken, somehow grateful, too, though. When he handed the phone back, Naruto was bracing himself to hear that someone had gotten to Sasuke already, again, but his dad was just looking at Kakashi.

“It seems,” his dad began. “That there’s been a break in the case and it seems they know the moles inside the company. They’re going to start rounding them--” 

“That’s great!” Naruto said, not quite understanding why Kakashi’s face was losing color, or why the knife was gone.

His dad turned to look at him, looking like he was doing his best to smile. A second later, it made sense. If Sasuke had just waited, just an hour or two, before uploading that video, he would have--have been able to keep living his life like nothing happened--or--or like something had happened, but still in the privacy of the name Hatake. Not...not like Sasuke Uchiha. 

It had to be a cruel joke, right?


	36. Chapter 36

“Are you ready?”

Sasuke finished buttoning the suit. It fit him well, just like a tailored suit should, but it was stuffy and. And he couldn’t blame it entirely, but he was at least somewhat sure that it was the reason for the massive headache that was tethering into migraine territory. It was fine.

The suit and the. The...the lack of sleep. 

It was fine. 

“Yeah,” he muttered, following Itachi down the hallway. 

His brother looked fine in a suit, like he’d been born to wear them. Because he had been. Professional. Smart. Rich. It was fine. If Sasuke was lucky, he too would grow into the uncomfortable dress code, and if he was lucky, it wouldn’t matter. It didn’t matter. It was fine. 

He climbed into the backseat, Itachi riding shotgun, with Mr. Hoshigaki driving. He liked Mr. Hoshigaki, was the one who generally talked to him, made sure that he ate something at least once a day, made sure he spent enough time with the tutors, a man and a woman who were too old and whose names Sasuke could never remember. It didn’t matter, he’d always been good at calling people  _ sir _ and  _ madam _ , and he had to keep brain space for more important things, like remembering to eat and distracting himself from. From whatever.

The drive was quiet. Sasuke didn’t mind. He might have dozzed off, but not for long, never for long, too long meant too many nightmares, and he couldn’t have those, not in front of his brother. Not in a car. Just in his bedroom, underneath the blankets, with sweat dripping down his back from the closed off heat. 

But they made it. To the cementary. Sasuke hadn’t been there since the day of his mom’s burial. His father’s ashes were buried next to hers, the gravestones neatly engraved with their names. 

Before. Before, Sasuke would imagine that one day, he’d come visit his mom’s grave, and take a moment to stand there, fill her with his memories, and leave flowers, all under the annonymity of the Hatake name. He would have knelt down and remained there, perhaps for hours, eneveloped by the small comfort of seeing his mom’s name, at the very least. He never imagined visiting with his brother, unable to do anything other than stand before the gravestones, his eyes blank, his face frozen. Unable to decide what he was feeling, terrifyied he wasn’t feeling enough, proud that he wasn’t crying for the cameras. 

With his hair black and his name plastered everywhere over the past weeks, even people coming to mourn the death seemed to have a certain...fascination for him and a need to sneak a few photos on their phones. Whatever helped distract them from the somber tone of the place, he supposed. He was happy to help. Entertain. It didn’t matter. 

When he made it back to the ranch that day, his brother had talked to him about his newfound lack of privacy, and the way his life was now up for grabs, and if he had made the stupid decision to make that video, he better make it worthwhile, regardless of how stupid everything had been. Sasuke understood. Consequences. It didn’t matter. 

“You’re not crying.”

Sasuke glanced at his brother. “You’re not either.”

“I don’t cry.”

Sasuke turned his attention back to their parents’ names. He hadn’t cried either. Still couldn’t. He. He still felt somewhat...removed from the world, like there was a veil in between him and everything else, and he just. Just couldn’t find the energy to try to tear it down.

He barely had energy to get out of bed every morning. But Itachi just didn’t have the energy or time to deal with a useless younger brother and. And Sasuke had forced himself onto his brother, without giving him a choice. So. So he got out of bed each morning, ate something, went to the living room, and paid attention to the tutors. It was the least he could do. 

He. He sort of fucked a lot of people’s lives. Except Jugo. He was back in school, not missing an entire semester for a bad friend like him. Apparently, Suigetsu was staying with Kakashi, and Urushi was fine, and. 

And anyway. 

It had been a few weeks, but it felt like a lot of years. It was fine. There was nothing to do. It was alright. It didn’t matter. In a way, there was relief because he had no choice anymore and if he had no choices, then he wouldn’t mess up anymore by picking the wrong one. Which was a good thing because he always had picked the wrong thing.

If he had just waited an hour or so before posting that video...

Anyway. He was prepared to. To live the rest of his life as payment for that foolish decision. 

“Are you done?”

Sasuke nodded. The stories that...that he would have wanted to share with his mom were not his anymore. Urushi chasing squirrels, Kakashi letting him fill out the scantron key in riddiculous patterns just to mess with the students, finally joining the soccer team with Suigetsu, just because Kimi was in it already, and. None of those memories ewre his anymore. He’d been desperately trying to get rid of them, honestly, but. But his brain didn’t have that capacity anymore. Not like when he was younger. 

Maybe because it was ten years instead of four. 

A decade was a lot to.

To erase.

_ Fugaku Uchiha _ .

He couldn’t even feel anger. There shouldn’t have been anger. But. But Sasuke...he still. The explanation that Itachi provided for that beating, and. And. Anyway. He would. Would have liked something else. Besides the image of a father trying to keep his sons alive. He still had sent Kakashi to beat him, which he understood, because he deserved it, but Kakashi hadn’t deserved to have to go through that. He would have liked an explanation, but his father was ashes now.

“Sasuke?”

_ Mikoto Uchiha _ . 

She was the only good thing about the Uchiha name, but she was still dead, and he was still here. He couldn’t remember much about the last time he’d been there, but he hadn’t cried that time either. 

He had been a horrid son to her, too, then. Just like he had been to Kakashi. 

He turned around, keeping his eyes on Itachi’s back as he followed him back to the car, picking up on Mr. Hoshigaki’s footsteps behind him, but unable to hear any sound coming from his brother. He was almost as quiet as his--Kakashi had been. He got in the backseat, strapping the seatbelt across his chest like he cared whether or not he flew into the windshield. 

He stared out the window for the three hours it took to arrive at. At.

It was a tall building. Whenever he had allowed himself to remember somethings about the time before Kakashi, he had assumed that the building felt taller than it was because he’d been a shrimp, but glancing up at it now.

It was still tall. Or he was still a shrimp. Their last name was still spelled out in golden letters. The parking garage was illuminated and the elevator had the company’s logo engraved into the doors. He couldn’t understand how his father had come to work every morning for years, only to be greeted by his reflection on the way up. Sasuke kept his eyes fixed on himself until he was out of the elevator, stepping into the top floor. 

Where. Where his father had been shot.

It was okay. If it was okay for his brother, then it had to be okay for him, too. 

There was a lady behind the desk, her hair a shade of blue that Sasuke could. Could only describe as tastefully punk. 

“They’re ready for you, Mr. Uchiha.” Her voice was soft and low, with a faint sharpness to it that was somewhat unsettling. 

Or maybe it was just the nerves. 

Itachi nodded, fixing his tie. Sasuke did the same because he didn’t have anything to do with his hands, and. And he needed to do something acceptable with them. 

He followed Itachi into a conference room, a long table stretching down the room. The chairs looked comfortable, but the table. It. It. Anyway. It was fine, those weren’t his memories anymore. There was a man sitting across the table from where Itachi sat, and from where he sat a second later, and there was another man, younger, behind a camera. 

Itachi hadn’t exactly sat him down to memorize lines, but. But Sasuke had gotten the message. Crystal clear. It wasn’t his life anymore, and it was fine. It was a nice reporter, one he recognized from the evening news that. Some channels that used to be on in. 

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The reporter could have been an asshole, all things considered. He didn’t say much, just enough. But he shook his hand as firmly as he could, nodding at the gratitude for sitting down with him, and letting them come. Itachi signed some papers because Sasuke wasn’t an adult yet, and Itachi was his guardian now. 

Sasuke had ripped that title away from Kakashi and the only one who could have picked it up was Itachi. 

“You didn’t sound nervous,” he said, once they were inside their father’s--Itachi’s office. It had a nice view. No mirrors, just a large window, overseeing the city. A desk, a computer. A chair.

He couldn’t even remember the questions, let alone his answers to them. If he couldn’t feel sadness, it. It made sense that he couldn’t feel anything else either. It was fine. Nerves were not appropiate anyway. It was fine. “Did you want me to be?”

“Some emotion would have been nice.” Itachi was looking through some folders. Probably important ones. “We can’t both be emotionless robots, Sasuke.”

“Understood,” he said. Apparently, nerves were normal and expected and he was a freak. He knew that. Not the freak part, although he should have seen it coming.“I’ll turn on the fireworks next time.”

Itachi glanced up, “I’m serious. You were the idiot who put yourself in this position, at least be helpful.”

Sasuke couldn’t argue with any of that because he was the idiot who put himself in the position and he should be helpful. So, he nodded and stood by the door until his brother was ready to leave. Some hours might have passed. Some more passed before they made it back to the ranch. It was a cold night. Most nights were cold, even in February. He took some grapes to his room, locking the door, knowing it didn’t make a difference because Itachi and Mr. Hoshigaki both had a key, and heading to the bathroom. 

He stared at himself, still not used to the black hair, not sure he would ever be used to it, but. But it didn’t matter. He looked stupid with a tie and a suit, but that didn’t matter anymore. He washed his face, and looked again--without the makeup, at least he could recognize the dark bags under his eyes. 

He just needed to cry. Practice. For. For whenever he was supposed to be more emotional. Obviously, he knew that he would be better at it than Itachi, but it was more difficult than he expected. 

He had nothing to cry about, not anymore. And even if he did....his body seemed to be exhausted, a little numb to it. He actually--he had no right to emotions anymore. Maybe this is what happened to his brother. But. But it couldn’t be because Itachi had always been like that. And it had been somewhat expected of them before, and...and it was hilarious that when he finally managed to stop being a crybaby, he needed to be. 

The irony of it all was. 

Anyway. Anger was definietly not the emotion that Itachi needed from him. Plus, he. He had no reason to be angry. Maybe anger at himself for failing to cry. 

Why couldn’t he cry?

What was wrong with him?

He was so stupidly useless. 

\-----------------

“Can I come in?”

Naruto threw the covers over himself. Everyone kept telling him that he had to stop looking up Sasuke online, but it was difficult not to do it. It was hard to do anything else--Kakashi, or rather, Mr. Hatake told him that it would hurt less if he forgot about everything, but Naruto couldn’t bring himself to do that, no matter how well it worked for everyone else. He knew that everyone was a little broken because he refused to believe anything else, but they all seemed to be fine. 

He was vaguely aware that Jugo and Suigetsu were no longer on speaking terms because Jugo had taken Sasuke back to the ranch, and that Mr. Hatake was dealing with some...questions at school that could only be described as harrassment, and that his classmates kept looking at him like he was both an idiot and a god. For apparently fucking Sasuke  _ Uchiha _ . Naruto had gotten detention for a month for breaking someone’s nose. Because they hadn’t fucked and because he wasn’t Sasuke Uchiha. 

“Kiddo?”

And the worst thing of it all was that Naruto couldn’t...get passed his dad not doing anything to stop everything. 

“No,” he called over, loudly so his words were not muffled by the blankets. He stopped hearing the knocks. 

He turned his attention back to his phone. He’d block calls and texts, only kept it around because he needed to look Sasuke up, each hour dragging on as he waited for the headline that mentioned one more Uchiha dead. 

There had been theories floating on forums. Naruto had made one too many accounts to argue with idiots, but the theories wouldn’t stop, and Naruto, he...he couldn’t argue with everyone. 

There was a new interview. He clicked on it, watching the page load painfully slow. It was a reporter for an evening news show that Naruto couldn’t care less about, calling it an exclusive interview with the Uchiha brothers. 

He wanted to throttle the reporter already, but he kept watching. 

It was Sasuke, wearing a suit that fit him perfectly, making him look somewhat older and younger, all at the same time, sitting next to Itachi, wearing a similar suit that only made him look his age, his real age, a twenty-two year old with his life together. Pleasantries were exchanged. Sasuke sounded calm and collected, pleasant and polite, and soft-spoken and thoughtful. The similarity to Itachi was uncanning that it would be difficult for anyone to suggest that they weren’t brothers; they clearly were.

But Naruto knew it was a lie; Sasuke kept saying that he was happy to be with his brother, again, grateful they both found each other again, excited to keep pushing the Uchiha vision in whatever capacity he could, to better the world and serve the people. All sweet sentiments that...that reminded him of the first time that Sasuke slept over, when they stayed late arguing about the world’s systems of oppression. But the thing was that the Sasuke sitting in that badly lit room, next to a brother who no one really  _ knew _ , wasn’t the Sasuke who had been telling him that people in power wouldn’t change anything because they benefitted from hurting other people. It should be the same person, and if it had been, maybe Naruto would let all of it go and move on, regardless of how difficult that would be, because at least, he knew that Sasuke  _ could _ and  _ would _ do something to better other people’s lives.

But it wasn’t that Sasuke. 

The Sasuke speaking didn’t sound broken--by all accounts, there was nothing wrong with him, except  _ everything _ . Starting with the lies slipping past his lips and ending with the dead eyes. 

He felt the bed dip. He jabbed the pause button, just in time for the blankets to be pulled away from him. 

“I said no,” he said, turning around. But it wasn’t his dad, it was his mom. Her hair flowing freely down her back, staring at him with frown lines on her forehead. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” his mom said. “But we’re worried about you.”

Naruto huffed, sitting up, glaring the opened door. “I’m worried about Sasuke and yet, that doesn’t seem to matter.”

“Everyone’s worried about Sasuke.”

He rolled his eyes. “Right. Yeah, clearly. That’s why everyone is bending backwards to help him.”

“How do we suggest we help him?”

Naruto handed the phone to his mom, rewinding the video and focusing on her expressions as she watched it. The frown lines remained, and her eyes softened. At one point, she sighed softly, sadly. She understood, then. Of course she did. But she, just like everyone else, refused to do anything. 

It wasn’t fair to anyone and...and Naruto would very much like to kick Sasuke’s ass, but...but that didn’t mean that he didn’t deserve help. He might have been the moron who put the video up online, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need help--the fact that he put the video online would suggest that he needed the most help right now, but had been abandoned by everyone, perhaps because of his own fault, but he was still isolated. 

At the very least, someone could make sure that he still had anxiety medication available to him. 

“I know this is upsetting,” his mom said, setting the phone on the bedside table. “But he couldn’t very well stay with Kakashi, could he? Kakashi can’t offer the protection that the name Uchiha warrants.”

“You can’t possibly think that he’s safe right now. He looks like he’s twenty seconds away from jumping off a window! He’s wearing makeup!”

“It doesn’t look like he--” 

“He is!” Naruto couldn’t know by watching, but he  _ knew _ . Because he knew Sasuke--enough to know that he couldn’t possibly be looking as perky as he did in the video, but not enough to have stopped him from climbing down that stupid tree and posting the video. “But no one’s helping him. I’m mad at dad, and I think I have good reasons to be angry at him.”

“Your dad--” 

“He could have done something. Even before all of this, did you know that he went to see Sasuke and he told him that he didn’t want to be there anymore? You know that, right? And dad just left. Left him there, by...himself.”

“Your dad cares about Sasuke, his safety and well-being. You’re hurt, and you’re trying to blame someone to get rid of some anger, but you can’t be unfair to your dad, either. He couldn’t actually do--”

Naruto just grabbed the blankets and pulled them over himself again. Eventually, he felt the bed shift, and heard the door closed. He turned his attention back to his phone, until he could feel the room getting darker. He shoved the blankets off of himself and climbed down his balcony, walking over to Mr. Hatake’s house, ignoring the cold. He should have grabbed a scarf, or a sweater, at the very least, but he would manage.

He wasn’t going to go to see Kakashi. Not for him. For Suigetsu. 

He got it. Would get it. He’d been ballistic when he found out that Jugo took him to the ranch. Naruto had been a little scared. 

But he would get it. Even if--if he was shoving a backpack into his car. Slamming the trunk shut. 

“You want something, blondie?”

Naruto glanced at the car. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah.”

“Where are you--” 

“Doesn’t matter.” Suigetsu walked over to the driver’s seat. “Do you want something?”

“A ride to the ranch.”

Suigetsu huffed. “You won’t be able to see him.”

“Doesn’t hurt to try.”

He huffed. Again. “Lift up Kakashi’s shirt tomorrow in that expensive school of yours and see how much it hurts to try.”

Tomorrow was Saturday. “What?”

Suigetsu nodded at the car. Naruto climbed inside a second later, Suigetsu doing the same, but not starting the car. “He got drunk, a few nights ago; I mean,  _ very _ drunk. Started muttering something about how he promised Sasuke that he wasn’t going to drink anymore, even though when he promised that, he hadn’t been drinking. Apparently, someone had dipped his clothes into alcohol, to make Sasuke think he’d been drinking. Convulated, I know. He heals almost as slow as Sasuke does,” he chuckled. It sounded angry. “I used to make fun of Sasuke because I thought it was genetics.”

“And?”

He started the car. “Apparently, some people have been, or were, threatening him rather badly--” 

“That’s--” 

“Bad, I know. I think he tried to see Sasuke, but he couldn’t. Of course, I do know he started sparring properly now, so maybe he just got beaten up too badly from that. But that wouldn’t explain the alcohol. He’s never drank. I mean, ever, ever. He hasn’t stopped drinking, now, though. I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten fired.”

“He doesn’t act drunk.”

“Good actor,” Suigetsu said. “Anyway. They might beat us up, too, just so you know.”

“I don’t care.”

“I know,” he said. “That’s why I’m driving you.”

“If they hurt Kakashi, then--” 

“No. Sasuke’s fine.”

“How do you know?”

Suigetsu shrugged. “Because I can’t believe anything else, or I might actually go to prison for attempted murder.” 

Naruto understood that particular sentiment. “You really care about him, uh?”

“He’s a dumbass.”

That wasn’t at all what Naruto asked, but it made complete sense, and it was clear that the answer was  _ yes _ . And that was all that needed to be said. Naruto spent much of the time going over what Suigetsu said. Someone  _ could _ be actively hurting Sasuke, which meant that his dad would have a legitimate reason to take him away. Child abuse. 

It went back to that, didn’t it?

“Naruto?”

“Thought I was blondie?”

“You are, but not when I’m like this,” Suigetsu said, parking the car. There was nothing around. Just a road, and endless amount of trees that were just somewhat darker than the night. “They might be dangerous,” he sighed. “I mean...actually dangerous. Kisame, I know for a fact, is, and I haven’t seen the blond guy, but I know he forges important documents.” 

“What? Why didn’t you tell this to my dad?”

“Because I don’t really like your dad that much,” he said. “I don’t like cops. And I understand why someone might need to forge documents for a living, or sell things that maybe shouldn’t be sold for a living. I get it and I can’t judge for that, and I’m a not a snitch. I’m a firm believer that snitches get stiches.” He turned to face him. “I’m just telling you because it might get ugly and they’re scary.”

“I don’t care. I should call my dad.”

“There’s no phone reception anymore. Plus, if things aren’t going to escalate, your dad being here will definietly escalate them. We’re just visiting Sasuke, before I go back to the east coast.”

“But we’re not, right?”

“I hope not. I’d much prefer to drag his cute ass out of there. Mostly to slap him a little, and then maybe make sure he’s okay.”

“Maybe we can make sure he’s okay before you slap him a little.”

“Schematics,” he said, starting the car again.

But he didn’t drive for long. There was a ranch. It must be beautiful in the day, but right now, it looked terrifying. It looked like plenty of people could die there and be forgotten by anyone and everyone. Naruto glanced at Suigetsu, but he couldn’t spot any signs of fear. He wasn’t scared, either. They were just hear to make sure that Sasuke had his anxiety medication, which apparently wasn’t a lie, he realized, after Suigetsu reached for an orange bottle in the backseat. 

“You were going to come here already, weren’t you?”

“Just to try to kick his ass, before leaving.”

“Right,” Naruto said. “Well, it’s now or never.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Suigetsu got out of the car. 

Naruto followed along, bypassing the house and heading for a...barn. Naruto watched, somewhat alarmed, as Suigetsu slipped something inside the knob, and a second later, the door was opening. But the light turned on before either of them were inside. 

A man with orange hair was standing by the left wall, next to the light switch. “You two are tresspassing.”

“Call the cops,” Naruto said. “Asked for Namikaze.”

“Clever,” the man said. “But you’re still tresspassing. Do you really want your dad to come and arrest you?”

“We just came to drop this off for Sasuke,” Suigetsu said, slipping the bottle out of his pocket. “And then we’re leaving.”

“Are you sure? Naruto doesn’t seem like he’s willing to leave so easily.”

He couldn’t understand how the man knew his name, but it made sense. Itachi had somehow had his number, too? Right. Suigetsu had just told him they were dangerous. It seemed like knowing his name would be a piece of cake. “I just want to see him.”

The man moved towards them. But nothing happened, except that he walked past them. “Well, then. Follow me.”

They looked at each other, but followed him. If the outside was creepy, it was nothing compared to the hallways, neverending. He got dizzy. It was...a perfect place to murder someone, but Suigetsu was walking confidently, and he probably knew where they were going. They stopped in front of a door, after walking for, probably, three hours. The man opened the door with a key, turning the knob, and stepping inside. 

“Sasuke, you have visitors.”

Naruto stepped inside after Suigetsu, his eyes focusing on Sasuke, who was standing in the bathroom, his shirt off, staring at something. Moving closer, he realized, he was just staring at a mirror. He’d been right about the makeup. His dark bags had never been darker. Like a proper raccoon, now.

Sasuke turned to face in their direction, but Naruto couldn’t be sure that he was looking at them. He didn’t look like he was looking at anything. But at least his stomach was...not hurt. 

“What do you guys want?” He didn’t sound much like himself, either.

Naruto’s bruises had finished healing, but his tone reminded him of that time in the bathroom. The last time he’d seen him outside of the internet, outside of stupid interviews. 

“They came to drop of anxiety meds. They wanted to see you.”

“I don’t have anxiety,” Sasuke said. Even though they all knew that he did, clearly. Maybe more than before, probably, Naruto couldn’t be sure, but he had a sick feeling in his stomach. “And I don’t want to see either of you. Leave.”

“As if,” Suigetsu said. “You’re being an idiot. And you do have anxiety. You’ve always had anxiety, I mean, with good reason, but--” 

“But it doesn’t even matter because you’re not you.”

Sasuke turned to him, a raised eyebrow. “I am Sasuke Uchiha now, not someone either of you know or met. You need to leave.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“You heard him, boys, you need to--” 

“You shut up, too!”

Naruto appreciated Suigetsu because he could yell at the stupid man in the room with him, while he tried to find something in Sasuke to scream at, to tether him to the real world. “You’re Kakashi’s kid, whether or not you want to be! He raised you. And he cares about you. He’s been drunk and sad and--” 

“He’ll get over it, he’s an adult.”

Naruto drove his fist into his stomach. Before holding him up by the shoulders and kneeling him, doing a rather good job at blocking the groan. “Fuck that! He tried to see you. They beat him up. They hurt him. Apparently made you think that he’d been drinking, got drunk, when he didn’t, what kind of--” 

“What?” Sasuke’s voice was low, pained, because Naruto punched hard, he knew that, but he sounded more like himself, now. Which was a win, even if he had to hurt him to get him there.

“Guys--” 

He took a deep breath, the words flowing out of him a thousand miles a second. “Yeah! They did. They hurt him and are criminals and they made his clothes smell of alcohol. Threatened him, is that really the kind of people you want to associate with? I--” 

Sasuke moved in front of him, holding him by the wrists. There was a gun pointed at them. It was black. The barrel darker. Naruto tried to move away, or to move Sasuke away, so the gun could stop pointing at him, but he didn’t budge. The hold in his wrists tightened. 

“Kakashi couldn’t keep his mouth shut, could he?” The man tsked his tongue, shaking his head. “We warned him, Sasuke. We did. I thought he could keep his promise, but apparently not. Really makes someone wonder how he shut his mouth so well about you for so long, but I guess it doesn’t matter now.”

“Please, don’t.”

The gun moved away from them. To land on Suigetsu. Naruto glanced at him, tried to move towards him, but Sasuke wouldn’t budge. Suigetsu was looking utterly calmed, though. More than he could be. 

“I promised Itachi that I wouldn’t hurt you, and I haven’t, but everyone else is fair game. Especially now. It’s Kakashi’s fault, Sasuke, you need to understand that. He shouldn’t have come that day, and he should have kept his mouth shut. I understand this is stressful and confusing for you, so as a sign of good faith, I’ll let you choose who dies first. Your best friend or your boy--sorry, your ex.”

“Sasuke, let me go,” he whispered.

But he didn’t. Just one hand. Naruto never noticed the death grip that he had. Suigetsu didn’t seem to have noticed either, because Sasuke somehow managed to drag him behind him too. They were squeezed, and Sasuke couldn’t possibly protect both of them, but he somehow seemed to be managing holding them in place, even when he knew that Suigetsu was trying to get him to let go, just as much as he was. 

“Pick, or I’ll pick for you.”

“Me.”

“Stop being an idiot! I’m going to kill you!” Suigetsu wasn’t holding a gun to Sasuke, but Naruto believed the threat for a second. 

But Sasuke didn’t budge. 

“I can’t kill you, Sasuke. I promised your brother.”

“You did.” That was Itachi. Naruto hadn’t seen him, hadn’t heard him, but he was leaning against the doorframe, looking comfortable and relaxed, more than he should be. Sounding just like he looked. “He can’t kill you, Sasuke, he promised. Move.”

“No!”

Itachi moved closer, standing inches away from the man, staring directly at them. 

“Listen to your brother, Sasuke. If you do, I promise, I’ll make--” 

The man never finished that promise. He was on his knees, blood spurting from his throat, his hands somehow moving to the cut, but the blood not stopping, continuing to pour down the screen, onto his shirt. He landed face down on the floor. 

“Naruto, help me move him away.”

“You killed him!”

Itachi sighed. “Yes, I did. Help me move him.”

“I’m not touching him.”

Itachi raised an eyebrow. “Look at Sasuke, and Suigetsu. Do you think they’re in any shape or form fine staring at a dead body bleeding on the ground?”

Naruto glanced at them. Sasuke’s face was white, his entire body seemed translucent, except for his lips that had a faint blue tint to them. Suigetsu was on his knees, dry heaving into the ground. 

“Do you want them to be more traumatized?” Itachi asked, already having turned the body. 

His eyes were wide open. Gone. 

Naruto moved to pick up the feet, while Itachi picked him up by the shoulders. The shoulders went out the room first, and Naruto walked, letting Itachi guide him down other hallways. Until the air felt less stuffy, and they were back in the barn, the lights still on. 

“What happened?”

Itachi halted before Naruto did. The body was bent. It was dead. He was carrying a dead body. 

A dead body.

His dad was a cop.

And he was moving a dead body. 

“Kisame...” For the first time, Itachi sounded worried. Even more worried than he sounded the night of his press conference, the night of Sasuke’s birthday. “He was going to hurt Sasuke--” 

“No, he wasn’t. He wouldn’t have.”

“He was going to hurt everyone else, and Sasuke would have shot himself.”

Itachi wasn’t lying. Sasuke would have. Naruto knew that. Everyone with a brain knew that. It was still a wonder that no one had thought it a good idea to get Sasuke more...aggresive professional help. 

“And you?”

“I still care about the same things, I swear.”

Naruto was holding a dead body, but he was curious. He shouldn’t be. But he was. This was insane. There was a dead body. Itachi slashed the throat like it was nothing. The man had just fallen down. Holding his throat, like that would keep him alive. “What?”

“Medicine,” Itachi said. “Kisame, I swear.”

“What are you going to tell Konan?”

“I don’t know,” Itachi said. “What are you going to do?”

Kisame stepped closer. Naruto could barely pay attention to him because he was holding a dead body, carrying him. But he was still the less shock out of them because he wasn’t throwing up on the floor and he wasn’t paralyzed. He was just helping. Carry a dead body. It was fine, it had been self-defense, his dad would understand, he would, truly. Honestly. It had been--

Kisame was grabbing the shoulders now. “Clean up the blood, I’ll take care of this. Naruto will help me.”

Itachi left. And that meant that he was now standing in a barn, holding a body with a criminal. A bad person. He didn’t know anymore. 

“Come on,” Kisame said. 

“We should call the cops.”

“We should not,” Kisame said. “He wasn’t even supposed to be here. He’s been dead for a long time.”

“What?”

“Doesn’t matter, kid.”

\-------------

Suigetsu’s vomit was mixed with the blood. Someone’s blood. Sasuke scrubbed the floor harder. It wouldn’t go away. Everything was red. And it. It wouldn’t. It wouldn’t go away. No matter how hard he scrubbed, Suigetsu was still puking his guts out and someone’s blood was on the ground, smearing everything red. 

He was always getting people killed. Itachi had just murdered someone, like. Like. 

The blood was still on the floor. Someone splashed something clear. He looked up. It was Itachi. It smelled of bleach. Itachi got on his knees, too, scrubbing. Not as hard. But it seemed to be working. It was fine. There was less red now. Blood. Blood. It was blood. Itachi yanked the towel out of his hands, shoving it into a bag. 

“Why did you kill him?”

Itachi dragged him to his feet. He slapped harder than Kakashi, his skin burning with a second one before Itachi let him go. “Because he had a gun pointed at you.”

“You just murdered--” 

A third slap shut him up. He couldn’t do it. He stared down at the floor, until Itachi forced his chin up. From the corner of his eye, he could see Suigetsu standing up, but not moving towards them, looking too upset, too angry, too sad. 

“Why did I kill him?”

Sasuke glanced down at the spot. It was clean now. No red. No blood. No sign that a person had just died there. Just like so many other people. He shut his eyes when Itachi raised his palm again. 

“Sasuke, why is he dead?”

The burning was...it was. It was beginning to center him. At least he could feel it which. Which meant that he wasn’t completely broken, like he thought he was when he’d been staring at the bathroom mirror for hours. He could still feel something, even. Even if it was pain. It was something. 

He wasn’t completely broken. 

It was a good thing. 

“He had a gun,” Sasuke said, opening his eyes, knowing his cheek would be bruised tomorrow, but it was okay, because if he was lucky, maybe, he would still be feeling that. He wasn’t completely stupid. 

“And?”

Suigetsu was watching them. Somewhat murderous, but. But it was okay. It’s not like he didn’t want to slap him either, Sasuke knew he did, badly. Probably just angry that Itachi had gotten to him first, even if it was probably for different reasons. “He was pointing it at me. He was going to shoot. It was self-defense.” 

Itachi let him go. “Good.” Turning to face Suigetsu. “Take him to Kakashi. I need to deal with other things now, thanks to all of you.”

“Where’s Naruto?”

Itachi went to the closet, grabbing a sweater.“Upstairs. Let’s go, I need to go up, too.”

Sasuke let Suigetsu take him, easily spotting a red mark on his wrist, where he’d been holding him only minutes. Hours? It didn’t matter. He left a bruise on his best friend’s wrist. He’d gotten a gun pointed at his best friend. And. And. 

And. And Itachi had murdered someone. 

Being above ground did nothing for his breathing. Seeing Naruto covered in blood did nothing for him, either. It was just the shirt. But he took it out when Itachi handed him the sweater. 

Itachi escorted all of them to the car. “Stay put, until I tell you. Suigetsu, drive safely.”

It didn’t seem to Sasuke like Suigetsu should be driving, but he nodded. Sasuke closed the door. Naruto got inside, in the passanger seat. It was quiet. Suigetsu was driving. The ranch was fading away, even if Sasuke couldn’t see anything much. Suigetsu was driving. Of course he was. Away from the ranch. Someone was dead. Because of him. He’d been an idiot. He closed his eyes, but. But opened them because there was too much blood. How had he gotten him killed? He’d been such an idiot. His brother had become a murderer, just to protect him. He should have. Should have. Should. 

Should. 

Could. 

Should try to breathe. He. What. 

He poked his cheek. Feeling the tenderness. Itachi should have hit harder. Maybe Kakashi would. He. He’d gotten. They had. If he hadn’t been drinking, that meant that he also hadn’t walked into a pole. Sasuke couldn’t believe he had. He had believed that lie. It was a lie. Kakashi had gotten beaten up because. Because of him. Obviously. Why else? 

Maybe Kakashi. Sasuke had been such an asshole to him, and maybe Kakashi would be an asshole back. He should. Just. Even if Sasuke didn’t deserve it because that would mean he would feel something, be allowed to keep feeling. It was something that didn’t belong to him anymore because his feelings and thoughts had led to all of this--to a dead man. But. But. 

He poked harder. 

Trying to focus on what Naruto was saying. But. But he couldn’t. Suigetsu seemed to be talking back, but he couldn’t listen well. There wasn’t anything preventing him from listening, but he couldn’t seem to make sense of the words. Because he was an idiot. He had to be. He’d always been an idiot, of course, but he’d taken it to a whole new level now. 

Someone was dead because of him. His brother was a killer, now. Because of him. Naruto had. Had probably been an accessory to murder. It was. It was. 

Suigetsu stopped. The car, did. In front of. Kakashi’s house. Naruto opened the door for him. But Sasuke shook his head. He couldn’t go in there. He’d been such an idiot and Kakashi had suffered and now. Now. He’d. 

He had. 

Naruto took his seatbelt off. “Sasuke, come on. You need to get inside.”

Suigetsu was somehow shoving his shoulder towards the direction of the door. Sasuke turned, finding him kneeling on the seat next to him, the other door opened, shoving him. “Do you want me to call your dad so he can come get you?”

That would be worse than Sasuke showing up. Unannounced. He got out of the car, walking up the driveway, his hands inside his pocket, his nails digging into his palm. Not centered, not like the pain in his cheek had, but. But it was fine. He didn’t. His feelings weren’t for him anymore. He did his best to ignore the twisting in his stomach, the thretening pressure against his throat. Suigetsu rang the doorbell. It was long. Stubborn. It wasn’t fair. To wake Kakashi up like this. Or Urushi. There was the bark. But when the door opened, Urushi wasn’t there. Just. Just Kakashi, standing still in job clothes. Pants. Matching shoes. Shirt tucked in. The black belt. It wouldn’t be difficult for him to take that off. Less difficult to. To. 

“Where’s your shirt?”

Suigetsu pushed him inside, once Kakashi moved aside, closing the door only once all of them were inside. 

“Sasuke? Your shirt?”

He shook his head. 

“Go put something on, you’re making me cold.”

Sasuke would. Would rather not go upstairs. It wasn’t his place anymore. Not. Not anymore. But. But he also didn’t want to be the reason that Kakashi got sick. Selfish, he knew. He. He already established he was a shitty, selfish person. He made his way upstairs. There were footsteps behind him. Kakashi, he realized when he got inside the bedroom too. Not his anymore. It looked the same. But. But.

But it wasn’t his anymore. He wasn’t. He’d broken that relationship, in the bathroom. Right there. 

A few feet from where he was standing. It was. Was. It was his own fault. 

“Sasuke, put something on.”

He jerked, looking around. The drawer was there. Someone’s dresser. Someone’s closet. Someone’s clothes. They fit nicely. 

“Are you hungry?”

He shook his head. He wasn’t. He couldn’t. Couldn’t. What had he eaten today? Maybe some--

“What did you eat today? You’ve lost weight.”

Sasuke nodded. He had. He didn’t weight himself, but he could tell. He’d been regaining some muscle, too, though, because Itachi said it was important to maintain image, and part of that image was looking healthy and attractive. Which made sense. It was something that their parents had said enough times. It was true. So. Anyway. Muscles. And loss of hunger made for some interesting combination that. That didn’t matter. 

“Sasuke?”

“Grapes. I ate grapes.”

“Just grapes?”

Sasuke thought back to the day. Just blood. There was blood on the ground, Itachi holding a knife. Before that, there had been a gun pointed at Suigetsu. Before that, at Naruto. Before that. He had. Had just been staring at himself in the mirror. Trying to feel something. He could feel now. Itachi had been kind to him, allowing him to feel something again. Which. Which seemed to be fading now. But. But. 

Before that. There had. There was the interview. Itachi telling him that he needed to emote better. That’s why he’d been staring at the mirror. Before that. They had. There were the gravestones. The faded memories. Nothing. 

“Just grapes.”

“You need to eat something else.”

He shook his head. 

“It’s not healthy.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“What did you eat yesterday?”

Sasuke. He. He’d eaten a cucumber. Water. There was a piece of chicken that Hidan had practically forced down his throat. Because he’d been a stubborn idiot. “Chicken and cucumber.”

“And what else?”

He shook his head. “Cereal.”

“Maybe you should eat something.”

“I’d rather sleep.”

Kakashi nodded in the general direction of the bed. “Be my guest.”

Sasuke shook his head. He couldn’t sleep there. “I’d rather sleep downstairs.”

“No.”

“It’s--” 

“I said no,” Kakashi said. “It’s here or in my bedroom. Pick.”

Sasuke stared down at the ground. But. But he couldn’t because blood might be there. Pathetic. The ceiling had remained off-limits and now, so was the floor. At the rate he was going, he would have to poke his eyes out. He was so pathetically weak. He shook his head. But that didn’t matter. Kakashi took his wrist. Of course it shouldn’t have mattered. Sasuke was an idiot. It was crazy that Kakashi still seemed to have enough faith in him to choose. But he didn’t, so Kakashi chose for him. 

Urushi was in Kakashi’s bedroom. Sasuke’s chest grew heavy, but. But it was fine. It was. It was. It was. It didn’t matter. He was just. It was fine. It was just a dog. Someone’s dog. He was soon in Kakashi’s bed, under the blankets, on his side. 

“I’m going downstairs to settle down Suigetsu and Naruto, but I swear, Sasuke, if you’re not here when I come back, I’m going to lose my mind, got it?”

Sasuke nodded, watching him leave, and ignoring the dog’s licks. It was hard. But he managed and the dog eventually settled down. Kakashi came back later. Much later. Late enough that it was early enough for the darkness to began to fade, some sunlight peeking through the curtains. 

He sat next to him, his knee touching his back. Kakashi brushed his hair back, but Sasuke couldn’t feel that. Not anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was prob my least fav chapter


	37. Chapter 37

Itachi arrived only seconds after he arrived. Minato had just declined the offered coffee when Kakashi moved to the door again, opening it after checking who it was through the peephole. A few seconds later, Itachi was declining coffee too. 

“Where’s Sasuke?”

“Upstairs,” Kakashi replied. “Suigetsu is keeping an eye on him.”

Minato walked to the living room, where Naruto was sitting down, not drinking coffee, but holding a cup of tea. He had no idea what happened, except that when he woke up, there was a text from Kakashi and one from Naruto, both saying that he was over here, staying the night. Kushina had refused to come over, saying that they had to work out their issues and maybe a change of scenery would help. A change of scenery might help, but this house was not exactly the correct scenery. 

Somehow, apparently, Sasuke was upstairs, not arriving with Itachi--Minato wasn’t thinking too much about it, but looking at Naruto, he knew what happened, judging by his deer-caught-in-headlights expression. They went to get him, somehow managing to drag him back here--the only thing that didn’t make sense was Itachi. It was a different kind of calm that didn’t grate on his nerves, like it was no longer a facade, although it should be because Itachi should be enraged. 

“Go upstairs.”

Naruto glanced up from the cup. Without a word, he stood up, his eyes fixed on Itachi. But he moved, and disappeared down the hallway. Minato counted the sounds his feet made against the wooden stairs, ensuring that it was all of them, relaxing when he heard a door opening and closing. Experience told him that he should head over to make sure that Naruto wasn’t eavesdropping, but wisdom suggested that he was, and that it wouldn’t make a difference either way, not with the way he’d been looking at Itachi. 

Kakashi passed him, taking a seat. Itachi did the same. It took a moment, for Minato to realize that they were waiting for him. He had only expected to pick up Naruto and take him home, but it seemed like that would take a while, so he took a seat.

The intensity was worse than in the interrogation room, but it wasn’t directed at himself, as he would have expected. It didn’t seem to be directed at anyone, just Kakashi and Itachi staring at each other, sizing each other up. 

At last, Itachi sighed. “Someone was going to kill Naruto and Suigetsu, so I killed him. You won’t find anything incriminating, but Naruto did help move the body, so he might need some therapy for a while. I wasn’t going to ask him, but Suigetsu was puking and Sasuke looked like he was going to pass out.”

Minato blinked, glancing at Kakashi, but someone must have filled him in--probably Naruto--because there wasn’t a trace of surprise on him. Naruto might need therapy? Of course he would need therapy, his son’s wide eyes making more sense now. He pushed down his initial desire to yell by taking a discrete breath. “Why are you telling me?”

“Because Naruto is your son, I can see how much you care about him, and although he wasn’t freaking out too badly yesterday, he might freak out soon and he might need help.”

All of that was very kind, but it would have been kinder if Itachi hadn’t done any of that. “You just confessed to a murder.”

“Like I said, you won’t find anything,” Itachi said. Somehow, Minato believed him. “I have an excellent legal team at my disposal, and I think we all know the kind of miracles that a good legal team may do for a person. Furthermore, even if you did find something and you put me in prison, like we all know you want to do, you’d be putting Sasuke in an...unfortunate situation. I know you haven’t seen him in weeks, but Kakashi can attest to the fact that he is formally broken now, and going through the process of my public trial, only to end up as a seventeen-year old CEO is going to be a little too much for him.”

Minato wanted to do more than put him in jail, he mostly wanted to punch him. But over the weeks, he’d come to consider why Itachi grated on his nerves so much and had come to the realization that maybe it was because, unlike himself, Itachi was emotionally constipated. That couldn’t be his fault and the truth was that Itachi was just a twenty-two year old, masquerading as a much older adult. Kushina had spent some time reminding him of some of the less than ideal things he’d done at that age, none of which involved emotionally abusing someone, of course, but at least it was an opportunity to empathize more. 

“Your Board of Directors wouldn’t take a seventeen-year old CEO.”

“My Board of Directors love him, actually. Kakashi made sure he had an impeccable record over the years, he’s sweet, polite, attractive, and young enough for them to walk all over him, if they want. Nothing at all like our father. They’ll wait a year, maybe, until he’s an adult, but they’ll take him and Sasuke will let them. With a couple of good publicists, I’d be a faint memory, and Sasuke would let them do anything they wanted because he’s too scared of himself now. In a few years, he’ll burned himself out and finally jump off a window, and the Uchiha line would have ended, but the company would be rebranded and functional.”

“Why do you talk about your brother like that?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“There are a lot of things that can--” 

“Perhaps if you went upstairs and saw him, you’d understand,” Itachi said. From the corner of his vision, Minato saw Kakashi sighing, nodding slowly. “We went to visit our parents’ graves yesterday. It was like looking at myself.”

“You haven’t killed yourself.”

Itachi’s smile was...sad. The expression somewhat scary on his face. “No, I have not. I don’t want Sasuke to kill himself either--” 

“And yet--” 

“I understand,” he said. “I do. You think that I’ve had a direct line in ensuring that Sasuke wants to kill himself, and I probably do. I know a lot of the responsibility is on me and I’m not making excuses for any of that. I’m just letting you know that if you try to arrest me for murder, you’re going to be unsuccessful, but in the off chance that you aren’t, you’re going to be responsible for his suicide, too.” 

“What do you expect that I do, then?”

Itachi raised an eyebrow. Minato took some comfort in making him look surprised. “Ask some officers to keep an eye out for Sasuke, occasionally.” 

“What?”

“You do want him back, don’t you, Kakashi?”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, too. Minato couldn’t blame him, this didn’t make sense. If Itachi was worried about Sasuke, like he’d been claiming forever, then he wouldn’t just hand him over, let him live in the street where he’d been kidnapped. The truth was that Minato didn’t feel right letting Sasuke live here either because he  _ had _ been kidnapped twice, one of them in front of his own house, it wasn’t safe. The other time, he’d been driven back to the house next door, where their neighbors had been murdered and the kidnappers made base. It wasn’t safe. It couldn’t be.

“It’s not safe--” 

“It is, now.”

“What?”

Itachi shrugged. “The man who died might have been the last person threatening him.”

“That doesn’t make sense--” 

“It does,” Itachi said. “Do you want him or not, Kakashi?”

“I--” 

“Of course, I do expect him to visit occasionally, for purely sentimental reasons--”

That also didn’t make sense. Itachi was toying with them, but Minato just couldn’t  _ think _ quickly enough to figure out why or about what.

“And I can’t have him worried about money, so you’ll have to accept some money. It’s his, really--” 

“No.”

“Seriously?”

Kakashi nodded. 

“Fine, fine. At least let me pay for the mental health services he’s going to need. Dr. Uzuki wasn’t it?”

“I--” 

“How do you know her?”

Itachi shrugged, “honestly, I’m surprised at you, Minato. I thought it was well-established that Sasuke’s business was my business.” He stood up, “I don’t want trouble, with you specifically, Mr. Namikaze. I hope we understand each other, but if you do want to arrest me, you know where to find me. I’ll be at the ranch until three today; I have to stop at the office after that and I might not get back until midnight. It’s a long drive.”

Minato watched Kakashi follow him down the hallway, both of their footsteps silent, coming back after presumably, hopefully, locking the door.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?”

He considered for a moment. “I think I’ll take the coffee now.” Kakashi nodded, heading to the kitchen. Minato joined him, then. “Are you...you do want him back, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” he snapped. “Itachi just gets on my nerves.”

Minato accepted the cup. “I--” 

“But he wasn’t wrong. If you are going to arrest him, at least give me a heads-up, so I can try to deal with Sasuke. You might need a heads-up to deal with Naruto, too.  _ He _ thinks he’s going to go to prison for moving the body, I couldn’t get him to sleep last night. Suigetsu kept throwing up, he...” he shook his head. “Just give me a heads-up.”

Minato wouldn’t put it past Itachi to have asked Naruto to help him move the body as leverage, but he couldn’t understand why he didn’t mention it. “Do you mind if I go upstairs?” When Kakashi shook his head, Minato did, checking Sasuke’s bedroom first, but finding it empty. There were voices, Naruto and Suigetsu, coming from Kakashi’s bedroom, though. He bit back a sigh of relief when he found all three of them, on the bed, Urushi squeezed there, too. 

“Are you going to arrest me?”

Suigetsu and Naruto were both looking at him. Sasuke didn’t move from his position on the bed, lying down on his side, his back to them. “No. I’m not going to arrest you. No one is, it’s okay--” 

“Itachi did...he told you what happened, right?”

“He--” 

“It was self-defense,” Suigetsu said, Naruto nodding next to him. “He was going to kill us. He was going to kill Sasuke.”

Minato sat at the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb Urushi. “He mentioned that,” he said. “But it would be nice to hear it from your perspective.” He was looking at Naruto, but it would be nice to hear it from everyone’s perspective, though he doubted that Suigetsu or Sasuke would be doing much of the talking. Sasuke didn’t even seem like he was aware of anything, making what Itachi said all the more foreboding. 

Naruto glanced at Suigetsu, at Sasuke, before turning back to him. “I left the house and Suigetsu was there, and so we went to the ranch,” he paused. “The man, he had orange hair and nose piercings. He took us to Sasuke’s bedroom, and...” he bit down his lip, but not with fear, just worry, staring down at Sasuke. “He wasn’t acting like himself, so I punched him and kicked him, and I told him that they’d hurt Kakashi, and--” 

“And the man pulled a gun,” Suigetsu said. “He pointed it at Naruto, but his back was turned to it, so he couldn’t see. Sasuke.” The sound of the doorbell resonated down the house. “Sasuke, he pulled him behind him. The guy said that he would let him pick who died first, but Itachi was there, he was close enough to...slash his throat.”

“And then I helped him moved the body.” 

“And what happened then?”

“He--uh, he,” Naruto cleared his throat. “He met someone, it was Kisame, and he said he was still interested in medicine. Itachi left, and Kisame was there. I helped him move the body out of the barn, but afterwards, he threw it over his shoulder. He told me to turn around because he didn’t want me to have nightmares, and that I shouldn’t see where the body ended up because I could go to jail for helping--” 

More like he didn’t want Naruto to know where the body was so that they wouldn’t be able to find it. Although, Minato would be a liar if he wasn’t grateful that at least Naruto didn’t take part in the disposal. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t called him; he’d known he’d started out the year as a less than stellar dad in Naruto’s eyes, but he should have called him. 

“And he said that wasn’t fair.”

“Did you hear anything?”

Naruto shook his head. “I wasn’t...paying attention.”

“And in the meantime, you guys were--” 

“Puking,” Suigetsu said. “Sasuke was...I don’t know. Itachi came in afterwards and he told me to bring Sasuke here.”

“Right.” That still didn’t make any sense. None of it made sense, except that Minato couldn’t help but feel some reluctant gratefulness to Itachi for keeping them safe. “Sasuke?” He waited, but the only thing that happened was that Suigetsu sighed and Naruto shook his head, with matching expressions. Sasuke might as well be a statue. “Do you guys mind leaving for a bit?”

They both clearly did, but they did leave--it was weird, the way that Suigetsu was listening and cooperating; he was under no impression that Suigetsu liked him, much less trust him, but maybe he was unsure of what to do anymore. Much like everyone else. He waited for the door to close again, and went to the side of the bed, crouching before Sasuke. There was a ghost bruise on his cheek, his eyes were opened, but they weren’t looking at him. 

“I’m sorry for not doing more when I could have,” he said. It was true, although the law hadn’t exactly been on his side; although, clearly, sometimes, the law was wrong. He had walked away that day, even though it was one of the few times that Sasuke had been so assertive about what he did and did not want. “But if you want anything that I--” 

“I want you to leave.”

Minato bit back a sigh. It was the first time that he heard Sasuke sounding...angry. It was understandable, and there was nothing wrong with that, except that Minato knew that eventually, he would be apologizing for that, too. “Of course, but we can’t leave you alone--” 

“I’m not going to leave,” Sasuke said. “I’m just here, but I want you to leave.”

Minato nodded and stood up. He left the door half-open, somewhat expecting Sasuke to say something about that, but he never did. Kakashi was still in the kitchen, staring down at a cup. Suigetsu brushed his shoulder when he headed upstairs. He found Naruto on the couch, Kushina sitting next to him. When the bell rang, Minato hadn’t considered who was ringing it, but he would have expected someone else, anyone else. Kushina kissed Naruto’s temple, whispering something to him, before standing up. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” he said, because she was his wife, his high school sweetheart, and he might not be able to read everyone’s minds, but he could read hers. “Ku--” 

“Maybe he’s just tired of all the testosterone in the room,” Kushina said. Sasuke might be, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to see Kushina, either. Minato understood, it was painful for him. “Kakashi said he didn’t mind.”

Minato glanced over his shoulder. Kakashi was standing outside the kitchen, giving him a nonchalant shrug; of course he wouldn’t mind, Kushina could be, objectively, speaking a rather scary woman. “He just--” 

“He needs to eat,” Kushina said. “He can be sad, but he needs to eat something.”

Minato stepped to the side, watching her march upstairs. He headed over to Kakashi. “You know--” 

“I wasn’t going to stop her,” he said. 

Minato couldn’t blame him, although there was something to be said about Kakashi understanding, too. But perhaps, he realized, seconds later, when Sasuke and Suigetsu were in the kitchen, looking through the fridge, Kushina was...what he needed, she’d been right, maybe there was something to be said about forcing Sasuke to deal with a mom. 

“You’re going to eat something besides that apple, right?”

Sasuke’s face turned a deep red. “Yes, Mrs. Uzumaki,” he mumbled, having clearly been thinking of just eating that apple. He snuck his hand inside the fridge, pulling out a yogurt before Suigetsu closed the door. 

Kushina’s arms were crossed. “I’m going to make food and you’re going to eat it, right?” When Sasuke nodded, she stepped to the side. “Good. Go sit down, both of you.”

Suigetsu looked like he was going to say something, but Sasuke seemed to have enough of a clear head to drag him to the living room. To Minato’s utter surprise, he took a seat next to Naruto, crossing his legs and opening the yogurt. He was fiddling with the cover, until it became a makeshift spoon. Minato turned his attention back to the kitchen, where Kakashi was handing a pan to Kushina, and then a pot, clearly listening and following to her instructions. 

He went to stand next to them, watching Kushina chop onions without blinking, without crying. She was amazing. “I’m going to the ranch,” he said, keeping his voice low, just for them to hear. “I won’t arrest him, Kakashi, but I need to talk to him.”

Kakashi nodded, and he left. 

There wasn’t as much traffic as there could have been, but it took awhile to arrive there. He wasn’t coming to arrest him, wasn’t coming to look for a body--wouldn’t have been able to anyway, by himself and even without a warrant, regardless of the clear  _ probable _ cause a confession created, he was just coming to talk to Itachi. Naruto had said that Itachi was nice and while his son had an ability to continuosly see the good in people--except Kakashi at the beginning, apparently--he was hoping that there had been some truth to that and Naruto hadn’t fallen for Itachi’s act. 

In a way, perhaps, he’d fallen for an act, too. 

He parked, getting out of the car. Goats that hadn’t been out the last time he’d been there, that time he  _ had _ walked away from Sasuke, were grazing, eating the green grass. Carefully, he moved towards the house, knocking once. Twice. It was before three, wasn’t even noon, but Itachi could have been lying about being there, he could have been--

“Is it a yes on the arrest, then?”

“Not yet,” Minato replied. 

Itachi was wearing a sweater and pants that looked more like pajamas, wildly uncharacteristic of him. “Well, come on in,” he said, stepping to the side.

Minato did, watching Itachi motion to a green couch in the living room. He took a seat, glancing around. There was nothing. “Why are you giving Sasuke back?”

Itachi dragged a chair to sit in front of him, the screeching sound across the floor loudly. “I told you. He’s properly broken, he might kill himself, and I might not like you, but at least I understand that your son is the only way that Sasuke had been getting sleep. He hasn’t slept properly since the last time you saw him, and I’m worried about him.”

“Will you drop the act and--” 

“It’s not an act,” he said, leaning back on the chair. “I understand that my demeanor might make you uncomfortable, but it’s not a lie and it’s not an act. I took him to our parents’ graves to let him...release some of the pent-up emotions, but he didn’t react. It was...quite unsettling. Sasuke was always an emotional child, no matter how much he tried to pretend he wasn’t, and I’m worried about him. Your entire family seems very emotional, so maybe some close approximation might do him some good.”

“You can’t guarantee his safety--” 

“I can. I did,” Itachi said. “You’ve looked, haven’t you? All of the names of those criminals, they’re missing or...committed suicide.”

He had seen that. Shikaku had been nice enough to fill him in, after his access to any kind of information vaguely regarding Sasuke was removed. “And when you say committed suicide, you really mean murdered, right?”

“I mean suicide,” Itachi said, “just like Danzo committed suicide.”

“You killed him?” He couldn’t have, though. Minato had gone through everything; more importantly, Shikaku had gone through everything. He wouldn’t have missed something suggesting that it was murder.

Itachi raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t matter what you think, Minato. I’m just letting you know that it’s taken care of and--” 

But Itachi wasn’t denying it. Though, he doubted that it made a difference what he denied, Minato had made up his mind about him a long time ago. “Can you just be honest for one second in your life?”

“I am being honest,” he said. “True, I haven’t necessarily told entire truths, but no one ever does that. It’s my tone of voice, or so I’ve heard. Makes people confuse as to--” 

“It’s not your tone of voice,” Minato said. “It’s the fact that ever since you first interacted with Sasuke, you’ve belittled him and made him--” 

“When I saw Sasuke again, he was being an idiot,” Itachi said. “He ran away and stayed on the streets after being kidnapped by the man who murdered our entire family, everything about that is idiotic, and I took it upon myself to inform him of that fact, much like any adult should have done. A lot of teenagers do a lot of stupid things, but--” 

“Fine. You said that the man whom you killed might have been the last person to hurt him, would hurt him. If you cared so much about Sasuke, then why hadn’t you killed him--” 

“He hadn’t threatened him,” Itachi said. “I wasn’t planning on killing him, doing so created a couple of problems that I had to deal with, including the slipping morality that I was hoping to avoid entirely, but Naruto and Suigetsu showing up changed a couple of things. I had to improvise; it meant killing someone and it meant sending Sasuke back.”

“I think you sent him back as a show of good faith so that you aren’t arrested and you can keep the company.”

Itachi shrugged, “you can think whatever you want, I’m not trying to change your mind, but you asked me to be honest and that’s what I’m doing. You can arrest me, I’m not scared of going to prison, but I’m assuming that you have seen Sasuke by now and I’m assuming you understand how fragile he is right now.”

Sasuke remained on the bed, even when they were talking about him, right in front of him; Sasuke had never sounded angry, had never asked him to leave. For some reason, Kushina had managed to get him downstairs, but the kid still looked like he was about ready to walk off a cliff, without any tears, without ever realization what he was doing. “You slapped him, didn’t you? Was that also because you--” 

“Your son has beaten him, too. Just yesterday, in fact, but maybe you missed the blossoming bruises on his chest, with your entire attention focused on his cheek. Kakashi has beaten him, too. I know that you know that because you told Kakashi that if he beat him again, you would arrest him; once again, disregarding Sasuke’s mental health in favor of his physical one. I slapped him because he asked me why I murdered the person I did, and I slapped him because I know that he was sympathizing with him, having had a couple of enticing and interesting conversation with the person--” 

“You--” 

“You can’t argue that point. Sasuke sympathized with Orochimaru; at one point or another, he had to mention how he never lied to him. I imagined that it’s not his fault, of course, Orochimaru always had a certain ability to entice younger children to do and feel certain things.”

Minato’s jaw was clenched. He tried to relax it, but couldn’t find the will to do so. “That still doesn’t explain--” 

“The man had a gun pointed at Sasuke because he was trying to shield both Naruto and Suigetsu with his body, rather foolishly, I may add, because he’s an idiot. If they hadn’t shown up, he wouldn’t have a gun pointed at Sasuke and I wouldn’t have felt the need to kill him. Sasuke’s emotional and mental health would have continued to deteriorate because that’s the kind of environment this is, but,” Itachi paused, rubbing his forehead. “Look, the truth is that that man was the reason that Sasuke posted that video online because he’d promised he’d keep him safe and he was getting annoyed that I was distracted because he wasn’t safe. The fastest way to make sure he was safe was to have him here, and so he convinced Sasuke--or actually, he walked Sasuke through the thought process of outing himself online, so that he’d be forced to stay here.” 

“And you were okay with all of that?”

“I told him not to listen to him, but Sasuke, I guess was just...too far gone to really listen or understand. He posted that video the same day.”

“Say all of that is true,” Minato said. He had reservations--a lot of them, with good reason. “Why not mention something before, or at the very least not treat your little brother like a piece of crap?” 

“Doing my best to pretend I don’t care about my foolish, little brother is the only reason that all of this didn’t happen years ago. Plus, Sasuke was being, generally, an idiot. Now, if you aren’t going to arrest me, then please excuse me. I was planning on taking a nap.”

Minato stood up, not planning to arrest him. He should have because a murder was still a murder, but Itachi wasn’t wrong--about Sasuke not being able to take that, about him probably never finding the body. He walked back to his car, the goats continuing to eat some of the grass. Everything that Itachi said needed to be considered and he wasn’t entirely convinced that Sasuke’s safety was ensured, but he couldn’t argue that Itachi’s way of keeping Sasuke safe through the past months had been aggressive, and he would never let him go if he wasn’t entirely convinced that he wasn’t safe. He’d just confessed to murdering a friend to keep him safe, after all.

But It turned out that Itachi wasn’t wrong either, when it came to Sasuke’s...emotional state. No one could get him to talk. Not Kakashi, not Naruto--definitely not himself, not even Kushina or Suigetsu. He would eat, not much, but still something, though sleep--elusive, according to Kakashi. Saturday night, Naruto tried to stay over, but Sasuke hid inside the bathroom, and Kushina took Naruto away. On Sunday, Itachi called Kakashi, telling him to make sure Sasuke made it to school, which was just one of those things that Minato couldn’t figure out, either. Itachi had started a rather polite and convincing public campaign to allow his brother to continue his life in relative anonymity, because he wasn’t eighteen yet, and he needed to finish high school. 

\-------

Sasuke suspected, if he could ever really suspect anything because that would require higher thought process, and he was incapable of that, that he was only allowed back to school because he passed all of the previous semester’s finals with excellent marks and because he’d promised that he’d attend Saturday detention, for the one he needed to make-up.

That and. And the notoriety and the money that. That the name came with now. He remembered the first day of school, back in August, when he’d been nervous and stressed, when his biggest problem. Was. Was his father. If he had a time machine, he’d go back to his first day of school and scream at himself to cut it out and stop being so dramatic, that everything could and  _ would _ turn worse. 

So much worse. That. That if he did have a time machine, the truth--well, he might use it to kill and commit suicide, all at the same time. 

It didn’t matter.

Everyone stared at him. And it. It was fine. Even if he wasn’t, there wasn’t a lot that he could do.

It was fine. 

Staying in Naruto’s shadow was. 

It wasn’t the end of the world. 

For the most part. But a small part--Naruto’s shadow was. Was somewhat suffocating. Just like everything else. It was his own fault, of course, but. But it still was. 

“The bleachers are not a good place to hide.”

He turned around. Karin was leaning against a pole, her arms crossed, her hair longer than the last time he’d seen her--back, back. Back. Anyway. It was just slightly longer. She walked closer, taking a seat next to him.

Sasuke would have told her to leave, or would have greeted her, but he’d since lost the right to voice anything, let alone wishes. 

He. He still couldn’t believe what an asshole he’d been to Naruto’s parents.  _ Again _ . At the time, he’d--they. It had been a lot, because he’d been aware that Naruto had moved a dead body, along with his brother, and he’d been aware that the man died because of him, and. And how was he supposed to look at a  _ police officer _ whose son had just committed a crime because of him? Let alone face...Mr. Uzumaki. Who cared so much about him and. 

And he’d treated him, and his wife, like crap.  _ Again _ . Like always. 

“But I guess they’re better than the bathrooms.”

The bathrooms were better because at least, he could pretend to be sick and stay there. It had been a mistake to be back in school. Much like every single mistake he had done lately. Not lately--over the past three months. 

“A lot of people are talking about you. I’m not pretending to understand a lot, but it might do some good to set some things straight. Rumors can be an awful thing, especially for someone like you.”

Sasuke hadn’t uttered a single word to anyone who wasn’t a teacher, or Dr. Tsunade, but. But maybe if he humored her, she would leave him alone. “It doesn’t matter.”

Karin glanced at him, a small frown on her face. She looked so much like Naruto, then, and. And Sasuke had never considered that Naruto looked like his mom, but he must look like her, for Karin to look like him, now. “It should,” she said softly. “But I get it. You grew up with unproportional responsability and hyperawareness of everything, and now, everything that happened feels so much like your fault, that you won’t even pause to consider how everyone else was at fault, and you’re terrified to move and breathe and talk because you just  _ know _ that you’ll make it worse. I get it.”

Sasuke couldn’t. He looked away. How many conversations...it’s not like they ever talked much. Most of the time they saw each other outside of school, it was in Naruto’s house, and Karin was always too preoccupied with Mr. Uzumaki to pay any attention to him and--

“And I just want you to know that...you’re wrong. It’s not all your fault and you probably will never accept it, but you should at least have someone tell you--” 

“It is.” He cleared his throat, his voice not used to existing anymore. “You don’t get it.”

“Didn’t I just tell you exactly how you feel?”

She had. And yet. She didn’t get it. She couldn’t. “You don’t--” 

“I do.” Karin patted his shoulder. It wasn’t as awful as it should have been. “And it’s not right. You’re not an adult, you can’t--” 

“It’s--” 

“ _ No _ . Some adult should have watched out for you. An adult should have been there for you.” She shoved him, unexpectedly, making him lose his balance. “You should be angry and disappointed, at a lot of people around you, but not at yourself--” 

“You don’t get it.”

“I don’t get everything, but I get some stuff.” Karin shrugged. “When my parents separated, I really thought it was my fault. I kind of think is my fault, still, sometimes, when I’m feeling down--” 

That wasn’t comparable, at all. Not that. That Sasuke would--

“And that’s why I always talk to Uncle Minato. When my alleged father,” she spit the word out worse than he could have ever done himself, “started hitting my mom, I really thought it was my fault, so I would try to do a lot of things to make it better, but it never worked...because it wasn’t my fault.” She huffed, “and then, I started to think it was my fault because my uncle works for the police, and I didn’t say anything beforehand. But no one did. I was like six. I couldn’t have--” 

“You were six, of course--” 

“But my mom couldn’t have either, and she’s an adult. She was a victim and now she’s a survivor, and you’re a victim and you’re a survivor. I don’t know how my mom did it, and I don’t know how you’ll do it, but I--I,” she cleared her throat, a faint blush on her cheeks before she looked down. “I just wanted to let you know that...I’m here for you. I don’t know how many people have told you that they’re proud of you, and I don’t care, and I don’t care that, like, you probably think I’m a weirdo now or something, but  _ I’m _ proud of you, and...I hope you can be, too, sometime.” 

She moved to stand up, but Sasuke grabbed her sweater. “Thank you, Karin,” he said once she was sitting down, again. That was. A lot. She looked like she was going to start crying, which. Which Sasuke didn’t know what he would do if she did. Out of everyone he’d interacted with, he was the crybaby, not...not other people. “Sorry to hear--” 

“Don’t,” she said. “My mom’s an amazing person. I want to be like her when I grow up. I’m just telling you because I think you’ve been amazing, too. I...lately, I’ve been so  _ angry _ on your behalf and I know it’s not my right or responsability or anything, but I...you’ve been hit so much, lately, I guess, and you’re still here, and that’s amazing.”

“It’s not--” 

“Don’t you dare. It is. Objectively.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Objectively?”

“Yes. I’m serious. Don’t argue. You might not feel like it, but you’re a subjective participant, so--” 

“So are you, aren’t you?”

“No.” She shrugged, “our relationship is nonexistent, that’s why I can have a clear head about everything.”

Sasuke let her go. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Some...professional help may be useful.”

“Naruto moved a dead body. My brother killed him.” He touched his cheek, no longer hurting, no longer feeling. Anything. “It was self-defense.”

“That’s...awful,” Karin said. “But professional help may--” 

“If I say that to a therapist, they’re going to arrest some people. I can’t.”

“Was it a bad person?”

“I don’t know.” It was a person who. Who probably didn’t deserved to die, betrayed by...presumably a friend. That would be like--like. Like Suigetsu killing him. “It might have been, but that doesn’t mean he should have died.”

“Sometimes, it helps to worry about yourself, only, instead of everyone else--” 

“That’s selfish--” 

“I think the correct term is self-care.”

Sasuke huffed, standing up when the bell rang. Loud. He was convinced that the bleachers had speakers installed, too, there was no other way that it would be this loud all the way out this way, away from the school’s main building. Whatever. 

“You won’t...”

“Of course not, that would be stupid,” Karin shoved him, again. “I’m good at keeping secrets, I promise, but you should really consider...help. More appropriate help, the objective kind.” They began walking to the main building. “I...but I wasn’t kidding, I mean. If you do need something, I am here for you.”

Sasuke nodded. He believed her, she seemed...rather serious, considering. She didn’t exactly have to tell him everything like that, but she had. And. And it would be stupid if he listened to it and still didn’t believe her. It was just that. That he didn’t. Didn’t know what to do with the offered help, considering that the only thing that he really wanted was.

Was just to lay down and. And just stay there. 

But it was a nice sentiment. 

He watched her go to the math hallway, before he made his way to English. Naruto asked him where he’d been, but he only managed a shrug. He--he couldn’t imagine what Naruto must be feeling now, after...becoming an accomplice to murder. Or a murder cover up. Sasuke, he just. Just couldn’t face him after that.

English was always a longer class, for some reason. Maybe because it had to do with...feelings. The book they were reading, he was supposed to be reading, was  _ Brave New World _ . Which was hilarious. He absolutely understood the downsides of a society where people had to do what they were supposed to do and their. Their everything, destiny and life were planned from the beginning. But. 

But he wouldn’t exactly mind the. The lack of choices. 

Some structure.

He had structure, of course, until. Until his brother didn’t want him anymore. Without an explanation, of course, of course. The. Being forced to murder a friend because of him would probably make for some resentment and the silent treatment. It was fine. 

It was. 

And if it wasn’t, it. It had to be. There was nothing else for him, except for everything to be fine. 

The hallway to chemistry stretched on forever. The lockers lining the walls, identically suffocating. But it was okay. He didn’t have to look at anything, except the floor, because Naruto was making it exceedingly easy to navigate the crowd. There was no crowd, because everyone parted for him, like he was something else other than a stupid child. Whatever. 

He looked up when he entered the room, spotting Kakashi in the back of the room, a pile of papers next to him. Lab reports, maybe. Probably tests. And then the bell rang, and Sasuke could feel everyone’s attention, moving from him to Kakashi. Like they were expecting more entertainment than a talk about the different kinds of concentration used by chemists. 

When the last bell rang, people loitered in the classroom, but. But it was nothing like the way Kakashi and he could loiter. 

“I’ll see you...tomorrow?”

Unfortunately for Naruto, but. But Sasuke nodded. Kind of. He moved his head. And then watched Naruto wave Kakashi goodbye, walking out of the classroom, leaving them alone. Sasuke remained at his desk until Kakashi grabbed his portfolio and picked up the car keys, almost two hours after the school day ended. 

Sasuke followed him to the car. It was quiet. Mostly, his fault. He knew. Knew that. 

But what could he possibly say to the man who constantly got saddled with a snotty kid? Even apologies would get tiresome. Eventually. Not even apologies, just his voice. Sasuke had only really talked to Karin and he was already sick of his voice. 

It was okay. Not talking for the entire week was fine, he was doing other people the favor, and they didn’t have to thank him, obviously, but it would be nice for them to understand that it was okay, there was nothing wrong with him. He was just.

Anyway. Anyway.

It was Saturday. 

The week days had dragged and dragged, with some monumental lack of sleep because now, everytime he walked out the door, that house was right there, and he was there and it was like watching a film of everything he’d done wrong. There was a sale sign in the yard, but no one should buy it. A couple had died there and Sasuke didn’t even know who they were. 

Itachi had chastised him once for asking why Orochimaru had picked their family, like asking was the same thing as wishing it onto someone else, but it didn’t matter because a couple had died and. And their family must have lost them. They did, obviously, and it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t okay that they died because of a kid with whom they never even talked. 

But it was Saturday and Suigetsu was at work and Kakashi was in his bedroom, presumably, though who could really blame him if he wanted to step outside and get a break from him? But that only meant that Urushi was alone, outside of his bedroom door, like a dead carpet. Sasuke grabbed the leash, stepping out of the house because him being an idiot didn’t mean that an animal should be neglected. Had already been neglected, of course, because Sasuke hadn’t looked at Urushi the entire week, but. 

It was fine, the way his feet dragged across the driveway, fighting to return back to bed, back inside. It was fine because eventually, there would be a squirrel and Urushi would simply drag him into a run. 

But he paused in front of the house, the grass greener than his own, or the Uzumaki’s yard. Somehow. 

He still had the bad dreams. Maybe they were night terrors now, but. But he couldn’t really remember how he’d gotten there, couldn’t remember if he recognized where he was before they opened the garage door and told him to stay down, unless he wanted his cute boyfriend to end up with his guts splattered on the street. Sasuke had obviously not wanted that and he had stayed down. He couldn’t have done anything else, he supposed. Or, he could have done a lot of other things differently, but the sheer possibilities were too overwhelming and horrible to think about, so he couldn’t. And yet, even with the dreams replaying over and over in his head, every single night, he couldn’t remember much of anything.

It was probably for the best. Maybe worse things had happened inside that house than he could remember and his brain had shut down to safe him more of the...horrid details.

If. If that was the case, then his brain couldn’t be  _ completely _ useless. 

He turned and continued to walk down the street. Just walked, until he was in downtown, in front of the sandwich spot that Suigetsu was apparently working some odd hours, when he wasn’t taking a class in the community college. That--that. Sasuke had obviously missed a lot, but that was a conversation that he would have loved to hear. 

Suigetsu was behind the cashier, his eyes narrowing when he looked up and spotted him. He moved his head, in what Sasuke could assume was an invitation to come in, so he looked down at Urushi and Suigetsu understood. There was an announcement posted on the door, prohibiting animals who were not service animals. 

Sasuke was a lot of things, but he would never lie about Urushi being a service dog because if he found a squirrel inside the building, he would go ballistic, and Sasuke would be responsabile for giving service animals a bad name, and when a real person with one came into that building, they might get asked and treated the wrong way and. And Sasuke just couldn’t have that in his conscience, either. 

He moved to sit in a bench, breathing somewhat easier when he began petting Urushi behind his ears. He was an older dog, now, of course, and. And Sasuke couldn’t believe he’d been ignoring him for a week, after not seeing him for months, just because. He didn’t even know. Urushi might passed soon, and he’d just being ignoring him and--

“Here.”

He looked up, blinking at the brown, paper bag hovering in front of his face; only a few seconds later, registering Suigetsu holding it. 

“It’s food.”

He shook his head, only to have it shoved closer to his face. But he just wasn’t hungry. And he knew that even without words, Suigetsu could understand, he was just being stubborn about it. Sasuke was sure that they could read each other’s minds, even if Suigetsu probably didn’t like to read his anymore. It was gross. 

“I’ll give you a ride.”

He raised an eyebrow. It--

“I’m off. You’ve been sitting here for four hours.”

It had been getting somewhat colder. It made sense now, the way that Urushi’s black fur had begun to blend more into the surroundings. 

A whole day wasted, just like that. 

If someone took a video, or picture...that wasn’t. It wasn’t the right image to portray, not even if Itachi didn’t want him anymore. He was such an--

“Come on.” 

Sasuke followed Suigetsu to his car, Urushi jumping on the backseat. Sasuke got inside on the passenger side, looking at the window whenever the car stopped in front of an intersection. It was just something he had to do, otherwise the heart rate increased and. It was fine, of course, he could go the rest of his life censoring everything that could trigger him like the fucking idiot that he was. 

Suigetsu talked. Sasuke kind of nodded along, although he was sure that Suigetsu was just reading his mind for commentary. Whatever. It was fine. Until it wasn’t.

“You can’t be a fisherman,” he said.

“I sure can, I think that if I--” 

Sasuke sighed. “If you’re stranded in the ocean for too long, you’re actually going to think that you are a shark and you’ll jump in and get eaten by a white shark.”

Suigetsu paused. Probably because he knew that Sasuke was right. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It is.”

“I don’t--” 

“Stop, Getsu. You’ll turn into a bigger idiot than you are already.” Not like Sasuke could be talking about being an idiot, couldn’t possibly judge. He, too, would turn into shark bait if given the opportunity. “And--” 

“Not every fisherman is eaten by a shark.”

“Not every fisherman has been obsessed with sharks since forever. You should just work at an aquatic zoo, or something.”

“Aquatic zoo? The fuck is that?”

“Just a zoo, but only with ocean animals.”

“Like...an aquarium?”

Uh. That is the correct word, isn’t it? Sasuke just nodded. And they were back home, anyway, so it didn’t matter. He got out of the car before Suigetsu could say anything else. Got Urushi out, too. 

“You never ate the sandwich.”

“Not hungry,” he said. He wasn’t. He couldn’t exactly remember what he’d eaten that day, but he just didn’t feel like eating. Enduring the faint headache was better than spending energy to move his jaw to chew and then even have to swallow. He just couldn’t do it. 

“What--” 

“I’m not hungry, Getsu.”

“You need to eat something,” Suigetsu said, closing the door and following Sasuke to the living room. “Even if it’s just a little bit of something.”

“ _ I’m not hungry _ . You eat it.”

“I already ate. But you--” 

“Just leave me alone!”

“As soon as you eat something!”

Sasuke took the bag and threw it across the room. It must have landed somewhere in the kitchen, and then Sasuke did the mistake of looking at Suigetsu and--and whatever feelings had been brewing a second ago, were gone like they never existed. “I’m sorry. I...I’ll go eat it.”

It had landed in the kitchen. When Sasuke went back to the living room, he found Suigetsu pretending not to cry, rubbing his eyes like nothing happened. He pulled a chair back, taking a seat, and opened the sandwich, finding it to be peanut butter and jelly. He took a bite, not quite glaring at Suigetsu the way he should have because he still looked upset. It was difficult to swallow, but he managed. 

“It’s fine.”

Sasuke had heard that before. Mostly, when he told himself the same thing, every second of every day. “It’s not, I shouldn’t have thrown it like that. I didn’t mean to, you know I like PB&Js.”

“Yeah, I do,” Suigetsu said, his hand reaching for the other half of the sandwich, though he didn’t like them. “You’re a weirdo like that.”

“At least I don’t like sandwiches with just ketchup and mayo.”

“It tastes delicious, you just haven’t seen the light yet.”

Sasuke took another bite. Swallowed. And then another bite, just because he couldn’t quite get the thoughts to transfer to his mouth. “You’ve had nightmares, too.”

“Everyone has nightmares.”

Not like that, though. “I know you think the head doctor is for pussies, but you should consider--” 

“Aren’t you the one who--” 

“It. It would be good, for you, I mean.”

“Fuck you,” Suigetsu said, not a trace of anger in his voice. “I’ll go if you go.”

“I don’t--” 

“You do. You clearly do.” Suigetsu gave back the half of the sandwich, having taken a bite of it and apparently deciding that he hated them just as always. “I can’t count the times I’ve woken up with you screaming some variation of  _ please don’t kill anyone _ . I’m not judging, of course, I’m just letting you know that in between both of us, you need a head doctor more than I do. You’re not eating and you’re not sleeping, and this is the first time in a week you say a word to me; if you’re not careful, you’re going to need more than one head doctor. You’ll have to be hospitalized.”

“You wake up crying, too--” 

“Yeah, just cuz I’m saddled with an idiotic best--” 

“You know that’s not true,” Sasuke said. “I haven’t...I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend that I don’t know that you haven’t been speaking to me because your head somehow made everything you’re fault. Look, I’m not saying anyone should die like that, but if it was him or you, I’m glad the fucker’s throat got slashed. Even if I had to see it.”

Sasuke grabbed the piece that Suigetsu refused to eat. “It’s--” 

“It’s fine, Sasuke. Really. I’ve even apologized to Jugo for freaking out like that, even though I’m still convinced that he had no business taking you there, regardless of how cute you look with a ridiculous pout on your face--” 

“I wasn’t pouting,” Sasuke said. “I was just...” 

“Tired?”

He nodded. He just wanted...he couldn’t even remember anymore. There was nothing he had wanted, perhaps, except just to disappear. He still wanted to do that, of course, but he couldn’t because. Well. Because. What would people say? His mom was still dead and he still couldn’t do it. 

“I’m going to the store, do either of you want something?”

Over the past week, it had become increasingly difficult to realize when Kakashi entered the room. Sasuke supposed that. That he was fading away, too. No one could blame him. 

“ _ Tackhis _ !”

“You know those give you cancer, right?”

“Whatever, they taste good.”

They really didn’t, but Suigetsu had proven time and time again that his taste in food was dispecable. 

“Sorry, I won’t condone the consumption of known carcinogens in this house. If you want Takis, you need to come and pick them up yourself--” 

“Eh, but I’m going to take a shower,” Suigetsu said, standing up. Sasuke was too slow to avoid the pinch in his cheek. He didn’t mind. “Sasuke, won’t you be a sweetheart and go and get me some? You know, I’m your favorite friend--” 

“I’m pretty sure Jugo is--” 

“I’m your second favorite friend.”

Rich, considering that Sasuke only had two friends. He stood up, not quite facing Kakashi, but not quite facing the other way. And then he followed him out of the house, getting inside the car. 

Once in the store, he set a large bag of those gross chips in the cart, keeping his distance from Kakashi, until they passed the flowers section. He grabbed him by the shirt before he could stop himself, unable to keep the light blush away from his cheeks when Kakashi turned to look at him, a surprise look on his face, a small frown line on his forehead. 

“Can we get some for mom?” He barely heard himself speak, the beating heart too loud to focus on the words. 

But if Kakashi was truly surprised, it didn’t show as he nodded, “of course.”

Sasuke walked closer to them. He didn’t know anything about flowers, of course, because. Well, he didn’t know a lot of anything, and he had never really considered the implications of the importance of flowers. Kakashi certainly didn’t buy them for anyone, nor was anyone buying them for him, and of course, he hadn’t bought them for anyone either, nor. Anyway. Maybe, if he concentrated, he could remember once, maybe Mother’s Day, or something, when his father bought her flowers, hiding them behind his back. He couldn’t remember, really, he must have just been latching onto his mom’s skirts, and. He just couldn’t remember what they had been. Not roses, he didn’t think. But. But he wouldn’t know, had no way of knowing what were his mom’s favorite kind. Had no way of asking, had no way of making sure that he didn’t buy the wrong kind. 

“She’s going to love any of them, Sasuke.”

Suigetsu wasn’t the only one who could read his mind, clearly. Probably not. Sasuke was just too fucking predictable. But. But the words managed to calm him, somewhat, and he settled for a bouquet with white ones and red ones, and a purple one in the middle. He set them carefully on his lap in the car, keeping his eyes down on them. Only looking up when the car stopped and they weren’t in front of the house, just in front of the cemetery. 

“Do you want me to come down with you?”

It took ages for him to consider that, but he nodded. He kept the flowers close to his chest, carefully not smothering them because that would just be the cherry on top of everything, crushed flowers for his mom. That would be. Be.

So, he was careful. 

He wasn’t dressed for the occasion, still in sweatpants and a shirt, but he hoped his mom wouldn’t mind. He hadn’t expected to come today, that was all. He would have dressed up, otherwise. Honestly. 

But he halted when. Someone--not anyone, Mrs. Uzumaki was kneeling in front of his mom’s gravestone. He almost walked away, but then the flowers would be dead. Just like his mom. Sasuke looked around, but he couldn’t spot anyone else. Her hair almost touched the grass, covering her entire back.

“Do you want me to wait here?”

Sasuke, he. He. He took a deep breath and nodded, and then walked up to the graves, kneeling next to Mrs. Uzumaki. Her eyes were closed, and it took her some time to realize that he was there, but he appreciated the silence, and just the faint smile she gave him, even if he could only see it for a fraction of a second, before he had to look away. He leaned the flowers against the stone, his eyes tracing the name. 

_ Mikoto Uchiha _ .

Sasuke knew that his brother didn’t want him anymore and he was sure Kakashi didn’t really either, and his father never had really, either. But he used to pretend that his mom would want him. But. But.

But. How could she? After everything he had done? After everything he allowed to happen to himself? 

Even if he could lie to himself and say that nothing happened, ever, his mom was dead, and she could see, or. Or her spirit could know. Or something. He’d grown-up under the impression that his mom was watching over him and that only meant that she had to see everything. And after everything--after--after.

After Sasuke had been the reason that his older brother, his mom’s first born, became a murderer...how could she ever want him?

Maybe the truth was that he hadn’t--

He wiped his cheeks--

Killed himself because his mom wouldn’t even want him. And. And who could--

His shoulders shook--

Really blame her?

Mrs. Uzumaki pulled him closer, and he. He really had been reduced to sobbing into his boyfriend’s mom’s lap, hadn’t he? She brushed his hair back and his shoulders shook harder. Everytime he tried to swallow a sob, it just came out worse. He could only stayed there.


	38. Chapter 38

_ 3:05 _

_ 3:06 _

_ 3:07 _

Naruto could finally understand what Sasuke had been going through for the past...well, since forever. Even before they began dating, when he didn’t know anything about anything, he had considered Sasuke’s sleeping habits--those early months, Sasuke had looked tired, and Naruto had written it off as a side-effect of being an overachiever and anxious teenager. Nothing at all like the kind of insomnia that came after that first kidnapping, in December. 

But Naruto could understand now.

He sat up, pushing his back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. Closing his eyes, for a moment, willing his energy to focus on his breathing. He hadn’t seen much, but if he let his mind wonder, the weight of the dead body would settled on him, and there was the problem: his mind naturally trailed off.

He rubbed his eyes, flopping on his stomach to reach for his phone, blinking at the intrusive light. It was a long shot because Sasuke didn’t talk much anymore, but texting wasn’t talking and...he was probably awake, too.

_ U awake? _

A second later, a message came through.  _ Why aren’t you? _

Naruto couldn’t exactly tell him. It wouldn’t help, either of them.  _ Can I come over? _

_ It’s 3 am. _

_ Yeah so _

_ I’ll meet you halfway _

_ _ It was a stupid thing to do. But Naruto wanted to see him and Sasuke was offering, and it would be okay. He threw the blankets off of him and went to his closet, finding something warmer, and crawling out of the balcony. 

Sasuke was already there, standing in front of that house, staring at it. Naruto couldn’t see in the darkness well, but if he could have, he wouldn’t have been surprise to find Sasuke’s eyes blank, his jaw set. He stopped next to him, staring at the house too. When he found out what happened that night, he’d beating himself over, he had--his dad and gramps had to drag him into the car, his mom and auntie sitting on either side of him to keep him from jumping out, and they hadn’t let him outside until they were in Lake Tahoe, hours away. 

He hated that house, more than he had ever hated something. Still unable to wrap his mind around everything that--

“Are you coming?” Sasuke’s voice brought him back; largely, he imagined, because he hadn’t heard it much lately. But it carried from where he was standing, near his balcony. 

Naruto hurried back, not understanding, but not finding much energy to focus enough to care what was going on. He hadn’t slept the entire week and he might be hallucinating, watching Sasuke climb up the tree and over the rail.

But if it was a hallucination, it could have been worse.

He followed him up, careful to keep his balance as he gripped the rail to go over it. By the time that he closed the balcony and turned around, Sasuke was under his blankets, covered up to his chin, on his side, just like months ago. He slipped under the blankets, Sasuke shifting closer, until his back was pressed against Naruto’s chest. Naruto wrapped an arm around his waist, not surprised, but sad that it felt like he had lost weight. 

Of course, the real mystery was that he hadn’t been hospitalized. 

Maybe he should be--he probably should be, but even Naruto understood that as Sasuke Uchiha, there was a certain image that needed to be presented to the public. He’d become familiar with it over the past weeks, watching Sasuke with make-up, an unassuming smile, an eloquent response to anything and everything that anyone asked of him. It was almost a shadow image of Itachi and truthfully, not all that different from the Sasuke he met back in August, but...but Sasuke wasn’t like that, anymore. The signs of improvement were not improvement at all, were just a mask and--

“I can hear you thinking,” Sasuke said. His voice sounded deeper than it should, maybe from lack of use. “You should be sleeping.”

“You should be too,” Naruto said. It was probably the wrong thing to say, but it wasn’t wrong: out of either of them, Sasuke should be the one who needed to sleep the most. “I’m just...thinking.”

“You have nightmares.”

“They’re not...nightmares. Not like that,” he said. It was a little like that, but Sasuke had his own terrors at night, his own living nightmares, and--

“There aren’t many kinds of nightmares,” Sasuke said, softly, his back expanding with a deep sigh. “Your mom gave me a sleeping aid, before, I mean. Why don’t you take it?”

“I’m only supposed to take it in emergencies, or else it might not work anymore,” he said. “And--” 

“It’s three in the morning, isn’t it an emergency already?”

“It’s not every night.” He moved, to lay on his back, only stopping when Sasuke grabbed his arm, not letting go. Laying on his back would have been vastly uncomfortable; it’s not like he minded, he obviously didn’t. “And I can sleep, I was just...”

“Do you really not remember more than what you told your dad?”

“I...I might have heard a saw, but I--I don’t remember.” He closed his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to remember because he might have stood there, while someone chopped up a body, and not done anything, stood there as a bystander to a crime, a serious crime, the kind of crime for which people went to jail and--

He opened his eyes with a small poke on his forehead. Sasuke was facing him, his bangs covering his forehead, the dark hair so unfamiliar to Naruto that thinking about how odd it must be for Sasuke to look at himself in the mirror twisted his stomach more than any chopping of body parts could. 

“I realize that I sound like a hypocrite, but you need to sleep and...he was pointing a gun at us.”

His dad already told him that. His mom had, too. But there was something so heinous about a murder that Naruto couldn’t let it go. He suspected that his parents couldn’t either, but they were doing their best to keep it together for him. “I know. I’m glad we didn’t die, and I know I need to sleep and you  _ do _ sound like a--” 

“I can keep watch. I’ll wake you up if--” 

“I should wake you up if you--” 

“We’ll take turns.”

Naruto paused. That...sounded reasonable, he supposed--at the very least, while he was keeping watch, he could make sure that Sasuke was sleeping, much like he could if it was his turn. Of course, sleep shouldn’t be  _ this _ , some weird turns back and forth, but if they both didn’t want to sleep, at least one could stay awake with a purpose.

“You go first,” he said.

“You--” 

“You’re the guest,” Naruto said. “Turn around.”

“You turn around.”

“No way, you  _ promised _ \--” 

“I think at this point, we should be open to renegotiate some--” 

“No way! I’ve been going to the gym and I’m pretty sure that I’ve grown taller, so turn around.” He nudged him. He had not grown taller, but he had increased his muscle mass, or at least Coach Guy said so, and he knew his stuff. “Come on. Turn around. I’ll wake you up when it’s my turn.”

Sasuke did turn around, after chewing on his lower lip for a few seconds. Naruto pulled him closer, feeling his breathing deepen minutes after. He was so quiet. In another life, he would have made a good ghost--in this life, he was making a good ghost, of course, but maybe he’ll be joining the living, soon. 

But the truth was that having him there was...it  _ was _ relaxing him, beginning to feel drowsy. It should have been a good thing, but he promised he would wake him up, which meant that he had to stay awake. It didn’t take long, though, for the whimpers to wreck him, about an hour. He held his breath, waiting for them to pass, but they didn’t, and instead morphed into muttered mess of  _ please _ s and  _ dont _ ’s. 

Naruto couldn’t blame him, though. According to Karin, he’d been muttering in his sleep two days ago, too. 

“Sasuke,” he said, nudging his shoulder as gently as he could, until he heard a groan that was decidedly awake. “I--” 

“It’s your turn,” Sasuke said, sounding half haunted by too many things. 

“It was barely an hour--” 

“So, we’ll wake each other up every hour.”

It didn’t sound healthy, but it was a sound plan, for now, and Naruto didn’t have anything else to offer. He let Sasuke shift about, until he was facing him, and then Naruto closed his eyes. Until there was red everywhere, spilling. Something was drawing him out, an unshaken nudging on his shoulder. It was still dark, but he could see Sasuke’s face, a few inches from his own. There was a groan, Naruto only taking a second to realize that it came from himself. 

“Turn around,” he told him, and Sasuke did.

And the hours weren’t too long, and eventually, the sun was the only thing preventing either of them from continuing to sleep. 

“What were you planning to do today?” Naruto asked, trailing a finger down his back. 

“Homework, you?”

Naruto kissed his shoulder, sitting up. The room spun, but it was probably just because it was suddenly too bright for him. “Watch you do homework?”

There was a huff, but it could have been a chuckle. Sasuke sat up, too, nudging him off the bed, and...making it. Naruto would have helped, if he could have stopped staring, could ignore the funny feeling in his stomach. 

“Bring your homework?” He asked, once the bed was made, opening the balcony door.

Naruto nodded, watching him leave. He grabbed his backpack, shoving his math textbook inside, and heading downstairs. The kitchen light was on, his mom by the stove. She’d been staying at home for the past months, since her last trip in November, and Naruto knew that she was declining some opportunities, and part of him wanted to tell her that it was okay, but the majority of himself was grateful that he could have his mom, see her in the mornings, see her before school, and after school, wish her goodnight, even if it weren’t.

“How are you?”

Naruto matched her smile. “Good, mom. Uh,” he leaned against the counter, eyeing the eggs she was making. “Sasuke came over and...we took turns sleeping.”

“At least there was some sleep,” she turned off the stove. “He didn’t want to stay for breakfast?”

He shook his head. “But I’m going over to do homework with him,” he pulled on the backpack’s strap, “I think it won’t be too boring.”

“I was always under the impression that anything with Sasuke wasn’t boring.”

His cheeks warmed up. But it was okay because it was just his mom. “It’s never boring,” he took the plates she handed to him, “and...I mean, I didn’t think that he would ever be here again, so it can only go up from here, right?”

His mom’s smile was gentle, soft, her eyes...sad. Naruto understood, but optimism was the one thing he could always have, and not even in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that Sasuke would ever sleep next to him again, so there was some validity to positive thoughts. 

“That’s the right attitude,” she said. “Finish your breakfast and then you can go.”

Naruto nodded, shuffling the food inside his mouth, swallowing before chewing properly, vaguely recalling someone making fun of him freshman year that he would be great at swallowing, remembering that he hadn’t quite understood then, but now...there  _ was _ something to be said about his innate talent to be quick and efficient with food, wasn’t there? Not that Naruto should be thinking about that, of course. Especially not in front of his mom, but it was just an observation, and as far as his observations went, it was relatively harmless. 

“I’ll be back later, mom.”

“Say hi to everyone from me.”

He nodded, “say hi to dad from me.”

She nodded, too. Naruto would talk with his dad. He had been talking with him, since that...incident. It had helped, even if he knew that he’d forced his dad through a moral dilemma that no one should face; the only reason he hadn’t turned himself in was that then his dad would be in trouble and Itachi would be too, which meant that Sasuke would be, too.

It was just one of those things that he would have to live with, just like the way that math sometimes made his head hurt. 

He headed down the hallway, making his way to Sasuke’s house. It was his house again, wasn’t it? That was a good thing, wasn’t it? Naruto knew that Sasuke didn’t truly know what he wanted, but he probably had wanted to come back, hadn’t he? He should ask him. Sasuke had always been a terrible liar, that was his real problem, so he would probably be able to decipher the lies from the truth. 

He knocked, after reminding himself that Sasuke had invited him, had said it was okay, even if, at the start, this had been a hard  _ no _ . The door opened. It was Suigetsu, wearing the shark onesie from Christmas. 

“He’s taking a shower,” he stepped aside. “But word of advice, maybe getting him to leave the house in the middle of night is kind of stupid.”

It was. Had been. “Nothing happened.”

“It could have.”

Naruto couldn’t possibly spend time thinking about why Suigetsu seemed to be even more hyper aware than Sasuke--maybe not more, just somewhat more rational than him, and somehow, much more pessimistic. Maybe it was because Sasuke didn’t care too much, and Suigetsu cared too much, but in a different way than he did himself. He should stop thinking about that. It wouldn’t do him any good.

“But it didn’t.”

Suigetsu sighed, “cute sentiment, until something does happen, and then it just makes you look like an idiot, doesn’t it?”

“I--” 

“Suigetsu, leave him alone.”

Not for the first time, Naruto wondered how Kakashi could be so quiet. Especially considering that Naruto was staring directly in the line of vision of the entire hallway, should have seen him coming, should have definitely heard him coming. He was wearing a bright green and yellow sweater with dog faces all over it, he  _ should _ have seen that.

“Shut up,” he snapped, walking past him, into the kitchen, out of Naruto’s vision range, although he heard something close to  _ stupid idiots _ . 

“He’s cranky in the morning,” Kakashi said, like he’d been living with Suigetsu for the entirety of his life, too, just like Sasuke. “Come on in.”

It was unsettling. 

Kakashi should be a little more pissed off, because...it  _ had _ been three in the morning. But Naruto stepped inside, shaking his head at the offered breakfast. Instead, he headed upstairs, to Sasuke’s bedroom. It had a bunk bed now. The water was running from the bathroom, so he pulled the chair from the desk, and flopped down on it. 

For all the time that Sasuke spent in his bedroom, Naruto felt a stranger in his. Or his and Suigetsu’s. But he figured that it was expected, considering that Sasuke had always been so adamant about not letting him come, just showing up at his bedroom. He took out his notebook, starting with history, figuring that it wouldn’t take long to look up the answer online, they were always easy to find. He looked up only when he heard the door opening. Sasuke’s hair was flat against his forehead, but he looked warm and cozy wearing the dinosaur onesie. 

It should have been the same, because it was the same onesie, but...it was just that Naruto had never considered how much hair color could really change a person. The dark hair must be contrasting sharper with his skin tone, making him look paler than he really was. That had to be it. Someone would have taken him to the hospital otherwise. They weren’t that idiotic, not the way that Suigetsu thought. He glanced at the door, turning back to Sasuke when he registered that yes, the door was closed. They were alone, Sasuke sitting on the floor, the chemistry textbook opened on his lap. 

“Suigetsu doesn’t like me.”

It was stupid. It shouldn’t have mattered. There were a lot of things that mattered more than that. But maybe it was the pointlessness that made it all the more important.

“He doesn’t like anyone,” Sasuke said, dragging his backpack to him, digging for his chemistry notebook. “It’s one of his many qualities.”

“I’m serious.”

Sasuke looked up. Naruto knew that his pout was stupid and ridiculous, but it was worth it to have the ghost smile on Sasuke’s face. “I know, me too. He doesn’t even like me--” 

“That’s not true.”

“It is,” Sasuke said. “He only keeps me around because he likes my ass.”

“That’s not true,” Naruto said. He didn’t think Sasuke believed that, either, but at the point that they were...Sasuke could believe any self-deprecating thing anyone or himself said, and Naruto couldn’t take that risk anymore. 

“It really is, I was his first Valentine--” 

“I meant that it’s not true that he only keeps you around for that.”

Sasuke shifted closer to him, “Getsu really doesn’t like anyone. He doesn’t trust anyone and it’s hard to like someone if you can’t trust them, right?”

“Why?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Just his nature. I know that you like to poke into people’s personal business,” he said, sounding less angry than he should. He actually sounded somewhat...amused. Like he was making fun of something. “But it’s really not my place to say, and it’s not your place to poke around, promise?”

Naruto nodded, although making promises to Sasuke always became more stressful than he ever anticipated. “Well, what can I do to have him like me better?”

“He likes sharks. Maybe talk about that.”

“Sasuke, I know how to make friends,” Naruto said. He was great at making friends, in fact, and he knew that Suigetsu liked sharks, it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. “But--” 

“Maybe pretend you agree with his food choices,” he said. “Look, I barely got him to talk to Jugo again. He’s very good at holding grudges and he thinks that anyone I associate with is an idiot, so you’re kind of going to be on the losing end whichever way you slice it. Just relax about it, he’ll warm up eventually.”

“Will he really, though?”

Sasuke nodded, poking his leg. “Stop changing the topic, and start working.”

Naruto turned back to the textbook. “I don’t know why you’re in such a hurry, it’s still Saturday, there’s tomorrow, too.”

“Procrastination is not a good quality,” Sasuke muttered. 

That was all he said, but it was more than he had really said in a week, so some improvements had to be congratulated. Right? Naruto had no idea what got him talking, if he was being honest, but it didn’t matter, it only mattered that Sasuke wasn’t only talking, but was also holding a cohesive conversation with more than a few words. 

Later, Suigetsu came in, though he didn’t look at them. Naruto tried not to take it personally because it didn’t seem that Sasuke took it personally, didn’t seem to tense up, just kept staring at the homework in front of him. Until Suigetsu was hanging from the top bunk bed, seemingly not falling down due to sheer defiance of physics laws, or what Sakura insisted were physics laws. 

“You’re going to fall down and break your neck.”

“What do you think I am? Five?”

“Six, give or take two years.”

Naruto bit the inside of his cheek.

Suigetsu turned around, presumably to look at Sasuke better, his hair hanging, his arms swinging. “Rude. I’ll have you know I’m in college, Sauce. That means I’m older than you.”

“You’re younger by almost a year.”

“No, I’m pretty sure I’m older,” Suigetsu said, like there  _ was _ a possible argument about who was older or younger, like it wasn’t based on birthdays and instead, was based on subjective criteria.

“Just goes to show how much you know.”

This definitely didn’t sound like Sasuke and Naruto...it was unsettling, just like the way that Kakashi had simply moved aside and told him to come in, told Suigetsu to leave him alone. But Sasuke was making jokes, Kakashi hadn’t kicked him out of the house, so Naruto shouldn’t be complaining. Yet, he couldn’t help but wish to know what happened, just out of pure curiosity, it would be nice to know. It wasn’t like Sasuke slept  _ that _ much, though maybe comparatively, the three hours he slept on-and-off were a lot. 

“I’ll have you know, I can recite every kind of shark and their diet and the amount of teeth they have,” he said. “And I’m almost sure I can count to one hundred.”

The thing was that with Suigetsu, Naruto just didn’t know him well enough to know whether or not something was a joke or not. He glanced at Sasuke, but his face was rather impassive, so he swallowed the chuckle. Maybe, Suigetsu wasn’t joking and if he laughed, then Suigetsu would definitely dislike him more. Naruto just couldn’t have his boyfriend’s best friend hating his guts. 

“Are you finally able to get to seventy?”

Suigetsu chuckled, “why did anyone make sixty-nine?”

It was a good thing that he didn’t laugh because Naruto was starting to get the feeling that it hadn’t been a joke.

It probably was.

At least it should be, considering that Sasuke was looking up and maybe, Naruto heard a huff coming from him. 

\--------------

“What do you mean you guys have been texting?”

Karin shrugged, scooting away from the poking, away from him, closer to the edge of the couch. “I mean, we’ve been texting,” she said. “Don’t make it weird. It’s barely talking.”

“He barely texts me.”

“You said he texted you back yesterday at three in the morning--” 

“Yeah, but that was once,” Naruto said. “How much does he texts you?”

Karin shrugged, taking out her phone. It wasn’t that Naruto was jealous or something, he really wasn’t, it was just that he was feeling a little left out. Everyone should be texting Sasuke, and he was glad that Sasuke was texting back, but he would also like to get responses back, too. He liked talking to Sasuke. He took Karin’s phone, realizing that she was letting him read the conversation, which, he found out as he scrolled through it, mainly consisted of them sending each other gifs of cute animals. Except for the texts dated from yesterday, March 25th.

_ U should sponsor shelter pups _

_ ? _

_ Show animals on social media n peeps adopt them _

_ Dont have social media _

_ Ill make it for u _

_ Maybe _

_ _ Naruto looked up. “You’re going to make him accounts?”

Karin shrugged again, taking her phone back. “Well, he’s pretty famous now. He might as well do something good about it. I mean, it’s not like his brother is going to say no to Sasuke being associated with helping shelter animals, right? It would look good, and Sasuke does like them, so why wouldn’t he do something good with everything that came out of...” 

“Wouldn’t that just plaster his face around more and make him more recognizable and make more people want to kill him?”

Karin was looking at him like he was going crazy, which he found offensive because all of that was based on reality. “Weren’t you the one who asked him to leave his house and walk passed the house where he was held at three in the morning?”

“I know. I know, I do,” he sighed. “To be entirely honest, I hadn’t thought that he would have actually replied, let alone--” 

“But you still let him come,” Karin said. “All I’m saying is that people knowing who he is and people maybe wanting to hurt him...that’s never going to go away now and there’s no way for him to do anything about that, so he might as well try to do something good about it. Shelter animals need publicity and sponsors.”

“Yeah, but--” 

“And I wasn’t making him do it, I  _ suggested _ it, and then I backed off when he said maybe.”

Naruto leaned against the couch. He had to breathe and he had to calm down, it wouldn’t do anyone any good if he freaked out and he got into an argument with Karin. He couldn’t remember the last time that they truly fought, but he didn’t want to make an argument now. Besides...she wasn’t wrong. Unless Sasuke had plastic surgery and faked his death, no one would ever forget who he was--not with the fascination that came with his life story. 

Rich boy, changed identity, teacher’s adoptive son, kidnapped twice, reunited with his brother after their father’s death....

If Naruto didn’t know him personally, he would have been obsessed with the story. Of course, he was obsessed with Sasuke, but not in a creepy way, it was because he loved him and because he cared about him. 

“You know,” he said. “I just realized that he’s probably going to have stalkers for the rest of his life and--” 

“He probably will,” Karin said. “He’s attractive, and now rich, right?” She looked down at her phone, texting something back to someone.

Probably replying to Sasuke. Naruto shook his head. He wasn’t jealous, he wasn’t. Not really, he just wished...

It wasn’t fair, though, because he had spent all of yesterday with him. Hanging out. Suigetsu played video games, and Naruto did too, and Sasuke had, too, surprisingly, and a bit jarring, but it had been fun. Or as fun as all three of them combined could possibly had. Naruto always thought that when people went through something traumatic together, they would be thick as thieves, but if anything, Suigetsu seemed to be more...less friendly than he had ever been before. But on the other hand, Sasuke had been more handsy than before--

“It was Sakura,” Karin said. “Not him, not Sasuke, it’s okay. Stop thinking about it.”

“I’m not jealous,” he said. “And I know how it sounds. It sounds like I am, but I’m really not, I’m happy that he is talking to other people, that’s what he needs and what he deserves. I’m really not jealous, I’ve just been a little tired and--” 

“Overwhelmed,” Karin said. 

Naruto nodded. “Just a little bit. It’s okay.” He shook his head, “how are you and Saku?”

Karin turned to face him, raised eyebrow and all. Naruto could tell that she was thinking too much about one too many things, but it was a family trait, he was sure. “We’re okay,” she said. “She’s been studying for the SAT like crazy, but I know she’ll do fantastic. I’ve been studying with her, and I think I can raise my score quite a bit, so I can only guess that she will too! I mean, she’s been studying for it since sixth grade, right?”

“Yeah, she has,” Naruto huffed. “Remember the tantrum she threw when they switched up the scoring scale? And the material covered?”

“I don’t think anyone ever replied to that letter she wrote to complain--” 

“Why would anyone want to write back to that?” Naruto had signed the petition only because Sakura was his best friend and she was stubbornly annoying. “I bet some unpaid intern opened it and then tossed it away, probably shredded it, too.”

“Don’t tell her that, she’s still waiting for a response,” Karin said. She stood up, “anyway, I should get going. Mom’s working late today and I want to make her dinner.”

“Okay,” Naruto said, grabbing her by the arm and squeezing lightly, “thanks for coming over. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya!”

She walked away once Naruto let her go. He turned the television off, deciding that if he was going to be alone, he might as well be alone entirely. He didn’t do very well alone, normally, and he knew that if he called someone, he would have someone to hang out with, but he only wanted to be with Sasuke at the moment. 

But the silence dragged on forever and eventually, he was forced to turn the television back on, flipping the channels until the end of time. He stopped at a cartoon, with some bunny and coyote. It was somewhat violent, but it was mindnumbing, and it was enough to entertain himself, distract himself from everything else. 

Maybe he should just get off his butt and visit his dad at work. He never did that, wasn’t supposed to do that, but he hadn’t seen his dad, really talked to him in a while, and he missed him, if he--

He sat up when the bell rang. He dragged himself to the door with another ring, opening the door. It was Sasuke, holding a plastic bag. 

“Hey,” he said, stepping to the side. “What are you doing here?”

“I made your parents a batch of cookies,” he said, handing the bag over and walking inside. “There’s some for you, too.”

“Thanks,” he said, closing the door. “Sasuke--” 

“They’re cinnamon and raisins, but chocolate chip and--” 

“What’s going on?”

“What?”

He shouldn’t be bringing it up. He really shouldn’t, because maybe it would ruin Sasuke’s little charade, but Naruto wasn’t sure it was a charade, not like the ones he’d been putting together for Itachi, for the company. Trying to remind himself that Sasuke was an awful liar, he fixed his eyes on him, looking up and down. Sasuke was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, his head tilted to the side. 

“You know,” Naruto said. “I mean...are you okay?”

“Fine,” Sasuke replied. 

“Are you sure?”

Sasuke nodded. “Fine. I’m just going to leave now...”

“Don’t you want to stay?”

“Not if you’re going to interrogate me.”

Naruto shook his head, setting the bag of cookies on the counter, and then taking him by the hand, dragging him to the living room. “I’m just trying to understand.”

Sasuke was watching the television, the same show with the bunny, letting the silence drag on between them until Naruto had a headache in the back of his brain. “Understand what?”

“I...nothing, you’ve just...” 

Sasuke turned to him. “Haven’t been crying as much? Thanks.”

“Nevermind.”

Sasuke burrowed himself deeper into the couch. “No, no. You want to have this conversation, so have it.”

“I’m just trying to make sure that you’re really getting okay and are not just pretending to be for the sake of others--” 

“It’s not for the sake of others,” Sasuke said. “It’s for my sake. If I can’t pretend that I’m okay, then I’m going to wallow in a pit of misery for the rest of my life, so excuse me for trying to get better--” 

“I wasn’t--” 

“And trying to hold it together,” he said. “I know you think that I’m crybaby and I know I am, but I can’t cry anymore. I’m tired.”

“I wasn’t trying to tell you that--” 

“Dr. Uzuki started coming over,” he said. “And I’m taking meds--” 

“I didn’t--” 

“I know,” he said. “Because I didn’t tell you. I...sort of asked your parents not to tell you, either. It was stupid and I know I shouldn’t ask them to keep things from you, it’s not my place, I get that, but it was important.”

That didn’t make sense. Naruto  _ was _ a little angry that he asked his parents that, it really wasn’t his place, even if it was his life, his therapy. “Why?”

“Because I know that it’s going to turn to shit soon, eventually, and the less people that know I’m high off meds...the less people are going to care when it doesn’t work out.”

“It...seems to be working.”

“It’s only been a few weeks--” 

“Longer than before--” 

“Yeah,” he huffed. “Because no one has kidnapped me yet, but they will, eventually and...then I’ll be back in square one.”

“I don’t think a recovery journey is supposed to make you afraid of failing.”

“It’s not a recovery journey,” he snapped, sounding more angry than Naruto had ever heard. “At best is a 12-step program that I’m going to almost finish until I won’t.”

“It’s a long process, but I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to stress you out.”

“Dr. Uzuki says that it’s important to take every day at a time,” he said. “But if I do that, then I have a lot of days to mess up in. And the less people who knew, the less they’ll care when I do, so I would appreciate it--” 

“Or the more people who know, the more support you can get.”

Sasuke huffed. “You know what my brother told me? He told me to do my best and to figure it out. Like I haven’t been trying my best my entire life; of course, I guess compared to him, my best is really his worst, so maybe that’s--” 

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.”

“He might have not, but if he didn’t, it just goes to show you how stupid it is, I can’t even interpret my own brother’s words properly.” He rubbed his forehead, “just forget I said anything. I really was only going to come to drop off the coo--” 

“You really don’t want to stay? We could watch a movie, or...just hang out. I’ve been reading about gardening lately, we could go to the store and buy some seeds to plant--” 

“Gardening?”

Naruto shrugged, looking away.

“Why?”

He shrugged again, his cheeks getting warmer. It was nothing. It was just that if there was an Apocalypse, which seemed more likely every single day, then he would need to know how to grow his own food, which meant learning about planting different kinds of food. He figured that being in California, even if the end of the world happened, food would still be able to grow and he could still feed himself. 

“I’m not making fun, I’m just--” 

“Do you want to die from starvation?”

“I...” Sasuke trailed off, his eyes narrowed. “I think I just...go to the store for food.”

“Stores will be abandoned, and I’m pretty sure it’ll take a lot of effort to be able to enter one, and they’ll be raided anyway, so what does it matter if there was food at one point or another? Anyway, it’ll give you cancer, or something, most of the food that lasts forever. I’m almost sure that’s how zombies are made, anyway, so it’s important to be able to grow your own food. I know you’re not making fun of me because when zombies come and we’re surviving off the tomatoes and watermelons I grew, you’ll be thanking me.” 

“You...” Sasuke stood up, shaking his head. “I’m pretty sure that if the end of the world happens, you’re going to be the first person to die, just because you’ll either try to talk to a zombie, or stick your nose in bad people’s business and they’ll have to kill you. Which,” he took a deep breath. “We should stop talking about. I’ll go to the store with you, I guess.”

Naruto stood up. He hadn’t planned to start planting today, but if Sasuke was coming, then...the burst of energy made sense. Even if he wasn’t as concerned about the Apocalypse as he really should be. He grabbed his car keys, locking the front door. Sasuke’s seatbelt was on before Naruto even got inside the car, but his dad always did say safety first. He backed out of the driveway, turning off the radio. 

“You know...I wasn’t trying to distract you from getting angry, or anything. I wasn’t trying to change the topic.”

“I know,” Sasuke shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does, though.”

He shrugged, “why would I be caring about whether or not I’m going to end up like an utter failure if the end of the world is almost here?”

Naruto bit back a sigh. “You shouldn’t feel like a failure, even if the end of the world isn’t just around the corner. I think...I’m really glad that you’re getting help, and you’re accepting--” 

“Stop. If you turn this into a mushy cry party, I’m going to get out of the car.”

“I just...mean that...” he glanced at him at the stop light. But he looked serious, like he would rather die jumping out into the freeway than continue to have the conversation that they were sort of having. “I can’t wait for you to try the tomatoes that are going to grow in my backyard.”

“If the birds don’t eat them first.”

“We can build a scarecrow!”

It wasn’t at all what he meant, and he wasn’t entirely sure what to think of anything anymore, but at least Sasuke didn’t jump out of the car. That had to count for something, at the very least. 


	39. Chapter 39

Sasuke closed the front door, locking it, and walking back to the living room. Kakashi was still seating on the couch, although he had the newspaper out now. He stared some, trying to read his expression, but it was blank. “You’re surprisingly good at this,” he said, crossing his arms--he shouldn’t do that, of course, because it might look like he was scolding Kakashi, which obviously he was not, it was just an observation, and his arms felt comfortable crossed, and.

Kakashi looked up, “um, yeah. I’ve had some practice, don’t worry, though, you’ll be good at it eventually, too.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “I’m not worried about that.” 

He was. 

The personal appointments with Dr. Uzuki hadn’t been as bad, had been...helpful, really, but with Kakashi? The appointment had lasted an hour, but it felt like a decade, every single word that he uttered felt like a novella, and. It was just a lot of energy spent forcing himself to talk. He hadn’t been able to do it. Not in front of Kakashi. It was stupid, he realized, but. 

“Okay, then,” Kakashi said. “In that case, there’s nothing for you to worry about--” 

“Stop.” He took a deep breath, “I just want to know why you didn’t seem to have a problem talking about...stuff.” Sasuke wasn’t crazy. He might not know everything about Kakashi, but he knew that he didn’t do feelings. And yet, Kakashi had just spent about an hour talking about feelings, which was both confusing and weird and uncharacteristic and Sasuke just needed to know  _ why _ before he thought himself up into a corner and worked himself into a panic. 

“Honestly?” Kakashi paused, “because I figured you would be somewhat uncomfortable and I figured that if I could model the behavior, maybe it would help a little. Tsunade’s always going on and on about the importance of modeling activities and behavior in the classroom in every single staff meeting and I thought, hey, why not try it at home, too?” He shrugged. “It’s really nothing, Sasuke.”

“It is!”

Kakashi sat the newspaper down by his side. “I’m not entirely sure what you want to hear, but I was just trying to be helpful.”

Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted to hear, either, which just made everything worse because he could feel his heart beating just a tad faster, and it was irrational and stupid, he  _ knew _ this, and it wasn’t even fair to Kakashi, and he knew that, too, and yet. “It just isn’t like you. Are you depressed?”

Had Sasuke made him depressed? He probably had, there were plenty of things for Kakashi to be depressed about, really, and--

“No.” Kakashi said. “I don’t think I am. Do you think I am?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking.”

“I don’t know what I would be depressed about, Sasuke. You’re alive, I’m alive, there’s--” 

“If those are your requirements to be depressed, then you probably  _ are _ . Being alive isn’t something to be happy about and celebrate, not really, that’s the bare min--” 

“It should be, especially with you,” Kakashi nodded at the empty space next to him, and Sasuke, like the idiot that he was, took a seat. “You’ve almost died...a lot of times in less than six months--” 

“You could have died too, you know.” They hadn’t talked about it. About what Naruto told him his last day in the ranch, before Itachi became a murderer, and Naruto became an accessory to murder, and. “Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have gone there if I had  _ known _ .”

“Known what?”

“Stop playing that you don’t know! They hurt you, probably more than once,” Sasuke said. Kakashi had been holding an ice pack that one day they visited, hadn’t he? And Sasuke had just not paid attention to that, not pressed for an explanation more than he should have, even though that’s what someone who cared would have done. “And you didn’t say anything! You told me you got drunk and walked into a pole.”

“Oh,” Kakashi cleared his throat. “If it makes you feel better, it wasn’t Itachi--” 

“It doesn’t make me feel better! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kakashi shrugged, “to prevent this from happening, I imagine.”

“Well, congratulations, you sure managed it,” Sasuke snapped, turning to glare at the wall. 

“Sasuke--” 

“You know, I know that I’ve messed up a lot,” he said. More like fucked up a lot, but he had said that he wasn’t going to swear anymore, hadn’t he? “But all of you have, too. You and Naruto both decided to go behind my back and see what was up with my brother and...actually, Mr. Uzumaki made me sit across from him and not talk to him, and--and Itachi still hasn’t told me why he couldn’t just waltzed into my life a few weeks earlier.”

“It...might have not been the best things to do, Sasuke, but it was out of care.”

He  _ knew  _ that. But he’d done a lot of things out of care, too, but for some reason, he seemed to be unproportionally responsible for all of them. He couldn’t count the times that Itachi called him idiotic, like he hadn’t--actually, hadn’t he run away from that Danzo guy at some point, too? Didn’t Itachi have a choice then? To go back to their father? Surely, their father would have taken him back, or found him a better suited guardian, or  _ something _ . 

“Well, I’m sick of it. If you had told me, I wouldn’t have gone with them, and I wouldn’t--” 

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“I don’t know! You’re the adult! All of you are adults and I know that I’m almost an adult and I know that all of you think I’m an idiot and that I won’t ever make good choices--” 

“I don’t think--” 

“Yeah, you do. You’ve thought that ever since I first ran--” 

The bell rang.

But it couldn’t be Suigetsu because he had work and Naruto was in detention  _ again _ , for punching someone in the nose, some Senior, who was--anyway. Maybe it was Mr. Uzumaki, or Mrs. Uzumaki, or...Karin? They had been texting more lately. Or maybe it was Itachi, coming by for his monthly check-in and to make sure Sasuke knew that he was an actual idiot. Kakashi stood up, but Sasuke shook his head.

“I’ll get it,” he mumbled under his breath, walking down the hallway. He told Urushi to go upstairs, told him to sit on top of the stairs, and then opened the door, staring. It was a woman with short brown hair, a black shirt, and purple skirt. She looked too nice to be a kidnapper and she wasn’t even carrying a purse, probably couldn’t be hiding a gun in her person, right? He wouldn’t know.

It could be a reporter. Which...was rude of her, of course, because--

“Is...Kakashi Hatake here?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. She didn’t sound like a bad person, her voice was actually...sweet. But what would he know, anyway. He slammed the door and locked it, walking back down the hallway. 

“Someone’s asking for you. She looks nice.”

Kakashi stood up. “Interesting,” he said, though he didn’t look interested at all. “Stay here.”

Sasuke watched him. He should probably stay put, but if someone was going to murder Kakashi, at their doorstep, then he’d like to have a chance at punching the woman, and. He shook his head. He had to stop thinking stuff like that. It wasn’t good for him, apparently. Of course it wasn’t. Dr. Uzuki told him as much and the truth was that he didn’t exactly need a doctor to tell him that thinking everyone around him was going to die was unhealthy, he  _ knew _ it wasn’t healthy, and he would stop, eventually. He could. He really could and would. 

Once he could believe it. Because. A lot of people did die around him, when he was younger, and people have been getting hurt. He’d gotten hurt. A lot. In fact.

Still, he followed Kakashi, watching him open the door. Urushi barked from upstairs, deep and loud, and that just made him more alert, not for the first time wishing that they had trained him to attack. And release. But mostly to attack. 

But. 

The woman hugged Kakashi. Sasuke held his breath, watching Kakashi hug back. Which. Was weird. Unexpected, not weird. There was nothing weird about  _ Kakashi _ hugging a strange woman. Had he slammed the door on a date? Was Kakashi dating? He couldn’t be. Not now, not ever, really, but he wouldn’t be dating  _ now _ , it just didn’t make sense. 

“I can’t believe you never called!”

Kakashi  _ was _ dating. Had been dating. Had he tried to ghost someone? That was just stupid, especially now. Sasuke wasn’t the only recognizable face around town anymore. He walked closer, eyeing Kakashi, who was looking pale, but had a faint smile. 

“I told you to stay in the living room.” It was barely a whisper.

Sasuke closed the door. He shrugged. “Yeah, but--” 

“Go to your room.”

Sasuke was about--

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

He paused, hovering on the first step, looking at Kakashi. He caught some emotions on his face, a mixture between disbelief and heartbreak, and Sasuke just didn’t want to be there for that. 

“Sasuke...” he began. “This is Rin, an old friend from college. Rin, this is Sasuke.”

He couldn’t walk upstairs, then. Not only because he  _ had _ slammed the door on her face, but also because Naruto had rubbed off on him, and he was standing a feet or so away from one of Kakashi’s college friends. Sasuke was never aware that he had college friends, which went to show what a rotten adopted son he’d been, but also went to show how little Kakashi really talked about his life, and--

“He’s Obito’s little cousin.”

“I remember,” Rin said. 

She remembered? Funny, he didn’t remember. Sasuke did his best to ignore his stomach twisting at Kakashi’s introduction, like the fact he was the cousin of a dead person Sasuke hadn’t really known that well was more important...than anything else. It didn’t matter. 

“It’s great to finally meet you in person, Sasuke.”

He nodded. “You...too.”

She smiled, like she understood that he had no idea who she was. He turned and walked upstairs, calling Urushi to his bedroom. He tossed a tennis ball in the air, watching Urushi catching it mid-flight for hours, until his door opened. It was Kakashi, looking...wore down. Sasuke recognized that look, mostly because he’d been staring at the mirror for months now with the same look. 

“You want to go on a walk?”

He didn’t really, but Kakashi looked like he needed a walk, and Sasuke knew that he wouldn’t have asked him if it wasn’t something important. He stood up, nodding, and letting Urushi out of the bedroom. He shoved his head through a sweater, even though it was April, and it was hardly sweater weather, and grabbed Urushi’s leash. He managed to place it on him and even managed to put his shoes on while Urushi sat on the mat. 

Kakashi locked the door, walking on the opposite direction of. Of that house. Sasuke appreciated it because...walking through there filled him with too many emotions, sometimes anger, other times fear, and he just. He would rather not to do today. He handed the leash to Kakashi and hid his hands in the sweater’s pocket, walking bedside him in silence until they got to the trails. 

“Obito’s little cousin?” It wasn’t what he was planning on saying. And it didn’t come out the way that it should have, but now that it was out, he crossed his arms. “Really?”

Kakashi glanced at him. “Aren’t you?”

“I don’t even remember him!”

“I know,” Kakashi said. Sasuke breathed a little easier. “It wasn’t for you, really. I just wanted her to have a point of reference, that’s all.”

“And you couldn’t think of another reference point?” Sasuke asked. He wouldn’t say it, but. But he would have hoped he was something else other than someone’s little cousin. 

“I would have said my son, but we were just having an argument, and I didn’t want to--” 

“It doesn’t matter! We--” 

“Sasuke, I know.” He sighed, “well, now I do--” 

“Who was she?”

Kakashi sighed, again. “She was Obito’s fiancee. A friend.”

“A good friend,” Sasuke whispered. Kakashi nodded. Sasuke, he...well. He would have. The weeks he was with Itachi, he hadn’t...it wasn’t like Itachi had time to be his friend and everyone else...they were not very friendly people, and even if they were, like Mr. Hoshigaki, they were too busy and also, they were watching out for him on behalf of his brother, and that didn’t lend itself to a very fulfilling friendship. It had been lonely. It was still kind of lonely, because there was still something keeping him from the rest of the world, but at least now there was Suigetsu on the bed above him, and Naruto and Jugo called every night, and. And. And he just had never considered much how...lonely Kakashi must have been. Was. “You hadn’t seen her since?”

Kakashi shook his head. “I--” 

“Why?”

Kakashi stopped walking, turning to look at him. “You know, I would still give my life to keep you safe, right? So why do you think?”

“It’s not fair.”

“No, I suppose not,” he shrugged. “But it was a choice and I’ve never regretted it, Sasuke, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t start regretting it for me.”

But how could he not? Kakashi couldn’t have possibly gained much by taking him, Sasuke knew that, obviously he’d lost more than anything. Kakashi would have at the very least saved more money. Or not have to worry about going to jail if his father ever changed his mind. Or actually go to jail, like he had. There was just not--

“Sasuke, stop it. There are a lot of things for you to work through, but me taking you in is not one of them. You shouldn’t be worrying about that.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Sasuke started walking again, Kakashi catching up. For the sun to be so bright, it was not that warm--maybe because it was still too early in the morning. Or maybe the warm air had already risen. “It’s just not right. My father shouldn’t have asked you to do that. You were twenty-two. You were as old as Itachi is right now. That’s crazy. He stole your life from you and I’m pretty sure he never even thanked you. You had to give up everything and--” 

“And I would still do it,” Kakashi said. 

Sasuke knew that he was saying the truth, which made everything all the more frustrating because he might have to give up his life one day, literally, for him, and it was not fair, and Kakashi would because he was just an  _ idiot _ like that. “You were such a stupid twenty-two year old! You still are! And--” 

“It’s okay. I might have been and I still am, but so what? Sasuke, this is nothing for you to worry about, okay? You do have enough things to worry about all by yourself.”

“And you’re fine?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I can’t trust you. You lied. You’ve been lying, you can’t really expect me to believe that--” 

“Then don’t believe me, it’s okay. It’s fine, Sasuke. You can choose to believe anything, but you’re going to hurt yourself over this.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure that he couldn’t get hurt anymore, there was just nothing to hurt anymore. It would require to get through layers of nothingness, and then layers of pure rage at everything. Then maybe, he would get hurt.

\---------

But it was surprisingly easy. To get hurt. It was two days later and Sasuke couldn’t even look at Kakashi anymore, out of guilt. Logically...logically. It. It really hadn’t been his fault. It was technically his father’s fault, and some of the fault was on Kakashi for agreeing like a moron, but. But Sasuke could have done a lot to alleviate some of the troubles. Mostly, killing himself which. 

It wasn’t fair.

He had legitimate reasons to kill himself. A lot of them, in fact. No one should really blame him for wanting to end it. He should. It would just. Just make everything easier then. Of course, Dr. Uzuki said that thoughts like that were normal and understandable, but that he shouldn’t entertain them. But he. He. He just--

He felt a sharp pain on his side. When he turned to look at Naruto, his eyes were going to the front of the classroom and Sasuke followed suit. Everyone was staring at him, he was sure, could feel the eyes on him, like the majority of time that he was at school now, but. But he wasn’t paying attention to them. Just at Kakashi in front of the classroom, staring at him expectantly. His eyes went to the board then. But. There was something to do with exothermic reactions, and. He just.

“Mr. Uchiha, see me after class.”

Couldn’t. Do it.

There was a small gasp behind him. A giggle from somewhere in the front of the class.

“Mr. Uzumaki? Want to help out?”

“Uh,” Naruto cleared his throat. It did nothing to drown the mutters behind Sasuke’s back. “Yeah, it’s, uh, it’s 6200 kilojoules per mole.”

“And?”

“And it’s endothermic.”

“Why?”

“Because the...bonds made are--” 

Are higher energy than the bonds of the reactants. Sasuke looked away from the board because staring at Kakashi’s back while he wrote that had too much symbolism for a Monday afternoon that he just couldn’t deal with it. 

But Kakashi didn’t call on him for the rest of the class. Probably taking pity on him. Though Kakashi wasn’t known for his pity. He wasn’t known for his ability to embarrass students either, and Sasuke was sure that his name was just picked from the popsicle sticks, but. But the anxiety coiling his gut didn’t leave him for the rest of the class, tightening at the sound of the bell, at the way everyone else picked up their backpacks and walked out of the classroom.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Naruto said, but he didn’t wait for a response, walking out, too. 

Sasuke watched Kakashi close the door, locking it. For safety, probably. It wasn’t. It was for safety. Obviously. He picked up his backpack and went up to the teacher’s desk, waiting for Kakashi to take a seat.

“You were distracted today.”

“Sorry, Mr. Hatake,” he said, almost spitting out the name. But he didn’t. The last thing he needed was detention for back talking a teacher. Besides, Kakashi was right. He was Mr.  _ Uchiha _ now, courtesy of himself, of course. “It won’t happen again.”

“Anko said you were distracted in her class, too.”

He was always distracted in history, because he loathed that subject. And the teacher, he hated her, too. “Sorry--” 

“And so did Kurenai.”

“I hate to break it to you, Mr. Hatake,” he said, rolling his eyes. He shouldn’t have. He  _ should _ be apologizing because he had been spacing the entire day because he couldn’t stop thinking about Rin and how Kakashi had just. Just left everything, or everyone behind. There had to be more people whom he forsake, just for him. “But this is high school and we’re teenagers. None of us ever really listen to anything any of you say. It’s boring.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Is it just boring or--” 

“No, it’s also stupid. No one cares about any of this.” He huffed. “And your lesson was especially boring today, it’s not my fault that you talk like a stupid fifty-year old.”

“Well,” he said, handing him a detention slip. “You can study everything you missed today this Saturday.”

Sasuke looked down at it. “Detention? Really? Why?”

“Because you just called a teacher stupid, Sasuke.”

“_You_ _are_. You’re an idiot and--” 

“Do you want to get grounded, too?”

“You can’t ground me, I’m Sasuke  _ Uchiha _ now, aren’t I?”

Kakashi leaned back on the chair. “ _ How  _ would you prefer that I call you, Sasuke? 

“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”

“Ah,” Kakashi said. “But evidently, you do. So, tell me.”

“I don’t care.”

Kakashi stared for a long, hard minute, but Sasuke was great at looking at people now, and staring at their forehead. It was a neat trick. It had helped him during interviews, or when Dr. Uzuki was asking  _ something _ that. That made him want to crawl out of his skin. Eventually, Kakashi stood up, grabbing his briefcase, taking him by the shoulders towards the door. Naruto was there, leaning against the wall, his backpack by the ground. 

“Naruto, you don’t mind giving him a ride home, do you?”

“Uh, no. I don’t, of course not.”

“Excellent,” Kakashi said, pushing Sasuke towards Naruto. “I have a meeting. I’ll be home later, Mr. Hatake.”

Sasuke would have thrown something at him, but he didn’t have anything to throw, except for the detention slip, and that wouldn’t hurt. The backpack would hurt too much and that would definitely get him grounded. He still wasn’t sure that Kakashi would ground him because...well, Kakashi hadn’t done a lot of parenting lately, but...but he actually didn’t want to be grounded. It was not. It wouldn’t. The entire time that he was with Itachi, he had been practically grounded. 

He didn’t want to be again. He couldn’t be.

“Come on,” Naruto said, picking up his backpack.

Sasuke followed him, glancing over his shoulder. It was just that Kakashi didn’t have meetings. Department meetings had been moved to Wednesdays, and the staff meetings were only held bymonthly now, the second and fourth week of the month. He dropped his backpack in Naruto’s trunk and then got inside, taking a deep breath. He’d been inside the truck enough times, but sometimes, it. It was harder, just a little bit. It was stupid, though.

“We need to follow him.”

“What?”

Sasuke took another breath, watching some freshman walking to the bus stop. “He doesn’t have any meetings. We need to follow him.”

“Why?”

“Because I say so. Can you just please follow him?”

“Sasuke, we’re in the car and he’s inside the school. How am I supposed to follow him? Are you sure you’re--” 

“I’m  _ fine _ ! I can’t believe you used to have no qualms about snooping around in my life and now when we’re actually going to snoop around, you’re having second thoughts--” 

“Well, I’m sorry, but last time I snooped around your life, I helped move a dead body--” 

“We’re going to follow Kakashi, not my brother, and not criminals. Can you please just--” 

“Sasuke, I don’t think we’ll--” 

“Please.” His brother had been right. He should get his license, this was ridiculous. He unbuckled his seatbelt, “fine. If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine, I don’t--” 

The doors locked. He tried to pull the locks from the window, but they were inside and weren’t budging. He ratteld the doorstep.

“Naruto, open the door.”

“I told Kakashi that I was going to take you home. If you’re not home, then he’s going to get worried. It’s not fair to him, Sasuke and--” 

“Let me out.”

“No. You can’t follow Kakashi, okay?” Naruto’s voice was higher than normal. It sounded more like a shriek than anything else. “It’s dangerous and--” 

“You’re such a hypocrite,” Sasuke said, rattling the door. He could probably break the window. He just needed to leave. It was not the same thing. He should not have--it was not a thing. Not like that. It was Naruto. Of course he had thought Naruto was a bad kidnapper the first time they really met, hadn’t he? And really, a lot of things could be traced back to Naruto, couldn’t they? Naruto had--

No. Those were the kind of thoughts that he shouldn’t be entertaining. They were not true, but--

“Sasuke--” 

“Stop. Stop. Let me out,” Sasuke said. He reached out over Naruto, to his door. Even if Naruto kidnapped him, it was not. It would not be the end of the world. It wouldn’t be like that. He hadn’t killed anyone, not really, he wasn’t going to--

“You can’t spy on your dad! This is crazy--” 

“Like you wouldn’t do the same thing--” 

“I would. I did, I guess, okay? But look where it got me!” Naruto held his wrists. It didn’t hurt, but Sasuke knew it would leave marks. “Got you? Sasuke it’s not right. Whatever you need to spy on him for, you can just talk to him about it. He’ll tell you--” 

“Just let me out.”

He heard the click. The lock came out. He jerked the door open, letting some air inside. And then he unbuckled his seatbelt, running out of the car. Running. He wasn’t sure were, he obviously couldn’t run after Kakashi’s car, but it didn’t matter. If he made it back home, then Suigetsu would give him a ride. Of course. Of course.

He landed on the ground. His knees burned. A moment later, he could feel air entering his lungs again.

“Will you stop running away?”

It was Naruto. Of course it was Naruto, who else would it be? It was just Naruto. “Get off.”

“Sasuke--” 

“Stop. I can’t breathe.” He knew it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Naruto’s fault. It was not. It was just Sasuke, going a little crazy. It had been four months, and he still. Still couldn’t move on. “Just--” 

“I’m moving, but I’m going to run after you if you do run again,” Naruto said, at last getting off of him. 

Sasuke sat up, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his face in between them. Minutes later, he found his bearings again, found it just a little less difficult to breathe. It was stupid because it was Naruto and it was day, not night, and there weren’t any people chasing him, no one threatening anyone, it had just been Naruto being a somewhat dramatic and stubborn jerk, and. And it was totally fine. It was nothing to be angry about. Naruto had said that he would take him home and Sasuke knew how much he cared about keeping his word.

“Kakashi’s old friend came to visit. On Saturday,” he began. “And...and he looked happy, and sad, and--and I know that he went to meet her. I just want to know where she is--” 

“So you can talk to her, too?” Naruto asked, softly. “Sasuke, whatever you think she would tell you, Kakashi would tell you himself--” 

“He never told me that they hurt him.”

“To keep you safe,” Naruto said. “When I...I carried that body and heard,” he shook his head. “I couldn’t think about telling my dad, either. If someone finds out, it will ruin his career, and I just wanted to protect him. I couldn’t tell him myself, your brother did. When you ran away, or when you put that video up online...you did it to protect people, you did it to protect Kakashi. It was just the same thing, he was just trying to keep you safe.”

“No one can keep me safe.”

“You’ve been safe for some weeks--” 

“Some weeks as opposed to a decade. Yeah. So safe.”

“It starts with weeks, eventually it will be longer. And you’re going to be safe, it’s not the end of the world.”

“You don’t know that. Thinking I’m safe is nothing but foolish thoughts that have no base in reality.”

“Sasuke--” 

“I’m just tired.” He glanced up, “Sorry I made you chase me all the way and for asking you to do something that you’re not comfortable with.” 

“It’s okay. Sorry for locking you in my car.”

“It’s okay.” 

Naruto scooted closer, “maybe we should go back.”

Sasuke stood up, helping him up. It looked like he wasn’t the only one who had lost weight. “You know Dr. Uzuki--” 

“I know,” he said. “Me too. I...I’ve been meeting with her. Wednesdays after school. She doesn’t know what really happened,” he shrugged. “But I told her that it’s a recurring nightmare and that I can’t sleep a lot.”

“And?”

“She says that...” he shrugged, “that I may be taking too much of your life as my responsibility and--” 

“She’s right--” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Naruto was doing a lot of shrugging, but this time it was accompanied by rubbing his neck, “I mean, I’ve been doing that since I first met you. Since Kiba shoved me into your bathroom stall and I saw those belt marks on you, right? It doesn’t have anything to do with you this time, it...it was just myself.”

“If it wasn’t--” 

“I was the one who got into the car with Suigetsu that day. I guess I thought I could bring you home...I guess technically it worked, but...anything that happened there, it was not because of you.”

“Itachi wouldn’t have--” 

“He might have, but I chose to help him. It was not. You weren’t forcing me to help him.” Naruto shook his head, “and...and it was fine, there is nothing...it just,” he shrugged. “I just...I know it sounds stupid and I know that you’ve gone through a lot of things and I guess I have to, now, but I’m still glad that I get to be there for you.”

“You’re such a mushy idiot.” Somehow, walking back did not feel as long as running had been. He opened the passenger door, taking a deep breath, but it was going to be fine. “You better not be planning to propose or so--” 

“You know,” Naruto glanced at him, turning the key. “I know it sounds even mushier, but...after all of this, I can’t imagine not having you in my life. I’m not saying you’re my soulmate or anything,” he said, quickly. Sasuke glanced at him, finding a deep red all over his cheeks. “It’s just that any kind of relationship would feel so...superficial after all of this. I’ll be standing in front of a judge or an altar or something, and it could be the love of my life, and all I’ll be thinking is how I wouldn’t move a dead body for them.”

“Thought you just said it wasn’t for--” 

“Or if they would stand in front of a gun for me.” Naruto shrugged, “it’s stupid. It’s not fair to any potential boyfriends, I guess.”

“Tell me about it.”

Naruto grinned, “unless it was you. Then I wouldn’t have to wonder.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but slap his shoulder. “We’re in high school. You’re such an idiot, we’re not going to maryr and you’re not proposing. That’s insane. We’ve known each other for less than a year--” 

“Still though.”

“Just take me home.” But Sasuke couldn’t help but smile a little. Even when Naruto changed the topic to his garden, the tomatoes apparently still eaten by crows and the scarecrow not quite managing to scare them. Of course not. Naruto had covered it with seeds because he felt bad that he was scaring birds. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Sasuke nodded, reaching for his backpack. “Come over if you need homework help,” he said, before he closed the door. He opened the door, stepping inside. It smelled...good. Like food he would have made, but he hadn’t made it because he hadn’t been inside--

“Hi, Sasuke.” It was Rin. From Saturday. “Kakashi said that maybe you would like to talk?”

“Where is he?”

“He had a parent-teacher conference,” she said. “He left the key under the rock by--” 

“By the tree.” He locked the door. “I--I don’t really know why he would tell you that--” 

“I don’t either, but we can talk. I’d love to talk to you. I’d love to get to know you, just a little bit, as much as you would be okay with.”

He walked into the kitchen, eyeing the pan. “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t really...” he shook his head. “I guess I’d like to know why you showed up now. It’s not like Kakashi didn’t need the company before. He could have--” 

“I was out of the country,” she said. “Doctors without borders, and before that...I thought Kakashi was dead, I mean, I never heard from him. That’s all. I would have been there, if I had known.”

“He can use a friend.”

“Everyone can always use a friend,” she said. 

Sasuke couldn’t argue with that, even though something in the back of his head wanted to scream. But. But he wasn’t supposed to be entertaining those thoughts. 


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how many chapters were thereeee

The food was...good. It didn’t have a lot of flavors, making everything taste purer than if it was smothered with different kinds of sauces. Sasuke managed to finish half of it before he started pushing the food around the plate, to waste time and to make it look like he ate more than he really had. It was nothing. He just wasn’t hungry. It wasn’t bad. He ate a big lunch at school, ate half of Naruto’s sandwich and some carrots. 

Plus, he wasn’t playing any sports--the irony of which wasn’t lost on him--so it was more important to watch his calorie intake now. It made sense.

“Did you like it?”

Sasuke looked up. “Yeah, it was really good, thank you.”

“Oh, good. It’s been awhile since I cooked for someone other than myself.”

“It was great,” Sasuke said. He set the fork down, “so...you knew Kakashi in college?”

She hummed. “We met in the first semester of chemistry. Come to find out, he was actually my top floor neighbor. He was a great a study buddy.”

The thought of Kakashi surrounded by college students was weird. Sasuke couldn’t humor it too much, and yet, he was curious. He had been planning to spy on Kakashi just to find her, hadn’t he? And here she was, probably because Kakashi had been two steps ahead of him the whole time, and had arranged this. “And Obito was who?”

“His roomate,” she said, her expression softening, her smile faltering. “He was studying political science and international business, but he wasn’t very good at math. He tried, though.”

“Right,” he said. It was something that he should have known, if Kakashi hadn’t been so secretive for an entire decade. If the last time he really heard of his cousin was when he was six-years old. “And you...met Obito through Kakashi.”

“I actually met Obito in freshman orientation, but yeah, we were acquaintanced again one day when Kakashi and I were studying for a midterm.”

He didn’t know why, but...he didn’t want to hear any more of that. He would have liked to hear it from Kakashi himself, not...someone who showed up at their doorstep two days ago. “And you’re a doctor now?”

“That’s right. I’ve been in Doctors Without Borders since I graduated from med school.”

Sasuke felt like there were a lot more questions that needed to be asked, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was betraying Kakashi by asking them, and listening to her. Maybe if he was here, it would be a lot less awkward. “Did you try to find him?”

“Of course,” she said, without missing a beat. “Eventually, I convinced myself that he had been recruited to the CIA or something and that’s why he disappeared like that. I guess it wasn’t quite the CIA, but it was just as important.”

“He never mentioned anyone,” Sasuke said. And he had been...too stupid to think that maybe Kakashi did have a life before him. It was stupid and selfish and so wildly inconsiderate that it made him want to gauge his eyes out. “But if he had--” 

“He wouldn’t have,” she said. “I always had the impression that he was worried about knowing people in college.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It was like he was always too scared of letting people know him.”

“Sounds like him,” he mumbled. Maybe it wasn’t just his fault, then, maybe Kakashi was just aversive to his personal experiences. “But he must have missed you, anyway.”

“I’m sure he did,” she said, lighter now. “I shouldn’t have shown up like that, but I thought that if I’d called, or something, he might find a way to postpone it for years, and I was...very excited to meet him, see him again. Meet you, too. I’d only seen you in pictures, but you look so much like you did...before.”

Sasuke managed a smile. “Thanks.” 

It didn’t sound like a compliment, though. Or rather, it sounded like a compliment, a genuine one, but it wasn’t. Sasuke had spent hours staring at the mirror, trying to find something recognizable staring back at him, but the only thing he ever saw was a stranger staring back at him, and it was...disconcerting, uncomfortable. It was awful. He missed looking like himself, but he couldn’t exactly dye his hair again because that would...it wouldn’t look good. It would be bad press for Uchiha Inc., but more importantly, it would be bad press for his brother. 

Sasuke just couldn’t do that to him.

Rin smiled, “of course.”

“I guess all of us looked the same.” It just made it worse. Because now, not only was he staring at a stranger in every reflective surface at which he happened to glance, but he was also staring at everyone who’d been murdered. Cousins. Uncles. Aunts. His father. 

His mom.

“Whoever started it must have had strong genes.”

Sasuke grabbed the glass of water, bringing it to his lips. He drank, trying to figure something else to say, but drawing a blank. “I have homework,” he said. “It’s really great to meet you, but I have homework.”

“Of course,” she said. 

“But you can stay here, if you want. Dad will show up soon, eventually. Parent-teacher conferences don’t tend to last too long,” he said. “Make yourself at home. Excuse me.” He took the plates to the kitchen.

The door opened when he was drying them. Kakashi walked inside, mumbling something under his breath that was too low to hear. 

“Oh, hey, Sasuke.”

Sasuke set the plates down to finish drying. “Hi,” he said. “Um, sorry for what I said in school.”

“It’s okay. You still have detention, though.”

Of course he did, Sasuke hadn’t apologized to make it go away. Over the past months, he’d grown familiar with the  _ do the crime, pay the time _ mentality and he was perfectly okay with that. Really. “I’m...still sorry,” he said. 

“I know, Sasuke. If you want, I’ll start calling you, Mr. Hatake again,” Kakashi said, entering the kitchen, patting his shoulder. “It’s up to you.”

He nodded, but mostly towards the direction of the dining table. Rin was still there, looking down at her phone, although Sasuke had caught her looking at Kakashi just a second ago. He couldn’t tell if Kakashi knew that or not, but it felt like a private moment. He was about to leave when he heard Kakashi clearing his throat. 

“You don’t want to stay here for this?”

Sasuke glanced at him. “For what?”

“Whatever you needed. Need.”

It was unfair, the way that Kakashi could read him like a book, but he couldn’t read him at all, even after a decade of knowing him. “I don’t need anything.”

“Of couse not,” Kakashi said, “but we’re going to be talking about college and fun things, so if you want to hear any of that, you’re more than welcome to be there.”

Sasuke watched him go to the living room, taking a seat opposite to Rin, his back turned to him. He couldn’t help but stare a little, at the way that Kakashi’s back muscles relaxed, the way that he leaned back on the chair, like he was actually at ease, instead of  _ pretending  _ like he was. Sasuke washed the dishes a hundred times, standing there just listening to the stories. 

Apparently, Obito would forget his keys a thousand times a day, to the point that Rin actually had a copy, or Kakashi would have to come back from the other end of campus to let him into the building. Apparently, Obito liked to swim and apparently, he taught Rin how to swim, and apparently, Kakashi used to work for a fancy couple, watching over their poodle on the weekends, and apparently, one weekend, the dog’s leash broke and apparently, they spent an entire night looking for Pearl, the poodle dog that cost more than their entire apartment, and apparently, Kakashi had lived with Obito and Rin the last two years of college, and apparently. Apparently, Sasuke really didn’t know anything. 

Except that he was an asshole for stealing all of that from him. And his father was a bigger asshole.

He took the house key and walked out the door, carefully closing it so it would be quiet. He assumed Kakashi would somehow know he’d left, but he hopefully got out without disturbing their conversation. When was the last time he even heard Kakashi genuinely chuckle? 

At the end of the driveway, he turned to the right, figuring he could just take a stroll around the neighborhood, or even just get to Naruto’s house. 

But the house was. That house was. It was an Open House. It was a weird day to have an Open House, but the sun hadn’t set, so it was probably providing just enough natural light so not to make the place look like it was haunted, like there had been two murders right there. A family of three were walking out, nodding along. They seemed to pause their conversation to gawk at him, but Sasuke was still wearing his school uniform, making him as presentable as he could possibly be. It was fine. 

He walked past them, stepping inside, his breath caught in his throat. It was the first time he went through the front door--before, it had been the garage door and running out, that had been over the backyard fence. There was a mirror at the entrance that maybe had been there the entire time, or maybe it was new, for decoration. 

He looked exhausted.

But it was okay.

It wasn’t the end of the world.

He walked upstairs, a finger running over the metal rail. He couldn’t remember the coldness, either. Maybe it was new, too. Maybe, Sasuke just hadn’t touched the banister that night. He couldn’t remember. Maybe if he could remember, it would be worse. The wooden floor stretched forever, but it shouldn’t have because this house wasn’t any bigger than his own, or than Naruto’s. And yet. Yet, the floor stretched and widened and. And it was okay, though, because he was almost sure that he hadn’t been up here, either. He couldn’t have. He would remember something, like the portrait of elephants near water, or the mirror staring back at him. 

The doors were opened. He went inside the smaller one, looking around, telling himself that it was perfectly normal for it to look like a child’s bedroom now, because it was a family house, and prospective buyers would enjoy seeing the walls painted a faint, pleasant green, would enjoy seeing a child’s bed pushed against the bed, with a thousand pillows loitering on the mattress. There was a small table, and a toy box that couldn’t possibly have belonged to that older couple. 

Sasuke had never really stepped back inside his childhood home--the real one, the Uchiha one, but--but. Had everything been erased like this? Painted over? Washed away? It didn’t seem right, to try to change the past like that. And yet, he was living proof that there was something to be said about washing away the past; after all, that’s what his father wanted, that’s what Kakashi did. There hadn’t been another option. Except. Except dying, which at least one person  _ should _ have considered because it would have saved everyone so much trouble. 

He turned on his heel, making his way to the master bedroom, feeling his chest tighten somewhat, for no reason at all. He might have been there, but he couldn’t remember. There was just nothing to remember. It had been dark and it was light now, and maybe if he came back at night, then maybe it would be different, but if he came back at night it would. It would not be--there would not be an Open House then and he would be trespassing, and that would be an inappropriate situation. 

He made his way downstairs, hovering by the hallway, before he turned on his heel and left. It was just too soon to see those couches--they were probably gone, had to be, there must have been blood stained on them, so they must have been destroyed, or tossed away, or put into evidence, or something. But he still couldn’t see.

Probably never. It didn’t matter. It was fine. He headed back home, hearing voices from the living room. Good. They were still talking, hadn’t noticed he’d left, which was great. He stuck his head into the kitchen, spotting Kakashi’s keys and taking them.

He kind of knew how to drive.

It was fine.

It couldn’t possibly be that difficult.

He closed the door and got inside the car, putting the key in the ignition. And turning it on. He’d never heard anyone actually talk about how dangerous driving was, but it would be so easy to slam into something that. Anyway. It couldn’t be that difficult. He fixed the rearview window and pulled out of the driveway.

One. Two. Three. 

He turned to the right at the stop sign. 

Did people get arrested for driving without a license? He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. They would only stop him if he broke a traffic law, and he actually knew all of those. There weren’t that many, anyway. Just look left and right before starting at stop lights, and not run over stop lights. Yellow was preventative, not  _ speed up _ . Of course not. It could cause a car accident and. And who really wanted that?

It was totally fine. 

The freeway was. Anyway, it didn’t matter. 

He was obviously driving under the speed limit. 

Clearly.

Why wouldn’t he be?

Obviously, he was. He wasn’t that much of an asshole. Obviously, if he  _ really _ wanted to die, he wouldn’t risk other people’s deaths, too. He wasn’t an asshole that way. Of course, if he died, it wouldn’t really matter. 

There were more cars in the city. People were more aggressive, there. It made sense, he wasn’t judging, they had more places to be, people to see, jobs, money to make. He was just about to turn back when he saw a small shop, squeezed in between a retail store and a liquor store: a tattoo parlor. It’s Open sign was hanging from the door, clearly visible and clearly broken. 

It was technically illegal to get a tattoo without a parent’s signature, and even then, Sasuke was almost sure that people had to wait until they were eighteen. And he’d never really considered a tattoo, ever, because, well. For many reasons. But he had money and. And he doubted someone would actually say no. The place looked sketchy enough, anyway. He parked, staring at the shop for what felt like years, until he got out. 

“You’re not old enough.”

“What?”

“You’re not old enough to get a tattoo.” 

“I’m just looking,” Sasuke said, eyeing the man at the counter. Sasuke didn’t think he looked  _ particularly _ young, and he was almost eighteen, wasn’t he? He was pretty sure. He wasn’t entirely sure when he’s real birthday was, but he had to be almost eighteen. “How old do I have to be?”

The man chuckle. It was low. “Older than you are.” 

So underage kids could get an abortion, but not a tattoo? Insane. Sasuke always sort of assumed that it was the same thing, power over one’s own body, self-autonomy, but apparently not. 

“Do you have a portfolio or something?”

The man stared at him. His beard almost touched the counter, and then handed him a black binder. “To be clear, I’m not tattooing you, but I guess you can see.”

Sasuke took the binder, sitting down on one of the chairs. They were pretty. Most of them, at least--there were some questionable ones, but clearly, the shop wasn’t as sketchy as it looked from the outside. 

He closed the binder, setting it on the counter. The man was helping a person with blond hair, the kind of blond that Naruto was, but Sasuke nodded at the owner anyway, figuring that was enough thanks for  _ not tattoing him _ . He stepped outside, hearing the annoying bell--the one that small shops had to alert the owner when someone came in or left. What kind of state allowed abortions but not tattoos? They were--

“Not old enough?”

Sasuke turned around. It was the blond guy. “Apparently not.”

The man shrug, presumably with a pitying look on his face. “I’m actually a tattoo artist, if you want, uh?”

“If you are, then what were you doing in here?”

“Can’t tattoo myself,” the man said, rolling his sleeve up. The tattoo, presumably underneath the white bandage. “It’s difficult to keep the needle in control while you’re also itching with some pain, isn’t it?” He pulled out a card and handed it over.

Sasuke looked at it.  _ Art is a Bang, come make your body a work of art _ . There was an address, and a phone number. A name, too, but he wasn’t particularly interested in that. “Are you free now?”

“Yeah. Stop by, if you’d like, yeah?”

Sasuke nodded. “I’ll follow you, I guess.”

The man gave a slight nod. Sasuke walked back to the car, crawling over the passenger seat to get to the diver’s seat. He looked down at the card. He hadn’t even decided what he wanted, but he didn’t particularly care. He turned his phone off. How fortunate that he’d found someone willing to tattoo? It’s not like Sasuke would ever open his mouth. He wasn’t going to put the man in jail. He started the car, following behind a blue toyota, with white stripes along the sides. 

Until he was in front of an apartment complex, its walls dirty white.

His brother was going to murder him.

He got out of the car, locking it, and following the man up stairs. Old stairs, presumably. 

Kakashi was going to kill him.

“Have you thought about what you wanted?”

There was something funny about following a man to an apartment, after meeting him in a tattoo parlor, after finding the man was more than willing to tattoo a minor. He stepped inside the apartment, glancing around. There was a massage table in the center of what should have been the living room and posters covered every inch of the walls.

“I used to work in the east coast, yeah? But,” the man said. “I recently moved. Haven’t built enough clientele to pay a permanent place.” 

Sasuke just nodded, having no idea how tattoo artists actually went about renting or finding a place, but not particularly caring. “It’s cool,” he said, settling on non-committal acknowledgment. 

“Have you thought about what you want?”

“Birds.” It was the first thing that popped in his mind. He accepted the binder from him, eyeing it blankly, not quite registering much of anything. But pretending like he did.

“Okay, do you have a design?”

“Not really. Aren’t you the artist?”

“Sure,” he said. “Most people have a design, though.”

Sasuke shook his head. “Surprise me.”

There was a chuckle. “Where do you want it?”

He paused for a second. Asking where it would hurt the most might be a warning bell for the man, and Sasuke didn’t want to be kicked out after coming all the way out here. “Like on my shoulder blade,” he settled on. “And my ribs,” he added.

“Sounds like you want a big one.”

“Surprise me.”

“Color?”

Sasuke held back the shrug. “Whatever would look good.”

He chuckled, “you’re pretty pale. Most colors would look good.”

“Good.”

The man stared at him for a moment. Sasuke should probably walk away. The man nodded towards the table. Sasuke should probably check that he had a clean, new needle. He pulled his shirt over his head, setting it on the floor. The guy actually pulled out a measuring tape, apparently to measure his torso, but Sasuke knew nothing about tattoos, so he couldn’t decide how weird it was. He didn’t particularly care, of course. 

“You really don’t have to show me the design first,” he said, as he watched the man take out a sketchbook. 

“Are you sure? This is for life, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Are you intoxicated?”

He shook his head. “Are you going to do it?”

“Yeah, yeah. Lay down.”

Sasuke did. Maybe his ribs were still hurt because. Because it actually felt like a hot knife was carving into his skin. Poking and probing and dragging, all across his torso and up his back. The inside of his cheeks was probably bleeding. His tongue probably was too. It was worse, laying face down. It felt like that time. He dug his nails into the table’s legs.

If his goal had been to feel something, he’d certainly accomplished it. And. And it had to be better than. Than other things. Anyway. Anyway. 

It hurt. 

Not enough to cry or scream, but enough to. To.

Anyway.

It went on for hours. 

“Do you want to see it before I patch it up, or is--” 

“No. No, it’s fine.” His voice sounded strained even to his ears.

The cream--the man. It. Anyway, anyway. He was patched up. And Sasuke handed over the credit card. Only to find out that the man wouldn’t accept a card. The situation didn’t escalate as much as it could have, which was nice. The guy just drove him to the bank, and judging by the lack of sunlight, it had absolutely taken hours. He drove him to the bank that Itachi’s card was from, and Sasuke took out enough money to definietly warrant some choice words from his brother. 

He handed the money over once they were in the apartment’s again, tossing out the business card before getting inside the car.. And drove. He didn’t turn his phone on until he was back in the neighborhood, passing the school. It went off. Kakashi. His brother. Naruto. Mr. Uzumaki and Mrs. Uzumaki. Suigetsu. Jugo. The U-turn might have been an illegal one. Karin. It was totally fine. Until he made it again, which was fine. There was no one around.

He should get home.

That was going to be fun.

It wasn’t. 

He expected to have the place crawling with police, but there was no one parked. Except, when he opened the door. 

“Where were you?”

Sasuke handed the keys over to Kakashi. He hadn’t seen him so pissed off since...ever. “Just driving.”

“You don’t drive.” It looked like it was physically painful for him to speak.

Mr. Uzumaki was hovering by the hallway. So was Dr. Rin. 

“Evidently, I do,” Sasuke said. “Nothing ha--” 

“Go. To. Your. Room. Now.”

Sasuke walked upstairs, closing the door, somewhat surprised that Suigetsu wasn’t there. But Urushi ran up to him, and Sasuke called him over to the bed, scratching between his ears. Actually, now that he thought about it, Naruto wasn’t there, either. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, looking down at it. It was probably not appropiate that they should  _ take their relationship to the next level _ . Or fuck, more specifically. 

It was probably a bad idea. Especially now with a tattoo. He’ll need to get tested now, too. 

Oh, well.

About twenty minutes later, Kakashi knocked. 

“It’s open,” he said. 

Kakashi stepped inside. His jaw was clenched. “Obviously, you’re grounded.”

He huffed. “Yeah, whatever.”

“What did you do with those two thousand dollars?”

Itachi sure kept track of finances. “Gave it to a homeless man,” he replied.

“Sasuke,” he said. “You’re about five seconds away from getting slapped--” 

“Why? You’ll just feel bad afterwards.”

“I will feel terrible,” Kakashi said. “But you’re still about five seconds from getting slapped. What did you with that money?”

Sasuke stood up. “I got a tattoo.”

There was a pause. “ _ What _ ?”

“I got a tattoo,” he repeated, slower this time. For Kakashi’s benefit, obviously.

“Where?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Found someone outside a tattoo parlor. I think it was the person’s apartment. Maybe not.”

“You followed a stranger into an apartment?”

“Guess I did.”

“Who?”

“Didn’t catch a name.”

“Where?”

“Don’t remember,” he said. At least he’d tossed the business card out. He didn’t want to put the guy in prison for a misdeamenor. “Anything--” 

“I hope you know your butt is grounded for forever,” Kakashi said. “Did you at least make sure that it was clean?”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” he said.

It looked like he took a deep breath. “So you stole a car, drove around without a license, and then found someone to tattoo you illegally, taking money from your brother to pay in cash?”

“Yup.”

Kakashi raised his hand. But it didn’t hurt. It didn’t even land on his cheek. Just the back of his neck. To pull him closer. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, although Kakashi was very clearly hugging him. 

“Hugging you,” he said. 

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know what else to do.”

Sasuke understood that sentiment, so he stayed put. 

“Can I see it?”

“I’d rather see it myself first,” he mumbled.

The hold on him tightened. “You let a stranger tattoo you without even checking on it?”

“Yeah.” He felt a kiss on his hair. “Kakashi, you’re freaking me out.”

“Funny,” he said. “You’re freaking me out, too.”

Sasuke kept quiet, figuring that Kakashi would let him go eventually. But he didn’t. Not until Urushi jumped out of the bed, when the downstairs door opened. There were footsteps coming up the stairs. The door opened, and Kakashi let go and Sasuke didn’t miss anything. It was Suigetsu, wearing shorts and a sweater with a tiny shark on the bottom. Sasuke did his best to ignore the mild glare thrown his direction.

“Well, I’ll leave you two kiddos to it,” Kakashi said, and did just that.

“You could have texted,” Suigetsu said after the silence dragged on.

“I know,” he said. He did. He could have. But then, they would have been able to track him down, would have been able to figure out who the man was, and Kakashi would press charges and so would Itachi, and Mr. Uzumaki would probably arrest him, and whatever hopes the artist had for the rest of his life would be dashed just because he helped Sasuke out. “I was just driving.”

“Nice.” Suigetsu replied, crawling onto the bunk bed. “You know that you’re an idiot, right?”

Sasuke didn’t bother to answer that because he did. He knew that. He figured that he’d always known that, even when he was a little kid, because he’d always known that his big brother was so much smarter, always, and if he wasn’t as smart as Itachi, then he had to be an idiot. He brushed his fingers against the fabric of his shirt, feeling the makeshift bandage underneath it. He climbed onto Suigetsu’s bed, poking his side until he turned to look at him.

“How are you?”

He might have shrugged. “Fine.”

“I got a tattoo.”

“What?”

Sasuke pulled his shirt over his head. The bandages were supposed to be to prevent sunlight exposure, but he was inside and it was dark outside, anyway, so he pulled the bandages off, turning around, giving his back to Suigetsu so that he could look at it. “How does it look?”

The silence dragged on. “Surprisingly good. Who did it?”

“I don’t know. Some guy I found. What is it?”

“You’re such an idiot.” He might have repeated it for emphasis. “But it looks like a phoenix, with falling feathers. It looks nice. I could have gone with you.”

“It was kind of unexpected,” Sasuke said. “I--” 

“Obviously. You stole Kakashi’s car. You don’t have a license and it’s three in the morning.” There was a slap on his shoulder. “You could have died. Someone could have killed you. I hope you’re at least grounded.”

“I am.”

“Good.” There might have been too much anger in that single word. “Though you should really be getting an ass whooping.”

“I think Kakashi chickened out.”

“I hope you know that if we were back home, my dad would have gladly stepped the hell up to the plate and bend you over his knee.”

Maybe Sasuke should just fly to the east coast then. He put his shirt back on, although he really should be changing out of the school’s uniform. “I know,” he said, laying down on his stomach. “How are they? Your parents, I mean.”

“They’re okay,” Suigetsu said, laying down too. “I guess they’re better. They arrested my brother, and I guess there’s charging him. It makes sense, he’s kind of awful, now, I mean. Understandable, I suppose. Dad says mom’s been crying a lot, though, thinking she’s a bad mom. I’ve never even seen her cry.”

Sasuke hadn’t either. She was not someone to cry, he supposed, a little like Kakashi. Though maybe, she cried in private. “She’s not a bad mom, though. Your brother just...had bad influences.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes, when kids do stupid shit, the parents have to feel bad about it. They raised them, after all, didn’t they?”

“If you’re trying to make me feel bad about everything and Kakashi, you should know that--” 

“I just can’t believe you did such stupid things!” Suigetsu sat up, looking down at him. “What happened?”

“Nothing, Getsu, I really just wanted a tattoo. You’re the one who carries around a fake ID. If you can do some illegal things, why can’t--” 

“Because no one has tried to kill me or kidnap me or torture me! And there’s a difference between illegal and stupid and doing both is just ten times worse.” He laid back down, crossing his arms on his chest, clearly glaring up at the ceiling.

Sasuke wished he could glare at it, too. But he couldn’t be on his back. Because of the tattoo, obviously. 


	41. Chapter 41

Kakashi woke him up two hours later, at five in the morning, dragging him out the house for a jog that wasn’t at all a jog, as much as it was a sprint that Urushi set the pace for and left Sasuke puking in their driveway an hour later.

“You’re cleaning that up,” Kakashi said as he handed him a glass of water. 

Sasuke took a small sip, as his stomach contracted. He watched Urushi and Kakashi walk inside, their dog presumably excited to eat food, judging by the wagging tail. It took a few longer minutes to control himself, and then he too, headed inside the house; the kitchen, specifically, to grab a mop to wipe away the mess. Either he was extremely out of shape, or Kakashi was exceedingly pissed off. 

“Hurry up.” Kakashi was leaning against the doorframe, his hair wet, dressed for work. “I need to get to school to finish grading some lab reports.”

“They really can’t wait?” Sasuke mumbled under his breath, putting away the mop and dragging himself to the stairs.

“Nope,” he said. “If you’re not down in five minutes, I’m carrying you out.”

Sasuke managed to pick up the pace. Kakashi sounded serious and he was too tied to put up much of a fight, which meant that he would be thrown over a shoulder and escorted out of the house, which was not something he ever wanted. He rushed through the shower and threw on a clean uniform, catching half a glimpse of his back. The phoenix looked like it was engulfed in flame, almost covering his entire right shoulder blade, with red feathers falling along his back, twisting around his torso, turning darker until they reached his ribs, where they turned into obsidian ash. 

Totally worth the two thousand dollars, honestly. He should have tipped more, considering that the man could have turned half of his back into a shit show. 

Kakashi was waiting downstairs, by the door, with Urushi’s treat ball in his hand. He set it down, and Sasuke barely had time to grab his backpack before they were driving to school. He might have dozed off, for as long as he could. Until Kakashi woke him up. Sasuke had never been to school so early, it wasn’t even seven, and he decided that it sucked. Absolutely completely sucked. But he supposed that was the idea. 

Kakashi marched him to the science hallway, opening his door, and promptly handing him a scalpel. 

“Your classmates like to chew gum, but they haven’t quite figured out that there are exactly five trash cans around the classroom.” 

Sasuke stared down at the tool, realization dawning on him. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. When you’re done, clean the desks. There are wipes in the closet. Make sure you do a good job, I’ll check it.”

Sasuke stood there, watching Kakashi go to his desk and take out a pile of lab reports. “You--” 

“I’m sure the rest of your teachers will love for someone to clean their classrooms too, Mr. Hatake.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. He was pretty sure that this was absolutely not allowed, regardless of whether or not Kakashi was his dad or not. “Doesn’t the school pay custodians?”

“Sure,” Kakashi said. “But you can do it for free. Hurry up.”

Sasuke glared a little, but Kakashi’s attention was on the lab reports. He grabbed the trash can by the door and dragged it to the middle of the first row, crawling under the desk and using his phone for light. Evidently, all of his classmates were disgusting and obviously, Kakashi should just ban gums entirely. Although in his peer’s defense, some of the gum looked like it was ages old. He began scrapping, soon finding out that the hard ones were better than the ones that could only be described as fresher and therefore, sticker and grosser. 

By the time the warning bell rang, over an hour later, Sasuke was halfway through the classroom, figuring that if he ever saw someone chewing gum, he would drag the trash can and put it in front of their face. 

The door opened just as he was standing up and brushing off his pants. 

“Come back during lunch.”

Sasuke almost threw the trash can at him, but he resisted the urge and instead set it next to the door. He almost crashed against Sakura on the way out. 

“Good morning, Sasuke,” she said.

“Hi,” he said, because there was nothing good about the morning. It was eight and he had calculus and he’d just spent the better part of an hour cleaning gum from underneath Kakashi’s desks. As far as punishments went, it was a terrible one. Sasuke deserved a lot of things, objectively speaking, he supposed because maybe he’d been sort of an idiot, as Suigetsu so nicely kept pointing out, but scrapping off gum was cruel and unusual. 

He made his way to calculus, dozing off until he felt a poke. A couple of pokes on the back of his neck, actually. He turned around,not at all surprised to find Naruto with a worried look on his eyes, but with his jaw clenched.

“Where were you?” It could have been a whisper. Or a hiss. It was a toss up.

“City,” Sasuke said. 

“We--” 

“I know.”

“Do you really, though?”

Sasuke would have sighed, if he had any energy for that. “Can we talk later?” 

When they weren’t surrounded by prying ears of a thousand teenagers too eager to have some drama so early in the morning. He turned back to the board when Naruto nodded and for the next hour did his best to ignore the endless poking. Enduring a similar amount of poking for the rest of the morning, to the point that when the lunch bell rang, he was actually not that miserable thinking about scrapping off more gum.

“I need to go to my dad’s classroom,” he said, watching Naruto take the afternoon textbooks out of his locker. “I guess you can come.”

“Are you sure?”

Sasuke shrugged. “It’s fine. I know you’re head might not hold off until the end of the school.”

Naruto slammed his locker. “Sorry that I was worried about you all of yesterday,” he said, stomping towards the science hallway.

“And just yesterday you were practically proposing.”

He almost crashed against Naruto, after he stopped too fast. “Honestly? I totally still want to marry you, if only because then I’d feel more entitled to yell at you,” he whispered, glaring at a passing freshman.

Sasuke had never seen Naruto glare at anyone like that, so he picked up the pace and dragged him inside Kakashi’s classroom, closing and locking the door. Kakashi was in the back of the room, probably setting up an experiment. 

“Where were you?”

Sasuke picked up the scalpel that was waiting so nicely for him on the last desk he cleaned in the morning. “I told you, the city,” he said, getting on his knees so he could get underneath it. 

Naruto followed, although he was clearly not helping. “Why? You couldn’t have called? Everyone was worried about you! Suigetsu and I spent the entire night looking for you and so did my parents and your dad and--” 

“I know,” he said. “I got grounded, okay?” He huffed. “And I’m also being punished by picking off gum from desks--” 

“Good!” Naruto crossed his arms. “You should be cleaning a hundred thousand desks. You didn’t even text me last night. I had to hear from dad that you were back home. I can’t believe that...what were you doing in the city?”

“Just got a tattoo--” 

“A what?”

Everyone was having the same reaction. “A tattoo--” 

“You’re a minor. You can’t get a tattoo, not even with parental permission, which your dad wouldn’t have given anyway. Who--” 

“Just someone--” 

“Who?” Naruto asked again. 

Sasuke couldn’t exactly read his thoughts, but he knew that Naruto was thinking about telling Mr. Uzumaki so that Mr. Uzumaki could arrest the man. “Just someone I found.”

“Where?”

He turned to stare at the gross gum that looked fresh. It looked pink and it still smelled fruity and he was going to puke. But Kakashi would probably make him clean that up, too. “Just...on the street I guess.”

Naruto grabbed his shoulder. “You met a stranger on the street and then decided it was a good idea to let him tattoo you?”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. “Yeah.” But he could just tell that Naruto was going to start screaming bloody murder. “And before you say anything else, I actually really do like it and I don’t regret it. So keep your comments to--” 

“Are you insane? I think tattoos are great, but not given by someone you found in the street when you’re not old enough to enter into a binding contract, and especially not when--” 

“It’s fine, calm down. It’s not that big of a--” 

“Did you at least  _ try _ to make sure it was clean--” 

“If you’re worried about getting infected, we can actually stop touching--” 

“Don’t be an idiot! I’m worried about  _ you _ getting infected.” He rubbed his forehead, “why are you such an idiot?”

“Sorry to disappoint, my brother took all the genius genes.”

Naruto kept quiet then, although he looked like he was desperately holding his tongue. Normally, Sasuke would think such expression adorably stupid, but today, he was mostly annoyed. It was his body, honestly, and who even gave a fuck that he got a tattoo? He dug the scalpel deeper into the pile of gum. He could have branded himself with a piece of metal or cut himself and it still was his fucking body, thank you very--

“Where did you put it?”

Sasuke turned, his hand halting. “Back,” he settled on, after deciding that Naruto looked somewhat calmer.

Perhaps expectantly, he felt the cool air rushing across his bare skin a second later. It was so remiscient of their first interactions that something twisted in his stomach. That was really the problem, wasn’t it? Their entire relationship was built on worry and panic attacks. It couldn’t possibly be healthy. 

And yet.

Sasuke would swallow his own tongue before actually admitting it, but it still felt nice to know that Naruto cared. Even if it was a complete invasion of privacy. It didn’t matter. Sasuke usually showed up in his balcony at odd hours to crash in Naruto’s bedroom. It was only fair that Naruto got to remove clothes whenever he wished.

“It...is actually awesome,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke could feel a finger hovering over it. “Don’t touch it.”

“I’m not--” 

“You’re about to!”

“I’m really not.” But Naruto poked his left shoulder. The empty shoulder. “It’s fitting. It looks awesome. I want one now--” 

“You just said it was illegal--” 

“I mean, it is! But I could have a frog!”

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek. “Have you considered that frogs are kind of weird?”

“No, they’re not! They’re awesome. They’re tiny and jump so far--” 

“I know,” Sasuke said. He, in fact, did know all about how awesome frogs were because Naruto, as a general rule, wouldn’t shut up about them. Something about them being tiny, but still able to leap yards and yards--which Sasuke was almost sure was an utter exaggeration. “I know. But before you torture me with your sermons, can you let go of my shirt? It’s cold.”

Naruto did. “You know, frogs are really--” 

“Cool. Yes.”

“They have poison on their skin! Can you imagine how cool that would be?”

Sasuke would love to have poison under his skin. It would have saved him a lot of trouble, and a lot of...everything else. “You know, dad’s already punishing me, you really don’t have to join the party to do so too, I think I can recite your worship--” 

“Stop.” Naruto, the animal, laid down on the dirty ground. “Listening to how awesome frogs are is not a punishment. Scrapping gum is hardly punishment.”

Sasuke huffed. It could have been a weak chuckle. “Says the kid who’s never gotten in trouble.”

“Well, it was stupid. It was mostly dangerous. You don’t have a license and I do get grounded.” 

He tossed the gum into the trashcan, moving to another desk. Naruto followed along. “It was fine--” 

“You could have died.”

“If only.”

Naruto nudged him. It was more than nudging, more direct. The prodding only stopped when Sasuke was looking at him. “Are you serious?” He whispered.

“It’s a joke,” he said. 

Because it was. He loved being alive. There was just something utterly thrilling about having days passed by, always waiting for something else to happen to him, always looking over his shoulder and spending all of his energy convincing himself that he would, in fact, cared if someone murdered him. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking like that, Dr. Uzuki said that it was important to focus on the now. Of course, when he focused on the now, like getting a tattoo, people were pissed off, too. Sasuke was sure that it was a balancing act, but he simply had not managed to figure out the fine line yet, and.

He didn’t mean to whine, but could someone really blame him? He’d been alive less than two decades, and it really felt that he hadn’t gotten a break, ever. Ever. When he was a kid, he was always pitted against his brother, who objectively and subjectively was better, and then. Well, he was adopted, and ruined his dad’s life, and then he moved across the country, and then. Well. Then, stuff happened. He got dirty and he hurt people, and he’d reached new levels of idiocracy, and then, when finally, he thought it would be over because he wasn’t allowed to make choices anymore, then, his brother decided he didn’t want him after all anymore, and tossed him back to Kakashi. Who said that he did want him, but that was only Kakashi’s own Stockholm Syndrome talking. 

“Are...you sure? That it was a joke?”

Sasuke forced a smile on his face. “Yeah, really. I’ll stop making morbid jokes, my bad.”

But judging by the way that Naruto kept staring at him, he didn’t believe him. It didn’t stop in English, or in Chemistry. Sasuke could feel the worry stare on him the entire two hours and it was...not a good feeling. Making Naruto feel that way--whatever way it was that made him have the need to stare at him like Sasuke was about to jump off a roof. Which. Tempting, honestly, but. But he was supposed to be better than that. 

Though, if he really thought about it. There was nothing...it’s not like staying alive earned anyone brownie points. 

The bell rang. 

And people who couldn’t do anymore, they weren’t...they must have suffered more than he wa--did. Than he did, before. Now. Before. 

He followed Kakashi to the car, climbing in, and hearing the faint  _ click _ of his seatbelt. As if it really ma--it mattered, because Kakashi was driving, and if Sasuke died right there, Kakashi would never forgive himself. 

That probably meant that he only had to wait for Kakashi to die, so that he could die. It was awful to wait for Kakashi’s death, though. It’s not like Sasuke  _ wanted  _ him to die, it was just that--

After finishing his homework in the living room, Kakashi moved him to the piano. Sasuke hadn’t touched it since. Forever. Maybe since the day that he found out that Mr. Uzumaki was actually Mr. Namikaze. That was a long time ago. And yet, he played. It wasn’t terrible. He could have done better, if he had just continued to practice, hadn’t stopped for months. 

It wasn’t right for Sasuke to just keep thinking about Kakashi dying, it was just that he couldn’t think of another way to just. And it’s not. The tattoo hadn’t been--well, it had been. Maybe if he hadn’t stepped foot in that house, he wouldn’t have stolen a car and gotten a tattoo. Itachi still hadn’t screamed at him about the two grand that he stole--not that Itachi would scream. His brother’s anger was usually more understated than screams. 

Was it normal for older siblings to slap the younger ones? 

It probably was. So many older siblings got stuck raising their younger brothers and sisters, and if it was okay for parents to hit their kids, it was only fair that older siblings could, too. It made sense. 

Kakashi set the violin case next to him on the bench. Sasuke hadn’t touched that either, in months, not for a long time. He hated it even more than before, even if he never thought that possible. He could feel Kakashi’s eyes on him as he opened the case, and stared down at it. He would pick it up, but he hated it so much. 

If he just broke it, then it would go away. “How long am I grounded for?”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow; it looked like he wasn’t going to answer that, was still too pissed to even consider lifting the grounding sentence. “Well, you were gone about nine hours, so nine days.”

It sounded perfectly reasonable. But something tightened in the pit of his stomach. “Why?”

“I just answered you.”

“Nine  _ hours _ is hardly the same as nine  _ days _ \--” 

“Keep arguing and I’ll make it nine weeks.”

Sasuke clenched his jaw. “You can’t--” 

“Try me.”

He turned to glare at the couch. “It’s not--” 

“Nine weeks, it is, then--” 

“Stop.”

“Don’t make it months, Sasuke.”

Sasuke was almost sure that by the time nine months were up, he would be eighteen, unless...unless, he actually was turning seventeen in July, instead of eighteen. Had he--was he actually younger than he’d always pretended to be? 

_ Why didn’t he even know how old he was _ ?

That was ridiculous. It was stupid. It wasn’t right. 

He turned back to Kakashi, something hot crumbling his throat. “Well--” 

“Sasuke--” 

“I’m sorry that I decided to get a tattoo. Honestly? After everything that everyone has done to my body, I’m sorry I thought that I got to pick what to do with it. My bad. I promise I won’t ever think like that again, I can’t believe you’re grounding me for self-autonomy!”

“I’m grounding you because you stole a car, decided to go missing for hours, and walked into a stranger’s place to let him tattoo you.” Kakashi took him by the wrist and dragged him to the couch, forcing him down. He crouched down before him. “Sasuke, so many other worse things could have--” 

“So what? So many worse things  _ have _ happened.” He tried to stand up, but Kakashi’s grip on his wrists was unrelenting. “If everyone else is going to hurt me, then why can’t I do it? It’s not fair.” 

It wasn’t fair. If he was destined to get fucked over, the least anyone could do was let him pick the ways that he would be fucked over. He knew that. That technically his father had given him a choice one time, and he’d picked Kakashi, which--which had been the correct choice because eventually, he hadn’t gotten a choice and he’d found out. They had. 

Of course, it wasn’t as bad as. The white ceiling. Or the woods. Those couches. But laying on that chair yesterday, feeling his back on fire, it had. What his father or--or Orochimaru had done to him, had been terrible too. 

It started then.

Maybe everything was karma, for not being there for Kimmimaro. 

“Sasuke--” 

“No!” He pulled his hands away, largely suspecting that Kakashi had simply let him go. “I’m so sick of people messing with me! It’s my turn--” 

“Sasuke, it’s not--” 

He stood up. Kakashi looked like he was about to start crying, which. Which Sasuke needed to get away, quickly. He couldn’t believe himself. Maybe it was Kakashi’s allergies, maybe that’s what it was. He stomped upstairs, slamming the door after deciding that Urushi could lay on his bed. 

Fine. Whatever. Nine weeks was nothing. Although. He’d never really been grounded that long. The longest he’d gone was three weeks, and. Well, technically living with Itachi probably counted, but. 

It was fine. He pulled the covers over himself and Urushi. At least he could still hang out with his dog.

But nine weeks was a lot. It was only the sixth day, and Sasuke could feel the insanity settling down in the back of his head, creeping into his nightmares. There was. 

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. They were dry, but his chest felt like he’d just been screaming or crying. Which he wouldn’t discard, mostly because he’d been waking up with tears dry on his cheeks more often than not over the past days, but. 

He shook his head. He just needed to get out of the room. It was stuffy and it was driving him insane. That had to be it. There was no other explanation as to why he couldn’t just sleep. He tiptoed to the balcony, his hand hovering over the door when he heard shuffling. But it was just Suigetsu. Asleep, still. 

He opened the door and climbed down. Or rather jumped off. And rolled. Because broken ankles were not the kind of hurt he was looking for. It wasn’t even that late, it was barely midnight. He kept his eyes down as he made his way to Naruto’s balcony, climbing the tree, and knocking on the door.

The curtain opened, Naruto was with his froggy hat, the light of the laptop framing the bed. Naruto stepped aside, closing the door, but hovering.

“You’re grounded,” he said, as if Sasuke didn’t know that already. 

“I’m going to be grounded for another two months--” 

“Well, you were--” 

“ _ Don’t _ .” He shook his head. Why had he shown up? For the past week, Naruto wasn’t exactly mean or angry, but he clearly had something weighing on his mind. And Sasuke just. He got it, but he’d been hoping not to do that tonight. He just wanted to sleep. He’ll apologize to Kakashi tomorrow and keep his mouth shut when he added another seven weeks to the sentence. Really. He just wanted to sleep. “I--” 

“Does your dad know you’re here?”

Sasuke huffed. “Of course not.”

“He’ll get worried if he wakes up and he can’t find you--” 

“Fine. I’ll get out of your bedroom, sorry to wake you up.”

Naruto shoved him towards the bed. “You know it’s not that, right? It’s just that...well, you did disappear before. And you came back with a tat--” 

“You said you liked it.” 

Naruto sat down next to him. It was nothing, but Sasuke kind of appreciated the way that their shoulders brushed. He was so pathetic. 

“I do. I really do like it,” Naruto said. “But it was stupid and dangerous, and...you can’t really blame your dad for grounding you. If I were in his shoes, I would ground you, too. So, you need to go home.”

Sasuke stared at him, trying to spot a sign, any, that told him that Naruto was  _ joking _ . But he couldn’t find anything. “Are you serious?”

After a moment, Naruto nodded. “I am. Come on. I’ll get my dad to walk you--” 

“I can walk myself,” he hissed. 

“I’m sure you can, but...I don’t mean it to sound like this,” he sighed. “But you don’t have a good track record when you’re left on your own. Last time I left you alone, I was making chicken soup and you left and outed yourself. I learned.”

“You really don’t have to wake your dad up,” Sasuke said, because he had nothing else to tell him. Good to know that his boyfriend wanted to keep him in line more than he wanted to let him sleep.

“It’s okay. He and mom were just watching a movie. I doubt that they’re asleep yet,” he said. 

That wasn’t the  _ point _ , but any objections got caught somewhere in between his stomach and throat. Somehow, Sasuke didn’t jerk his hand away as Naruto took him out of the bedroom. Didn’t move when he knocked on his parents’ door, turning the knob and slowly, pushing it after a soft  _ come in _ . Sasuke kept his eyes down, listening to Naruto ask his dad if he could walk Sasuke back to his house, like he was a seven-year old. But maybe he was. 

One of these days, when he had access to his phone and computer, he would check when he was born. 

He followed Mr. Uzumaki down the stairs, and out their house. Humiliating. He was never setting foot in there ever again. 

“We’re just worried about you, Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki said, softly and kindly. But he still rang the doorbell. 

There was something in his throat. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry for disturbing your night.”

“It’s quite alright. The movie was done.” He rang the doorbell again. “Naruto said you were grounded for nine wee--” 

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to try and talk to your--” 

He shook his head. “No, thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. It’s quite alright. I get it, I should be grounded forever. It was stupid.” 

Anyone could do whatever they wanted to him, except himself. He got it. 

“Are--” 

The door opened. Kakashi stepped to the side and dragged him inside before Sasuke could say anything. “Thank you for bringing him home.”

Mr. Uzumaki’s eyes were a wider than normal. “Of course. I--” 

“Goodnight,” Kakashi said, not exactly slamming the door, but not exactly letting further exchange of pleasantries. The death grip on his wrist got released. “What do I have to do to keep you from doing stupid stuff?”

Sasuke stared at the kitchen. It was clean. He had cleaned it last night, for what felt like hours, but it’s not like he had anything else to do. 

“Sasuke, look at me.”

That was his teacher’s voice. Sasuke huffed, rolling his eyes to stare at him with the confidence that he couldn’t muster. “What?”

“What do I have to do to keep you from doing stupid stuff?”

“I think that train left that station a long--” 

“Then reel it back in,” Kakashi said, dragging him to the living room. “Sit.”

“What? Are you tired of pushing me down or--” 

“Sit down.”

Sasuke did because he actually. Actually  _ would _ prefer to leave this unharmed. “What?”

“What happened?”

What  _ didn’t _ happen? Sasuke shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Sasuke,” he sighed, taking a seat next to him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I know that it wasn’t Rin visiting. So, what happened? I really want to help you. I don’t know if you believe that or not, like I said you can believe anything you want, but I do want to help. I’m not sure how, and I know that you think grounding you is not helping you, but--”

“Nothing happened.” Sasuke pulled his knees up to his chest, because it was more comfortable that way, obviously. “It’s fine. If you want to ground me more for--” 

“I don’t. I just want to talk.”

“Then talk.”

“Sasuke. Give me something, you have to meet me somewhere, or else I can’t...help.”

“I like the tattoo.” That’s obviously not what Kakashi wanted to hear, but Sasuke would rather not. It was just that he couldn’t explain that he’d gone inside that house and that...he couldn’t remember much about it, couldn’t really remember anything other than the couches. There was an insidious feeling in the back of his head since he’d stepped inside there that...well, who was to say that nothing happened? Or what had happened in there? He couldn’t remember and the other two people...were dead.

“Me too.”

Sasuke turned, raising an eyebrow. “You do?”

“Yeah.” It didn’t sound like a lie. “I would have prefer it if you went about it a different way, but objectively...it’s great.”

Sasuke couldn’t take credit for it because he’d basically told the artist to have fun on his back. “Thanks.”

Kakashi patted his shoulder and made to move away, which was. It was not okay because hadn’t Kakashi just said that he wanted to help? How could he help if he was walking away? There was--

Then again, Naruto also always said he wanted to help, but when Sasuke showed up just now, he kicked him out, and--

And there was something important about letting people walk away. It should be better because Sasuke was tired of hurting everyone and they should stop bothering themselves with him, should stop caring. And he was also a little tired of getting hurt by other people. 

“Am I grounded for longer?”

Kakashi shook his head. “Just get to bed. But I do want you to think about ways that we can work together to help you.”

He couldn’t believe he’d reduced Kakashi to giving him the teacher-student talk that Sasuke had helped him practice in middle school, when Kakashi was dealing with a particularly nasty student who refused to do anything and threw pencils across the room.

“Right.” He stood up. “Goodnight.”


	42. Chapter 42

“I can’t believe I’m the good influence now.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Get off of it. You’ve bought alcohol before.”

“I know,” Suigetsu parked, taking the keys out of the ignition and setting them on the dashboard with a soft  _ clink _ . “It’s just that...you’re still grounded and--” 

“I’m going to be grounded for the rest of my life. What does it matter?” It didn’t matter. He wasn’t even talking to Kakashi anymore. He was barely talking to Naruto. Fuck them. 

“Well...we are underage,” Suigetsu said. “And--” 

“Will you just go? Dad won’t be back until later tonight. I would do it, but I don’t have an ID saying that I’m over twenty-one, and even if I did, no one would believe it.” Mostly because people still knew him. Would continue to know him until he had plastic surgery or until he was six feet underground. Whichever one came first, he didn’t have a particular preference. 

“I don’t know, Sauce, it--” 

“Are you kidding?” He bit back a groan. “This is possibly the worst time for you to find a moral compass.”

“Well, you’re kind of freaking me out. Have you ever even drank before? I mean--” 

“Yeah.” He huffed. “Yeah, I have.” The look of utter of disbelief Suigetsu send him was kind of offending, so Sasuke continued. “It was a Halloween party. You remember Karin?” Suigetsu nodded. “Her girlfriend threw a party. I got super drunk. It was great. Will you just go?”

What happened afterwards was complete shit, but he vaguely did remember that the act of being drunk had been great. Relaxing. And he desperately needed to relax. He was two weeks into the nine weeks, and he had already lost his mind, so. So Kakashi could deal with that. Or not. It didn’t matter. He just wanted to relax. If he was lucky, maybe he could sleep too--it’s not like that was bad. Kakashi had given him sleeping pills, and if he had to be drugged in order to sleep, then he might as well be drunk to pass out and sleep. Without nightmares. 

“I--” 

“You started drinking when you were like eleven, okay? We’re practically adults and--” 

“You’re years away from twenty-one!”

“I’m closer than you were when you were eleven!”

“You’re going to make Kakashi sad--” 

“So, what? He makes me sad all the time.” Sasuke picked up the keys and dump them on Suigetsu’s open palm. “I’ll stay here. Promise, just go.”

Suigetsu looked like he was asked to go exterminate all the sharks in the world, but to his credit, he got out of the car a second later. With the keys, obviously. Sasuke didn’t need them, he hadn’t planned to leave. He really did just want him to get him something to drink. Something strong, preferably. 

Sasuke actually hated Suigetsu’s brother, just generally speaking, but he wouldn’t exactly mind that level of moral debauchery right about now. Drinking wasn’t even bad. Adults did it all the time. If alcohol was bad, then why would they do it? And then have the audacity to tell teenagers not to do it? It was complete bullshit. 

They just said that because adults thought only they had stressful lives. Sasuke was pretty sure that his own life was more stressful than at least fifty percent of the adult population that drank alcohol once a week under the guise of it having being a very long week. 

Suigetsu came back about fifteen minutes later, opening the trunk and hopefully filling it up with hard liquor. Like vodka. Obviously, Sasuke didn’t have high tolerance. Yet. So, he didn’t necessarily need anything hard, but why not cut to the chase, anyway.

“I think Karin was there with her mom. Or someone that looked a lot like her and like Naruto’s mom.”

Sasuke chuckled. “What?”

“I think she saw me when I was paying.” He started the car, pulling out of the parking lot slower than a grandma. “All I’m saying is that we can throw it away and--” 

“You don’t have to drink it--” 

“You know the only people who drink alone are alcoholics, right? That means that if you drink alone, you’re an alcoholic, and I’m not sure that you--” 

“I can’t be an alcoholic if I’ve only drank once before and--” 

“I’m pretty sure you can, if you’re drinking for the reasons that you are.”

“I’m not drinking for any reasons. I just want to drink. With my best friend. Is that so difficult to believe?”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Suigetsu said. 

That was the last sound in the car, until they arrived back home. Mrs. Uzumaki was sitting on the doorstep, braiding her hair. Sasuke felt something on his stomach, but. It didn’t matter. He just wanted to drink a little. Honestly, everyone always butted into his business. He hadn’t set foot in their house since that night, and he’d been grounded, so much of the interaction that he had with Naruto was in school, and he hadn’t really seen Mr. and Mrs. Uzumaki since that night, last week, and even if he had, it was really none of their business what the kid one house down did with his life. 

“I guess she saw you,” Sasuke said. Which was a shame because he actually liked Karin. Oh, well. It had been nice while it lasted. He grabbed the car keys, getting out of the car. From the corner of his eye, he saw Mrs. Uzumaki standing up, but he was already taking the bags from the trunk. All of it looked like cheap beer, but it would do. Sasuke couldn’t be picky, especially because Suigetsu had paid for them. 

He closed the trunk and walk up the driveway, smiling at Mrs. Uzumaki with what he hoped was still a polite smile as he opened the door. “Good morning, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“Sasuke--”

He closed the door, locking it. Suigetsu could probably...find another way in. Through the balcony. He could probably attach himself to the wall and climb up. There was a knoock. And then another one. And then the doorbell. Urushi ran up to the door, barking. And the doorbell went off. Stressful. Just another reason to relax. He went to the living room, checking the backdoor, making sure it was locked, and then falling on the couch. 

He loved when Kakashi had to deal with Saturday detention.

He turned on the television, settling on a movie that seemed to involve the dark web and a kidnapping of a girl, and maybe he shouldn’t watch that. He snapped the cap off a bottle. Or maybe he could watch and get angry about the inaccuracies of it all. That could work, too. He took a sip from the beer, almost gagging. It tasted disgusting. But he supposed after a couple of them, it wouldn’t really matter. There was a knock on the backdoor. Ah, Getsu had problem solved. 

He walked to it, opening it, but blocking the entrance. “You’re not opening the front door for her, are you?”

“Of course not.”

Sasuke stepped aside, closing the door after Getsu was inside. He followed him to the couch, offering him the open can. He watched him swallow a large gulp before turning back to the movie. He opened another can, the taste suddenly much more palpable. Maybe it was from another brand. 

The girl was in a car’s trunk. Must suck. Sasuke had never had the pleasure of being in the trunk, but maybe it would have been better that way. You kick out the tail light, and wave your hand out, and maybe look out. And hope that the people driving behind would do something. Unless you were drugged before. Ha. Oh. Now that he thought about it, there was something to be said about chloroform’s ability to knock people out. He sure as fuck didn’t remember anything about the trip between the Uzumaki’s and that white ceiling. 

And Kakashi could probably get chloroform. Sasuke could take it from him. Was chloroform easily accessible? It should probably not be. Though there was a headache. Of course, he always had a headache now. Sometimes, he suspected that his brain was just inflated or something, but maybe not. 

The girl was crying and begging, and it shouldn’t be hilarious, but he heard himself chuckle. “You think they’ll kill her?”

From what he could tell, it was an online predator. Sold people online, or something. That always seemed weird. Surely, if people could sell people online, then police could figure it out. Then, again, maybe not. 

“Isn’t she the main character?”

Sasuke glanced at him, before bringing the can up to his lips. She should die. Objectively. Or get sold. But it was a movie and it would probably have a happy ending. Someone should tell them that there was no happy ending. Could he do that? He could probably make another video and post it online, just telling kidnapees that it didn’t get better. It just got worse. If some of them killed themselves, could he be charged? Did it matter? Maybe they would electrocute him. Was the chair still used in California’s prisons? Or maybe it was just an injection. It was nice of them. 

“Yeah. So?”

“So main characters don’t die,” Getsu said.

That was true. But they should. Everyone died eventually, and who was the idiot who decided that everyone should have a happy ending in movies when in real life none of that ever happened? He doubted the movie would show the aftermath of all that shit, because if it did, it would be depressing, and not the uplifting sellout story of a teen girl outwitting her kidnappers. As if. 

“They should. It’ll be interesting.”

“Depressing, though.”

“Yeah...” he chuckled, dawning the last sip from the can. “How do you think people do that?”

“What?”

He nodded at the television, while his hand hunted for another can. 

“What?” Suigetsu asked again.

“You know. Buying people. Like that.”

“I think so,” he said. “It’s a problem in Eastern Europe, isn’t it?”

He chuckled. “People are assholes.”

Sasuke didn’t think that he was particularly pretty for buying like that, but he supposed that he would go for a lot of money. It would have to be someone rich, to pay so much. He was probably drunk. He giggled. When they sold him, he would refuse to go for anything short of three million. He deserved to be sold for three millions, he was actually rather pretty, and his features were softer, in case someone was into that. He wouldn’t mind. Well, maybe he would. But it would be a bad idea to object, wouldn’t it?

It probably would.

Plus, he was a virgin. He never particularly understood what the big deal was and he knew that it was more geared towards girls, because apparently there was something precious about being a girl’s first. Someone--it was probably Getsu’s brother, actually--told him once that it was because girl’s were tighter as virgins. And it felt better. But that was not a problem with assholes. Plus, he doubted that he’d be doing much more than laying down and taking it. Unless it was an older person who bought him, then they might make him do all the work. Or a woman. Which. 

There was probably false advertising, going on, though. How would they even prove that someone was a virgin? 

“Have you had sex?”

“Yeah.”

“Girls?”

Suigetsu chuckled. “What do you think, asshole?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking. Both,” he settled on, after a moment of staring at him.

“Both...” he mumbled. Before dipping his head back, along with the beer. “Have you and Naruto--” 

“Of course not,” he said. He chuckled. Not that he was aware of, at least. “I--” 

“Has he?”

“I doubt it.”

“That’s good,” he said. “It’s always better if it’s the first time for both.”

“Is that your way to tell me that we can’t sleep together?”

“You have a boyfriend.”

Sasuke turned back to the movie. They had her shackled to a bed frame. Sucked for her. Oh, well. He couldn’t wait for the absolutely ridiculous, unfounded ending where she definitely had not been raped and when she definitely did not have any nightmares about any of that. Hollywood magic was really something else. It was great. He’d loved to have some of that in his life.

“You know, I would go fast since I’m a virgin.”

“What?”

“Yeah. On the black market. Or human market. Or wherever we’re sold. They always like virgins more. I’ll go faster and for more.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t assume that--” 

He chuckled. “Look. For some reason he’s not taking his pants off.” He was talking. Maybe it was not that unfounded, then. Orochimaru had spent a while talking, too. Sasuke didn’t know why. He could have done more. In a way, he supposed, it had been nice of him, to take his time. He’d actually been very patient and polite, now that he thought about it. “And for a wilder reason, he didn’t think to shackle her wrists, too.”

“Maybe we should change the channel.”

“For what.” It should have been a question, but Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to raise his voice in the appropriate intonation. It sounded more slurred than anything else. “It’s getting to the climax. Anytime, the police will show up.” Just like with him. 

That had been nice. Or terrible. It was hard to decide, now. It didn’t matter, of course. It’s what it was. “I’m pretty sure you think I’m hot.”

“I...do. But you still have a boyfriend and you’re drunk.”

“So are you. And I can totally break up with Naruto. I would. I don’t have my phone, and I promised I wouldn’t go to his house anymore. So, it has to wait. At least until it’s Monday. It’s Saturday, so it can wait two days. A day and a half, really.”

“Maybe...when we’re not drunk.”

“You have awful timing for a moral compass. I kind of hate it,” he said, reaching for another beer. But there was nothing else. Hadn’t Suigetsu bought like two boxes? He couldn’t have taken more than two. Maybe. Four. Five? No, four. He was pretty sure. Three, maybe. Regardless, definitely less than however many had come in the boxes. “And you don’t need it.”

“I kinda do. Especially now, with you. And my brother. I don’t want to go to jail.”

“You can’t go to jail for fucking your best friend, Getsu.”

“What makes you think I’d be doing the fucking?”

Sasuke giggled. Chuckled. Giggled? It didn’t matter. It was just a funny image, that was all. “You’re less drunk. Take one for the team. It’s good teamwork.”

“Already did. Your dad is going to kick me out once he finds us.”

“He won’t.” The girl was crying in her mom’s arms. Sasuke muted the television. Or changed the channel. Mutted it. There was a knock. Had there been knocking so long? Oops. “He’ll just scream a little. He won’t kick you out. He has something about taking in kids. Foster youth, I guess.”

“Not when said kid got alcohol for his kid, probably.”

“Mm. We could fuck and marry and then he won’t kick you out. I’m pretty sure husbands have to live together.”

Suigetsu chuckled, slapping his shoulder. “You’re so fucking drunk. Can you even stand up?”

Sasuke tried. He kinda managed, until he decided that he was tired and he’d much prefer falling back on the couch. “Won’t you please kiss me?”

“Stop.”

“We’ve kissed before. I helped you practice when you wanted to ask that girl out, didn’t I? You could help me practice for Naruto. Repay the favor.”

“I don’t...think so,” he said, although he looked like he wanted to say  _ yes _ . 

He probably did. He definitely did. Sasuke totally knew that Suigetsu definitely liked him. He always had. And Sasuke would really, really love to have sex. That would be awesome. Especially right now. It would be even better. “You know you want to.”

“Sure.” He cleared his throat. “But I know you don’t really wanna. You’ll feel bad tomorrow. Both of us.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Yeah, you will. You’ll think about Naruto and--” 

“I won’t. He kicked me out.” Not that he was going to sleep with him that night, but he still kicked him out, and Sasuke still liked him, but he didn’t want to sleep with him, especially not right now. He didn’t want to. He just wanted to sleep with someone. Just a little bit, just once. It would be better that way, he was pretty sure. There was something to be said about choosing to do so, wasn’t there? It was better than not and still doing it. “You know, it’s a favor. For when they sell me, I won’t be a virgin anymore.”

“No one is going to sell you.”

Sasuke chuckled. Funny. He was pretty sure that someone would. Maybe himself, even. Could he do that? He probably could. Why not? He could donate the money to the animal shelter and it would be okay. Why hadn’t he thought about that before? It was an excellent plan, at least it would finally just let him go numb forever and he could rest, and it would be nice. Inside. Not outside, objectively it would be horrifying, of course, obviously, but inside. He’ll. Could he? He couldn’t. His drunk best friend who’d always had a crush on him wouldn’t even do it. Why would a stranger? It was just too pathetic.

They probably knew what happened.

That’s why they wouldn’t. 

It was stupid.

It hadn’t been his fault. And yet.

The doorbell rang. He would get up to get it, but he couldn’t stand up. It was difficult. He could probably crawl there, but he didn’t want to do that. Kakashi had a key, didn’t he?

“I would. But, only if you weren’t drunk and didn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sasuke unmuted the television. It was another one of those movies. This one, apparently, involved the mother trying to find her daughter, which sounded like a terrible idea because they could also just kidnap the mom, too? But no one had told her that, apparently. “You don’t even like Naruto.”

“No.” He said. “I think he’s stupid. But I think everyone is. You’re kind of stupid. I’m a walking idiot. It happens. It’s not the end of the world. But it could be, and you’ve been acting like it’s the end of your world.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re not like yourself now.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. It was a mistake because it seemed to spring forth a headache. Oh, well. “I sure fucking hope not.”

“You’re hurting yourself.”

He huffed. “I’m not. I’m just hanging out.”

“I’m just trying to tell you that I’m worried about you, and I’m here for you, even if you’re acting like an idiot.”

“Didn’t peg you as a mushy drunk.”

Then again, he hadn’t pegged himself as a slutty one. It was fine. Now, he knew that if he really wanted to, he could just get drunk and sleep with strangers. That would go well, wouldn’t it? It absolutely would. There was nothing to suggest that someone wouldn’t want to sleep with Sasuke Uchiha. Those people wouldn’t be able to know that he was actually disgusting and even if they could, they might prefer that. Where did people find hook ups? Without a phone? Seemed harder than it should be. 

Especially for someone like him. He supposed that he  _ could _ try with Naruto. Not in his house, though. Maybe in a motel. It was probably more trouble than it was worth. Getsu should have really taken one for the team, that would have been nice. What an ass. He heard Urushi rush down the stairs, and vaguely heard footsteps that couldn’t really be Urushi. Their dog had four legs, and it really sounded like only two. Or one and a half. Maybe it was a pirate.

Hey. Maybe there was something to be said about Getsu’s idea of being a fisherman. If Sasuke was one, too, knowing his luck, he would definitely end up on a pirate ship, and he could live his life in relative peace. He would totally do that. Who the fuck cared. Not him. 

“We should find pirates.”

“Are they real?”

“Yeah, pretty sure. They have three legs.”

“One and a half.”

Right. 

But it wasn’t a pirate. It was Kakashi. Sasuke stared, but Kakashi didn’t do anything, except pick up the cans, clutching them to his chest, and disappearing into the kitchen. Suigetsu looked worried, which made sense, because Sasuke was vaguely under the impression that his parents didn’t like underage drinking, either. Kakashi wasn’t going to hit him, though. He was pretty sure. Or kick him out, he was pretty sure. Kakashi was too smart for that, he obviously knew that it was Sasuke’s idea and Suigetsu had just been roped into it. 

The girl in the movie was pretending to pee in the bathroom. That also seemed exceedingly nice because the captors could have just forced her to pee in her pants, they didn’t need to let her use the bathroom. They obviously shouldn’t have because now the girl had left a necklace, presumably for the mom to find. She must have a lot of faith in her mom. That was nice. Good for her.

“Did you guys take drugs, too?”

“So what if we did?” Sasuke asked, just as Getsu, the goody two shoes was shaking his head. Traitor. “You have a problem with that?”

Kakashi just. Just shook his head. Not like he was saying that he didn’t have a problem with that, just like he was showing his disappointment. Yeah, well. Someone should tell him that life was disappointing. “Do you want to call your parents, or should I?”

Sasuke wasn’t looking at Suigetsu, but could hear his heartbeat just a tad bit faster. Or maybe that was his own. Could it be? He wouldn’t know. It was probably Suigetsu’s, that made a lot more sense. 

“Neither?”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Pick.”

“I’ll call them,” Sasuke said, because he was the one with the idea, and Suigetsu had tried to talk him out of it, but had probably decided that it was the least of all the evils that Sasuke could come up with, which in his defense, it was. Sasuke had come up with a lot of worse evils, and he totally would, once he could have his phone back. There were apps for screwing around, after all. 

“No, it’s okay, I can.”

Sasuke just shook his head, and waited for Kakashi to hand his phone. Naruto told him that when he cried, there was a rash across his cheeks. Sasuke had never really noticed until he pointed it out, but he also never really noticed that Suigetsu knuckles were white when he was holding something back. He supposed he’d seen it before, a couple of times. When Getsu’s brother got kicked out, specifically. Or Christmas. 

He dialed Mr. Hozuki’s number, the dial tone more deafening than it really had a right to be. “Kakashi?” His voice was always the deepest Sasuke had ever heard. 

It did an excellent job at suddenly sobering him. “Sasuke, actually, Mr. Hozuki.” He couldn’t believe Kakashi was making them do this. Like Getsu’s parents didn’t have worries of their own. What would they even do, they were across the country. It’s not like they could really do anything. 

“Fuck, hi, kid. How are you?”

The way that Getsu was digging his nails into his legs, Sasuke wouldn’t be surprised if blood started to drip. “Fine, sir. Yourself?”

“Leaving work. What you want?”

He could just lie and say nothing happened, but then Kakashi would just call him and rat Getsu out, and Sasuke would prefer if he had a chance to try to lessen the blow. “Uh. I convinced Getsu to drink and...we got a little drunk. Just a little. It’s nothing, really. But dad thought you should know.”

“Did that fucker actually get you to drink? I’m going to...I can’t believe, the complete...you know--”

“No, sir.” Sasuke knew that Mr. Hozuki didn’t mean it like that. Occasionally, he would call Sasuke a fucker, too. But not in a mean way, just in the way that sometimes, it took less energy to cuss and swear, and Mr. Hozuki worked a lot. A lot, a lot, so it made sense that he would be tired and cuss. Sasuke was convinced that it was more of a pet name than anything else. And yet. “No, sir. It was my idea.”

“You? Is he telling you to lie? Because if he is, tell him I’m going to fly all the way over there and--” 

“No, sir.” Sasuke glared at Kakashi. He knew this would happen. This was stupid. What an ass move. “No. It was really my idea. I told him that I would...kill myself if he let me drink alone. Obviously--” 

“You are going to fucking kill yourself?”

“No, sir, it was--” 

“Are you fucking kidding me? How old are you?”

Not knowing his real age had never been so stressful. “Um--” 

“Too young to fucking die, that’s how old. You think it’s funny to worry people like that?”

“No, sir.” He hadn’t. He obviously hadn’t told Suigetsu that, but getting some of that deserved blame seemed like a good way to go, considering that he knew that Getsu’s parents would never really believe that it hadn’t been their son’s idea. “No--” 

“Or is he telling you to say this? Because if he is, then--” 

“No, sir. Really. I convinced a man to buy us a six pack. And then we drank it. Mostly me.”

“Fucking pass the phone to him.”

“Sir--” 

“Now.”

Sasuke handed the phone over to Suigetsu, with a slight wince. He wouldn’t have, but Mr. Hozuki had a voice that really, someone would be a complete idiot to try to argue with. Someone would have to be like Getsu’s brother, and Sasuke wasn’t that much of an idiot, yet. Before turning to glare at Kakashi, though half of his attention was focused on trying to hear anything. But he couldn’t. It was unsettling, considering that the Hozuki’s were never  _ quiet _ . Except for Getsu’s ocasional  _ yes sir _ s and  _ no sir _ s. It was probably only three minutes, tops, but it felt like forever, when Getsu handed the phone back to him. Sasuke tried not to show it, but he was a...scared to bring it up to his ear.

“You know what happened to that son of a bitch?”

That was Suigetsu’s brother. It had been since middle school. “Yes, sir.” 

“Do you want Getsu to end up like him?”

Sasuke couldn’t figure out if the whispering was on purpose, if Mr. Hozuki knew that it was more terrifying to whisper rather that to scream. “No, sir.”

“Then, do better. We know you can. He fucking can, too, but not when both of you are out there doing dumb as fuck shit. It starts with drinking and ends in drugs and jail. We clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. ‘Cause if I find out he’s doing shit, I’m flying over and beating his ass. Maybe yours too. And then I’d ask for reimbursement for wasting money on a fucking plane ticket. Understood?” 

Sasuke had no idea whether any of that was a joke, but he sure wasn’t going to ask for clarification. “Yes, sir.”

“I fucking hope next time we talk is for something other than this. Tell Getsu to take care.”

“Okay.”

“You take care, too, kid.”

“You too, sir. Say hi to Mrs. Hozuki. And I’m sorry.”

“I sure fucking hope you are. Bye.”

It kind of sounded like the  _ or else _ was implied, but thinking too much about that would make him nauseous and make him even more likely to puke his guts out. When the line went dead, Sasuke almost threw the phone at Kakashi. But somehow, resisted the urge. He set it down on the couch. “Happy?”

Kakashi stared, not saying a word for what felt like hours. “Tickled,” he said, dragging the word out. “So happy.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and stood up. And then fell back down. He vaguely caught Kakashi shaking his head. He could have dealt with it himself, but of course, he decided to drag Getsu’s parents into it, too. He probably had been the one to send Mrs. Uzumaki, too. Like Sasuke cared about that. He didn’t. No one was making him chose--although someone had made him chose, with a gun at his chest--but he much preferred Getsu over Naruto. 

Getsu would have never kicked him out. And Getsu’s parents might threaten him physically, but at least they didn’t just pretend that they cared about him. They did, even if they were a little scary. Or a lot scary. 

He blinked at the bottled water. Suigetsu was already drinking one, but then again, he’d always been funny about water. “I’m not thirsty.”

“You need to hydrate.”

“I’m not drinking it,” he said, leaning back on the couch. “But feel free to call my brother, too, so he can send Hidan. He’s good at forcing things down my throat.” Not that Sasuke ever wanted to feel someone’s nails digging into his cheeks to pry his mouth open, just to shove food down. But that was the only way that he was going to swallow anything that Kakashi handed him. 

“You’re going to wake up tomorrow and--” 

“Sounds like a problem for future me.” Only if he was unlucky. If he was lucky, he’d never wake up and someone would just find his body choked on vomit. He chuckled. “Dr. Uzuki says that I should focus on the now and right  _ now _ , I don’t feel like drinking water.” 

Kakashi looked like he was holding back a sigh. “Well,” he set it down on the floor, by Sasuke’s feet, “if you do get thirsty, there it is.”

Sasuke waited until Kakashi was down the hallway before he kicked it, watching it roll across the living room, stopping by the television. He looked up, finding Kakashi staring at it. When their eyes met, Sasuke made it a point to roll his eyes and then shifted to look at Suigetsu, who was finishing the water bottle, but still looking shaken up, probably from guilt and whatever his dad told him.

Sasuke could guess. And he knew how much Suigetsu didn’t want to end up like his brother. 

Kakashi was a fucking asshole. 


	43. Chapter 43

Sasuke kind of might or might not have borrowed Suigetsu’s phone. With or without permission. He was going to give it back. It was just that Kakashi of course had not given back his phone, even though he asked for it rather nicely, if he did say so himself. Whatever. He stepped out the bathroom, glancing from one side to the other before he walked down the hallway. 

“You should be in class.”

Sasuke turned around. It was his old coach. Sarutobi, or something. “Yeah, okay. I’m going that way.”

“The math hallway is in the opposite direction, Sasuke.”

“Oh, right, totally,” Sasuke said, doing his best to sound like he kind of cared. Except he didn’t really. What were they going to do? Give him detention? He’ll just not show up. “Yeah, I’ll be on my way. Thanks, Coach.”

“I’ll walk you there.”

What was it with everyone thinking that he had to be walked places? He chuckled. “Yeah, no, thanks.” He turned on his heel and kept walking. Until a hand was holding him back. “Don’t touch me.”

“You need to get to class, Sasuke.”

“You need to let me go. It’s sexual harassment.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“It’s not a joke,” Sasuke shrugged his shoulder off. And then ran down the hallway. He wasn’t exactly planning to show up to his date sweaty, but he needed to get out of the school. He’ll get a car later. Or just ask his date to pick him up. It was not really a date, but. He hurried over the fence. It could be a date. 

Sasuke always assumed that people should sleep with someone their own age, but Naruto and he were no longer on speaking terms because--well, mostly his fault because he was pretending Naruto wasn’t there, but apparently, slamming the door on his mom’s face wasn’t very nice, even though he hardly slammed the door, and Suigetsu wouldn’t fuck him. But it was the digital age and it was surprisingly--worryingly--easy to find someone who didn’t mind sleeping with a...well, he kind of pretended that he was eighteen. Just like it was easy to call, or rather order a ride to pick him up. It only took two minutes for a blue sedan to show up, a college-aged girl driving it.

He had send him an address and Sasuke mostly checked it out. Well, he didn’t have time to check it out specifically, but the guy said that it wasn’t far from downtown. Which made the ride there cheap.

Which Sasuke appreciated. He got out of the car, walking over to the building. An apartment complex. He was walking into a lot of them lately. But it was totally fine. There was a trashcan, a large green one that everyone in the complex must use. He walked to it, opening his backpack and taking out a blue shirt, exchanging it with his school shirt a second later. He tossed his backpack and shirt in the garbage. And with another breath, he walked to find apartment number 12. It was on the first floor, which was nice. He didn’t think he would need to run out, because he wasn’t a chicken and he was ready for this. He totally was. But it was still convinient that he didn’t need to climb stairs.

He was ready for this. There was nothing much to it, he was pretty sure.

How hard could it really be?

He knocked on the door, holding his breath. A man, probably in his early thirties, opened the door. He had light brown hair and green eyes, and he reeked of alcohol, which was perfectly perfect. So early in the morning. 

“Aren’t you--” 

Sasuke swallowed. “No. I get that a lot, though. Kind of terrible, sometimes I wish that kid could have just stayed fucking missing.”

“Funny. You look a lot like him. The pictures that pop on the news sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know. You should have seen how many people called me when it happened.” He shrugged. “Can I come in?”

“’Course you can.”

Sasuke did, noting the bottle of whiskey on the table, half-empty. It looked just like a single man’s apartment should look like, but it was apparently recent. He said that he’d recently broken off an engagement with his boyfriend of four years and that was totally sad and completely perfect. 

“You know, normally, I wouldn’t do this with someone so young.”

He chuckled. “Don’t worry. Normally, I wouldn’t do this with someone so old.”

“You’re sassy.” The man was behind him, pressing him against the table. “I like that.”

Sasuke smiled, even though he was facing away from the man and even though his heart was hammering against his chest. He could do this. He could. Sex was a natural response for most people and he was most people. He grabbed the bottle, taking a gulp from it, feeling the burn down his throat. 

It was a choice. There were sloppy kisses along his neck, the man’s stubble scraping against his skin. 

“You feel...awfully tense.”

Sasuke swung the bottle back again. “Nothing some alcohol can’t fix,” he said. Or hoped. Hoped, mostly. A cold hand slipped under his shirt, but it was nothing. Making choices was difficult sometimes. And it was totally fine. He took another gulp, only to realize that it was all gone. He let the man turn him around, lifting him up on the table. Right, this was supposed to be a two man effort. It was totally expected. 

There were knots on his stomach, but it was probably just nerves. Butterflies, even. He leaned forward, letting the man pull his shirt off. There was no much difference between the man’s lips and the bottle of whiskey, so it was totally fine. It was completely fine when a hand slipped lower and there was nothing else to do. It left the hand frozen, like he would never be able to feel anything ever again, which was. It was kind of the point.

The front door swung open and five bodies--men--police rushed in. Sasuke caught sight of blond hair, before the man was being pulled away, to the end of the living room. The last time Sasuke had seen Mr. Uzumaki dressed like that, with a bulletproof vest was when. When Mr. Uzumaki refused to let him die. 

“He didn’t know,” Sasuke said, because he knew the way it looked and he knew that they would blame the man, and it hadn’t been his fault. “He didn’t know I’m underage. And nothing happened. We were just fooling around.”

Without a word, Mr. Uzumaki handed him his shirt. Sasuke stole a glance in the man’s direction, shaking his head and mouthing a sorry, at the sudden look of realization in the man’s face. But Sasuke didn’t have time to decipher it, because Mr. Uzumaki was taking him out of the apartment. Sasuke barely pulled his shirt down by the time they were in front of a police cruiser, his backpack on top of it. 

Mr. Uzumaki halted and turned to look at him. He stared for ages, until he spoke, low and soft, and strained and tired. “Why?”

He shrugged, turning to look away. Towards the apartment. “Felt like it,” he mumbled, when he finally realized that Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t going to let him go until he said something.

“Sasuke--” 

“So, what? Why do you care?” He shrugged the hands away. “If you haven’t noticed, Naruto and I broke up and so you can drop the caring act.”

It wasn’t exactly like that. Sasuke had just stopped talking to Naruto, pretending that he didn’t exist, and so far, Naruto was too much of an idiot to take the hint, but eventually he would. Sasuke knew that he was livid that he’d done that to his mom, and deep down, he understood because there was something close to hatred brewing in the back of his head for doing that to Mrs. Uzumaki, too. 

But Naruto would get the hint, eventually. 

“It’s not an act.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he said. “Can I go?”

“I’m driving you.”

“I can--” 

“I’m driving you,” he said, opening the backdoor. “Get in.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll arrest you for underage drinking, Sasuke.”

He huffed. “Be my fucking guest.”

“Sasuke, you don’t have to--” 

“That sure doesn’t sound like the beginning of my Miranda’s rights. Did they get changed recently or are you improvising?”

“Sasuke--” 

“If you aren’t going to arrest me, then I’d really would like for you to get into your cute car and never talk to me again. Don’t even look at me.”

“You’re angry and hurt. I understand that--” 

“No.” He shoved him, hoping to get him to fall on his butt, but only managing to make him take a half step back. “No, you fucking don’t. Fuck off. I hate you. I hate all of you.”

“That’s okay. I’m still driving you home--” 

He rolled his eyes. “Thought you were arresting me.”

Mr. Uzumaki grabbed him by the shoulders, turning him around. His stomach brushed against the door. Mr. Uzumaki was saying something that sounded an awful lot like his Miranda rights. Which. Which didn’t go very nicely with the cold metal around his wrists. He hadn’t felt cold metal like that since. Since. A hand on his head prevented him from bumping it against the doorframe, as he was guided inside, and strapped in. 

If he thought the last time he’d been in the back of a cruiser was claustrophobic, it was nothing compared to now. He tried to shift about, but he was...securely strapped in. And his hands were squeezed in between his back and the seat. His heart was beating a little too hard, too fast. He bit down on his tongue. He would not. He would not. He refused. Fuck that. He wasn’t going to start crying like a stupid kid, regardless of how difficult it was to breathe. He was fine. 

Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t going to beat him up. He wasn’t allowed. 

Then again, no one had really been allowed to and yet.

“Mr. Uzu--” 

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can--” 

Sasuke looked down on his lap, doing his best to block out the rest of Mr. Uzumaki’s words. He was only partially successful, but he had to put his energy in continuing to breathe. Logically, he knew that there was plenty of air in the car, but it wasn’t--couldn’t--reach his lungs for some reason. The cold metal scrapped against his skin. He pulled with renowned interest, hissing at the pain that was too much of a memory to be real. It couldn’t be real. 

It couldn’t be happening again. 

He hadn’t been doing anything wrong.

Not really. He’d just. He had just wanted to lose his virginity. There was nothing wrong with that, plenty of people did that, plenty of teens did so, and it was fine, no one got arrested. It wasn’t fair. He just wanted to get fucked. 

It was fine.

People did that all the time.

He pulled harder, biting his lower lip as he rawed out his skin. It was fine. It was. It wouldn’t last long. And even if it did, it didn’t matter. He couldn’t get to the station. Or anywhere. He couldn’t. He knew what happened, he knew what would happen, he didn’t need to wait to find out. He couldn’t--he wouldn’t do it. He just. 

The car stopped in front of the station, but Sasuke couldn’t get out, until Mr. Uzumaki opened the door and unstrapped him, and guided him with a firm hand on his arm. Logically. Nothing. Nothing could happen because it was a police station and they might not like him in there, but even criminals had rights and they wouldn’t--they probably wouldn’t let Mr. Uzumaki do anything. He wouldn’t do anything, of course. Of course not. Except leave him in a cell until Kakashi or Itachi came to pick him up--or until no one picked him up, maybe, if they decided that Sasuke just wasn’t worth the trouble anymore and then, he would be send to jail and he’d probably end up as someone’s bitch in there, which. He took a step inside, keeping his eyes down, just staring at the floor.

He would look up once he was in a cell. Honest. But instead of heading down, where Sasuke knew there was a holding cell, or at least the interrogation room, Mr. Uzumaki guided him upstairs, to where some of the offices were--more specifically, his office was, and Sasuke just couldn’t go there because he  _ knew _ what would happen and he just. Just couldn’t. 

“It’s okay. We’re almost there.”

Sasuke shook his head, until he managed to get a grip on himself, and then he managed to keep stepping one stair at a time, and to the left, until he was standing in the middle of Mr. Uzumaki’s office. 

“I’m going to take them off, okay?”

Sasuke pretended that he didn’t nod. Not having the cuffs around his wrists made it easier to breathe, just a little. He rubbed his right wrist, looking down at them. They weren’t as red as they were that one time. Last time. He hadn’t. Anyway. They were not as red as they could have been. Probably because last time, he’d had them on for days, and it had barely been fifteen minutes. Not enough to damage himself properly. 

Mr. Uzumaki pulled a chair back. A second later, Sasuke got the hint and took a seat, even though he would rather be anywhere else in the world right now. 

“Your dad is going to pick you up after school,” he said.

Sasuke huffed. It hurt, a little. His breathing was still ragged and it was hard to conjure up enough indignation and anger. He should be pissed off and he was, but he was also in an office with a police officer and he didn’t. Didn’t want to make it worse. “Yeah, whatever.”

“I know it doesn’t seem that way now, but we do care about you.”

“Fuck off,” he said. “I hate you.”

“You’ve said,” he said. He didn’t sound patronizing, but it made Sasuke want to scream even more. 

Mr. Uzumaki opened up a drawer, and handed him a container. Cream. Presumably for his wrists.Sasuke looked away, towards the empty wall. It was boring and ugly, and he hated it. When his attention drifted back to the desk, he found the container on it, just there, presumably waiting to be used. As if. Sasuke swiped his hand, hearing a  _ thud _ when it landed on the floor. To his credit, or maybe to his discredit, Mr. Uzumaki didn’t do anything, it didn’t even look like he was breathing. A second later, Sasuke reached for a yellow folder and tossed that too, papers scattering upon impact with the ground. 

“If you tell me what you’re trying to accomplish, I can do my best to try to help you.”

Sasuke crossed his arms. “Well, I was trying to have sex. You and your buddies kind of ruined that, so if you really want to help me, fuck me. Right now.” 

“You know I’m not going to do that.”

“Why not?” He huffed. “Isn’t that what happens in porn, anyway?”

“I don’t know.”

Sasuke didn’t exactly know either, and he wasn’t that surprised that Mr. Uzumaki didn’t know, but. “Well, it does.” He crossed his arms. “Didn’t you just said you wanted to help?”

Mr. Uzumaki sighed and stood up, and Sasuke placed all his energy in not running out of the office. He shut his eyes. Obviously. Obviously, he didn’t really want this, not with Mr. Uzumaki because he could get in trouble and he was Naruto’s dad and he was Mrs. Uzumaki’s husband, and it would be considered cheating, and he was going to ruin an entire family. Someone-- Mr. Uzumaki--grabbed his wrists. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No. Fuck. There was something cold and. He opened his eyes. It was the cream. Mr. Uzumaki was spreading the cream on his right wrist. It felt good. Cold. 

“You don’t have to,” he said, making no effort to move away. It was nicer than Mr. Uzumaki slamming him into the desk, or something.

Mr. Uzumaki reached behind him, and started to wrap a bandage around the wrist. “There’s no reason not to. You’re hurt.”

Sasuke kept his eyes on the white bandage circling his wrist, over and over. “I still hate you,” he said. “This is all your fault.”

“Why don’t you tell me more about that, so I can understand--” 

“Shut up!” He stood up, shoving him. Or trying to. Mr. Uzumaki grabbed him before his fists could make contact with his chest. 

“I can’t apologize if I don’t know--” 

“YOU COULD HAVE JUST LET ME DIE!” He tried to free his wrists, but Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t letting him go. “BUT YOU DIDN’T AND NOW I’M HERE LIKE THIS AND IF YOU HADN’T SHOWN UP NOTHING MORE WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. LET GO OF ME YOU FUCKING PIECE OF--” 

“I’m going to let go, but if you leave, I’m going to bring you back inside, Sasuke. Your dad’s still at work.”

“Fuck off,” he said, pulling his wrist, freeing them a second later. Largely because Mr. Uzumaki released him, but still. He’ll take the credit. 

“I’m not apologizing for keeping you alive.”

Somehow, Sasuke already knew that. He ripped the bandage off of his wrist and threw it at his face. It didn’t land as hard as it should have, didn’t even land, really, losing momentum before really making any damage. But Mr. Uzumaki didn’t react, he just stared, with an impassive look in his eyes, that for some wild reason, made everything worse and made it just a bit more difficult to swallow the screams. Crossing his arms, he turned to glare at the stupid wall. Until the door open. But it wasn’t Kakashi, or his brother. It was a woman in uniform, with her hair tight up into a long ponytail. She set a white bag on the desk and walked out, closing the door softly behind her. 

Sasuke didn’t miss the way she looked at him before leaving, like she pitied him, but was also unimpressed with him. Too bad he didn’t give a single fuck. 

“Do you want to eat?”

Sasuke made to swipe the bag onto the ground, just like he’d done with that stupid cream, but Mr. Uzumaki reached for it first, apparently having read his mind. Sasuke turned to glare at the wall again. He was hungry, but he wasn’t going to accept that food. If he did, Mr. Uzumaki might misunderstand and Sasuke was still angry. He was pissed off. It’s like somehow, Mr. Uzumaki felt the right to treat him like his kid, which was complete bullshit, because if his memory didn’t fail him, and it didn’t, Mr. Uzumaki had walked away once and then just a few days ago, on Friday night, walked him back to his house, like he didn’t know exactly why Sasuke couldn’t be there, and preferred to be.

Anyway. Anyway. Sasuke hated all of them. 

Mr. Uzumaki told him once that even if Naruto and he broke up, he would still care about him, and maybe he’d believed that once. And maybe, even worse, Mr. Uzumaki believed that. But Sasuke could see clearly now that if that had been true, then Mr. Uzumaki would have just let whatever needed to happen, happen, just let it happen, so that Sasuke could be dead instead of here. 

He would have never been kidnapped again and he would have never  _ not _ not remembered what happened. How fucking stupid could it be that he couldn’t remember what happened in that house? 

Maybe he should have nvever walked inside of there, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. It was an Open House and it had been so easy to just head inside, take a tour himself. 

Maybe not knowing was worse than knowing. He shook his head, shifting on the chair to pull his knees up. If he was supposed to be there until Kakashi was off work, he might as well take a nap. Or try to, at the very least. He was not very successful. Knowing that Mr. Uzumaki was in the room, keeping tabs on him didn’t help; they showed him that they didn’t really give a fuck whether he slept or not, so he didn’t want to give him proof that, in fact, he couldn’t sleep. 

But he pretended to sleep. Until the door opened. It was Kakashi this time, looking utterly livid, accepting Sasuke’s backpack from Mr. Uzumaki. He stood up, brushing against Kakashi’s shoulder, but actually waiting for him at the end of the hallway. It looked like like Mr. Uzumaki and Kakashi were talking, and judging by the increasingly tighten hold that Kakashi had on his backpack, it was not anything good. Of course not. Sasuke had tried to lose his virginity and suddenly, the entire world was falling to pieces, as if there weren’t bigger problems around, in other countries. 

No, but suddenly, he was the one who was out of control. Of course. 

Kakashi’s hand went to his right shoulder, as he walked him downstairs. The hold tightened was they were outside, but Sasuke was pretty sure that it was only because Kakashi thought that he would run away. Which was hilarious because that’s exactly what Sasuke had planned to do, until he realized that if he tried, Kakashi’s nails would only dig deeper into his skin. 

The car ride was long. Or at least, it felt long. Until it didn’t, until Kakashi pulled up into the house. Not their house, the one next door, the one with the OPEN HOUSE sign and balloons attacked to it, on the front yard. 

“Get out,” Kakashi said, already halfway out of the car. He walked in front of the car, only to open Sasuke’s door. “Get out. We’re going house shopping.”

Sasuke shook his head. 

“You’re already in trouble, Sasuke. Don’t make it worse, get out, or I’ll drag you out. Pick.”

Both choices were horrendous, but. He clicked his seatbelt off, getting out of the car. He barely had time to slam the door, before Kakashi was walking him up to that house. There was something on his chest and his throat, but there shouldn’t be because he’d been there already, twice, in fact, and. He halted at the end of the driveway, shaking his head when he felt a nudge.

“This is where you came that day, isn’t it?” Kakashi’s voice sounded faraway and exactly like it shouldn’t sound. “Before you stole my car and your brother’s money. What do you think happened in here?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. That was half of the problem and the other half that maybe he did know, but he didn’t want to know, but he also didn’t know and he did want to know. He didn’t know. He was just. 

“Sasuke, you’re not there anymore. You’re okay. You’re going to be.”

Those words didn’t feel like anything other than cheap, desperate lies. How could Kakashi say that? When everything that happened since they moved to California, to the neighborhood proved them wrong? He wasn’t safe. He was never going to be safe, so he might as well cut to the chase. “Can we go home?” He asked, although he was already walking that way, but more importantly, so was Kakashi.

Sasuke leaned against the doorframe as Kakashi opened the door. 

“Do you want to eat before we talk?”

Sasuke closed the door behind them, locking it. “I don’t want to do either things.”

“We have to talk.”

“I don’t want to. I’m not going to,” he said, heading to the stairs. Until Kakashi grabbed his arm.

“We’re going to talk. You can chose how that happens, but we need to talk. Your behavior is inappropriate, dangerous, and unacceptable. I’m worried about you.”

“I don’t feel like talking--” 

“Too bad.” Kakashi squeezed his arm, before letting him go. “What do you want to eat?”

For a second, Sasuke considered running upstairs. But he was too tired to do that. He dragged his body to the living room, grabbing a chair and facing it in the direction of the kitchen, where Kakashi was looking through the refrigerator. “Not hungry.”

He stuck his head out, “you need to eat something. I know you didn’t have breakfast and Minato said you didn’t eat anything there. What do you want? If you don’t tell me, I’m going to make something and you’re still going to have to eat it.”

Sasuke shrugged, resting his forehead on his knees. Until there was a  _ clank _ next to him and he was forced to look up. A plate with cut up tomatoes and white rice on the side. 

“Eat.”

Sasuke sat up, grabbing the fork, and pushing the food around. 

“I will actually feed you, Sasuke.”

He brought some food up to his mouth. And swallowed. And then did it again. If he allowed himself to be honest, it actually made him feel a little better. At least he didn’t have a headache, or some kind of  _ thing _ in the back of his head. Kakashi sat next to him, an apple on his plate. Unbelievable, so he had to eat more food than he wanted, but other people could eat whatever. Amazing. The pure--

“I already ate, but I appreciate the glare.”

Sasuke looked away. “So what do you want?”

“Mostly an explanation, about what you were thinking today.”

Sasuke chuckled. “Just wanted to have sex. Getsu wouldn’t do it. And I didn’t want to with Naruto because I hate him and that would be counterproductive.” He shrugged. “So what?”

Kakashi took a bite of the apple, probably to give himself thinking time, to figure out how to reply to that. Sasuke was actually looking forward to his response, to see what Kakashi could  _ possibly _ say to that. 

“Because you already think that they hurt you?”

He clenched the fork, even though he didn’t want to. There was buzzing in his ears. “Stop.”

“If you don’t tell what’s going on in your head, I have to guess. If I have to keep guessing, then I might force you to hear wrong things. But if you don’t want to talk, that’s how monologues work.”

“I don’t want to--” 

“We  _ have  _ to.”

“No, we don’t.”

“In the last three weeks, you’ve stolen a car, money, and a phone; gotten a tattoo and drunk; walked and stayed in two stranger’s homes, and tried to have sex with a man the same age as me. Did you even think about protection?” 

Sasuke shrugged. He hadn’t. He didn’t care. Hadn’t. Still didn’t.

“So, we do need to talk, Sasuke.” He set the apple down. “This can go one of two ways. Either you cooperate so I can understand and help better, or you bring down my belt--” 

His throat closed up. “Because I don’t want to talk?”

“No,” Kakashi said. “Because you skipped school and solicited sex from a stranger, who, by the way, might go to jail if he can’t prove without a doubt that he didn’t know you were underage. Also, because you’ve stolen things, drank, skipped curfew, and got a tattoo. From a stranger. In his apartment. Also,” he cleared his throat. “You must have done something for Minato to actually handcuff you, so whatever that was, for that, too. You know, now that I’ve listed all the reasons like that, I’m not entirely sure why I’m giving you an option, go--” 

“No.” He cleared his throat, wincing at the squeak that slipped out. “No. We can talk--” 

“Ah, but I’m entirely sure that we should because--”

“Stop.”

“Go bring it, it’s in the closet. The black one--” 

“No! Stop.”

“Sasuke, you can bring it, or I can bring it, but believe me, it’s going to--” 

“Stop.” He cleared his throat. “You said you wouldn’t do it again!”

“I did,” Kakashi nodded. “And you said that you wouldn’t do things that could warrant it, either, so it seems that we’re both liars. Worse yet, if I don’t follow through, then you’re going to think that there are no consequences to any of your, frankly, increasingly alarming actions, as evidently, you do not care about what being grounded entails, which means that if I don’t nip this in the bud, you’re going to run amok and no one is going to be able to stop you from destroying yourself. I’ve tried talking and grounding, so tell me, what exactly do you think is left?”

Nothing. Objectively, Kakashi was right. But Sasuke had already been shackled today and he just. Just couldn’t. 

“Sasuke?”

He shrugged, as Kakashi was pushing the chair back, a moment later, standing up. Sasuke grabbed his sleeve, hearing a sigh. Nto from himself. From Kakashi. 

“Listen,” he said, crouching down. Sasuke did his best not to look at him. “I do care about you and I don’t want to hurt you. I’d even love to tell you that it’ll hurt me more than it would hurt you, but that’s stupid because it’s obviously going to hurt you more, and I’ve always been under the impression that people who say that are just trying to alleviate their own guilt and simultaneously putting it on their kids. But, here’s what’s going to happen. You can keep the attitude and the talking back, and you can even cuss me out and call me names, if you want. I’ll venture to say that those are acceptable and healthy behaviors for someone your age. But the second you engage in dangerous behavior, including, but not limited to drinking, stealing, or taking drugs, I will hit you. It might destroy our relationship, or not, but that’s what’s going to happen and this is your one and only warning with a clean slate. Are we clear?”

Sasuke managed a nod, watching Kakashi stand up. There was nothing indicating that he wasn’t serious, even though the thought of Kakashi following through with that made him want to crawl into bed and never get out again. He wasn’t exactly confident in his ability to...self-regulate, or control himself, which only meant that Kakashi would be beating him every day and. 

“Good,” he said. “And...I’d love to talk with you, but if you don’t want,” he sighed. “At least consider talking to Dr. Uzuki about some of the stuff that’s going on.”

Sasuke took a deep breath, not quite bringing himself to nod. “Does that mean I’m not grounded anymore?”

Kakashi nodded. “I did just say clean slate, didn’t I? But I also said this was your one warning, Sasuke. If there’s a next time, I’m skipping over the grounding.”

When Kakashi disappeared upstairs, Sasuke turned back to his plate. Half of the food was still there and part of him was too tired to eat, but the other part was too exhausted  _ not _ to eat. Another part of him wanted to grab the food and dump it on Kakashi’s head, but. But that seemed wrong. 

And dangerous, now. 


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh  
This many chapters. No wonder it gave me anxiety lmao

“I thought you weren’t grounded anymore.”

Sasuke pulled the covers closer to cover his entire head. Mostly to avoid Suigetsu staring at him, half hanging from the top bunk bed. At the risk of sounding like a crybaby, he would much prefer to be grounded than...this. 

Nothing happened. Yet. It was the waiting game because eventually, he’d do something stupid and then. Well, he’d rather stay in bed for the rest of his life rather than to risk fucking up. He would eventually and then. 

Then.

Well, the last time, it hadn’t been Kakashi and it hadn’t been in the house. They drove him somewhere else and he never really got a good look at them, and that was hilarious because he never seemed to get a good look at anyone or anything, but it hurt a lot. It was a little silly, for Kakashi to say that this was for his own good, to make sure he didn’t hurt himself, when last time it happened, he’d tried to raw out his wrists to bleed out.

If only he’d been able to do that.

The entire school week had been the most stressful thing in the world, and more than once, he had to remind himself of what would happen if he’d just walk out of the building. It had kept him in check, but the mental energy to keep reminding himself, it really. It made him exhausted. And it was Saturday, finally, and he could just stay in bed, without making any decisions that could get his. Could get him hurt. 

“Sauce?”

He poked his head out, the cold air rushing across his cheeks. Getsu had a small frown on his face, wildly disconcerting, considering he was upside down and knowing him, that alone would suggest that he was happy. “Yeah?”

“You wanna go to the dog park with Urushi after my shift? Or to--” 

“Yeah,” Sasuke smiled. Getsu was the one who called the police, after realizing that his phone was were it should not be and tracking it himself. But Sasuke couldn’t be mad at him. “Sounds fun.”

“It should be.” Getsu’s head disappeared for a second, apparently to adjust his body to come down. “It’s a park full of dogs.” He poked him on the stomach. “See you later?”

Sasuke nodded. He didn’t even know if Getsu was paying rent. But it was good to see that at least one of them was making good life choices. Once he was alone in the bedroom, Sasuke sat up, rubbing his eyes, like that would do anything to make him more awake. It wasn’t going to. If he was honest, it was becoming increasingly difficult to tell what was a dream and what was not--a dream or a nightmare or real life, all blended together. 

It was fine. 

He made his bed, and Getsu’s bed, before heading to the bathroom. For some reason, that made him sad--he couldn’t place his finger on it, but many things made him sad, now. Or angry. Or both. 

Sasuke had always been under the impression that Uchiha’s were not made to handle that many emotions in their lifetime, let alone half a year. Nevermind whatever Hatake part that he had left. He checked his tattoo, before deciding that it looked fine. He didn’t want to think about what Kakashi would have done if on top of everything else, it had gotten infected. 

He didn’t want to think that Kakashi would have tried to rip it off his skin, but. But. It was a possibility. Probably not. Well. Maybe. He wasn’t sure. He’d like to think he was only being dramatic, but. He clenched his hands, letting go of the towel--when did he get it? 

Great. Now, on top of everything else, he couldn’t even remember grabbing a towel. Or anything, for that matter. That was the problem, wasn’t it? He couldn’t remember. And the more that he couldn’t remember what happened in that house, the more he was convinced that something did happened and his brain only did the best it could to stop anything from resurfacing, which was...nice. Maybe. Possibly.

Except it was driving him crazy. 

He washed his face and headed out. Changing into shorts and shirt. He called Urushi to the door, strapping his leash, grabbing his keys, and walking out. He wasn’t grounded anymore, and even if he was, walking Urushi never counted. Or running. He couldn’t stop running once he saw that house and it presented a tough problem because he didn’t feel too good, and yet. There were a lot of things from which to run. 

Until he got lost in the woods. Urushi appeared to be having fun, though. At least one of them was. He leaned against a tree and it was like he was back in that night. He wasn’t. Of course he wasn’t. It wasn’t even night, the sun was out, it couldn’t have been more than two hours, at most, since he left the house. He only needed to get back, it wasn’t the end of the world. It should have been because that’s what he really wanted, but  _ couldn’t _ because he’d promised so many people that he wouldn’t kill himself, no matter how much he wanted to. 

Taking a deep breath, he began walking back, hopefully back to the house. That was the real issue with Mr. Uzumaki--there was nothing to be angry about with him except he had shown up, that first kidnapping. Sasuke could have died and everything would have been fine, but Mr. Uzumaki showed up and. And then everything happened. It wasn’t Mr. Uzumaki’s fault, though. It was his job. Sasuke just lashed out because. He couldn’t figure out why. 

Not his best moment. 

He hadn’t had many good moments, lately. He sat down, keeping his back against a tree trunk. It was nothing. It was just comfortable. 

When he woke up, the sun was setting. His stomach twisted as he scrambled up, almost running over Urushi, curled up into a tiny ball by his side. He picked up the leash, at least grateful for Urushi’s bouncing energy, and hurried back home. Until he tripped over a branch and landed on his knees. Kakashi was going to kill him. His knees kind of hurt, but it wasn’t anything compared to what Kakashi was going to do to him. He must have been gone for hours. Not anything doing wrong, except--except falling asleep in the woods. It hadn’t been on purpose, it was just an accident, he hadn’t even realized that he’d  _ fallen _ asleep. 

Somehow, he managed to drag his butt to their street. But. But he really just couldn’t. Maybe this is what grown ups always talked about when it came to kids crying wolf, Kakashi didn’t have a reason to believe that he hadn’t been doing anything wrong because he had been doing a lot of things wrong lately, which. Urushi was at the end of the leash, wagging his tail at something, but Sasuke just couldn’t pay attention to that. He drew in a deep breath, until he couldn’t anymore, and the only breaths he could manage were shallow ones. 

“Sasuke?”

He turned around, his brain processing the voice slower than his eyes. It was Mr. Uzumaki. Holding a grocery a bag. 

“Oh. Hi.” Sasuke managed a smile, or at least what he hoped it was a smile, although, it felt like it was a grimace. 

“How are you?”

Not too good. He shrugged. “I...” he glanced over his shoulder, spotting that house and then, his own house. His knees burned. “Yeah. Fine. Just fell down. I’m okay.”

Mr. Uzumaki looked like he didn’t believe him. Sasuke had always been told that he was a terrible liar. “You want to come in? I’m barbecuing, just for myself. Naruto and Kushina went shopping. We can clean your knees.”

He glanced back at the house. Not that house. Just his house. He shook his head. “No, it’s fine, Mr. Uzumaki. I should be getting home. Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Of course,” he said. “See you later, Sasuke.”

He nodded, watching him leave and disappear inside his house. Urushi’s tails stopped wagging. It was fine. Sasuke couldn’t have gone inside, even if he’d wanted to, which he didn’t, but even if he had, he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t step inside Naruto’s house ever again. No matter how much he didn’t want to go home right now. But showing up with Mr. Uzumaki would probably be worse. That would make sense, because clearly, he couldn’t show up with Mr. Uzumaki, Kakashi would only get more pissed off. He remembered, back in the ranch, Mr. Uzumaki and Kakashi getting into a fight; Sasuke hadn’t heard the entire fight since he was sent away, but he could imagine what happened in Itachi’s living room. 

He took a deep breath. And then, just. He could go over. Over and sort of...try to explain that he’d only lost track of time, hadn’t meant to stay out so late, without even answering or checking his. His phone. He checked his sweater and his short, but his phone wasn’t there. Had he taken his phone with him? In the morning? Maybe he’d lost it.

Great. He’d disappear for hours, hadn’t even taken his phone,  _ or _ had his phone and then lost it, but. Either way. Maybe he could call it and then find it. It was an idea--not a very good idea, considering how dark it was now. Which. That was.

“Sasuke?”

It was Getsu this time. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

He nodded. “When did you get back?”

“Just now. I stopped by the store to buy popcorn. We could watch a movie after going to the dog park?”

Sasuke looked down at Urushi. He was stomach up, on a spot of dirt, still in the Uzumaki’s front yard. “Oh. Uh. I don’t think Urushi would like to go now. He’s been--he still hasn’t eaten, he’s been out the entire day,  _ I’ve _ been out the entire day. Dad’s going to kill me.”

“He’s not going to kill you,” Suigetsu said. “Come on. If we’re not going to the park, then we can watch a movie. It’s been a long day, sandwich buyers are assholes, and--” 

“I can’t.”

Suigetsu patted his shoulder. “Come on. If Urushi’s been out the entire day, then so have you and--” 

He shook his head. “Dad’s going to kill me. He’s going to--” 

“You’re being dramatic. He won’t kill you. At most,” he rolled his eyes. “He might hit you a little bit.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m joking, Sauce,” Getsu said. Like that was something to joke about. “Come on. You haven’t done anything today to warrant it. It’s okay.”

It wasn’t something to joke about. Kakashi  _ was _ going to hit him. And even if it was something to joke about, Sasuke knew that Suigetsu wouldn’t be joking about it if it was his butt on the line. He handed the leash to him. “Mr. Uzumaki offered to,” he shook his head. “Anyway, I’ll be over in a few minutes. Pick the movie.”

“Are you sure?” Getsu asked, looking up from the leash. “You look a little pale.”

“I always do,” Sasuke said. “I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.”

But Suigetsu didn’t move. Didn’t head to the house. “What are you doing?”

“Just waiting to see you get inside Naruto’s house. Would hate to see you running away, wouldn’t I?”

Sasuke managed a chuckle. Or something. And then he walked up to the driveway. He knocked on the door, glancing over his shoulder. Getsu was still there. The suspicion was understandable, of course, but. He rubbed the back of his neck. Until the door opened. Mr. Uzumaki was wearing...pajamas. That was nice. It was...late enough to be bedtime for a cop. It was definitely late enough to be bedtime for a sixteen or seventeen or. Or teenager. 

“Sasuke?”

“Can I come in for a bit, Mr. Uzumaki?”

“Of course.”

Sasuke did. He assumed Suigetsu walked away then, but the door was locked and he didn’t have X-ray vision. He hovered by the door, until Mr. Uzumaki popped his head from the kitchen. 

“You can sit down if you want, Sasuke--” 

He shook his head. “I’m fine here. Thanks.”

“Sasuke--” 

“I just...wanted to say that I’m really sorry for...the way I acted in your office the other day.”

“Come here for a second,” he said, stepping out of the kitchen, heading to the living room. 

Sasuke hesitated for a second, before figuring that it was either Mr. Uzumaki beating his ass or Kakashi doing it, and for some reason, his mind told him that Mr. Uzumaki might not hit too hard, mostly because he didn’t have practice, and probably because it would be a little weird to hit his son’s boyfriend, or ex, or whatever. He walked over, taking a sit next to Mr. Uzumaki. 

“You know that none of us are angry at you, right? We all care about you, Sasuke.”

“I know.” He said, because it seemed like a good thing to say. In the back of his head, he did know that. Everyone cared, even if it was no one’s fault, and Sasuke had just. It was just. “I know, Mr. Uzumaki. That’s why I’m really sorry for the way I acted. I’ve had the entire week to think about it and...I’m really happy you showed up. When you did, I mean.” 

“It makes me glad to hear that.”

Sasuke smiled, even though it hurt his throat. It wasn’t the fact that he almost slept with a stranger. Except that he sort of. Well, that was a thing. It did nothing for the nightmares, even though it should have. But of course it didn’t. It just made everything worse. Because now, he really was dirty, and this time, it was absolutely because of his own fault. Thinking of telling Naruto just. Just had made him sick to the stomach since Monday night and...and he’d been a coward, continuously pretending that Naruto was  _ still _ a ghost. “And,” he cleared his throat, looking at the television. The black screen, specifically, because it was off. “And I’m sorry that...I...suggested that you should cheat on Mrs. Uzumaki...with me. That was really inappropriate and I didn’t really mean it. And I know you wouldn’t have, obviously, but I’m still glad you didn’t, even though I know you wouldn’t have because that--” 

“Sasuke, it’s okay.” Mr. Uzumaki said. “I knew you didn’t mean anything by it, except as an outward demonstration of...feelings. It’s okay. I mean, what you’ve been doing lately is not okay, but it’s understandable. You’re finally not fighting for your life and a lot of things that didn’t have a chance to be shared, can be shared now. It’s okay.”

“It’s...not that.” It was probably that. He cleared his throat. “It was...the house next door is been sold. They had an Open House and I went inside. But I just can’t remember anything, couldn’t remember anything, and it just made me think--” 

“Kiddo? Nothing happened in there. We’ve gone over timeframes, believe me,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “You couldn’t have been in that house longer than a minute, taking into consideration the time of the crash and 911 phone call, the time it must have taken the car to drive back, where the bodies were found in the woods, and how long it took for you to run back to this house. You couldn’t remember anything because there was nothing to remember, except for...you running out.”

For some stupid reasons his cheeks were wet and his eyes stung. “You don’t know that.”

“We do,” Mr. Uzumaki said, like he really did. “You don’t run that fast, kiddo. Naruto doesn’t even run that fast. Do you remember something happening in the car?”

He shook his head. “Just. My chest and side hurting. They were driving and I was on the backseat.”

“Then, you’re okay, kiddo. I promise nothing happened. Do you want to see the police report?”

Sasuke cleared his throat. And shook his head. “I...no. It’s okay. I don’t need to see it.” He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see anything about that. He could just trust Mr. Uzumaki, it’s the least that he could do. 

“Okay. If you ever do,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “Just let me know. Do you want to take some food home?”

“Oh, uh. Yeah,” he cleared his throat. “Yeah, that’ll be nice. Uh, dad would like that. He probably hasn’t cooked anything yet. I should--should get home. Getsu and I are watching a movie and,” he stood up. “It’s late.”

Mr. Uzumaki nodded, standing up too. Sasuke hovered by the kitchen while he put some of the food into tupperwares. And accepted them and. Continued to hover like a creep. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yup.” He cleared his throat. “I know you’re in pjs already, but...do you mind walking me home? It’s dark outside.”

“Of course,” he said, like he didn’t mind one bit to be forced out of the house in pajamas; at least it wasn’t cold. 

Mr. Uzumaki pulled him closer when they walked past that house, and Sasuke was sure that the fact that Mr. Uzumaki was between him and the house was on purpose, which. Which really spoke to Mr. Uzumaki’s general kind disposition because not even a week ago, Sasuke had asked him to fuck him in his office, at his job, after telling him that he hated him, and his entire family. And now, Sasuke was even using every person’s fear that he would run away, to make sure that he did make it home, because if he wasn’t being escorted, Sasuke would have totally ditched because he just. He felt a nudge.

“Sasuke? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, why do you ask, Mr. Uzumaki?”

“You’ve been standing there for about three minutes,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Just. Enjoying the,” he glanced around, “the night.” He cleared his throat, and continued to walk, until they were in front of his door. Sasuke was about to ring the doorbell, but then he remembered he had a key. He took it from his pocket, opening the door. His phone was on the first step of the staircase. “Uh, thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. For the food and walking me here.”

“Of course.” He smiled. “You know, if there’s anything I can help you with, right, I can help. Sasuke?”

He nodded. “I know, Mr. Uzumaki. Don’t worry about it, I know. And. And, I’m really sorry about what I did and what I said to you. I’m,” he cleared his throat. “I’m really glad that you showed up that day, I mean, you know the day. I’m really glad that you got there when you did and that you saved me, and that I’m alive, anyway, uh, thanks for the food and. And. Anyway. Goodnight.” He closed the door quickly, heading over to the kitchen to put the food in the fridge. 

He spotted Kakashi on the couch, reading the newspaper. It was. Sasuke didn’t know how he managed to walk over to the living room, but he managed to, which meant that someone should give him a gold star. “I--” 

“You should have taken your phone.”

“I...forgot--” 

“How convenient.” He glanced up. “Where were you?”

“I took Urushi on a walk.”

“For that many hours.” It didn’t sound like a question. It shouldn’t have been. It should have been. “How nice of you. What happened to your knees?”

“I tripped over a branch and fell down.”

“Right. And you didn’t have a phone with you. You realize that if you’d fallen down and hurt yourself more, you wouldn’t have been able to call for help, right?”

“I’m sorry! It won’t happen again, I promise. It was an accident.” Kakashi shook his head. Sasuke had never felt so sick in his life, except that he assumed, he would be feeling a lot sicker in an hour or so. “I’m sorry! I promise it won’t happen again.”

“I’m really disappointed in you, Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “But go wash your knees out. Disinfect them, the last thing we need is a bacterial infection.”

Sasuke, mostly, rather shamelessly, ran upstairs. And closed the door. Getsu was on the top bunk, staring at his laptop, but without a word, Sasuke made it to the bathroom. He ran a towel under the faucet, feeling a sharp hitch of pain when he pressed against the skinned knees. At least he didn’t use his hands to break the fall, that would have been worse. Once they were clean, he went back outside, climbing onto the bunk bed and squeezing between Suigetsu and the wall.

“What were you watching?” He asked, once he realized that Suigetsu had actually minimized the window on purpose and turned the volume off.

“Uh...” Suigetsu trailed off. “If you make fun of me, I’ll make fun of you too.”

“I’m not going to make fun of you.”

Suigetsu glanced at him. “I was watching that reboot show. You know, with the witches.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. “Oh. Yeah, okay.” He grabbed the pillow, “well, put it back on.”

“You’re making fun of me.”

“I’m really not,” Sasuke said. “I promise.”

Suigetsu shrugged and pulled up the browser again. It was an episode that involved, ironically enough, one of the sisters being a virgin at twenty-eight or something, which was really an excellent peek into his own future. If he were to believe Mr. Uzumaki then. Then, he wasn’t entirely sure how he should be feeling about...having sex. Which shouldn’t be a concern, he supposed, because he wasn’t even an adult yet. 

“I like the original better.”

Sasuke turned to his side. “You’ve watched the original?”

“Yeah. Don’t judge! Shut up!” He shoved him.

And Sasuke landed on his back. Until he scrambled off. And until his stomach. Until the episode ended and another one started. It was even more stupid than the previous one, but it was kind of relaxing to see a stupid show with stupid drama, at the very least it wasn’t his own drama. “Getsu?”

“What?” He asked, with his entire attention clearly still fixed on the screen.

“You know how sometimes your dad used to hit you and your brother?”

Getsu chuckled. “Yeah. All that good that did to my brother, uh?” He shook his head, “still ended up in jail. Why?”

“Did it make you nervous being around him?”

“No.” He chuckled, “are you kidding? It was just stupid stuff that I would do, you know that. I mean, I know I haven’t gotten into stupid stuff lately, but that’s only because I’ve been preoccupied with your stupid stuff, you know?” He paused the video. “The truth’s that sometimes, kids do stupid shit and it’s up to parents to make sure they don’t do it again, right? There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Right.”

Getsu poked his ribs. “Look, you should only be worried if your dad wouldn’t do that ‘cause that means that he doesn’t care about what happens to you.” He turned back to the screen, starting the episode. “You have been reckless lately, and you’ve been stupid. You stole my phone. You’ve done so many stupid, stupid things lately, right? What else is Kakashi supposed to do? You haven’t exactly left him with that many choices and at the end of the day, it’s going to hurt him more than it’ll hurt you. You really think that he wakes up in the morning, knowing everything that--” 

“Stop.”

Getsu shrugged, “sorry, Sauce. You’re my best friend and I care about you, a lot. I don’t want to wake up one day only for a policeman, probably Naruto’s dad, telling us that you are dead, in a ditch, or some place worse, so I’m totally for Kakashi doing whatever needs to be done to make sure that you stop doing stupid shit.” He paused the video again. “But I know that it sucks--” 

“I can’t believe you’re telling me this. Would you be saying this if Itachi was--” 

“Your brother doesn’t care about you,” Suigetsu said. “Kakashi does. Okay? I can’t believe you’re insinuating that I don’t care about you.”

“If you cared, you wouldn’t exactly be lining me up to get hit.”

“You still haven’t told me what exactly Kakashi could do instead. You haven’t given him another choice. You know parents don’t do that until they don’t know what else to do.”

“You said it yourself, it didn’t really help your brother.”

“No, but you’re not him. You do care, not just ‘cause it hurts a lot, but because you care about what your dad thinks about you.” He paused the video again, turning on his side. “He’s just worried about you, Sauce. If you don’t give him a reason to worry about you, or a reason to hit you, he won’t do it. It’s not like he enjoys it, and it’s not like he wants to do it. So, just don’t give him a reason to hit you, and if you do, he did give you a fair warning, didn’t he?”

“I guess.”

“And he even ungrounded you,” Suigetsu turned back to the screen. “Just don’t be an idiot anymore and it’s going to be okay. And if you are, say you’re sorry, close your eyes, and try not to tense up. It makes it worse.”

“Right,” Sasuke said. It was. Well, it was difficult to not tense too much. “You really don’t think it’s--” 

“Nope. You were an idiot. If you keep being an idiot, life is going to give you worse consequences. Like jail. And to top it off, you’re pretty, okay, so you wouldn’t do good in there. So you should just stop being an idiot, okay? It’s not going to happen, unless you do something for it.”

Sasuke nodded and turned back to the screen, a few moments later, feeling Getsu’s attention shift away from him. Until the episode ended. And the next one started. Sasuke might have fallen asleep sometime later, but when he woke up, he found Getsu asleep. The screen was black, but when he tapped on the spacebar, the episode was halfway done. Getsu must have paused it before falling asleep. 

He pulled the laptop closer to his side.  _ Orochimaru _ . He probably should not. But he typed the name anyway. The first time he’d done so, though he should have done it a long time ago. It was only fair. He clicked on the first result. It was a news article. There were a lot of them, apparently. He read over one ten years ago, one where his father had publicly stated that Orochimaru was not responsible for anything. It had not been him, apparently. Which made no sense. But it was right there, written there, like--at least the quote read like his father would have sounded. 

He typed in his brother’s name on the search bar. Many of the articles were recent, but through the twelfth page, he found older ones. He found Itachi’s graduation, with a picture of their family; Itachi looking younger than Sasuke ever remembered, and Sasuke himself looked like a baby. An actual, legitimate baby. He slammed the laptop shut, the sound apparently, waking Suigetsu up. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. Go back to sleep.”

Getsu shifted around. “I’m sorry for what I said, but--” 

“No, I get it. You’re right,” he nodded. He climbed over him, making his way to his own bed. “If I don’t get in trouble, then dad won’t have to hit me, and if he does, it’s out of care and worry. I’m going to grab a snack. Do you want anything?”

“A sandwich. With nutella.”

“That’s hardly a sandwich,” Sasuke mumbled, but closed the door behind him. Eating a nutella sandwich at three in the morning hardly seemed like a good idea, but Sasuke was heading down for a bowl of cereal, so he couldn’t exactly judge. He hovered over the stairs, with the living room light still on. With a bit of courage, he managed to get to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” Kakashi’s voice sounded a lot more like his voice usually sounded. A little lazy, a little amused. Mostly, tired. 

“Just finding some food. Do you want anything?”

“No.” 

“Mr. Uzumaki sent us some food,” Sasuke said, pouring the milk into a bowl and placing it inside of the microwave. One minute would do. Just one minute to be brave. He took a deep breath, managing to stand next to the couch. And cleared his throat. “Are you...going to need your belt?”

Kakashi turned to look at him. Even reaching for the remote to pause whatever he was watching. “No, I don’t think so. Why? What did you do?”

“I...” he shrugged. “I didn’t take my phone and was gone for hours. I could have gotten hurt and wouldn’t have been able to call for help.”

Kakashi patted the space next to him. A second later, Sasuke managed to head over, seating down next to him, curling his toes to stop his leg from shaking. It didn’t work very well the first time. Or the second time. But. But it. It seemed to be working right now. But that might just be because he wasn’t on his stomach yet. 

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“No! I told you it was an accident,” he said. There was a beep from the kitchen.

“Sasuke, I know accidents happen,” Kakashi said, leaning back. “I’m not looking for a reason to hit you. As long as you’re not purposely hurting yourself, it’s okay.”

“I’ve tried not to,” he said. It’d been hard. There were a lot of things he could have done over the past five days. “But it’s hard, sometimes.”

“I know. That’s what you should talk to Dr. Uzuki about. Your cereal is ready, Sasuke.”

He knew what a  _ leave _ sounded like, so he did. At least Getsu appreciated the sandwich.

\-------

“So you’re not pretending I’m an annoying ghost anymore, uh?” Despite the tone of voice, Naruto stepped aside, letting him walk inside his bedroom. “Or that my mom’s a ghost?”

Sasuke went to sit on the bed. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of an asshole.”

“Kind of?”

“Fully an asshole,” Sasuke amended, after a moment of consideration. “I’ve just--” 

“You’re just going through a difficult time,” Naruto said. “But that doesn’t mean my mom gets to be your emotional punching bag. I told you that I don’t like people being mean to my parents.”

Sasuke glanced down. Considering that Naruto hadn’t mentioned anything about the way that he’d pushed Mr. Uzumaki, or treated him, he could only assume that Mr. Uzumaki hadn’t mentioned anything to Naruto. Which was nice of him. Not exactly fair, though. He couldn’t just have that hanging over his head, waiting until Naruto found out about it. 

“I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.”

Naruto closed the door, a minute later, flopping on his bed. “I’m not saying that you owe them anything or that they’re perfect, but my mom didn’t deserve that. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Sasuke flopped down on his back, closing his eyes as his back touched the mattress. 

“Then why aren’t you apologizing to her?”

“I will,” he said. “I just.” Hadn’t gotten a chance to do that, but he would, once he came up with a proper apology. He turned his head, opening his eyes, finding Naruto laying on his stomach, next to him. “Monday, I skipped school to meet someone. And sort of...” he turned his head back, closing his eyes. “Tried to sleep with him.”

The silence dragged on. Until Sasuke couldn’t take it anymore, and he turned on his side. Naruto was on his back, staring up at the ceiling. If it weren’t for his chest rising and falling slowly, he could have been a statue. 

“Naruto?”

“Are you okay?”

That was not what he’d been expecting. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just...your dad sort of arrested me afterwards and then I might have called him a piece of shit.”

“ _ What _ ?”

“I know. I know, I feel--” 

“I know that my dad has probably let you down once or twice, but--” 

“No, he hasn’t, I’ve just--” 

“He doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. And neither does my mom. I can’t believe you!” He cleared his throat, sitting up. “Didn’t I tell you that you shouldn’t treat my parents like that? I told you that you could treat me whichever way you wanted, but not my mom and dad. Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m sorry. I already apologized to your dad--” 

“When?”

“Just...yesterday. Last night. I just haven’t seen your mom. But I’ll apologize to her, too, really. Not just because you’re upset, but because I--” 

“I’m not upset. I’m just...” he sighed. “A little upset. I guess I...you should be nice to them. They care about you, a lot. You know that, don’t you?”

Sasuke nodded. “I do. Okay? I’m sorry.”

“And you went to sleep with a stranger?”

Sasuke turned on his stomach. It might be the last time that he was allowed on it. “Tried to,” he closed his eyes. “I also tried to sleep with Getsu. I was drunk--”

“You  _ what _ ?” Naruto cleared his throat. “I knew you liked him!”

“Are you jealous of G--” 

“No!” He cleared his throat. “At least I try not to. I don’t like to be jealous, and I realize that you probably might not have actually tried to sleep with either of them and it was a response to a lot of shit, but he’s your best friend. And in the meantime, you’ve been ignoring me! And--and I mean, you...” he shook his head. “Nevermind. I’m sorry you want to have sex like that.”

Sasuke had been dealing with a lot of things lately, but hearing Naruto’s voice crack at the end like he was choking on air, was not...he’d much preferred to be screamed at, rather than to make Naruto sound like he was seconds away from crying. “It wasn’t like that. It was...stupid. I didn’t mean it. Getsu knew that I was just being stupid.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Naruto said. “I get it. You get a little horny when you’re drunk.”

“What?”

“Well,” he shrugged. “You were making out with Sakura that time, too, right? Let me guess, you drank with that man, too?”

“I mean--” 

“Have you considered that maybe drinking isn’t a good idea?”

“I have. Now, I mean.” It actually sounded like a great idea because the alcohol did relax him, but. But he couldn’t risk that, anymore. Not with Kakashi. Not with. He just couldn’t. He probably would because it seemed inevitable, but he’d tried his best to postpone it for as long as he could, maybe until he was old enough to move out. Of course, if he did that, then Kakashi might not want him anymore, and Sasuke would take however many beatings just so that Kakashi would want him. Regardless of how awful it would be, it would be worthwhile. And. And it wouldn’t be the end of the world. The truth was that Sasuke still liked Kakashi better than his father and, even if it wasn’t possible--for his own stupidity--he still preferred the Hatake name. “I’m really sorry.”

“You know,” Naruto said. “I do. I mean, I know that you’re sorry, it’s always obvious when you’re sorry because you get this look in your eyes, like you hate yourself and you’d love to run out of a window. You haven’t looked like that in a few weeks, you’ve mostly only looked angry and pissed off. But maybe somewhere in the middle...maybe you should aim at somewhere in the middle. Of that.”

Sasuke shrugged. “You know, I...was better before moving here. I genuinly didn’t feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.” He cleared his throat. It sounded vulnerable to say it out loud and he kind of hated himself for being so fucking dramatic, but Naruto had clearly noticed it--he always noticed everything. “The shittiest I ever felt was because.” Because Kimi was dying and Jugo acted like he would, too. “Because I couldn’t take Urushi to school with me.”

“Maybe you just hate California.”

“Maybe,” Sasuke said, moving to stand up, because he could recognize someone acting like someone else was a ghost. Or maybe California just hated him. 

Naruto pulled him back down. “Close your eyes,” he said. 

And Sasuke did. Until there was a weight on his chest. Naruto’s head was covering the ceiling, and for some reason, he very clearly was not acting like Sasuke was a ghost. “What are you doing?”

“Would you feel bad if I did this to someone else? I mean, if I got drunk and tried to sleep with one of my friends. Like Kiba.”

Sasuke chuckled, “pretty sure that he’s not going to sleep with you ever.”

“I’m serious.” Naruto sighed, “I have feelings too, you know. And I like to think that I care about you a lot--” 

“You do.”

“Right. I’m glad you know that,” Naruto said. “Because I do. I really do. Itachi keeps calling it puppy love, you know? And I guess he has a point because we’re teenagers, but I just really really care about you. But...don’t you care about me too?”

“Of course I--” 

“Are you sure?” Naruto sighed. “Because you sometimes don’t act like you do. Why would you try to sleep with your best friend? Or a stranger? Are you crazy--” 

“I just thought that...” he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, okay? I do care about you, a lot, and I’m sorry that I did something like that. I would absolutely sleep with you before anyone else, okay? I just...wasn’t thinking straight.”

“I don’t really want to sleep with you,” Naruto said. Which was kind of ironic, considering the way that they were right now. “Not when you’re just trying to sleep around because you’re terrified of something. Can I move my head?”

“What?” Sasuke asked. Because he was an idiot, apparently. He turned his head, too, when Naruto leaned back, no longer covering the ceiling. He hadn’t been joking apparently. “If this is your way of punishing me--” 

“It’s not,” Naruto said, like Sasuke had just told him that the all the frogs were extinct. “Of course not. I can’t believe you’d even think that.”

“Well, you are holding me down, and--” 

“This is what boyfriends do, Sasuke! This is what we used to do, too, if you don’t remember.”

The balcony was much better than the ceiling. Naruto wasn’t exactly holding him down, of course, he was just cradling him, and it was fine. It’s not like Naruto was squeezing the air out of his lungs. “I do, but--” 

“I mean...I get it. I do. I imagine I do, at least, and I guess if anything, it should have been Suigetsu and not a stranger, but...” he got off of him. “I’m sorry to say that I’m really glad you didn’t sleep with him. I know it makes me sound like an asshole, I just...you were ignoring me, and were trying to sleep with someone else. A stranger, Sasuke? Really? I could have just done it for you.”

“You still can,” Sasuke turned on his side. “If you want. We’re teens.”

“I’m not having sex with you,” Naruto replied. Sasuke shouldn’t have been so  _ hurt _ , but he kind of was--for one too many reasons, he imagined. “Not because of that. Just because you’re trying to and I don’t want to...accidentally traumatize you. I would. I love you. But--” 

“I knew you wouldn’t.” Sasuke sighed. “I just assumed that Suigetsu wouldn’t have cared about that. He was drunk, too. I thought that would be enough.” 

“You should...talk to someone about this, you know. It doesn’t seem...right. I mean, you could have been walking into a psycho’s house, are you insane? For crying out loud, why are you trying so,” he cleared his throat. And then a...sad smile got on his face. “Nevermind. My parents aren’t home, if you really want to.”

“What?”

“If you want to,” Naruto said, very clearly taking his shirt off. 

Sasuke stared for a second, before he managed to get his brain thinking again. “You just said you didn’t want to.”

“I did,” Naruto said. “But if you want to, or you need to, I’d really rather it was somewhere safe, with someone that cares about you. Not that Suigetsu doesn’t care about you, I know that he does, but if he said no, then...maybe you’ll try with someone else again--” 

“I won’t.”

“You don’t know that. I’m just trying to help.”

Sasuke shook his head. “Just put your shirt back on. I’m not grounded anymore--” 

“Why not?”

He shook his head again, “it doesn’t matter. Dad just...changed his mind. Maybe we can just hang out? I’ve...missed you and I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry, Sasuke,” Naruto said, putting his shirt back on. “It kind of loses its purpose when you keep trying to hurt yourself.”

“You really want to get something else off your chest, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “Your brother killed someone. You know, one of his friends found me in the grocery store and asked about you; he killed a person to keep you safe. What do you think he’s going to be doing when he finds out that you’ve been...doing this?”

He chuckled. “Nothing that hasn’t been done already, I imagine.” Or nothing that Kakashi would do first. 

“I’m serious,” he said. “People have hurt you, a lot. But you’ve been hurting yourself too, Sasuke and--” 

“I know, okay? Look, I am sorry. It won’t happen again,” he cleared his throat. “It won’t. I’ve learned my lesson and I don’t...want to worry more people. Next time you see one of my brother’s friends, you can tell them that I’m a good boy and I’m not doing anything stupid. Anymore.” 

“We’re just worried about you, Sasuke.”

“I know.” He nodded. “I do.” 

He got it. He did. It mostly. Kakashi’s...warning had mostly. Mostly made it clear. He didn’t want that to happen to him. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. 


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This actually is a new chapter. Congrats if you make it to the end.

A knock. “Sasuke, Minato’s downstairs. He better be here to congratulate you for being an upstanding citizen.”

Sasuke’s heart skipped a beat. He glanced at the window. If he just. He could just. He shook his head. And wiped his cheeks. Stupid. All of it. He pushed himself off the bed, swallowing whatever was constricting his throat, pressing down on his chest, at the sight of the belt next to him. Kakashi told him to put it back in the drawer when he got up, but if Mr. Uzumaki was there, it might as well just stay outside. It hurt, but not as much as it could have, and--and Suigetsu had been right. At the end of the day, it hurt Kakashi more than it hurt him. He was such a shitty person for making him do that.  _ Again _ . 

Or maybe Mr. Uzumaki was there for something else. And he should put it back inside the drawer. Probably not. I He went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, wiped his face with a towel. He caught sight of his reddened eyes and cheeks and wanted to die a little, but it couldn’t be helped. 

He was a crybaby. 

Evidently. 

At least Suigetsu was at work. 

With a sigh, he headed downstairs, doing his best to not. To just walk downstairs. Spotting Mr. Uzumaki at the dining table. Kakashi was nowhere in sight. Understandable. It was. Fine. Understandable. It was. Probably better. It was. It had to be. Sasuke tiptoed closer, halting when he saw the yellow folder in front of Mr. Uzumaki. 

Kakashi was going to kill him. He was going to. Swallowing, he pivoted. He could just not--

“Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki’s voice had never sounded like. Like that. At least not directed to him. He’d heard it before, that night at the police station when his brother waltzed back into his life. It sounded a. Like. It sounded an inch away from being murderous. “Sit.”

Sasuke took a step closer. Not quite managing to sit, but--

“Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki turned to look at him. His eyes weren’t...unkind, but they weren’t kind, either. “Please, sit down.”

He bit the inside of his cheek and did. The pain. It...it was fine. He kept his eyes down, but. But Mr. Uzumaki was clearly looking at him, probably unimpressed, probably angry. Who could blame him, really? Who could blame anyone for looking at him like...like however Mr. Uzumaki was looking at him. The yellow folder entered his peripheral vision, inching closer until it was in front of him. 

“Is there an explanation?” He sounded so tired. 

Sasuke opened the folder, though there. There was really no need to. He knew. There was him. Holding spray paint. But his hood covered any recognizable features. He’d...he had made sure of that. He shrugged. Pushed the folder back. 

“Someone really hates Itachi’s company?” The words ventured out of his mouth before he caught them. It didn’t feel. It wasn’t right to lie this blatantly to. To Mr. Uzumaki, of all people, but. But. But fuck that. Anyone could have sprayed a wall with  _ fuck uchiha inc. _ , not just him. “I don’t know.”

“Sasuke.”

“ _ What _ ?” He stood up. Swallowed back a wince. “YOU HAVE NO PROOF THAT’S ME!” It sounded more like a shriek than a scream, but it was. Whatever. Mr. Uzumaki stared at him and. Whatever. He grabbed the photos and tore them to pieces. Threw them at his face. That’s not. He shook his head, moving to pick them up. “I’m sorry--” 

“Are you kidding?”

Kakashi. 

His heart skipped a beat.

“It’s fine.”

Mr. Uzumaki

“No,” Kakashi said. His voice was hovering in the hallway. “It’s really not.” There was a pause. “Upstairs, now.”

Sasuke set the pieces on the table. “I really,” he swallowed. “I really am sorry, Mr.--” 

“Upstairs.”

He might have run until his bedroom’s door was closed. 

\------

“Do...you need me to take you?”

Sasuke closed the drawer. Shook his head. “I...I can go by myself.”

Kakashi sighed. “You know it’s hard to trust you now, right?”

He nodded, doing his best to avoid his eyes. He knew. He did. This morning, Kakashi hadn’t known how much he couldn’t be trusted anymore, but Sasuke filled him in a few minutes after running upstairs. He hadn’t meant to, but. But it was difficult not to. It was. Whatever. “I know.” He nodded. “But I don’t...I do want to...to say sorry.” 

And maybe get arrested? Mr. Uzumaki had arrested him, once. Not booked because he was nice, but. 

“Okay.”

Sasuke closed his bedroom’s door after him. Washed his face in the kitchen. Closed the door after him, loud enough so Kakashi could hear that he left, but not loud enough to sound like he was pissed off. He wasn’t. Really. He was just. Just. It didn’t matter. He walked down the street. Passed that house. To Mr. Uzumaki’s house, his sedan parked in the front. No Naruto. At least. Sasuke couldn’t face Naruto and Mr. Uzumaki at the same time. 

Naruto was still peeved from the last time he’d been an asshole to Mr. Uzumaki. And Mrs. Uzumaki. Sighing, he rang the doorbell. He was such an asshole. He just. He shifted his weight, glancing over his shoulder. No one was opening the door, but Mr. Uzumaki’s car was clearly parked there. He shifted his weight from his right foot to the other. Wiped his cheeks. Leaned against the doorframe. Fell backwards. Somehow--Mr. Uzumaki stopped his fall.

An asshole and an idiot.

Incredible.

Sasuke shook his head. Turning around to face Mr. Uzumaki. Well. Not strictly face him, of course, because the floor was better to stare at than Mr. Uzumaki, of course, who could blame him-- 

“I’m up here, Sasuke.”

Biting back a sigh, he nodded. “Yes, Mr. Uzumaki.” He glanced up. 

Mr. Uzumaki looked like. Anyway. Anyway. 

“Do you want to come in?”

Sasuke, he, well. He nodded. Mr. Uzumaki moved to the side and Sasuke stepped inside. His feet dragged him to the living room. He heard the door closing and Mr. Uzumaki’s footsteps after him, stopping behind him. He wiped his nose. 

“It,” he swallowed. “It...it was me. I snuck out of the house yesterday and...” he shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I mean,” he shook his head, “it does. It was wrong. And stupid. But--but, I’m mostly...I mean.” He swallowed and turned around. Mr. Uzumaki deserved an apology to his face. He did. Everyone did. “I’m sorry for everything, of course,” he said. He looked so sad. So disappointed. Understandable. Just. It was. Was not a good feeling, to be the reason behind that. “But I’m more...sorry for yelling at you and ripping the photos and throwing them at you.” He glanced at the kitchen. “As for the vandalism, that was me and...and you can arrest me and book me this time. It’s what I deserve.”

“Itachi took care of the owner. He’s not pressing charges..”

His heart skipped another beat. And then something pressed on his chest that. He shook his head. Nodded. Shoved that to the back of his mind. Kakashi had. But his brother was going to. He nodded. “I really am sorry, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Is there a reason behind those particular words, the ones on the wall?”

Sasuke shook his head. Shrugged. “I just...I can’t believe that he made that security contract with the government, that’s all. It was foolish and stupid of me.” He sighed, “but...like I said, I really am sorry, Mr. Uzumaki. About everything, but especially doing that to you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one does.”

He sighed. “You know we’re all just worried about you, right?”

He was worried about himself, too. He nodded, willing his body to remain still when Mr. Uzumaki squeezed his shoulder. “Do...” he looked down at the ground. “Do you hate me?” 

“No, of course not,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “I’m disappointed in some of your choices, but I don’t hate you.”

Disappointment was an inch away from hatred. Everyone knew that. But he nodded. “I’ll...try to do better.” He had been. Trying. Doing. Yesterday was just...he wasn’t sure. Something in him uncoiled yesterday and. Anyway. He had been doing better. Until yesterday. He always seemed to be doing better until he wasn’t.

“I know you will,” Mr. Uzumaki replied with far too much faith for someone that was disappointed. “Did Kakashi--” 

“No.” He shook his head. “No, he didn’t.” He cleared his throat, “I should get going.” 

Mr. Uzumaki nodded, looking sad. Angry. “Take care, Sasuke.”

He sounded more disappointed. If that was possible. Sasuke smiled and walked back home. It’s not like he would rat Kakashi out, especially because he  _ had _ deserved it. Both times. But Mr. Uzumaki wouldn’t understand that and Sasuke couldn’t get Kakashi in trouble with the law. Again. 

\---------

“You’re what?” It. Sasuke shook his head. It was stupid to ask again. Kakashi repeated himself three times already. But. But. He shook his head. “ _ Why _ ?”

Kakashi sat down on the bed. “You need more than I can give you right now.”

“No, I don’t.” Sasuke took a deep breath. There was something in his throat.The doorbell rang. Screeched. Urushi barked. He shook his head. “No, I don’t. I’ve been better--” 

“You vandalized a store three days ago.”

“And I learned my lesson. I promise.”

“Sasuke--” 

“I’ll be good, I promise!” He took a deep breath in favor of something else. He cleared his throat. “I said I was sorry! And I won’t do it again! Please--” 

“I know you’re sorry and it won’t happen again, but--” 

“ _ So why are you sending me away _ ?”

“I’m not sending you away.”

Sasuke grabbed the brochure from the bed. “It’s a boarding school.” He looked down. “For troubled teens!”

“Troubled teens really means--” 

“I know what it means.” He placed the brochure next to Kakashi.  _ How _ did he become so undesirable that even Kakashi didn’t want him? Kakashi who took him when he must have been a stupid six-year old, whinny brat, that must have been worse than him now, right? How could he be worse now than when he was a toddler? Why did he let himself become like this? How could he--

“You’ll come back for Christmas.”

“That’s months away--” 

“Time goes fa--” 

“No, it doesn’t!” He needed to breathe. The bell rang. Urushi barked. He shook his head. “Why are you doing this? I said I was sorry, I  _ am  _ sorry.” 

“I know--” 

“Then why are you sending me away?”

“Because you need better than this, Sasuke, because I’m worried about you, and I love you, and I don’t want to see you make choices that are going to leave you in a worse place than you are right now. I don’t want to see you ruin your life.” 

The bell rang. Urushi barked.

“But--” 

“You need to pack.” 

\-----

Sasuke touched his cheek. It stung. “How did you find me?”

Hidan grabbed his wrist and dragged to the bathroom. He turned him away from the mirror and lifted his shirt. “Deidara and Sasori are opportunistic fucks.”

Sasuke stared at the phoenix on his back. “What?”

“Welcome to the fucking future, kid,” he said. “Now, if we fucking understand each other, and it’s fucking clear that running away isn’t going to fucking work, ever, I’ll be taking the bed closest to the door. Kisame will take the couch.” The grip on his wrist tightened. Sasuke wouldn’t be surprised if it left a mark. Everything left a mark on his body. “We do understand each other, don’t we?”

Sasuke pulled his shirt down. Swallowed. Why was he such an idiot? No wonder Itachi hadn’t tried to kill him after finding out about the tattoo. “Yeah.”

“Good.” But the grip tightened more. Sasuke bit back a wince. “And don’t fucking do anything stupid, don’t even fucking think of doing anything stupid. You’ll need to kill yourself before getting rid of that, and if you kill yourself,” he laughed. It was hollow and loud. “Well, your brother will of course kill me, but I fucking promise you, I won’t die until I kill everyone else, too.” Hidan patted his cheek. Hard. “We clear?”

Sasuke nodded. 

There was another pat. “Are you a fucking mute? Did the cat get your tongue? I said, are we fucking clear?”

“Yes.”

“Yes  _ what _ ?”

Sasuke winced. “Yes, sir.” 

“Good. Take a shower and get ready for bed. We need to leave at a fucking early hour to drop you off on time.” He let him go. Rattled the doorknob. “Keep it unlocked.”

The water was scorching hot. 

He turned it off. Scratched at his back until he couldn’t. He woke up with a light on his face. It was his phone. It was a little past midnight. He looked around the door. Hidan wasn’t there and Kisame was on the couch, his arms crossed, his eyes closed. 

Sasuke rubbed his eyes, the other hand unlocking his phone. 

_ I know it’s been a little awkward between us lately  _

_ But prom is coming up and I’ d feel like the luckiest person in-- _

Sasuke turned his phone off. Shoved his head into the pillow. And. And. And fell asleep. It wasn’t his fault if his shoulders moved. A little. It. It was. Whatever.

\------

“Cheer up, kid. It’s going to be okay. It’s for your own good.”

His phone remained off. Sasuke stared out the window. “Yes, I know, Mr. Hoshigaki.”

The car parked. It looked more like a ranch than a school.

It was.

Whatever.

\------

His phone was in the office, locked away. _There is a 7-week adjustment period, you see, and it’s easier to adjust with full immersion_ _and no distractions_. 

It was. Whatever.

\-------

“What are some steps you can take to begin healing your relationships?”

He shrugged.

\--------

The adjustment period was over. They were worried about him not talking but. But. Anyway. His phone was returned to him, along with a brand new door for his bedroom, along with a friendly warning that both a phone and a door were privileges. And just like he’d earned those privileges, he could lose them, until he earned them again. Sasuke shoved his phone to the back of his closet, changed, and headed out for the morning drills.

He certainly didn’t want to lose those privileges. Of course not.

It.

\--------

The boy across the hallway wished him happy birthday on July 23 rd . 

Sasuke managed a smile. The thank you was caught in his throat. Like everything else.

At least he knew when Sasuke Uchiha’s birthday was. 

Even if he also found out that in fact, he was younger than he always thought and could not, in fact sign out of the program because he was  _ seventeen _ . 

It was.

\--------

The more he knew. 

Apparently, when students weren’t fixed by the time they could check themselves out, they were often referred to...other services that Sasuke was desperately trying to avoid. 

\-------

They didn’t quite know what to do with him. He didn’t blame them. He didn’t know what to do with himself, either. 

No one did. That’s why he was there. Nothing had worked. 

He was. Was. Apparently, he was the only person who knew that nothing ever would. 

\-------

“What are some steps you can take to help your relationships heal?”

“I don’t know.”

It felt weird to talk again. 

\-------

The psychologist gave him a new notebook to try writing his thoughts down before he had to speak them. 

Sasuke hated the blank pages. The lady said it was understandable, but to try to remember that just like them, he too could do whatever he wanted for himself. 

He really needed to find out the lady’s name. 

\--------- 

8 o’clock, after dinner, was supposed to be reflection time. A quiet time, in the dining hall. To think of ways to make healthier relationships. 

With themselves and with others. 

With everyone else. 

“Awesome tattoo.”

His neighbor was handsy.

Reflection time lasted an hour. 

His neighbor might have looked like. 

Anyway.

Sasuke zipped up his pants ten minutes before reflection time ended and went back to his room.

\--------

The nail marks were as permanent as the tattoo, now. 

It turned out that the school was right. Reflection time was rewarding. It was nice.

It was.

Whatever.

\-------

The nightmares came back. Did they ever leave?

It was.

\-------

“We’ll sit together until you write something, okay?”

Sasuke stared at the pencil. Picked it up. 

He still didn’t know her name. She had the patience of a saint. But she also had 7 more appointments that day.

Sasuke crossed out the doodled fox. And. And. Managed. Managed a thank you. 

\------

The lady looked up from his notebook. “Are foxes your favorite animal?”

He shook his head. There was that thing in his throat.

She stared until it was uncomfortable.

“Dogs,” he said.

She handed his notebook back. 

\------

_ What did you lose when you came here? _

The pen hovered over the paper. He was getting prompts, now. Because free writing wasn’t matching his style, apparently, but it was  _ fine, don’t worry, we’ll find something that resonates with you _ . 

The lady was reading a book on the other couch. 

_ What did you lose when you came here? _

He had already lost everything before setting foot in the school. 

_ Nothing _ . The pen hovered. He crossed the word out. 

_ My dog _ . 

Something fell on the paper. Water. He tried to wipe it off, but it smeared on the paper. Another drop fell. He ripped the piece of paper from the notebook and shoved it in his pocket. His shoulders shook, but the lady kept reading her book.

At the end of the appointment, he left the piece of paper next to the lamp. 

\------

“What’s your dog’s name?”

He shrugged. “Urushi.”

\------

_ What’s Urushi like? _

It was okay. It was fine. It was. Whatever.

_ Big and black. He likes squirrels. Chase squirrels. He likes to chose squirrels. _

_ \------ _

_ _ “How many squirrels has Urushi chased?”

Sasuke looked up. “Too many.” 

“I have a beagle,” the lady said. “Her name is Twinkles. She’s more of a cat lady herself.”

“Urushi likes cats, too.” He paused, “and by like, I mean hates. He hates cats.”

“Sounds like he’ll get along with Twinkles.”

\------

Twinkles was a tiny beagle with a pink ribbon attached to her collar. Her tail wagged like crazy. 

“What would you tell Urushi if he was here right now?”

He paused. Twinkles nudged his hand. She liked scratches behind her ears. Sasuke obliged. 

\-------

_ What would you tell Urushi if he was here right now? _

Sasuke closed the notebook. He scratched Twinkles’ ears for the rest of the hour. 

\------

Urushi bled on his chest. He fell on the ground. The next day, there were bruises, but no blood. No Urushi and no blood. And. And. And. 

_ I’m sorry for abandoning you. _

_ _

_ \------ _

_ _

_ _ “What makes you feel like you abandoned Urushi?”

\-------

_ And I hope to see you before you die.  _ Or before he did. 

_ _

_ \------ _

“How old is he?”

“Old.”

\-----

_ Please don’t die before I see you again. _

\------

“Are you scared of death?”

The mandela needed more blue. He searched for it in the case. Not light blue. Navy blue. Maybe light blue, too. “Not mine.”

“Everyone else’s?”

He put the blue back. “Urushi’s.”

“Just his?”

He found the yellow, then. Not the ugly mustard color. Nor the one that looked like diarrhea. The normal-looking yellow. “Yeah.”

“Why do you think that is? Most people are scared for their pets and people they care for.”

“Because Urushi is the only one who can’t understand why I abandoned him and is the only one who would forgive me.”

There was something in his throat.

“What do you need forgiveness for?”

Sasuke put the yellow back. Searched for a green. Settled for purple. It was complimentary to yellow, so it couldn’t possibly look that bad. He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He set the pencil down. “Nothing.” He shrugged, “Everything, maybe.”

“And why is Urushi the only one who would forgive you?”

“Dogs don’t hold grudges.” 

“But people do.”

Sasuke nodded. 

“Do you?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.” He glanced up. “I think so.”

“Who are you holding a grudge against right now?”

He shrugged.

\------

_ Who are you holding a grudge against right now? _

_ Myself. _

_ _

_ \------ _

_ _

_ _ “Do you hate yourself?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

\------

“Do you like yourself?”

“Does anyone?”

\------

_ Where do you see yourself tomorrow? _

_ In your office? _

_ \------ _

“I like you.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Thank you?”

The lady set his notebook down. “What’s your least favorite quality about yourself?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be making me feel better?”

“Let’s go off-script a little bit,” she said. “Sasuke, what’s one thing you hate the most about yourself?”

He shifted. “How...little I am.”

“You’re taller than me.”

Sasuke huffed. “Not like that.” He rolled his eyes. “Nevermind.”

“No, tell me. Unless you’re trying to tell me it’s your insecurity, in which case, I think I got the hint.”

“I think I liked you better when you would ask me about my dog.”

“What do you think Urushi dislikes the most about you?”

“Nevermind,” Sasuke said. The silence dragged on. His mind was blank, but his session had been extended. They told him they would extend it all of Sunday and  _ that was okay _ . Except, that would actually suck. “You’re right.”

“About what?”

“The insecurity. I’ve just never been able...to...just...” he twirled the pen around his fingers. “Give what I need to give.”

“What do you mean?”

Sasuke sighed. “I don’t know. Just...if I take a test I studied a lot for, I can fail it or I can get everything right. If I don’t get everything right, then I failed. And if I get everything right, then the next test, I can get everything right again, or not, and if I don’t, then the test where I did get everything right doesn’t matter anymore. In fact, it’s worse, because the expectation was set, but not met. And I’ve just never met expectations. Not when it mattered, anyway.”

She stayed quiet for a few minutes. “That mindset makes this whole thing quite difficult, doesn’t it?”

Sasuke huffed. “Tell me about it.”

\-------

Honestly? Sasuke never thought he was scared of heights. 

But he hated climbing. For some wild reason, the morning runs had been changed to wall climbing and if anyone asked, it was actually bullshit. 

\-------

It was practice. 

For Yosemite. 

Sasuke threw up. 

It was embarrassing. 

\-------

The nightmares were there. Most nights. Except some nights. 

\------

He walked inside the room. Closed the door. Took a seat, but kept the notebook. The lady was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. Sasuke stared back. “If I promise that I changed my mindset, can you please write a note excusing me from any and all trips to anyplace where we are supposed to climb things that should not be climbed by sensible people?”

The lady smiled. “No. But I like the progress we’re making. I wasn’t sure if it was too subtle.”

Sasuke groaned. 

\--------

“What are we talking about today?”

“How’s Twinkles?”

“She’s good.”

Sasuke sighed. “Are you married?”

The lady nodded. “Twelve years.”

He shifted in his seat. “How do you live with someone for twelve years?”

“With a lot of patience.”

He nodded. “My...my ex.” It was months ago. “Almost proposed a couple of times. We were young.”

“Aren’t you still young?”

“In a sense,” Sasuke started, his face emotionless, “won’t I always be young compared to you?”

“Hilarious.” She smiled, “I suppose so. When was this?”

“I was sixteen at the time.”

“You were sixteen...a few months ago.”

“Yeah.” Sasuke shrugged. “Feels like years ago.”

“You miss him?”

“I...I miss everyone,” he shrugged. “But I try not to. Especially not him.” It had been months since he’d thought about Naruto. Since he sobbed in the motel room. And if he thought about him, then. 

“Are you excited to see everyone during Christmas?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He bit down on his lip. “Mostly Urushi. I haven’t...there was...a lot. I mean, there’s still a lot. But I just keep thinking that...maybe I shouldn’t see anyone again, you know? Like maybe I should just wait until I’m eighteen and go overseas to college and never look back.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“That thought must be coming from somewhere.”

Sasuke bit down on his lower lip. “I--I just can’t imagine how much I’ve hurt them. Directly and indirectly. I mean, not only was I an asshole the months leading to my dad sending me here, but. But the months before that... so many things happened to me that if they cared even a little bit about me, it must have hurt them, too. I...I don’t mind getting hurt, but other people getting hurt because of me is...wrong. And I can make amends for my own behavior...I know that.” He chuckled, “real ones. But I can’t guarantee that they won’t get hurt if someone else hurts me again.”

“So you’d rather leave so you’re never there for the possibility of them being hurt indirectly by you? Direct hurt from you is better than indirect hurt, then?”

“If I’m not with them, I can’t hurt them.”

“Maybe your absence hurts them more.”

“Maybe.” He glanced outside the window. “I still don’t know what steps I can take to have healthier relationships.”

“Yeah,” she said. “But now you want to take them, don’t you?”


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you anyone who read this monstrosity

_ What were you doing a year ago _ ?

November 1 st . 

He bit down on his lip. 

_ Crying _ .

Dying.

Or trying.

\-------------

“What happened?”

They pick him up in a black car. He left nail marks on Kakashi’s wrist from gripping so tightly. 

He shook his head.

He had tried to be brave. It looked like an abandoned farm, about to be scorched down. The dead grass faltered under his step. And. 

There was something in his throat. 

The man had a hood on. The table was colder than the shackles. And.

He wiped his cheeks. Stood up. Closed the door after him. His bedroom was colder than it usually was. The blankets buried him. There was a lot of sweating, but being warm was better than being cold. The mattress was soft. It was a bed. Just a bed. He pressed his wrists against his chest, pulled his knees up, and shut his eyes. 

Did it matter if the whimpers were real or a memory?

\--------------

_ What does crying feel like _ ?

_ Like dying _ .

\-------------

“Do you want to talk about anything?”

He lost his voice begging him to stop. Nothing Kakashi ever did to him was even remotely close to. To November 1 st . He begged his father to stop, but it never did. He might have asked his mom to take him with him. Not his best moment. 

\--------------

_ What does dying feel like? _

_ Like living _ .

And if that was true, did it really matter if he was here or with his parents? 

\-------------

“What’s your favorite day of the week?”

Sasuke shook his head. None in November. None in December. None in January. None in. It didn’t matter. November 1 st was the anniversary of. Actually, October 31 st . Halloween, that was the anniversary of when he started fucking up his life. And he couldn’t even remember the date. 

How could he not remember that day, but November 1 st stared at him every night now?

\-----------

The lady let him take Twinkles on a walk. After handing back the leash, he disappeared to his bedroom. 

The least he could do was try to get better for Urushi. 

And yet. 

\-----------

He went back to the entry. 

_ What were you doing a year ago _ ?

_ Tried to kill myself _ . 

He ripped the page off. There was something on his right shoulder that hurt, burned, but. It was nothing. Just like everything was nothing.

\------------

His neighbor was there, mostly, for anger management. But scratching him seemed to be helping. It was the least Sasuke could do.

It made the pain in his right shoulder real, then. Still nothing, but real. 

\----------

_ I’m glad you’re with us _ .

_ Me too _ .

He snapped the notebook closed and threw it across the bedroom. It hit the wall and fell to the ground. He crawled under the blankets. The next day, he ripped the entry off. 

\-----------

“I’m glad you’re with us.”

The floor was nothing like the Uzumaki’s floor. “Makes one of us.”

“You don’t want to be here?”

“I want to go home,” he said. Lied. He didn’t want to be there, either. He didn’t want to be anywhere.

\------------

His neighbor was funny.  _ I want to get out of here _ , he would tell Sasuke. And yet, in the middle of the night. He’d. He’d show up to his bedroom and unlock the door, blatantly disregarding the rules. He might be there for more than anger management issues. 

\------------

His phone was still in the back of the closet. The battery was full. There were. A lot. There were a lot of messages. From. He closed his eyes, shook his head, swallowed. He set it down. 

\----------

Sometimes, it felt like his neighbor had four hands. Sometimes, it felt like they did more than scratch. 

\-------------

_ How have you changed _ ?

Sasuke closed the notebook. His feet dragged him back to his bedroom. His phone was next to the bed. Everything was deleted, but. He closed the door and grabbed it. He waited for Kakashi to pick up. It didn’t take long. 

“Sasuke, how are you?” 

It was like he was dying again. His throat burned. “Can you...come?”

“I’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Can you bring Urushi?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow.”

\-----------

Seeing them made it better. Just like last year, Kakashi managed to make it better. It was. Urushi did, too. Sasuke didn’t necessarily remember a lot of those days when he was bedridden, but he did know that they had been there. 

It was better.

Until they left. 

\--------------

His neighbor picked up the slack. 

It wasn’t. Like that. 

Just sex.

\------------

The door was gone by the fourth day of not leaving the bedroom. 

The lady showed up to his bedroom, now.

It was okay. 

His neighbor still had a door, his anger issues more manageable now. If only they knew.

\-----------

Just in case, he. He tightened the scarf around his neck. “I want to go home.”

The lady looked at him. “Do you think you’re ready to go home?”

Sasuke flinched. He clenched his jaw. “You know what?” He cleared his throat, “all I know is that in the brochure, it said that it was a personalized program that took into consideration individual situations.” He swallowed. “And I’ve been kidnapped three times and I’m starting to feel the same kind of anxiety over losing control of my surroundings. I need to go home.”

“We’ll...call your dad and see what he thinks.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I don’t care what he thinks. I’m telling you that I  _ need _ to get out of here. If you call him, call him to tell him that he needs to come pick me up.”

“Sasuke, what if--” 

“No.” He picked up the notebook. “I had a therapist back home, too. I’ll ask her to write me prompts, too. It’s okay.” 

“And when you feel like you’re not giving what you need to give?”

“At least I won’t feel like I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to be in.”

\----------

The nails dug deeper that night. 

\----------

The last time he was on a road trip with Kakashi, they were driving from the east coast to California. At the time, he thought it was terrible. Since then, he’d gotten some perspective, of course. But he still chose to sit in the back. With Urushi. 

He scratched Urushi’s ears. His tails wagged. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Sure,” Kakashi replied.

Sasuke’s lips quirked up. He wasn’t actually thanking Kakashi, per se, but Urushi couldn’t speak. So, it was okay.

\----------

Someone nudged his shoulder. He rubbed his eyes. Kakashi. “We’re here.”

They were. 

Kakashi unpacked for him.

\----------- 

Suigetsu had moved out. With roomates. Downtown. 

Within running distance.

\-----------

“Itachi called. Do you want to call him back?”

He shook his head. 

\-----------

He cleared his throat. “Why did you send me away?”

The silence was deafening. “I thought it was the best thing for you.”

It kind of was. He closed the bathroom door. Locked it. Pulled the shirt over his head. It kind of was not. He started the shower. 

\----------

He knocked on Kakashi’s door. It was stupid. He opened the door. “Do you...” he looked away. “Do you...know if...” 

“He misses you.”

Sasuke gripped the doorframe. Clenched his jaw. There was that thing in his throat. “Why did you send me away?” 

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t...meant to be like that.”

Sasuke shifted his weight. “Is it okay if I go see him?”

“Of course.”

Sasuke should be saying a lot more, but. “Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “What day is it?”

“Saturday.”

“Right,” he nodded. “I’ll...” he cleared his throat. Closed the door. There. Okay, well. He should stop pacing the hallway. He should. He halted. He just had to...go over there and look Naruto in the eye and tell him how. Most of marks were gone, now. At the very least, Naruto wouldn’t be able to see them. The last time he saw Naruto, he had asked Sasuke if he was done pretending that Naruto was an annoying ghost. 

He couldn’t even remember why he’d acted like that, but. But it had been months and. There was ignoring and there was ghosting, and there was what Sasuke did to him. And he never did apologize to Mrs. Uzumaki for leaving her at his doorstep and he obviously had. He had told Naruto that he would lose his virginity with him and. And that was another broken promise. 

The last time he saw Naruto, he. Naruto told him he didn’t want to have sex with him. And. And now, this. Threre was. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the frontdoor. It felt too much like a table. All those months in that school, and he hadn’t dealt with this. He’d been right, there really was nothing for him.

Although, that wasn’t entirely true. He knew what was left for him. But. But he still couldn’t do that. He opened the door, closing it behind him. The air was chilly and daylight savings must have started because it looked like it was midnight. But Kakashi would have never let him go if it was midnight. Daylight savings. 

He walked down the driveway. Down the street. His eyes almost landed on that house, but. Anyway. The tree was there and after all the wall climbing, it was almost laughable how easy it was to climb onto the balcony. It was definitely not midnight--Naruto would never leave his orange curtains open if it was past ten. 

His hair was shorter. He was wearing bright, orange headphones that match that. Well, he also was wearing a bright, orange sweater. He looked busy. Very busy. Holding a pen and everything, a tiny book in front of him. Naruto always had a difficult time concentrating and it wasn’t right to distract him when he finally achieved such zen moment. There was. 

He cleared his throat. 

Naruto obviously didn’t hear him. 

Sasuke wasn’t a brave person and the few moments where he had been brave, it never ended well for him, but. He did his best to release the tension in his fists. Scratched his throat. But if he was honest, just for a fleeting moment, there was. He’d walk on thorns barefoot for the rest of his life for even the possibility of.

He just liked him. 

His knuckles brushed the glass. 

He knocked. 

Naruto looked up, his eyes puffy, but that stupid blue that the lady never seemed to have in her color pencil case. He was opening and closing his mouth like some idiot and it reminded him that he needed to close his mouth, too. He scrambled off the bed and. And landed on the floor. Got up, rushed to the balcony. 

He was probably saying something. 

Maybe asking him how to open balcony doors as he seemed to have forgotten, his hands pressed firmly against the glass door. Tears were pooling on Naruto’s eyes. Or. Or his own. He pointed at the lock, the handle, and that seemed to work, because the glass slipped away and Sasuke’s shirt was getting wet. 

That was definitely Naruto. 

Sasuke returned the hug, resting his chin on Naruto’s shoulder until he drew blood from his lip. He shut his eyes. “You know that...time I told you I was dirty?” He swallowed something as Naruto stiffened. “I really am dirty now. On purpose.”

“Remember when I told you that even if you slept with the whole world, I would still love you?” He pulled him closer, “I still do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story gave me anxiety and sleep deprivation and carpal tunnel and it started kinda like a joke and a place to get out of my writer block from original stories but now it's over and if anyone enjoyed it thank you so much for reading!


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not a new chapter

but im preparing a sequel of sorts so if anyone is interested be on the look for it i guess?  
thanks  
best,  
mutt

**Author's Note:**

> Before, I'd write this in a doc and then put it on google docs and then upload from there. So this really is more of the original draft of passing by.


End file.
